Renfield’s Facebook Video

December 11, 2017 at 8:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield’s Facebook Video

“What’s with the large supply of cut and peeled onions on the kitchen table?” Amadeus asked Renfield as he entered the kitchen

“I used them to make my eyes water and look like I’m crying 😭,” Renfield explained.

“Why would you want to do that?” Amadeus grabbed some onions and a slice of cheese 🧀 and put them on his toast.

“I was just reading in the paper about this boy in Tennessee named Keaton Jones who was being bullied,” said Renfield, “his mother made a video of him talking about his experiences and put it on Facebook last Friday. It has since gone viral and racked up 22 million views.”

“What does this have to do with peeling onions and making your eyes water?” Amadeus asked.

“Well a whole bunch of celebrities have offered to be friends with him and have invited him to various events,” Renfield pointed out, “including one very hot looking babe the young actress and singer Hailee Steinfeld who asked him to be her date for the premiere of the movie Pitch Perfect 3.”

“I see,” Amadeus was indeed starting to see where this was going.

“So I just made a video about me being bullied,” Renfield went on, “that I’ve posted to Facebook. Peeling the onions made it look like I’ve been crying. I also posted a link to that video on Miss Steinfeld’s Twitter feed in hopes that she’ll invite me on a date with her.”

“When have you ever been bullied?” Amadeus asked.

“I haven’t,” Renfield grinned, “but Miss Steinfeld doesn’t know that. Besides I put on a very realistic performance. The peeled onions made it look like I’ve been crying heavily and then squeezing my balls with a pair of pliers underneath the kitchen table gave me the right intense look of agony.”

“Where and by whom have you been bullied in this bullying incident that never happened?” Amadeus queried.

“I claimed I was being bullied by my fellow MPs in the British House of Commons parliamentary cafeteria for eating tuna fish sandwiches,” Renfield feigned fake tears again, “they laughed at me and called me names and said that since I didn’t have a red nose, I wouldn’t be guiding Santa Claus’ sleigh on Christmas Eve. They told me that a real Brit would eat one of Britain’s national dishes like a roast beef sandwich for lunch or at least Britain’s other national dish which is curried lentils wrapped in naan bread. Only a total loser would eat tuna fish sandwiches every day they said to me.”

Renfield was getting so caught up in his own rhetoric about this bullying incident that never happened, he was giving quite the salt water performance.

Amadeus buried his head in his hands. This would probably be yet another Renfieldian dating ploy that would backfire.

. . .

Meanwhile in Ankara Turkey, that country’s bully Recep Tayyip Erdogan was meeting with Russian President President Vladimir Putin to discuss their new moves for the Middle East in the wake of Donald Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as the capital of Israel 🇮🇱.

Hours earlier Putin had met with Syrian President Bashar al-Assad at the Russian Hmeimim Air Base near the Syrian port city of Lattakia.

Meanwhile in the port city of Lattakia itself, a beautiful young woman giantess (who days before had been a statue of the Palmyrene Empire Queen Zenobia in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea waters off the coast of Lattakia) was walking through the town.

She laughed heartedly when she saw someone holding an android tablet where a Facebook video of some British Member of Parliament who said he was being bullied for eating tuna fish sandwiches was being played.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 11th
2017.

Advertisements

Permalink 14 Comments

Krampusnacht 2017

December 5, 2017 at 8:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Krampusnacht 2017

The half-goat half-demon creature of the Christmas season Krampus (who might be thought of as the Anti-Saint Nicholas) was busy gathering up Canadian advertisers and putting them in coal sacks to carry them off to Hell as the commercials and TV ads shown on Canadian television this year of 2017 were the most depraved in history.

The advertisers vigorously objected to their fate but Krampus ignored their pleas and put them in his sack anyways.

Canada’s pot smoking and pot legalizing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau only escaped being put in a bag and being carried off to Hell by putting a lamp shade over his head and holding a sign in front of him that said I Don’t Pose For Selfies.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was pissed at the fact that the International Olympic Committee had banned his country from participating at next year’s Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang South Korea.

“You should really do something about it,” said the demon Moloch who was appearing to Putin in the apparitional form of the Archangel Michael.

“What should I do?” Putin ripped up a subpoena from U.S. Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

“Who don’t you invade Israel?” Moloch as Michael suggested.

“Why should I invade Israel?” Putin said while glancing at a Happy Hanukkah greeting card someone had sent him.

“Why not?” Moloch as Michael shrugged.

“I need a better reason than that,” Putin said as he ate a cracker with Black Sea caviar on it.

