Yaldabaoth’s Vision On His Way To The Big Apple

March 26, 2020 at 10:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, magic, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth’s Vision On His Way To The Big Apple

Athelstan the butler and valet to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was having a conversation with British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

Both men were 6 meters away from one another so they wouldn’t be shot by killer drones recently commandeered by WHO (the World Health Organization) for those who violated the world body’s social distancing rules.

Athelstan was also wearing a face mask.

Although whether this was because he feared getting the Coronavirus or because he had just cleaned out the kitty litter box belonging to Nefertiti Galore (the vampire Set’s fiercely protective house cat) is a matter for speculation.

“So, Mr. Renfield,” Athelstan coughed through his face mask, “I hear that Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam issued an Executive Order this past Monday making it a criminal offense to hold a Church service with more than 10 people present. If found guilty, people could be imprisoned for 12 months and/or fined $2,500.”

“I imagine,” Renfield lit his pipe, “that the Baal and Baphomet worshipping Marxist despot Ralph Northam was positively ejaculating in ecstasy and orgasm at being able to sign such an Executive Order. I don’t imagine he’ll ever bother rescinding it even when the pandemic is over.”

“Probably not, sir,” Athelstan dusted off a portrait painting of the late British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher dressed in a medieval Iron Maiden torture chamber item suit, “Did you hear that Pope Francis’ personally designated papal successor Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle is saying let’s overcome the Coronavirus with a pandemic of love?”.

“Well,” Renfield sipped his pipe, “Isn’t that jackass just the epitome of romance?”.

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was flying a magic shamrock flying carpet from his rented farmhouse in Vermont to New York City.

Yaldabaoth had recently left Ireland after that country had closed all its pubs (As Yaldabaoth remarked at the time, “You know a world situation is serious when it forces Ireland to close all its pubs.”)

He had gone to Vermont hoping that the pubs would be open.

Many of them were closed but lucky for Yaldabaoth, there were plenty of Vermont country gentlemen who made their own moonshine.

Yaldabaoth rented his Vermont farmstead from another Irish leprechaun The Fantastic Flanigan.

The Fantastic Flanigan had the honour of being the world’s shortest UFC fighter.

He also had the honour of being the world’s only always defeated UFC fighter.

Generally all the other UFC fighters used the Fantastic Flanigan as practice for the day the old medieval sport of dwarf tossing was once again brought back into the world.

It so happened that the Fantastic Flanigan owned a flying carpet (made from magic shamrocks) so he had left it behind in the barn for Yaldabaoth to use.

Flanigan was currently spending his social isolation time at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada.

As Yaldabaoth approached New York City, he was shocked to see the Big Apple surrounded by an army of Dullahans (A Dullahan was a black horse riding headless horseman of death).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 26th
2020

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Renfield Examines Other Global Issues Besides The Coronavirus

March 14, 2020 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Examines Other Global Issues Besides The Coronavirus 

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was in his room in the colossal mansion on the colossal West London estate of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

He was examining a bunch of briefing papers put together for him by his parliamentary research staff.

As Co-Chairman of the British House of Commons Committee On Global Affairs and International Intelligence Gathering, he would often read these papers each night before bedtime.

At his right hand was a bottle of Drumheller Madame’s Moonshine Remedy For Maladies.

He had kept this bottle in the wine, beer and spirits cellar of the house for years but he decided to open it after reading a comment someone had made on someone else’s blog.

As he downed the bottle while someone sang the song My Corona on the radio in the background, he read the report.

He was currently reading a statement from this past week’s issue of Business Insider Magazine, 

“A swarm containing an estimated 200 billion locusts was recorded in Kenya and each insect can eat its own weight in food. That equates to about as much food as 84 million people can eat in a day.
The UN fears the number of locusts could grow 500 times as much by June and reach 30 different countries.”

That number of locusts then would be somewhere in the trillions Renfield thought to himself as he made a quick calculation on his antique Chinese abacus.

Renfield then read a circled report from BBC News on how China was sending ducks to battle Pakistan’s locust swarms.

The report went on that apparently ducks can eat up to 200 locusts a day.

They would thus be sending a veritable Air Force of ducks to Pakistan to battle the problem.

