Render Unto Pachamama The Things That Are Pachamama’s

October 19, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was reading the news on behalf of a BBC news announcer who had come down with a severe bullet wound after being shot by the husband of the woman he had slept with last night.

The announcer later died in hospital where doctors following WHO (World Health Organization) guidelines listed his death as being caused by Covid-19.

Renfield finished the newscast with, “And in other news, the Communist Pope Francis has decided not to name the anti-Communist Pope John Paul II a Doctor of the Church or a Patron Saint of Europe. Wow, big shocker there.”

Needless to say, Renfield had added quite a number of ad libs of his own while reading the newscast script.

When the newscast was over, he got on Skype with his friend Amadeus Emanon who was currently residing in Australia.

Said Amadeus, “I hear the Vatican City State Mint has issued a 10-Euro silver coin depicting the Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama giving birth to planet Earth.”

The coin showed an Inca woman with long plaited hair entwined with long ears of corn (representing the earth’s fertility) about to give birth to a globe of the world.

The coin designed by Bergamo sculptor and engraver Luigi Oldani was designed to mark the 50th Anniversary of the UN’s World Youth Day (which was first held on April 22nd 1970 on what would have been Lenin’s 100th birthday).

“That’s right,” Renfield nodded, “The French Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin noted in a 1922 letter he wrote to Lenin and Trotsky that the Inca Empire which lasted from 1438 to 1533 practiced a form of scientific socialism and that furthermore the Incas worshipped an earth mother goddess called Pachamama. It was Teilhard’s contention that through the use of Pachamama, he Teilhard could bring about a Hegelian synthesis of Catholicism and Soviet Communism.”

“And what was Lenin and Trotsky’s reaction to that?” Amadeus, who was normally always hungry, had pushed aside the plate of Uncle Ernie’s Meatloaf a la Hotel California that Uncle Ernie had made him.

“They told him good luck with that,” Renfield answered, “Lenin himself croaked in January 1924 and Trotsky himself was forced into exile from the USSR in February 1929 after coming out on the losing end of a power struggle with Joseph Stalin.”

“So nothing really became of Teilhard’s Pachamama synthesis of Catholicism and Soviet Communism?” Amadeus declined Uncle Ernie’s aptly named Jonestown Guyana Kool-Aid Cocktail.

“Not until Jorge Mario Bergoglio was elevated to the Papacy on March 13th 2013 and took the name Pope Francis,” Renfield replied.

“So anything else about this coin I should know?” Amadeus waved aside a cup of Uncle Ernie’s Outback Road Kill Brew Coffee.

“Well it basically shows the Ukhu Pacha- the mondo interno in Spanish giving birth to the Madre Terra in Spanish,” Renfield sipped a glass of wine.

“What’s that in English?” Amadeus inquired.

“Well the mondo interno is the inner world or world under the earth which gives birth to the world above the earth – Mother Earth- Madre Terra- which is the world of plants, animals, soil and humans,” Renfield explained.

“What does this inner world consist of?” Amadeus was curious.

“Well Ukhu Pacha is the inner world and is associated with the realm of the dead and as the realm of the dead, Ukhu Pacha is inhabited by the supay a group of demons which torment the living. Supay with a capital S is also the name of the Inca god of death – Supay – who is the ruler of the Inca underworld the Ukhu Pacha as well as the race of demons (supay with a small s) that inhabit it. The name Supay is roughly translated diablo (Spanish for devil) in most South American countries.
Pachamama herself lives in the Ukhu Pacha (inner world or world under the earth) as a fiery red dragon. When she goes above the earth in times of harvest, she becomes a beautiful woman. In effect, the red dragon gives birth to a woman who is Mother Earth.”

“Why does this sound exactly like the Book of Revelation or the Book of the Apocalypse to me?” Amadeus watched Uncle Ernie dressed as Mystery Babylon dancing around the kitchen in a slit skirted red dress and holding an overflowing gold cup of red wine.

“Because it is,” Renfield acknowledged, “Why Pope Francis doesn’t have a tattoo tattooed to his forehead that says “I am the False Prophet of Revelation Chapter 13″ is beyond me. The symbolism on the new 10 Euro coin there is for anyone who’s a student of Inca mythology to see. Perhaps he’s waiting for the Great Global Reset next year (which will happen if the Biden-Harris ticket wins in November) before he unveils that tattoo on his forehead.”

Pachamama: The Lady In Red listens to the whispers of El Diablo

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 19th
2020.

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Renfield Discusses The Gates of Hell, Covid, Communism and McCarrick

July 20, 2020 at 10:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Interviewer: Well in this stangely bizarre year that is 2020, Russian state television is now running programs claiming that Bill Gates is responsible for ushering in the Covid-19 virus. Care to comment, Mr. Renfield?

Renfield: Well Putin either knows something that the rest of the world doesn’t or he’s launching one Hell of a disinformation campaign

Interviewer: Well either scenario doesn’t really bode well for the world does it?

