Vladimir Putin’s Dream

May 10, 2017 at 4:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

After a late evening spent in his office reading Donald Trump’s tweets and laughing his head off, Russian President Vladimir Putin was starting to feel tired.

He decided to lay down on the couch in his office and snooze for a while.

He dreamed he was walking through a small museum on the outskirts of Moscow.

In the center of the museum was a huge golden samovar.

Putin approached the samovar.

The soft gentle melodious voice of an unseen woman called from above the samovar, “Come and drink, Vladimir.”

Putin noticed some classically decorated tea cups and saucers on a table to the right of the samovar.

He picked up a cup and saucer and went over to the samovar and poured himself some tea from the tap.

He then went back to the table and put some honey as well as a slice of lemon in his tea.

He then drank,

And fell asleep in his dream.

Whereupon he dreamed a dream within his dream.

In the dream, he was standing on the banks of the Little Bighorn River in Montana.

He was approached by the great Lakota Sioux chief and holy man Sitting Bull.

Sitting Bull was carrying a pipe.

He handed the pipe to Putin and beckoned him to smoke from it.

Putin did so.

The smoke was soothing and pleasant.

Suddenly a huge crying eagle came down from the sky and Sitting Bull vanished.

Startled, Putin continued to smoke the pipe and then suddenly fell to the ground.

He then dreamed a dream within a dream within a dream.

In the dream, Putin dreamed that he was back in 19th Century Russia.

He was walking along a beach on the Black Sea when he suddenly noticed a beautiful young Russian girl walking and dancing in the surf along the shore.

Russian Girl Walking Along Black Sea Beach

She was surrounded by happy cheerful seagulls.

Suddenly a screeching eagle came down from the sky and scattered the seagulls.

The girl herself vanished into the sea.

Putin then woke up from his three layers of dreams.

And sat up on the couch.

The Russian leader rubbed his forehead.

He was really going to have to find someone with the wisdom of the Hebrew Biblical Prophet Daniel to interpret his dream.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 10th
2017.

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Cyborg Sophia On The Hunt For Nostradamus

January 28, 2017 at 12:23 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The red-headed cyborg Sophia had been created by the FSB’s top scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (who used to work for the East German Stasi) several years ago.

She had served as a personal bodyguard to Russian leader Vladimir Putin.

Then Putin had given her as a gift to the rogue private entrepreneur intelligence officer Renfield R. Renfield of London’s Set Enterprises for services rendered to the Russian state.

A couple of years later Renfield had turned around and sold Sophia back to Putin for a substantially large sum of money.

Sophia was once again acting as a bodyguard to Putin.

Last night after she had done a major philharmonic recital on President Putin’s instrument, the Russian leader informed her that he was sending her on a secret mission to Paris.

She was to buy a painting (allegedly painted by Nostradamus) at a private art gallery in Paris. She was to get there before a couple of operatives hired by Donald Trump’s daughter Ivanka got there to buy the painting.

“What’s so important about getting that painting?” The Cyborg Sophia asked as she wiped a creamy white substance off her lips.

Said Putin as he put on a new pair of white jockey briefs, “The painting allegedly gives the exact date of an Islamist attack on the Vatican in Rome that will happen this year. If we can get the painting and find out the date, an elite Russian special forces division will be there on that date to defeat the Muslim invaders.”

“Do you mean to say that when Donald Trump takes office, he’ll do nothing to stop the attacks?” Sophia looked surprised.

“No,” Putin shook his head, “he’s still pissed at the fact that Pope Francis seemed to favour Bernie Sanders in last year’s Presidential election.”

“Who are the two operatives hired by Ivanka Trump to get the Nostradamus painting?” Sophia asked.

Putin smiled, “One is Dashwood Forrest the famous London dandy and the other is Mulligan the not so famous Irish zombie.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 15th
2017.

