Rahaf al-Qunun Granted Asylum In Canada

January 11, 2019 at 11:39 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield drank a toast in champagne with his fellow British Transhumanist Party caucus MP the Welsh vampiress Morgana over the fact that Saudi woman Rahaf al-Qunun was being able to toast her new found freedom in red wine aboard a flight from Bangkok Thailand (via Seoul South Korea) to Toronto.

Toasting her new found freedom in red wine would no doubt cause many extremist Wahhabi imams in Saudi Arabia to roll over in their soaked liquid filled mattresses (caused by nocturnal and daytime emissions brought about by visualized thoughts of the 72 dark eyed houri promised them).

Earlier this evening, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced that the Canadian federal government would be granting refugee status to Miss Rahaf al-Qunun in Canada.

After having made the announcement, Justin spent a few minutes wondering about what had become of his beloved cannabis marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever.

The pot smoking and prickly little fellow had been kidnapped last month by Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (the daughter of well known 1920s and ’30s mad scientist Dr. Fu Manchu of Sax Rohmer narrative fame) in retaliation for last month’s arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou by Canadian authorities on the orders of the “jealous because we’re lagging behind China in developing 5G networks” U.S. government.

Justin Trudeau missed conversing with the rather silent little fellow but more importantly missed the cannabis smoke exhaled by the greenhouse creature with the prickly disposition.

Inhaling all that smoke would allow him to converse with the ET gray Gali-Gula from planet Nibiru (who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula).

For some reason, the Canadian Prime Minister was only able to see the odd looking and eccentric gray little creature when he had been inhaling pot.

Justin was seeking Gali-Gula’s advice on who he should get to replace Scott Brison as President of the Canadian Treasury Board next Monday.

As Renfield sipped the champagne (and wondered whether 2004 was a good year as far as the French champagne growers were concerned), he thought of his good friend the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh who was the pearl white sparkling incisors smiling vampirically immortal granddaughter of the late Vietnamese President Ho Chi Minh.

Renfield and Ho had recently worked together in poisoning Apple CEO Tim Cook (again in retaliation for the arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou at Vancouver International Airport).

Ho Babylon Minh was the one responsible for tonight’s happy conclusion in the Rahaf al-Qunun case.

When Rahaf al-Qunun had been detained by Thai authorities at Bangkok International Airport back on January 6th and a Saudi diplomat had confiscated her passport (no doubt with the same wanna be enthusiastic charm shown towards Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi consulate in Istanbul back in October), Ho Babylon Minh had rushed to Thailand to converse with her friend the King of Thailand.

As a result of Ho’s intervention, Miss Rahaf’s deportation back to Saudi Arabia was delayed.

If Miss Rahaf had been sent back to Saudi Arabia, it would most likely have been a race between her family and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s rather extensively large diplomatic janitorial cleaning service to see who could kill her first.

The United Nations Commission on Human Rights intervened and granted Rahaf al-Qunun refugee status.

Causing Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman to burst a blood vessel in his middle finger as he was examining plans for a Mark of the Beast system to be implemented for future citizens of his proposed autonomous NEOM economic zone along the Red Sea.

And now Rahaf al-Qunun was headed towards a new life in Toronto Canada.

. . .

U.S. President Donald Trump was lying in bed when suddenly the ghost of Sir Laurence Olivier appeared in front of him.

Olivier was portraying the role of Tom Snout a character in William Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Tom Snout was a tinker and one of the “mechanicals” of Athens an amateur theatre troupe putting on Pyramus and Thisbe a play within a play within A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Snout played the part of the wall separating Pyramus and Thisbe in Pyramus and Thisbe.

Olivier as Tom Snout as the Wall spoke thus,

In this same interlude it doth befall
That I, one Snout by name, present a wall…

With that a 219 inch colour TV built by Samsung appeared in mid-air.

“It may cost anywhere between $10,000 and $100,000
but far cheaper than $5.7 billion which only a knave and an ass would spend…”

Trump started screaming as his toupee suddenly became infested with the same black coloured crickets and cockroaches that had suddenly and mysteriously infested Mecca within the past few days.

Lexington his butler and valet entered the Presidential bedroom as Trump’s secret service bodyguards were fast asleep as they were no longer being paid due to the government shutdown.

“Is there something the matter, sir?” Lexington called out in the darkness.

