Uncle Ernie, The Koala With Chlamydia and Eulogy For Falstaff

July 31, 2020 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Literature, Plays, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Back on July 14th of this year, the satanic old bat Ruth Bader Ginsburg had to be hospitalized at John Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland.

The cause of her hospitalization was that notorious Australian entertainer and queen of the outback drag queens better known as Uncle Ernie.

Uncle Ernie was flown from the Australian outback (where he was found out back making unsanctioned pharmaceuticals) to Washington DC in the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s cannabis oil powered environmentally friendly eco-friendly dirigible.

Uncle Ernie had been hired by Set to give a private performance for Justice Ginsburg in her private chambers’ personal washroom in the Supreme Court Building in Washington DC.

Uncle Ernie went into the Supreme Court Building dressed as Marlene Dietrich in the 1930 German film The Blue Angel when her character of cabaret singer Lola-Lola sang the song Falling In Love Again.

Ginsburg entered her private washroom cubicle just as Uncle Ernie exited.

Uncle Ernie dressed as the fishnet wearing Marlene Dietrich held a stuffed toy koala bear between his legs as he performed his rarely ever requested musical dance number that he had entitled The Koala With Chlamydia.

The site of Uncle Ernie dressed as Marlene Dietrich’s character of Lola-Lola from The Blue Angel holding a stuffed toy koala bear between his legs as he sang The Koala With Chlamydia to the tune of the song Falling In Love Again was too much for satanic old bat Ruth Bader Ginsburg to handle.

Her heart gave out on her.

She was taken to John Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland.

The demons Baal and Baphomet quickly found a beautiful young vampiress (who had been a vampiress less than a year) and ripped her heart out giving it to Ruth Bader Ginsburg as a replacement.

Then two days ago, Ruth Bader Ginsburg was reviewing some music videos that the Democratic National Committee was thinking of playing at the virtual Democratic Party convention online at the moment senility prone Joe Biden announced his Vice-Presidential running mate.

And one of the videos was of Uncle Ernie dressed as Marlene Dietrich from The Blue Angel and holding a stuffed toy koala bear between his fishnet legs as he performed his rarely ever requested musical dance number The Koala With Chlamydia.

This was again too much for satanic old bat Ruth Bader Ginsburg to handle.

Once again the demons Baal and Baphomet quickly found a beautiful young vampiress (who had been a vampiress less than a year) and ripped her heart out giving it to Ruth Bader Ginsburg as a replacement.

Today Ruth Bader Ginsburg was released from a New York City hospital.

She was wheeled in her wheelchair past a group of supporters- a bunch of pro-abortion women who were all wearing mandatory face masks and all wearing t-shirts that read NO GOVERNMENT IS TELLING ME WHAT I CAN DO WITH MY BODY.

. . .

The ghosts of Orson Welles, Sir John Gielgud and Sir Laurence Olivier were all sitting as social distancing spectral judges in the front row of the Old Vic Theatre in London.

They were judging an online competition where livestream video performances were shown on the wall at the back of the stage.

The performance being judged was Mistress Quickly’s eulogy on Falstaff delivered in Act II, scene iii of Shakespeare’s Henry V.

The last contestant was from Australia.

Uncle Ernie dressed as Marlene Dietrich from The Blue Angel and holding a toy stuffed koala bear between his legs.

Uncle Ernie stroked and played with the bear as he recited his lines:

Nay sure, he’s not in Hell!
He’s in Arthur’s bosom,
if ever man went to Arthur’s bosom.
He made a finer end
and went away an it
had it been any christom child.
He parted ev’n just between twelve and one
ev’n at the turnin’ o’ the tide;
for after I saw him fumble with the sheets
and play with flowers
and smile upon his finger’s end….

…So he cried out ‘God!’ ‘God’! ‘God’! three or four times!
Now, I, to comfort him,
bid him he should not think of God…

… So he bade me lay more clothes upon his feet.
I put my hand into the bed and felt them,
and they were as cold as any stone.
Then I felt to his knees,
and so upward and upward,
and all was as cold as any stone.

With that Uncle Ernie as Mistress Quickly finished his eulogy for Falstaff.

The ghost of Orson Welles quickly downed a 10 litre spectral bottle of spectral red wine.

After a pause of about half an hour, Welles remarked, “That’s a performance of Mistress Quickly’s eulogy for Falstaff that I’ll never forget.”