And even more interesting they would be using genetically modified ducks with even bigger appetites to go after them.

Renfield then read a notation sent to him by his friend Mei-ling Manchu (the vampiress who still worked for Communist China’s Intelligence Service) and another one from his friend Ho Babylon Minh (the vampiress who had recently defected from Beijing to Taiwan) that a directive had been sent out from Beijing to make sure that the genetically modified ducks (after the operation had been completed) were not then passed off to a market to be sold for human consumption.

The directive ended with the words, “We all know how that didn’t work out for us so well the last time we did something similar in using genetically modified creatures.”

Meanwhile in the Hubei province of China, Private Wo Woo of the People’s Liberation Army Biological and Genetically Modified Animals Unit was about to be shot by firing squad.

Private Woo’s idea of using genetically modified bats to deal with a nasty mosquito infestation had been surprisingly a success.

His idea to earn a little extra money on the side, after the operation was completed, turned out not to be so brilliant.

Private Woo’s last action and last words, before being shot by firing squad, was to hit his forehead with his right hand and say, “Oh, what a dummy. Oh, what a dummy.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Saturday March 14th
2020.

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Sherrielock Holmes’ Night On The Town

March 7, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes’ Night On The Town 

Immortal London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (twin sister of the not so-literally immortal detective Sherlock Holmes who is dead and the immortal but extremely young looking great grandmother of Set Enterprises’ Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher) was sending out quite the positive vibe in the London nightclub lounge she was sitting in.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had already accidentally knocked over the table he was sitting at due to the positive vibe he was getting.

Boyfriends were getting into trouble with their girlfriends and husbands were getting into trouble with their wives due to the vibe they were getting.

“No sign of the Coronavirus here,” a British NHS worker remarked as he stuck his head into the nightclub lounge.

“But never have I seen such a wide spread of satyriasis since the days of the great god Pan,” British Prime Minister Boris Johnson (who had majored in Classics at Oxford) remarked to his NHS guide who was giving him a nighttime tour of how Britain’s NHS was coping with the Coronavirus in London.

Renfield R. Renfield had meanwhile taken a picture of Sherrielock Holmes with his smartphone.

He immediately text messaged Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie with the pic.

Uncle Ernie who was in the shower and checking text messages on his (hopefully for him – water proof!) smartphone immediately broke into a chorus of “I’m having the time of my life, I’ve never felt this way before…”.

“Uncle Ernie is sounding even more exuberant in the shower than his usual exuberant self,” the Australian poet David Redpath’s wife remarked to David.

“He is,” David had to admit.

The sound of one of the bathroom walls coming down around the shower could be heard.

“It looks like we may have to call in carpenters to replace one of the bathroom walls,” David’s wife commented.

David was trying to think to himself what Bob Dylan would write when confronted with such a situation.

Meanwhile back in London, Renfield was approaching Sherrielock Holmes’ table.

“I see you’re happy to see me,” Sherrielock remarked wryly.

“As always,” Renfield commented as he sat down.

“I hear my great grandson Cadbury had to bring back U.S. Vice-President Mike Pence from the brink of death,” Sherrielock sipped her drink.

“Yes, one of the City of London’s leading public relations firms was brought in to cover up that whole Coronavirus hitting the White House fiasco as the Trump Administration doesn’t seem to be doing such a good job of covering up such things themselves,” Renfield ordered a gin and tonic from the waiter.

“I hear Pope Francis has asked Hades to release Asclepius from the Underworld to help the Pontiff recover from Coronavirus,” Sherrielock licked a cherry from her drink which caused many men in the lounge to faint.

“That’s what I’ve heard,” Renfield nodded, “And an ET starship has apparently arrived from the constellation Ophiuchus (“the Serpent Holder”) as well since the Jesuit archivists in the Vatican Library aren’t sure which version of the Asclepius myth is true. Although they universally agree that nothing in the Bible is true.”

“I’ve heard that Pope Francis has cancelled his May 14th date for his Vatican Global Compact On Education Event and moved it to October 15th of this year due to his fears over the Coronavirus,” Sherrielock ordered another drink from the waiter.

