Molly Lily Kwan O’ Reilly

June 8, 2023 at 10:05 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Molly Lily Kwan O’ Reilly the Asian leprechaun 🍀

Molly Lily Kwan O’ Reilly was an Asian leprechaun.

She sat in a wing of the Emperor’s Palace in the Forbidden City.

She was hoping to see what Communist China’s 🇨🇳 paramount leader Xi Jinping was getting up to in his personal chambers.

. . .

Meanwhile in Canada, a Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit of korrigan commandos were busy bumping off green eco-terrorist arsonists who were starting forest fires 🌳 🔥 all over Canada in an effort to promote the World Economic Forum Climate Change Agenda.

As British MP Renfield R. Renfield put it, “Bureaucrats in the Western world seem to be singularly focused on the one-degree Fahrenheit change in global temperature since the time of Charlemagne.”

Korrigans are of course the fairies or dwarf like spirits from the Breton region of France 🇫🇷.

Many Korrigans were unhappy about living in a France ruled over by a cougar chasing World Economic Forum puppet like Emmanuel Macron so many had gone over to Britain.

And many were now working for Set Enterprises as a Commando unit.

For the past month green eco-terrorist arsonists had been starting forest fires all over Canada.

The arrests had been reported in small town newspapers (not affiliated with any huge corporate conglomerate) but the arrests had of course been totally ignored by the large corporate controlled brainless mainstream media who were all promoting the Orwellian Big Brother Ministry of Truth narrative that man-made CO2 emissions were responsible for climate change.

In this way the would-be global ruling elites would be able to eliminate all industrialization, most forms and practices of agriculture and 8.5 billion people from the world’s population.

The amount of eco-terrorist set forest fires 🌳 🔥 in Canada was so bad that the smoke was now reaching as far away as Norway.

The smoke was of course engulfing the U.S. northeast and in particular the cities of New York and Washington DC.

Already New York’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist Sen. Chuck Schumer was blaming the forest fires on Climate Change.

And in the Canadian House of Commons, the Green Party’s facially aesthetically challenged leader Elizabeth May was blaming the forest fires 🌳 🔥 on Climate Change.

Her plea was immediately hailed by Canada’s bedwetting Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau as further proof as to why liberty and human rights must be curtailed in an effort to combat Climate Change.

People’s Party of Canada leader Maxine Bernier (currently running in a Federal By-election in Manitoba) tweeted that “Elizabeth May wanted to take the world back to the Stone Age in an effort to prevent green eco-terrorist arsonists from starting forest fires.”

Meanwhile in Ontario, a green eco-terrorist arsonist had just had 6 bullets fired into him by a Set Enterprises korrigan commando.

“Oh shit,” the dying green eco-terrorist arsonist lamented, “I guess this means I won’t live to see my paycheque from George Soros.”

. . .

Meanwhile in the South China Sea, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was aboard the Royal Navy aircraft carrier HMS Baskerville which was sailing alongside the Royal Navy destroyer HMS Conan Doyle.

Last week the Royal Canadian Navy frigate ship HMCS Montreal had been sailing alongside the U.S. Navy destroyer USS Chung-Hoon when the USS Chung-Hoon was almost hit by a Chinese PLA Navy destroyer in a near miss almost collision in the Taiwan Strait.

Today Renfield was invited to take off and fly in a Royal Air Force fighter jet off the aircraft carrier HMS Baskerville.

As Renfield was flying in the RAF Fighter jet above the South China Sea and happily singing the song On A Slow Boat To China, a Chinese PLA Air Force plane cut directly in front of him.

Renfield calmly reached for a tuna 🍣 fish sandwich from his lunch picnic 🧺 basket, munched on it as he pulled the trigger and happily blew the Chinese PLA Air Force plane and its pilot away to kingdom come.

Later in His Majesty King Charles III’s study, his personal aide-de-campe Paddington Bear arrived to inform him that British MP Renfield R. Renfield may have just started World War III.

“Who will rid me of this troublesome MP?” The King sighed.

Meanwhile in Beijing, Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping did an impersonation of Joe Biden in his underpants when he heard the news that a Chinese PLA Air Force plane was shot down by a British MP.

