Kurdish Dancers, Arabian Nights and No Turkish Delights

October 12, 2019 at 9:56 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Kurdish Dancers, Arabian Nights and No Turkish Delights

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was about to have a phone call with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan regarding the Turkish invasion of northern Syria.

He decided to have Renfield R. Renfield his Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering in the background during the call.

Renfield being Renfield would undoubtedly do or say something that would help pressure Erdogan during the phone call and encourage him to pull out of Turkey.

As Johnson began talking to Erdogan, Renfield began singing his own paraphrased version of the song Henry VIII an old time honoured British music hall song.

Renfield singing,

“I am Erdogan the last I am, I am,
I just gave syphilis to the neighbour next door,
I’ve given out syphilis several times before,
every dirty sperm is an Erdogan, 
ERDOGAN!
I’m Erdogan the last, I am, I am…”

“I hate the British!” Was Erdogan’s remark when he had finished the call with Johnson.

. . .

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman was in the kitchen of one of his palaces where the cooks were preparing bones and meat left over from the Prince’s various opponents who had encountered MbS’s janitorial maintenance cleaning crews throughout the world.

“All these dishes are being prepared for the right guest,” MbS proudly told the ghost of Lady MacBeth who served as his spirit advisor.

“I see more American troops are arriving in Saudi Arabia,” Lady MacBeth commented.

“Yes, rather splendid of Trump to pull his troops out of Syria and start sending his troops over here to the Kingdom,” MbS smiled.

“Nothing like stabbing the Kurds in the back,” remarked the ghost of Brutus (who had stabbed Julius Caesar) as he ran by while being chased by Cerberus after he had temporarily escaped from the Underworld.

. . .

Donald Trump was in a garden when he saw a beautiful brunette woman in an exquisite and lovely green evening dress dancing sensuously in the moonlight.

Trump looked around.

No sign of Melania or anyone else.

Trump smiled.

He walked towards the woman and decided to be his usual charming self in order to entice the woman to him.

“Birds do it, bees do it,” Trump began singing, “even dogs and trees do it…”

Trump approached the woman.

He decided to use that classic pick up line from the Peter Sellers movie There’s A Girl In My Soup, “My God, but you’re lovely…”

“I’m also Kurdish,” the woman with flashing dark eyes pulled a knife out from under her dress and stabbed him… in the front… a little due south.

Trump woke up in a sweat.

He suddenly thought he heard Middle Eastern music being played from the White House garden.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 12th
2019

Advertisements

Permalink 4 Comments

Ethiopian Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed Wins Nobel Peace Prize

October 11, 2019 at 10:40 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Ethiopian Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed Wins Nobel Peace Prize

“I see the 2019 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to Ethiopian Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“I noticed that,” Renfield nodded, “Putting an end to a war that’s lasted 20 years (the Ethiopian-Eritrean conflict of 1998-2018), he certainly deserved it.”

“I noticed multitudes of people on various social media networks are very upset and outraged that Greta Thunberg did not win this year’s Nobel Peace Prize,” Amadeus pointed out.

“I saw a good meme that answered all those critics in the idiocy sphere,” Renfield showed Amadeus the meme on his laptop:

“That is a good meme,” Amadeus admitted.

“Yes, awarding a Nobel Peace Prize to someone who ended 20 years of war instead of giving it to someone who looks like a walking advertisement for the hazards of irregularity,” said Renfield.

“What’s that piece of paper you’re holding?” Amadeus asked.

“I printed up a photo that Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol sent me,” Renfield handed the photo to Amadeus, “it’s a photo showing Democratic Presidential candidate Beto O’ Rourke selling his soul to Baphomet.”

“Wow, Beto O’ Rourke sold his soul to Baphomet?” Amadeus hurriedly made the sign of the Cross which frightened off Pope Francis’ pet raven who happened to be gazing through the window.

“Yes,” Renfield took back the photo, “It should come as no surprise given some of the statements that O’Rourke has made recently.”

