Pan Goatee’s Shopping Trip Ends In Beheadings

August 13, 2018 at 10:47 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Shopping Trip Ends In Beheadings

DARPA contract assassin and genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was walking down an aisle when a fat ugly blimp of a high school girl approached him.

He immediately beheaded the fat ugly creature.

The girl’s father gasped.

Pan Goatee walked up to the man, “I presume you’re the degenerate responsible for producing that botched job of sexual intercourse.”

He likewise beheaded the fat ugly blimp’s father.

He then turned his attention to the fat ugly teen blimp’s more beautiful sister and the beheaded male shopper’s younger daughter.

“You’re pretty,” Pan Goatee admitted, “but just on the off chance you’re carrying your father or mother’s ugly gene, I have to do this for the aesthetic future of the world. I believe pre-emptive strike was the term George W. Bush used.”

He cut off the pretty girl’s head.

. . .

Donald Trump sat at his desk in the Oval Office shampooing his hair with a blow torch and wondered how anyone could possibly question his sanity.

Like the latest disgruntled former White House staffer had done in a book she had just published.

Suddenly a charcoal burnt Black Hand appeared on the desk in front of him and communicated telepathically with the sitting U.S. President.

Trump stood up and nodded, “I understand and will do just what you suggest.”

. . .

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal wearing a scarlet red evening dress covered with a charcoal black mantle was standing on a rock at the Cova da Iria in Fatima, Portugal 🇵🇹.

She was waiting for three adult male transgendered goatherds to show up at 12 noon as she had an important message to give them.

She checked the sundial watch on her wrist at 2:30 🕝 PM and decided to give up waiting.

Unbeknownst to her, the 3 goatherds had been strangled by a Portuguese professional arm wrestler and amateur phrenologist who had recently come down with food poisoning after eating a carton of bad feta cheese that he had purchased.

The mishap caused him to be disqualified from the World Championships after he had thrown up on both his opponents and the tournament judges.

Allatallahbel then ascended into the air and magically transported herself to the Vatican in Rome where she occupied the luxury papal apartment that Pope Francis had refused to occupy from the start of his Pontificate (humbly choosing to occupy one of the luxury guest rooms instead).

While there, she received a fax on her fax machine.

The fax was of a treaty for a proposed new Axis of Evil to be signed between her and Santa Muerte (the Mexican female spectral figure of Saint Death who was actually Samael the Talmudic Archangel of Death dressed in drag) and Q-Amon the forgotten but literally immortal Egyptian Pharaoh who was the secret hand behind the Columbian drug cartels.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 13th
2018.

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