The Asian leprechaun Molly Lily Kwan O’ Reilly took a photo of the event with her Huawei smart phone and uploaded the picture to Instagram and in the unkindest cut of all also uploaded it to TikTok.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 8th

Permalink 2 Comments

Aphrodite In Venice

June 3, 2023 at 10:14 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Aphrodite in the city of Venice

The Greek goddess Aphrodite was in the city of Venice wearing a beautiful lilac dress as she walked along a brick pier.

She was here to meet Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Van Helsing was on a mission for Set Enterprises.

Set Enterprises was hoping to stop Asclepius the Greek god of medicine, Thoth the Egyptian god of math 🧮 and the sciences, the Norse trickster god Loki, evil deranged mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci and the satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio from bringing the Egyptian divine trio of Isis, Osiris and Horus back from the dead.

Isis, Osiris and Horus had recently been dispatched to the Underworld by Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit secret agent Phoebe Sears.

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was hoping to use Van Helsing’s influence with Aphrodite to use her influence with Zeus to use his influence with his grandson Asclepius not to bring that Egyptian divine trio back from the dead.

Orson Welles’ ghost was on a boat enjoying a plate of spectral Black Sea caviar as Van Helsing approached Aphrodite.

Van Helsing and Aphrodite went to a nearby Venetian restaurant to discuss their plans.

The waiter in the restaurant poured Dracul and Aphrodite glasses of iced water as the pair examined the menu.

Samhain Cardinal Salaman (one of the few heterosexuals in Francis’ Vatican Curia) walked by.

He tapped each one of the glasses of iced water 💦 and turned it into wine 🍷.

“Don’t worry,” the Cardinal smiled, “I am just a volshebnik. I am not Christ.”

Meanwhile back on the boat, the ghost of Orson Welles holding a glass of red wine 🍷 that suddenly turned to iced 🧊 water 💦 watched as the ship The Flying Dutchman sailed into the Venetian harbour.

“Captain Hendrick Van der Decken at your service,” a man wearing the 18th Century maritime uniform of a sea captain for the Dutch East India Company appeared in front of Welles.

. . .

World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab would be speaking to a group of influential businessmen.

Set Enterprises had sent one of their Intelligence Unit secret agents the invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka purple bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger to inject a needle 💉 containing truth serum into the buttocks of Klaus Schwab so he would be compelled to tell the truth at some point during his speech.

As Schwab stood up at the podium shooting his mouth off with banal platitudes, he suddenly grimaced but then went on.

Said Schwab, “Adolf Hitler said it by railway loudspeaker to the Jews leaving by train to the camps of Auschwitz, Buchenwald and Dachau almost a century ago and I will say it again, “You vill own nothing and you vill be happy.” Oh kacke scheisse, I can’t believe I just said that.”

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Saturday night podcast.

Noted Renfield, “Earlier today I got an invitation on Facebook from a group calling itself Bud Light Drinkers 4 Justin a group whose motto is Justin Trudeau is The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread 🥖 🍞. I googled the group and I’d have to say the photo of the group Bud Light Drinkers 4 Justin looks a lot like The Rocky Horror Picture Show but with a lot uglier looking transvestites. I messaged them back saying Thanks but no thanks. I also pointed out that Justin Trudeau is not the greatest thing since sliced bread. He’s the greatest thing since castration.”

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Saturday June 3rd

Permalink Leave a Comment

British MP Renfield R. Renfield Explains Critical Race and Critical Gender Theories In A Nutshell

June 1, 2023 at 9:51 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Miranda Singh a special intelligence agent and operative for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit listens to a Thursday night podcast from British MP Renfield R. Renfield

Miranda Singh a Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit operative was listening to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s podcast while sitting in a park in London, England.

His Majesty King Charles III in disguise 🥸 as a Groucho Marx lookalike walked by the lovely and beautiful Miss Singh.

“Oh, to be King Henry VIII,” Charles sighed, “I could order that wretched MP to be beheaded.”

Renfield’s podcast started with a bunch of weird looking rainbow 🌈 holographic images being shot down with laser death rays being fired by Set Enterprises’ hypersonic missiles.

The display caused senile old fool Joe Biden to trip and fall to the ground at a U.S. Air Force cadet graduation ceremony.

Next the ghost of Orson Welles appeared sitting at a table and sipping a glass of spectral red wine 🍷.

“Saint Paul the Apostle said it in one of his epistles almost 2000 years ago,” Welles held up the glass of wine 🍷, “and in a somewhat paraphrased version, I will say it again, ‘Welcome to Pride in the ability to masturbate into the rectum of another Month’.”

