Isabel Esmeronde: Cuban Singer Extraordinaire

March 27, 2019 at 10:17 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )


Isabel Esmeronde: Cuban singer extraordinaire

The year was 1956.

And U.S. Vice-President Richard M. Nixon sat in the LA private eye office of Carson Cody Albion.

Carson Cody Albion was an immortal Private Eye.

Quite literally immortal.

He had been turned immortal by the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis back on May 8th 1945 when her breasts started lactating over the news that Nazi Germany had unconditionally surrendered over in Europe.

Albion, who was going through severe bourbon withdrawal at the time, immediately started drinking the milk and became immortal.


Atargatis: Prior to hearing the news of Germany’s surrender on May 8th 1945.

“I’ve been told you’re the height of discretion, Mr. Albion,” Nixon said.

“That I am,” Albion turned off his tape recorder, “Normally I like to record my clients’ conversations but in your case, I’ll make an exception.”

“Those tape recorders are kind of handy things, aren’t they?” Nixon looked at the machine, “I might have to start using them someday.”

“What can I do for you, Mr. Vice-President?” Albion asked.

“Well, as you know I saved my political ass four years ago by the fact I owned a dog named Checkers and my wife Pat owned a good Republican cloth coat and not a mink coat,” Nixon said.

“I recall that,” Albion nodded.

“Anyways that damned fool Nelson Rockefeller went and bought my wife Pat a mink coat last Christmas,” Nixon frowned.

“Why did he do that?” Albion looked perplexed.

“I’ve been told that it was vengeance for my leaving his hotel room door open for his wife Mary at the 1952 Republican convention,” Nixon now looked perplexed, “She apparently walked into the bedroom while some British woman named Sherrielock Holmes was showing Nelson how to make tomatoed buns. I thought Mary would be happy about someone showing her husband how to cook but apparently she wasn’t.”

“So Rocky bought Pat a mink coat as vengeance?” Albion ate some jelly beans.

“That’s right,” Nixon said, “And now it’s been stolen. By the Mafia. And they’re offering it for sale to the highest bidder down at a casino in Havana. That bastard Joe Kennedy Sr., the father of Sen. Jack Kennedy, is going to try to buy it in a move designed to embarrass me. He’ll present it to the press as evidence that “Pat doesn’t have cloth to mink around anymore.” The swine.”

“So what would you like me to do?” Albion asked.

“It will be offered both at the cards table and then the roulette table prior to auction,” Nixon scratched his nose, “I want you to try to win it for me ahead of time.”

. . .

Fidel Castro sat in the lobby of the Spanish Crown casino.

He pointed out the decor and the clientele to his friend Ernesto Che Guevara.

Said Castro bitterly, “This is what Batista wants to turn all of Cuba into. A playground for America’s wealthy.”

. . .

“Who is the best poker player in all of Cuba?” Albion asked the British Ambassador to Havana.

“And what do you want with the best poker player in all of Cuba?” Sir Justin Burstpipes asked.

“I need him to win a mink coat for me,” Albion replied.

“You always come up with the most interesting answers to my questions, Albion,” Sir Justin sipped his gin, “We could use you at the Foreign Office in London. Your answers could shake the dust off the cobwebs there. But in answer to your question, the best poker player in Cuba is a her not a him.”

“And who is she?” Albion asked.

“Right over there,” Sir Justin Burstpipes pointed in her direction, “Isabel Esmeronde, Cuban singer extraordinaire.”

. . .

Isabel Esmeronde won Pat Nixon’s mink coat at the poker table.

Carson Cody Albion lived up to the British Ambassador’s last name as soon as he saw her as did the British Ambassador himself.

After Isabel left the cards table, Albion said to her, “Can I buy you a drink?”.

Isabel smiled and shook her head no, “I have an appointment with a time traveling Canadian vampire hunter later tonight.”

And with that statement, she bowed and left.

“Well with her answers and her assets, she’d definitely shake up the Foreign Office in London for the better,” Sir Justin Burstpipes remarked as he gazed at her entrance into the casino lounge.

Later in the lounge that night, Isabel Esmeronde sang, “Some enchanted evening, you may see a stranger…”

Dracul Van Helsing time traveler from the future watched her sing.

He loved enchanted evenings.


Isabel Esmeronde: Some enchanted evening

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 27th
2019.

Permalink 8 Comments

Michelangelo Names The Winners of The 2018 U.S. Midterms

November 5, 2018 at 11:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, love, News, Politics, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“It was 50 years ago today that Richard M. Nixon was elected President of the United States,” Amadeus Emanon read aloud from the This Day In History column.

