Vladimir Putin’s Dream
After a late evening spent in his office reading Donald Trump’s tweets and laughing his head off, Russian President Vladimir Putin was starting to feel tired.
He decided to lay down on the couch in his office and snooze for a while.
He dreamed he was walking through a small museum on the outskirts of Moscow.
In the center of the museum was a huge golden samovar.
Putin approached the samovar.
The soft gentle melodious voice of an unseen woman called from above the samovar, “Come and drink, Vladimir.”
Putin noticed some classically decorated tea cups and saucers on a table to the right of the samovar.
He picked up a cup and saucer and went over to the samovar and poured himself some tea from the tap.
He then went back to the table and put some honey as well as a slice of lemon in his tea.
He then drank,
And fell asleep in his dream.
Whereupon he dreamed a dream within his dream.
In the dream, he was standing on the banks of the Little Bighorn River in Montana.
He was approached by the great Lakota Sioux chief and holy man Sitting Bull.
Sitting Bull was carrying a pipe.
He handed the pipe to Putin and beckoned him to smoke from it.
Putin did so.
The smoke was soothing and pleasant.
Suddenly a huge crying eagle came down from the sky and Sitting Bull vanished.
Startled, Putin continued to smoke the pipe and then suddenly fell to the ground.
He then dreamed a dream within a dream within a dream.
In the dream, Putin dreamed that he was back in 19th Century Russia.
He was walking along a beach on the Black Sea when he suddenly noticed a beautiful young Russian girl walking and dancing in the surf along the shore.
She was surrounded by happy cheerful seagulls.
Suddenly a screeching eagle came down from the sky and scattered the seagulls.
The girl herself vanished into the sea.
Putin then woke up from his three layers of dreams.
And sat up on the couch.
The Russian leader rubbed his forehead.
He was really going to have to find someone with the wisdom of the Hebrew Biblical Prophet Daniel to interpret his dream.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 10th
2017.
Vladimir Putin and The Nostradamus Painting
Russian President Vladimir Putin was getting an intelligence briefing from the Russian FSB on what the U.S. President-Elect Donald Trump was up to.
The FSB Intelligence Officer began his briefing by saying, “We owe a lot to our agency’s former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who invented an electronic receiver capable of picking up audio transmissions from the hair follicles of a red spider monkey fur toupee…”
“There are no limits to Russian ingenuity,” was President Putin’s observation.
“And those audio transmissions tell us that President-elect Trump is very interested in an oil painting that Nostradamus painted almost 5 centuries ago,” the FSB officer went on.
“I’ve seen the secret collection of Nostradamus paintings that the Hermitage in Saint Petersburg has,” Putin smiled, “It turns out we win World War III according to those paintings.”
“Yes, well in this particular Nostradamus painting, it shows the Vatican in Rome being attacked and destroyed by Muslim invaders,” the intelligence officer went on, “this particular painting was found underneath an old Coca-Cola Santa Claus drinking Coke poster in a privately owned Paris art gallery. Mr. Trump wants to buy it if it’s a genuine Nostradamus painting and give it as a gift to Pope Francis.”
“Another example of the new U.S. President-elect’s sense of humour,” Putin put a slice of lemon in his tea.
“We’ve been told by one of the more successful members of our FSB Psychic Research program (the less successful members are either dead compliments of a Red Army firing squad or else they’re freezing their asses off in Siberia) that embedded in this particular Nostradamus painting is the actual date of the Islamist attack on the Vatican,” the FSB Intelligence officer helped himself to some raisins from a dish of raisins.
“Did the psychic see what the date of the attack was?” Putin checked his Calendar and Day Planner on his smart phone.
“She was unable to make out the day or the month but she saw clearly that it was this year- 2017,” the intelligence officer answered.
“This psychic is a she?” Putin put down his cup of tea and looked with anticipation while waiting for the answer.
“Yes,” the intelligence officer nodded.
“Is she pretty?” Putin looked with even more anticipation for the answer.
“Well,” the intelligence officer replied, “Pan Goatee the famous U.S. government contract assassin and serial killer bought her a drink in an upscale Manhattan nightclub last year and then paid for a 5-day trip to Hawaii for her.”
“Wow, that beautiful, eh?” Putin smiled, “Invite her to the Kremlin to do a private psychic session for me.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 15th
2017.
Putin and The Polar Bear
Putin and The Polar Bear
Russian President Vladimir Putin had a polar bear teddy bear on his desk.
“Where did you get that, Comrade President?” His aide Yuri asked.
Putin smiled a rare smile for Putin, “A little girl in a town I visited last week gave it to me. She said to give it a hug whenever I feel stressed.”
“Nice,” Yuri nodded.
“And as President of Russia, I do feel stress,” Putin was in a reflective mood.