This was followed by British MP Renfield R. Renfield sitting at a desk wearing a JENNIFER JOHNSON FOR LACOMBE-PONOKA ALBERTA MLA campaign button.

“Diversity, equity and inclusion,” Renfield began, “are code words for the perverts in the Alphabet Soup Community to be in your face (and possibly other areas of your anatomy) 24/7, 365 days a year, 100 years a century and 10 centuries a millennium.”

Renfield then went on to analyze contemporary sports and baseball ⚾️.

“Toronto Blue Jays pitcher Anthony Bass is a wimp and a wuss,” Renfield put on a colourful sports commentator Don Cherry suit and tie, “At first he did splendidly by giving the sodo-Nazis, pronoun Fascists and lesbo-Stalinists in the Alphabet Soup Community the raspberry they so richly deserve. Then he turns into a sissy and apologizes to them. Over to the ghost of Winston Churchill for his comment.”

Winston Churchill’s ghost sat in a comfortable armchair smoking a spectral cigar and sipping a spectral glass of brandy.

“Anthony Bass,” Churchill spoke in his distinctive Battle of Britain 🇬🇧 style speaking voice, “What a wimp. What a wuss.”

Renfield then went on to explain Critical Race Theory and Critical Gender Theory in a nutshell.

Said Renfield, “Critical Race Theory in a nutshell is this: The white race is responsible for all the world’s problems.”

Renfield then went on to the subject of Critical Gender Theory, “Critical Gender Theory in a nutshell is this: The male gender – and particularly those members of the biologically born male gender who actually think they’re males and are actually sexually attracted to members of the biologically born opposite sex- they are responsible for all the world’s problems.”

Renfield then went on to explain a lesser known theory – Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory.

“Now of course,” Renfield pointed out, “Non-binaries do not consider themselves freaks and weirdos even though that’s exactly what they are. What a Calgary based geopolitical analyst labels as Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory is being taught by cultural Marxist Neo-Bolshevik Communist groups such as the Alberta Teachers’ Association whose only accomplishment these days is to ensure that Alberta schoolchildren are transgendered, queer and Communist upon graduation.”

Renfield then went on to explain Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory in a nutshell.

Said Renfield, “Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory is this: Those who identify as members of the biologically born gender they’re born into and who are sexually attracted to members of the opposite biologically born gender are responsible for all the world’s problems.”

Joe Biden was immediately alerted by the European Union 🇪🇺 Commission (who most definitely were getting their panties in a knot 🪢 at the moment) as to the British MP’s most recent genocidal and Crimes Against Humanity statement.

Mused Biden, “I wonder if I should order a Cruise missile attack on Renfield’s office in the British House of Commons.”

After dropping a load of large sized brownies in his pants, Biden said, “I think I shall.”

Biden immediately got on the phone 📞 to the Afghan Taliban government in Kabul and asked if he could buy a U.S. Cruise missile from them.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday June 1st

Permalink Leave a Comment

A Dragon For World Dracula Day

May 26, 2023 at 9:28 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Black Knight summoning the Black Dragon.

He was the Black Knight of Arthurian Legend.

Thought long dead.

But he survived on a Morgan Le Fay cocktail.

And lived even into the 21st Century.

As befitting this Black Knight, he flew a winged Black Dragon for special occasions.

And today was a special occasion.

It was World Dracula Day.

World Dracula Day was celebrated every May 26th because it was on May 26th 1897 that Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula was first published.

The holiday was created in 2012 by The Whitby Dracula Society 1897.

And Count Dracula (aka Prince Vlad Tepes aka Vlad III aka Vlad the Impaler), who was brought back from the dead a few years ago (interestingly enough by Dracul Van Helsing who pulled a wooden stake out of the famous vampire’s heart) would be visiting the ruins of Whitby Abbey where he had originally landed in England over a century ago prior to being slain by Dracul’s ancestor Dr. Abraham Van Helsing.

He would be paying the visit to Whitby Abbey today.

World Dracula Day.

In celebration of the occasion, British MP Renfield R. Renfield had impaled several members of Los Angeles Dodgers management on wooden stakes outside the ruins of the abbey.

Members of the society and Dracula picnicked under the stakes.

The Black Knight arrived with the Black Dragon.

Dracul was Romanian for Dragon.

