The Kraken Napoleon VI In A Rome Taverna

May 9, 2019 at 9:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Kraken Napoleon VI and his wife Medusa were doing very well in the opinion polls for the EU Parliamentary elections in France.

There was a very good chance that both he and Medusa would be elected to the European Parliament in Strasbourg on behalf of the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party.

French President Emmanuel Macron was already pulling his hair out at the news.

As the French President was on the phone to the Oval Office in Washington DC asking Donald Trump the name of a place where he did NOT buy his toupees, the Kraken Napoleon VI decided to take a break from the campaign trail and go for a short excursion to Rome.

Medusa herself would be hitting the roulette tables down in Monte Carlo.

After a day of sightseeing around Rome, the Kraken decided to pay a visit to a quiet Rome taverna and sample some good Italian wine.

When he entered through the taverna door, he noticed the ghost of Orson Welles sitting in a booth next to the statue of Venus.

“A lovely location you’ve chosen, Orson,” the Kraken sat across from the spirit he recognized as an advisor to his British Transhumanist political ally the British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“I did not choose this spot just to look at Venus’ lovely derriere contrary to what some might think,” Welles adjusted the hat on his head, “although a very lovely derriere it is. I do not want people mistaking me for Bill Clinton or Rev. Jesse Jackson enjoying Miss Ariana Grande’s most stellar performance at Aretha Franklin’s funeral last year. When I first sat down, that statue of Venus was dressed in furs. Venus in furs. But then the ghost of Baron Leopold von Sacher-Masoch entered the taverna and stole all the furs off Venus.”

“I’m sorry to have missed that,” the Kraken ordered 8 bottles of wine from the waiter.

“I hear you and Medusa are polling ahead of Macron’s party in the European Parliament elections,” Welles lit a spectral cigar.

“Yes, I’m pleased as punch about that,” the Kraken accepted a complimentary glass of punch from the taverna’s management.

Welles looked at a woman sitting at an adjacent table.

“That woman,” Welles continued to gaze in her direction, “looks a lot like Simone Simon.”

“The noted French actress?” The Kraken put on his monocle and looked in the woman’s direction.

“Yes, she was absolutely magnificent as the cat woman in the 1942 film The Cat People,” Welles recalled.

“Ever since I saw that film and saw that one particular scene, I’ve been reluctant to swim in a YWCA swimming pool ever since,” the Kraken recalled.

Just then a Vatican Cardinal entered the taverna and sat down.

Welles gazed at the Cardinal.

“You know,” Welles leaned over and whispered to the Kraken, “I’ve been told that Cardinal is a practicing satanist.”

Just then the woman who looked like Simone Simon shapeshifted into a black panther and went over and ripped the Cardinal to shreds leaving a tangled web of cardinal’s robes and spiralling pool of blood on the taverna floor.

The cat woman then left the taverna without paying her bill causing the waiter to have a major spaz attack and go running out into the streets chasing after the she beast.

“Well,” the Kraken looked at the cardinal’s hat floating on top of the pool of blood on the taverna floor, “It looks like Satan will have one less vote at the next papal conclave.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 9th
2019.

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Pope Francis Opens Synod On Sex Abuse By Putting Foot In His Mouth

February 20, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Philosophy, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

This was the opening of the Vatican special synod on sex abuse.

The demons Baal and Baphomet sat in the chamber as special theological advisors to the body.

Pope Francis opened the synod by angrily waving his finger in the air and pontificating in Josef Stalinesque fashion, “Those who do nothing but criticize, criticize, criticize, criticize and further criticize the Church are friends of the Devil.”

Baphomet looked concernedly at Baal over these words.