“Yes his announcement of the New Humanism (which is really his proclamation that henceforth the belief of the Catholic Church is to be 17th Century Puritan Neo-Arianism and 18th Century Deist Unitarianism) will have to wait a few months,” Renfield sipped his gin and tonic.

“I understand a lot of celebrations of the Mass in the Catholic Church have been cancelled due to the Coronavirus,” Sherrielock took her drink from the waiter.

“And they probably won’t be brought back once Pope Francis proclaims the New Humanism,” Renfield nodded, “In fulfillment of Daniel 12:11 “From the time that the Daily Sacrifice is abolished and the Abomination that causes Desolation is set up, there will be 1290 days.” I ran into Amadeus’ friend Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Church of England’s leading exorcist this evening and in his opinion he says that it’s the Daily Sacrifice of the Mass is what restrains the Coming of the Antichrist according to Father Aidan’s interpretation of 2nd Thessalonians 2:6.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Saturday March 7th
2020.

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Renfield, Two Popes, An Epidemic and American Politics

March 6, 2020 at 11:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield, Two Popes, An Epidemic and American Politics

“For those people who always wondered what it was like to live in the 14th Century, you’re about to find out. We’ve got two living Popes (one of whom is most likely an Antipope) and a mass epidemic going on.”

-Renfield R. Renfield MP

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was once again being interviewed on a British news program.

BBC Interviewer: So going across the Pond (a goldfish leapt from one pond to another directly behind the interviewer) and taking a look at U.S. politics, what is your take on the past week?

Renfield: Well it appears that most of the Democratic Party establishment has come to the conclusion that the only candidate who can defeat Donald Trump is senile Joe Biden. The Centre For Disease Control in Atlanta should really start examining the possibility that Joe Biden’s senility is contagious as it seems to have spread to the rest of the Democratic Party.

Interviewer (clearing his throat): What about the claim now being made that America is not yet ready for a female President? As the three leading contenders for President all seem to be white straight males in their 70s?

Renfield: Yes, every asshole and his shit licking dog seems to be making the claim that America is not yet ready for a female President and are whining and snivelling about it on social media whether it’s their blog posts, Twitter or Facebook. With the exception of Rep. Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii, every woman who ran for the Democratic Party nomination this time around isn’t really worth writing home about. Never mind electing them President.

Interviewer: So you’re saying that most of the women candidates who were running for President this year just aren’t worth it?

Renfield: Brilliant deduction as my friend the ghost of Sherlock Holmes would say. There’s a new American TV show out called Tommy whose premise is about the first woman to be appointed Chief of the Los Angeles Police Force. In one of the trailer commercials for the episode, Chief Tommy tells an associate, “If I don’t do my job exceptionally well , it will be another 30 years before another woman is named Chief of Police for LA.” If any of the bimbos running for President (Tulsi Gabbard is the only woman candidate who isn’t a bimbo) had won the Presidency this year, it would have been another 60 years before another woman is elected President of the U.S. And if a certain spirit cooking witch and sampler of Roman Polanski and Jeffrey Epstein style pizza toppings had been elected President in 2016, it would have been another 200 years before another woman was elected President of the United States. That is if she hadn’t destroyed the planet in an exchange of nuclear weapons with Russia’s Vladimir Putin first. Which is probably what would have happened if the Trump Failed To Lock Her Up Witch had won the 2016 election.

Interviewer (shifting uncomfortably in his arm chair): So making another brilliant deduction, I take it you’d support Tulsi Gabbard if you lived in the U.S.

Renfield: Yes, as further proof that great minds think alike, my friend the vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and I only thought highly of 3 candidates running for the Democratic Party nomination – John Hickenlooper, Andrew Yang and Tulsi Gabbard.
Two of those have dropped out. And only Tulsi remains. And the Democratic Party establishment will certainly ensure that she doesn’t get the nomination since she wants to put an end to America’s insane policy of endless regime change wars – which is supported by both major parties – Republican and Democrat.

Interviewer: So what about this argument that in America in 2020, you have to be white, male, straight and septuagenarian to be President.