“I’m having to shampoo my hair with a blow torch,” Trump cried back.

“Very good, sir,” Lexington closed the door and went back to bed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 11th
2019.


Rahaf al-Qunun: Off to a new life in Canada.

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Donald Trump’s Phone Call With Saudi Crown Prince

November 19, 2018 at 11:56 pm (Crime, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

The verdict was in.

The CIA, CSIS, MI-6 and the German Federal Intelligence Service were all convinced that Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman had personally ordered the brutal and savage murder of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi,

But as Donald Trump brushed all the squirrel droppings and walnuts out of his toupee, he knew in his heart of hearts and brain of brains that he had more intelligence put together than any intelligence agency on the planet (or anyone else for that matter).

He sung to himself, “MBS killed no one, this I know, for the Saudi Crown Prince tells me so.”

He said to Lexington his valet as he dressed for bed, “I had a long phone conversation with the Saudi Crown Prince tonight, Lexington.”

“Delighted to hear it, sir,” his British butler answered.

“Lexington, do you know if we have a U.S. Consulate in Istanbul?” Trump asked.

“I believe we do, sir,” Lexington answered.

“I wonder if it would be possible for us to find a Turkish fiancee for CNN’s Jim Acosta,” Trump mused aloud.

“Good God, sir,” Lexington’s face turned ghostly white, “and just what was the gist of your conversation with the Saudi Crown Prince?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday November 19th
2018.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster’s vision (just before his lobster tank exploded again) of DARPA contract assassiness Panty Goatee disguised as actress Emma Watson telling the car driver, “Take me to the U.S. Consulate here in Istanbul.”

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Gali-Gula Proposes An NRC Contract Assassin, Cthulhu On California Coast and The 3 Fates of Greek Mythology

August 6, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Gali-Gula Proposes An NRC Contract Assassin, Cthulhu On California Coast and The Three Fates of Greek Mythology

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was feeling depressed.

The reason?

Deteriorating relations with Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦.

Canada had called for the release of Saudi-American woman human rights campaigner Samar Badawi from jail after being arrested by the so-called “reform” government of asshole Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.

Saudi Arabia over the protest froze all trade with Canada and expelled Canada’s ambassador to Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦.

One of the Saudi government’s verified Twitter accounts showed an image of a Saudi plane flying towards Toronto’s famed CN Tower about to crash into it (thus supporting British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s theory that some high Saudi government officials secretly backed Osama bin Laden and the 9/11 attacks).

The tweet was later deleted but had been caught by Canadian Government computer screenshots.

Inhaling marijuana smoke breathed out by Strawberry Fields Forever the Canadian Prime Minister’s pot smoking desert cactus 🌵 plant inside the greenhouse, Gali-Gula the ET gray from Nibiru appeared to the pot inhaler Justin Trudeau and suggested that the NRC (National Research Council of Canada) create an NRC equivalent of DARPA contract assassin Pan Goatee who will conduct assassinations on behalf of the Canadian government.

Justin replied that was a good idea and said in the meantime that he was going to ask British MP Renfield R. Renfield to pay a visit to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman given Renfield’s recent triumphant victories over the Russian Wolves nationalist motorcycle gang and the Mexican Disciples of Santa Muerte drug cartel.

. . .

Cthulhu the several hundred metres tall giant octopus 🐙, dragon 🐉 and human (first foreseen by early 20th Century American horror writer H. P. Lovecraft) was approaching the City of San Francisco, California.

“Oh shit,” said Democratic Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi on the deck of her boat when she saw him approach and proceeded to do just that.

Giving a whole new meaning to the term Poop 💩 Deck.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield wearing a t-shirt that said PSYCHOPATHS 4 GOOD (that was bought for him by New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont after his recent massacre and mass bodily dismemberment of the entire Disciples of Santa Muerte drug cartel) and a pair of Pan Goatee image emblazoned Hawaiian style boxer shorts was giving a speech to the Annual August Summer Banquet of the London Press Club.

Sitting in the audience were the 3 beautiful Fates of Greek Mythology- all of whom had become quite smitten with Renfield.

Renfield began his speech, “In the words of a great wise man… a journey of a thousand miles always begins… with a trip to the washroom.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 6th
2018.

The 3 Fates of Greek Mythology listening to British MP Renfield R. Renfield speak at the Annual August Summer Banquet of The London Press Club

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Encore of Lilith In Saudi Arabia

April 2, 2018 at 10:22 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote 4 years ago this past month- a vampire novel chapter entitled Lilith In Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦.

