Harvey Tallbanger Knocks Out Zeus With A Lightning Bolt

June 9, 2019 at 9:54 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Harvey Tallbanger Knocks Out Zeus With A Lightning Bolt

The gypsy Esmeralda had just finished a dance and was sitting in a corner of Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris.

Suddenly she was approached by the Greek god Zeus.

“Howdy,” said Zeus who had been sitting up at the bar and shooting the breeze with a Texas oilman, “How would you like to see my Olympian sized Greek sausage?”.

The deity started to raise his Greek toga.

“Be a gentleman,” said the 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit secret agent Harvey Tallbanger who hit Zeus over the head with one of his own lightning bolts that he had left behind in an Adidas bag full of lightning bolts next to his stool.

As Zeus hit the floor, he moaned, “That’s the first time in history I’ve been hit by one of my own lightning bolts. And by a bunny rabbit at that.”

“By a very tall bunny rabbit though,” Esmeralda said as she sipped a Harvey Wallbanger allowing her to see the usually invisible (to mortals) bunny rabbit.

“I’ll be the laughing stock of the Vegreville summit,” Zeus sighed, “Vegreville being to the gods and goddesses of the world’s nations – the Greeks, the Norse, the Egyptian, the Celtic, the Phoenician, Babylonian etc. what the Davos summit is to mortal men and women.”

“You gods and goddesses meet yearly in the city of Vegreville, Alberta, Canada?” Harvey Tallbanger was shocked, “In the name of God, why?”.

“I hear Vegreville has the world’s tallest Easter egg,” Esmeralda pointed out.

“Well it wasn’t me who laid it,” Harvey the rabbit said in his own defense.

“It may have been me,” Zeus remarked before succumbing to unconsciousness as a result of being hit by one of his own lightning bolts.

. . .


The Greek goddess Hera

“I have the feeling my husband Zeus is once again up to no good,” the Greek goddess Hera remarked to private eye Carson Cody Albion.

Years before, Hera had hired Albion to spy on her horny husband and now she was doing so again.

“What makes you think so?” Albion lit himself a cigarette.

“Well,” Hera got up from her chair, turned around and looked at Albion:

“We were at the 75th Anniversary celebrations of D-Day on Juno Beach last Thursday,” Hera explained and smoothed the top of the chair, “Juno Beach was named after me, you understand? Or at least the Roman side of my persona. Donald Trump had just signed his name at the top of the 75th Anniversary D-Day proclamation whereas every other world leader present had signed their name at the bottom when Zeus told me, he had to get back to Paris for some reason and he wasn’t talking about the long dead Trojan who had slain Achilles with an arrow to the foot.”

“You suspect he’s got something going on in Paris?” Albion closed his notebook and put it in his pocket.

“I do,” said the goddess as she fanned herself.

Albion marvelled at how in the past 2 minutes, Hera was able to make clothing changes even faster than Japanese pop music superstar Moritaka Chisato.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 9th
2019.

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Harvey Tallbanger Meets Gali-Gula

May 29, 2019 at 10:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s personal invisible spy and secret agent the 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka invisible bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger was once again in Paris to spy on Emmanuel Macron’s pro-globalist and pro-EU forces in the wake of the European Parliament elections.

Tallbanger worked his way through a group of marijuana smoking architecture students from California who were smoking weed and drawing sketches for a re-vamped Notre Dame Cathedral in the wake of last month’s fire.

As a result of inhaling pot smoke, Tallbanger was able to see Gali-Gula the ET gray from the planet Nibiru who was sitting up at the bar in Quasimodo’s Cafe as soon as the very tall bunny rabbit entered.

Most creatures on planet Earth were only able to see the ET gray Gali-Gula if they had inhaled pot smoke.

Coincidentally, Gali-Gula was sitting up at the bar drinking a Harvey Wallbanger.

Only creatures who were drinking Harvey Wallbangers were actually able to see the 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger.

Being able to see one another, the ET gray and the 6 foot 8 bunny rabbit struck up a conversation.

“So, what have you been up to on planet Earth?” The tall rabbit asked the ET gray as he stirred his Tequila Sunrise cocktail with a carrot.

“I used to be an advisor to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,” Gali-Gula answered, “until his pot smoking desert cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever got kidnapped by China’s intelligence service and is being held hostage in exchange for the release of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou from Canadian custody. So Trudeau hasn’t been able to see me since last December.”

“So who are Justin Trudeau’s advisors now?” Tallbanger sipped his Tequila Sunrise cocktail.

“The demons Baal and Baphomet,” Gali-Gula downed his mixture of orange juice, vodka and Galliano.

“That doesn’t sound like a good thing,” the Welsh pooka ate his carrot.

“It isn’t,” Gali-Gula looked glum, “An exorcist might have to be brought in. Spitting French pea soup out of his mouth while his head is spinning around 360 degrees in every direction might go over well with Quebec voters but I really don’t think it will play out well in the rest of Canada.”

“I met an exorcist once,” the Welsh rabbit ordered Welsh rarebit off the Quasimodo’s menu, “the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who tried to exorcise a couple of demon possessed dogs in British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s constituency. The dogs managed to escape and are still creating havoc in the English countryside.”

Just then a pair of men in black sat down across from Tallbanger and Gali-Gula.

“So,” the first man in black adjusted his dark sunglasses, “Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has been unable to form a coalition government in Israel and the Israeli Knesset has voted to dissolve itself and call for new Israeli national elections to be held on September 17th.”

“What this means,” the 2nd man in black likewise adjusted his dark sunglasses, “is that the Jared Kushner peace plan, the so-called deal of the century as it has been dubbed in Donald Trump’s Twitter tweets, is now dead in the water. The plan was always delayed for some reason or other. Last autumn’s bodily dismemberment of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi consulate in Istanbul certainly put a major kabosh into the Kushner peace plan. Then it had to be delayed because of the Israeli elections earlier this year. Then Ramadan came up. It was to be released early next month following the end of Ramadan. But now with new Israeli elections, its release will now have to be delayed until those elections are over. Then this fall will be too close to next year’s U.S.Presidential election and on the off-chance something goes wrong with the peace plan, Trump will probably delay the plan until after next year’s Presidential election. So it probably won’t be announced until well into 2021.”

“I guess this means Ivanka Trump will never see her husband win the Nobel Peace Prize,” the first man in black mused philosophically.

The two finshed their drinks and left the cafe.

As the men in black exited, the Egyptian vampiress Isis entered the cafe with the Greek god Ares on her arm.

“My boss,” Tallbanger referred to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, “will be very interested to know those two are meeting.”

“You don’t suppose they’re here for the half price on Mexican nachos during Happy Hour?” Gali-Gula queried.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 29th
2019.


Egyptian vampiress Isis enters Quasimodo’s

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