Just as Dracula was Romanian for son of the dragon.

So it was appropriate that a real dragon was there.

Dracula drank a toast in red wine 🍷 (he did drink wine despite actor Bela Lugosi’s protests to the contrary in the 1931 Universal Pictures film).

As he sipped wine 🍷, drops of Bud Lite fell out of the cans in the impaled Los Angeles Dodgers management’s pockets.

“Thank you, Mr. Renfield,” a real nun (wearing her habit) said as she walked by.

Renfield, who was wearing a top hat 🎩, doffed his hat in her direction.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 26th

Permalink Leave a Comment

Listening To Renfield’s Podcast In A Tea Room and Watching Jefferey The Otter Sober Up

May 12, 2023 at 9:57 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

La belle Helene in a tea room

Helene was in a tea room.

She was listening to a podcast of British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

Said Renfield, “Canada’s bedwetting Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau says Meta’s opposition to Bill C-18 (Trudeau’s Internet Censorship Bill) is undemocratic.”

Renfield went on, “On the subject of being undemocratic, if Justin Trudeau would kindly remove the Amazon rainforest from his own eye, then he’d be able to see clearly before he starts removing the sliver from Meta’s eye.”

Helene laughed.

Renfield went on, “Certain people are just scumbags by their very nature and Justin Trudeau is one of them.”

Helene sipped her tea and smiled.

Renfield continued, “And now we have an airheaded guest from America here in our podcast studio. One who just posted an article at an online journaling site called Medium… what was the name of your article again?”.

The woman answered, “I took my pre-school child to a drag queen show and I’m proud of it.”

Renfield pulled out a gun and shot her.

“Well, you won’t be doing that again,” Renfield commented.

As a forensic unit removed the airhead’s body from the studio, Renfield went on to other news stories.

Explained Renfield, “The Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby says the UK’s New Migrant Bill is morally wrong but sodomy isn’t.
This shows where the Archbishop of Canterbury has his priorities.
In his rear end. 🍑🍆 “

Helene spewed the tea she had just sipped out of her mouth as she laughed.

The spewed tea hit Jefferey the Otter in the face as he was carried into the tea shop by the former DARPA operative code named Hyperion Sturm and by the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg.

“I do apologize,” Helene said as she sat there with a filtered cigarette holder in her hand.

“My dear, you look positively masturbatory,” Jefferey the talking otter commented as he looked at her.

“Quick, George,” Hyperion exclaimed, “Grab Jefferey’s paws and flippers. We don’t want Jefferey arrested for performing an indecent act in public.”

George did so.

“Roll out the barrel,” Jefferey started singing.

“Coffee,” Hyperion said to the waitress, “Pots and pots of coffee.”

“What’s the matter with your otter?” Helene asked.

“He has a drinking problem and he needs to sober up before he reads the Communist Chinese plans for the invasion of Taiwan,” Hyperion answered.

“Jefferey was taught how to read and write by DARPA,” George added, “He can read and write in a dozen different languages. Only problem is he has dyslexia. As well as a drinking problem.”

“Why of all the otters 🦦 in all the world,” Helene asked, “Did DARPA choose one with dyslexia to be their intelligence analysis reader and translator?”.

“DARPA is a government agency,” Hyperion explained, “And they do stuff like that.”

Jefferey the otter now used Computer Software For Dyslexics developed by South African inventor Timothy Wood (himself a lifelong dyslexic) to help him.

The name of the software is Polly Speaks 4 U and is available at :

A parrot 🦜 flew in through the door and landed on Jefferey’s stomach.

Jefferey barked and then Polly looked at Helene.

“Squawk! Polly wants a blow job!” Polly squawked, “”Squawk! Polly wants a blow job!”.

“George, get that damned parrot 🦜 out of here!”, Hyperion shouted.

“Are you sure DARPA couldn’t use him for his obviously awesome mind reading skills?” George asked, “I have the feeling he’s able to read the mind of every male in this place.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 12th

Permalink 2 Comments

Savannah Sarice

May 9, 2023 at 8:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Savannah Sarice the Pirate Queen of the Caribbean interrogates drug smuggling prisoners

They called her Savannah Sarice.

She was the pirate queen of the Caribbean.

An independent entrepreneur who had no use for the New World Order.

And no use for drug or sex traffickers.

This evening she had caught a bunch of drug traffickers.

