Of Soccer Players, Renfield and New Orleans Vampiresses

September 20, 2017 at 4:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, theatre, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

It was a hectic day in the colossal west London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Set himself had flown to Atlanta, Georgia to meet former U.S. President Jimmy Carter to discuss an emergency matter that had just come up (involving a WW1 German U-boat submarine).

The butler and valet Athelstan’s mother (who was staying as a guest in the house for a few days) was screaming in her sleep and awakening the whole house, “Oh yes, Senor Messi, yes! You’ve definitely got your balls in the right place. Keep going! Keep going!!”.

Athelstan went running into her room to wake her up, “I have the feeling that if people dream about the same thing, then FC Barcelona’s Lionel Messi is having one Hell of a nightmare.”

Renfield R. Renfield was once again working on a speech he was giving on global affairs in the British House of Commons this time warning that the enigmatic Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike was plotting a hostile takeover of Monsanto warning “that this would be a major threat to agricultural and food production in Africa and Asia given Mr. Pike’s racist and genocidal attitudes.”

And Amadeus Emanon was getting ready for a date with the New Orleans vampiress and songstress Angelique Dumont.

They were planning to go see a play featuring the great London stage actor Sir Carlton Hardisty.

The name of the play was An Evening In London On The Eve of Sarajevo 1914.

Amadeus walked into the mansion’s piano room where Angelique Dumont was waiting for him.
Angelique Dumont

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 20th
2017.

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Renfield, Political Correctness and Krakens

September 18, 2017 at 6:09 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield, Political Correctness and Krakens

British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was making another speech to the UK 🇬🇧 House of Commons Parliamentary All-Party Foreign Affairs Committee after having read a blitheringly idiotic statement by Hollywood actor George Clooney on the Charlottesville incident.

Before his speech, Renfield held up for the committee a drawing he had done of George Clooney and various American late night talk show hosts sitting in a school classroom wearing DUNCE caps on their heads.

Said Renfield, “In consideration of the defining moment in history that Charlottesville has become on the road to a new global tyranny that seems to be emerging in the U.S. (political correctness taking the form of an all-encompassing Orwellian super state), we mustn’t be afraid to continuously give the assholes and idiots in the innately stupid American political establishment the raspberry they so richly deserve.”

Renfield took a sip of his martini (shaken not stirred in James Bond 007 fashion).

He continued.

“Now of course, Neo-Nazis and Ku Klux Klansmen are racist scumbags while the anarcho-communistic thugs and hooligans of Antifa are non-racist scumbags but that doesn’t mean that those belonging to Antifa are any less violence prone scumbags,” Renfield finished his martini 🍸, “to say otherwise is like saying that Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and Pol Pot weren’t such bad fellows after all since at least they weren’t racist like Adolf Hitler was.”

. . .

“It’s rather unfortunate that Cardinal Robert Sarah is black,” said the liberal Vatican 🇻🇦 Cardinal Walter Kasper, “if he was a white man, our great beloved and dear leader Pope Francis would have no qualms about immediately removing him from his post as Prefect of the Congregation For Divine Worship for suggesting such backwardly outdated ideas as priests should be allowed to say the old Latin Tridentine Mass if they wish and that furthermore the Mass should be said ad orientem (towards the East- where Christ is said to return according to our outdated Biblical mythology which is so definitely pre-Vatican II).”

“I wholeheartedly agree,” said Cardinal Reinhard Marx (who lived up to his family name).

. . .

In Rome, the ancient Egyptian vampire Osiris was reading a book 📖 called How To Spot A Good Kraken From A Bad Kraken.

His smart phone went off and he answered it.

It was his wife and sister-in-law the Egyptian Vampiress Isis calling from Paris.

“Darling,” Isis breathed into the phone, “I want you to come to Paris and meet the Kraken Napoleon VI and his lovely wife Medusa.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 18th
2017.

. . .

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Kwan Yin, Dracul Van Helsing, Renfield and Pope Francis

September 16, 2017 at 5:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Kwan Yin, Dracul Van Helsing, Renfield and Pope Francis

Kwan Yin stood outside the Prince of Wales Hotel on Upper Waterton Lake.