Renfield: Just further proof that most media commentators in the mainstream media and pompous pontificators on social media have the same amount of knowledge of history. Which is to say- nil. If these people had ever bothered studying the extremely unusual mentor/protege relationship that went on between mentor Roy Cohn (former chief legal counsel to Sen. Joe McCarthy in the 1950s) and his young protege Donald Trump back in the 1970s, they wouldn’t label Trump with the epithet “straight”.
It would be more appropriate to have that old country/western song “This Door Swings Both Ways” playing in the background.
And I’ll wager that if Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie “came a Waltzing Matilda” through the doors of the Oval Office wearing only his pink sequined g-string, Trump would be putting on a Celine Dion Vegas show style evening dress and breaking into a chorus of one of Celine’s old hits, “It’s all coming back to me now… ”
Then what will probably happen is that Trump’s evangelical church prayer group will walk into the Oval Office just as Trump and Uncle Ernie are in the heights of Apollo-Hyacinth like passion and get the shock of their lives.
They will be followed seconds later by the ghost of Salvador Dali who will walk in and likewise get the shock of his afterlife.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 6th
2020.

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Coronavirus Panic, Gnostic God Abraxas, Qonzilqointec, Ho Babylon Minh and The Pascal Sacrifice On Mount Moriah

March 4, 2020 at 11:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Coronavirus Panic, Gnostic God Abraxas, Qonzilqointec, Ho Babylon Minh and The Pascal Lamb Sacrifice On Mount Moriah

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec living as a vampiric immortal isn’t worried about contracting the Coronavirus

The same was not true of the state of California where after only one death, the governor had declared a State of Emergency over the Coronavirus.

Outside a COSTCO store in the State of California, a long line up of people were waiting to rush in to buy emergency food supplies and prepping items as well as surgical face masks and bottles of hand sanitizer (even though the latter items had already been sold out).

A man dressed in American Revolutionary War era attire and riding a horse was going throughout the huge COSTCO parking lot and shouting in Paul Revere like fashion, “The Coronavirus is coming. The Coronavirus is coming.”

On a nearby city street, a woman dressed in a chicken costume with what appeared to be a small cloud encircling her chicken head was busy shouting, “The Coronavirus is falling. The Coronavirus is falling.”

Inside the COSTCO store, angered customers were shouting over the fact that all surgical face masks had been sold out and by their attitude were thus totally ignoring the U.S. Surgeon-General’s recent request that the U.S. general public refrain from buying surgical face masks.

At the cigarette counter, there were long line ups of people waiting to buy cigarettes thus totally ignoring a U.S. Surgeon-General’s report from the early 1960s that smoking cigarettes can cause lung cancer.

Meanwhile back in the surgical face mask aisle, the store manager announced that there was a supply of Halloween face masks that had been found and were now available in the Toy Department.

The manager was trampled and killed in the subsequent rush over to the Toy Department.

Two women eventually got into a huge fight over the last Halloween mask available -an Al Gore mask from the year 2000 with a Made In Florida dangling chad hanging from his mouth.

Meanwhile at the Vatican, Pope Francis was calling for algor-ethics at a Vatican Conference On Ethics In Algorithms and The Future of AI (Artificial Intelligence).

Speeding down a California freeway while being chased by a group of sinister government Men In Black was a Japanese female sex robot called Akira who was totally ignoring Pope Francis’ call for algor-ethics as she put a spiked high-heeled pedal to the metal and hit the gas on her huge carbon emissions polluting hummer.

Her front seat partner – a man called Paul- who was dressed up the way Jesus of Nazareth might look in a church Easter Passion play- was desperately reading a book called Re-Imagining Mind Control For Dummies.

In the back seat, a professorial looking type (who was really an ET from outer space) named Lassetter was taking huge swigs from a phallus shaped bottle of whisky.
Sitting next to him was an Afghan War vet named Billy-Bob who was coming down with a severe case of PTSD while looking at the stock market trading app on his smartphone and seeing how bad the market was falling and share prices were diving over the latest Coronavirus fears.

Watching comfortably the highway car chase on television in his living room at home was America’s leading (and only) Irish Jewish science-fiction writer of note – George Finneganburg.

Said an astounded George Finneganburg, “My Sci-Fi novel is really quite literally coming to life in this particular California car chase.”

. . .

Standing in front of a statue of Baphomet whose feet were covered by aborted babies, Senate Minority leader Sen. Chuck Schumer of New York threatened U.S. Supreme Court Justices Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh if they upheld a pro-life law from Louisiana.