“Will that help him win the Presidency?” Amadeus asked.

“Who knows?” Renfield shrugged, “But to paraphrase a Carpenter From Nazareth (whose incarnate deity Pope Francis denies), ‘What shall it profit a man if he gains the Presidency of the United States and loses his own soul’?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 11th
2019.

Permalink 9 Comments

Renfield Discusses The Turkish Invasion of Syria

October 10, 2019 at 10:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield Discusses The Turkish Invasion of Syria

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was discussing the Turkish invasion of Syria with his friend Amadeus Emanon.

“Well several civilians have been killed and tens of thousands of people have been forced to flee their homes in northern Syria as a result of the megalomaniac Erdogan’s invasion,” Renfield remarked as he carved a turkey to make a turkey sandwich.

“And is the megalomaniac Trump going to do anything about it?” Amadeus asked as he carved a ham to make a ham sandwich.

“No, he’s too worried about impeachment,” Renfield added a sliced peach to his turkey sandwich, “a couple of Eastern European friends of his lawyer Rudy Giuliani were arrested today and charged with campaign finance fraud in making illegal contributions to Trump’s 2016 campaign.”

Some shit hit the fan in the kitchen at that moment.

“I should have known better than to leave the window open with all those geese blowing around in this windstorm,” Renfield closed the window.

“Where is most of the fighting in northern Syria taking place at the moment?” Amadeus asked.

“Around the border towns of Ras al-Ain and Tal Abyad,” Renfield answered.

“And what is the UN doing about it?” Amadeus inquired.

“What the UN always does in these situations,” Renfield acknowledged, “Nothing.”

Athelstan the butler entered the kitchen to make tea, “I understand the UN Security Council held an emergency meeting today to discuss the situation at the request of Britain, France, Germany, Belgium and Poland.”

“Which will just produce nothing but a lot of handwringing,” Renfield noted.

A bunch of severed hands from living dead zombies began ringing the doorbell.

Athelstan went to the door with a can of RAID House and Garden Zombie Killer and started spraying the hands where they dropped like flies.

“I see Erdogan says that he’ll send the 3.6 million refugees that Turkey hosts to Europe if Europe dares to call the Turkish offensive an occupation,” Amadeus added mustard to his ham sandwich.

“Yes, Erdogan seems to have a thing about certain words,” Renfield put cranberries on his turkey, “just like he doesn’t like it when you call what Turkey did to the Armenians in 1915 a genocide.”

“How’s Prince Vlad Dracula doing on the ground in northern Syria?” Amadeus inquired.

“He’s fighting alongside the Kurds,” Renfield bit into his turkey sandwich, “and his daughter the Countess Draculina has joined him along with my personal Army brigade of Gurkhas.”

Countess Draculina: Battling the invading Turkish forces of Recep Tayyip Erdogan

. . .

Pope Francis was at his desk in his Vatican apartment when the phone rang.

It was Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan calling.

“Hello, Frankie old boy,” the Turkish President tried to sound informal, “I hear you deny the incarnate deity of Jesus Christ. Being a Muslim, I too deny the incarnate deity of Jesus Christ. So since we have that in common, I was wondering if you’d like to take part in my coronation when I’m crowned Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire.”

“What was the date you planned for that?” Francis asked.

Erdogan answered.

“Let me check my calendar,” Francis opened his little red notebook with a photo of Chairman Mao on the cover, “Yes, that should be fine.”

A lemon meringue pie was thrown in Francis’ face at that moment just as Swiss Guards outside the apartment shouted that a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit had just entered the papal apartment.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 10th
2019.

Permalink 6 Comments

Renfield Discusses Pope Francis, Turkey and Belgium With Geeta Guru-Murthy

October 9, 2019 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Pope Francis, Turkey and Belgium With Geeta Guru-Murthy

BBC’s Geeta Guru-Murthy was interviewing British MP Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering.

They were discussing major happenings from around the world.