Baal smiled reassuringly as he helped himself to a large tin of fresh unborn babies, “I think the Devil that the Unholy Father is referring to is the same Devil that the 19th Century French sorcerer Eliphas Levi referred to in his 1860 book The History of Magic and the Scottish Rite Freemasonic occultist Albert Pike referred to in his 1872 work Morals and Dogma which is the Devil is Adonai (the God of the Hebrews). Adonai and Lucifer are both God. Adonai is the dark evil side of God. And Lucifer is the lightbearing side of God.”

“That makes sense,” Baphomet tried to remain calm for the male/female human goat demon transgendered hybrid was having a bad day.

His/her breasts were lactating, his/her female genitalia was undergoing her period and his/her male genitalia kept undergoing premature ejaculations every 5 minutes.

In many ways, Baphomet’s current state was almost symbolic of the entire U.S. Democratic Party- the vast majority of whose members either knowingly or unknowingly worshipped the transgendered human goat demon hybrid.

As for Baal and Baphomet’s demonic rivals Mammon and Mephistopheles (either knowingly or unknowingly worshipped by the vast majority of U.S. Republicans), they were in the White House wondering how to get Trump out of the Oval Office and their own man Jared Kushner in.

As Pope Francis lambasted his critics for daring to criticize him and calling them “Friends of the Devil” (who may or may not be Adonai depending upon whether one is a practicing occultist or not), a group of victims of priestly sex abuse shivered in the cold out in Saint Peter’s Square wondering whether Francis would bother to meet with them.

He did not.

And Jorge Mario Bergoglio (who was anything but a true Vicar of Christ) continued to pave his way towards eventually winning the Ecclesiastical Asshole of The Millennium Award.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Wednesday February 20th
2019.


Pan: The Father of Baphomet who was turned to stone by the head of Medusa as he lay dying.
The stoned Pan now lies in the Vatican.

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Pan Goatee Beheads More Fat Ugly Blimps, Putin’s Latvian Victory and Atlantis Discovered

October 6, 2018 at 10:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Science-Fiction, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Beheads More Fat Ugly Blimps, Putin’s Latvian Victory and Atlantis Discovered

DARPA contract assassin and genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee decided to visit a McDonald’s restaurant he hadn’t been to for a while.

He hoped that there would be no fat ugly blimps in there who would ruin his appetite.

Pan ordered the Big Mac combo and after eating it, lo and behold a couple of extremely repulsively ugly fat ugly Caucasian blimps entered the restaurant and went and sat like elephants in a booth not far from him.

After throwing up all over Ontario Premier Doug Ford (who was in Calgary to attend an Axe The Carbon Tax rally), he said to the Premier now sporting a 🤮 green (formerly black) t-shirt that said JUST SAY NO TO THE CARBON TAX, Pan said to Ford, “You really should have a t-shirt that says JUST SAY NO TO FAT UGLY BLIMPS. Fat ugly blimps are more of a threat to the world’s existence and future survival than a carbon tax is.”

Goatee after redecorating the colour of Doug Ford’s t-shirt then walked over and beheaded the two fat ugly blimps.

Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene to cut up the two fat ugly blimps into 666 quadrillion pieces and then put them into environmentally unfriendly plastic garbage bags, pour gasoline on them and then burn down a drug dealer’s house with them.

Goatee then tried to enjoy the rest of his Coca-Cola but then another fat ugly white blimp came and sat directly in front of him.

Goatee then threw up all over Alberta’s Provincial Education Minister David Eggen a member of the NDP cabinet and therefore a supporter of the carbon tax.

“I have to be fair to both sides of this question,” Goatee remarked when he had finished vomiting 🤮.

Goatee then went over and beheaded this third fat ugly white blimp.

Once again Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene and performing his usual déjà vu modus operandi that he had been taught by Pan Goatee eventually set another drug dealer’s house on fire with fat ugly blimp remains (for as David Bowie noted, “You can’t put out fire 🔥 with gasoline ⛽️ “).

Nero’s ghost played on his violin 🎻, “Burn baby burn. Disco inferno…” as the house burnt to the ground although this drug dealer’s house was no New York City Studio 54.

