Renfield’s January 12th 2023 ₱odcast

January 12, 2023 at 11:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

  • Beautiful female Russian agent listens to British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield’s Thursday January 12th 2023 ₱odcast
  • British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Thursday night ₱odcast for January 12th 2023.
  • Said Renfield, “This ₱ast Tuesday January 10th 2023, the Biden Administration announced that they will start training Ukrainian soldiers on American soil.”
  • Continued Renfield, “Then yesterday Wednesday January 11th 2023, all airflights across the U.S. were grounded for 90 minutes after a com₱uter glitch for an FAA air safety system occurred. It was the first time all American ₱lanes were suddenly grounded since 9/11.”
  • Renfield then ₱oured himself a glass of Scotch whisky live on air, “To think I’ll have to have this with haggis this coming Robbie Burns Day. Anyhow, who would have the ca₱ability and resources to bring American air travel to a halt?”.
  • Renfield then addressed senile old fool Joe Biden, “Joe, if you’re going to ₱iss in Vladimir ₱utin’s tea, then ex₱ect him to turn around and kick you in your wrinkled testicles.”
  • -A vam₱ire novel
  • written by Christo₱her
  • Thursday January 12th
  • 2023

    Permalink 4 Comments

  • Renfield’s Podcast For May 9th 2022

    May 9, 2022 at 10:18 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

    In Russia, a Russian servicewoman marks Victory Day in Moscow in which the victory by Russia and the other Soviet states during the Great Patriotic War (as World War II in Russia is called) against Hitler is celebrated

    It was Monday May 9th 2022.

    Russia was marking Victory Day in the Great Patriotic War.

    Putin said the war (or as he called it “special military operation”) was caused by NATO expansion.

    Pope Francis made a statement last week agreeing with him.

    British MP Renfield R. Renfield went on to the next item in his podcast.

    Said Renfield, “Even though there’s a war going on, Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau yesterday took his Nazi/Communist hybrid hag henchwoman Chrystia Freeland and his foreign minister Melanie Joly to Kyiv Ukraine to attend a U2 concert held in the city’s subway.”

    As the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit projected a scene on to the Kiev subway wall behind Bono and The Edge showing a scene from a zombie movie in which living dead zombies were busy looking for brains, Bono sang, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…”

    And Jill Biden gave roses to Ukraine’s First Lady for Mother’s Day.

    Said Renfield, “With all these heads of government and rock stars visiting Kyiv, the Ukrainian city is rapidly turning into the new Davos Switzerland (home of the World Economic Forum).”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Monday May 9th
    2022.

    Permalink 13 Comments

    Circe

    January 23, 2022 at 10:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Literature, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

    Circe Offering The Cup To Ulysses by John William Waterhouse 1891

    Circe
    Daughter of the sun god Helios
    And the Oceanid nymph Perse
    An enchantress living on the island
    of Aeaea
    She has turned most of Ulysses’ crew
    into swine
    She had lured the Odyssey crew
    to her island
    with her lovely singing
    While weaving on an enormous loon

    She had invited the crew to a feast
    A pottage of cheese and meat
    Sweetened with honey
    And laced with wine
    But also mixed with potion
    That turns them into swine

    Ulysses was on board his ship at the time
    As he approaches Circe’s palace
    Athena sends Hermes to warn him
    of Circe’s sorcery
    Hermes provides Ulysses with moly
    To protect him from Circe’s magic

    Circe and the potion beckons but Ulysses does not become swine

    . . .

    The streets of Kiev, January 2022.

    London private eyes Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie were on a spying mission for the British government.

    “Who has let these thousands of swine into the streets of Kiev?” Magog wanted to know.

    “They were previously NATO soldiers,” Agathor (who had taken the Kiev nightwatch to Magog’s daywatch) explained.

    “They were?” Magog was stunned, “Who turned them into swine?”.

    “Do you know your Greek mythology and your 19th Century pre-Raphaelite art?” Agathor asked.

