Exposed: Krampus’ Christmas Eve 2020 Kidnapping of Santa

December 26, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

As everyone knows Santa Claus lives at the North Pole.

Of course Santa Claus isn’t his original name.

The original name of the extremely tall and very fat elf was Caerthalian.

However Caerthalian was so impressed with the saintly bishop Saint Nicholas of Myra (March 15th 270 AD to December 6th 343 AD) and his beautiful habit of giving gifts at Christmas, that, after the good Saint died, Caerthalian and some of his smaller and shorter elf acquaintances moved up to the North Pole and built a small toy workshop where they made gifts for good little girls and boys that they then delivered around the world by Christmas morn.

As the Middle Ages started to drift into the era of the Renaissance, three little boys Martin Luther, John Calvin and Ulrich Zwingli never received any gifts at Christmas from Caerthalian (who had since changed his name to Santa Claus a variant of the Dutch Sinter Klaas which was the Dutch nickname for Saint Nicholas) because they were consistently naughty throughout the year.

As such when grown men, all 3 consistently argued for justification by faith.

Thus from Caerthalian’s/Santa Claus’ penchant for only giving gifts to good little girls and boys, the seeds of the Protestant Reformation were born.

Caerthalian’s/Santa Claus’ discriminatory policy of not giving gifts to the ethically challenged would be thoroughly repudiated by Jorge Mario Bergoglio in the 2nd decade of the 21st Century.

Turning to the point where the second and third decades of the 21st Century would merge- Christmas Eve 2020- after a meeting of demons and fallen angels in the newly formed Council For Inclusive Debauchery, it was agreed that the half-demon half-goat Krampus (who was the most unholy creature at December in the territory of the old Holy Roman Empire) should kidnap Santa Claus on the night of December 24th and commandeer his gift laden one horse open sleigh that was driven by eight reindeer (Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen) plus Rudolph (who had been putting in a special cameo appearance every Christmas Eve since 1939).

Olive the other reindeer would stay home and get plastered drinking Mrs. Claus’ rum laced eggnog.

This year Krampus would be carrying a special gift that was made by the Wuhan Institute of Virology.

Bill Gates was already rubbing his hands with glee as visions of the next vaccine danced in his head.

Dr. Anthony Fauci and the Xi Jinping Commie loving idiots at WHO had already told the children of the world that Santa was immune from Covid and they should not be afraid to hug the jolly old elf if they see him.

Any change in Santa’s appearance from previous Christmasses (i.e. looking like Krampus) could be explained by an allergic skin reaction to a teen elf acne medication he was taking.

With the blessings of Dr. Anthony Fauci and the WHO, Krampus as the Santa imposter set out on his Christmas Eve mission.

It was agreed by all involved with the Council For Inclusive Debauchery that Rudolph plus the original 8 reindeer plus Olive the other reindeer should be held under quarantine so that reports of the Krampus posing as Santa story would not get out to the world and give the mainstream Marxist media in the West a chance to think up a cockinbull story knocking any honest reports of the incident.

Rudolph however managed to escape and got to the Set Estate in London where he told British MP Renfield R. Renfield the story.

Renfield went in and informed his former employer the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set of what had happened.

“What reindeer relayed this info?” Set asked.

“Rudolph,” Renfield replied.

“How do you know it was Rudolph?” Set inquired.

“Because of his red shiny nose,” Renfield answered.

Set lit himself a cigar and asked, “What is the cause of his red shiny nose?”.

“Could it be Oom-Pah-Pah?” The woman playing the female character of Nancy sang on the old LP record belonging to Set which contained songs from the 1960 musical Oliver! a musical adaptation of Charles Dickens’ classic 1838 novel Oliver Twist.

Renfield, looking back into the living room where he noticed Rudolph hitting the bottles of gin, remarked, “The lady on the record says it all.”

-A Christmas children’s story
for adults
and
vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 26th
2020.