Renfield: Indeed not. We do have photos of Bill Gates visiting the Wuhan Institute of Virology on at least one occasion. He have may have visited the Wuhan Institute of Virology more than once. Just like he may have visited Jeffrey Epstein’s Pedo Island more than once.
If Gates did launch this pandemic in the hopes that he can vaccinate everyone with his DNA altering Mark of The Beast vaccine, this won’t be for the better as far as humanity is concerned.
And on the other hand if Russia is launching a full scale disinformation campaign by doing this, the multi trillion ruble question is why? What do they hope to gain by it? Is this disinformation to cover up the pandemic on behalf of one of their allies (let’s call it… Xi Jinping’s People’s Republic of China)?

Interviewer: The world is entering a very dangerous phase at the moment, isn’t it?

Renfield: World War III may be just around the corner.

Interviewer: Will this stop the Neo-Bolshevik revolution and 2nd Civil War that may happen in the United States?

Renfield: Only if World War III happens first.

Interviewer: What do you think of all the stories involving U.S. federal troops and alleged kidnappings of people in Portland, Oregon?

Renfield: Yes, leftists such as Neo-Communist scumbag Beto O’ Rourke and airheaded New York Congresswoman Alexandria Occasional-Cortex seem to be falling for various X-Files style conspiracy theories that they always accuse those on the right of falling for.
These mysterious camouflaged men and unmarked van kidnappings has led to Nancy Pelosi making an incoherent statement (although of course does she really make anything else?) saying that “Evil stormtroopers are grabbing Portland protestors off the street.”
No doubt Sen. Chuck Schumer got his right ear cut off in a laser light saber battle with a Yoda impersonator who was a Vincent Van Gogh wannabe and suffered from an intense “projection complex” in the Carl Jungian sense of that expression.
And Chicago’s Neo-Bolshevik Mayor Lori Lightfoot suddenly changed both her sexual orientation and her species orientation when she was caught banging Chewbacca in the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon.

Interviewer: Moving on to the McCarrick Report- the report prepared for the Vatican on the activities of the recently laicized Cardinal Theodore McCarrick (predatory homosexual Communist abuser of altar boys and young seminarians), I understand the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit recently came into possession of some of its contents?

Renfield (nodding) : That is correct.

Interviewer: Will the Vatican ever release that report in full?

Renfield: Not while Pope Francis is still alive.

Interviewer: What are some of the contents Set Enterprises discovered?

Renfield: That in 1950, the Soviet Union recruited Theodore McCarrick while he was living in the town of St. Gallen, Switzerland and turning him into a Soviet agent, got him to enter seminary and infiltrate the Catholic priesthood.
He turned out to be the Soviets’ ultimate infiltrator into the Catholic Church rising through the ranks to become both an Archbishop and a Cardinal.
The Kremlin set up several offshore accounts for him and loaded it with hundreds of millions of dollars with which McCarrick led a lavish lifestle and recruited hundreds of men of like-minded sexual orientation and like-minded political orientation (neo-Marxist) to ascend to the very top of the American Catholic hierarchy and even the Vatican hierarchy.
McCarrick also negotiated the Vatican-China Agreement by which the Vatican sold out members of the underground Catholic Church in China to control by Xi’s Beijing regime.
Pope Francis (the man that McCarrick’s St. Gallen Mafia propelled into the papal chair in March 2013) now gets billions of dollars from the Chinese Communist government – a good thing for the Vatican since basically the laity have now stopped tithing because of all the perverted goings on by various Catholic clergy and bishops.
A few years ago, Theodore McCarrick boasted to James Grein (the man who as a young altar boy had been sexually groomed and sexually abused by McCarrick) that there was no stopping him (McCarrick) because his friends in Beijing “would be making the ultimate geopolitical move in 2020 and he (McCarrick) and other friends of Beijing would be sitting at the top of the world”.

Interviewer: And what do you think that ultimate geopolitical move to be made in 2020 is?

Renfield: Well, the Covid-19 virus most likely originated in China- as a bioweapon- whether it was accidentally or intentionally released is a mute point now.
But the virus was probably just the opening shot in that ultimate geopolitical move.
And the Vatican, the UN, the WHO and many in the U.S. political and corporate establishments are all tied in with it.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 20th
2020.

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Archbishop Vigano Says The Vatican Never Released The Text of The Third Secret of Fatima

April 29, 2020 at 10:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Archbishop Vigano Says The Vatican Never Released The Text of The Third Secret of Fatima

The demon Asmodeus and the little green frog Nimrod were once again walking the streets of Rome.

They noticed a cardinal giving money to a bunch of distressed looking drag queens standing at a street corner.

“That cardinal looks familiar,” Nimrod remarked as he licked a black fly flavoured ice cream cone he was holding in his little webbed hands.