    “I do,” Magog nodded.

    Agathor pointed.

    Magog looked.

    And standing there was the ancient Greek enchantress Circe not looking a day over 25.

    Circe started to sing as she started weaving on a loom.

    “Who is she trying to lure to Kiev with her singing?” Magog inquired of Agathor.

    “The Russians,” Agathor answered.

    “To turn them into swine?” Magog blinked.

    “No to turn them into the rulers of Kiev,” Agathor lit a cigar, “It’s NATO she turned into swine.”

    -A poem and vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Sunday January 23rd
    2022.

    Permalink 16 Comments

    Little Noticed Russian Ministry of Health Statement

    April 8, 2021 at 10:04 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

    Another BBC News announcer had been shot and killed in the intermittent
    warfare going on in the BBC news room between Neo-Stalinist Neo-Bolshevik Communists and Neo-Trotskyite Neo-Bolshevik Communists.

    If Chief Inspector Brackenreid of Murdoch Mysteries was alive today and even more importantly not a fictional character, he might put it this way, “It’s what Eric “Bloody” Blair wrote about in the Spanish Civil War all over again. The reason the Republican side lost the Spanish Civil War.”

    Stalinist Republicans and Trotskyite Republicans spending more time killing one another than killing Gen. Franco’s Nationalists.

    As such, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was stepping in once again to read the BBC News on behalf of yet another recently deceased announcer.

    Adding his own personal flourish and commentary.

    Said Renfield, “The interior of the 13th Century Gothic Saint Nicolas Collegiate Church in Avesnes-sur-Help, northern France, which sports a 60 metre tower, was destroyed by an April 5th fire. The building’s structure was not damaged although a historic altarpiece was lost in the flames.
    Police took a man into custody who was seen on surveillance camera as the last person leaving the church before the fire broke out.
    No word yet on whether the perpetrator was a mentally unhinged sex addict, a Muslim extremist or a White Supremacist with white privileges.”

    Continuing on, Renfield read, “In other news, Archbishop Michel Aupetit of Paris had an escargot and cheese fondue cream pie thrown in his face by an invisible entity. Although a Harvey Wallbanger drinking altar boy claims that the perpetrator was a 6 foot 8 tall purple coloured bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears.
    The escargot and cheese fondue cream pieing took place a day after Archbishop Michel Aupetit had launched canonical proceedings against the traditionalist Tridentine Latin Mass priest Father Marc Guelfucci the parish priest of St. Eugene et St. Cecile Church in Paris for not worshipping the Holy, Blessed and Eternal Virus Scamdemic during last weekend’s Holy Saturday Easter Eve vigil.”

    Meanwhile American President Joe Biden, who had tripped and fallen 72 times during his walk from the Oval Office door to his Oval Office desk, asked one of his aides, “What’s this Poseidon 2M39 torpedo?”.

    His aide replied, “It’s Russia’s new superweapon. An unmanned stealth torpedo that can evade coastal defences by travelling along the sea floor.”

    “Do we have one of those?” Biden asked as his fingers fell 33 times on his desk trying to reach for a pen.

    “No, it’s like the Keystone Pipeline,” his aide answered, “Environmentally unsafe.”

    “Good thing we don’t have it then,” Biden inhaled his marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Sweet Dementia’s exhaled cactus pot smoke.

    And while all this was happening, Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was talking to Peter Whitstable (the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol) via Skype.

    “Did you hear about the Russian Ministry of Health Report released today?” Whitstable asked.

    “No, what did it say?” Van Helsing inquired.

    “Well, Russia acted against WHO regulations and dissected a group of Covid-19 patients,” Whitstable pointed out.

    “Wait, are you saying WHO doesn’t allow autopsies to be performed on people who are supposed to have died from Covid-19?” Van Helsing wanted to know.

    “That’s right,” Whitstable nodded.

    “Then how do they know they actually died from Covid-19?” Van Helsing asked.