. . .

Meanwhile over in Riga, Latvia 🇱🇻 the pro-Russia party Harmony won the most votes 🗳 in today’s Latvian general election.

What probably sealed the pro-Russia Harmony party’s victory was the recent visit of Pope Francis to Latvia 🇱🇻 two weeks ago.

Pope Francis was denounced as a “disciple of the Devil” by Russian 🇷🇺 President Vladimir Putin in a speech to servicemen and sailors at a Russian naval shipyard last year.

After seeing Pope Francis in person so recently, the Latvian people no doubt reached the conclusion that Putin was correct in his assessment and decided to vote for the pro-Russia Harmony party.

. . .

Meanwhile over in the Atlantic Ocean, the French marine biologist, marine archaeologist and oceanographer Louis Alphonse Cousteau’s older brother Toulouse Cousteau had just discovered the lost continent of Atlantis (as his younger brother Louis Alphonse had just discovered the lost continent of Lemuria in the South Pacific a couple of weeks ago).

Both Cousteau brothers were great nephews of the famous 20th Century French oceanographer Jacques Cousteau.

And both Cousteau brothers had used the geographic coordinates used in a 36-page letter that Nikola Tesla had written in the early 1940s to FDR’s 2nd Vice-President Henry A. Wallace containing the mystical visions of a Croatian Austrian German woman mystic Maria Orsic (whom Tesla described as the true love of his life) on the destruction and locations of both Lemuria and Atlantis to find both lost continents respectively.

Toulouse Cousteau sat aboard his vessel The Calypso Beat (a former Venezuelan oil tanker) and toasted his find with a glass of British Columbia Okanagan Valley Red Wine 🍷.

The lost continent of Atlantis beneath the Atlantic waves 🌊.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 6th
2018.

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Brisbane’s Archbishop Coleridge and The Slaughter of The Albatrosses

October 3, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Brisbane’s Archbishop Coleridge and The Slaughter of The Albatrosses

At the Vatican in Rome, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was still in heavenly bliss after spending a night making out with the Vampiress Allatallahbel’s astral body twin double the succubus Asherah who was wearing a sexy nun’s outfit of veil, short skirted habit mini dress and black silk pantyhose.

Pope Francis was still vomiting 🤮 Gadarene pigs’ feet.

He got a Get Well card from Kwan Yin the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy which gave him a recipe for a Korean pork dish with the inscription, “Try this. Korean pork is a lot healthier and less demonically possessed than Gadarene pork.”

At Brisbane in Australia 🇦🇺 meanwhile the pervert friendly and demon worshipping Roman Catholic Archbishop Mark Coleridge was having a dream where he was dressed as an ancient mariner and slaying albatrosses with a cross bow left, right and center.

A group of angry sailors angry that their ship had crashed on the rock as a result of Archbishop Coleridge slaying so many albatrosses ripped the gold pectoral Cross off from around his neck and put a necklace of albatrosses around his neck.

The Archbishop’s gods Baal and Baphomet appeared to him and said they actually preferred the necklace of albatrosses around his neck rather than the Cross.

Archbishop Coleridge went into a pub and downed several pitchers of Carlton Draught.

After doing so, the Archbishop went into a reception hall and stopped a wedding guest from entering the hall in order to tell him his story of the slaughter of the albatrosses.

The wedding guest punched Archbishop Coleridge and sent him flying across 3 oceans into a British Premier League football ⚽️ stadium.

The Archbishop decided to become a hawker of goods in the stadium and went around shouting “Albatross! Albatross!”.

“What does it taste like?” asked a spectator.

“How do I know what it tastes like?” The Archbishop retorted angrily, “It tastes like bloody sea bird bloody flavour.”

“Do you get wafers with it?” The spectator asked.

“Of course you don’t get bloody wafers with it,” Archbishop Coleridge answered as Communion wafers fell out of his ass by the truck load.