The Buddhist Goddess of Mercy was wearing a long flowing white dress.

But she was invisible to the Calgary Fire 🔥 Department firefighters standing guard outside the hotel.

As the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith approached in the wind driving the fire towards the hotel, Kwan Yin stood holding a lotus flower 🌺in her hand.

When Lilith, wind and fire got to within 100 metres of the Prince of Wales Hotel, Kwan Yin gently blew lotus petals off the lotus flower 🌺 in the direction of Lilith, wind and fire.

Lilith immediately fell on her ass with the fire singeing the hem of her scarlet red evening dress.

“Bitch,” Lilith fumed at Kwan Yin.

“The kraken Tutsokiua must not be allowed to arise from his sleep at the bottom of Upper Waterton Lake just yet,” Kwan Yin’s voice was the supreme melody of gentleness in feminine speech.

The Buddhist Goddess of Mercy then vanished leaving Lilith to fume and smoulder along with the ashes and cinders in her hair.

. . .

North Korean despot Kim Jong-un sat in his garden surrounded by fountains, roses and piles of human skulls.

He sat on the ground in lotus position wondering how he’d ever get up again and sang a now virtually forgotten Elvis 🕺 Presley song from the mid-1960s,

“Tell me just how can I take this yoga serious
When all it ever gives to me is a pain in my posterior-us…”

Kim Jong-un made a mental note to himself to have his yoga instructor shot the next day.

In his right hand, he held a daisy flower.

The dictator was awaiting the arrival of Ahriman the Persian Zoroastrian god of evil.

As he waited, Kim pulled a petal off the daisy, saying about Donald Trump, “He loves me…”

Then with the next daisy petal pulled off, he’d say, “He loves me not…”

By the time Ahriman finally arrived, Kim had pulled the final petal off the daisy, “He loves me not…”

. . .

“What’s on your mind, Dracul?” The British Transhumanist Member of Parliament Renfield R. Renfield asked the Canadian vampire hunter.

“Well,” Dracul Van Helsing responded, “I was at a site last night which had a link that I clicked on and the link was to the on-line papal encyclical Laudato Si. It was getting late so I only read the first few paragraphs.
Now I’ve read many other Papal Encyclicals before- those written by Leo XIII, St. Pius X, Pope Pius XI, Pope Pius XII, St. John Paul II and Pope Benedict XVI.
And I must say after reading the first few paragraphs of Pope Francis’ Laudato Si, I felt like I was reading the opening paragraphs of a badly written Grade 7 Junior High School essay rather than the opening paragraphs of a papal encyclical.”

“Maybe in Pope Francis’ case, they amount to the same thing,” Renfield suggested.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 16th
2017.

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Renfield’s Video, The Secular Socialist Taliban and The Coming Antichrist

August 28, 2017 at 2:00 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, )

Renfield R. Renfield was showing a video to the UK Parliamentary Foreign Affairs Committee which was tied in to the same theme he had spoken on a couple of days earlier.

The video showed Nazi German soldiers knocking Soviet red stars off buildings in Ukraine following the June 22nd 1941 invasion of the USSR in Operation Barbarossa.

“It’s always been the habit of an emerging totalitarian order to knock down and destroy the symbols of the old previous order,” Renfield R. Renfield spoke.

He then showed Antifa and anarchist thugs tearing down and stomping on the statue of a Confederate soldier in Durham North Carolina.

“Notice the sheer look of stupidity and brainless violent emotions on the faces of those who are tearing down the statue,” Renfield said, ‘such mindlessness leads one to accept whatever emerging totalitarian order is on the horizon.”

Renfield then showed the hypnotized looking faces of the Nazi youth at the 1934 Nuremberg rally from a clip from Leni Riefenstahl’s film Triumph of the Will.

“Faces showing the expression of lack of thought en masse always advertise the advent of an emerging totalitarian order,” Renfield explained.

He then showed Black Lives Matter protesters tearing down Christmas lights off the Christmas tree in Chicago’s Millennium Park back in November 2015 shouting F**K France (because the Paris terrorist attacks of that time had taken the international news spotlight off of them- the black militant anarchists and hoodlums) and exclaiming at the Christmas tree and lights “This is part of the problem” prior to trying to tear down the Christmas tree itself.