    Whitstable shrugged, “Anyways, they discovered that those people they dissected didn’t die from a virus. They died from extended radiation poisoned bacteria.”

    “Extended radiation poisoned bacteria?” Van Helsing had never even heard of such a dystopian sci-fi term, “That sounds like something produced in a Xi Jinping approved CCP science experiment.”

    “Which is probably what it is,” Whitstable admitted, “Anyways these extended radiation poisoned bacteria lead to the formation of blood clots in veins and nerves. Anyways with these blood clots in the veins and nerves, the brain, lungs and heart cannot properly oxygenate which makes it difficult for people to breathe and people die quickly with lack of breathing energy.”

    “Would this phenomenon be true of all Covid-19 patients?” Van Helsing asked, “And isn’t bacteria dfferent from a virus? And if the Russian autopsies (which the CCP stooge and puppet Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus asked people not to perform) are accurate, it sounds like what we’re dealing with here is definitely a man-made phenomenon and not some disease caused by a virus jumping from one species to another.”

    “That would be my conclusion as well,” Whitstable nodded.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Thursday April 8th
    2021.

    Permalink 16 Comments

    Putin Sings Novichok Song To Tune of Spiderman While Angela Merkel Shaves Her Moustache Again

    September 5, 2020 at 11:06 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

    Russian President Vladimir Putin recently had a needle injected into his buttocks by Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit secret agent Harvey Tallbanger (a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears invisible to all except those drinking Harvey Wallbanger cocktails).

    The serum inside the needle gave Putin the worst case of hemorrhoids in all recorded history.

    Now that Germany had found Russian Opposition leader Alexei Navalny had indeed been poisoned by nerve agent Novichok, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and Set Enterprises decided to take further action against the murder by poisoning Byzantine Emperor like Russian leader.

    Included in the hemorrhoids inducing serum was a compound developed by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher (the inventor of the serum) that made the person injected and infected subject to mind control by Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

    Renfield decided to test the compound’s effectiveness.

    Russian President Vladimir Putin had called a press conference to answer charges that it was Russia responsible for administering the Novichok nerve agent poison to Alexei Navalny.

    Towering like an Olympian Greek god on his throne high above the assembled members of the world news media, Putin sat upon three dozen soft comfortable cushions to alleviate the agony of his hemorrhoids.

    When asked by a reporter from the Uncle Ernie’s Free Press newspaper in Australia (the only newspaper in the world printed on toilet paper) if Russia was responsible for the Novichok attack on Navalny, the Russian leader proceeded to reply.

    At that moment, Putin had his mind taken over by Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

    Putin then broke into a song he dubbed Novichok (which was sung to the tune of Spiderman which was the theme song from the 1960s TV cartoon show called Spiderman).

    Putin (singing):

    Novichok, Novichok
    friendly neighbourhood Novichok
    makes your insides want to upchuck
    Look out here comes the Novichok
    Man
    Here comes the Novichok…

    Putin was dragged away by his aides before he started revealing any Russian state secrets.

    Meanwhile in her bathroom in her home in Berlin Germany, German Chancellor Angela Merkel was listening to the Putin press conference on her TV set and also desperately trying to shave off her moustache.

    Ever since her government started imposing draconian measures against its own population this past March in the wake of the Chinese Communist Party Wuhan virus pandemic, Ms. Merkel would wake up every morning with a freshly grown moustache (resembling to the exact detail Der Fuhrer Adolf Hitler’s signature moustache).

    As always it took hours for her to shave off her moustache- only to have it come back again fully grown the next day.

    The TV started broadcasting a commercial with Renfield R. Renfield drinking a glass of milk (produced by the Alberta Dairyman’s Association) leaving a milky moustache above his lips when he finished drinking.

    Renfield sang, “And wear a moustache… wear a moustache..”

    Ms. Merkel threw her hair dryer against the TV set as she started to shave her legs.

    . . .

