Miranda Singh and Renfield R. Renfield In Israel

June 7, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Miranda Singh and Renfield R. Renfield In Israel


Miranda Singh posing for Spanish fashion photographer Santiago Domingo

Miranda Singh the personal secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was currently in Israel.

Ostensibly to spy for her boss’ former employee British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who sat on the British House of Commons Foreign Affairs Commitee).

Coincidentally Renfield himself was in Israel on an official fact finding mission for the British government.

As opposed to the unofficial fact finding mission she was on.

She would eventually be using the goddess Kali’s invisibility bracelets to spy on a secret meeting between the U.S., Israeli and Russian national security advisors in Israel.

Her cover story was that she was in Israel on a photo shoot for the famous Spanish fashion photographer Santiago Domingo.

She was currently in a Jerusalem swimming pool facility being photographed.

Accompanying her on this part of her mission was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

As Miranda was sitting on a pool side deck chair being photographed by Señor Domingo, Dracul noticed a black panther swimming in the pool towards her direction.

Inclined to think such a thing suspicious, Van Helsing fired the arrow on his crossbow at the panther as it leapt out of the pool towards Miranda.

The arrow struck the panther in one of its front legs.

The panther quickly shapeshifted into a woman- who could have passed as an identical twin sister of the great 1940s French actress Simone Simon.

She had an arrow sticking out of her arm.

“Merde!” She said, “I don’t think my travellers’ insurance covers medical care costs in Israel.”

She went running out of the swimming pool facility.

. . .

“That’s so gay,” Renfield remarked as he entered Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s office and saw the Prime Minister bending over his desk with his pants down and his drawers open and being sodomized in the rear end by his newly appointed capital letter “G” (in the Alphabet Politburo of Western secular society) Justice Minister.

“Renfield!” Netanyahu’s face was ashen white, “Your appointment isn’t for another hour.”

“I knew I should have put a new battery in before I left London,” Renfield looked at his watch.

Netanyahu’s face was as red as a beet and he tried to explain, “This is my new Justice Minister whom I’ve named to avoid criminal prosecution on corruption charges.”

“I think I’d prefer criminal prosecution on corruption charges instead,” Renfield remarked as he hurriedly exited the office.

. . .

The year was 1960 and Jesuit priest Malachi Martin was watching actress Sophia Loren beating the boys at pool in a Rome billiards hall.

Father Martin who was heterosexual (unlike many of his compatriots in the Jesuit order) enjoyed watching Miss Loren play pool.

The priest looked at his watch.

He better get back to the Vatican where he served as personal Secretary to the powerful Jesuit cardinal Augustin Cardinal Bea.

Little did he realize when he got back to the office that he would be privileged to read the Third Secret of Fatima (a message delivered to three shepherd children by Mary the Mother of Jesus when she appeared at Fatima, Portugal back in 1917).

A message that both Pope John XXIII and Augustin Cardinal Bea had read.

A message that was supposed to be released to the world in 1960 but never was.

The Vatican claimed to have finally released the secret in June 2000 (11 months after Father Martin’s death) but it was only a vision associated with the message not the text of Mary’s words in the message itself.

Malachi Martin had taken an oath that day in 1960 never to reveal the Message.

Although he did strongly hint at its contents when he appeared on the Coast-To-Coast AM Radio Program with Art Bell back in the late 1990s.

And when asked by TV interviewer Merv Griffin back in the mid-1980s what was the most pressing issue of our time, Father Martin cryptically replied, “Russia and the role it plays in the future survival of the State of Israel.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Friday June 7th 
2019.

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Haiku About Dostoevsky’s Vision of Future Communism In Russia

March 22, 2019 at 10:11 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Literature, Philosophy, Poetry, Politics, Religion) (, , , , , , , )

Fire in minds of men
Blood and revolution come
Hell will replace Christ

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Renfield On Kerch, Crimea and The Sea of Azov: Let’s Get This Strait

November 26, 2018 at 11:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was currently consulting with the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill and Orson Welles and the Ukrainian vampiress Inna Hukulak to lead a commando raid of British Army Gurkhas on the Russian Navy at the Strait of Kerch to rescue two Ukrainian Navy gunboats The Nikopol and The Berdyansk and a Ukrainian Navy tug and 30 Ukrainian sailors who were seized by the Russian Navy yesterday,

In Kiev, Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko declared martial law in Ukraine for 30 days in order to put the country on a full war footing.