“Now, my first question to you, Mr. Renfield,” Geeta began, “does not involve strictly a political matter. However it has caused a great deal of controversy around the world and does involve a major global institution. The issue is of course the claim made by Italian journalist Eugenio Scalfari in today’s issue of La Republicca newspaper that Pope Francis does not believe in the incarnate Deity of Jesus Christ. What is your reaction?”.

“Well if Scalfari’s claims are true,” Renfield answered, “then we have the 2019 answer to that old question, Is the Pope Catholic? And that answer is, he isn’t.”

“Now regarding the situation in northern Syria,” Geeta went on, “Is it true that you sent your own personal Army Brigade of Gurkas over there to fight alongside the Kurds against Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s invading forces?”.

“It’s true,” Renfield answered as he ate a donair.

“And what do you think Erdogan has in mind in invading northern Syria?” Geeta queried.

“Well,” Renfield wiped his mouth with a napkin, “Erdogan’s attitude is if genocide was good enough for the Armenians in 1915, then it’s good enough for the Kurds in 2019.”

Renfield’s statement was met with a visceral reaction by the Turkish Ambassador in London who sent off a fiery letter of protest to the British Foreign Office.

Later when Renfield got home and was informed of the Turkish Ambassador’s note, Renfield thought to himself, “The Turkish Ambassador has obviously got his knickers in a knot.”

He immediately called the Sherrielock Holmes Dominatrix Agency to unknot the Turkish Ambassador’s knickers for him.

Later that night, the Turkish Ambassador was ambushed by 4 dominatrixes who pulled his pants down and cut up his underpants with scissors.

Geeta then asked Renfield, “What is your reaction to former Belgian Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt’s severe criticism of the Johnson government’s handling of Brexit that he made during a heated exchange in the European Parliament today?”.

“It made me seriously wonder whether we the British were correct in coming to the defence of Belgium back in 1914 when the Kaiser’s Germany invaded the country,” Renfield ate a plate of sauerkraut and sausages, “After all the evil Belgian King Leopold II committed genocide against 10 million Africans when he established a colony in the Congo not to mention robbing that country of most of its wealth thus making Belgium the wealthy spoiled brat country that it is today. We have to seriously ask ourselves was it worth it for the British Empire to declare war on Germany to come to Belgium’s defence thus setting in motion the First World War (with its resulting 4 years of horrific bloodshed) when had we ignored Belgium’s plight, the conflict would have remained strictly a European conflict rather than become a world wide conflict? Was it worth all that bloodshed to come to the aid of a country that is home to the world’s worst makers of Belgian waffles?”.

Renfield’s comment was met with a vitriolic reaction by the Belgian Ambassador to London who likewise sent off a fiery letter of protest to the British Foreign Office.

Later that night, the Belgian Ambassador was likewise ambushed by 4 leather skirted dominatrixes who pulled his pants down and cut up his underpants with scissors.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 9th
2019.

Permalink 21 Comments

Miranda Singh’s Shopping Lands Amadeus Emanon In Trouble

October 4, 2019 at 10:32 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Humour, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Miranda Singh’s Shopping Lands Amadeus Emanon In Trouble 

Miranda Singh shopping for Navaratri dresses

Miranda Singh was the Executive Secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

After a day of hard work at Set Enterprises, she was looking forward to shopping for dresses to attend various Navaratri celebrations in London.

She was to meet a girlfriend who would record her shopping and live stream it to FaceBook to ask for a poll from her friends and family as to which dress she should buy.

Of course Miranda would probably buy the dress that was her own personal favourite but still she’d keep her friends and family happy by thinking they had some input on the matter.

However her friend who was a nurse had been asked to work an extra shift at the hospital due to a co-worker not being able to work that shift.

Who would be able to video record her and live stream it to FaceBook now?

There were other friends she could call but no doubt they had already made plans for this evening.

Amadeus Emanon the personal concert pianist to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set happened to walk by the office at that moment.