“I want to tell you, Gorsuch, I want to tell you, Kavanaugh, you have released the whirlwind and you will pay the price,” Schumer thundered into the microphone as bats, locusts and scorpions flew out of his mouth while he spoke.

The ghost of Adolf Eichmann (dispensatationally released from Tartarus at the requests of the demons Baal and Baphomet) applauded in the background.

. . .

Meanwhile on Mount Moriah (also known as the Temple Mount) the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith (who was also known as the Lady Moriah) was directing a whirlwind to blow around the Mount.

A few weeks earlier the ancient gnostic god Abraxas (who had the head of a rooster, the arms and torso of a man, and the legs were two slithering serpents) had approached some Kabbalistic rabbis who belonged to the 21st Century Sanhedrin and told them to sacrifice a paschal lamb at an altar on the Temple Mount for Passover this year for the first time in 2000 years.

“To sacrifice a paschal lamb now will show that the imposter so-called Christ Jesus of Nazareth was not the Paschal Lamb sacrificed for all time,” Abraxas told the cheering rabbis.

A request for a permit from the Israeli government to perform the ceremony was then asked by the Sanhedrin.

Today at the Vatican, the gnostic god Abraxas appeared to the Communist and homosexual predatory Cardinals who now ran the Vatican under Pope Francis and told them his idea.

The pro-Francis group of Cardinals applauded since they didn’t really believe that Jesus of Nazareth was truly God Incarnate in the flesh never mind being the ultimate and final Paschal Lamb sacrifice for sin.

. . .

Now sporting blue hair, the Vietnamese vampiress and notably unique Shakespearian actress Ho Babylon Minh who would be playing a voodoo queen in a New Orleans style zombie and voodoo themed adaptation of Shakespeare’s MacBeth slated for tonight at the Pantages Theatre (directed by the ghost of Orson Welles) showed up in her car outside the doors of the theatre.

On his way into the show for tonight’s performance, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was asked about yesterday’s Super Tuesday primary in the U.S.

“Does this mean the end of Trotskyite Marxist Bernie Sander’s Presidential aspirations?” A member of the Press asked the MP.

“Well,” Renfield replied as he carried a silver handled walking stick, “Given the fact that we are all living in extremely surreal times (surreal as in a Salvador Dali painting of Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie dressed as Cleopatra and embracing a giant asp), we must realize anything can happen. Bernie Sanders not only winning the Democratic nomination but winning the Presidency. In these surreal times, expect the Unexpected.”

Renfield kicked a snake with a rooster’s head out of the way as he entered the theatre.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 4th
2020.

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Edgar Allan Poe’s Ghost, Prince Prospero, Lady Death and A Vietnamese Vampiress Lady MacBeth

February 29, 2020 at 11:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Literature, Mystery, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Edgar Allan Poe’s Ghost, Prince Prospero, Lady Death and A Vietnamese Vampiress Lady MacBeth

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was at Toronto Pearson International Airport to fly back to the United Kingdom from Canada after spending a brief time in the land of beavers, the maple leaf and legalized marijuana to examine for himself how a Trotskyite Marxist insurrection fared against an incompetent government.

As Marxist Trotskyite agitators and self-proclaimed indigenous warriors blockaded roads and railways and set fires all over the place, Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stood in front of his pot smoking antique mirror modelling one of Australian Uncle Ernie’s sequinned pink g-strings and wondered what the self-proclaimed Wet’ suwet’en hereditary chiefs would think if he showed up at a meeting with them wearing only this.

Before boarding the plane, Renfield told members of the Canadian media assembled there at the airport,

“Under the amazingly incompetent leadership of Justin Trudeau, I have seen Canada’s future…”

“… And it is Nicolas Maduro’s Venezuela,” he added before boarding the plane.

. . .

While lying in his bed, Donald Trump was visited by an entity identifying itself as the ghost of Edgar Allan Poe.

Poe’s ghost saluted Trump and said, “Hail Prince Prospero.”

“Who the Hell is Prince Prospero?” Trump asked as he struggled to put his toupee on.

“You are,” Poe’s ghost answered.