Donald Trump as usual was busy dithering and tweeting about “immigrants on the U.S-Mexico border” in the midst of yet another major international crisis.

He was also trying to make up in his own mind who was the nicer guy- Russian President Vladimir Putin or Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.

On November 25th, Russian Spetznatz commandos of the Russian Navy seized the Ukrainian gunboats and the tug wounding half a dozen Ukrainian Navy sailors in the process.

Russia had used a Russian ship under the recently completed Kerch Bridge to illegally block passage to Ukrainian ships seeking to enter the Strait to access the Sea of Azov.

The Ukrainian Navy vessels had gone to ask the ship to stop blocking the entrance when they were fired upon by Russian Navy ships and then deliberately rammed.

Renfield and the Gurkas would be sailing on the Dr. Cadbury Rocher designed submarine The Amphitrite II to the Kerch Strait to rescue the Ukrainian Navy ships and sailors.

The Amphitrite II was invisible to both radar and sonar.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s original submarine of this design The Amphitrite I and its crew disappeared on its maiden test.

Although a computer at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor had picked up the fact that The Amphitrite I had wound up at the U.S. Navy shipyard in Philadelphia on October 28th 1943 where it slammed into the U.S. Navy destroyer escort The USS Eldridge.

The meeting between the four in Renfield’s office came to an end when the ghost of Orson Welles received an emergency Hermes transmitted telegram from the ghost of Nikola Tesla in the underworld realm of Hades.

Meanwhile outside the Westminster Houses of Parliament, the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the Russian FSB was waiting to assassinate Renfield.

It was while she waited for Renfield on the park bench that Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing spotted her.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 26th
2018.

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From Russia With… ?

October 9, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

From Russia With… ?

Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi) had been sent from Russia With Love 💕 to James Bond 007 (Sean Connery) in 1963.

55 years later, Vladimir Putin would be delivering a message to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu using the Russian vampiress FSB Agent Svetlana Kireeva as courier.

“Well, Svetlana,” Putin addressed the short skirt and black silk fishnet pantyhose wearing vampiress while holding a Cossack warrior’s fur hat on his lap to cover up his erection, “the message you deliver to Netanyahu will be the most earthshaking any leader has received since the Austro-Hungarian Empire delivered an ultimatum to the Kingdom of Serbia back in the early summer of 1914.”

“This means war then?” Svetlana had an orgasm in her panties as she thought of all that delicious blood flowing on the battlefield.

“Not if Netanyahu accepts our terms,” Putin answered, “there won’t be war in the Middle East at any rate.”

“But there may be war at Kiev?” Svetlana asked.

“Yes if Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko insists on taking Church property away from the legitimate Ukrainian Orthodox Church (Moscow Patriarchate) and giving it to the Ukrainian Orthodox Church (Kiev Patriarchate) that was recently and illegally recognized as autocephalous by the schismatic Patriarch of Constantinople Bartholomew I who is undoubtedly a CIA agent in the pay of the Hillarybeast loving Democratic Party Deep State in the U.S. government, Kiev will be overrun with Russian Army paratroopers,” Putin plucked the strings on his violin 🎻.

“And what of Patriarch Bartholomew?” Svetlana asked.

“I intend to employ quite literal Byzantine intrigue in Bartholomew’s case,” Putin smiled like Anthony Perkins looking at a woman in the shower 🚿, “as you know it was the practice in Byzantine times to get rid of annoying Emperors and Patriarchs by poisoning their Communion wine at Mass which is probably why the Western Roman Church for centuries only allowed for Communion in one kind that being the bread (something regarded as outrageous to the 16th Century Protestant Reformers who had little understanding of Byzantine Imperial history). I shall revive this ancient Byzantine practice by arranging for Bartholomew’s Communion wine to be poisoned 🤢 when he says Mass sometime in the near future. This will give British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill something else to be angry about as they plot my own demise.”