“That’s Cardinal Konrad Krajewski the Papal Almoner (papal chaplain in charge of distributing money to the deserving poor),” Asmodeus replied, “Ever since the Covid-19 pandemic struck, Rome’s transgendered prostitutes have suffered a work stoppage as a result of no more clients taking them out.”

“So, why is the Papal Almoner giving them money?” Nimrod inquired.

“Guilt, I imagine,” Asmodeus ate a take out plate of lasagna, “It was Francis’ Vatican officials who were undoubtedly their biggest customers. Kept them in their Paris and Milan designed sequined dresses, Wolford pantyhose and Christian Louboutin spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes. Now they’re having to settle for hand me downs from the Salvation Army Women’s Clothing Department. It must have been quite the come down financially and fashionally speaking.”

A rare American tourist couple – a man and a woman- were out walking the deserted streets of Rome in total disobedience to the Italian government’s lockdown orders.

They were walking up the street and away from the Vatican.

The woman turned around and looked at the Vatican whereupon she turned into a pillar of salt.

“I see Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano (who’s been in hiding since the summer of 2018 to avoid being bumped off by Pope Francis’ gay lavender mafia) is saying that the Third Secret of Fatima (words spoken by the Virgin Mary to three shepherd children at Fatima, Portugal in 1917) has never been officially released by the Vatican despite Vatican claims they released it back on June 26th 2000,” Nimrod ate some Boston clam chowder soup with several flies in it.

“That’s true,” Asmodeus ate a beef donair, “British MP Renfield R. Renfield discovered the actual Third Secret in a retired Austrian Army colonel’s briefcase back on November 9th 2018. The same day that a geopolitical analyst friend of Renfield discovered that the text of the Third Secret had been given by the Virgin Mary to a Japanese nun Sister Agnes Sasagawa on October 13th 1973 finding the full message of Our Lady of Akita by deciding that the full message might actually be located at the back pages of Google Search on the topic Our Lady of Akita rather than towards the front.”

“And what was the essence of the message?” Nimrod swiped some hand sanitizing lotion from the back pockets of a Rome policeman so he could wash and sanitize his little webbed hands.

“It said that a Great War would be started in the 21st Century by Satan’s partisans in the East (possibly a reference to Russia or China or North Korea as Satan’s partisans in the West would of course be the United States of America and the European Union), fire would fall from Heaven and turn the waters of the ocean into steam and millions of people would die by the minute. There was also a prophecy that Satan would end up controlling one third of the Catholic clergy and Satan would succeed in infiltrating to the very top of the Church,” Asmodeus ate a submarine sandwich.

“What is considered the very top of the Church?” Nimrod struggled to get the top off a jar of roasted hazelnut peanut butter.

“The Papacy,” Asmodeus grabbed the jar of roasted hazelnut peanut butter for Nimrod and yanked the top off.

On the dome of Saint Peter’s Basilica as the sun was setting, Pope Francis was making hand shadow puppets in the form of a horned goat’s head.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 29th
2020.

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Asmodeus, Nimrod and The Amazing Syrian Teen Saint Who Fights Epidemics

March 27, 2020 at 11:24 pm (Biographical, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Asmodeus, Nimrod and The Amazing Syrian Teen Saint Who Fights Epidemics

The demon Asmodeus and the little green frog Nimrod were sitting atop one of the buildings that overlooked Saint Peter’s Square and were watching the proceedings down below.

They watched a lone Pope Francis stroll across the square and then sit in a chair under a canopy with a microphone in front of him.

Behind him was a Miraculous Crucifix of Christ that was only brought into the square at Christmas or Easter of a Holy Year (the last time it was in the Square was during the pontificate of Saint John Paul II during the Holy Year of 2000) or during times of plague and epidemic.

Pope Francis, after a priest had read from the Gospel of Mark where the account of Christ calming a storm at sea is told, then addressed the empty square to impart an Urbi et Orbi blessing upon the City (Rome) and the World.

“Why is the Pope speaking with his back turned on Christ?” Nimrod asked as he licked his Venus Fly Trap ice cream cone.

“It probably serves as a metaphor for the past 7 years of his 7 year papacy,” Asmodeus answered as he smoked a cigarette and sipped his bottle of Louisiana bourbon.

“What’s he saying?” Nimrod asked as he tried to get wax out of his ears.

An after effect of trying to read the Latin edition of The Necronomicon by candlelight last night.

“Oh, the gist of it is he’s telling people, It’s all your fault that this pandemic happened. If you had only followed the globalist agenda that I as your feigning humility Neo-Marxist tyrant-in-chief had told you to do, none of this would have happened. And now you have to stay in your homes and not receive the Body and Blood of Christ at the Mass as your punishment,” Asmodeus lit himself another dozen cigarettes and stuck them in his mouth.

“Wow, he actually said that?” Nimrod was horrified to discover that the take-out delivery soup he had ordered did not have a fly in it.

“Not in those blunt words of course,” Asmodeus rubbed some Friar’s Balsam on his lip burns, “He used nice sounding euphemisms like all adherents of the Modernist heresy are prone to do as Pope Saint Pius X noted in his 1907 encyclical Pascendi.”