Outside in the White House Rose Garden, Lady Death strolled about.

. . .

Meanwhile inside the library of an exclusive gentlemen’s club in the City of London, Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (vampiress granddaughter of the late Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh), who had recently defected from Beijing to the Republic of Taiwan, was waiting for the People’s Republic of China Ambassador to the UK to show up.

Ho Babylon Minh had just come from a West London theatre where she had been playing Lady MacBeth carrying the real dagger that had been used to non-medically euthanize a leading London stage actor playing the role of Scotland’s King Duncan in what would be that leading stage actor’s last ever performance (where he would also be unavailable for a final curtain call).

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday February 29th
2020.

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Late Victorian/Early Edwardian Photo of Kali?

February 27, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Late Victorian/Early Edwardian Photo of Kali?

Former British Conservative MP Agathor Christie was attending an antique photo exhibit being held at the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.

He was looking at a photo where the caption beneath it said that it was a late Victorian/early Edwardian era photo of the Hindu goddess Kali:

“Is this true?” Agathor Christie asked Dashwood Forrest the art gallery owner and curator.

“Well, according to the journal of esteemed London portrait photographer Edward H. Pickering, it is,” Forrest answered.

“But it seems to me I read somewhere that Kali has ten arms,” Agathor scratched his head.

“Well, having ten arms is just one of the forms she appears in (her Mahakali form) and since according to Mr. Pickering,” Forrest read from a photocopy of the photographer’s original journal, “Kali wanted her photo taken discreetly and didn’t want to attract attention walking the streets of London, she just appeared in the form of a regular woman. Walking down the streets with ten arms would have definitely attracted attention to one’s self.”

“That’s a good point,” Agathor had to agree.

“What was she doing in London?” Agathor’s private eye partner former Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley inquired.

“She wanted to see the capital of this Empire that claimed to rule her people of India,” Forrest answered.

“What were Kali’s origins?” Agathor put on his monocle🧐 and took a closer look at the photo.

“Well,” Forrest answered, “according to one tradition, the warrior goddess Durga, who also has ten arms, was riding a lion or tiger into battle against the Mahishasura (or Mahisa) the buffalo demon. Durga became so enraged at the buffalo demon in this battle that her anger burst from her forehead in the form of Kali. Once born, Kali went wild and ate all the demons she came across, stringing their heads on a chain which she wore around her neck.”

“Sounds to me Durga or Kali should go to Canada and battle a buffalo demon who’s wandering around there,” Agathor reflected over a glass of cognac just handed to him, “the man who defeated me as MP twice in the past two elections Renfield R. Renfield is currently visiting Canada and informs me that a demon buffalo was recently raised from the dead at its resting place in Tail Creek, Alberta. It is now wandering without a head across the provinces of Ontario and Quebec where it is aiding Mohawk Warriors and Trotskyite Marxists in a insurrection dubbed #ShutDownCanada.”

“Seems to me I heard something about that,” Forrest acknowledged.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 27th
2020.

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Trotskyite Anarchists Throw Burning Debris Against Canadian Trains

February 26, 2020 at 11:34 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Trotskyite Anarchists Throw Burning Debris Against Canadian Trains

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was once again giving a news editorial on a very very independent Ottawa radio station.

“Well, my dear Canadian friends,” Renfield began, “maybe you should just all move down to the U.S. of A. since according to Donald Trump’s press conference earlier today, the U.S. has the Coronavirus totally under control.”

“Of course, as we all know,” Renfield went on as he downed a bottle of gin, “such an announcement from such a personage is probably the strongest indication yet that the U.S. is about to experience a very severe outbreak of the Coronavirus.”

“As for Canada,” Renfield started on his second bottle of gin, “the Marxist Trotskyite insurrection continues as Prime Minister Justin says that he is very very upset with Tyendinaga Mohawk warriors throwing burning signs and burning tires at trains on railway tracks. If that isn’t enough to send the Tyendinaga Mohawk Warriors quaking in their Made In Communist China moccasins, nothing will.”

Renfield started on his third bottle of gin, “Former astronaut and currently spaced out Canadian Federal Minister of Transport Marc Garneau says that throwing burning debris at trains is recklessness.”

