Actual Rings of Fire Beyond Smoke and Mirrors? Or Millstone Around Neck Midnight Swims?

August 24, 2018 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Television, The Supernatural, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Actual Rings of Fire Beyond Smoke and Mirrors? Or Millstone Around Neck Midnight Swims?

“It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.”

-Jesus Christ to His Apostles
as recorded in Luke 17: 2 (KJV)

“Where their worm dieth not and the fire is not quenched.”

-Jesus Christ to His Apostles
as recorded in Mark 9:48 (KJV)

“Why is she called the Sacred Riana?” Pope Francis asked Samhain Cardinal Salaman (who had been a professional stage magician prior to his being named to the Vatican College of Cardinals) after he and the Cardinal watched clips of Indonesia’s great female magician, mentalist and illusionist performing on America’s Got Talent.

Cardinal Samhain Salaman (the ex-magician) shrugged.

He genuinely did not know.

. . .

The defrocked former priest gulped.

And not because he was watching Pennsylvania Attorney-General Josh Shapiro discuss the Grand Jury report on priestly sexual abuse at a news conference in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania on CNN News.

He had just received word from a colleague of his (they had been involved in a group of 12 pedophile priests in the same city- part of a much larger pedophile network of priests in Pennsylvania that in turn were part of a much larger pedophile network of priests in the U.S. that in turn were part of a much larger global pedophile network of priests across the world) that 10 of their colleagues had been burned to death in their residences.

. . .

“Help us, Riana, help us,” the voices of children – both boys and girls called out to the long haired young Asian woman in the red dress and white silk tights as she tried to sleep.

The long haired young Asian woman saw sinister looking figures dressed in black robes approaching the children and asking in almost demonic sounding masculine voices, “Do you want to play?”.

“Avenge us, Riana, avenge us,” the children cried as they disappeared under the robes of the sinister men in black.

. . .

The defrocked former priest thought he saw an arm in blue emerge out of the mirror in his bedroom.

He also thought he saw smoke emerging from the mirror.

He walked over to the mirror and a long haired young Asian woman dressed in a blue dress and white silk tights reached out her right blue sleeved arm from the looking glass of the mirror and grabbed the defrocked priest by the throat.

Fire burned in the background in the mirror as the young woman stepped out from the mirror.

Soon other long haired young Asian women dressed in blue dresses and white silk tights emerged from the mirror as the fire in the mirror continued to expand.

The defrocked priest turned to get away when he noticed standing on top of his dresser was a long haired young Asian woman in a red dress and white silk tights who was holding a doll in one hand and with her other hand seemed to be directing the blue dress wearing long haired young Asian women to attack the pedophile defrocked priest.

The young Asian women ripped the pedophile defrocked priest apart as flames engulfed his entire house.

The next morning as the Fire Department and the police went through the blackened rubble of smouldering charcoaled remains, all that was found intact was a silver Crucifix, a statue of the Virgin Mary and a glimmering antique mirror that had carved wooden dragons, worms, snakes and flames around the edges.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 24th
2018.

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The Magician’s Assistant

June 4, 2017 at 3:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The date the New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont and Amadeus Emanon had last night was cut short by the terrorist attack on London Bridge and Central London.

British Prime Minister Theresa May called on all political parties to refrain from “politicizing the terrorist attacks”.

Renfield R. Renfield not belonging to any of the mainstream political parties ignored the directive and rented a theatre in the town of Tewkesbury where he showed videos of his interrogating ISIS menbers.

Here were some of the videos shown:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/08/26/renfields-video-for-the-ice-bucket-challenge/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/08/28/renfields-direct-video-response-to-isis-beheading-video/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/10/06/qonzilqointec-arrives-on-scene-after-renfield-beheading-of-an-isis-fighter-video/

When Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds’ sitting incumbent British Conservative MP Agathor Christie sat in the theatre alongside his French maid Simone watching the Renfield interrogating ISIS videos, he buried his head in his hands, “When the voters see this, he’ll win this constituency by a landslide.”

A young girl Serena when she heard of the latest terrorist attacks went to a vintage store in downtown Salisbury and bought herself a late Victorian era/early Edwardian era costume.

She then put it on and went to a magic show in town where Salaman the Magician was performing.

When he called for a volunteer from the audience to be locked inside a trunk, she volunteered.

“Send me back to a trunk in the 1920s,” she begged Salaman.

Salaman looked surprised.

He locked the trunk.

Said abracadrabra and opened the trunk.

She was gone.

Which was part of the act.

He then opened a door in the center of the stage.