“Won’t the U. S. respond angrily if we send Russian troops into Jerusalem and/or Kiev?” Svetlana asked as she orgasmed at the thought of eating a cream cheesed smothered bagel in Jerusalem.

“They will,” Putin admitted as he orgasmed under his Cossack hat as he watched Svetlana orgasm through her panties and pantyhose, “but U.S. foreign policy is now in disarray as a result of the only one who has a true understanding of global affairs in the entire Trump Administration U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley resigning. The Donald’s mind will be preoccupied these days as he tries to think up Tweets to come up with to explain the sudden departure of one of his sole competent officials from his Administration. When he finally does come up with an appropriate tweet in response, we in Moscow will already have taken control of western Ukraine 🇺🇦 including Kiev and Israel 🇮🇱 including Jerusalem.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 9th
2018.

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Pan Goatee Beheads More Fat Ugly Blimps, Putin’s Latvian Victory and Atlantis Discovered

October 6, 2018 at 10:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Science-Fiction, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Beheads More Fat Ugly Blimps, Putin’s Latvian Victory and Atlantis Discovered

DARPA contract assassin and genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee decided to visit a McDonald’s restaurant he hadn’t been to for a while.

He hoped that there would be no fat ugly blimps in there who would ruin his appetite.

Pan ordered the Big Mac combo and after eating it, lo and behold a couple of extremely repulsively ugly fat ugly Caucasian blimps entered the restaurant and went and sat like elephants in a booth not far from him.

After throwing up all over Ontario Premier Doug Ford (who was in Calgary to attend an Axe The Carbon Tax rally), he said to the Premier now sporting a 🤮 green (formerly black) t-shirt that said JUST SAY NO TO THE CARBON TAX, Pan said to Ford, “You really should have a t-shirt that says JUST SAY NO TO FAT UGLY BLIMPS. Fat ugly blimps are more of a threat to the world’s existence and future survival than a carbon tax is.”

Goatee after redecorating the colour of Doug Ford’s t-shirt then walked over and beheaded the two fat ugly blimps.

Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene to cut up the two fat ugly blimps into 666 quadrillion pieces and then put them into environmentally unfriendly plastic garbage bags, pour gasoline on them and then burn down a drug dealer’s house with them.

Goatee then tried to enjoy the rest of his Coca-Cola but then another fat ugly white blimp came and sat directly in front of him.

Goatee then threw up all over Alberta’s Provincial Education Minister David Eggen a member of the NDP cabinet and therefore a supporter of the carbon tax.

“I have to be fair to both sides of this question,” Goatee remarked when he had finished vomiting 🤮.

Goatee then went over and beheaded this third fat ugly white blimp.

Once again Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene and performing his usual déjà vu modus operandi that he had been taught by Pan Goatee eventually set another drug dealer’s house on fire with fat ugly blimp remains (for as David Bowie noted, “You can’t put out fire 🔥 with gasoline ⛽️ “).

Nero’s ghost played on his violin 🎻, “Burn baby burn. Disco inferno…” as the house burnt to the ground although this drug dealer’s house was no New York City Studio 54.

. . .

Meanwhile over in Riga, Latvia 🇱🇻 the pro-Russia party Harmony won the most votes 🗳 in today’s Latvian general election.

What probably sealed the pro-Russia Harmony party’s victory was the recent visit of Pope Francis to Latvia 🇱🇻 two weeks ago.

Pope Francis was denounced as a “disciple of the Devil” by Russian 🇷🇺 President Vladimir Putin in a speech to servicemen and sailors at a Russian naval shipyard last year.

After seeing Pope Francis in person so recently, the Latvian people no doubt reached the conclusion that Putin was correct in his assessment and decided to vote for the pro-Russia Harmony party.