The British MP bit into a tuna fish sandwich and continued, “Throwing burning debris at trains isn’t recklessness.”

“It’s terrorism,” Renfield pounded his fist on the table, “still when you’ve got a wimp for your leader, wimpyness is sure to follow all around the cabinet table.”

Out on the streets of Ottawa, federal Liberal cabinet ministers were approaching people and saying, “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.”

Unless of course they were vegans in which case they’d ask for money for plant based burgers.

“I notice,” Renfield continued, “that Quebec Premier Francois Legault is astutely pointing out that the Kanesatake Mohawk Warriors are smuggling in arms including AK-47 assault rifles onto their blockades of various roads in Quebec as the Federal Liberals continue to do the lotus position upside down on their environmentally friendly eco-recyclable yoga mats, chant
“ommmm” and get in touch with their inner sugarplum fairy.

“Although some pot-smoking Kanesatake elder says it’s sheer hysteria to say that the Kanesatake Mohawk Warriors have AK-47s or any other type of heavy weaponry. Anybody with brains knows the Kanesatake Mohawk Warriors own AK-47s and other heavy weapons. Which they purchased following years of smuggling cheaper U.S. cigarettes into Canada and selling them to Canadians at still lower prices than Canadian cigarettes with their various federal and provincial taxes. Something which the Brian Bulroney government of the day turned a blind eye to. They didn’t even seize the weapons when the Mohawk blockade of Oka, Quebec ended in 1990.”

. . .

Down in Havana, Cuba, the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike who rented a condo in the city was meeting with Dr. Ja Oui Khan a sanity challenged scientist who rented laboratories in the city (and who also taught science in a government run literacy program recently praised by Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders).

“Dr. Khan,” Pike remarked as he smoked a Cuban cigar, “since the Trotskyite Communist 4th International are using a small group of Wet’ suwet’en hereditary chiefs’ land dispute with a natural gas company to try to disrupt the Canadian economy and destabilize the Canadian nation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I in the Neo-Nazi Fourth Reich Global Outreach can use these indigenous warriors’ blockades to start a race war which is always to my organization’s advantage. I thought it might be cool if I could drop a test tube of the Coronavirus at one of these blockades. The Trotskyites can then scream genocide and say the RCMP are behind it. Do you have access to such a test tube?”.

“I do,” Dr. Khan answered, “A metal rat I created which has the head of a demon buffalo on it is currently the Walmart style greeter at the Wuhan Institute of Virology in Wuhan, China. I can send him to either a Tyendinaga blockade in Ontario or a Kanesatake blockade in Quebec. Interestingly enough the metal rat demon buffalo head’s headless buffalo body is currently wandering the provinces of Ontario and Quebec having recently been brought back to life by a necromancer or shaman of unknown origin. The metal rat with the demon buffalo head can go looking for it as he dumps test tubes of Coronavirus.”

“Splendid,” Pike threw his Cuban cigar stub at the foot of a statue of an old Chicago cigar store Indian he had recently bought at a community organizing fundraising event in Chicago.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 26th
2020.

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Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka and The Wechuge

February 20, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka and The Wechuge

A group of Tyendinaga Mohawk Warriors sat at their blockades on the railway tracks near Belleville, Ontario.

Also among their ranks was a group of whites- all of whom were paid agitators from the Trotskyite Fourth International.

They sat eating hot dogs and listening to the radio.

On the radio was British MP Renfield R. Renfield, “I’ve been asked by the producer of this program not to mention the fact that Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg likes his employees to blow dry his arm pits before he gives a speech so I’m not going to mention that.”

“There must be a long list of people who want to kill this Renfield,” a Warrior remarked.

“One of our people managed to get ahold of the ice axe that was used to kill Trotsky in Mexico City in 1940,” commented a Trotskyite agitator, “so we plan to use that to do him in.”

Nearby a mysterious creature stalked the woods.

The creature was a Wechuge – a giant ice creature who had once been human but had become possessed by an ancient giant animal spirit.

The Wechuge were to be found in Western Canada.

This Wechuge had been a member of the Wet’suwet’en’ First Nation prior to having once ate human flesh and become a Wechuge.