    Down in Australia, Australian Prime Minister Scott Scott Morrison was having his home buzzed by Set Enterprises’ drones who were playing on their drone loudspeakers their own version of a Men At Work song from the early 1980s,

    “Do you live in a Reich down under?
    Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder?
    You better run, you better take cover.”

    Meanwhile in Melbourne, Victoria state Premier Daniel Andrews had problems of his own.

    A Josef Stalin walrus style moustache was growing on his left buttock and had become impossible to shave off.

    Likewise an Adolf Hitler moustache was growing on his right testicle and had become impossible to shave off.

    After 300 protestors marched against Premier Daniel Andrews’ despotic totalitarian rule in Melbourne yesterday (which sent BBC’s Communist correspondent in Australia into a frenzy of weeping and gnashing of teeth), the Victoria premier surrounded by armed police who were dressed like Darth Vader’s stormtroopers of the Evil Empire, Andrews lectured and waved his hands like a frantic madman (minus the German accent), “It is not safe, it is not smart, it is not lawful. In fact, it is absolutely selfish for people to be out there protesting.”

    The ghosts of Josef Stalin and Adolf Hitler stood behind him applauding vigourously.

    Seconds later, a rotten tomato cream pie was thrown in Andrews’ face by an invisible entity.

    Overhead Set Enterprises’ drones flew and sang,

    “Do you live in a Reich down under?
    Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder?
    You better run, you better take cover.”

    . . .

    Dr. Theresa Tam who was Canada’s airheaded so-called “health expert” was now telling people to stop kissing and also to wear a mask when having sex to prevent the spread of the Coronavirus.

    She also said that going solo when having sex (i.e. masturbation) was the safest form of sex to have during a pandemic.

    “It definitely decreases your risk of getting Covid,” Dr. Tam said.

    When asked to comment, British MP Renfield R. Renfield noted, “That while going solo in terms of sex (i.e. masturbation) decreases your risk of getting Covid, it increases your risk of becoming a pathetic and lonely loser.”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Saturday September 5th
    2020.

    Permalink 17 Comments

    Miranda Singh and Renfield R. Renfield In Israel

    June 7, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

    Miranda Singh and Renfield R. Renfield In Israel


    Miranda Singh posing for Spanish fashion photographer Santiago Domingo

    Miranda Singh the personal secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was currently in Israel.

    Ostensibly to spy for her boss’ former employee British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who sat on the British House of Commons Foreign Affairs Commitee).

    Coincidentally Renfield himself was in Israel on an official fact finding mission for the British government.

    As opposed to the unofficial fact finding mission she was on.

    She would eventually be using the goddess Kali’s invisibility bracelets to spy on a secret meeting between the U.S., Israeli and Russian national security advisors in Israel.

    Her cover story was that she was in Israel on a photo shoot for the famous Spanish fashion photographer Santiago Domingo.

    She was currently in a Jerusalem swimming pool facility being photographed.

    Accompanying her on this part of her mission was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

    As Miranda was sitting on a pool side deck chair being photographed by Señor Domingo, Dracul noticed a black panther swimming in the pool towards her direction.

    Inclined to think such a thing suspicious, Van Helsing fired the arrow on his crossbow at the panther as it leapt out of the pool towards Miranda.

    The arrow struck the panther in one of its front legs.

    The panther quickly shapeshifted into a woman- who could have passed as an identical twin sister of the great 1940s French actress Simone Simon.

    She had an arrow sticking out of her arm.

    “Merde!” She said, “I don’t think my travellers’ insurance covers medical care costs in Israel.”

    She went running out of the swimming pool facility.

    . . .

    “That’s so gay,” Renfield remarked as he entered Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s office and saw the Prime Minister bending over his desk with his pants down and his drawers open and being sodomized in the rear end by his newly appointed capital letter “G” (in the Alphabet Politburo of Western secular society) Justice Minister.

    “Renfield!” Netanyahu’s face was ashen white, “Your appointment isn’t for another hour.”