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Vladimir Putin and The Nostradamus Painting

January 27, 2017 at 10:57 am (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Russian President Vladimir Putin was getting an intelligence briefing from the Russian FSB on what the U.S. President-Elect Donald Trump was up to.

The FSB Intelligence Officer began his briefing by saying, “We owe a lot to our agency’s former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who invented an electronic receiver capable of picking up audio transmissions from the hair follicles of a red spider monkey fur toupee…”

“There are no limits to Russian ingenuity,” was President Putin’s observation.

“And those audio transmissions tell us that President-elect Trump is very interested in an oil painting that Nostradamus painted almost 5 centuries ago,” the FSB officer went on.

“I’ve seen the secret collection of Nostradamus paintings that the Hermitage in Saint Petersburg has,” Putin smiled, “It turns out we win World War III according to those paintings.”

“Yes, well in this particular Nostradamus painting, it shows the Vatican in Rome being attacked and destroyed by Muslim invaders,” the intelligence officer went on, “this particular painting was found underneath an old Coca-Cola Santa Claus drinking Coke poster in a privately owned Paris art gallery. Mr. Trump wants to buy it if it’s a genuine Nostradamus painting and give it as a gift to Pope Francis.”

“Another example of the new U.S. President-elect’s sense of humour,” Putin put a slice of lemon in his tea.

“We’ve been told by one of the more successful members of our FSB Psychic Research program (the less successful members are either dead compliments of a Red Army firing squad or else they’re freezing their asses off in Siberia) that embedded in this particular Nostradamus painting is the actual date of the Islamist attack on the Vatican,” the FSB Intelligence officer helped himself to some raisins from a dish of raisins.

“Did the psychic see what the date of the attack was?” Putin checked his Calendar and Day Planner on his smart phone.

“She was unable to make out the day or the month but she saw clearly that it was this year- 2017,” the intelligence officer answered.

“This psychic is a she?” Putin put down his cup of tea and looked with anticipation while waiting for the answer.

“Yes,” the intelligence officer nodded.

“Is she pretty?” Putin looked with even more anticipation for the answer.

“Well,” the intelligence officer replied, “Pan Goatee the famous U.S. government contract assassin and serial killer bought her a drink in an upscale Manhattan nightclub last year and then paid for a 5-day trip to Hawaii for her.”

“Wow, that beautiful, eh?” Putin smiled, “Invite her to the Kremlin to do a private psychic session for me.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 15th
2017.

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Donald Trump: Heading To The White House

January 13, 2017 at 1:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“Adolf Hitler is the most over-rated dictator ever” Donald Trump the President-elect tweeted when a New Age psychic who claimed she could channel spirits reported that Adolf Hitler’s ghost had referred to Mr. Trump’s policies as racist.

When he had finished tweeting, the President-elect went to his first press conference where he spent most of his time telling off reporters.

“You’re an idiot,” Trump said to one reporter.

“You’re a moron,” he said to another.

“You’re a total scumbag,” he blasted yet another.

“Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and good day,” Trump ended the press conference.

One of Trump’s aides handed Mr. Trump a mobile phone saying, “The President of Russia is on the line, Mr. President-elect.”

Trump took the mobile and put it to his ear, “Hi Vlad baby. How’s it going? You want to annex Ukraine and Georgia? (to his aide) Say, did Georgia vote for me or for Hillary? What was that, Vlad? Oh, you’re not talking about the state where Gen. Sherman made an entire southern flambe out of the City of Atlanta? The former Soviet republic on the Black Sea? Sure, go ahead. Most of its leaders- their last names I can’t pronounce plus they’re awfully difficult to spell.”

He handed the mobile back to his aide.