A news background to this story is that the U. S. Secret Service had just been involved in a scandal involving cavorting with prostitutes when they were supposed to be guarding U.S. President Barack Obama on a recent visit to Colombia 🇨🇴.

Dracul Van Helsing

Lilith In Saudi Arabia

The beautiful and sexy Babylonian Vampiress Lilith was in Saudi Arabia.

She was inside the oasis camp of Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah outside the Saudi capital of Riyadh.

She had come to eavesdrop on the conversation between Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah and U.S. President Barack Obama.

She flew directly over the King’s Saudi bodyguard.

And she had no trouble getting past the U.S. Secret Service detail who were supposed to be guarding U.S. President Barack Obama.

All she had to do was lift up her dress and the U.S. Secret Service bodyguards immediately started masturbating on the spot.

She hearkened to the room where President Obama and King Abdullah were meeting.

She hid behind a curtain and listened.

When the meeting was over, she turned into a bat and flew off into the night.

As he was leaving, President Obama decided to shake the hand of…

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Michelangelo’s Dream of Raymond Red Reddington and Saad Hariri

November 17, 2017 at 6:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Dream of Raymond Red Reddington and Saad Hariri

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was asleep in his aquarium at the Set Enterprises laboratory in London.

He was dreaming a dream about TV character Raymond Red Reddington from The Blacklist holding Lebanese Prime Minister Saad Hariri hostage in Riyadh Saudi Arabia.

“Why are you doing this?” Saad Hariri asked Red, “I thought you were busy sharing a blacklist with law enforcement authorities in America in return for being allowed to keep your vast criminal empire. Why are you helping the Saudis?”.

“I owe Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman a favour,” Red lit a cigar, “I have nothing against you personally.”

“Why do you owe the Crown Prince a favour?” Saad asked.

“Well I must admit it’s quite embarrassing,” Red brushed cigar ash off his trousers, “A couple of years ago I was in a Paris apartment getting the best blow job I had in my life from an extremely charming and beautiful young Saudi businesswoman Miss Fatima Suleiman when unexpectedly the Saudi Religious Police (who seem to have some trouble knowing where their jurisdiction lies) came bursting into the room. They were going to charge the charming Miss Fatima with adultery and take her back to Saudi Arabia where she’d be stoned (in a different sense of that word from Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau inhaling too much pot smoke). I felt it would be a terrible tragedy for the world if it were to lose Fatima’s delicious lips of mass exhilaration. So I phoned Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and asked that he commute her sentence and that she be allowed to remain in Paris where she could continue to perform oral healing on me. His Highness agreed on condition that I owe him a favour which he could call in at any time.”

“What became of the Saudi Religious Police officers who witnessed Fatima’s actions?” Hariri inquired.

“His Highness drafted them into the Saudi Army and sent them to the front lines of Damascus to fight Bashar al-Assad’s forces where of course they were killed immediately,” Red poured himself a glass of bourbon.

“And the favour the Crown Prince called in was for you to hold me hostage and get me to resign as Prime Minister of Lebanon 🇱🇧?” Hariri was beginning to see the light.

Reddington quickly closed the blinds.

“That is correct,” Red finished his bourbon.

“So why is the Crown Prince now allowing me to fly to Paris at the invitation of French President Emmanuel Macron?” Saad asked.

“Beats me,” Reddington shrugged, “For myself, I’ve always been suspicious of any French male politician who wears more makeup 💄 than Caitlyn Jenner and the Kardashian sisters put together.”

“So it’s a mystery why I’m being allowed to fly to Paris, France 🇫🇷,”
Hariri noted.

“Well there are rumours that a few days ago a kraken calling himself Napoleon VI burst into Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s palace while His Highness was hosting a seafood banquet,” Reddington opened a tin of smoked oysters, “and after eating all the seafood, the kraken demanded that His Highness release you.”

“And so as a result of the kraken’s digestive actions, I’m now flying to Paris,” Saad Hariri was impressed.

“That appears to be the case,” Red started eating the oysters using chopsticks, “as for myself, I appear to have misplaced my fork.”

“Say, Red,” Hariri looked imploringly at Reddington, “what’s the address of Miss Fatima Suleiman’s apartment in Paris?”.