Renfield continued, “Roughly about the same time the cultural Marxist living in the Vatican Pope Francis said when that city’s Christmas tree was lit, “We are close to Christmas. There will be lights, there will be parties, bright trees… it’s all a charade.”

Renfield paused and poured himself 1/10th of water from a pitcher into a glass.

He then brought from underneath the table a bottle of Glenlivet single malt Scotch whisky and poured the liquid into the glass making up the other 9/10ths.

“So,” Renfield continued after downing the glass of whisky, “we have the head of the Catholic Church calling the Birth of Christ a charade and anarchist thugs in the Black Lives Matter movement saying of Christmas trees, “This is part of the problem.” But when we realize that Pope Francis, Antifa, Black Lives Matter and their allies in what Pat Buchanan calls the Secular Socialist Taliban are just the vanguard of the emerging totalitarian ideology, all of this makes sense. They want to tear down all of the symbols of the past. Thus they want to tear down Confederate statues, they want to tear down Christmas trees and lights, Pope Francis wants to remove all vestiges of the old Latin Tridentine Mass and the brainless teachers of the Ontario Teachers’ Federation want to remove the name of Sir John A. MacDonald (Canada’s 1st Prime Minister) from all public schools in the Canadian province of Ontario. The Orpheum Theater in Memphis Tennessee is going to stop showing the 1939 classic film Gone With The Wind because it’s considered racially insensitive (although racially insensitive to whom I don’t know as I thought Hattie McDaniel’s character of Mammy the maid was the only one with brains in the entire motion picture). And the Mayor of New York City is seriously considering taking down statues of Christopher Columbus in the city. The emerging totalitarian ideology behind the Secular Socialist Taliban has no shortage of adherents or “useful idiots” for the cause.”

“And what is this emerging totalitarian ideology?” asked the Chairman of the UK Parliamentary Foreign Affairs Committee who was starting to feel thirsty for a glass of whisky for some reason.

“Marxism,” Renfield answered, “although in the 21st Century, it has become the ideology that dare not speak its name. The Fall of the Berlin Wall gave it a bad name. But it has come back. It has emerged again. And it’s in North America ironically where this emerging neo-Marxism has been born. As my friend Dracul Van Helsing noted, in Charlottesville Virginia you had the idiots who still worshiped the 20th Century Antichrist Adolf Hilter (those belonging to the White Nationalist Movement, the Neo-Nazis and the Ku Klux Klan) battling off against those idiots who will worship the 21st Century Antichrist- those people belonging to Antifa, Black Lives Matter, various syndicalist-anarchist groups and their allies in the emerging Secular Socialist Taliban. Dracul says these people will be the first in line to receive the Mark of the Beast. And following close behind will be most politicians.”

One MP on the committee stopped looking at his recently acquired tattoo when he heard Renfield make his last statement.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 26th
2017.

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Boxing and The Supernatural

August 26, 2017 at 7:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Boxing and The Supernatural

Dracul Van Helsing was sitting in a London sports bar with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez.

Renfield R. Renfield MP had come into the bar to watch the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather Fight.

When he saw Dracul with the two elegantly dressed vampiresses, he turned around and left.

“I refuse to be around any ménage a trois where I’m not part of the ménage or the trois,” Renfield remarked bitterly as he walked out the door.

Dracul meanwhile was reading up about Conor McGregor’s sudden breakthrough into UFC fighting on a night in Sweden back in 2013.

And now here McGregor was in his first professional boxing 🥊 match.

He looked at McGregor’s picture and then thought of an email that Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol had sent him 8 years ago.

Here’s the background to that Whitstable email 8 years ago:

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2009/07/gordon-black-donnelly.html?m=1

Dracul told Qonzilqointec and Francesca about that email.

“So, what do you think?” Qonzilqointec asked Dracul, “Do you think this McGregor is Donelly?”.

“Yes, do you?” Francesca asked, “and if he is, that means he has boxed before.”

“I don’t know,” Van Helsing shrugged, “but it makes for an interesting story.”