He had been down at the Set Enterprises lab giving piano lessons to Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

Of course it was quite the challenge for Michelangelo to be able to play the piano with his lobster claws but Amadeus was a good teacher.

The lobster had given a stirring rendition of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony much to the amazement of his creator the Set Enterprises scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

When Amadeus walked by, she asked him if he would mind recording her and live streaming to FaceBook.

Amadeus said sure.

Some 30 odd stores later:

“I think I like this one.”

“Wonderful,” said Amadeus who was getting smart phone holder’s wrist (a new medical phenomenon) by this time.

At that moment, Amadeus’ girlfriend Angelique Dumont happened to enter the store.

“What the Hell do you think you’re doing?” An angry Angelique approached Amadeus.

“I’m video recording the dresses Miranda is putting on and live streaming it to FaceBook,” Amadeus explained.

“Why is it you never come shopping for clothes with me?” Angelique demanded to know.

“Well,” Amadeus replied, “since I’m not Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner, I find shopping for women’s clothes boring.”

“Wait,” Angelique turned livid, “you think accompanying me when I shop for clothes is boring. But you’ll do it with Miranda. It isn’t boring with her I take it?”.

Amadeus was totally at a loss for words.

He was even more at a loss for words a moment later when Angelique hit him with her purse and he lay sprawled on the floor.

Renfield, who happened to be in the vicinity, laughed when he saw what happened.

“Amadeus certainly doesn’t know much about women,” he shook his head.

Renfield soon found himself confronted by his parliamentary colleague Morgana Fay Lee the MP for the Welsh Constituency of Newbridge.

“How dare you leave the restaurant last night sticking me with the cheque?” Morgana hit him over the head with her purse leaving the MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds unconscious on the sidewalk.

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson walked by with an acquaintance.

He looked startled when he saw the unconscious Renfield on the sidewalk.

“Do you know that man?” Johnson’s acquaintance asked the Prime Minister.

“He was the one who came up with my government’s plan for Brexit and how to solve the Irish border question,” said Johnson.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 4th
2019.

Permalink 6 Comments

Ukrainian Easter Eggs At The Bottom of The Rabbit Hole

October 3, 2019 at 10:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Ukrainian Easter Eggs At The Bottom of The Rabbit Hole

Angelique Dumont was watching television as she sat in the cafe.

The cafe TV showed Donald Trump making a video conferencing call with a U.S. scientific expedition down in the Antarctic.

Donald Trump was talking to a group of penguins that the scientists were filming.

Trump told the penguins, “I sincerely hope that you will ask the government of Antarctica to investigate the activities of Joe Biden and his son Hunter.”

Angelique’s boyfriend Amadeus Emanon soon joined her at her table.

“First Trump has asked Ukraine and earlier today China and now the Antarctic to investigate the activities of Joe and Hunter Biden,” Angelique remarked to Amadeus.

“That seems to be one all encompassing rabbit hole,” Amadeus reached for a carrot from the vegetable appetizer plate for two.

“Of which Ukraine seems to be a part,” Angelique ate her perogies and sour cream, “Have you ever been to Ukraine?”.

“Once,” Amadeus nodded, “Back in 2015 when Renfield was still Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises, the Boss (Amadeus was referring to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) sent Renfield to Kiev to meet a Ukrainian billionaire oligarch Ihor Kolomoyskyi to work out a possible business deal between Koloymoyskyi and Set Enterprises. The deal didn’t work out but I got to spend a few days in Kiev.”

. . .

Back in 2015, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was giving Renfield and Amadeus a heads up on their meeting with Ukrainian billionaire oligarch Ihor Kolomoyskyi.

“This Kolomoyskyi is an interesting character,” Set began, “It’s against Ukrainian law for Ukrainian citizens to hold dual citizenship with another country so Koloymoyskyi gets around it by holding citizenship in 3 countries- Ukraine, Israel and Cyprus.”