Where she was now supposed to be.

She wasn’t.

Salaman searched all the stage.

She had indeed completely vanished.

Which wasn’t part of the act.

Houdini turned around in his chair when he heard the door of his trunk opening from the inside as he sat in his London hotel room on what was otherwise a normal day in the early 1920s.

He saw Serena stepping out.
Serena The Magician's Assistant

“Who are you?” Houdini asked.

“I am Serena,” Serena replied, “I am from the year 2017.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 4th
2017.

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Qonzilqointec Confronts Nicolas Maduro

February 4, 2017 at 2:12 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had been good friends with the late President of Venezuela Hugo Chavez.

She wasn’t on such good terms with his successor Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro feeling that he didn’t really have the genuine love for the people that Comrade Chavez did.

For at heart the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was a Marxist.

Even though she was an imperial royal princess of the Aztecs as well as the spiritual goddaughter of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl.

She had turned the Russian Marxist Leon Trotsky into a vampire in Mexico City on August 21st 1940 a day after a Stalinist agent tried to assassinate him with an ice pick.

Today Leon Trotsky lived under the name Lev Tomi and was the head of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

These days Tomi was in constant touch with Pope Francis on the best way to bring about a Marxist Teilhardian Gaia friendly environmentalist New Age one world government.

Qonzilqointec was a powerful vampiress with spies everywhere.

She often used her lover the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to extract information.

And Qonzilqointec had become aware of a conspiracy by Albert Pike clone Robur Pike (aka Robur The Conquerer II) to assassinate Cuban President Raul Castro.

And Pike was going to do it through the weak-willed Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro who had fallen underneath the charms of a magician’s assistant named Maria.

Maria with her silvery lace panties had been quickly replaced on the couch by hypnotist Salaman The Magician with his gold watch.

Salaman had hypnotized Maduro into thinking that the ghost of Hugo Chavez wanted him Maduro to shoot and kill Raul Castro..

Now Maduro was on his way to his private airport to fly a jet to Havana to carry out the mission.

At the airport, Maduro was confronted by the sight of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec wearing a tight-fitting orangish red mini dress, tan pantyhose and spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

“Good evening, your Highness,” Maduro bowed low to hide his erection.

Qonzilqointec kicked him in the forehead with one of her spiked stilettos.

Maduro hit the pavement.

She directed the priests of Quetzalcoatl with her to take Maduro to a Caracas meditation room for re-programming.

Qonzilqointec emailed Dracul Van Helsing with details of her successful mission as well as a photo of her outfit.

Dracul who had formed an alliance with Renfield R. Renfield (the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) against the Rome based Egyptian vampire Osiris showed his new found ally the picture.

Renfield fell off his chair.

Ever the geopolitical analyst, Dracul remarked, “This is probably why Trump issued that memo for women in the White House to dress like women. He’s obviously very much aware how effective a weapon of war that a woman dressed like a woman can be.”

“Something,” Renfield got back up on his chair, “that the lesbian blowhards in Hillary’s camp have never been able to figure out.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 4th
2017.

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Pike’s Plan

February 3, 2017 at 12:43 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Yes, the Golden Circle superstate would come into existence, Robur Pike reflected.

And Havana, Cuba would be its capital.

But of course something would have to be done about Cuban President Raul Castro.

Fortunately Cuban Revolution senior statesman Fidel Castro had done the Knights of the Golden Circle a favour and kicked the bucket back in November.

But Cuban President Raul Castro was still alive and kicking.

And plotting to establish a Marxist New World Order that would receive the Apostolic Blessing of Pope Francis.

Robur Pike figured he’d better nip that in the bud right away.

He crushed a white rose and a red rose that he had bought from an elderly Cuban woman who was selling roses in the cafe.

Pike already knew how Raul Castro would be killed. And by whom.

. . .

Salaman the Magician was in Caracas, Venezuela.

In addition to being a successful stage magician, Salaman was also a successful hypnotist.

And he had been hired by a certain individual to hypnotize Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

Which is what he was currently doing at the moment.

“Nicolas,” Salaman spoke softly, “listen to me. I am the ghost of Comrade Chavez.”

“You are the ghost of Comrade Chavez,” Maduro spoke in a zombie like voice.

You shall do exactly as I say,” Salaman directed.

“I shall do exactly as you say, Comrade Hugo,” Maduro continued his impersonation of American actor Chuck Norris at his dramatic speaking voice best.

. . .

Raul Castro got off the phone.

He looked at his aide Juan Ernesto Garcia.