“All right, I’ll take that one then,” the spectator paid the Archbishop and the Archbishop ripped the selected albatross off his necklace of albatrosses and gave it to the man.

Archbishop Coleridge was then attacked by a zombie 🧟‍♂️ Norwegian Blue parrot tired of pining for the fjords and so brought back from the dead.

The Archbishop fell from the stands on to the field.

On the field, he was set upon and choked to death by a python 🐍 named Monty.

After kicking the bucket, Archbishop Coleridge was horrified to discover that his idol Pope Francis was wrong about Hell.

Mercifully at the moment Coleridge tumbled into the flames 🔥 while Australian singer Olivia Newton John sang, “Xanadu, your neon lights will shine for you, Xanadu” while the Mongolian Chinese Emperor Kublai Khan stood and applauded, the Archbishop suddenly woke up.

It had all been a dream.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 3rd
2018.

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Vatican Roulette- Gambling On There Being No Hell

October 1, 2018 at 10:25 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Vatican Roulette- Gambling On There Being No Hell

Pope Francis was having a late night supper in the Vatican with Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal, the 6 last surviving Vampiric Knights-Templar, Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow, his horse a zombie black horse named Bucephalus Reborn and Amourous Laetitia the personal black cat and familiar of Hecate (the Greek goddess of witchcraft).

Samhain Cardinal Salaman (a former professional stage magician who knew how the Indonesian ghost magician The Sacred Riana and the Canadian-American magician Shin Lim performed their tricks and illusions) had been invited to the dinner but declined when he heard what was on the menu.

On the menu was pork – pork that had been found either at the bottom of a lake or the bottom of a sea by Allatallahbel’s friend the mermaid 🧜‍♀️ goddess Atargatis (who was the mother of Semiramis the famous Assyrian Queen).

The sea bound pork was becoming quite indigestible.

Bucephalus Reborn the zombie black horse was quite literally throwing up cotton from eating it.

Pope Francis promptly lost his appetite for eating cotton candy at a circus anytime in the near or far foreseeable future.

It was fortunate for the Headless Horseman Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden that he only ate pumpkin 🎃 pie 🥧.

Thus avoiding the pork.

Amourous Laetitia decided to throw in the towel and become a vegetarian for the first time in her millennia old life.

She not only lost her pork dinner as a result of this meal but brought up her lunch as well.

That old buzzard of a vulture didn’t taste as good coming up as it did going down.

“I wonder where Atargatis got this pork from?” Allatallahbel threw up all over the gay Jesuit priest who served as Pope Francis’ valet.

Gospel of Mark Chapter 5:

Jesus exorcises the Gadarene demoniac asking the unclean spirit possessing the man, “What is thy name?” and the unclean spirit (or spirits) replies, “My name is Legion: for we are many.”

The demons possessing the man asked Christ to send them into some nearby swine.

Jesus granted them leave to do so.

The unclean spirits went into the swine and the herd of about 2000 ran off a cliff into the sea and were choked in the sea 🌊. (Mark Chapter 5: 1-20).

. . .

The leaders of the United States, Mexico and Canada announced that they had agreed to a renewed NAFTA trade deal to be renamed USMCA (United States Mexico Canada Agreement).

After Donald Trump had issued a victory tweet announcing the formation of USMCA, a group of Greenwich Village bathhouse employees wearing nothing but jockey briefs (which had pictures of Donald Trump at the back of the briefs) came out and did a dance routine on the streets bending over and singing a paraphrased version of an old 1970s Village People song, “Down at the USMCA…”

. . .

The newly installed Samhain Cardinal Salaman (former professional stage magician and ex-practicing Kabbalist) wasn’t sure whether he believed in the God of Catholicism or not.

But then years ago, Pope Francis had said that there was no Catholic God.

Still Samhain Cardinal Salaman decided to go down to Saint Raphael’s Chapel and pray to “whom it may concern”.