“I take it that it’s not against the law for Ukrainian citizens to be citizens of 3 countries,” Amadeus munched on his bucket of hot buttered popcorn.

“Brilliant deduction, Amadeus,” Set answered in somewhat agitated fashion.

“Anything else we should know about this Ihor Koloymoyskyi?” Renfield asked.

“He likes to intimidate people when they first come to his office,” Set helped himself to a live crocodile from a nearby aquarium and ate it, “his office adjoins a shark tank with clear glass windows so that you can see the sharks when you enter his office. As soon as you’re invited to sit down, Mr. Koloymoyskyi will push a button on his desk and a spray of shrimp will shoot up in the aquarium which the sharks will promptly eat leaving patches of blood in the water.”

“He sounds like a villain in a James Bond film,” Amadeus turned pale.

“He does,” Set admitted.

“Well, thanks for giving us the heads up, Boss,” Renfield ate his shark fin’s soup and shrimp salad.

. . .

In his office adjacent to the shark tank which had a motorcycle and a black leather jacket (which had the words THE FONZ written on it) lying on the ocean like sand and rocks and sea weed at the bottom of the tank, Ihor Koloymoyskyi invited Renfield and Amadeus to sit down.

Once Renfield and Amadeus had sat down, then Koloymoyskyi (grinning like the Cheshire Cat about to eat the canary) pushed the button on his desk.

A spray of shrimp shot up into the aquarium and the sharks promptly ate the shrimps leaving patches of blood in the water.

As Amadeus sat looking petrified, Renfield calmly lit himself a cigar as all this was going on and started blowing smoke rings in the shape of the figures of Sir Winston Churchill and the British Lion.

When the sharks had finished eating the shrimps, Renfield removed a laser pointer pen from his pocket and pointed the laser point at the sharks.

This was no ordinary laser point for the laser beam immediately started dissecting the sharks and cutting them up.

When Renfield had finished, he helped himself uninvited to the bottle of Douro Valley Portuguese Port wine that Koloymoyskyi had on his desk and poured himself a glass.

“So,” Renfield lit himself another cigar, “let’s get down to business shall we?”.

“I paid $5 million each for each one of those sharks,” cried a thunder struck Koloymoyskyi.

“Boy, were you ever taken for a ride,” Renfield blew a smoke ring shaped like the Batmobile.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 3rd 
2019.

Permalink 66 Comments

Boris Johnson Adopts Renfield’s Plan For Brexit

October 2, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson Adopts Renfield’s Plan For Brexit

“Well, you certainly look as pleased as punch,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield as he walked through the door.

“I am,” Renfield helped himself to a glass of punch from the bowl of punch that Athelstan the butler had made.

“What brought this about?” Amadeus asked.

“Boris Johnson has adopted my plan that only Northern Ireland should be subject to the backstop rather than the entire United Kingdom,” Renfield grinned.

“And how exactly will that work?” Amadeus asked.

“Northern Ireland will stay in the European single market for goods,” Renfield replied, “and of course Johnson did add some touches of his own like the Stormont Assembly for Northern Ireland voting to adopt the arrangements first and then voting every four years on keeping them. But Northern Ireland would exit the customs union along with the rest of the UK under Johnson’s adaptations of my original plan. But the rest of the UK leaving the entire 
single market is my basic idea.”

“I see Jeremy Corbyn has said the plan is even worse than Theresa May’s plan for Brexit,” Amadeus noted.

“And it’s for that reason that I’ve officially nominated Jeremy Corbyn for the Jackass of The Year Award,” Renfield helped himself to a second glass of punch.

“The Liberal Democrats and the Scottish Nationalists are against it as well,” Amadeus added.

“The Liberal Democrats and the Scottish Nationalists are so full of shit that if you gave them all an enema before they died, you could bury them all in the same cigar box,” was Renfield’s final commentary for the night.

. . .

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was once again sleeping on the border that divided Northern Ireland from the south.

He was awakened by the sound of voices talking.