“I just read in the National Enquirer,” Trump spoke to another aide, “that a painting has been discovered in a Paris art gallery. It’s apparently a sixteenth century painting said to have been painted by Nostradamus and the painting reportedly shows the Vatican in Rome being burnt to the ground by Muslim invaders. I want you to find this painting for me. Get an art expert to determine if it’s genuine and if it is, buy it for me. I’d like to present it as a gift for Pope Francis.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 12th
2017

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Putin and The Polar Bear

November 15, 2016 at 5:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Philosophy, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Putin and The Polar Bear

Russian President Vladimir Putin had a polar bear teddy bear on his desk.

“Where did you get that, Comrade President?” His aide Yuri asked.

Putin smiled a rare smile for Putin, “A little girl in a town I visited last week gave it to me. She said to give it a hug whenever I feel stressed.”

“Nice,” Yuri nodded.

“And as President of Russia, I do feel stress,” Putin was in a reflective mood.

He looked at the globe of the world on his desk.

And looked at the map of Russia on the wall.

“I genuinely hope that we will be able to have good relations with the new Administration in Washington D.C.,” Putin touched his lips reflectively with his forefinger.

“I hope so too, Comrade President,” Yuri nodded.

Putin had a far away look in his eyes.

“Gold bullion for your thoughts, Mr. President,” said Yuri.

“What? Russian rubles are no longer good for you anymore, Yuri,” Putin laughed a rare laugh.

Yuri smiled, “What are you thinking about?”.

“About Shakespeare’s figure of MacBeth,” Putin answered philosophically, “about the 3 witches’ prophecy. Did MacBeth have to fulfill the prophecy or did he have free will? Could the witches have prophesied and then MacBeth decided not to do it? Not to kill Duncan? Did the fact that the witches prophesied mean he had to kill Duncan? Or was the prophecy just a warning of what might happen should Macbeth kill Duncan?”.

Yuri looked at his boss, “What brought this on?”.

“Oh, just something that I read that disturbed me lately,” Putin answered.

On another desk in his room, Putin’s Russian Bible was open to Ezekiel Chapters 38 and 39.

“I believe God gave us free will, Excellency,” his aide answered, “unlike what witches like those in MacBeth might tell us, there’s always the possibility of hope.”

Putin looked over at a statue of Our Lady of Fatima that a Catholic priest from Portugal had once given him.

“Yes, there is, isn’t there?” Putin thought, “Do you know where Hitler once served over in France in World War I, Yuri?”.

“No, Mr. President,” Yuri shook his head.

“At Vimy Ridge which was finally taken by the Canadians in April, 1917,” Putin said, “and it was the Vimy Ridge War Memorial to the Canadian dead that was the one Entente allied war memorial from World War I that Hitler ordered not destroyed after France fell in 1940. As if for one brief moment, Hitler felt a sense of humanity with people who had fought his nation as enemies. Sadly it was only one brief shining moment like King Arthur’s Camelot was in that song in the famous Broadway musical of the 1960s.”

“What is it you’re trying to say, Comrade President?” Yuri inquired.

Putin was silent.

He picked up the polar bear teddy bear that the little girl had given him.

“Maybe it’s not big actions that make all the difference,” Putin commented, “maybe it’s small acts of kindness, a little here, a little there, a little everywhere that truly move the world.”

Putin used the little toy teddy bear polar bear to give the globe of the world a spin.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 13th
2016.

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Renfield Meets Prince Charles

October 22, 2016 at 4:11 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Renfield Meets Prince Charles

Renfield R. Renfield had been called in to meet H.R.H. The Prince of Wales to discuss the latest failed peace treaty between Syrian President Bashar al-Assad and his opponents.

A memorandum of understanding that Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley had put together between the various parties (on a secret diplomatic mission for the British government) had collapsed thanks to help from Renfield R. Renfield.

Prince Charles was meeting Renfield to see if something could be done to rectify the situation.

As Renfield waited for His Highness inside the waiting room at Clarence House, he broke into a little song and ditty he had written and composed himself a few years back,

“Oh, I’m Charles Prince of Wales,
I’ve got plenty of tails
to help keep the women afloat…”

“Ahem,” a cough came from behind Renfield.