Unbeknownst to the ménage a trois trio, French President Emmanuel Macron (on a private incognito visit to London) was sitting in the booth behind them listening to what they were saying.

He quickly exited and ran from the sports bar back to his hotel to pour some Grecian Formula on his hair as his hair had suddenly turned gray.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 26th
2017.

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Emmanuel Macron’s Make-up

August 25, 2017 at 5:34 pm (Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Emmanuel Macron’s Make-up

Amadeus Emanon was sitting in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal west London mansion.

Sitting across from him was the world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes who was now the new Chief of Security 🚨 and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises having replaced Renfield R. Renfield (who had recently been elected MP to the British Parliament).

Sherrielock was dressed in a white blouse, black leather mini skirt, black fishnet pantyhose and red spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes 👠 expecting a client for her dominatrix services.

She had told Amadeus that the anonymous client was a recently fired member of the Trump White House so Amadeus figured that the person could be any number of a 1000 people.

Renfield himself was still down at Westminster having told Amadeus that he was busy doing work on behalf of his constituents.

Amadeus figured that it was more likely that Renfield was cavorting with high price London call girls down in his Parliamentary office and charging it to his Parliamentary expense account.

Renfield being the unique politician he was had found a way of screwing the British taxpayer in more ways than one at the same time.

Amadeus, reading the newspaper, remarked to Sherrielock Holmes, “I see Emmanuel Macron since he became President of France 🇫🇷 has spent more than 26,000 Euros (£24,000) on make-up since he took office in May of this year.”

At that moment the ghost of the late American writer Truman Capote entered the room (Capote’s ghost being one of many now wandering the earth since the ancient Egyptian god Thoth’s entry into this current spatial/temporal dimension).

Commented Capote on the news story Amadeus had just been reading, “I gueth President Macron wanted to look pretty for when Donald Trump held his hand at the Bastille Day Parade.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 25th
2017.

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The Venezuelan Vampiress Francesca Chavez

August 24, 2017 at 3:38 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez sat in her hotel room in Caracas Venezuela.

To live in a five-star hotel in Caracas was the only place worth living in Venezuela ever since the disastrous Nicolas Maduro assumed power as President of the country back in 2013.

Francesca Chavez herself was a 1st cousin 3 x removed of the late former Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

She herself had supported Chavez but had thought Maduro would turn out to be a Venezuelan Stalin.

And currently Maduro was well on his way to becoming one.

Francesca Chavez had become a vampiress back in April of this year after a night of erotic lesbian lovemaking with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

Unbeknownst to either woman, the encounter had been filmed by Renfield R. Renfield (“strictly for sociological purposes” as Renfield explained to his friend Amadeus Emanon when he caught him watching the video).

Renfield and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had been in Venezuela at the time plotting a coup to overthrow Nicolas Maduro.

The trip and coup planning were cut short when British Prime Minister Theresa May called a snap UK General Election and Renfield returned home to run as a candidate for the British Transhumanist Party.

Now Britain’s MI-6 had sent Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to Caracas Venezuela on a fact finding mission to determine just how bad the political situation in Venezuela currently was.

Van Helsing entered the hotel room and saw the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez sitting there:
Venezuelan Vampiress Francesca Chavez
Van Helsing stood there totally transfixed.

“Hello there,” Francesca threw back her blonde hair and smiled at him, “how shall we start?”.

“Well,” said Van Helsing, “you can start by taking me across your lap and giving me a bare bottom spanking.”

“All right,” she said somewhat taken aback, “if that’s how MI-6 conducts business these days.”

“It is under my watch,” Van Helsing answered.

So that is what then happened.

. . .

British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was trying to contact Dracul Van Helsing on his mobile phone to get an update on the political situation in Venezuela prior to Renfield giving a speech to the UK Parliamentary House Committee On Foreign Affairs.

But he couldn’t get a hold of him.

“I imagine he’s up to something kinky with the Venezuelan vampiress Francesca Chavez,” Renfield remarked angrily to Amadeus.

“And you’re naturally jealous because it isn’t you instead,” Amadeus remarked quietly while munching on potato chips.

“That’s besides the point,” Renfield harrumphed.

