Belvedere, Mitt Romney and The Mormon Archives

November 24, 2016 at 6:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Belvedere, Mitt Romney and The Mormon Archives

Belvedere the Ghost White Salamander and reporter for the Times of London was once again meeting with the London parking lot, office building and apartment building owning millionaire Ryan Rider.

Ryan Rider (through methods he didn’t elaborate on) had access to the files of the mysterious individual who called himself Robur The Conquerer (Robur was, as it turns out, a genetic clone of U.S. Civil War Confederate General Albert Pike who had been cloned from Pike’s DNA back in 1966 by Nazi scientist Eckhart Fromm who had been brought into the U.S. through Operation Paperclip).

“You have something for me, Mr. Rider?” Belvedere asked as he approached Rider’s office (a 4-door rusty gold coloured GMC truck) that was parked in the middle of the Not So Standard Parking Lot.

“Damn,” Rider swore, “someone just text messaged me asking me what my postal code is.”

The eccentric and postal code phobic millionaire started hyperventilating.

“Please get ahold of yourself, Mr. Rider,” Belvedere spoke exasperatedly, “On the phone, you said you discovered the reason why Donald Trump is making a rapprochement with his old Republican Party enemy Mitt Romney. There’s even talk that the President-elect may name Mitt Romney as his Secretary of State.”

“That’s right,” Ryan Rider grinned, “I’ve discovered the reason why Donald Trump is making a rapprochement with Mitt Romney.”

There was silence in the Not So Standard Parking Lot.

“Well would you mind telling me before Hell freezes over?” Belvedere stated as it started to snow in the Not So Standard Parking Lot.

Ryan Rider blew his nose and gazed at Belvedere, “Have you ever heard of the Mormon Archives, Mr. Belvdere?”.

“You mean the archives the Mormon Church keeps that have reams of genealogical research on families from all around the world?” Belvedere asked.

“That is correct, Mr. Belvedere,” Ryan Rider smiled with both a twinkle and a snowflake in his eye, “and do you know what is to be found in those Mormon Archives that is the direct cause of the rapprochement between Trump and Romney? What Romney discovered about the Trump family’s ancestry in those files that led Romney to reconcile with Trump?”.

“No,” Belvedere shook his head, “if I knew what was to be found in those Mormon Archives genealogical files that led to the rapprochement between Trump and Romney, I wouldn’t be standing here in this parking lot freezing my ghostly white salamander nuts off talking to you.”

“What Romney found,” Rider approached Belvedere and conspiratorially whispered in his ghostly white salamander ears, “is that Donald Trump is a direct descendant of the marriage between Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene.”

“Holy shit!” Belvedere exclaimed.

“Well I believe it was Holy Blood, Holy Grail that was the name of the book that first publicly postulated that there was a blood line in the world today that was directly descended from the marriage of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene,” Rider pointed out.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 22nd
2016.

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Ghost and Rider Part Three

September 17, 2016 at 1:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Ryan Rider’s files on Robur The Conquerer were stolen from Rider’s home- a red Pontiac Firebird (or was it a red Pontiac Sunbird since Rider couldn’t remember?).

When Ryan’s wife pulled up in their home ((the red Pontiac bird of some sort or other) next to Ryan’s office (a 4-door rusty gold coloured GMC truck) in the Not So Standard Parking Lot, the files were discovered to be missing.

London police were called and when a policeman arrived at the parking lot and started asking questions about postal codes, this sent Rider into a cardiac arrest he wasn’t able to recover from and an ambulance had to be called to the scene.

The only thing Mrs. Rider could recall about a possible thief was she noticed a hamster running away from the motor vehicle/home at some point in the evening.

She noticed the hamster run around a corner. Later when she drove around the same corner, she noticed no hamster running but some guy who was trying to pick up a well-known British actress and ended up getting his face slapped.

The man was then grabbed off the sidewalk by a group of leather skirted women and thrown into a darkened Rolls-Royce limousine that was marked Sherrielock Holmes’ Dominatrix Services.

Belvedere wrote down the name that he was given by Mrs. Rider. He had once worked with Sherrielock Holmes many many years ago when he was still human prior to being turned into a ghost white salamander and then the ghost of a ghost white salamander.

(For more information on Belvedere’s background please read…

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/06/27/george-belvedere-duhamel-a-vampire-wild-west-tale/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/06/28/belvederes-career-as-wild-west-outlaw/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/06/29/belvedere-in-hayden-colorado/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/06/30/belvedere-and-the-vampire/

)

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 14th
2016.

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Ghost and Rider Part Two

September 13, 2016 at 4:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Ghost and Rider Part Two

Ryan Rider was the name of the enigmatic London parking lot and apartment building millionaire who had a phobia when it came to postal codes.

Belvedere the Ghost White Salamander and cub reporter for The Times of London had arranged a meeting with the mysterious enigmatic Ryan Rider.

He was able to arrange the meeting by calling Rider on his cell phone.

“How did you get this number?” The paranoid sounding Rider asked.

“From a mutual friend,” Belvedere whispered.