If they had been sex traffickers, she’d have castrated them by now.

But first she was interrogating the drug traffickers.

Having discovered what she wanted to know, she then threw them overboard to be eaten by the Caribbean kraken Uhluthc.

She then listened to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s podcast.

Renfield began, “And here’s the latest vision as seen by Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster 🦞…”

Justin Trudeau appeared wearing a pink dress and drinking a can of Bud Lite beer and announced, “Canada is not intimidated by China.”

This was after China expelled a Canadian diplomat in retaliation for Canada expelling a Chinese diplomat.

And this was all done in the wake of Justin being soft on Chinese Communism since so much of the Pierre Elliot Trudeau Foundation (named after his stepdad) had received money from individuals and groups associated with the CCP (Chinese Communist Party).

Now Justin was trying to look more tough and macho as he did a gunslinger pose with his can of Bud Lite and the wind blew up his pink dress.

Renfield then moved to the topic of what should be done with the leaders of the WHO World Health Organization.

Said Renfield, “Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus should be publicly hanged by the neck until dead…”

Savannah Sarice poured herself a glass of rum and lay on a hammock on deck.

Renfield was now discussing the subject of witchcraft.

“Mistakes were made in the Middle Ages because there was no uniform policy for determining a witch,” Renfield explained, “Rules for determining a witch differed from region to region and from dialect to dialect. However when it comes to the matter of witchcraft, we should return to that old axiom “By their fruits ye shall know them.” Something that can also be applied if you’re wondering if the city you’re in is San Francisco. By their fruits ye shall know them is another way of saying you can determine them by their works. Bearing that in mind, then we can all, in good and clear conscience, burn Hillary Clinton, Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, Nancy Pelosi and the entire cast of The View at the stake as witches.”

Savannah Sarice saw a ship bearing Vatican insignia and gave the order to attack.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 9th

Permalink 14 Comments

Anne Boleyn’s Ghost Seen On Cornish Coast Today

May 8, 2023 at 9:52 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The ghost of Anne Boleyn (with her head re-attached) was seen on the coast of Cornwall in front of an alleged castle of King Arthur today

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had not been invited to the Coronation this past Saturday by His Majesty King Charles III as His Majesty personally disliked the man (even though Charles had sent him to a secret conference in Vienna last month to see if the MP could help negotiate a peace treaty between Russia and Ukraine).

As consolation, Paddington Bear (who was one of Charles’ aides-de-camp) had sent Renfield a jar 🏺 of his (Paddington’s) favourite marmalade since the bear did like Renfield.

As it was, it was just as well that Renfield didn’t attend the Coronation or any of the Coronation related events (such as the Windsor Castle concert) because Renfield was asked to engage in a paranormal investigation that day.

Apparently the ghost of Anne Boleyn (who was usually seen walking around the Tower of London carrying her head in her hands) was seen walking around the Tower of London with her head re-attached to the rest of her body.

The Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby (who was called Makeus Sickby by Canada’s leading archivist Jack Morrow and who was no longer recognized as head of the global Anglican Communion by the Bible believing Anglican Churches of Africa) was informed of the apparition.

However in addition to crowning Charles at the Coronation in Westminster Abbey (where he had trouble putting the Crown 👑 on Charles’ head), the Archbishop was also partaking in a same sex wedding blessing that day between two motor vehicles 🚗 🚗 who had rear ended one another on the M25 motorway.

Welby passed the investigation on to Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Church of England’s leading Exorcist.

Father Bury Saint Edmunds was also the Vicar of St. Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic C. of E. Parish Church in West London (the Church that Amadeus Emanon attended).

As such Father Bury Saint Edmunds was friends with Renfield R. Renfield and invited him to partake in the investigation along with Amadeus.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles had just flown in from Los Angeles that day so they were invited to visit the Tower of London as well.

However despite spending all day and night at the Tower of London, the Fabulous 5 could spot no sign of the ghost of Anne Boleyn (with or without her head).

Today however, Monday May 8th 2023, the ghost of Anne Boleyn was spotted standing in front of Tintagel Castle on the Cornish coast.

Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds was unavailable to go down to Cornwall today as he had been called in to Exorcise two motor vehicles that had been recently blessed by Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby.

The vehicles were possessed by the demon Baphomet and the Emperor Hadrian’s deified homosexual lover Antinous respectively.