Yaldabaoth looked and noted a golden cobra walking alongside a green skinned man dressed as an Egyptian Pharaoh.

The leprechaun recognized the golden cobra as Maitreya who had crowned himself High King of Ireland at Tara on Saint Patrick’s Day of 2018.

He recognized the green skinned man dressed like an Egyptian Pharaoh as the god Osiris from pictures he had seen of the deity from an Egyptology course that the leprechaun had taken at Trinity College in Dublin many years ago.

“So,” Osiris boasted, “friends of mine have arranged for the Vatican Cardinal Samhain Cardinal Salaman to say the ancient Celtic Druidic Mass of Samhain this coming Halloween on the Republic of Ireland/Northern Ireland UK border to forever enslave all of Britain to the European Union of which I shall someday become Pharaoh.”

“So if I help you become Pharaoh of Europe,” Maitreya spoke, “I shall remain High King of Ireland once the Republic and the North join together as one.”

“That is correct,” Osiris nodded.

“What about this British MP Renfield R. Renfield?” Maitreya asked, “Won’t he put a damper in your plans?”.

“I shall have to find away to deal with this man who used to be Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for my brother Set,” Osiris seethed.

A text message went off on the green deity’s smart phone.

Osiris looked at it, “It’s from George Soros.”

“Is he afraid that Donald Trump has found out that the Democratic National Committee server was in fact based in Ukraine and that’s how it was so easy for the Russians to hack it?” Maitreya inquired.

“We shall see,” Osiris took the call.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 2nd
2019.

Permalink 6 Comments

Boris Johnson, Benjamin Netanyahu and The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec

September 25, 2019 at 10:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson, Benjamin Netanyahu and The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec 

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson had to return to the Westminster House of Commons today after Britain’s Supreme Court ruled yesterday that his proroguing Parliament for 5 weeks was illegal.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield the United Kingdom’s Deputy Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering (and therefore a member of Johnson’s cabinet) was giving his friend Amadeus Emanon a run down of today’s parliamentary brawls and name calling.

“The Opposition needless to say,” but Renfield said it anyway, “acted like so much braying asses. It seemed that Labour MPs, Liberal Democratic MPs and Scottish Nationalist Party MPs were having a contest to see who could do the best facial impersonation of Swedish teen climate activist Grumpy Greta Thunberg. Simon Cowell would have had a hard time trying to judge a winner. Labour MPs were trying to outdo U.S. Democratic Presidential candidate Joe Biden in showing signs of advanced senility. The Scottish Nationalist Party showed why Scottish independence was so overwhelmingly rejected in the 2014 referendum as the Scots no doubt didn’t want this gang of bozos to be the leaders of their independent nation. The British Liberal Democrats looked like walking advertisements for the Before pictures in posters for an Enema Relief Medical Clinic. It made one wish this was the Taiwanese Parliament where one could use one’s fists and knock the living daylights out of one’s opponents.”

. . .

Meanwhile in Israel, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was having a telephone conversation with his most ardent supporter in the deep state of the Mossad intelligence service the operative known as Star of Azazel.

“Now that the country’s President Reuvin Rivlin has asked me to stay on as Prime Minister and given me first shot at trying to form a coalition government in the state,” Netanyahu drank a glass of wine in celebration, “I hope you will proceed to do everything possible in ensuring that certain external circumstances outside the country will emerge in such a way as to get other parties to support me when Israel is faced with such a dire external threat.”

Star of Azazel put aside the book of Kabbalistic black magic wizardry and sorcery he had been reading when Netanyahu called and looked at his guests Ares the Greek god of war, Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war who were in his living room.

“We’re working on that, Mr. Prime Minister,” Star of Azazel said before ending the phone call.

Azazel looked at Morrigan who was the most intelligent of the three deities present in the room.

“I’m sure more drones can be sent flying into Saudi Aramco oil refineries,” Morrigan smiled as she smoothed her dress, “and plenty of our agents in Foreign Affairs Ministries and Departments throughout the world can point fingers at Iran.”