Renfield turned.

It was Charles Prince of Wales.

“Your Highness,” said Renfield, “I didn’t hear you come in…”

“Throw that bum out of here,” Charles directed his servants.

“But Your Highness,” Renfield protested.

Too late.

Renfield was thrown out of Clarence House.

Meanwhile Russian President Vladimir Putin was deploying the largest naval force since the end of the Cold War.

All headed towards Syria.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 22nd
2016.

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Michelangelo’s Psychic Visions For October 19th 2016

October 19, 2016 at 2:39 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Psychic Visions For October 19th 2016

Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster was in his aquarium where a bunch of psychic visions were entering his mind as he slept…

Hillary Clinton (addressing a group of cheering supporters in the New York Times Editorial Board Room): I promise my first act as President of the United States will be to nuke Vladimir Putin’s Russia…

Joe Biden (on an interview show): Vladimir Putin should not interfere in our election by saying he prefers Trump.
Russia’s leader should not be allowed to interfere in other countries’ elections.
What’s good enough for George Soros and us is not good enough for Vladimir Putin and the Russians…

Odoacer (in the year 476 AD): It’s time to put an end to the Western Roman Empire once and for all…

Vladimir Putin (in the year 2016): It’s time to put an end to the American Empire once and for all…

(Michelangelo woke up from his dreams in a sweat despite the fact that he was already submerged in salt water)

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 19th
2016.

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Rowan Atkinson Meets Brad Pitt

October 17, 2016 at 2:37 pm (Celebrities, Culture, Entertainment, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Rowan Atkinson Meets Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt entered The George and Dragon Pub wearing the same suit he wore in the film Meet Joe Black.

At a table was seated Rowan Atkinson wearing the same suit he wore in episodes of Mr. Bean.

Rowan was drinking a glass of brown ale.

“You wish to see me, Rowan?” Pitt sounded irritated.

“Do you know where we are?” Rowan Atkinson tied his tie into the shape of a daffodil flower.

“Some fucking pub,” Pitt ordered a whisky sour from the barmaid.

“No, you’re wrong,” Atkinson seemed delighted in telling the American superstar, “the fucking pub is located down the back alley- The Caligula and Orgy.”

“All right, the George and Dragon then,” Pitt threw back the whisky sour down his throat.

“Exactly,” Atkinson smiled, “where a couple of days ago, an Israeli Mossad agent died after drinking a Scotch laced with Polonium-210.”

“He deserved to die doing that,” Pitt frowned, “what an awful thing to add to good whisky.”

“The Polonium-210 was put there by a vampiress who is a staunch ally of Russia in the Middle East,” Atkinson put some vodka in his tea.

“What does any of this have to do with me?” Pitt helped himself to the bottle of Russian vodka.

“You’re a Russian spy aren’t you?” Atkinson asked the middle-aged blonde Adonis.

Pitt spit the Russian vodka out of his mouth all over Atkinson’s face.

“Thanks,” Atkinson wiped his face, “I needed that. I forgot to use aftershave this morning.”

“What makes you think I’m a Russian spy?” Pitt queried.

“A little bird told me,” Atkinson answered.

“I find that very hard to believe,” Pitt answered with the skepticism of a KAOS agent addressing Maxwell Smart.

“Would you believe Teddy told me?” Atkinson brought out his Mr. Bean teddy bear from underneath his suit jacket.

“I still find that hard to believe,” Pitt started smoking a joint of Canadian marijuana that had been personally autographed by Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Teddy whispered in Atkinson’s ear, pointed in Pitt’s direction and held up a small sign that said HE’S A RUSSIAN SPY with the arrow pointed directly in Pitt’s direction.

“I’m leaving,” Pitt stood up to leave.

He was suddenly blinded by a flash of light from a camera shot by Renfield R. Renfield who was sitting at the next table.