Amadeus Emanon was performing a concert at an inner city school in London.

And British MP Renfield R. Renfield was busy with his podcasts.

So Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles had rented a 1965 Volkswagen Beatle from Avis Rent A Car in London and had driven down to Cornwall to see for themselves.

They listened to Renfield’s podcast as they drove.

Renfield was commenting on how Justin Trudeau was removing the Cross from atop the Crown in the new Canadian Royal Heraldic Coat of Arms for Canada in the wake of Charles’ coronation.

Renfield was currently doing an analysis of Justin Trudeau’s character.

Said Renfield, “Justin Trudeau is an impotent bedwetter with a small penis with all the recurring mental turmoil that emerges as a result of all that…”

Renfield then went on to address American political issues,

“Chelsea Clinton the facially aesthetically challenged daughter of Bill and Hillary says that unvaccinated children in America must be vaccinated with the mRNA vaccine with or without their parents’ consent…”

Van Helsing and Welles’ ghost arrived at Tintagel Castle.

They exited the car and walked up and down the coastline.

On their way back to Tintagel Castle, they came upon this sight:

Welles’ ghost said to Van Helsing, “Dracul, why don’t you go into the village of Tintagel and see if you can find a Church with Holy Water and bring the Holy Water back here in case we might need it.”

Van Helsing did just that.

When he returned, he found the ghost of Orson Welles making out with the ghost of Anne Boleyn.

“Egad!” Van Helsing cried out.

“Now you know how I feel when I stumble upon you making out with some woman,” Welles commented as he climaxed.

“My God, you’re no Justin Trudeau,” Anne Boleyn observed as she orgasmed.

“No, in the case of Justin Trudeau, it’s the Void,” Welles lit a cigar as he lay on the beach in post-coital bliss.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday May 8th

Permalink 6 Comments

Nicole Bergeron

May 3, 2023 at 9:48 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Nicole Bergeron was Set Enterprises’ latest intelligence operative.

Miss Bergeron had once worked for France’s intelligence service the DGSE.

However she was let go when her superiors found that she had drawn a drawing of the face of French President Emmanuel Macron as the east end of a horse facing west.

Right away she had got a job as an intelligence operative for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit.

She had been interviewed by the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set himself, British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who before he had been elected to Parliament had worked as the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering For Set Enterprises) and Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster 🦞.

Michelangelo did not have the power of speech but if his lobster tank exploded in the presence of a female recruit, this was considered compelling evidence that the female recruit was worthy of getting males to succumb to her charms.

Nicole Bergeron caused Michelangelo’s lobster tank to explode.

Today Miss Bergeron had planted a bug (of the recording device variety) at the U.S. Embassy in London due to reports of the American Deep State planning an assassination attempt against Renfield here in the UK 🇬🇧 as revenge for Renfield’s killing of American Deep State operatives in Vienna Austria 🇦🇹.

When Nicole entered the American Embassy in London, the embassy employees (who were all Joe Biden appointed drag queens) had asked Miss Bergeron where she had bought her dress, pantyhose and spiked stiletto high heeled shoes 👠.

Nicole Bergeron was asked by Joe Biden appointed drag queens where she had bought her outfit.

Just then the British cousin of the 2023 Met Gala gatecrasher cockroach 🪳 entered the embassy.

Which sent the Joe Biden appointed drag queens scrambling to the tops of their desks and screaming their heads off.

This allowed Nicole Bergeron plenty of time to plant the bug (of the recording device variety).

She then squashed the British cousin of the 2023 Met Gala gatecrasher cockroach 🪳 with her spiked stiletto high heel 👠 and exited the embassy.

She later went to a pub where she met Amadeus Emanon (who was the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s personal concert pianist) and Amadeus’ girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress songstress Angelique Dumont.

They discussed whether it was the Ukrainians or the Russians themselves who had launched a drone attack against the Kremlin last night in what the Russian state media claimed was an assassination attempt on Russian President Vladimir Putin.

It could not have been a U.S. drone attack Nicole Bergeron pointed out or otherwise the tarred remains of a Victoria’s Secret lingerie catalogue would have been found among the debris of the drone wreckage.

Taliban fighters in Afghanistan 🇦🇫 were still leafing through the Victoria’s Secret lingerie catalogues that had been found en masse among the $80 billion worth of U.S. military equipment left behind in Afghanistan under Joe Biden.