Star of Azazel smiled and drank a toast, “Mazel Tov.”

. . .

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec did an Irish jig when she completed dressing prior to going down to the UN General Assembly to give a speech on Climate Change.

“Global warming will definitely hit the UN tonight,” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing said when he saw what she was wearing.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 25th
2019.

Permalink 17 Comments

Britain’s Supreme Court Rules Suspending Parliament Was Unlawful

September 24, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Britain’s Supreme Court Rules Suspending Parliament Was Unlawful 

“Back in the 1970s,” British MP
Renfield R. Renfield told the BBC News Interviewer, “Mr. Justice William Morrow the first Chief Justice of Canada’s Northwest Territories said the end of Western Civilization would be brought about not by student protestors or the actions of foreign powers but by imbeciles sitting as judges on the benches of court rooms everywhere.
History has shown Chief Justice Morrow to be a 100% prophet. What alarmed Chief Justice Morrow was what he considered the vast number of imbeciles who were teaching as professors in various law faculties at universities all across Canada back in the 1970s. He said their erroneous ideas which would overthrow 1500 years of legal traditions and precedents in the Western world would be passed on to their students who would become lawyers and eventually become judges. This has now become the norm in Canada. A judge somewhere making a stupid decision is no longer news. It’s a judge who makes a sensible decision that’s now considered news. So of course there aren’t many real news stories emerging from the Canadian judiciary these days. But what was happening in Canada at the time was also happening in the U.S. and the United Kingdom. So the Age of Imbecility now reigns supreme in the judiciary of all 3 of these nations. Any appointment to the U.S. Supreme Court that does not meet with the approval of Wiccan airhead Alyssa Milano and her fellow Wiccan airheads across America is immediately accused of sexual harassment. And as for stupidity in the UK Judicial system, that can be seen by today’s ruling by Britain’s Supreme Court. On the plus side at least judges are showing what they truly are. The fact that Britain’s Supreme Court President Lady Hale chose to read the court’s judgement while wearing a giant diamond spider brooch on her lapel was at least honest. Poison is now falling across the land.”

. . .

After a day speaking and meeting with people at the UN General Assembly, Donald Trump decided to relax by spending time in an NYC karaoke bar.

Standing on stage was some long haired and bearded type who looked like he could easily fit into the band ZZ Top.

The man began singing an old John Denver song, 

“High Calypso the places you’ve been to,
The things that you’ve shown us,
The stories you tell,
High Calypso, I sing to your spirit,
The men who have served you so long and so well…”

Donald Trump asked his secret service detail, “Who is this guy? He smells of marijuana smoke.”

“I believe he’s a sheriff from some place up in Canada called Calypso’s Bosom,” one of Trump’s secret service bodyguards answered.

“And is this the Calypso he’s singing about?” Trump’s tongue started hanging out and drooling, “Some woman’s bosom? I’d like to go to the places she’s been to as well. And also see the things that she’s shown the men who have served her so long and so well.”

“I believe the Calypso was the research ship for French undersea explorer Jacques Cousteau,” replied another member of Trump’s secret service detail who looked a lot like Detective Dietrich from the TV show Barney Miller.

“Oh,” Trump looked disappointed.

The sheriff of Calypso’s Bosom was carried off stage while ranting about free speech, Charles Laughton and the many breasts to be found on the statue of Diana of the Ephesians.

“What’s he doing down here in the U.S. anyways?” Trump asked his secret service bodyguard who looked a lot like KAOS agent Siegfried from the TV show Get Smart.

“I believe Justin Trudeau sent him down here on an important matter of Canadian national security,” the Siegfriedish bodyguard answered.

“Did anybody here get the licence plate of that ET gray’s space ship?” The Sheriff of Calypso’s Bosom asked as he was carried off on a stretcher.

“That makes perfect sense,” Trump nodded.

. . .