. . .

Meanwhile over in the Atlantic Ocean, the French marine biologist, marine archaeologist and oceanographer Louis Alphonse Cousteau’s older brother Toulouse Cousteau had just discovered the lost continent of Atlantis (as his younger brother Louis Alphonse had just discovered the lost continent of Lemuria in the South Pacific a couple of weeks ago).

Both Cousteau brothers were great nephews of the famous 20th Century French oceanographer Jacques Cousteau.

And both Cousteau brothers had used the geographic coordinates used in a 36-page letter that Nikola Tesla had written in the early 1940s to FDR’s 2nd Vice-President Henry A. Wallace containing the mystical visions of a Croatian Austrian German woman mystic Maria Orsic (whom Tesla described as the true love of his life) on the destruction and locations of both Lemuria and Atlantis to find both lost continents respectively.

Toulouse Cousteau sat aboard his vessel The Calypso Beat (a former Venezuelan oil tanker) and toasted his find with a glass of British Columbia Okanagan Valley Red Wine 🍷.

The lost continent of Atlantis beneath the Atlantic waves 🌊.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 6th
2018.

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Pan Goatee’s Continuing Aesthetic Cleansing and False Flag Chemical Attack In Syria

September 4, 2018 at 10:38 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel, war) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Continuing Aesthetic Cleansing And False Flag Chemical Attack In Syria

DARPA contract assassin and genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was riding the public transit train 🚊 when he noticed a stupid looking fat ugly white blimp boarded the train with her equally stupid looking heavyset white boyfriend.

What a travesty! Goatee thought to himself.

Proof positive that the decline of civilization was upon us.

He could well imagine the great Renaissance Pope Julius II (who commissioned Michelangelo to decorate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and hired a young man named Raphael as an artist to bring numerous artistic improvements to the Vatican) rolling over in his Michelangelo sculpted tomb.

Oh well, at least this allowed him to see the direction his papal successor Pope Francis was going when he got around to kicking the bucket.

Pan Goatee realized that such a horribly and repulsively ugly looking couple would produce multitudes of equally repulsive ugly looking children.

And while the progeny of such a horrible to contemplate union would probably result in the final nail in the coffin of the ludicrous ideas of the white race supremacist theory, for the sake of aesthetics and the end of visual pollution in the world (a subject totally ignored by Pope Francis in his environmental encyclical Laudato Si), he Pan Goatee the 21st Century Saviour of the Human Race (a title that America’s Twitterer-In-Chief had reserved for himself) would have to stop such a union in its tracks.

Pan Goatee went up and beheaded the ugly looking couple.

Later when Pan Goatee was sitting on a public transit bus 🚎, the bus was about to leave when the stupid low-IQ holding bus driver stopped to let a repulsive fat ugly white blimp on the bus (a blimp who could easily win elephant hands down the Ms. Fat Ugly White Blimp Ugliness Pageant in what was a city of mainly fat ugly white blimps).

Pan Goatee immediately went up and beheaded the fat ugly blimp saying aloud the prayer, “Lord, deliver us from all ugliness.”

A prayer that had been composed by the great Renaissance Pope Julius II.

A prayer that had been omitted from the lectionary of Pope John XXIII’s Second Vatican Council that resulted in the past 60 years of bad theology and the past 20 years of lousy aesthetics in that part of the world’s population most heavily influenced by post-Vatican II neo-modernist theology.

After kicking the fat ugly blimp’s head off the bus and killing a Neo-Nazi Ku Klux Klansman with the hideous looking projectile, Pan Goatee then beheaded the stupid low-IQ holding white bus driver saying aloud the prayer, “Lord, deliver us from stupidity” – a prayer composed by one of Donald Trump’s ancestors (a prayer that went unanswered).

He then cut the stupid bus driver up into 666 quintillion pieces and put all the parts inside a non-City of Calgary approved garbage bag.