“Your influence in the Middle East will soar out of this world,” Moloch smiled, “particularly in lieu of what looks like Donald Trump’s impending announcement that he’s going to recognize Jerusalem as Israel’s eternal undivided capital.”

“You might have a point there,” Putin rubbed his chin in contemplative 🤔 fashion.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield MP was having a caucus meeting with his fellow Transhumanist MP Morgana Fay Lee (the Welsh Vampiress Morgana) the MP for Newbridge in Wales.

They were discussing the possibility of war in the Middle East in lieu of Trump’s announcement on the status of Jerusalem.

“I suppose one good thing that might come out of it is Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan might sever relations with the U.S. if Trump goes ahead,” Renfield stated, “which means that the would be Ottoman Sultan would be kicked out of NATO.”

A scream could be heard coming from the next room as a British Conservative MP accused of sexual harassment by dozens of women was thrown into Krampus’ bag.

Renfield looked at the calendar and commented, “That’s right. It is Krampusnacht tonight isn’t it?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 5th
2017.

Permalink 4 Comments

Kwan Yin Meets Hyung Grace Kwan

October 6, 2017 at 7:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Kwan Yin Meets Hyung Grace Kwan

Kwan Yin the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy walked the streets of Seoul South Korea 🇰🇷.

During her mortal life, Kwan had been a princess given to acts of charity and compassion and helping the poor, sick and needy.

She had had a few children during her mortal life.

And those children had children of their own.

And now today Kwan Yin was meeting one of her descendants the noted South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan.

“Hyung,” Kwan said as she hugged and greeted her, “I have a warning for you, your people and the world.”

“Does it involve Kim Jong-un?” Hyung asked.

“No,” Kwan shook her head, “The dark forces act like stage magicians in that they always do something to distract the audience’s attention while they get to the main part of their trick. Kim Jong-un is just a distraction. Putin is the main act.”

“Putin?” Hyung’s jaw dropped.

“Yes, Putin is being advised by the demon Moloch,” Kwan said, “only Moloch is appearing to him in the form of the Archangel Michael. So Putin thinks he’s being advised by Saint Michael the Archangel when he isn’t. And that is a very dangerous situation for the world.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 6th
2017.

Permalink 5 Comments

An Unbearable Visitor To Moscow

September 1, 2017 at 5:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

An Unbearable Visitor To Moscow

Russian President Vladimir Putin was alerted to a dangerous situation in the streets of Moscow by his Chief of Staff Dmitri Constanovich.

“What’s up, Dmitri?” Putin asked, “Is George Soros flying his bandana wearing Antifa thugs and hooligans over here to riot, assault people and damage public and private property in what The New York Times, The Washington Post and former U.S. President Barack Obama would refer to as a ‘peaceful assembly’?”.

“No, Mr. President,” Dmitri shook his head, “remember your own orders issued last month about how any plane ✈️ even suspected of carrying Soros financed Antifa hooligans on board is to be immediately shot down without question and the remains of the dead are to be fed to Siberian rats as the ultimate form of rat poison?”.

“Oh yes, I do remember that,” Putin nodded, “so what’s up?”.

“A Eurasian brown bear 🐻 has been seen wandering the streets of Moscow,” Dmitri answered.

“Alone and by itself?” Putin asked.

“Yes,” Dmitri nodded.

“Did it escape from the zoo or a circus?” Putin inquired.

“We have no idea, your Excellency,”
Dmitri answered.

“But surely this is a matter for the Wildlife Services,” Putin took off his shirt and noticed how his chest was so much sexier than that of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, “surely the glorious head of the glorious Russian Motherland namely myself shouldn’t be bothered with such trivialities.”

“But this appears to be no ordinary bear, your Excellency,” Dmitri read from the Moscow police report, “it was first found to be panhandling on the streets of Moscow without a licence though for some reason no policeman ticketed it. Then it entered several Moscow bars and ordered dozens of glasses of vodka and downed them and paid for them. Then it entered one of Moscow’s leading massage parlours and got a massage from the topless masseuses who work there.”

“Would that be the Stalin-A-Go-Go?” Putin asked as he rubbed his chest with suntan lotion.

“Yes, your Excellency,” Dmitri nodded.

“So the bear likes to drink and is horny for beautiful women,” Putin shrugged, “at least we know then that it’s a Russian Eurasian brown bear and not a North American brown bear. Those will probably be marching in Gay Pride Parades this weekend.”

“Yes, but according to one of Moscow’s leading psychics Anastasia Leninska, this Eurasian brown bear is possessed by the ghost of Grigori Rasputin,” Dmitri looked grim.