When he entered the chapel, he saw this vision greeting him:

A nun dressed in very unusual nun attire.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 1st
2018.

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Italian Freemasonic Grandmaster Says Pope Francis Is Prototype of Enlightened Despot of The World

June 28, 2018 at 10:34 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Italian Freemasonic Grandmaster Says Pope Francis Is Prototype of Enlightened Despot of The World

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was staring in disbelief at the two pieces of information he held in his hands.

One was an interview that the Italian Freemasonic Grandmaster Giuliano Di Bernardo had given to the Italian newspaper Libero.

Giuliano Di Bernardo was Grand Master of the Grand Orient of Italy from 1990 to 1993 and later the founder and first grandmaster of the Grand Lodge of Italy from 1993 until 2001.

In interviews, Di Bernardo said that “global society cannot be governed democratically but only through a community of Wise Men who embody the One – the Enlightened Tyrant”.

Libero asked Di Bernardo, “What is your prototype of an enlightened tyrant?”.

Di Bernardo replied, “If I really should name one, I would say, Pope Francis.”

The other bit of information that Peter Whitstable held in his hand was a letter he had received from a Catholic priest in France who was the pastor of a small rural parish.

The priest said that Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) concerned about the huge number of cardinals, bishops and priests who objected to his papal policies (his papal policies that generally consisted of rejecting the doctrines that had been believed in and taught by the Church for the past 2000 years) was going to enact and demand a personal oath of loyalty and fealty by every cardinal, bishop, priest and deacon to himself personally Jorge Mario Bergoglio or otherwise be excommunicated from the Catholic Church.

Peter Whitstable in his mind could hear Robin the Boy Wonder say to his fellow Caped Crusader, “Unholy Trinity, Batman. Can you say False Prophet and Antichrist?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 28th
2018.

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Pope Francis and The Satanic Sacrifice In Geneva

June 22, 2018 at 10:15 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Pope Francis and The Satanic Sacrifice In Geneva

Pan Goatee was walking around transit stops once again continuing his aesthetically inspired efforts in making the city more attractive by improving the visual appearance of its local transit system.

He had his laser machete and a karaoke headpiece with him.

He also had a can of gasoline.

As he started this evening’s slash and burn policy of ridding the city of its ugly females, he sang his own version of an old Wang Chung song from the mid-1980s:

I’d slash a million heads
to promote beauty
(Cuts off the head of an ugly looking girl)
So if you’re feeling low
cause you saw an uglo
(kicks the head away)
The blades I use are strong
They create beauty
But now the gasoline’s on
Light this head to Hell

(Pours gasoline over the head)

Rip it up
Slash down
Rip it up
Rid the world of its frown
Rip it up
Burn down
Rip it up
Beauty increases in town

Everybody slash ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight
Everybody slash ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight
Everybody slash ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight

Deep in the world tonight
(cuts off the head of a fat ugly woman)
The heads are going down
The blood will really flow
all the way across town

Rip it up
(cuts off the head of an even fatter and even uglier woman)
Slash down
Rip it up
Kick it down the ground
(Kicks head down the street)
Rip it up
burn down
Rip it up
Get out what’s inside of you
(takes off his Happy Days Fonzie black leather jacket and exposes a t-shirt that says GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER PSYCHOPATH)

Everybody kill ughs tonight
Everybody kill ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight…

On the edge of oblivion
All the world is Babylon
And all the love and everyone
A ship of fools sailing on
It’s the Voyage of the Damned tonight
Charon is hanging on

Across the nation
massive constipation
Everybody Ex-Lax tonight
An enema that cuts through the grime
I don’t consider it a crime

. . .

The ghost of the late Iraqi President Saddam Hussein had somehow managed to escape the fires 🔥 of Tartarus when Hades (the Greek god of the Underworld) had his back turned.

Hades at the time was taking some giant lobsters out of a bag that were a gift to him from his brother Poseidon the god of the sea 🌊.