“Who’s this mutual friend?” Ryan asked as he wondered why he was the equivalent of $6.25 US short in that day’s take forgetting that he had purchased two hot dogs and a coffee for one of his parking lot attendants in an effort to appear charitable.

“I can’t reveal my sources,” Belvedere said in words reminiscent of Bob Woodward (or was it Carl Bernstein?) from the movie All The President’s Men.

“What do you want?” Rider asked.

“Everything you know about Robur The Conquerer,” Belvedere replied.

Silence reigned on the other side of the line.

“Are you there, Mr. Rider?” Belvedere asked.

“I had a momentary heart attack and brain aneurysm simultaneously,” Rider answered, “but I’m better now. I’ll meet you tonight midnight at The Not So Standard Parking Lot. Come alone.”

Click.

Rider had hung up.

Belvedere put the phone down and reached for his ghostly white trenchcoat and ghostly white fedora hat.

. . .

Midnight. The Not So Standard Parking Lot. The place was empty of motor vehicles. An owl hooted atop a sign that said Steve’s Chair Is Missing. A black cat knocked over a ladder. A rabbit bit the head off an orange coloured toy medieval knight that a child had dropped in the parking lot.

Belvedere lit a ghostly ectoplasmic cigarette with a ghostly ectoplasmic match.

Suddenly a massive pair of headlights came on, an ignition was started, an engine roared and tires spun.

The headlights came right at him. Then a screech of brakes as the vehicle hit the wall.

“Damn, I can’t believe I crashed again,” Rider swore, “I hope my insurance adjuster doesn’t ask me for the postal code of the area where it happened.”

He looked shocked as he noticed Belvedere standing there inhaling and exhaling his ghostly ectoplasmic cigarette.

“I thought I killed you with my truck,” Rider grimaced, “why are you still standing?”.

“I’m already dead,” the ghost white salamander replied, “I’m a ghost.”

“Damn, I hate it when that happens,” Rider shook his head.

“So tell me about Robur, Mr, Rider,” Belvedere took out his ghostly ectoplasmic notebook and his ghostly ectoplasmic pen.

“Step into my office,” Rider opened the front passenger side door of his rusty gold-coloured GMC 4-door truck.

Belvedere laughed.

“Don’t laugh,” Rider snapped as his face turned red and looked like he was about to have another simultaneous heart attack and brain aneurysm, “this really is my office.”

Belvedere was about to enter the vehicle but then wondered where he could sit.

“Hold on,” Rider said, “let me clean this place up a bit.”

Rider threw a few filing cabinets, a fax machine and a coffee pot out the passenger door and on to the pavement of the parking lot.

“Okay, sit there,” Rider commanded.

Belvedere sat in the passenger seat.

Rider entered the truck/office through the driver’s door.

“Damn, I banged my knee on my desk again,” Rider threw his desk out on to the parking lot pavement.

Then Rider tried sitting again.

“Oh damn, now I’ve got the arm of my Executive CEO’s Chair up my ass again,” Rider cried.

He threw a very fancy office chair out the driver’s door of the 4-door GMC truck.

“Now, what was it you wanted to know again?” Rider asked as he sat next to Belvedere.

“Who is Robur The Conquerer?” Belvedere asked.

“Robur The Conquerer,” Rider dove into the back seat knocking over several water coolers and chocolate bar and potato chip vending machines, “let me check my files. I wonder if I’ve got it under R for Robur or C for Conquerer.”

“By the way,” Belvedere peered at him over the seat, “what’s the postal code of this parking lot?”.

“What?’ Rider looked like he was about to have his third simultaneous heart attack and brain aneurysm of the past 24 hours.

“It’s my editor,” Belvedere held up his Samsung Galaxy Ghost Ectoplasmic 7 smart phone, “he wants to know the postal code of this parking lot.”

“Oh God,” Rider leapt over the seat back into the driver’s seat again, “damn, I think I just crushed the keys to the executive washroom between my balls.”

Belvedere stared at Rider in a nonchalant fashion.

Rider whipped out his own smart phone and started dialing a number.

“Hello,” Rider barked into the phone, “what’s the postal code of the Not So Standard Parking Lot?”.

Rider paused to listen to a response.

“Well, you’re my accountant,” Rider turned apoplectic as he started working on his 4th simultaneous heart attack and brain aneurysm of the past 24 hours, “I pay you to know these things.”

Belvedere continued to look nonchalant.

“Hold on,” Rider said quite exasperated, “let me find a pen and paper.”

He threw several old typewriters, a Mac 87 and a Windows 95 computer out of the glove compartment while he searched for a pen and paper.

“Got it,” Rider gritted his teeth, “now, what’s the fucking postal code again?”.

Rider wrote down the postal code.

He thanked the accountant and ended the call.

“What’s the postal code of the other parking lot you own?” Belvedere asked just as Rider was about to have a sigh of relief on his face.

“What?” Rider started working on his 5th simultaneous heart attack and brain aneurysm of the past 24 hours.

“My editor wants the postal code of the other parking lot you own,” Belvedere explained.