At that moment, Pan Goatee received a text message on his Samsung Galaxy smart phone from Australia’s leading poet that he should really start using environmentally friendly garbage bags that met with the approval of Pope Francis.

Oh well, Goatee thought to himself, he really didn’t have time to find an environmentally friendly garbage bag now because as one might now say of the late brainless bus driver’s remains, “Lord, he stinketh.” (A line that had been used originally by another one of Donald Trump’s ancestors- an Elizabethan-Jacobean theatre 🎭 critic after a negative 👎 review he wrote of William Shakespeare’s Hamlet).

Pan Goatee then went to another drug dealer gang controlled neighbourhood in the city and poured gasoline on the brainless bus driver’s remains and threw the bag through the window of the neighbourhood’s main drug selling house.

This caused a 32-alarm fire that burned down the entire neighbourhood and made roasted toasted very well done marshmallows out of drug gang members.

Once again Pablo Escobar’s ghost wept over the spectacle and Nero’s ghost stood there scratching his chin 🤔 wondering what tune he should play on his violin 🎻 as this had been happening so often lately, he was starting to run out of fresh tunes for his audience.

. . .

Donald Trump was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office looking immensely depressed.

He wasn’t immensely depressed because of what journalist and writer Bob Woodward had reported about him Donald Trump in the investigative reporter’s latest book.

He was depressed because he hadn’t been invited to attend Aretha Franklin’s funeral last Friday.

As such, he missed out on the opportunity to ogle Ariana Grande’s shapely and lovely derrière.

Why should Crooked Hillary’s husband get to have all the fun?

Meanwhile on the Twitterer-In-Chief’s desk, a severed charcoal burnt human hand was desperately trying to get Trump’s attention by pointing at a certain spot on the globe of the world on Trump’s desk.

. . .

Meanwhile in the province of Idlib, Syria 🇸🇾, a radical Islamist militant terrorist group (acting on the orders of Donald Trump’s, Emmanuel Macron’s and Theresa May’s intelligence agencies) was preparing a chemical weapons attack against civilians in the region to give the 3 western leaders an excuse to bomb the Hell out of Damascus in a last ditch western effort to drive Bashar al-Assad out of power.

Unbeknownst to Donald Trump, a 300,000 man Russian military force was in the Mediterranean (a sea 🌊 that Trump was unable to locate on the globe of the world) heading straight towards Allied forces aimed against Syria 🇸🇾.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 4th
2018.

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The 3 Goth Witches From MacBeth, Night Wolves and Renfield R. Renfield

July 31, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The 3 Goth Witches From MacBeth, Night Wolves and Renfield R. Renfield

Panty Goatee was disguised as a blue haired devil and had been sent by newly sworn in (and often sworn at) British Prime Minister Renfield R. Renfield on a Christmas 🎄 mission to assassinate Russian President Vladimir Putin who was taking a horse sleigh ride through Moscow’s Gorky Park.

Such was the vision that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster received from the future on his psychic lobster antennae in his aquarium at Set Enterprises.

Meanwhile future British Prime Minister Renfield R. Renfield was currently visiting the Central European republic of Slovakia 🇸🇰.

He was riding a motorcycle 🏍 driven by Polish vampiress Annaka Wyszynski.

They were heading in the direction of Dolna Krupa a village 70 kilometres (44 miles) from the Slovak capital of Bratislava.

The village (a former military base) was now the European Headquarters of the Night Wolves a Russian 🇷🇺 ultranationalist biker gang with close ties to Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The Night Wolves of Dolna Krupa were about to answer for the Novichok nerve agent caused death of British citizen Dawn Sturgess in a direct message that the future British Prime Minister Renfield R. Renfield was sending to Russian President Vladimir Putin.

If it had been a U.S. citizen who had died as a result of a Novichok caused poisoning, Donald Trump might have fired off an angry tweet about it but then proceed to kiss Vladimir Putin’s ass at the next summit meeting between the two leaders.

Renfield R. Renfield however was cut from a different cloth as the 3 Fates of Greek mythology could definitely attest to.