“One thing I always liked about Nixon,” Renfield remarked as he fed his goldfish called Checkers that a voter had given him, “is his insightful analysis in his statement, “That whole Bohemian Grove thing is the faggiest god damned thing you can imagine. I never shake hands with anybody who comes from San Francisco anymore.” And as a result of Nixon’s advice, I’ve never ever shaken hands with anybody who comes from San Francisco.”

“Well, that would certainly prevent you from picking up any Nancy Pelosi girl fleas,” Amadeus noted.

“Or dog fleas either,” Renfield rubbed the fur of the Set household’s pet cat Nefertiti Galore.

“Wasn’t the Bohemian Grove the place where Henry Kissinger went running around nude in the woods?” Amadeus asked.

“Yes and a bunch of California redwood trees have been treated for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder ever since,” Renfield remarked as he received a nude photo text message from Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh that had just the opposite effect that Kissinger had on the trees.

As both the goldfish Checkers and the cat Nefertiti Galore went into their respective states of shock upon seeing Renfield’s bulging erection, Amadeus remarked, “I see the psychic lobster Michelangelo has named the winners of tomorrow’s U.S. midterm elections.”

Amadeus had just received a text message from Dr. Cadbury Rocher down at the Set Enterprises lab.

“And who will the winners be?” asked Renfield who being genetically created in a lab had no mother to warn him about what physical activities might cause blindness.

Amadeus putting on a pair of welder’s dark glasses replied, “It was rather strange. Michelangelo in rather vague Delphi oracle like terms said “Both Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders will come out the winners.”

“Maybe what that means,” Renfield ejaculated both wisdom and a more physical substance, “is that the Republicans will maintain control of the House or the Senate or both while of those Democrats who are elected, a great many of them will support Bernie Sanders for the Democratic Presidential Nomination in 2020.”

“You might have something there,” Amadeus admitted.

“What I need right now,” Renfield stumbled around, “is the phone number for the nearest optometrist. I feel the need to book an appointment.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 5th
2018.


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith in a poster warning about the hazards of snow blindness.

Permalink 19 Comments

Renfield Loses Party Leadership

May 17, 2015 at 7:30 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Loses Party Leadership

So despite a brilliant webcast speech on the Net this past Tuesday where Renfield dressed in a Darth Vader costume and wearing a pair of Mr. Spock Vulcan-like ears on his Darth Vader helmet delivered a speech that political commentators were now calling the Chinese Checkers speech (to contrast it with Richard M. Nixon’s famous Checkers speech of September 23rd 1952), the speech was not enough to save Renfield’s leadership of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party in the electronic phone- in vote whose results were announced today.

Renfield’s Tuesday speech dressed as Darth Vader sporting a pair of Mr. Spock ears that managed to escape the wrath of an Edward Scissorhands wannabe (who imagined himself to be the reincarnation of a Vincent Van Gogh with a nasty projection complex) was not enough to compete with the Wednesday rebuttal given by Renfield’s leadership opponent the Welsh Vampiress Morgana.

The Welsh Vampiress’ Wednesday webcast rebuttal delivered to the Party’s overwhelmingly male science- fiction loving nerd membership consisted of Morgana wearing a low-cut white top, short tight purple suede leather mini-skirt, black silk pantyhose and red super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes and doing somersaults and acrobatics on the rug of her living room floor while saying nothing.

The Vampiress’ body language speech so impressed the party’s membership that after carefully wiping their computer and smart phone screens with Kleenex tissues and towels, they automatically keyed in their vote for Morgana electronically.

The final vote was Morgana’s 666 to Renfield’s 0.

Renfield accidentally voted for Morgana instead of himself when a part of his body (not his hands or feet) brushed against his smart phone screen casting the vote for Morgana.

Renfield had thought about re- enacting a personal body dismemberment said to have been performed by the third century theologian Origen of Alexandria but decided against it.

He would live to fight another day.

In the meantime, Renfield had been invited to a midnight cocktail party for defeated politicians at the residence of Vincent Cardinal Nichols the Roman Catholic Archbishop of Westminster.

Renfield couldn’t remember from the invitation whether it was a masquerade costume party or not.

So to be on the safe side he decided to wear a costume anyways and go dressed as the pirate Baldassarre Cossa.

In his pirate vest pocket just above his sword, he found some very old Greek drachma coins.

Renfield thought he might he have a small fortune if Greece soon chose to leave the Euro zone.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 16th
2015.

Permalink 30 Comments