On the pub intercom, the voice of British MP Renfield R. Renfield in his Wednesday night podcast could be heard,

“Pope Francis met with Russian Orthodox Metropolitan Anthony in Rome today.
Anthony gave Francis a panagia icon of Our Lady the Blessed Virgin Mary.
Francis gave Anthony a medal with a picture of himself (Francis).”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 3rd

Permalink 6 Comments

Jane Austen Meets Dracul Van Helsing

May 1, 2023 at 9:48 pm (Arts, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Literature, love, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Writer Jane Austen on a warm spring day

It was a warm spring day and Jane Austen was doing some sketching before applying watercolours.

Within a few seconds Jane noticed a man appearing out of nowhere on the stone walkabout around the lake.

The man was Dracul Van Helsing time traveller from the future.

Van Helsing had recently been watching Sanditon (a British television series based on Jane Austen’s unfinished novel) on PBS via satellite.

He was also a big fan of Austen’s novels Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion and Emma.

After having watched Tom Jones the new British drama on PBS’ Masterpiece Theatre (based on Henry Fielding’s classic 1749 novel) last night, Van Helsing reflected on the state of the world in the dystopian 2020s.

He had a further discussion with the ghost of Orson Welles on the subject this morning and decided to take the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Prototype Film 🎞️ Projector (an instrument of time travel) to England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 in the year 1804 when Jane Austen would have been 28.

Van Helsing pushed a button on the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Prototype Film Projector and vanished into the mists of time.

Welles’ ghost was immediately worried that the charming sex addict Van Helsing might thoroughly charm Jane Austen and Jane Austen succumbing to his charms would end up being deflowered.

For Van Helsing had had his way with many beautiful goddesses and vampiresses although of course you couldn’t accuse Van Helsing of deflowering any of them like Hera, Aphrodite and Isis for instance although he had deflowered the virgin goddesses Athena and Artemis (which ticked their father Zeus off to no end).

The ghost of Orson Welles quickly hurried to Set Enterprises’ Laboratories where Set Enterprises’ Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was working.

Rocher had made a small replica of the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Prototype Film Projector 🎞️.

Welles borrowed the replica from Rocher, pushed a button on it and went back in time to the exact date and place where Dracul Van Helsing was hoping to encounter Jane Austen.

. . .

King Charles III, who was busy preparing for his coronation this coming Saturday, was also reading a report on what had transpired in Vienna yesterday.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield, who was holidaying in Vienna after co-chairing a secret conference of peace talks between Russia 🇷🇺 and Ukraine 🇺🇦, had been involved in a shoot out with American Deep State operatives yesterday.

Renfield of course had been involved in shoot outs with numerous American Deep State operatives while the conference was going on.

The directors of the American Deep State were horrified that someone had actually taken out many of their operatives.

Just like the directors of the American Deep State were horrified that Robert F. Kennedy Jr. had announced that he was running for the U.S. Democratic Party nomination against their puppet Joe Biden.

They heard from a little bird (a canary that was a cocaine addict and owned by Hunter Biden) that Renfield would be leaving Vienna for London yesterday.

So the American Deep State resolved to ambush Renfield on the streets of Vienna as he took a taxi from his hotel to the airport.

666 American Deep State operatives were dispatched for the operation.

And the end result was that 666 American Deep State operatives now lay dead on the streets of Vienna.

“Vienna is like a shooting gallery,” Dr. Henry Kissinger remarked as he watched the operation on YouTube livestream.

As for the 666 dead American Deep State operatives, as a result of Joe Biden’s gender inclusion and diversity policies, they were all men wearing dresses, make up and high heels.

. . .

“Our nation’s public libraries are now deprived of an enormous amount of storybook readers for children,” Joe Biden had tears in his eyes as he looked at the photos of the dead American Deep State operatives on the streets of Vienna.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was back home in London and was currently being interviewed on Livestream by truly traditional Catholic media podcaster Taylor Marshall from the U.S.

Renfield was wearing a t-shirt that said I’D RATHER BE A KEYBOARD WARRIOR THAN A KEYBOARD PANSY.

The quote was in answer to an idiotic statement made by satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) a few weeks ago.

Of course Bergoglio has a habit of making nothing but idiotic statements (which is why he is acclaimed as a genius by globalist elitists and the brainless mainstream media) so researchers had some difficulty tracking down the original idiotic quote.