The ghosts of Olivier and Gielgud nodded their assent.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 31st
2020.

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The Sad Death of Inca Vampiress Huchuysisa

January 15, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Sad Death of Inca Vampiress Huchuysisa

Inca vampiress Huchuysisa

The entire Russian government resigned today after Russian President Vladimir Putin announced sweeping new constitutional changes.

No one was quite sure what these new constitutional changes would mean.

Members of the British tabloid press decided to ask British MP Renfield R. Renfield about it (even though those same reporters of the tabloid press had been recently given quite literally a black eye from the MP for their treatment of Meghan the Duchess of Sussex).

Renfield answering their questions said, “Putin is trying to find a new means for keeping himself in power for ever. He’s been contacting Dr. Cadbury Rocher at Set Enterprises to see if Dr. Rocher can find a way of uploading Putin’s consciousness into the body of a young, handsome and virile Siberian male fashion model who apparently accidentally discovered the Fountain of Youth while vacationing in Florida, drank from there and then forgot about its location when the GPS app on his phone was hacked by a North Korean pizza delivery service. Coincidentally Dr. Rocher has also been getting inquiries from a jailbird in Australia nicknamed Uncle Ernie who also wants his consciousness uploaded into the same body of the same young, handsome and virile male Siberian fashion model.”

. . .

“Lexington!” Donald Trump bellowed for his British butler and valet from his bed in the Presidential bedroom.

“You screamed, sire?” Lexington inquired as he opened the bedroom drawer.

Lexington was forced to start calling Trump “sire” as well as “your Imperial Majesty” as the Donald intended to crown himself Neo-Roman Emperor of America at some point in the near future.

“The ghost of Gen. Qasem Soleimani was at the foot of my bed,” Trump’s toupee had turned ghostly white, “He pointed a finger at me and spoke these words ‘Soon. Soon. Soon.’ What did he mean by that?”.

“Maybe he means vengeance for his death is coming soon, your Imperial Majesty,” Lexington answered.

“Well, those words are hardly going to help me get back to sleep,” Trump bawled.

“All right,” Lexington consoled, “Maybe Soleimani had to take a number from the ticket machine in Paradise and what he means by ‘Soon’ is that soon he’ll be experiencing the first of the 72 dark-eyed houri (virgin damsels) that are promised him.”

“Soleimani gets 72 dark eyed virgins?” Trump was shocked.

Outside in the hallway, the White House janitor was singing the old 1980s Rod Stewart song, “Some guys have all the luck…”

. . .

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol had been called in by the government of Peru to investigate the mysterious death of the young Inca vampiress Huchuysisa.

She had apparently been captured and burnt to death and videos of her fiery death had been posted to YouTube.

Whitstable traced the account as belonging to the demons Baal and Baphomet.

After talking with a professor of vampirology and demonology at Oxford University, Whitstable discovered the vampiress’ murder was probably linked to a desire to allow a demon’s client (who had sold their soul to the demon for a certain number of years) to be extended beyond the date of the soul contract’s expiration.

Occasionally a demon may find a client so suitable to fulfilling their own personal demonic agenda that they would like the client to live a while longer and not have their soul sent to Tartarus on a particular date like the original Hell drawn up contract stipulates.

The only out for a contract to be renewed, was for the demon or demons (if there was more than one) to whom the mortal sold their soul, was for the demons to find a young vampiress (who had been a vampiress less than a year) and burn her body to ashes.

Then the contract could be renewed for another set period of time and the soul could continue to live on Earth a bit longer.

Huchuysisa a promising young Inca fashion model had been diagnosed with terminal cancer last year.

The Cuban vampiress Dolly Castro had turned Huchuysisa into a vampiress at the young fashion model’s request.

And now the young vampiress’ nocturnal fashion career had come to an end with her fiery death at the claws of the demons Baal and Baphomet.

After some checking around, Whitstable had discovered that the Inca vampiress had been killed 7 days before U.S. Supreme Court Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg had announced that she was now cancer free.

This all started to make sense now.

Ginsburg had been promoting a Baal and Baphomet approved judicial agenda ever since Bill Clinton had named her to the U.S. Supreme Court back in 1993.

No doubt the demons wanted to see Ginsburg on the Supreme Court promoting their agenda for a lot longer.

She had to die so that Ruth Bader Ginsburg might live:

The Inca Vampiress Huchuysisa

-A vampire novel chapterĀ 
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 15th
2020.

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