“The Grigori Rasputin?” Putin stopped rubbing the raspberry coloured suntan lotion on his chest.

“Yes,” Dmitri slumped into a chair.

“This could pose problems,” Putin looked out his office window at the storm ⛈ clouds hovering over Moscow.

Meanwhile in Gorky Park, that old 1970s Boney M song Rasputin was playing on all the radios in the park,

“Ra ra Rasputin
Russia’s greatest love machine…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 1st
2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

There’s Grigori and Then There’s Grigori

August 20, 2017 at 7:37 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Mystery/horror, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

There’s Grigori and Then There’s Grigori

The Grigori (a Slav transliteration from the Greek egregoroi meaning “Watchers”, “Those who are awake”, “Those who never sleep”, “guards”, “sentinels”) is a term used in connection with Biblical angels.

They were assigned to watch over the Earth but they fell in love with and mated with mortal women giving rise to a race of hybrids known as the Nephilim who are described as giants.

Their exploits are briefly alluded to in Genesis 6:4 and elaborated upon in the Books of Enoch and Jubilees.

. . .

The Tunguska event was a large explosion 💥 that occurred near the Stony Tunguska River in eastern Siberia on the morning of June 30th 1908.

The explosion flattened over 2000 square kilometres of forest 🌳 yet caused no known human casualties.

The explosion is generally attributed to the air burst of a meteor.

It is classified as an impact event (in fact the largest impact event in recorded history) even though no impact crater has ever been found.

The object is believed to have disintegrated at an altitude of 5 to 10 kilometres above the Earth’s surface rather than actually hitting the surface of the Earth 🌏.

And that portion of the Earth’s surface that experienced the wrath of this mysterious object’s impact was the sparsely populated Eastern Siberian Taiga.

Studies have yielded different estimates of the meteor’s size on the order of 60 to 190 metres (200 to 620 feet) depending on whether the body was a comet or denser asteroid.

Since the 1908 event, there have been an estimated 1000 scholarly papers (mostly in Russian) published on the Tunguska explosion.

Of those 1000 odd papers written on the Tunguska explosion, not one took note of the ripple in time that happened on that day.

Of course, there was no reason why any of them should.

For the effects of the impact were thought to be strictly in the air and on the ground.

There was no reason to expect a rupture (no matter how minuscule) in the space/time continuum.

. . .

Part of that mysterious object that exploded went 11 years back in time to the year 1897 and traveled to the Saint Nicholas Monastery at Verkhoturye (the town that at the foot of relatively low middle Ural Mountains is called the Gateway to Siberia from the west).

Contemporary scientists have often speculated whether primitive alien life forms could be brought to earth on meteorites from space.

The answer is possibly.

What about DNA?

Could DNA travel on a meteorite?

And what about the Grigori? The Watchers of old? Angels said to have mated with human women back at the dawn of recorded history? These angels (which were supposed to be originally pure spirit) must have found some way of composing a material body for themselves in order to be able to mate with human women.

Was there such a thing as Grigori DNA then?

Such would be the stuff for highly speculative and extremely creative science papers.

But it so happened that Grigori DNA on an object from space that fell to Earth went through a ripple in time back 11 years to the Saint Nicholas Monastery at Verkhoturye where it struck a visiting peasant pilgrim from the Siberian village of Pokrovskoye- Grigori Rasputin.

As a result of angelic Grigori making contact with human Grigori- the whole world would change forever.

Rasputin would lead to Lenin and the USSR. Which would lead to Stalin and the USSR. Fear of Stalin and the USSR would lead to the middle classes of Germany ensuring the parliamentary victory of a man named Adolf Hitler in the Reichstag.

And so on.

And so on.

All the way forward to a man named Kim Jong-un facing a standoff with a man named Donald Trump.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 20th
2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

South African Artist SAREJESS and The Ship From Hades

August 5, 2017 at 3:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The great South African Artist SAREJESS was having another strange dream.

But this wasn’t like the others he had been having recently.

The other dreams he had were somehow related to time- a dream about an hourglass being overturned by mermaids, a dream about a sundial that was able to operate at night during the moonlight, a dream about a railway watch that hung between the lovely breasts of a beautiful blonde brothel girl who worked in a Wild West saloon during the days of America’s Old West, a dream about a cuckoo clock where the cuckoo bird that came out of it alternated between the faces of Orson Welles and the faces of an Egyptian Pharaoh, a dream about a giant hamster standing atop the clock tower of Big Ben at Westminster where a cloud in the shape of Vincent Price’s face in the moonlight appeared above.

And those other dreams (about things relating to time) had compelled him to paint pictures.

This particular dream was about a picture that he had already painted.

