Saint John’s Eve

June 23, 2020 at 10:47 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The last few days had been a haze for Quentin Talbot.

He had booked a room in the Royal Alexandria Hotel in Alexandria.

He had gone downstairs to the lobby and found himself transported back in time to 1939.

There had been a ball going on in the hotel ballroom.

He had gone in and met a woman who claimed to be Thessalonike of Macedon the half-sister of Alexander the Great.

Somehow Quentin found himself aboard a ship in Alexandria’s harbour.

Thessalonike had jumped overboard and turned herself into a mermaid.

Quentin then recalled something that a London art gallery curator and art dealer named Dashwood Forrest had told him.

There was an old legend that Thessalonike of Macedon had turned into a mermaid shortly after Alexander’s death.

The ship soon found itself off the coast from the Suffolk town of Dunwich on the North Sea coast.

Dunwich had been the capital of the Kingdom of East Anglia at one time and a major international port.

Its decline began when three great storms struck the town- one in January 1286, one in February 1287 and a third in December 1287.

Most of the buildings that had been present in 13th Century Dunwich including 8 churches had disappeared with the storms.

Local legend has it that at certain tides, church bells can still be heard beneath the waves.

Tonight as the tides surged in a great storm, Quentin could hear the bells ringing beneath the waves.

Quentin soon found himself being taken off the ship by dwarf like creatures.

Unbeknownst to him, the dwarf like creatures were korrigans from the Breton region of France.

At the same time over in Rome, another group of korrigans from Britanny were exiting a wooden statue of the Baphomet on wheels inside the Vatican.

Quentin soon found himself being taken down to the beach where Thessalonike (who had since shapeshifted back into human shape) was standing in front of an altar by a huge bonfire.

Thessalonike was dressed in the robes of a Druidic priestess and holding a huge sacrificial knife.

Quentin deduced that things weren’t looking too promising for him when the korrigans tied him to the altar.

A huge black dog with large red eyes, gigantic bared teeth and shaggy black fur came and sat by the bonfire.

The dog was that infamous Hellhound of English folklore known as the Black Shuck who was said to haunt the coastline and countryside of East Anglia.

The dog started to howl.

Of course, the Black Shuck was singing a song but to Quentin’s ears, it sounded like howling.

The song the Black Shuck was singing was, How Much Is That Human Sacrifice By The Window?

Coincidentally a stained glass window of Saint Elizabeth (cousin of the Virgin Mary) holding a baby Saint John the Baptist from one of Dunwich’s 8 lost sunken ancient churches had washed up on to the shore alongside the altar.

“Welcome to Saint John’s Eve 2020,” Thessalonike smiled a sinister smile at Quentin as she raised the knife.

“British Prime Minister Boris Johnson says you’re not practicing social distancing,” Dracul Van Helsing shouted as he aimed a crossbow and hit Thessalonike in the chest with an arrow.

“Shit,” Thessalonike started bleeding like a woman in a TV commercial for an obviously unsuccessful tampon product.

She headed to the ocean and dived in turning into a mermaid.

Gurkas from British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s personal British Army Brigade started wrestling with the korrigans.

Eventually Quentin was freed and the Saint John’s Eve Dunwich Human Sacrifice for 2020 was cancelled.

Van Helsing went to a nearby pub to have several cold beers while Quentin Talbot was taken to a doctor.

Inside the pub, Van Helsing was approached by the ancient Babylonian Queen Semiramis.

“Sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong, eh, Van Helsing?”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 23rd
2020.

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Jack O’ Hare On Saint John’s Eve

June 23, 2011 at 9:12 pm (Poetry) (, , , , , )

It’s Saint John’s Eve
said the frog called Steve
The Eve of Saint John the Baptist
and I’ve got the results of my lab test
I’m allergic to flies
so in Japan no fries
so no Twitter photos from Anthony Weiner
or they’ll be using formaldehyde for my cleaner
down at the morgue
where ghouls do gorge.

Agreed Jack O’ Hare
with a touch of flair,
it’s St. John’s Nativity
which we’ll mark with civility
until the carrot wine does flow
and my bunny nose will glow
from much imbibing
amidst good tiding.

It’s Saint John’s Eve in the Enchanted Forest
where Sarah Palin leads a pro-climate change chorus
and Al Gore conducts flatulent cows
whose methane gas wows
the crowd will fall dead
so many zombies a’ head
in a world topsy turvy
like an upside down curry.

It’s Shakespeare’s Midsummer Dream all over again
where the robin will sing in tune with the wren
and it’s Bottom’s up in the glen
he’s made an ass of himself
while Puck grins on the shelf
what fools these mortals be
no stars for Pyramus and Thisbe
but two thumbs down
as Snout adjusts his gown
playing a wall
over which bugs do crawl.

‘Tis fine theatre indeed
as Steve smoked a poppy seed
in opium there’s hope
I ain’t no dope.

HIgher than heaven
and the number seven
observed Jack O’ Hare
as he sipped eau clare
as Steve climbed Heaven’s stair
a lead Zeppelin was he
as he crashed into a tree
enjoying the revelry
of this Bacchic hospitality.

-A poem written by Christopher Van Helsing
Thursday evening, June 23rd 2011
The Eve of the Nativity of Saint John The Baptist.

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