Renfield went down to the Committee meeting and instead of speaking on Venezuela, he spoke on the removal of Confederate statues in the U.S. instead.

Said Renfield,

Pat Buchanan has called the groups wanting to remove Confederate statues in the U.S. the Secular Socialistic Taliban (the Taliban of course blew up ancient statues of Buddha in Afghanistan and ISIS destroyed an ancient Temple at Palmyra). The Secular Socialistic Taliban operate under the delusion that the sole reason for the Civil War was slavery (ignoring Lincoln’s own statement that he himself would preserve slavery if it would preserve the Union- he only sought to openly abolish slavery after the Southern states voted to secede anyways)- conveniently forgetting that another reason for the Civil War was the huge tariffs northern states were slapping on products of southern states.
Now the Secular Socialistic Taliban are opening up their stupid brainless mouths up in Canada wanting to remove the name Sir John A. MacDonald from all schools in Ontario (Sir John A. MacDonald was Canada’s first Prime Minister) claiming MacDonald practiced genocide against Canada’s indigenous people- a lie of course. But then groups like Antifa and their Secular Socialistic Taliban allies believe lies as much as the Ku Klux Klan and Neo-Nazis do.

The remarks did not go over well with the rest of the MPs on the committee who like most politicians were gutless and spineless when it came to political correctness.

Renfield received an angry phone call from Canada’s liberal progressive cultural Marxist Prime Minister Justin Trudeau who did not like what was said in the remarks to the UK Foreign Affairs Committee.

Renfield told Mr. Trudeau, “Go fuck yourself.”

To which a stunned Justin Trudeau said, “I don’t think that’s physically possible.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 24th
2017.

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A Working Day In The Life of Renfield MP

August 18, 2017 at 6:56 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) ()

A Working Day In The Life of Renfield MP

Renfield R. Renfield had started his day by flying to Spain where he had been asked to deal with captured Islamic State terrorists who had been arrested in the wake of yesterday’s Barcelona van ramming in the Las Ramblas district.

He had brought along with him a piece of equipment and software invented by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

“Hello,” Renfield grinned at the ISIS prisoner when he saw him, “this Rocher Sensory Virtual Reality Machine was invented by my friend Dr. Cadbury Rocher at my suggestion. You’re probably wondering why you’re tied down to this table. That’s so we can put these VR goggles as well as extra wires on you without struggle. Now given that you dirtbags’ favourite method of terrorism these days is to run down people with motor vehicles, this VR mechanism controls the nerves and pain mechanisms in your body so when we put these goggles on you and run our program, you will see yourself being hit and run over by an approaching motor vehicle but thanks to the wires, you will also feel the same pain victims feel when their limbs are smashed and whatever else is broken when the vehicle hits them. However unlike real life victims who either die or their pain is eventually anesthetized in hospital, once you feel the pain for an agonizing half-hour, the program then ends, you’ll get temporary relief but the program then starts over again. And over again. And over again. So theoretically you can now enjoy the experience of getting hit and run over by a motor vehicle and feeling the subsequent pain of crushed limbs and broken ribs and spines and feelings of paralysis several hundred times a day… and night.”

The prisoner turned pale.

“Enjoy the show,” Renfield put the goggles on the man and flipped the switch.

. . .

Renfield’s explanation and the man’s screams were broadcast via invisible Tesla radio sound waves (that didn’t require the presence of physical loudspeakers) at various Islamic State training camps throughout the Middle East.

One angered Islamic State leader said, “We must kill this Renfield.”

“Wrong answer,” said the Commander of the British Army Brigade of Gurkhas who led the raid storming the camp and entering the tent with guns blazing

Those not killed were immediately bound and transferred to the facility in Spain where they themselves could enjoy Renfield R. Renfield’s Amazing Pain Sensation and Virtual Reality Smash Them Up Motor Derby Show.

. . .

“Political correctness is cultural Marxism,” Renfield R. Renfield explained to a BBC interviewer later in the day, “Cultural Marxism is the process articulated by early 20th Century Italian Communist theoretician Antonio Gramsci whereby to penetrate and infiltrate and dominate the culture is far more effective than revolution or armed struggle in bringing about a Marxist society.”

