All of the faces and all of the places
Wonderin’ where they all disappeared…
It’s those changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of our running and all of our cunning
If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane
Those changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes…
Through all of the islands and all of the highlands
If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.
-Jimmy Buffett, August 1977.
The water nymph Ondine in a pre-Raphaelite painting
that Carson Cody Albion Private Eye gazed at on a wall
An immortal made immortal in stroke of brush and mixture on palette
And now he Carson Cody Albion who had been made immortal by Atargatis
Atargatis
would he too someday be immortalized in stroke of brush and mixture of palette
An immortal beyond time and space
captured on canvas in frame occupying a place on a wall
captured in paint by a particular person at a particular time and place
was this why infinity turned in on itself and formed a pair of loops
intersecting at a particular point in time and space?
And what of his painting?
Albion wondered to himself
Could his own sins and transgressions be transferred to his painted visage
As happened to Oscar Wilde’s hero of one Dorian Gray
in the Victorian dandy’s tale of gothic philosophical fiction?
In the same place California but at a different time over 75 years later
Dracul Van Helsing stumbled upon the aftermath of a child sacrifice to Baphomet
presided over by the state’s governor in an act of officially consecrating the state to the demons Baal and Baphomet
As moonbeams danced and sunflowers turned brown in the darkness of night and the crescent of a moon and the bloodbath following a baby’s screams at the hands of a World War II jerry’s insigniaed knife
Baphometa the daughter of Baphomet emerged
clutching her shoulder as if clutching a bloody wound
that was the sole remaining wound of the last vestige of whatever innocence she might have possessed
prior to participating in her first child sacrifice
Oh even daughters of demons stand wounded
when suddenly they come face to face with the dark side of their nature
when given their pedigree, surely the dark side was theirs by nature
but alas even for daughters of demons, darkness embraced and innocence lost
was not and should not be the lot of any of creation
since that dreaded day when the Light-Bearer ascended and became the Bearer of Darkness
An ascent that descended so rapidly
A light that burned so impenetrably it became the blackest of all darkness
Dracul rushed to embrace the distraught Baphometa
Leaving one to wonder could kindness and consolation drive the darkest darkness away?
Back 75 years, the real Ondine stood in front of Carson Cody Albion
Her hair colour had changed since the Pre-Raphaelite artist
had painted her picture in England in the 19th Century
Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
What a change that can bring
Switch the time, switch the place
Switch the hair
By a stream of water, the hero in the Pre-Raphaelite painting
had lost the water nymph Ondine
By a fountain of water, Carson Cody Albion had found her
Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Even H2O wasn’t the same everywhere
as ice and snow fell into the ocean
Below the cascading castles of clouds
Against a snowy backdrop, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora
stood with her two mastiffs in the Carpathian Mountains of Romania
Facing Interpol agent Peter Whitstable
Whitstable had heard the urban myths and legends and tales of mysterious black eyed children
and now he stood face to face with black eyed dogs
And they stood staring at him
If eyes be the mirror of the soul, then souls these two black eyed mastiffs did not have
But fortunately for Whitstable, he was not their target
The Russian Orthodox monk behind him was
Sent by Patriarch Kirill of Moscow
As an emissary to the Romanian Orthodox Church
to advise them to break communion with Constantinople
But such was not Theodora’s plan
And foolish mortals should not interfere with the best laid plans of vampiresses
Particularly one with black eyed mastiffs at her beck and call
Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
From the mountain heights of Romania to the desert sands of Arabia
The Countess Draculina daughter of Count Dracula
strolling by the stream of the oasis palace of
Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman
And she saw the Prince walk by
Book in hand
But the book he carried was not the Quran
But the Zohar
Most pre-eminent text in the Kabbalah
Tantric sex with Baphometa was called for
As Marvin Gaye sang Sexual Healing in the background
Dracul Van Helsing healed her
And Persephone the Queen of the Underworld waited for Dracul at sunset
at an Episcopal monastery in Santa Barbara
From the depths of Hades her husband’s realm
To the heights of Santa Barbara
Definitely changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
As Dracul and the Queen of the Underworld had tantric sex
And the Canadian vampire hunter made a cuckold of Zeus’ infernal brother
A pomegranate was crushed beneath the feet of the pair
And Persephone laughed, “Oh, Dracul,
if we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.”
-A vampire novel chapter
and gothic mythological
private eye poem
written by Christopher
Saturday January 12th
2019.
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Nero Wilson On The Arsenio Hall Show
Nero Wilson was getting a haircut in a Los Angeles barber shop so he’d look more like his hero the Roman Emperor Nero when he performed with his band Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers on The Arsenio Hall Show tonight.
Nero Wilson’s cousin Charlie Wilson (whose band stage name was Bud Lou) the band’s electrical guitarist was standing in line in a Los Angeles gun store hoping to buy himself a gun.
The reason why Charlie Wilson was buying himself a gun was because Sekhmet the band’s female singer was going to wear an authentic ET gray’s laser death ray gun inside her belt for the band’s appearance on The Arsenio Hall Show tonight.