Michelangelo woke up and wondered how much of his dream was reality.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 17th
2017.

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Napoleon VI Looking For A Public Relations Coup

November 12, 2017 at 7:30 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Napoleon VI Looking For A Public Relations Coup

The kraken who called himself Napoleon VI (formerly Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus who had uploaded his consciousness into the body of a cyborg octopus 🐙- part octopus and part robot) had been moping around the house ever since he lost the 1st round of the French Presidential election this past April coming in 12th of the 12 Presidential candidates running.

His wife Medusa (the ex-Gorgon) was getting sick of his constant moping and his constant bellyaching for a bellyaching kraken is not a pleasant sight.

“Why don’t you do something concrete?” Medusa scolded as she stood in her new Christian Dior evening gown and read a new book explaining the possible whereabouts of ex-Teamsters boss Jimmy Hoffa, “Instead of constantly complaining, do something to get your name in the news. The French electorate are regretting having elected Emmanuel Macron President. Do something positive and praiseworthy and you’ll become famous and get elected President of France next time.”

“But what can I do?” Napoleon VI wondered which one of his 8 metallic tentacled arms he should use if he was ever invited to play golf with Donald Trump.

“Well, there’s talk of a possible war between Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦 and Iran 🇮🇷. Why don’t you see if you can’t bring peace between the two countries? Then you’ll be hailed as the great peacemaker,” Medusa adjusted her gown.

“I suppose I could,” Napoleon VI realized he’d probably have to skip the Monte Carlo Monopoly Game Board Tournament if he were to do that.

. . .

The two Bedouins riding on their camels 🐫 through the Arabian Desert were startled to see a giant octopus 🐙 parachuting out of a plane ✈️ and landing on the sands not far from them.

“I say,” the Kraken Napoleon VI spoke in a Monty Python style British accent thinking that this would make him more understandable to people who only spoke Arabic, “can you direct me to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s palace in Riyadh?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 12th
2017.

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Saudi-Iranian Relations and The Case of The Renfieldian Interpreter

January 4, 2016 at 8:26 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Saudi-Iranian Relations and The Case of the Renfieldian Interpreter

“So I’m now involved in diplomacy and peace-making efforts,” Renfield informed Amadeus.

Amadeus spewed the Coca-Cola out of his mouth upon hearing these words and the liquid went flying to the other side of the room where it hit the computer screen.

“God, now I feel like the Ancient Greek Titan Hyperion for some reason,” Amadeus wiped his mouth with his handkerchief.

Athelstan the butler and valet entered the room and started applying Bavarian Magic Mushroom Stain Remover to the computer screen.

“As you know the Boss,” Renfield was referring to their employer the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, “is quite concerned about the fact that his brother, brother-in-law and rival Osiris has been clandestinely involved in world peace- making efforts ever since his sub- atomic particles were re-assembled and put back together again back in Halloween of 2014. So the Boss would like to be involved in international diplomacy himself.”

“So, why isn’t he?” Amadeus started to cry over his spilled Coca-Cola.

“Well,” Renfield explained as Amadeus started blubbering away, “as you know, the Boss has been heavily involved the past few months in intense aromatherapy sessions to see if this will help him overcome his fear of garlic. And as such, he’s passed the efforts in international diplomacy on to me.”

Amadeus collapsed to the floor where he started laughing hysterically.

“I say, Amadeus,” Renfield sipped his whiskey, “have you ever thought of seeing the doctor and getting a check up to see if you’re bipolar?”.

Athelstan started vacuuming the carpet around the hysterically laughing Amadeus.

When Athelstan had finished vacuuming and Amadeus had returned to his seat, Renfield went on, “As you know tensions have been rising between Saudi Arabia and Iran over the Saudi government’s recent execution of Saudi Shia cleric Sheikh Nimr al-Nimr. Demonstrators stormed the Saudi Embassy in Tehran and set the place on fire. This past Sunday, Saudi Foreign Minister Adel al-Jubeir announced that the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia was breaking off diplomatic relations with Iran and was giving Iranian diplomats 48 hours to leave the country. Saudi Arabia’s allies Bahrain and Sudan have likewise broken off diplomatic relations with Iran and the United Arab Emirates has downgraded its diplomatic team in Tehran. The United States government is as always overcome by paralysis when confronted with a crisis and the U.S. President is busy consulting the astrological birth chart of his favourite uneaten oyster to see what he should do about the situation. Into this diplomatic minefield, I have now stepped.”