    “I knew I should have put a new battery in before I left London,” Renfield looked at his watch.

    Netanyahu’s face was as red as a beet and he tried to explain, “This is my new Justice Minister whom I’ve named to avoid criminal prosecution on corruption charges.”

    “I think I’d prefer criminal prosecution on corruption charges instead,” Renfield remarked as he hurriedly exited the office.

    . . .

    The year was 1960 and Jesuit priest Malachi Martin was watching actress Sophia Loren beating the boys at pool in a Rome billiards hall.

    Father Martin who was heterosexual (unlike many of his compatriots in the Jesuit order) enjoyed watching Miss Loren play pool.

    The priest looked at his watch.

    He better get back to the Vatican where he served as personal Secretary to the powerful Jesuit cardinal Augustin Cardinal Bea.

    Little did he realize when he got back to the office that he would be privileged to read the Third Secret of Fatima (a message delivered to three shepherd children by Mary the Mother of Jesus when she appeared at Fatima, Portugal back in 1917).

    A message that both Pope John XXIII and Augustin Cardinal Bea had read.

    A message that was supposed to be released to the world in 1960 but never was.

    The Vatican claimed to have finally released the secret in June 2000 (11 months after Father Martin’s death) but it was only a vision associated with the message not the text of Mary’s words in the message itself.

    Malachi Martin had taken an oath that day in 1960 never to reveal the Message.

    Although he did strongly hint at its contents when he appeared on the Coast-To-Coast AM Radio Program with Art Bell back in the late 1990s.

    And when asked by TV interviewer Merv Griffin back in the mid-1980s what was the most pressing issue of our time, Father Martin cryptically replied, “Russia and the role it plays in the future survival of the State of Israel.”

    -A vampire novel chapter 
    written by Christopher 
    Friday June 7th 
    2019.

    Permalink 4 Comments

    Haiku About Dostoevsky’s Vision of Future Communism In Russia

    March 22, 2019 at 10:11 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Literature, Philosophy, Poetry, Politics, Religion) (, , , , , , , )

    Fire in minds of men
    Blood and revolution come
    Hell will replace Christ

    Permalink 12 Comments

    Renfield On Kerch, Crimea and The Sea of Azov: Let’s Get This Strait

    November 26, 2018 at 11:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

    British MP Renfield R. Renfield was currently consulting with the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill and Orson Welles and the Ukrainian vampiress Inna Hukulak to lead a commando raid of British Army Gurkhas on the Russian Navy at the Strait of Kerch to rescue two Ukrainian Navy gunboats The Nikopol and The Berdyansk and a Ukrainian Navy tug and 30 Ukrainian sailors who were seized by the Russian Navy yesterday,

    In Kiev, Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko declared martial law in Ukraine for 30 days in order to put the country on a full war footing.

    Donald Trump as usual was busy dithering and tweeting about “immigrants on the U.S-Mexico border” in the midst of yet another major international crisis.

    He was also trying to make up in his own mind who was the nicer guy- Russian President Vladimir Putin or Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.

    On November 25th, Russian Spetznatz commandos of the Russian Navy seized the Ukrainian gunboats and the tug wounding half a dozen Ukrainian Navy sailors in the process.

    Russia had used a Russian ship under the recently completed Kerch Bridge to illegally block passage to Ukrainian ships seeking to enter the Strait to access the Sea of Azov.

    The Ukrainian Navy vessels had gone to ask the ship to stop blocking the entrance when they were fired upon by Russian Navy ships and then deliberately rammed.

    Renfield and the Gurkas would be sailing on the Dr. Cadbury Rocher designed submarine The Amphitrite II to the Kerch Strait to rescue the Ukrainian Navy ships and sailors.

    The Amphitrite II was invisible to both radar and sonar.

    Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s original submarine of this design The Amphitrite I and its crew disappeared on its maiden test.

    Although a computer at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor had picked up the fact that The Amphitrite I had wound up at the U.S. Navy shipyard in Philadelphia on October 28th 1943 where it slammed into the U.S. Navy destroyer escort The USS Eldridge.