Hades was planning to roast the lobsters at a massive shake and bake that he was planning at one of the world’s largest volcanoes 🌋 during the next month.

Saddam’s ghost was currently in the city of Istanbul because he had heard that the Vietnamese government in Hanoi was going to name Ho Babylon Minh (the vampiress granddaughter of the late Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh) the Vietnamese Ambassador to the revived Ottoman Empire.

Saddam who had spent time roasting away on a spit in Tartarus was a little behind (in the opinion of Truman Capote’s ghost) in his knowledge of the world’s current affairs.

He was not aware that Turkey’s 🇹🇷 despotic and demagogic President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had not yet formally proclaimed the revival of the Ottoman Empire with himself (Erdogan) as the new Sultan of Constantinople and the new Caliph of the new Global Islamic Caliphate.

Erdogan was hoping to do extremely well in the Presidential and Parliamentary elections this coming Sunday June 24th (the Feast Day of the Nativity of Saint John the Baptist) and then he’d announce the creation of the revived Ottoman Empire with himself as Sultan and Caliph.

As Hades rummaged through the bag of lobsters looking for a psychic lobster to eat first, Persephone noticed that Saddam’s ghost had gone missing.

She immediately sent the 3-headed dog Cerberus up to Earth to find Saddam’s ghost and bring him back to Tartarus.

. . .

Pope Francis was in his bedroom in the Vatican discussing the difference between dreams and reality with the ghost of Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung.

Why Pope Francis had asked Hades to temporarily grant Dr. Jung’s ghost a dispensation to leave Purgatory for a while was there was something that the Jesuit pontiff wished to discuss with the well known expert on dreams.

The matter had been bothering Father Jorge Mario Bergoglio (as Pope Francis was known to close associates) for the past 24 hours.

Ever since he had returned to Rome from Geneva.

The pontiff had spent the Summer Solstice in Geneva attending 70th anniversary celebrations for the World Council of Churches.

After the celebration, Francis had been invited to attend what was called “a non-Anglican Evensong service” in an abandoned and desolate Catholic Church on the outskirts of Geneva.

During the service, Francis saw a 16-year-old beautiful young Russian girl (who was said to be both a virgin and the youngest living (until then) female relative of the old Russian Imperial Romanov family) sacrificed to the satanic idol image of Baphomet while Vladimir Lenin’s ghost looked on and applauded.

During the sacrifice of the Russian girl, the Baphomet appeared in person and sang those old Cat Stevens lyrics, “I’m being followed by a moonshadow, moon shadow, moonshadow” as he played the song on an electric guitar 🎸 while a werewolf howled outside the very unusual looking stained glass window depicting the image of Judas Iscariot.

“What I want to know,” Francis asked Jung as he wiped his glasses, “was this just a dream I had or did this actually happen?”.

Jung took off his own pair of spectral glasses 👓 and wiped them with his spectral handkerchief, “I’ll need to discuss this further with one of my colleagues. Preferably Sigmund Freud.”

Francis got on his Hermes Trismegistus smart phone and dialled Hades’ private number to ask him to give Sigmund Freud’s ghost a temporary dispensation from Purgatory.

“Awwww, shit,” Hades cried as one of the lobsters pinched him on the buttocks with his claws when the Greek chthonic deity was distracted by the sound of Johann Sebastian Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring ring tone playing on his own Hermes Trismegitus smart phone.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 22nd
2018.

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Vampiress Allatallahbel In The Vatican: A Poem

June 4, 2018 at 11:14 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Vampiress Allatallahbel In The Vatican: A Poem

There where a statue of the Virgin Mary had once stood
was a sight that made Orson Welles knock on wood
that is if only the ghostly film director could
for there in the nave was a vampiress in the flesh
A High Priestess of the Canaanite god Baal no less

Allatallahbel was her name
She sought everlasting fame
So on October 13th last year
she got Knights-Templar in gear
who attacked the Swiss Guards from the rear
Pope Francis thought it was just another Vatican gay orgy
so thought ‘tis nothing out of the ordinary

By then the Vatican belonged to Allatallahbel
but Francis just shrugged and said, “What the Hell?”.
“Doesn’t exist so I say, All is well.”