He looked at the globe of the world on his desk.
And looked at the map of Russia on the wall.
“I genuinely hope that we will be able to have good relations with the new Administration in Washington D.C.,” Putin touched his lips reflectively with his forefinger.
“I hope so too, Comrade President,” Yuri nodded.
Putin had a far away look in his eyes.
“Gold bullion for your thoughts, Mr. President,” said Yuri.
“What? Russian rubles are no longer good for you anymore, Yuri,” Putin laughed a rare laugh.
Yuri smiled, “What are you thinking about?”.
“About Shakespeare’s figure of MacBeth,” Putin answered philosophically, “about the 3 witches’ prophecy. Did MacBeth have to fulfill the prophecy or did he have free will? Could the witches have prophesied and then MacBeth decided not to do it? Not to kill Duncan? Did the fact that the witches prophesied mean he had to kill Duncan? Or was the prophecy just a warning of what might happen should Macbeth kill Duncan?”.
Yuri looked at his boss, “What brought this on?”.
“Oh, just something that I read that disturbed me lately,” Putin answered.
On another desk in his room, Putin’s Russian Bible was open to Ezekiel Chapters 38 and 39.
“I believe God gave us free will, Excellency,” his aide answered, “unlike what witches like those in MacBeth might tell us, there’s always the possibility of hope.”
Putin looked over at a statue of Our Lady of Fatima that a Catholic priest from Portugal had once given him.
“Yes, there is, isn’t there?” Putin thought, “Do you know where Hitler once served over in France in World War I, Yuri?”.
“No, Mr. President,” Yuri shook his head.
“At Vimy Ridge which was finally taken by the Canadians in April, 1917,” Putin said, “and it was the Vimy Ridge War Memorial to the Canadian dead that was the one Entente allied war memorial from World War I that Hitler ordered not destroyed after France fell in 1940. As if for one brief moment, Hitler felt a sense of humanity with people who had fought his nation as enemies. Sadly it was only one brief shining moment like King Arthur’s Camelot was in that song in the famous Broadway musical of the 1960s.”
“What is it you’re trying to say, Comrade President?” Yuri inquired.
Putin was silent.
He picked up the polar bear teddy bear that the little girl had given him.
“Maybe it’s not big actions that make all the difference,” Putin commented, “maybe it’s small acts of kindness, a little here, a little there, a little everywhere that truly move the world.”
Putin used the little toy teddy bear polar bear to give the globe of the world a spin.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 13th
2016.
Turks In Jarablus Syria
Turks In Jarablus Syria
Turkish forces had crossed the Turkish-Syrian border into Syria to attack the town of Jarablus.
Ostensibly Turkey claimed it had done so to wipe out ISIS forces in charge of the town.
The western news media backed Turkey’s claim.
As Russian President Vladimir Putin watched the Turkish incursion into Syria on television, he did not believe the claim.
ISIS had been cleared from the town earlier this year by Russian planes and Syrian government troops.
Putin realized that now was the time to set in motion Operation Justinian.
He was glad he had visited the Mount Athos Monastery a few months back.
For Operation Justinian would require supernatural help.
Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras received a phone call from Moscow.
Although Prime Minister Tsipras being an atheistic Marxist did not believe in the existence of the Supernatural, he thought Operation Justinian was a good idea.
In his colossal London mansion, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was on the phone discussing events in Syria with the mysterious individual who called himself Robur the Conquerer (after Jules Verne’s character).
“You’re right,” Set agreed and motioned to his butler and valet Athelstan to bring him a pen, “we should set those events in motion now.”
Meanwhile on the ground outside Jarablus, Turkish soldiers noticed the ground moving up and down in mysterious fashion.
“Do you see those sand dunes moving up and down?” One soldier asked another.
“Yes,” the other soldier nodded.
Then emerged from the sandy ground were men who were half-man and half-fish (mermen -the top part was human, the bottom part was fish).
The mermen carried machine guns with them and proceeded to wipe out the Turkish troops.
Flying high above the sight was the individual Robur The Conquerer who watched the scene unfolding below.
He quietly drank a glass of bourbon mixed with human blood.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 7th
2016.
Five Fingers of Death: The Black Hand and Writing On The Wall
Five Fingers of Death: The Black Hand and Writing On The Wall
“The moving finger writes and having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a line,
Nor all thy tears wash out a Word of it.”
-The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam
. . .
The Turkish diplomat walked the streets of Moscow.
He wrapped his scarf around his face as much to hide himself as to keep out the Russian cold.
It had been a hectic couple of days ever since Turkey had shot down a Russian plane.
The diplomat was struggling to ensure that the incident didn’t lead to the outbreak of war.
He stood looking at the view of the Kremlin from his vantage point.
The diplomat suddenly felt a tapping on his shoe.