“What is the heresy of Modernism?” Nimrod asked as he took a selfie of himself with his smart phone.

“It’s the synthesis of all heresies,” Asmodeus answered as he started playing an antique theremin musical instrument.

Meanwhile at the Catholic Cathedral in the German city of Aachen built by the Emperor Charlemagne (who was also buried there upon his death in 814 AD), the Cathedral’s resident archivist and historian suddenly recalled recently that the Cathedral held the relics of the little known patron saint of resisting epidemics in its basement chamber of relics.

The relics were of a 16-year-old girl killed by the Romans in Syria for professing the Christian faith.

The girl suffered a particularly excruciating death.

She was tied to two bent palm trees and then torn apart as the trunks were released.

The Syrian teen saint’s relics were brought to Aachen by King Otto III in 997 AD.

They were kept in a tomb underneath a slab in the cathedral which could be seen up until 1912.

They were then moved to the reliquary in the basement.

The removal of the Syrian teen saint’s shrine from a prominent place in the cathedral to a basement reliquary occurred in the year which saw the Titanic sink.

The First World War broke out a couple of years later.

But nobody would have really connected the moving of the saint’s relics with those events.

That is until it suddenly hit the Aachen Cathedral’s resident archivist/historian.

The archivist/historian knew that the patron saint of resisting epidemics had her relics among the relics in this cathedral.

What was her name again? The archivist/historian tried to recall.

And then her name- the name of the teen Syrian girl who had died so cruelly at the hands of the Romans for professing her Christian faith in 177 AD Syria- the teen saint who became the patron saint of resisting epidemics – her name?

Saint Corona.

And her Feast Day is May 14th- the date that Pope Francis was to announce this year that Catholic schools and centres of learning were to henceforth promote loyalty to the New World Order.

The meeting had to be postponed to October due to the outbreak of the Coronavirus.

Saint Corona: In happier times before she encountered soldiers of the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius’ army.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday March 27th
2020.

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False Prophets, Peace Deals, Pachamama and Sensuous Qonzilqointec

January 28, 2020 at 11:48 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

False Prophets, Peace Deals, Pachamama and Sensuous Qonzilqointec

A group of Jesuit assassins at the Vatican sat around drinking strawberry daiquiris and Pink Lady cocktails as they waited for their pink fingernail polish to dry before going out for a night on the town.

They were tuned in to BBC Radio where British MP Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed.

The interviewer was asking Renfield about Uruguayan priest Father Gonzalo Aemilius whom Pope Francis had just named his new personal secretary.

“Well of course Father Gonzalo doesn’t dress like a priest,” Renfield noted, “and he’s someone who’s got the looks of a tennis instructor who would be hired by bored sexually frustrated middle-aged wealthy women who were looking for tennis and other types of encounters.”

“So what are you saying exactly?” The interviewer asked.

“Expect to see a lot of late night stenography sessions going on in the papal residence at the Vatican,” Renfield answered.

“What do we know about Father Gonzalo Aemilius?” The interviewer inquired.

“Well, he replaces the Argentine priest Father Fabian (sounds like the name of a Harlequin historical romance novel cover shirtless and topless male model) Pedacchio who worked alongside the Pope from 2013 to 2019 and who returned last December to his original post at the Congregation of Bishops. Of course Father Fabian Pedacchio just turned 55 last year and as my Welsh parliamentary colleague Morgana’s personal hairdresser Leo noted, “He’s a man who’s really lost his looks the past couple of years.” Now Father Pedacchio is being replaced by Father Gonzalo Aemilius who’s a “rugged handsome 40-year-old” to again quote my Welsh parliamentary colleague Morgana’s personal hairdresser Leo. ”

“Anything else about Father Gonzalo Aemilius?” The interviewer queried.

“Well, I’ll read you what the official Vatican News agency said about his appointment,” Renfield replied.

Renfield then read the excerpt in a voice that sounded like a cross between Hollywood Squares celebrity panelist Paul Lynde and American writer Truman Capote, “Father Aemilius was born in Montevideo on 18th September 1979 and was ordained a priest on 6th May 2006. His face may be familiar to many because he is the one, who the Pope greeted and summoned to him when he was part of the crowd gathered outside a Vatican gate to welcome Pope Francis at the beginning of his pontificate on the morning of 17th March 2013. He recognized him and invited him to accompany him into the church where he was about to celebrate his first Mass with the faithful after his election. At the end of the liturgy, Pope Francis introduced Father Aemilius to all those present, asking them to pray for him and for his work with street children.”

The phone rang in the office of the Jesuit assassins.

It was the Jesuit assassin whose fingernail polish had fully dried who picked up the phone.

“It’s the boss,” said the Jesuit assassin, “He wants to know who will rid him of this troublesome British MP.”

. . .