“I just got the most peculiar phone call from President Maduro of Venezuela,” Castro pushed the Freeze button on the DVD of the movie The Manchurian Candidate that he had been watching.

“Really?” Juan gave his leader his undivided attention.

“Yes, he needs to see me right away for some reason,” Castro frowned, “he says he’s flying to Havana tonight in his private jet.”

Meanwhile at Havana Airport, another private jet was flying out of the country. Headed towards the Middle East. Robur Pike bid the lights of Havana good-bye from his window.

He then lay back in his plane’s hot tub, sipped on a martini and thanked Lucifer that he wasn’t a Syrian refugee.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 1st
2017.

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The Ghost White Salamander

May 31, 2016 at 5:12 pm (Ghost Story, International Intrigue, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

The Ghost White Salamander

Belvedere was the ghost of a ghost white salamander who hung out with Salaman The Magician.

The two had met when the stage magician had been doing a magic show in Salt Lake City.
Belvedere did not believe that he had always been a ghost white salamander.
He believed an evil witch had turned him into a ghost white salamander when he refused to pay her for services rendered in a room above a Wild West saloon.

Since he had been turned into a salamander and was ghostly white in colour, he would have been labelled by zoologists a ghost white salamander.
He turned into the ghost of a ghost white salamander after being run over by an ox cart heading further west.
No one could see him until Salaman The Magician had spotted him in Salt Lake City.
Belvedere and Salaman had hit it off and the two hung out together ever since.
Belvedere would occasionally help Salaman out with his magic show.

Having a ghost as part of the show often left other stage magicians who were sitting in the audience as spectators scratching their heads wondering themselves how a certain trick could have been possibly done.
Salaman had recently been hired by the British government to put on a fake haunting using fake ghosts at a Scottish castle this past weekend.

“Why didn’t you use a real ghost like me for the haunting?” Belvedere the ghost of the ghost white salamander asked Salaman.
“A lot of people don’t find ghosts of ghost white salamanders scary,” Salaman answered.
“Really?” Belvedere looked perplexed, “I find myself looking scary whenever I look into the mirror and find dandruff flakes falling out of my ectoplasm.”
“Yes, that really is a strange phenomenon,” Salaman had to admit.
“I really don’t know how to stop it,” Belvedere said sheepishly, “it makes me glad most people aren’t able to see me.”
“Eek!” The magician’s lovely stage assistant Maria screamed when she entered the room, “What is that strange creature with dandruff flakes falling out of its ectoplasm?”.
“Of which this moment is a prime example,” Belvedere the ghost white salamander hung his head in shame.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 30th
2016.

 

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Salaman The Magician

May 24, 2016 at 5:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Salaman The Magician

Salaman The Magician had been summoned to 10 Downing Street to meet the Prime Minister David Cameron.

“I hear you’re putting on a very successful magic show in London these days,” Cameron said to Salaman.

“I try my best, Mr. Prime Minister,” the white bearded magician smiled.

“I hear this past weekend, you had a frog leaping out from the bosom of a very beautiful woman in a low-cut evening dress and frightening Boris Johnson,” Cameron smiled.

“As much as I’d like to claim credit for what turned out to be a very upstaging event during the show,” the magician bowed his head, “alas, I was not the one responsible for that.”

“Well no matter,” Cameron got to the point, “the point is we’re having a very important guest- a foreign dignitary- staying at a castle in Scotland tonight- the castle is said to be haunted. We want you to use your magic skills to make a ghost appear to the foreign dignitary and get him to adopt the same position on a certain international issue as that held by Her Majesty’s Government here in the United Kingdom. Sorry to give you such short notice on this. But we just found out at the last moment that this gentleman is flying in for a secret conference on this issue at the said haunted castle in Scotland. We thought if anyone could put together a seemingly authentic haunting at the last moment, it would be a master magician such as yourself.”

“All right, I’ll do it,” Salaman answered when he was handed a piece of paper by Cameron stating the amount the British government was willing to pay him for staging the supposedly authentic haunting.

“Great,” Cameron shook his hand and the magician made his exit.

• • •

“Who’d have thought,” Salaman shook his head as he got into the taxi outside 10 Downing Street, “that magic shows and haunted castles would soon play an important role in international relations.”

Meanwhile over in Vietnam, Barack Obama was unaware that he was currently chatting with the actual real ghost of a Vietnamese Empress.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 24th
2016.

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Salaman The Magician Magic Show Runs Amok

May 22, 2016 at 5:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Salaman The Magician Magic Show Runs Amok

Salaman The Magician had had a successful run with his magic show in London.