It was this Wechuge who had appeared to some of the Wet’suwet’en hereditary chiefs and told them to oppose a gas pipeline that was actually supported by the vast majority of the Wet’suwet’en people including other hereditary chiefs and the elected band council.

She had appeared in the form of a beautiful woman and gave them what she claimed were Tim Horton’s plant based beef burgers to eat.

She said, “I find their flavour particularly satisfying.”

The Wechuge quickly shape shifted from giant ice creature to beautiful woman and approached the Mohawk encampment carrying what appeared to be cups of Tim Horton’s coffee and containers of Tim Horton’s Plant Based Beef Burgers.

“Take this and eat,” she handed out the containers of supposedly plant based beef burgers, “Do this in memory of me.”

She then vanished into the night.

. . .

“My pot smoking and cannabis exhaling marijuana plant turns out to be a late Victorian/early Edwardian antique mirror,” Justin Trudeau wept in front of his cabinet during a cabinet meeting, “One that doesn’t even reflect its immediate surroundings but rather reflects a closed used and rare book store on the street corner next to a desolate alley on a mist filled night in London, England.”

The cabinet looked at one another.

This was Canada’s national leader in a time of national crisis.

. . .


The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka sat on a tree stump in the wintery woods and awaited the arrival of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

The trio would be investigating the alliance of First Nations supernatural skulduggery and Trotskyite Marxism.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 20th
2020.

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The Summoning Forth of The Beelzekraken

February 15, 2020 at 11:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Sorcery, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Summoning Forth of The Beelzekraken 

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed at a London radio station on the subject of a possible UK Free Trade Agreement with the U.S.

“As long as Donald Trump is the President, we’d just be leaping from the frying pan into the fire if we went ahead with this trade agreement,” Renfield stated, “not of course that we’d be better off if any of the freaks who are currently front runners for the U.S. Democratic Party nomination became President either.”

Renfield finally finished the interview with the following statement about Donald Trump, “What can we say about the man who was (Joe McCarthy’s chief legal counsel and later Mafioso mobster defending lawyer) Roy Cohn’s personal bitch and boy toy back in the 1970s? Whose mentor-protege relationship consisted of Cohn breaking Trump in (via the rear end) and showing him the ropes (in a gay BDSM sense of that expression).”

Within seconds, a very irate and profanity laced phone call was made from the White House to the Pentagon.

As Renfield left the radio station and walked down the street, he was followed by a Trotskyite anarchist agitator who was very upset by a speech that Renfield had delivered to the Canada Club in London last night.

The British MP happened to notice a £5 note lying on the ground.

As he bent over to pick it up, a drone bearing the inscription IN TRUMP WE TRUST flew right over his head.

The drone blew the Trotskyite anarchist agitator (who was walking just behind Renfield) to kingdom come.

. . .

An ugly looking female freak with pink and purple hair (that made her look even uglier) really pissed genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee off.

So he beheaded the ugly looking freak and then cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion (rather than his usual just 999 trillion) pieces.

The rats recently released from a showing of the 1971 American horror film Willard could not bring themselves to eat the minuscule pieces of the revolting facially aesthetically challenged crime against humanity.

Neither could the 3 blind mice who flew a drone called Albatross 2.0

After an emergency council of all the gods and goddesses, Shiva the Destroyer arrived with his trident of destruction to totally melt and disintegrate the pieces into total non-existence so that the hideous particles would not exist in any of the multiverses.

Shiva then returned to the CERN Large Hadron Collider tunnel in Switzerland where he was being taught the Irish river dance by Irish dancer Michael Flatley.

. . .

From Lake Michigan on the shoreline of Chicago a Kraken emerged.

But this was no ordinary Kraken.

For while it had the body, tentacles and arms of an Octopus, its head was that of a giant fly.

The name of the creature was the Beelzekraken – a combination of Beelzebub (The Lord of the Flies) and a Kraken.

The unwashed ANTIFA member on the beach (who was already angry about being hit by waves from the lake) dirtied his already dirty jockstrap upon seeing the Beelzekraken.

He very much regretted having used the POSSIBLY ENGLISH LANGUAGE HIP HOP EDITION OF THE NECRONOMICON to summon the creature.

Even more so after the Beelzekraken swallowed and ate him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 15th
2020.

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