The Three Goth Witches in a Ghost of Orson Welles directed new European production of MacBeth could attest to that as well.

The Three Goth Witches (who coincidentally were in fact the three witches who had actually met and greeted the original historical MacBeth and predicted his fate and destiny- they were immortal- being the actual daughters of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft (when she was in her beautiful sensuous and sexy young maiden form) and the Greek god Apollo (when he was in his horny young male god emulating his horny father Zeus form) were standing on a hill watching Renfield and the Polish vampiress approach the Night Wolves 🐺 biker gang base at Dolna Krupa.

Said the witches as the moon of the planet Nibiru rose behind them,

“When shall we three meet again,
in thunder, lightning or in rain?
When Putin’s loss is Renfield’s gain
there to meet with Renfield after
Night Wolves have been struck
and slain…”

Renfield entered the base where the Night Wolves were currently at prayer.

The Night Wolves were kneeling on the floor with their foreheads touching the ground and their bums sticking up in the air.

They were praying in a northeasterly direction – in the direction of Moscow.

They were praying before huge painted icons of the late Soviet dictator Josef Stalin and current Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The call to prayer was being howled by Russian she-wolf werewolf Alexandra Goreszhenitsyn in her lupine wolf form.

As Renfield saw all the Night Wolves’ bums stuck up in the air like an invitation to Baphomet on a night when he was feeling happy and gay, he remarked to Polish vampiress Annaka Wyszynski, “It’s a Recep Tayyip Erdogan Ottoman Turkish prison guards’ paradise.”

Renfield then pulled an Uzi submachine gun out of his pocket and blew all the Night Wolves to kingdom come.

666 Night Wolves were dead in all.

The only one who managed to escape was she-wolf werewolf Alexandra Goreszhenitsyn and that was because Renfield was using gold bullets not silver bullets.

“I hope you managed to capture all that on film,” Renfield said to the ghost of Orson Welles as the spectre of the enormous directing talent directed the lighting and camera crews filming the mass shooting.

“I did,” Welles smiled.

“Good,” Renfield grinned, “Upload it to YouTube and at the end of the film credits, don’t forget to put in Russian “Go fuck yourself, Vladimir Putin you degenerate son of a motherless goat 🐐 “ and don’t forget to sign it, “Yours respectfully, Renfield R. Renfield.”

Renfield then left the Night Wolves auditorium where he was approached by the 3 Goth Witches of MacBeth who made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

When Renfield had pulled the Uzi out of his pocket, he had dropped and left an autographed photo of leather skirted dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes on the floor.

The ghost of Orson Welles picked it up.

He had once shot a film scene with Sherrielock Holmes back in the mid-1950s.

British dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (the quite literally immortal and eternally young twin sister of detective Sherlock Holmes) wearing a cocktail dress and appearing in a film scene directed by genius director Orson Welles back in the mid-1950s.

It was a brief clip he showed to a big Hollywood film tycoon and producer in hopes that Welles could get money and financial backing from the producer for a film he was intending to make about Sherrielock Holmes.

Alas for poor Orson Welles, the request was denied.

For back in the 1950s…

… Disney was not yet prepared to make a family film about the BDSM lifestyle.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 31st
2018.

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3 Hours of Darkness Over Arctic Russian Siberia

July 25, 2018 at 10:39 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

3 Hours of Darkness Over Arctic Russian Siberia

“Well, I’ve arrived back from Oxford,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield announced to his friend Amadeus Emanon as he walked through the front door of the colossal West London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set where the Transhumanist parliamentarian lived.

He had a huge smile on his face as he walked through the door.

A week of blow jobs delivered by a group of sexy beautiful young female coeds at Oxford will do that to a guy.

“Did you hear about the 3 hours of total darkness over Russian Arctic Siberia in Siberia’s far north in the Russian republic of Yakutia (also called Sakha) last Friday July 20th?” Amadeus asked between mouthfuls of hot dogs 🌭.