“For fuck’s sakes,” Rider began dialing his accountant’s number on his smart phone again, “Yes, what’s the postal code of my other parking lot? The one across the street from the car wash?”.

Rider started writing again.

“Oh shit, my pen just ran out of ink,” the parking lot and apartment building millionaire dived into the back seat again, “oh for fuck’s sake, I think I just ruined my chances for having any more children. Now, where did I put my other pen? Oh, here’s the hammer I was looking for last week…”

Belvedere took notes of Rider’s performance having never encountered such an individual before.

After finally finding his other pen and writing down the second postal code, Rider asked Belvedere what else he wanted to know.

“All you’ve got on Robur The Conquerer,” Belvedere smiled.

“Oh, that,” Rider leapt over the back seat again, “now did I leave it in the R filing cabinet or the C filing cabinet? I really should computerize all my files. A Toshiba laptop is a lot easier to carry around for an office than this beat-up old GMC 4-door truck. A lot easier on the testicles too I suspect.”

Suddenly Rider started hitting his head and saying, “Oh, what a dummy. Oh, what a dummy.”

“What is it?” Belvedere asked.

“I suddenly remembered I left both my R and C files at home,” Rider got on his mobile phone again, “Hello honey? Can you swing the red Pontiac Sunbird… or is it a red Pontiac Firebird?… I can never remember… around to the Not So Standard Parking Lot. I left a few files there.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 11th
2016.

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Ghost and Rider

September 12, 2016 at 4:03 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Ghost and Rider

Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander who wasn’t being paid enough as a magician’s assistant to Salaman the Magician now worked as a reporter for The Times of London.

He had recently returned from Moscow where he had had a successful interview with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The shocking revelations of that interview had caused British Prime Minister Theresa May to accidently put cayenne pepper instead of brown sugar on her porridge for breakfast that morning at 10 Downing Street.

Her subsequent screams were even more shrill than when Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau took his shirt off upon meeting her a few days before and asked her if she wanted to pose for a selfie with him.

Now Belvedere had just read an article in The New York Times about a mysterious multi-billionaire who called himself Robur The Conquerer (after the Jules Verne character) who was plotting to fulfill a prophecy that American Scottish Rite Freemason Albert Pike was alleged to have made in a letter dated August 15th 1871 to Italian revolutionary leader Giuseppe Mazzini.

The letter allegedly prophesied 3 world wars and during the third and final war, Pike was alleged to have told Mazzini that the Zionist State of Israel and the Islamic states of the Middle East would destroy one another.

Of course many doubts had been expressed about the authenticity of the letter that Pike had supposedly written to Mazzini.

But whether the Pike-Mazzini letter was genuine or not, this mysterious Robur The Conquerer was hoping to make the prophecy of the Third World War described in the letter (whether genuine or forgery) come true.

“Such a madman must be stopped.”

Those were the final words that New York Times reporter Colin Halloway had written in his article before keeling over after eating a hot fudge sundae that had been heavily laced with polonium-210 an extremely lethal radioactive poison.

The milkshake bar and diner where Halloway had eaten the hot fudge sundae was now under investigation by the City of New York Food and Health Safety Department for possible unauthorized use of radioactive products in the kitchen.

Belvedere was wondering where he could get possible information about the mysterious Robur The Conquerer.

Suddenly the phone rang.

Belvedere had learned how to pick up earthly material based phones with his ghostly ghost white salamander arms after quite a lengthy number of attempts and failures before eventual success (For more information on the origins of Belvedere The Ghost White Salamander please read

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/05/31/the-ghost-white-salamander/

)

So the Ghost White Salamander with great agility picked up the phone.

“Hello?” Belvedere spoke into the receiver.

“This is a friend,” said a voice on the other end.

“That’s nice to know,” Belvedere threw a package outside his office window that had written on it From An Enemy.

The package exploded when it hit the street below.

“I work as a parking lot attendant,” said the voice.

“Really? How much do you make?” asked Belvedere.

“Not much,” answered the voice, “my boss takes a large take even though he’s a millionaire. He owns several parking lots and apartment buildings all across the City of London.”

“How much does he charge for rent?” Belvedere asked.

The place the Ghost White Salamander was currently haunting was a bit too run down for his liking.

“I have no idea,” the voice answered, “but a friend of mine was going to rent a place of his until he discovered the sole window in the apartment was only six inches by six inches and looked out over a darkened alley.”

“That’s terrible,” Belvedere stated as he tried to eat a ghostly ectoplasm hot fudge sundae.

“It is,” agreed the voice, “what I’m calling about is either my boss is the mysterious Robur The Conquerer or he knows the mysterious Robur The Conquerer.”

Suddenly a loud crash could be heard from the other end of the phone.

“What was that?” A concerned Belvedere asked.

“My boss’ truck just crashed into one of the cars parked in the parking lot,” answered the voice.

“I can’t believe it,” another and a lot angrier voice could be heard in the background, “some idiot just phoned me on my cell phone and asked me what my postal code was.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 10th
2016.

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