The Ship From Hades

In this painting, he had been assisted by his two young apprentices Jody and Joshua.

A friend of his from Canada had said the ship in the painting reminded him of the sort of ship that Hades the Greek god of the Underworld would sail should he choose to sail in the 7 Seas above his netherworld realm.

In this dream, SAREJESS was aboard a modern ship.

There was a heavy strange misty fog at sea and this ship from Hades was sailing towards the modern ship in whose bridge room he was standing.

He heard a bunch of people speaking excitedly in a language that sounded to him like Russian.

Meanwhile aboard the Russian Navy ship The Saint Vladimir that was currently in the Mediterranean Sea not far from Tel Aviv on Israel’s coastline:

“Do you see it, Captain?” The ship’s navigator asked the captain of the Saint Vladimir.

“I do,” the Captain of the Saint Vladimir replied as he looked through his binoculars and saw the Ship From Hades from SAREJESS’ painting approach.

Meanwhile in his office in Jerusalem, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu read an email and then said to one of his aides, “Israel may be in a state of total war later this month.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 5th
2017.

To check out paintings by the great South African artist SAREJESS for yourself, please visit this site:

http://www.sarejess.co.za/

Permalink 14 Comments

Vladimir Putin’s Dream

May 10, 2017 at 4:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

After a late evening spent in his office reading Donald Trump’s tweets and laughing his head off, Russian President Vladimir Putin was starting to feel tired.

He decided to lay down on the couch in his office and snooze for a while.

He dreamed he was walking through a small museum on the outskirts of Moscow.

In the center of the museum was a huge golden samovar.

Putin approached the samovar.

The soft gentle melodious voice of an unseen woman called from above the samovar, “Come and drink, Vladimir.”

Putin noticed some classically decorated tea cups and saucers on a table to the right of the samovar.

He picked up a cup and saucer and went over to the samovar and poured himself some tea from the tap.

He then went back to the table and put some honey as well as a slice of lemon in his tea.

He then drank,

And fell asleep in his dream.

Whereupon he dreamed a dream within his dream.

In the dream, he was standing on the banks of the Little Bighorn River in Montana.

He was approached by the great Lakota Sioux chief and holy man Sitting Bull.

Sitting Bull was carrying a pipe.

He handed the pipe to Putin and beckoned him to smoke from it.

Putin did so.

The smoke was soothing and pleasant.

Suddenly a huge crying eagle came down from the sky and Sitting Bull vanished.

Startled, Putin continued to smoke the pipe and then suddenly fell to the ground.

He then dreamed a dream within a dream within a dream.

In the dream, Putin dreamed that he was back in 19th Century Russia.

He was walking along a beach on the Black Sea when he suddenly noticed a beautiful young Russian girl walking and dancing in the surf along the shore.

Russian Girl Walking Along Black Sea Beach

She was surrounded by happy cheerful seagulls.

Suddenly a screeching eagle came down from the sky and scattered the seagulls.

The girl herself vanished into the sea.

Putin then woke up from his three layers of dreams.

And sat up on the couch.

The Russian leader rubbed his forehead.

He was really going to have to find someone with the wisdom of the Hebrew Biblical Prophet Daniel to interpret his dream.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 10th
2017.

Permalink 2 Comments

Cyborg Sophia On The Hunt For Nostradamus

January 28, 2017 at 12:23 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The red-headed cyborg Sophia had been created by the FSB’s top scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (who used to work for the East German Stasi) several years ago.

She had served as a personal bodyguard to Russian leader Vladimir Putin.

Then Putin had given her as a gift to the rogue private entrepreneur intelligence officer Renfield R. Renfield of London’s Set Enterprises for services rendered to the Russian state.

A couple of years later Renfield had turned around and sold Sophia back to Putin for a substantially large sum of money.

Sophia was once again acting as a bodyguard to Putin.

Last night after she had done a major philharmonic recital on President Putin’s instrument, the Russian leader informed her that he was sending her on a secret mission to Paris.

She was to buy a painting (allegedly painted by Nostradamus) at a private art gallery in Paris. She was to get there before a couple of operatives hired by Donald Trump’s daughter Ivanka got there to buy the painting.

“What’s so important about getting that painting?” The Cyborg Sophia asked as she wiped a creamy white substance off her lips.

Said Putin as he put on a new pair of white jockey briefs, “The painting allegedly gives the exact date of an Islamist attack on the Vatican in Rome that will happen this year. If we can get the painting and find out the date, an elite Russian special forces division will be there on that date to defeat the Muslim invaders.”