“I heard about that while watching the BBC News App on my smart phone between mouthfuls of Desiderata performing oral healing and Lana performing oral healing,” Renfield replied with a smile 😀 brighter than the moon.

“What do you think caused that?” Amadeus asked as he spilled mustard, relish and ketchup all over his white dress shirt.

“Well, what I was told last Tuesday July 17th at Oxford in their safety deposit box room in their Archives might explain it,” Renfield blew his nose into his handkerchief emblazoned with the Whore of Babylon on it.

“And what were you told in that room?” Amadeus asked as he proceeded to wolf down 20 more hot dogs 🌭 despite the abstract painting the hot dog ingredients were now painting 🎨 on his white dress shirt.

“I’m sorry, I’m under oath not to reveal it,” Renfield replied.

“Shit, what a bummer!” Amadeus remarked as Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had another vision of the Donald Trump-Vladimir Putin meeting as he meditated while performing yoga 🧘‍♀️ in his aquarium at the Set Enterprises lab 🔬.

. . .

As Pan Goatee was in the City of Calgary assassinating more of Justin Trudeau’s supporters in the city on orders of DARPA’s acting head Dr. Faustus Imhotep as well as someone at the highest levels of the U.S. government, he was in a McDonald’s restaurant to try their new Australian 🇦🇺 Egg and Cheese Burger as part of their summer International Cuisine Menu.

It was then that he saw two ugly women sitting with some loser of a guy in a booth at the back of the restaurant.

One was a fat ugly blimp so Pan Goatee beheaded her first.

He then beheaded the thin ugly woman who was obviously visiting the city from out of town.

As for the loser male who was dating both women in the greatest horror film ménage a trois of all time, Pan Goatee pulled out a gun and blew his head off.

Pan returned to the front counter and cash register up front as a Rihanna lookalike wearing a short skirt walked through the front door and stood in line.

“Tie me kangaroo down, sport,” Pan Goatee happily sang as he picked up his Australian Egg and Cheese burger 🍔.

. . .

Amadeus Emanon noticed the combination French impressionistic and abstract Picasso cubist masterpiece he had on his previously white dress shirt.

Just then his smart phone went off.

Amadeus answered.

It was his girlfriend Angelique Dumont the New Orleans vampiress and songstress who worked in West London’s theatre district.

She had phoned to say that she wouldn’t be able to make their date tonight.

Amadeus felt relief as this shirt he was wearing was the only clean white dress shirt he had for their fancy restaurant dinner date that they had planned this evening.

Amadeus said, “Yes, definitely some other time.”

“So, why can’t Angelique make your date tonight?” Renfield asked as he returned from the kitchen where he had made himself a tuna fish sandwich.

“She ran into a woman the two of us met last Friday in Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s office at Set Enterprises,” Amadeus explained, “The woman’s name is Panty Goatee and was recently genetically cloned in a DARPA lab. Apparently she was being forced to marry the Baphomet at a wedding on top of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem last Wednesday when she was rescued by a Black Jaguar. The Black Jaguar teleported both himself and Panty to Set Enterprises so that Dr. Cadbury Rocher could medically treat Miss Goatee for severe shock.
Anyways Panty Goatee underwent another shock last night when she had her first adult orgasm after she had encountered a blonde Adonis while sitting on the sidewalk steps of an entrance to a park. So Angelique is staying with her tonight.”

“Panty, what a most intriguing name,” Renfield wiped off his laptop screen with some tissues and a spray of Lemon 🍋 Pledge.

. . .

Persephone the Greek Goddess of the Underworld waits in a London cemetery as the midnight 🕛 hour approaches.

She’s awaiting the arrival of a blonde Adonis.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 25th
2018.

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The 100th Anniversary of The Execution of The Romanov Russian Imperial Family By The Bolsheviks

July 17, 2018 at 10:01 pm (Biographical, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Obituaries, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The 100th Anniversary of The Execution of The Romanov Russian Imperial Family By The Bolsheviks

1 AM on July 17th 1918 in a fortified mansion in the town of Ekaterinburg in the Ural Mountains, the Tsar Nicholas II, his wife the Tsarina Alexandra, their 4 daughters the Grand Duchesses Olga, Tatiana, Maria and Anastasia, and their son the Tsarevich Alexis were slaughtered by a Bolshevik firing squad.