He looked down and saw a severed charcoal burnt Black Hand.
The Black Hand crawled up his pants and then up his jacket and then proceeded to strangle him with his scarf.
The diplomat fell to the ground quite dead.
The Black Hand then grabbed a Samsung Galaxy 6 Smart Phone from a shocked tourist (who ran away after the phone was grabbed not wanting to argue with a moving severed hand) and took a photo of the dead Turkish diplomat on the ground with the walls of the Kremlin as a backdrop.
It then posted the photo on Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s Facebook page with the inscription written in both Turkish and Russian, “Go fuck yourself, you syphilis infested running dog of Turkey.”
And then signed it,
“Yours respectfully,
Vladimir Putin.”
The Black Hand then pulled down the Turkish diplomat’s pants and undershorts.
The hand then interrupted a mugging on a nearby Moscow street corner to grab the mugger’s large butcher knife.
Both would-be mugger and would-be victim fled at the sight of the severed charcoal burnt Black Hand carrying the knife down the street.
The Black Hand then returned to the slain Turkish diplomat and cut off his penis.
It then stuck the penis in the Turkish diplomat’s mouth and once again took another photo with the Samsung Galaxy 6 Smart Phone.
It then posted the photo to Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s Twitter account with the message, “Chew on this for awhile you mongrelized motherfucker” adding the hash tag
#CaitlynJennerWannabe.
The hand then grabbed the penis and crawled into a nearby Moscow post office.
It helped itself to some postage stamps, an envelope and some string.
It put the diplomat’s penis in the envelope, grabbed some glue, sealed the envelope, attached the appropriate postage and then grabbed a pen and addressed the envelope to
Recep Tayyip Erdogan
Chief Eunuch
Turkish Presidential Palace
Ankara, Turkey
And then wrote a notation on the back of the envelope in Turkish:
Attention Erdogan:
Now you have one.
It then dropped the appropriately addressed and proper postage stamped envelope into a nearby mail box.
All in all a good day’s work for the severed charcoal burnt Black Hand who had been causing trouble throughout the world ever since the Battle of Kosovo in 1389.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 25th
2015.
Lilith-Belfor Axis To Destroy Israel
Lilith-Belfor Axis To Destroy Israel
The sight was somewhat unusual.
A beautiful red headed woman wearing a green evening dress walking alongside a man who looked the part of what a middle-aged Mormon missionary suffering a mid-life crisis might look like if he was trying to recapture the glory days of his youth.
The background was even more unusual.
It was the bombed out remnants of a Syrian town recently hit by Russian war planes.
Back in Washington D.C., U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry was pulling his hair out over the possibility of World War III breaking out in Syria.
A Kerry aide was already on the line trying to get hold of Donald Trump to see what colour of spider monkeys’ fur the Republican Party Presidential front runner used for his hair pieces.
Another Kerry aide was trying to get hold of President Obama to stop the outbreak of World War III.
But President Obama was already on another line trying to deal with what he considered a far more pressing issue- trying to arrange a diplomatic tete a tete between Sir Elton John and Russian President Vladimir Putin to resolve their differences on the issue of gay rights.
Meanwhile back in the bombed out ruins of the Syrian town, the woman in the green evening dress spoke to the middle-aged Mormon missionary looking man who looked to be suffering a mid-life crisis.
“Well,” the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith asked, “what do you think?”.
“Well,” CIA agent Bob Belfor answered, “it looks like the Russian Air Force have inflicted damage unlike our Air Force when we hit Islamic State targets. The only time we get it right on target on IS is when we’re supposed to be dropping supplies to our allies and we end up dropping them safe and intact into Islamic State hands by mistake.”
“Yes, you Americans seem to be bungling this war quite nicely,” Lilith looked around.
“We try our best,” Belfor smiled.
“But the reason I called you here,” Lilith drew closer to Belfor, “is can you arrange an incident to happen between Russia and the Israelis?”.
Lilith had made it her life long vampiric mission to destroy the nation of Israel ever since rabbinic commentators had slandered her good name in the Babylonian Talmud.
As for the mid-life crisis suffering CIA agent Bob Belfor, he wasn’t too pleased with the Israelis either ever since the Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem had referred to him Bob Belfor as a “total jackass” at an international secret agents’ cocktail party in Geneva 5 years ago.
“I think,” Bob Belfor grinned, “that can be arranged.”
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 30th
2015.
Baltimore and The End of America
Baltimore and The End of America
Russian President Vladimir Putin and the Babylonian Vampiress Lilith were watching the Baltimore riots on television.
“A house divided against itself cannot stand,” Putin recalled Abraham Lincoln’s words as he watched the riots unfold on the TV screen.