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Cthulhu and Goat Krampus On The Feast of Stephen: A Gothic Cyberhorror Carol

December 26, 2018 at 11:50 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

(to be sung to the tune of Good King Wenceslas the 1853 Christmastide carol written by John Mason Neale)

Cthulhu and goat Krampus on the Feast of Stephen
Donald Trump destroyed young girl’s belief in Santa dreamin’
Now Saint Nick’s dark sidekick will to Trump be cruel
And make minced meat out of the toupee wearing fool


Krampus now coming for Donald Trump

Donald Trump will wreck dreams and dreamers in effort to build a wall
to make up for the fact that his dick is really small
Into the demon goat’s bag went he with his tweets a’screamin’
he’ll be taken to a real hot place where all the walls are steamin’
No hope of escape for him you see
Francis wrong and right is Dante
while Hillary switches her broomstick for a donkey

As for Cthulhu that Great Old One, he fell in love with Riana
Indonesian ghost magician who performed for Cowell’s talent panorama
Now her country came under atack by that old Anak Krakatoa
A tsunami created when that old Anakim giant’s volcano overfloweth
Now Cthulhu is really pissed and cannot stand it much longer
He will wrestle with that anakim to see which one is stronger


Cthulhu will do battle with that evil offspring of Nephilim the Anak Krakatau in vengeance for the deaths of the Sacred Riana’s countrymen and women

So Donald Trump now roasts in Hell as old Cerberus rings a bell
and Pavlov drools expecting food in that place where dead do dwell
Hades’ realm has grown quite swell as its global warming times excel
Sacred Riana waits with her ghosts possessing
to see which giant will wind up as salad dressing

The Sacred Riana awaits the outcome of the battle between Cthulhu and the Anak Krakatau

-A Gothic Cyberhorror Carol,
Supernatural Narrative Poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
On The Feast of Stephen
Wednesday December 26th
2018.

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Haiku About Santa Post-Christmas

December 27, 2017 at 8:58 pm (Poetry) (, )

Haiku About Santa Post-Christmas

After the big night
sleigh ride and two nights later
Santa still napping

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Jack O’ Hare At The North Pole: A Poem

December 6, 2015 at 8:12 pm (Children's Story, Folklore, Humour, Poetry) (, , , )

Jack O’ Hare At The North Pole: A Poem

The rabbit’s name was Jack O’ Hare
he hopped on by a polar bear
He was in the land of midnight dark
listening to the cry of husky bark
His fur now white as Arctic snow
he was a hare who travelled to and fro
Now he was headed to the North Pole
Santa’s toyshop his distant goal

He came to a town with lights aglow
that reflected off the midnight snow
the town’s lights were made of bright candy cane
there was one that stood on every lane
He came to a barber shop with a barber pole
and said to himself “That is the North Pole”
He heard Santa’s voice ringing across the snow
chortling a crisp snowy “Ho-Ho- Ho!”
They were words to which Kim Kardashian might take offense
even though her butt caused the Internet so many dents

Jack O’ Hare said hello
While elves were feeling mellow
they sang a happy song
this little elvish throng
and Jack when he dropped off his Christmas list
stopped to give Mrs. Claus a merry kiss
This caused Santa to fly into a jealous rage
leaving open the reindeer cage
and the flying reindeer were off in a jiff
causing Santa to undergo another tiff

As Santa sent his lasso into the midnight sky
Jack O’ Hare said good-bye
There was Santa on the moon
tripping over fork and spoon
as the cow mooed a cowshed tune.

-A Jack O’ Hare poem
written by Christopher
Sunday December 6th
2015.

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December At The North Pole: A Poem

December 5, 2014 at 5:51 pm (Children's Story, Christmas, Humour, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

December At The North Pole: A Poem

Well it’s early December
a time to remember
it will soon be Christmas Eve
thought the little elf called Steve
he was putting the finishing touches on Santa’s toys
for all the good little girls and boys
It was kind of cold living at the North Pole
you put on the fire heaps of coal
to help keep you warm
during an Arctic storm
his work day was now done
but so sadly was the sun
When he headed home, it was pitch dark
so he walked to the lot where reindeer park
but he couldn’t find his keys
and it was starting to freeze
then Rudolph did sneeze
and set everything aglow
And the light showed the keys in the fallen snow
so he picked up his keys
and ate his last piece of cheese
then he put the keys in the reindeer’s horn
and off the creature sprang like a comet reborn
So off went Comet and Dancer and Vixen
when it came to rent-a-deer he had the pick of the fixin’
for this is what they do when it’s not Christmas Eve
they fly home tired elves just like old Steve.

-A Christmas poem for children
written by Christopher
Monday December 1st
2014.

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Haiku About Santa Claus and Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

December 4, 2013 at 6:45 pm (Humour, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Haiku About Santa Claus and Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

Santa’s beer keg gone
could be the cause of Rudolph’s
red shiny nose though

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