“Really?” said the BBC interviewer.

“Yes,” Renfield continued, “Gorbachev was a disciple of Gramsci’s ideas. That’s why he thought he could allow for Perestroika and glasnost and letting the Eastern European satellite nations go since the West had pretty well become Marxist atheistic materialistic in its thought anyways. Parts of the Western world might pay lip service to religion (the former Christianity that had once dominated it) but for the most part, most Church leaders in the West had become cultural Marxists in their thinking anyways. The most clear example of this is the Vatican itself where once the anti-Communist popes like John Paul II and Benedict XVI were out of the way, you now have a cultural Marxist like Pope Francis presiding over the Catholic Church.”

“But yet it sounds like cultural Marxism doesn’t call itself cultural Marxism, it calls itself political correctness instead,” the BBC interviewer pointed out.

“That’s right,” Renfield nodded, “ever since the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989 and the collapse of the USSR in 1991, Marxism has, in the early 21st Century, become the ideology that dare not speak its name. The reason being that Marxists were shown to be losers.
And everybody, no matter who they are or what political ideology they adhere to, hates being thought of as a loser. Gorbachev never in his wildest dreams probably suspected that Perestroika and glasnost would lead to the dissolution of the USSR itself. But that’s what happened. Marxism had lost the Cold War. And the term Marxist became synonymous with loser. So Marxists no longer called themselves Marxists- especially in the U.S.- they called themselves Progressive instead.”

“You have said that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are both cultural Marxists,” the interviewer noted.

“That is correct,” Renfield noted, “And that’s why Hillary’s supporters went so berserk when she lost the election. Because Marxists, whether cultural or armed militant, seem to be psychologically prone to great histrionics when they don’t get their own way. As can be seen by the actions of Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and Pol Pot when they killed millions upon millions of people they thought stood in the way of their creating the perfect classless society. American progressives calling themselves SJWs (Social Justice Warriors- when I first encountered the term on social media- I thought it stood for Single Jehovah’s Witnesses and I thought someone should really get these pathetic losers married off before they continue to make stupid comments on social media) throw temper tantrums on social networking sites. They gather together in groups to get their way. At one time brainless howling mobs used pitchforks and torches to go after people they disagreed with. Today they use Twitter tweets and Facebook postings.”

“And speaking of Twitter tweets,” the interviewer interjected, “what about Donald Trump?”.

“He comes across as the modern day equivalent of an ancient Roman Emperor,” Renfield answered, “somewhat insane and always making daily changes to his household staff.”

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Renfield,” said the BBC interviewer.

And such was a working day in the life of Renfield R. Renfield MP.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 18th
2017.

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London Swings Like A Pendulum Do: The Tower of Big Ben

August 17, 2017 at 8:13 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , , )

London Swings Like A Pendulum Do: The Tower of Big Ben

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had received an urgent text message from the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

Apparently Qonzilqointec had always wanted to make out underneath the bell of Big Ben in the famous London clock tower that people also called by that name.

Now the Aztec vampiress had just found out that the Big Ben clock tower would be undergoing renovations for the next 4 years and the bell would fall silent following the chimes at noon next Monday August 21st.

She asked Dracul to meet her underneath the bell at the clock tower between 7 and 8 tonight so they could make out.

“I’ve got to go,” Dracul explained the whole situation to Amadeus Emanon whom he was having tea ☕️ with.

Dracul exited the tea shop.

Amadeus’ iPhone went off.

“Hello?” Amadeus answered.

“Hello, Amadeus?” It was Renfield R. Renfield, “I’ve lost Dracul’s mobile phone number. Is he still there with you?”.

“No, he’s gone to the Tower of Big Ben to make out with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec underneath the bell since they’re going to silence the bell for the next 4 years starting next Monday,” Amadeus unwrapped and ate a chocolate covered peanut shaped replica of the Dr. Who TARDIS Police Call Box Public Phone Booth.

“Wow, some guys have all the fun,” Renfield remarked as the Simon and Garfunkel song The Sounds of Silence played on the radio behind him.

. . .

Cardinal Walter Kasper was walking through the halls of the Vatican when a statue of Our Lady of Fatima crashed down right beside him.