The order to kill the entire Imperial Family had undoubtedly come down from Lenin himself.

But wisely he never officially wrote it down on paper.

. . .

Vladimir Putin poured himself tea from the samovar.

He then added lemon and honey- the Russian way of having tea- and… handling diplomacy.

To Putin, it was just a day like any other.

Nothing notable.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked to his friend Amadeus Emanon, “So the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill and I were discussing what should be done with Russia 🇷🇺 once I finally succeed in bumping off their strongman leader. We both agreed Russia should become a constitutional monarchy with the heir to the Romanov throne restored.”

“So I suppose you’re headed to Parliament to vote yes on the non-confidence motion to bring down Theresa May’s government over Brexit,” Amadeus said as he munched tea and crumpets.

“As a matter of fact, I’m not,” Renfield replied, “I’m off to Oxford University today.”

Renfield smiled as he tied his tie and walked out the door.

Amadeus sat frozen in position the next 5 minutes with the piece of crumpet only a millimetre from his mouth.

Finally he put the crumpet down and looked at the front door of the Set mansion in a state of shock.

Renfield had been yacking the past few days about the fact that if Theresa May’s government was defeated, Her Majesty the Queen might name him Prime Minister as the head of a National Unity coalition government.

So why then was Renfield skipping the non-confidence vote on May’s government (when every single MP vote counted) and heading off to Oxford instead?

“What,” Amadeus wondered to himself, “was so important about being at Oxford today?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 17th
2018.

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Pan Goatee and Pope Francis’ Nocturnal Dream of Hell

April 11, 2018 at 10:26 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee and Pope Francis’ Nocturnal Dream of Hell

Satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was riding the bus when suddenly an extremely ugly looking woman boarded the bus holding hands with a 3-year-old girl.

Exclaimed Pan Goatee, “That ugly looking woman is the one who’s kidnapped the Lindbergh baby 🍼.”

Pan Goatee grabbed his astral laser machete and cut the ugly woman’s head off.

“You’re mistaken,” said a retired college professor of American history who was riding the bus but was grateful that the satyr had decapitated the ugly looking female, “the Lindbergh baby was a boy and if he were still alive today, he’d be 87 years old not 3.”

“Wow, I guess you can’t believe everything you read on Wikipedia,” Pan Goatee remarked as he booted the ugly looking head out the door and down the street.

. . .

Pope Francis was having a dream.

He was dreaming that he was in Hell.

“How can this be?” The pontiff shouted, “I said Hell doesn’t exist in a newspaper interview I gave recently.”

The fallen angel Mephistopheles walked by reading a book called Fake Papal Pronouncements With Foreword by Donald Trump.

Pope Francis suddenly saw a scene from Alice In Wonderland.

A Hellish looking Alice In Wonderland tea party modelled on Leonardo Da Vinci’s painting of The Last Supper.

This was what Francis saw:

https://pin.it/qhirdsp2qz2wdl

“We may have to change our format for the Eucharistic Communion Service,” Francis thought aloud in his dream, “although I’ve long been of the opinion that the Liturgy of the Mass needed revolutionary change and a massive paradigm shift.”

The Mad Hatter who had the face of Walter Cardinal Kasper applauded vigorously.

The Queen of Hearts who had the face of Raymond Cardinal Burke pointed at Francis and said “Off with his head.”

. . .

Donald Trump looked out the Oval Office of the White House and asked the question, “What’s the best way to punish Bashar al-Assad for using chemical weapons against his own people?”.

A vision of Zeus holding a thunderbolt appeared in the clouds above the White House saying, “Release the Kraken.”

Trump was immediately on the phone to U.S. Secretary of Defence Jim Mattis, “Jim, do you know where I can get a Kraken?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 11th
2018.

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