Orson Welles’ ghost looked at the vampiress’ dress of purple
She looked like a vampiress whose crescent 🌙 was fertile
“Looks like she’s ready to take a bite,
If I was still mortal, I’d best pop out of sight.”
“But seeing as how I’m a ghost
I know I’m not toast
though in Purgatory I was quite well done
I was even mistaken for a hot dog 🌭 baked in the sun 🌞 “

The Vatican had changed since the last days he had visited Rome
Into a place Antichrist could call home.
La Salette prophecy had come to pass
as Peter’s successor becomes Midsummer Bottom’s ass.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 4th
2018.

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Pope Rihanna and Diablos Nocturna At The 2018 Met Gala

May 12, 2018 at 11:59 pm (Avatar Speaks, Celebrities, Commentary, Culture, Fashion, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Pope Rihanna and Diablos Nocturna At The 2018 Met Gala

Diablos Nocturna stood in the secret Time Tunnel at the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Geneva, Switzerland.

The date was Saturday May 12th 2018.

Standing alongside him in the tunnel was the powerful French witch Sabrine Davignon.

https://pin.it/66zjfkycjmk57p

The CERN scientist Dr. Hades Spawnus threw the switch.

Both Diablos Nocturna and the French witch Sabrine Davignon went back in time to the Met Gala 2018 in New York City held on Monday May 7th 2018.

And standing there was Pope Rihanna on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art:

https://pin.it/oluijvyvk2jt63

Sabrine Davignon commanded the elements, “Freeze time except for…” and then she spoke names in Latin which confused the post Vatican II Jesuit priest Father James Martin.

All people at the gala were frozen in time and place except for Pope Rihanna, Diablos Nocturna and Sabrine Davignon herself.

Diablos Nocturna went and knelt in front of Pope Rihanna.

He kissed her papal ring.

She then turned around and bent over and lifted her glittering sparkling papal robe and short tight skirted mini dress and he kissed her ass.

Sabrine Davignon thought to herself, “How like new members of the White House staff and the Trump Administration when they go in to meet the Donald in the Oval Office for the first time.”

Pope Rihanna kissed Diablos Nocturna on the forehead and both cheeks (facial cheeks for clarification).

She then ran her fingers through his hair and asked, “Have you been a good boy, Diablos Nocturna?”.

“No, I’ve been a very bad boy, your Holiness,” Diablos Nocturna confessed.

“Then I must punish you,” Pope Rihanna removed from underneath her robe a large wooden paddle that had written on it in large print MY PAPAL BLESSINGS AND INDULGENCES (written in Latin of course which would have further confused Father James Martin had he not been frozen in time and place).

She then sat on the steps, commanded Diablos Nocturna to take off all his clothes and lie across her skirted lap.

When Diablos Nocturna had done so, Pope Rihanna then administered 666 very strong and powerful whacks on his bare buttocks with her Papal Blessings and Indulgences (in Latin) paddle.

When she had finished, Diablos Nocturna then arose off her lap bearing a huge erection.

“Now perform the act of ritual tantric sex,” Sabrine Davignon said.

As Diablos Nocturna and Pope Rihanna performed the act of ritual tantric sex on the steps of The Metropolitan, the vampiress Golgotha (the daughter of Lilith) flew on top of a Cross in the Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and The Catholic Imagination Exhibit at the Met and hung there with her arms outstretched.

Meanwhile in Rome Italy, the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was dancing around the Vatican wearing a blood red evening dress and creating a huge whirlwind as she did so.