“Oh well,” Cardinal Kasper looked at his watch ⌚️ 7:06 PM, “No great loss.”

. . .

The great South African artist SAREJESS was having another dream.

He dreamed that the Tower of Big Ben in London was sending out a great searchlight signal that read 1001 Positions of the Kama Sutra.

He saw Dr. Who’s TARDIS Police Call Box Public Phone Booth flying through the air.

He saw the Greek god Ares dressed in a full suit of armour prepared for war and sailing on the Ship of Hades (a ship he had recently painted a few weeks ago) at sea.

He saw North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un wearing a top hat 🎩, tux, tails and cane and tap dancing while holding hands with Bob Hope and Bing Crosby singing Thanks For The Memory while the clock struck midnight at Rick’s Cafe Americain in Casablanca.

He saw Donald Trump shampooing his hair and a barrel of monkeys falls out of it.

He saw the three-headed dog Cerberus biting a scythe holding Father Time on the buttocks.

He saw Ares trying to shove a large tornado shaped vortex into a small bottle.

He saw a red dress wearing red headed woman standing in the middle of snow ❄️ in the middle of a forest and firing two unusual looking armed weapons.

The woman (although a redhead) looked like Serena the blonde he had seen in the room with Belvedere on the 2nd floor of The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon in that dream he had a few weeks ago where an Egyptian Pharaoh looking Orson Welles had come out of a Cuckoo Clock on the room’s wall.

. . .

British Prime Minister Theresa May was just walking below the clock tower of Big Ben at Westminster when a pair of very sexy red lingerie Victoria’s Secret panties fell down on top of her head.

“Nice looking panties, Mrs. May,” British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked as he walked by.

“They’re not mine,” Mrs. May’s blushing 😊 red face could not be seen under the red panties.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 17th
2017.

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Renfield MP On The Crisis In Venezuela

August 3, 2017 at 3:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

“Holy orgasm, Batman,” said Boy Wonder Robin as he read the book on Tantric Sex.

Renfield turned off the television when he heard the knocking at the front door.

Funny, he hadn’t recalled ever seeing that particular episode of the 1960s Batman TV series with Adam West before.

Renfield opened the front door of the Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion only to see a horde of reporters standing out there.

“Mr. Renfield, Mr. Renfield, what do you think of the current situation in Venezuela?” A reporter asked the newly elected Vice-Chairman of the UK Parliamentary All-Party Committee On Foreign Affairs.

“Well, as you know,” Renfield lit himself a Cuban cigar as he spoke, “last April, I was in Venezuela plotting the overthrow of the Communist despot Nicolas Maduro’s government. Then of course Theresa May called a snap election and I had to come home to run as a Parliamentary candidate for the British Transhumanist Party that I founded. Mrs. May should have really had the consideration to wait until I had actually overthrown the Maduro regime before calling the election. But the best laid plans of shape-shifting hamsters and men are often led astray by the follies of airheads.”

“What about the recent vote for a new Constituent Assembly?” A reporter asked.

“A total sham,” Renfield answered, “the only people taken in by it are all these loser SJWs (Social Justice Warriors) who aren’t getting any sex and this lack of sex has led to stupidity on the brain which has caused them to embrace far left-wing causes which any sane rational person wouldn’t embrace.”

“Would you go back to Venezuela and overthrow the Maduro government then, Mr. Renfield?” another reporter asked.

“Well, I’d have to check with the Westminster House of Commons Ethics Commissioner first and see if it’s permissible for a sitting MP to overthrow a foreign government,” Renfield replied.

“That didn’t stop Tony Blair when it came to Saddam Hussein,” Amadeus quipped on the steps behind Renfield.

“Shut up, Amadeus,” Renfield angrily turned around and glared at the concert pianist furious that his friend had brought up an historical fact he had never considered when answering that question.

The Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (wearing a heavy Beijing Laboratories developed sunblock that prevented her from frying to a crisp in daylight), who was standing behind the reporters, smiled at the exchange.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 3rd
2017.

Vampiress Mei-ling Manchu Touring The British Museum
Vampiress Mei-ling Manchu touring the British Museum on her day in London

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