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was walking through New York City’s Central Park when he came across the Chinese vampiress secret agent Mei-ling Manchu who had been tied to a tree by Cthulhu the Great Old One who was currently in New York City contemplating a run for the U.S. Presidency.

“I hope I’m not interrupting the filming of some new type of reality TV show scheduled for the family viewing time slot,” Dracul remarked as he untied her.

“Are you the vampire hunter who’s into tantric sex?” Mei-ling asked after she was untied.

“I am,” Dracul answered.

“Take me now,” Mei-ling said as she threw Dracul back on a pile of autumn leaves and mounted him.

Rudy Giuliani dropped the legal brief he was reading when he walked by and saw what was happening.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Tuesday September 24th
2019.

Permalink 18 Comments

Artemis In New York City

September 23, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Artemis In New York City

The Greek goddess Artemis was renting a rustic looking room in a quaint old apartment building in New York City for the opening week of the U.N. General-Assembly as leaders from all over the world came to the Big Apple and the UN to throw the bull.

The Greek goddess Artemis looked out the window as a haggard looking descendant of the original Minotaur was walking the streets of New York City towards the UN building where he would be thrown around the podium by world leaders.

“Poor bull,” Artemis said to herself.

On the TV in Artemis’ room was the image of Donald Trump appearing on the screen telling the media that he had never said or done anything underhanded in his telephone conversations with Ukraine’s President.

“And there’s the biggest offender of them all,” Artemis said aloud.

The Greek goddess of the hunt was in New York City to try to prevent her brother Ares from using the General Assembly proceedings as a staging ground to get world powers to wage war against Iran.

In this matter of wanting to start a widespread global war, Ares had for his allies Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war.

Morrigan had already managed to convince German Chancellor Angela Merkel, French President Emmanuel Macron and British Prime Minister Boris Johnson that Iran was responsible for the recent drone attacks on Saudi Arabia’s biggest oil facility.

Renfield R. Renfield who was Britain’s Deputy Foreign Secretary in Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering had tried to argue in a video teleconferencing call with the 3 leaders that the matter must be looked at with sober second thought.

However Morrigan managed to spike Renfield’s lemonade (that he was drinking during the video teleconferencing call) with a lethal brand of Shannon River moonshine that was slipped into Renfield’s lemonade by Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.

Therefore a most definitely not sober Renfield was unable to convince the 3 leaders to look at the whole Aramco oil refinery attack with sober second thought.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing entered the apartment.

The vampire hunter was Artemis’ ally in trying to upset the plans of Ares this week.

Artemis and Dracul decided to test out the springs of the mattress on the bed in the apartment.

Zeus had lightning bolts come out of his head when he looked through the window and saw what his daughter was up to with the extremely James Bondish 007 vampire hunter.

. . .

Village of Calypso’s Bosom Sheriff Stonewalled Jackman who was on a top secret mission for Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (although he had currently forgotten what that mission was) was walking through the UN building carrying several packages of Australian Uncle Ernie’s Chemicals of The Day.

He was stopped and invited to speak at a Conference On Climate Change by a UN official who thought the long-haired hippy looking Sheriff was one of the guest speakers.

Thinking they were candies, the UN official passed out the packages of chemicals to youthful Climate Change activists at the session.

Later on CNN that night, a CNN interviewer was interviewing Swedish teen climate change activist Greta Thunberg via livestream between New York and the newsroom in Atlanta when 3 minutes into the interview, the CNN newsroom director signalled that the livestream be brought to a screeching halt.

“Due to technical difficulties beyond our control, we are unable to continue with the rest of the interview,” the CNN anchorwoman informed the TV audience.

. . .

Meanwhile the South Pacific supernatural entity Cthulhu the Great Old One was meeting with Mammon the ancient Babylonian demon god of banking and commerce in the latter’s Manhattan penthouse apartment suite.

Mammon showed Cthulhu the posters he had printed up that Cthulhu had requested.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday September 23rd
2019.

Permalink 10 Comments

Next page »