At the White House today, U.S. President Donald Trump stood alongside Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and announced the Jared Kushner Peace Deal of the Century.

The map of the new Palestinian state that Trump proposed seemed to resemble a salamander.

The sort of salamander as on a 19th Century U.S. Congressional District map that gave rise to the term gerrymandering.

Interestingly enough at about the same time as Trump made his announcement, Hades the Greek god of the Underworld had granted temporary dispensational releases from his realm to the ghosts of Israel’s King Solomon, Hiram the King of Tyre and also Hiram Abiff the architect and master mason (who had once been possessed by the spirit of the Egyptian god Osiris) who had helped build Solomon’s original Temple in Jerusalem.

. . .

In the Caribbean, the scarlet red dress wearing Inca goddess Pachamama riding a 7-headed beast had caused a powerful 7.7 magnitude earthquake that hit between Jamaica, the Cayman Islands and Cuba at a depth of 10 kilometres (6.2 miles).

. . .

Meanwhile in her apartment in Mexico City, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec greeted Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing as he walked through the door:

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 28th
2020.

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Moloch, Hillary Clinton and Carthage

November 12, 2019 at 11:07 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Moloch, Hillary Clinton and Carthage

The city of Rome was hosting an exhibit to its once great ancient rival Carthage.

The exhibit is called Carthago: The Immortal Myth.

As part of the exhibit, the statue of Moloch who was worshipped as a god by the Canaanites, the Phoenicians and the Carthaginians was placed at the entrance to Rome’s Colosseum as part of the exhibition.

During the witching hour, some people reported seeing the ghost of Nero playing his violin while ghostly lions roared around the Colosseum and Hannibal’s ghost sat in the stands ordering giant bags of spectral popcorn and peanuts for his ghostly elephants.

The Moloch statue itself, as noted by the ghost of the great Carthaginian general Hannibal, wasn’t an exact replica of the statue worshipped by the Carthaginians.

Rather it was a replica of the statue of Moloch as it appeared in the 1914 Italian silent film Cabiria.

At the statue’s unveiling back in September, there were reports that the ghost of Charlie Chaplin (in a revisiting of his role of the Little Tramp in the 1931 film City Lights) was found sleeping on the Moloch statue’s lap when it was unveiled.

Hillary Clinton, who was currently visiting the United Kingdom, briefly flew in to Rome on her broomstick to pay homage to the god Moloch.

The former Secretary of State threw a bag of Russian rubles on to the ancient god’s lap and made 3 wishes.

She then flew back to London where she appeared on a British news show and denounced the British government for not releasing a report into Russian interference in British elections prior to the upcoming December 12th UK General Election.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield who sat on the British House of Commons Foreign Affairs and Intelligence Committee was then invited on to the show to rebut Ms. Clinton’s charges.

“If we release the report prior to the election,” said Renfield, “then Putin and his officials will know how much we know about the extent of their operations and will change their tactics prior to the December 12th election and we will be left scrambling to find out what they’re up to. Ms. Clinton in making her demands for the report’s release at this stage is showing herself to be almost as stupid as Donald Trump is.”

Ms. Clinton foamed at the mouth that she had never been so insulted in all her life to which Renfield replied that she should really get out more often.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 12th
2019.

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Yaldabaoth, Bono and The Pachamama Grasses

November 8, 2019 at 11:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth, Bono and The Pachamama Grasses 

Back on Monday October 28th 2019 the day after the Vatican’s Amazon Synod ended, Pope Francis had a meeting with U2 singer Bono and economist Jeffrey Sachs.

At the meeting, Pope Francis’ Vatican and the United Nations signed a pact on sustainable development and global governance by the year 2030.

During that meeting, Pope Francis also gave Bono a planter of some grasses and soil that had been used to invoke the ancient Inca Earth Mother goddess Pachamama at a special ceremony in the Vatican Gardens back on October 4th before the Amazon Synod began.

The same planter of grasses and soil had been given to Pope Francis along with the Communion bread and wine as gifts to be presented on the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica for the closing Mass of the Amazon Synod on October 27th.

Now the planter of Pachamama grasses and soil had been given to Bono by Pope Francis.

But none of this was known to or of any concern to Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun who was walking through the Irish countryside on this Friday evening singing,

“You think she was Queen of the land 
and her hair hung over her shoulders
all tied up with a black velvet band…”

As he walked down the road, he ran into a cow he knew called Daisy Daily.

“Moo!” Daisy greeted him.

“Hello, Daisy,” Yaldabaoth doffed his hat, “You’re a long way from Farmer Riley’s farm.”

“Moo!” Daisy answered him.

“You’re looking for something to eat eh?” Yaldabaoth scratched his head and took a nip from a bottle of Irish whiskey, “Well, I think Bono the U2 singer has his estate somewhere near here. Let’s go see if he has anything to eat at his place.”

Leprechaun and cow headed off down the road to the Bono estate.

Yaldabaoth rang the doorbell of the great house which was promptly answered by Higgins who was Bono’s butler and valet.