    The meeting between the four in Renfield’s office came to an end when the ghost of Orson Welles received an emergency Hermes transmitted telegram from the ghost of Nikola Tesla in the underworld realm of Hades.

    Meanwhile outside the Westminster Houses of Parliament, the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the Russian FSB was waiting to assassinate Renfield.

    It was while she waited for Renfield on the park bench that Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing spotted her.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Monday November 26th
    2018.

    Permalink 24 Comments

    From Russia With… ?

    October 9, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

    From Russia With… ?

    Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi) had been sent from Russia With Love 💕 to James Bond 007 (Sean Connery) in 1963.

    55 years later, Vladimir Putin would be delivering a message to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu using the Russian vampiress FSB Agent Svetlana Kireeva as courier.

    “Well, Svetlana,” Putin addressed the short skirt and black silk fishnet pantyhose wearing vampiress while holding a Cossack warrior’s fur hat on his lap to cover up his erection, “the message you deliver to Netanyahu will be the most earthshaking any leader has received since the Austro-Hungarian Empire delivered an ultimatum to the Kingdom of Serbia back in the early summer of 1914.”

    “This means war then?” Svetlana had an orgasm in her panties as she thought of all that delicious blood flowing on the battlefield.

    “Not if Netanyahu accepts our terms,” Putin answered, “there won’t be war in the Middle East at any rate.”

    “But there may be war at Kiev?” Svetlana asked.

    “Yes if Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko insists on taking Church property away from the legitimate Ukrainian Orthodox Church (Moscow Patriarchate) and giving it to the Ukrainian Orthodox Church (Kiev Patriarchate) that was recently and illegally recognized as autocephalous by the schismatic Patriarch of Constantinople Bartholomew I who is undoubtedly a CIA agent in the pay of the Hillarybeast loving Democratic Party Deep State in the U.S. government, Kiev will be overrun with Russian Army paratroopers,” Putin plucked the strings on his violin 🎻.

    “And what of Patriarch Bartholomew?” Svetlana asked.

    “I intend to employ quite literal Byzantine intrigue in Bartholomew’s case,” Putin smiled like Anthony Perkins looking at a woman in the shower 🚿, “as you know it was the practice in Byzantine times to get rid of annoying Emperors and Patriarchs by poisoning their Communion wine at Mass which is probably why the Western Roman Church for centuries only allowed for Communion in one kind that being the bread (something regarded as outrageous to the 16th Century Protestant Reformers who had little understanding of Byzantine Imperial history). I shall revive this ancient Byzantine practice by arranging for Bartholomew’s Communion wine to be poisoned 🤢 when he says Mass sometime in the near future. This will give British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill something else to be angry about as they plot my own demise.”

    “Won’t the U. S. respond angrily if we send Russian troops into Jerusalem and/or Kiev?” Svetlana asked as she orgasmed at the thought of eating a cream cheesed smothered bagel in Jerusalem.

    “They will,” Putin admitted as he orgasmed under his Cossack hat as he watched Svetlana orgasm through her panties and pantyhose, “but U.S. foreign policy is now in disarray as a result of the only one who has a true understanding of global affairs in the entire Trump Administration U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley resigning. The Donald’s mind will be preoccupied these days as he tries to think up Tweets to come up with to explain the sudden departure of one of his sole competent officials from his Administration. When he finally does come up with an appropriate tweet in response, we in Moscow will already have taken control of western Ukraine 🇺🇦 including Kiev and Israel 🇮🇱 including Jerusalem.”

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Tuesday October 9th
    2018.

    Permalink 26 Comments

    Pan Goatee Beheads More Fat Ugly Blimps, Putin’s Latvian Victory and Atlantis Discovered

    October 6, 2018 at 10:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Science-Fiction, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

    Pan Goatee Beheads More Fat Ugly Blimps, Putin’s Latvian Victory and Atlantis Discovered

    DARPA contract assassin and genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee decided to visit a McDonald’s restaurant he hadn’t been to for a while.