“Do you mean to say that when Donald Trump takes office, he’ll do nothing to stop the attacks?” Sophia looked surprised.

“No,” Putin shook his head, “he’s still pissed at the fact that Pope Francis seemed to favour Bernie Sanders in last year’s Presidential election.”

“Who are the two operatives hired by Ivanka Trump to get the Nostradamus painting?” Sophia asked.

Putin smiled, “One is Dashwood Forrest the famous London dandy and the other is Mulligan the not so famous Irish zombie.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 15th
2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Vladimir Putin and The Nostradamus Painting

January 27, 2017 at 10:57 am (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Russian President Vladimir Putin was getting an intelligence briefing from the Russian FSB on what the U.S. President-Elect Donald Trump was up to.

The FSB Intelligence Officer began his briefing by saying, “We owe a lot to our agency’s former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who invented an electronic receiver capable of picking up audio transmissions from the hair follicles of a red spider monkey fur toupee…”

“There are no limits to Russian ingenuity,” was President Putin’s observation.

“And those audio transmissions tell us that President-elect Trump is very interested in an oil painting that Nostradamus painted almost 5 centuries ago,” the FSB officer went on.

“I’ve seen the secret collection of Nostradamus paintings that the Hermitage in Saint Petersburg has,” Putin smiled, “It turns out we win World War III according to those paintings.”

“Yes, well in this particular Nostradamus painting, it shows the Vatican in Rome being attacked and destroyed by Muslim invaders,” the intelligence officer went on, “this particular painting was found underneath an old Coca-Cola Santa Claus drinking Coke poster in a privately owned Paris art gallery. Mr. Trump wants to buy it if it’s a genuine Nostradamus painting and give it as a gift to Pope Francis.”

“Another example of the new U.S. President-elect’s sense of humour,” Putin put a slice of lemon in his tea.

“We’ve been told by one of the more successful members of our FSB Psychic Research program (the less successful members are either dead compliments of a Red Army firing squad or else they’re freezing their asses off in Siberia) that embedded in this particular Nostradamus painting is the actual date of the Islamist attack on the Vatican,” the FSB Intelligence officer helped himself to some raisins from a dish of raisins.

“Did the psychic see what the date of the attack was?” Putin checked his Calendar and Day Planner on his smart phone.

“She was unable to make out the day or the month but she saw clearly that it was this year- 2017,” the intelligence officer answered.

“This psychic is a she?” Putin put down his cup of tea and looked with anticipation while waiting for the answer.

“Yes,” the intelligence officer nodded.

“Is she pretty?” Putin looked with even more anticipation for the answer.

“Well,” the intelligence officer replied, “Pan Goatee the famous U.S. government contract assassin and serial killer bought her a drink in an upscale Manhattan nightclub last year and then paid for a 5-day trip to Hawaii for her.”

“Wow, that beautiful, eh?” Putin smiled, “Invite her to the Kremlin to do a private psychic session for me.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 15th
2017.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Donald Trump: Heading To The White House

January 13, 2017 at 1:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“Adolf Hitler is the most over-rated dictator ever” Donald Trump the President-elect tweeted when a New Age psychic who claimed she could channel spirits reported that Adolf Hitler’s ghost had referred to Mr. Trump’s policies as racist.

When he had finished tweeting, the President-elect went to his first press conference where he spent most of his time telling off reporters.

“You’re an idiot,” Trump said to one reporter.

“You’re a moron,” he said to another.

“You’re a total scumbag,” he blasted yet another.

“Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and good day,” Trump ended the press conference.

One of Trump’s aides handed Mr. Trump a mobile phone saying, “The President of Russia is on the line, Mr. President-elect.”

Trump took the mobile and put it to his ear, “Hi Vlad baby. How’s it going? You want to annex Ukraine and Georgia? (to his aide) Say, did Georgia vote for me or for Hillary? What was that, Vlad? Oh, you’re not talking about the state where Gen. Sherman made an entire southern flambe out of the City of Atlanta? The former Soviet republic on the Black Sea? Sure, go ahead. Most of its leaders- their last names I can’t pronounce plus they’re awfully difficult to spell.”

He handed the mobile back to his aide.

“I just read in the National Enquirer,” Trump spoke to another aide, “that a painting has been discovered in a Paris art gallery. It’s apparently a sixteenth century painting said to have been painted by Nostradamus and the painting reportedly shows the Vatican in Rome being burnt to the ground by Muslim invaders. I want you to find this painting for me. Get an art expert to determine if it’s genuine and if it is, buy it for me. I’d like to present it as a gift for Pope Francis.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 12th
2017

Permalink Leave a Comment

Next page »