“Hello, Higgins,” Yaldabaoth likewise doffed his hat to the butler, “My friend Daisy Daily was looking for something to eat and we were wondering if you could give her something.”

“Well…” Higgins said.

“Moo!” Daisy walked into the house and walked over to the sitting room window where the planter of Pachamama grasses and soil was located.

“Moo!” Daisy proclaimed before eating all the grasses.

The cow then got into the punch bowl on the sitting room table and drank all the punch.

“There’s about 40 litres of alcohol in that punch,” Higgins said.

“Well, not anymore,” Yaldabaoth remarked, “It’s in Daisy now.”

A now inebriated Daisy knocked over the planter of Pachamama soil with her tail.

“I apologize, Higgins,” Yaldabaoth opened the closet door and grabbed the vacuum cleaner, “let me vacuum that up for you.”

The leprechaun then vacuumed up all the dirt.

“That was sacred soil I was told,” Higgins’ hair had turned white.

“Now mixed in with sacred potato chip bits and sacred chocolate bar wrappers,” Yaldabaoth emptied the contents of the vacuum cleaner down the estate’s garbage chute.

“I wonder what Bono will say?” Higgins shook his head.

“Probably I still haven’t found what I’m looking for if he decides to go through the garbage,” Yaldabaoth directed Daisy Daily out the front door where leprechaun and cow headed back to Farmer Riley’s farm.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 8th
2019.

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Asmodeus In Rome On Saint Raphael’s Day

October 24, 2019 at 10:31 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Asmodeus In Rome On Saint Raphael’s Day 

The demon Asmodeus was sitting in a Rome taverna and enjoying a glass of absinthe with the little green frog Nimrod (who had been a mighty hunter back in the day of the Old Testament Book of Genesis).

The TV in the taverna was on and the news was being read,

“In Britain, Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering has been placed in charge of the investigation to find the human trafficking gang responsible for the deaths of 39 migrants who had been found frozen to death in a refrigerator truck that was parked in an industrial area in Essex…”

“I wonder what will happen to the human traffickers when Renfield gets his hands on them?” Nimrod asked.

“I imagine from what I’ve heard of Renfield’s reputation,” Asmodeus lit his 10,000th cigarette of the day, “they will die a slow painful death by bodily dismemberment.”

“I suppose that’s why Renfield is considered the inspiration for the character of Raymond Red Reddington on The Blacklist TV show,” Nimrod licked up absinthe from his glass with his long tongue.

“I imagine,” Asmodeus agreed as he sipped his absinthe.

“In other news,” the announcer on the TV went on, “Pope Francis dove into the Tiber River today when he spotted what he thought were Pachamama idols floating by. The idols had been thrown off the bridge into the Tiber River on Monday…”

“I wonder if Pope Francis knows how to swim,” Nimrod finished his absinthe.

“Don’t know,” Asmodeus shrugged as he motioned for the waiter to bring another couple of glasses of absinthe.

A girl walked by the window wearing a Saint Raphael medal around her neck.

“Great balls of fire,” Asmodeus turned pale and made a reverse Sign of the Cross.

“What is it?” Nimrod inquired.

“That woman was wearing a Saint Raphael medal,” Asmodeus answered.

“Si, signor,” the waiter said as he put down the glasses of absinthe, “today is Saint Raphael’s Day on the old Roman Rite Latin calendar.”

“What have you got against Saint Raphael?” Nimrod asked Asmodeus when the waiter departed.

“Well over 2 millennia and a half ago, when I had the hots for a young Hebrew maiden named Sarah so much so that I murdered 7 of her husbands on the night their marriages to her were supposed to be consummated,” Asmodeus explained, “The Archangel Raphael befriended a young Hebrew man named Tobias and helped him get engaged to Sarah. The awful smell of a fish’s liver and heart being burnt and its fumes drove me away when I tried to attack Tobias on their wedding night. The smell was so bad, I fled from Media (where Sarah lived) all the way to Upper Egypt where Raphael followed me, bound me and buried me. I lay bound and buried for several centuries until an intoxicated Irish leprechaun named Yaldabaoth accidentally released me while he was visiting his mother Sophia in Egypt.”

“I can see why you’re not very happy with Raphael,” Nimrod nodded.

Meanwhile in another part of Rome, the Greek goddess Artemis rang the doorbell of a Vatican Cardinal’s apartment.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 24th
2019.

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Pan Goatee’s Uglocide Evening, Macron’s Whining, Malachi Martin Anniversary and Roy Cohn’s Pretty Boy

July 27, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Religion, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Uglocide Evening, Macron’s Whining, Malachi Martin Anniversary and Roy Cohn’s Pretty Boy

Pan Goatee had just entered the grocery store and went to pick up a cart when a medium sized ugly looking blimp approached to pick up a cart.

Goatee beat the blimp in picking up a cart first and then promptly beheaded the blimp.