“Yes,” the Vampiress Lilith nodded as she stood in her green silk evening dress, “you’ve already won the Third World War, Vladimir. No need for you to destroy America. America has already destroyed itself from within.”
Putin chewed his fingernails as he reflected on Lilith’s words.
“You could if you want to,” Lilith said, “move and take not only eastern Ukraine but also Kiev itself and all of Ukraine. You could take all of Central and Eastern Europe and even Germany itself. And establish a new European wide Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. And America would do nothing.”
Putin looked at Lilith.
“America would do nothing,” Lilith reiterated, “Oh, Arizona Sen. John McCain would probably give a speech in the U.S. Senate in which he’d go totally ballistic. U. S. President Barack Obama would probably make a guest appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live (shutting down LA streets and freeways in the Presidential motorcade process pissing off and making irate loads of LA motorists) and say what a nasty unpleasant fellow that Vladimir Putin is while the audience applauds and Jimmy Kimmel checks his live tweet updates. Bruce Jenner will issue a statement saying that he won’t be seeking any transgender treatments in Russia. And Kim Kardashian will moon the Russian Ambassador in Washington DC. But other than that, America will do nothing.”
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 28th
2015.
Earth Day Is Lenin’s Birthday
Earth Day Is Lenin’s Birthday
As a wired journalist for WIRED Magazine (he had drunk 20 cups of coffee while sitting in a Starbucks cafe that had 20 screaming children who had drunk too many chocolate sprinkled cappuccinos) wrote in an online article that the biggest threat to the Earth was “we have too many kids”, the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith and ancient Babel’s ruler Nimrod (who had turned into a frog as a result of a Vampiress’ kiss gone awry) were spending Earth Day in Moscow.
The Vampiress Lilith was having an important meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Nimrod would not be attending the meeting as President Putin did not talk to frogs.
The Russian leader had developed a severe allergy to frogs’ legs after a bad case of food poisoning on a disastrous holiday trip on the Black Sea many many years ago.
So Nimrod decided he would spend the time visiting Lenin’s Tomb in Moscow.
As Nimrod stared through the glass at the embalmed body of Lenin, Lenin’s corpse sat up momentarily and sang “Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me!” for of course Earth Day was the same day as Lenin’s birthday.
And today was Lenin’s 145th birthday.
“Where’s my birthday cake and candles?” Lenin shouted.
“I’m sorry,” apologized an old Soviet Red Army soldier who had stood guard at Lenin’s tomb since the very first Earth Day was held on this date back in 1970, “but a birthday cake with that many candles on it- 145- would violate the City of Moscow’s Fire Code.”
“Bloody bureaucratic regulations!” cursed the man who had founded the all-encompassing bureaucratic Soviet state.
The Soviet Union’s founder foamed at the mouth and promptly died again.
“Wow, I just saw Lenin’s corpse sit up and sing Happy Birthday to himself,” Nimrod the frog remarked as he left the Lenin Mausoleum.
“Wow, I just saw a talking frog,” said one vodka drinking Russian man who swore off vodka for life after this strange encounter.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 22nd
2015.
Lilith In Cyprus
Lilith In Cyprus
The Israeli Mossad agent called the Controller of The Golem was on the island of Cyprus.
Russian President Vladimir Putin had signed an agreement with Cypriot President Nicos Anastasiades to grant Russia’s Navy access to Cypriot ports.
They were also negotiating the possibility of Russia using an air base on Cyprus.
The Controller of The Golem was here because he felt there was more to these negotiations than meets the eye.
As he walked the streets, he noticed a beautiful red-headed woman in a lavender green evening dress.
He immediately recognized her as the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith.
What he wondered was she doing here?
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 25th
2015.
Michelangelo’s Psychic Visions For October 19th 2016
October 19, 2016 at 2:39 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (An October Month of Horror, Hillary Clinton, Michelangelo, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster, Russia, Russian President Vladimir Putin, U.S. Presidential Election, Vampire novel, Vladimir Putin)
Michelangelo’s Psychic Visions For October 19th 2016
Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster was in his aquarium where a bunch of psychic visions were entering his mind as he slept…
Hillary Clinton (addressing a group of cheering supporters in the New York Times Editorial Board Room): I promise my first act as President of the United States will be to nuke Vladimir Putin’s Russia…
Joe Biden (on an interview show): Vladimir Putin should not interfere in our election by saying he prefers Trump.
Russia’s leader should not be allowed to interfere in other countries’ elections.
What’s good enough for George Soros and us is not good enough for Vladimir Putin and the Russians…
Odoacer (in the year 476 AD): It’s time to put an end to the Western Roman Empire once and for all…
Vladimir Putin (in the year 2016): It’s time to put an end to the American Empire once and for all…
(Michelangelo woke up from his dreams in a sweat despite the fact that he was already submerged in salt water)
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 19th
2016.
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