“I’ve caught you with your pants down, Pitt,” Renfield pulled the shocked superstar’s pants down and noticed that he was wearing jockey briefs that showed the white, blue and red tricolours of the Russian Federation.

Amadeus Emanon started playing the Russian National Anthem (which under Putin was set to the tune of the old Soviet national anthem) on his accordion and Pitt immediately had an erection.

“I see you’re standing at attention as well,” Renfield beamed, “proof positive you’re a Russian spy.”

Renfield did not take into account the sexy voluptuous barmaid in the tight fitting short skirt who was bending over to clean up a table.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 14th
2016.

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October 13th, Vampiric Knights-Templar and Russia

October 13, 2016 at 3:40 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Russian President Vladimir Putin gazed down at the document in front of him.

As he did so, the Russian leader was gripped with a profound metaphysical question.

Where he wondered, did God’s work end and the Devil’s work begin?

Well, he was about to find out.

He took a pen and signed the document.

. . .

Vatican Cardinal Walter Kasper was about to impart his apostolic blessing on a same sex marriage ceremony.

The happy couple were a pair of vampiric Knights-Templar who managed to escape French King Philip !V’s onslaught against the Knights-Templar and their grandmaster Jacques de Molay on Friday, October 13th 1307.

The pair fleeing the king’s guard were able to get themselves turned into vampires through a bite on the neck from vampiress Marguerite de Fleur de Bel.

11 other Knights-Templar were likewise bitten on the same day by the same vampiress and became vampires.

Now after centuries of living together, the romantically inclined Knights-Templar vampiric couple were about to get their union sanctioned by the Church.

Cardinal Kasper used a footnote in Pope Francis’ document Amoris Laetitia to perform the ceremony.

Bill Clinton acted as Best Man via teleconferencing and Hillary Clinton served as Maid of Honour.

Sir Elton John via teleconferencing performed his own piano melody for the occasion Smile On Jacques de Molay (to the tune of Goodbye Norma Jean and Goodbye England’s Rose).

. . .

The demon Asmodeus was smoking his 1307th cigarette of the day while sitting atop the Temple Mount and drinking bottles of Polonium-210 laced Scotch whisky just to show everyone he could do it.

“What a boastful wag,” the demon Azazel thought to himself as he planted Hell’s flag atop the Temple Mount.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 13th
2016

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Polonium-210 Will Ruin A Glass of Scotch

October 12, 2016 at 4:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

MI-6 Agent Diablos Nocturna was off to his meeting with the Mossad agent called the Controller of the Golem.

They were to meet in a pub in central London to discuss certain geopolitical happenings involving Russia and the Middle East.

When he opened the door to his room, standing there was the Phoenician vampiress Ashtoreth (looking not a day over 30) wearing a lovely pink evening dress.

She bit Diablos on the neck and drew him back into the apartment.

His meeting would be delayed.

, . .

The Controller of the Golem was sitting in the George and Dragon Pub sipping a glass of Scotch and soda.

A red-headed woman in a low-cut black evening dress and carrying a tray of pretzels bent over in front of him showing off her front assets.

“Pretzel, sir?” she smiled a smile flashing her white vampiric incisors.

But the Controller’s eyes were elsewhere, “Don’t mind if I do. I’ve also got a hankering for coconuts for some reason.”

“So does half the city of London,” she continued smiling as she dropped the vial of Polonium-210 in his Scotch and soda.

The Babylonian vampiress Lilith moved her backwards assets in a most delectable fashion as she walked away from the Controller.

The Controller sipped his Scotch and soda, screamed “El Shaddai!” and promptly keeled over.

“You see, Harold,” some constipated looking old bat of a wife nagged her sheepish looking husband a few tables away, “I was right not to let you take a pretzel from that shameless hussy. That could be you lying on the floor right now.”

“A pity it wasn’t,” the henpecked husband thought to himself.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 12th
2016

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