Audiences were raving about it.

Although on this night, the raving was done by Boris Johnson the former Mayor of London and Euro-sceptic Conservative MP who mistook the magician’s sawing his beautiful female assistant in half in a box draped with the Union Jack as an endorsement of an EU superstate over a sovereign United Kingdom.

To settle things down, Salaman The Magician decided to saw his beautiful female assistant in half in a box draped with the European Union flag instead much to the cheers of the pro-Brexit crowd.

After sawing the woman in half and separating the European Union flag draped box, the audience shouted, “Don’t bother putting her back together.”

So the magician’s assistant had to be put together backstage.

Sitting next to Boris Johnson in the audience was the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith.

Lilith had been asked by Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan to bump off Johnson because the Turkish despot and would be restored Sultan of a revived Ottoman Caliphate was offended by Boris Johnson’s offensive limerick about him that won The Spectator Magazine’s President Erdogan Offensive Poetry Competition.

The plan was for Nimrod (the builder of the Tower of Babel who was now a frog due to a vampiric kiss magic spell gone awry) to hide down the front of Lilith’s lavender coloured evening dress between her cleavage (where Nimrod often liked to be for some reason) and then jump out at an appropriate moment during the performance to ribbit an Amazon River basin poison plant dart out of his mouth in Johnson’s direction.

Unfortunately for Erdogan’s homicidal plans, Nimrod had accidentally purchased a bottle of Bavarian Magic Mushroom Liquid Gel instead of Amazon River Basin Poison Plant Liquid Gel by mistake at a London chemist shop earlier in the day.

So when Nimrod jumped out from between Lilith’s cleavage as the stage band played Beethoven’s Ode To Joy as Salaman sawed the European Union draped flag box (with beautiful female assistant inside) in half, the ancient prince turned frog fired Bavarian Magic Mushroom Liquid Gel into Johnson’s Adam’s Apple.

Instead of immediately keeling over and dying on the spot (which would have occurred had the fast acting Poison Plant Liquid Gel been used), Johnson instead fell to his knees and said, “Is this a leather skirted dominatrix I see before me?”.

As Johnson babbled about pirate ships under attack by bunny rabbits, Lilith and Nimrod hastily exited the theatre.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 21st
2016.

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Amadeus Gets A Cheesecake and Renfield Gets Walloped

May 11, 2016 at 5:39 pm (Comedy, Culture, Entertainment, Humour, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Amadeus Gets A Cheesecake and Renfield Gets Walloped

Amadeus Emanon was sitting in a London tea shop with the New Orleans songstress and stage actress vampiress Angelique Dumont.

“I hear this stage magician Salaman the Magician puts on a wonderful show,” Angelique said reading a review in one of the London entertainment weeklies.

“He does,” Amadeus nodded, “I saw him a couple of weeks ago. I’m still totally mystified as to how he does his tricks. Like nothing I’ve ever seen.
Even better than Houdini, David Copperfield and Criss Angel in my opinion.”

“You saw Salaman the Magician?” Angelique raised an eyebrow, “By yourself?”.

“No, I was with Dulcinea Lucia,” Amadeus replied.

“The gypsy fortune teller?” Angelique raised her other eyebrow.

“That’s right,” Amadeus nodded again.

“You went on a date with Dulcinea Lucia?” Angelique glared at Amadeus.

“That is correct,” Amadeus put some honey in his tea.

“But I thought you and I were an item,” Angelique’s face flushed as red as her rouge red lipstick and her dinner the night before.

“I didn’t know we were an item,” Amadeus Emanon looked as surprised as a child’s face on Christmas morning.

“You didn’t know we were an item?” Angelique grabbed a piece of cheesecake off a passing waiter’s tray and shoved it in Amadeus’ face.

“Speaking of items, I didn’t know cheesecake was on the menu,” Amadeus wiped the cheesecake off his face.

. . .

In another corner of the tea shop, Renfield R. Renfield had his eyes on a very attractive woman wearing a green evening dress.

Renfield had recently been advised by his co-worker and fellow employee at Set Enterprises Dr. Cadbury Rocher that he needed to be more subtle in his approach with women.

Not to come on so strong.

Renfield decided to try this new approach that he had never before attempted.

So he walked past the woman and sang in a loud operatic style baritone voice, “Birds do it, bees do it, even dogs and trees do it…”

Purses apparently do it as well.

Because Renfield found himself clobbered over the head with the woman’s rather heavy purse and found himself lying on the floor with the woman in the green evening dress stepping over him and leaving the restaurant.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 10th
2016.

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