On his plane ride back from Hungary 🇭🇺 to Rome yesterday, Bergoglio was trying to take credit for the recent Vienna secret conference of Russian-Ukrainian peace talks.

Even though Samhain Cardinal Salaman (who happened to be the sole heterosexual administrator in Pope Francis’ Vatican) had started the talks without Francis’ consent.

. . .

The ghost of Orson Welles found Dracul Van Helsing with his head on the lap of Jane Austen.

No longer did Jane Austen have a sketch pad on her lap.

As in the above picture.

Instead it was Dracul Van Helsing who was having his forehead stroked by Miss Austen.

Welles’ ghost had a large rolling pin in hand ready to hit Van Helsing over the head should he make an attempt to deflower Miss Austen.

But he did not.

Instead they had a long and witty conversation.

With deep penetrating insight into art, literature and philosophy.

Finally Jane Austen said, “I must return home. My father, sister and brothers are expecting me for dinner.”

Van Helsing helped her gather up her sketch pad, watercolours and paint brushes.

Jane Austen walked off into the forest.

Welles’ ghost went forward in time before Van Helsing had a chance to see him.

When Welles’ ghost returned, Amadeus Emanon asked him, “So who is Dracul Van Helsing like in relation to Jane Austen? Alexander Colbourne? Or Sir Edward Denham?”.

Welles’ ghost lit a cigar, poured himself a glass of wine 🍷 and took a long pause before answering the question.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 1st

Permalink 2 Comments

Zelda In Vienna

April 26, 2023 at 10:26 pm (Arts, Culture, Ghost Story, History, Literature, love, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

A woman sitting on a piano in Vienna

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was on a sightseeing holiday in Vienna after being involved in a secret conference to try to negotiate peace between Russia and Ukraine.

He was sitting in the elegant lobby of his hotel smoking a cigar and drinking a glass of bourbon.

“I congratulate you on your excellent choice of drink, sir,” said the white bearded man sitting across from him.

Renfield looked up and recognized the gentleman sitting across from him from seeing his image in old LIFE Magazine photos.

“Aren’t you Ernest Hemingway?” Renfield asked.

“I am the ghost of Ernest Hemingway,” the spectre announced, “condemned for a certain term to walk the night and watch other people smoke cigars and drink bourbon in hotel lobbies across the world, and for the day confined to fast in fires until the foul crimes done in my days of nature are burnt and purged away.”

“And what do you find worst?” Renfield blew smoke rings with his cigar and sipped his glass of bourbon.

“That’s not a fair question,” Hemingway looked enviously at the cigar in Renfield’s right hand and his glass of bourbon in his left.

“On this occasion fair is indeed foul,” Renfield commented as a waiter put a plate of barbecued chicken on the table next to him.

Renfield and Hemingway discussed literature as the MP ate his barbecue chicken.

When Renfield had finished and the waiter took the plate away, the bell 🔔 on the old clock in the lobby tolled.

“Ask not for whom the bell tolls,” Hemingway noted, “It tolls for thee.”

“Yes, but can you say that in Latin?” Quipped the ghost of John Donne as he walked by.

Hemingway looked downcast.

“No need to worry, Hemingway old boy,” Renfield smiled, “The current occupant of the throne of Peter can’t say it in Latin either.”

Hemingway smiled, “Did you see my friends F. Scott Fitzgerald and Zelda?”.

“Are their ghosts here?” Renfield finished his cigar and bourbon.

“I think it’s their mortal selves,” Hemingway answered, “The ghost of a ghost white salamander told me that the mortal selves of Scott and Zelda travelled here in some sort of time travel experiment after they met Nikola Tesla on some occasion back in the 1920s.”

“Where are F. Scott and Zelda?” Renfield asked.

“In the hotel’s piano room over there,” Hemingway pointed.

Renfield walked over to the piano room.

He stepped over Billy Joel who was lying on the floor singing, “Sing me a song, I’m the piano man…”

And there sitting on a piano covered with drinks (that were drank by Billy Joel as a mortal F. Scott Fitzgerald looked on enviously) was Zelda Fitzgerald.

“Great Gatsby!” Renfield shouted, “It’s Zelda Fitzgerald.”

Former Irish ☘️ Rover Will Millar walked by singing, “I’ll give you a daisy a day, dear…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 26th

Permalink 14 Comments

Next page »