Sabrine Davignon (the immortal daughter of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft in her beautiful young maiden form and King Saint Louis IX of France from a night in which the blessed saint fell into temptation) smiled as she watched the Lady of the Dance on her smart phone (the image was being recorded by the cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus on his smart phone in Rome).

Meanwhile at the Vatican itself, Pope Francis awakened in his bedroom confronted by the sight of Beelzebub the Lord of the Flies doing up his fly on his Prada men’s suit after emerging from the papal bathroom 🚽.

And finally Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster awoke in a sweat in his lobster tank at the Set Enterprises laboratory in London.

He quickly wiped the sweat off his lobster brow with one of his claws.

He wondered, had what he saw all been a dream or was it real?

It would be some time before Michelangelo pronounced his final judgement on the matter.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 12th
2018.

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Renfield vs. The Iranian Revolutionary Guard: The Advent of Hagane-kyu

May 8, 2018 at 11:58 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Vs. The Iranian Revolutionary Guard- The Advent of Hagane-kyu

It was a day like no other.

May 8th 2018.

73 years since V-E Day – the end of the Second World War in Europe.

Donald Trump announced that the U.S. was pulling out of the nuclear deal with Iran.

Israel had hit a Syrian Army base outside Damascus killing at least 9 Iranian Revolutionary Guards.

It had also put its Armed Forces on alert in the Golan Heights expecting an Iranian military attack.

Donald Trump asked DARPA’s Dr. Faustus Imhotep to send Pan Goatee to Rome to slaughter a group of Iranian Revolutionary Guards who were planning to liberate the Vatican from the control of Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal and The Vampiric Knights-Templar (who unknown to the world had been holding it hostage since October 13th of last year).

Ahriman the god of evil of the old Persian Zoroastrian religion had sent jinn under his control to astrally block Pan Goatee from doing that.

With Goatee blocked, DARPA was up shit creek.

In Havana, Cuba, the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was meeting and drinking champagne with the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike saying that anti-Semite promoters of Jewish conspiracy theories on the Net would quite rightly blame Israel and Benjamin Netanyahu for Trump pulling out of the Iran nuclear deal.

The emerging Middle East War would forever blacken Israel’s reputation in the rest of the world, Lilith told Pike.

Trump ordered DARPA to look elsewhere when Pan Goatee was tied up in chains and ropes by a BDSM inclined Persian female jinn.

“Find someone else who will kill those Revolutionary Guards in Rome,” Trump ordered Dr. Faustus Imhotep.

When it was discovered that British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who had just been given the name Hagane-kyu (which meant “Balls of Steel” in Japanese) by a group of Japanese Ninja assassins) was in Rome, he was immediately hired by CIA operatives in Rome to kill the Revolutionary Guards.

The Guards were in hiding at the Al Capone Trident Imports and Gifts For Bugs Moran Warehouse in Rome.

Renfield went to the garage dressed as a 1920s Chicago Police Department policeman.

He carried with him the machine gun that had been given him as a gift by Oliver North the newly appointed President of the National Rifle Association.

The same machine gun of which an astral replica was made by Dr. Cadbury Rocher and carried by a Renfield holographic image who crashed the Vladimir Putin Presidential Inauguration in Moscow yesterday.

Renfield entered the warehouse and blew the Iranian Revolutionary guardsmen away to kingdom come while singing the Elvis Presley song Heartbreak Hotel as he did so.

Renfield then dropped Valentine’s Day teddy bears all over the bodies of the guardsmen.

He left singing another Elvis song, “Treat me nice, treat me good, treat me like you really should because I’m not made of wood and I don’t have a wooden heart..”

At that point, the Syro-Phoenician vampiress Astarte entered the warehouse and revelled in all the blood on the walls and on the floor:

https://pin.it/4upi5wbf32yrjo

“It’s a real blood bath 🦇 🛀,” she laughed and used her serpentine tongue to lick up all the blood.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 8th
2018.

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