“One must show patience,” remarked some idiotic bystander.

“You can spend all eternity showing patience,” Goatee answered as he beheaded the man.

Goatee then picked up the items he wanted to buy and then went and stood in line at the cashier.

Some ugly looking female stoat-human hybrid (in one of the many genetics experiments in southern Alberta gone horribly wrong) then went and rudely walked down the aisle past the customers waiting in line just to exit instead of using the proper exit.

Goatee then leapt across cash registers, got in front of the ugly looking female stoat human hybrid and beheaded her with his astral machete remarking, “You’re the best argument ever against the erroneous concept of white supremacy.”

Goatee wished he could track down the Nazi criminals from Argentina who had settled down in Calgary back in the 1990s and performed horrendous and blasphemous genetic experiments whose rotten hideous looking fruit were now coming to fruition in the teens decade of the early 21st Century.

But the Nazi criminals having done their damage apparently fled elsewhere.

. . .

French President Emmanuel Macron sat in his office feeling depressed.

In addition to being turned down for quickies from all the older women he had propositioned in Parisienne sidewalk cafés on this Saturday evening, Donald Trump had tweeted a nasty tweet against him earlier this week.

Macron was thinking of imposing a digital sales tax on American corporate tech giants when they sold items over the Internet in France.

Trump tweeted that if Macron went ahead with this proposal, he Trump would impose a tariff on French wines when they were imported into America.

And then in the unkindest tweet of all, Trump had brutishly tweeted, “American wines are better than French wines.”

Now Macron sat at his desk drowning his sorrows in a bottle of Paul Masson wine.

. . .

“It was 20 years ago today that Malachi Martin the former Jesuit priest (who left the Jesuit order because it was too homosexual and too Marxist for his liking) and well known exorcist and popular best-selling author died,” Cardinal JM the head of the Vatican’s Secret Intelligence Service remarked to Samhain Cardinal Salaman a former professional stage magician turned Vatican cardinal.

“I remember hearing about that at the time,” Salaman remarked, “what caused his death?”.

“He apparently fell off a ladder while trying to retrieve a book from the top of his book shelf in his Manhattan New York apartment,” Cardinal JM sipped a Manhattan cocktail and ate a New York bagel, “although there are some people who believe he was pushed off that ladder.”

“By whom?” Cardinal Salaman asked.

“Well one theory is it was by demons,” Cardinal JM bit into a devilled egg, “and the other is it was by a priest or bishop or maybe even a cardinal who was full of the spirit of Vatican II.”

“I’ve heard that it was Malachi Martin’s book The Keys of This Blood that inspired Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to become a geopolitical analyst,” Cardinal Salaman sipped his coffee.

“I’ve heard that too,” Cardinal JM shrugged, “anyhow Malachi Martin’s July 27th 1999 death couldn’t have come at a better time for the Vatican.”

“Why is that?” Salaman ate his baked salmon.

“Well the Jubilee year of 2000 was approaching and many people were pissed that the Catholic Church had never released the Third Secret of Fatima which it was supposed to have done in 1960 according to the Virgin Mary’s instructions,” Cardinal JM started eating a Belgian waffle, “but the Vatican plan after John XXIII was only to release the vision associated with the Third Secret not the text (Mary’s spoken words) of the Secret itself. However that posed a problem after Malachi Martin (who was the secretary to the Vatican Jesuit Cardinal Augustin Bea in 1960) left the Jesuit order. Martin as secretary to Cardinal Bea had read the Third Secret although he had taken an oath not to reveal it. And he never did reveal it. Although he dropped vague hints as to what was in it when he appeared on Art Bell’s Coast-To-Coast AM radio program back in the late 1990s. So the Vatican could never release the vision of the Third Secret and claim it was the text (Mary’s actual words) while Martin was still alive because then Father Martin would have said that the Vatican was full of you know what.”

Cardinal JM wiped his mouth with a napkin after eating a chocolate covered figure of a bull.

“Why doesn’t the Vatican want the text (Mary’s words) of the Third Secret released?” Cardinal Salaman asked.

“Well of course the Vatican has no problem with the global war or the fire falling from heaven causing tsunamis of steam to fall across the nations of the world everywhere or millions of people dying by the minute that’s mentioned in the Third Secret,” Cardinal JM cheerfully ate a gingerbread horse of the Apocalypse, “what it does have a problem with is Mary saying that Satan will infiltrate to the very top of the Church itself. Catholics across the world might stop dropping their money in the collection plate if word on that got out.”

“A wise decision indeed,” Cardinal Salaman bit into his Montreal smoked meat sandwich.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was in New York City.

What brought him to New York were appearances of notorious American lawyer Roy Cohn’s ghost appearing across the world.

Whitstable deduced that Hades and Persephone had granted Cohn’s ghost permission to leave the Underworld for some reason.

So Whitstable had gone to New York to find out more about Cohn’s background.