The globe of the world in the middle of the room shook.

“And what have you done?” Amadeus asked with some trepidation.

“I wrote a Document of Understanding between the two countries and had it translated into both Arabic and Persian and sent a copy to each country to sign,” Renfield grinned.

“Who did you use as a translator?” Amadeus asked as he bit into a grilled cheese sandwich.

“I can’t pronounce his name but here it is,” Renfield wrote the man’s name on a piece of paper and handed it to Amadeus.

“He once served as a translator on a trip the then U.S. President Jimmy Carter took to Poland almost 40 years ago,” Renfield smiled.

“Was he the fellow I recently read about,” Amadeus reflected, “who when Carter said “I want to come to know the Polish people”, he translated as “I want to come to have carnal relations with the Polish people” and when Carter said, “I’ve come to help the Polish people fulfill their desires for the future”, he translated it as “I’ve come to help the Polish people fulfill their lusts for the future.” That was the guy you used to translate your Document of Understanding?”.

Renfield’s face turned red with horror upon hearing Amadeus’ words.

“Well, I suppose we should now prepare for war between Saudi Arabia and Iran,” Amadeus stated as the globe of the world fell off its axis and bounced around the living room.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 4th
2016.

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Strange Craft At The Hajj

October 3, 2014 at 4:36 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Espionage, Mystery/horror, News, Religion, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Strange Craft At The Hajj

It was the start of the Hajj- the annual 5-day pilgrimage for Muslim pilgrims to the Saudi Arabian city of Mecca.

The Hajj- the annual 5-day pilgrimage to Mecca that all able-bodied Muslims are required to perform at least once in a lifetime if they can afford it.

The Hajj- the 5th and final pillar of Islam that is supposed to cleanse Muslims of sin and bring them closer to each other and to God.

The pilgrimage begins at Mina 5 kilometres (3 miles) away from the city of Mecca for the start of the pilgrimage.

The pilgrims or Hajjis as they’re called then walk the 5 kilometres to Mecca.

They are dressed in simple white garments called “”ihram” which give them all equal status.

They perform several rituals during the Hajj including walking counter clockwise seven times around the Kaaba in Mecca, drinking from the Zam Zam Well and performing a symbolic stoning of the Devil.

A strange craft flew over the city of Mecca- an aircraft that managed to avoid the Royal Saudi Air Force ever since it entered Saudi air space.

The aircraft bore the strange name Robur The Conquerer II.

It flew in the direction of Mina where the 5-day Hajj pilgrimage began.

The aircraft Robur The Conquerer II then touched the ground and a door opened letting out two strange creatures.

Each creature had the face and hump of a camel but the arms and feet of a kangaroo and was able to hop and jump at great speed like a kangaroo.

The creature was called a Camellamaroo and was a hybrid animal genetically created by Set Enterprises’ Chief Research Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

The creatures had been specifically and specially created for a mysterious client of Set Enterprises.

( For more background on Dr. Cadbury Rocher and the Camellamaroo, please read the following:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/08/10/dr-cadbury-rocher-and-his-camellamaroos/ )

Meanwhile in Riyadh the Saudi Arabian capital, a Saudi government spokesman told the world press that the government had done everything to ensure that this year’s hajj pilgrimage would be Ebola free.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 2nd
2014.

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Lilith In Saudi Arabia

March 28, 2014 at 6:21 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith In Saudi Arabia

The beautiful and sexy Babylonian Vampiress Lilith was in Saudi Arabia.

She was inside the oasis camp of Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah outside the Saudi capital of Riyadh.

She had come to eavesdrop on the conversation between Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah and U.S. President Barack Obama.

She flew directly over the King’s Saudi bodyguard.

And she had no trouble getting past the U.S. Secret Service detail who were supposed to be guarding U.S. President Barack Obama.

All she had to do was lift up her dress and the U.S. Secret Service bodyguards immediately started masturbating on the spot.

She hearkened to the room where President Obama and King Abdullah were meeting.

She hid behind a curtain and listened.

When the meeting was over, she turned into a bat and flew off into the night.

As he was leaving, President Obama decided to shake the hand of the lead U.S. Secret Service agent who had been guarding him.

“Good God,” were President Obama’s first words as he boarded the Marine One helicopter, “anybody got a wet hand wipe?”.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 28th
2014.

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