So Charlie Wilson thought he’d wear a good old authentic American handgun inside his belt for their appearance.
The trouble was as Charlie Wilson was standing in line inside the gun store, he was complaining to everyone in line that here he was a rock ‘n roll musician and he was still a virgin.
As soon as the gun store owner heard that, he immediately denied Charlie Wilson permission to buy a gun when the electrical guitarist came up to the till because being a virgin, the man was obviously mentally ill.
The gun store owner didn’t want to be held responsible for another Elliot Rodger style incident like the recent Isla Vista killings at Santa Barbara.
Not that the gun store owner was concerned about loss of life (if he was concerned about loss of life, he wouldn’t be in this business). He was more worried about potential lawsuits from potential victims’ families for selling a gun to a mentally ill person… like a virgin (to quote a Madonna song title).
So Charlie Wilson left the store a dejected man.
He wasn’t able to get laid.
And he wasn’t able to get a gun.
Later Charlie Wilson’s younger brother Dave Wilson (whose band stage name was Abbott Costello) the band’s drummer arrived in the same gun store later to buy himself a gun.
If Sekhmet was going to wear an authentic ET gray’s laser death ray gun in her belt during the performance on The Arsenio Hall Show, then he was going to wear an authentic American hand gun tied to a pony tail on his long heavy metal headbanger style hair.
As Dave Wilson stood in line inside the gun store, he boasted to everyone in line about his numerous sexual conquests as a drummer in a rock and roll band.
The gun store owner took note of Dave.
Nothing mentally ill about that guy he thought to himself.
In fact the man seemed to represent the personification of the apotheosis of the American (wet) Dream.
When Dave reached the till, the gun store owner sold him enough guns and ammunition to have lasted an entire division of the U.S. Army a whole year at the height of the Afghan War.
. . .
Renfield R. Renfield sat at the back of the theatre during this night’s filming of The Arsenio Hall Show.
As soon as the show’s host Arsenio Hall introduced Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers and the band started playing, then Renfield R. Renfield the world’s first and only genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human would shapeshift into a hamster and run up on stage and crawl up Sekhmet’s lovely black silk nylon clad leg and then remove the authentic ET gray’s laser death ray gun from her belt and then run off stage heading straight for the exit door.
Arsenio Hall spoke, “And now ladies and gentlemen… here they are… the band who’s currently playing at The Tropicana Nightclub in downtown Los Angeles… Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers…”
The audience started applauding as the band burst into a rendition of their hit song I’ll Give You The Moon If You Give Me The Finger In This Traffic Jam.
Nero Wilson was wearing a Roman toga around his body, leather sandals on his feet and a laurel wreath in his hair as he played the electric violin.
Charlie Wilson was wearing a t- shirt with Mr. Bean’s picture on it and some purple and gold plaid pants and some yellow sneakers as he played the electric guitar.
Sekhmet was wearing a fringe skirted lion’s skin mini dress, black silk pantyhose and gold spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes as she sang, “You better watch out ’cause I’m lifting my skirt. I’ll give you the moon if you give me the finger in this traffic jam…”
Around her waist she wore a belt with Egyptian hieroglyphs on it.
And of course inside her belt was tucked the authentic ET gray’s laser death ray gun.
Dave Wilson the drummer was wearing a black shirt, black pants and black shoes as he played the drums.
His long hair was tied in a pony tail.
Attached to the pony tail was a 44 Magnum.
Suddenly women in the audience started jumping up and down and screaming “Mouse! Mouse! There’s a mouse in the house!”.
A nerdy looking bookish type guy with glasses ( who had also been denied a gun permit that afternoon) said, “Actually, I think it’s a hamster.”
The hamster started crawling up one of Sekhmet’s sexy and shapely black silk nylon clad legs.
“Oh God, that feels good,” Sekhmet moaned.
Nero Wilson stopped playing the electric violin and turned to her saying, “I don’t recall those lyrics being in the song.”
“Yes, yes, yes,” Sekhmet shrieked ecstatically as she leaned backwards on to the floor and lifted her already short short skirt.
“Good Lord, she’s outgaga-ing Lady Gaga,” Arsenio Hall spewed Gatorade out of his mouth and all over one of the cameras as he spoke.
The hamster grabbed the ET gray’s laser death ray gun out of her Egyptian hieroglyph belt and then ran straight through her legs.
The gun went off.
But fortunately it was just on the Shock mode and not the Kill mode.
“The mother ship of all orgasms,” Sekhmet shouted in delight about the out-of-this-world experience she just had.
The hamster flashed the happiest hamster face of all time at the camera and then ran out of the theatre.
At that point, Charlie Wilson’s smart phone went off.
It was a text message coming in from the bully of his old high school graduating class back home in Cleveland, “What a loser you are, Charlie. There you are out on the West Coast in California and even a hamster is able to score before you do.”
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 30th
2014.
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