The Interpol detective knew that Cohn had been Chief Counsel to the notorious Wisconsin Senator Joe McCarthy back in the 1950s.

He had also represented and defended several New York City Italian crime family bosses back in the 1970s.

Whitstable was currently interviewing an old acquaintance of Cohn in a run down New York City apartment.

The informer wore an empty cement bag on his head and a pair of used Nike running shoes on his feet so he wouldn’t be recognized.

“Well, Roy died of AIDS back in 1986,” the informer said.

“AIDS?” Whitstable repeated the statement.

“But Roy wasn’t gay,” the informer stated emphatically, “he always said that he enjoyed having sex with men. But he always insisted that he wasn’t gay.”

“Okay,” Whitstable nodded.

“But Sen. Joe McCarthy was gay,” the informer went on, “Roy’s personal secretary mentioned that in the book she was going to publish had she lived. But McCarthy covered it up during his life time. Being gay was the kiss of death for a U.S. politician in the 1950s. Unlike today where it seems to be working out very well for the current Mayor of South Bend, Indiana.”

“So Cohn said that he enjoyed having sex with men,” Whitstable took notes, “were they all one night stands or did he ever have a long term relationship with a man?”.

“There was one he had,” the informer answered, “in fact Cohn said in a public interview back in 1980 that this man used to call him 18 to 20 times a day each day. So you can see how intense the relationship was. This man also said himself in a public interview back in 1980 that Cohn protected him to the point of viciousness.”

“Wow,” Whitstable agreed, “That does sound pretty intense. Who was this man?”.

“The current occupant of the Oval Office in the White House,” the informer replied.

Roy Cohn and a mascara and make-up wearing young Roman soldier Donald Trump having a gay old time at a New York City nightclub on Saturday June 24th 1972.
The photo accompanied a story in the New York City edition of The Times of London on Monday June 26th 1972.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 27th
2019.

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The Kraken Napoleon VI In A Rome Taverna

May 9, 2019 at 9:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Kraken Napoleon VI and his wife Medusa were doing very well in the opinion polls for the EU Parliamentary elections in France.

There was a very good chance that both he and Medusa would be elected to the European Parliament in Strasbourg on behalf of the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party.

French President Emmanuel Macron was already pulling his hair out at the news.

As the French President was on the phone to the Oval Office in Washington DC asking Donald Trump the name of a place where he did NOT buy his toupees, the Kraken Napoleon VI decided to take a break from the campaign trail and go for a short excursion to Rome.

Medusa herself would be hitting the roulette tables down in Monte Carlo.

After a day of sightseeing around Rome, the Kraken decided to pay a visit to a quiet Rome taverna and sample some good Italian wine.

When he entered through the taverna door, he noticed the ghost of Orson Welles sitting in a booth next to the statue of Venus.

“A lovely location you’ve chosen, Orson,” the Kraken sat across from the spirit he recognized as an advisor to his British Transhumanist political ally the British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“I did not choose this spot just to look at Venus’ lovely derriere contrary to what some might think,” Welles adjusted the hat on his head, “although a very lovely derriere it is. I do not want people mistaking me for Bill Clinton or Rev. Jesse Jackson enjoying Miss Ariana Grande’s most stellar performance at Aretha Franklin’s funeral last year. When I first sat down, that statue of Venus was dressed in furs. Venus in furs. But then the ghost of Baron Leopold von Sacher-Masoch entered the taverna and stole all the furs off Venus.”

“I’m sorry to have missed that,” the Kraken ordered 8 bottles of wine from the waiter.

“I hear you and Medusa are polling ahead of Macron’s party in the European Parliament elections,” Welles lit a spectral cigar.

“Yes, I’m pleased as punch about that,” the Kraken accepted a complimentary glass of punch from the taverna’s management.

Welles looked at a woman sitting at an adjacent table.

“That woman,” Welles continued to gaze in her direction, “looks a lot like Simone Simon.”

“The noted French actress?” The Kraken put on his monocle and looked in the woman’s direction.

“Yes, she was absolutely magnificent as the cat woman in the 1942 film The Cat People,” Welles recalled.

“Ever since I saw that film and saw that one particular scene, I’ve been reluctant to swim in a YWCA swimming pool ever since,” the Kraken recalled.

Just then a Vatican Cardinal entered the taverna and sat down.

Welles gazed at the Cardinal.

“You know,” Welles leaned over and whispered to the Kraken, “I’ve been told that Cardinal is a practicing satanist.”

Just then the woman who looked like Simone Simon shapeshifted into a black panther and went over and ripped the Cardinal to shreds leaving a tangled web of cardinal’s robes and spiralling pool of blood on the taverna floor.

The cat woman then left the taverna without paying her bill causing the waiter to have a major spaz attack and go running out into the streets chasing after the she beast.

“Well,” the Kraken looked at the cardinal’s hat floating on top of the pool of blood on the taverna floor, “It looks like Satan will have one less vote at the next papal conclave.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 9th
2019.

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