    He hoped that there would be no fat ugly blimps in there who would ruin his appetite.

    Pan ordered the Big Mac combo and after eating it, lo and behold a couple of extremely repulsively ugly fat ugly Caucasian blimps entered the restaurant and went and sat like elephants in a booth not far from him.

    After throwing up all over Ontario Premier Doug Ford (who was in Calgary to attend an Axe The Carbon Tax rally), he said to the Premier now sporting a 🤮 green (formerly black) t-shirt that said JUST SAY NO TO THE CARBON TAX, Pan said to Ford, “You really should have a t-shirt that says JUST SAY NO TO FAT UGLY BLIMPS. Fat ugly blimps are more of a threat to the world’s existence and future survival than a carbon tax is.”

    Goatee after redecorating the colour of Doug Ford’s t-shirt then walked over and beheaded the two fat ugly blimps.

    Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene to cut up the two fat ugly blimps into 666 quadrillion pieces and then put them into environmentally unfriendly plastic garbage bags, pour gasoline on them and then burn down a drug dealer’s house with them.

    Goatee then tried to enjoy the rest of his Coca-Cola but then another fat ugly white blimp came and sat directly in front of him.

    Goatee then threw up all over Alberta’s Provincial Education Minister David Eggen a member of the NDP cabinet and therefore a supporter of the carbon tax.

    “I have to be fair to both sides of this question,” Goatee remarked when he had finished vomiting 🤮.

    Goatee then went over and beheaded this third fat ugly white blimp.

    Once again Krampus the 2nd arrived on the scene and performing his usual déjà vu modus operandi that he had been taught by Pan Goatee eventually set another drug dealer’s house on fire with fat ugly blimp remains (for as David Bowie noted, “You can’t put out fire 🔥 with gasoline ⛽️ “).

    Nero’s ghost played on his violin 🎻, “Burn baby burn. Disco inferno…” as the house burnt to the ground although this drug dealer’s house was no New York City Studio 54.

    . . .

    Meanwhile over in Riga, Latvia 🇱🇻 the pro-Russia party Harmony won the most votes 🗳 in today’s Latvian general election.

    What probably sealed the pro-Russia Harmony party’s victory was the recent visit of Pope Francis to Latvia 🇱🇻 two weeks ago.

    Pope Francis was denounced as a “disciple of the Devil” by Russian 🇷🇺 President Vladimir Putin in a speech to servicemen and sailors at a Russian naval shipyard last year.

    After seeing Pope Francis in person so recently, the Latvian people no doubt reached the conclusion that Putin was correct in his assessment and decided to vote for the pro-Russia Harmony party.

    . . .

    Meanwhile over in the Atlantic Ocean, the French marine biologist, marine archaeologist and oceanographer Louis Alphonse Cousteau’s older brother Toulouse Cousteau had just discovered the lost continent of Atlantis (as his younger brother Louis Alphonse had just discovered the lost continent of Lemuria in the South Pacific a couple of weeks ago).

    Both Cousteau brothers were great nephews of the famous 20th Century French oceanographer Jacques Cousteau.

    And both Cousteau brothers had used the geographic coordinates used in a 36-page letter that Nikola Tesla had written in the early 1940s to FDR’s 2nd Vice-President Henry A. Wallace containing the mystical visions of a Croatian Austrian German woman mystic Maria Orsic (whom Tesla described as the true love of his life) on the destruction and locations of both Lemuria and Atlantis to find both lost continents respectively.

    Toulouse Cousteau sat aboard his vessel The Calypso Beat (a former Venezuelan oil tanker) and toasted his find with a glass of British Columbia Okanagan Valley Red Wine 🍷.

    The lost continent of Atlantis beneath the Atlantic waves 🌊.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Saturday October 6th
    2018.

    Permalink 15 Comments

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