Renfield’s Skating Party
Renfield’s Skating Party
After having spent the previous night on the Norwegian island of Spitsbergen, British MP Renfield R. Renfield returned to his constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds to begin his last week of campaigning before next week’s UK General Election.
Tonight he would be hosting a skating party with hot chocolate and marshmallows on a skating pond not far from the town of Tewkesbury.
“It will be nice to see you on skates,” Angelique Dumont remarked to Renfield.
“Actually I won’t be skating,” Renfield said, “I’ll be standing at the back of a one horse open sleigh and handing out cups of hot chocolate and marshmallows to constituents.”
“But we told the local papers you’ll be skating to the music of Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake when it is played on the pond’s speakers,” Amadeus noted.
“Why the heck did you do that?” Asked Renfield as he turned pale.
“You had once told a Russian ballerina back in the summer of 2016 when you were reading Hillary Clinton’s emails with her at the Russian Underground Spy Academy in Kiev that you had once skated to the music of Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake,” Amadeus pointed out.
“But I just said that to impress her,” Renfield protested, “I don’t know how to skate.”
“Well, this should prove interesting,” Angelique commented.
Later down at the frozen pond, Amadeus and Angelique pushed Renfield on his skates to get him started.
Renfield went screaming and flying and skated straight into a bunch of American CIA agents sent to assassinate him.
He took all the assassins out with one blow as he sent them flying into the snow bank.
Angelique and Amadeus then got Renfield back up and sent him skating again.
Likewise the ineptly skating Renfield skated straight into a bunch of Russian FSB agents sent to assassinate him taking them all out with one blow as he sent them flying into another snow bank.
Angelique and Amadeus once again got Renfield back up on his skates and pushed him on to the ice again.
This time the ineptly skating Renfield skated straight into a group of Vatican based Jesuit assassins and likewise took them all out with one blow sending them flying straight into a snow bank.
“Bravo! Bravo! Great performance!” The spectators applauded thinking that Renfield’s botched skating attempt of Swan Lake and the botched assassination attempts were all a pre-planned part of the show.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 7th
2019.
Renfield Catches A Los Angeles Newscast On Satellite TV
Renfield Catches A Los Angeles Newscast On Satellite TV
Renfield R. Renfield was in the Bavarian city of Munich.
He was in Munich because he had heard that the Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the Russian FSB was in the city to buy some antique Bavarian beer mugs to add to her boss Russian President Vladimir Putin’s collection .
Apparently the Russian leader liked to drink his Russian tea with lemon in it out of authentic Bavarian beer mugs (in contrast to a predecessor Russian President Boris Yeltsin who drank Russian vodka out of Russian tea cups while addressing the nation on national television).
Entire samovars were emptied just to fill one of the Russian leader’s large Bavarian beer mugs with tea.
The rest of the Russian cabinet meeting in the Kremlin meeting room had to wait for the samovar to be filled and the water brought to a boil again to have their cups filled with tea.
Renfield was going to abduct the Russian Vampiress while she was out hunting for Bavarian beer mugs.
Renfield happened to have satellite TV in his Munich hotel room.
He looked at his watch and noted the 10 PM Evening News was probably about to start in the Los Angeles California time zone.
Renfield liked watching the 10 PM Local Evening News from Los Angeles because they always had such totally different lead news stories from anywhere else on the planet.
Renfield turned on the TV.
The TV showed a street at night.
A small boy was riding a tricycle on the sidewalk.
Suddenly both boy and tricycle were caught in a flood of car head beams and flashing lights and the sound of police sirens could also be heard.
Commanding authoritative male voice (speaking through bullhorn megaphone) : Step away from the tricycle and place your hands in the air.
The boy-about 3 or 4 years of age- blinks quizzically in the direction of the head beam lights and says “Huh?”.
Suddenly a hail of bullets and gunfire breaks out and the boy’s white shirt turns blood red and the boy falls backwards off his tricycle and falls to the ground dead.
Voice of TV News Announcer: The police shooting video posted online that has sparked outrage among users of social media…
… coming up on KTLA Channel 5 News at 10…
( The KTLA Channel 5 News at 10 logo is then show on the TV screen)
Renfield (scratching his chin) : Hm. That’s interesting.
He shuts the TV off and heads out of the room to begin his assignment.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 8th
2014.
Special Guest In Tel Aviv
Special Guest In Tel Aviv
The Controller of The Golem waited at the Tel Aviv International Airport for a special guest to arrive by plane.
The guest had originally been flown to a secret military base in Israel and then transferred to a civilian plane.
The special guest was Ukrainian Vampiress Inna Huculak who had been held prisoner in an FSB interrogation center in Moscow for over a month.
The Controller of the Golem had discovered that Miss Huculak had held information that was of vital importance to Israel’s national security vis-a-vis Russia’s intentions for the Middle East.
So Israeli commandos had flown to Russia in the Israeli Air Force’s most advanced plane (one that was able to evade all forms of radar detection) and had stormed the FSB interrogation center (much to the surprise of FSB interrogators) and rescued Miss Huculak.
The Controller of The Golem was sure that Miss Huculak would find the Israelis to be much more amenable hosts to a Ukrainian national nationalist than Vladimir Putin’s Russians were.
. . .
When Russian President Vladimir Putin heard the news about Ukrainian Vampiress Inna Huculak’s rescue by the Israelis, he pounded the table.
“Damn Jews!” He exclaimed as he sent his lox and cream cheese bagel back to Tevhe’s Delicatessen in Moscow for not having enough cream cheese on it.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 12th
2014.
America’s Latest Secret Weapon
“You’re looking pretty pleased with yourself,” Amadeus remarked to Renfield.
“I’m up to my old tricks again,” Renfield grinned, “there’s an emergency meeting of the Russian cabinet in the Kremlin over an explosive new revelation found in the leaked Edward Snowden files. So I hacked into the Kremlin computer and inserted my own explosive revelation. Heh! Heh! Heh!”
“Renfield, what did you do?” Amadeus said as he sat down at the piano to play a little night music during the daytime.
. . .
Russian President Vladimir Putin looked pensive and concerned as did the members of his cabinet as they sat down at the large conference table in one of the Kremlin meeting halls.
“Gentlemen,” the head of Russia’s FSB Intelligence and Espionage Service spoke with great solemnity, “I give you America’s latest secret weapon.”
He turned on the projector and projected a large photographic image on to the screen in front of them.
Gasps of shock and horror were heard around the conference table.
“Even Ronald Reagan would never have done this,” wept a longtime Kremlin official whose years of service went back to the days of the Cold War.
There on the screen was a larger than life photograph…
… of Arizona Sen. John McCain in the nude.
“Well,” Vladimir Putin pushed aside his plate of caviar, “there goes my lunch.”
. . .
On the television screen was the face of CNN’s Anderson Cooper, “Does America’s latest secret weapon involve causing people to lose their appetite? Details on this story later tonight…”
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday afternoon
July 10th 2013
Dracul Van Helsing 