Atargatis In Moscow

October 14, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Art History, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, painting, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis in the Kremlin

Russian President Vladimir Putin had stopped off in a Kremlin tea shop to watch the broadcast of the Russian state controlled television news network.

Said news announcer Dmitri Bullshitovich, “In London, England today two members of the environmentalist group Just Stop Oil threw tomato soup at Vincent Van Gogh’s famous 1888 painting Sunflowers at the National Gallery in London.
The contents of two tins of Heinz tomato soup were thrown at the painting.
The ghost of Andy Warhol was overheard to say, “Thank God no cans of Campbell’s Tomato Soup were used.”
The two Just Stop Oil climate change protestors’ 15 minutes of fame came to a sudden and abrupt end when British MP Renfield R. Renfield used the headsman’s axe from the 1933 Alexander Korda directed Charles Laughton starring film The Private Life of Henry VIII to chop off one of each of the two airheaded protestors’ hands (which they had foolishly glued to the wall underneath the painting).
Athough the Metropolitan London Police Force in a press release statement rather euphemistically described the Renfield procedure as “Specialist officers have now unglued them…”
As the protestors were led away in one handcuff each, a holographic image of American singer-songwriter Don McLean appeared and started singing, “I could have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you…”
As an organ grinder and his monkey were gunned down and killed outside the National Gallery as yet another example of London’s rising crime rate, the holographic image of Don McLean then appeared outside and began singing “The day the music died…”
Meanwhile all across England, members of Just Stop Oil were apparently visited by an invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit (seen by members who had been drinking Harvey Wallbangers) and had an American cream pie laced with tomato soup thrown in their face.
After the cream pie was thrown, the ghost of Vincent Van Gogh then appeared and started singing, “I have no ear for music…”

Russian President Vladimir Putin continued walking down the hall, “I have the feeling that that particular Russian state television news story was true.”

Indeed it was for Putin’s supernatural spirit advisor the demon Moloch (who was appearing to Putin in the guise of Saint Michael the Archangel) had fled upon hearing the news story for he couldn’t stand listening to the truth.

When Putin entered his office, he was surprised to see the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis sitting there.

Putin recognized it was Atargatis from an unknown (to the world) Vincent Van Gogh portrait painting of Atargatis that the Kremlin owned.

The painting had been purchased from Van Gogh by a Saint Petersburg art dealer just before the artist died in 1890 and had been given by the art dealer to Czar Alexander III that same year of 1890.

“What does Atargatis the mother of Semiramis the 1st queen of Babylon want with me?” Putin asked.

“I want you to stop invading Ukraine, turn around and invade the State of Israel instead,” Atargatis answered.

Putin spit the tea he had just sipped out of his mouth.

The tea went flying across the room and hit the ghost of Orson Welles in his beard.

It was a good thing Welles was a ghost.

Otherwise he’d have tea stains in his beard.

“And what are you doing here?” Putin asked Welles’ ghost.

“I’ve come to make you an offer from Renfield R. Renfield that you can’t refuse,” Welles pulled out a spectral violin case.

Atargatis? Or Welles?

Whose offer should he Putin accept?

“You’ll be the new villain of Hannukah if you invade Israel,” Welles pointed out.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 14th
2022.

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Semiramis On The Night of The Hunter’s Moon

October 9, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, News, Personal essays, Philosophy, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Semiramis the Queen of Babylon on the Night of The Hunter’s Moon

The full moon in October is called the Hunter’s Moon.

And Semiramis the Queen of Babylon was out standing in the moonlight in the backyard gardens and gazebo grounds of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London estate.

The Queen of Babylon was not sure why she was there on this night of all nights.

The Night of the Hunter’s Moon.

She just felt drawn to come here tonight for some reason.

The Hunter’s Moon, Semiramis thought.

Interesting as she recalled her husband Nimrod of many millenia ago was called in Genesis Chapter 10 “a mighty hunter against the Lord”.

Today Nimrod the once “mighty man” is a little green frog who is occasionally seen in the company of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith, is also seen in the company of the cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus and also serves as an advisor to NASA on the Artemis moon rocket program (even though he knows nothing whatsoever about building moon rockets).

Semiramis suddenly heard footsteps approaching as she stood alongside the gazebo landing.

It was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing approaching.

In his right hand he carried a suitcase containing video footage of Russian President Vladimir Putin making out with various high-priced escort call girls in the Catherine The Great Moscow Hilton Hotel in downtown Moscow Russia which is owned by Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff.

Van Helsing and Set Enterprises were hoping to use the video footage to blackmail Putin and prevent him from launching a nuclear attack on Ukraine or the West.

Van Helsing could have sent the video footage to Set Enterprises via the Internet but thought the video footage might be destroyed by Russian hackers or the American CIA’s Science and Research Division (that had been headed by the Operation Paperclip landed immigrant Nazi vampire Dr. Eichmann Mengele since 1950) which wanted global nuclear war or Google just because the technocrats who run Google are a bunch of assholes.

“Van Helsing,” Semiramis gasped.

The Queen of Babylon had encountered Van Helsing on previous occasions.

“Semiramis,” Van Helsing acknowledged the Queen of Babylon.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re the spitting image of Carson Cody Albion the private eye?” Semiramis asked.

“A few people have told me that,” Van Helsing answered, “Isn’t Carson Cody Albion the private eye supposed to be immortal? In the same way that Sherrielock Holmes the lesser known twin sister of Sherlock Holmes is likewise literally immortal? Although Sherrielock became immortal as a result of eating a Lingzhi Supernatural Mushroom omelette and drinking a Lingzhi Supernatural Mushroom milkshake. I have no how idea how Carson Cody Albion became literally immortal.”

“Rumour has it,” Semiramis answered, “that he became immortal after drinking milk from the sexy incredible well endowed breasts of my very beautiful and very young looking mother the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis.”

“Really,” Van Helsing was intrigued, “Any idea where your mother is now?”.

“None, whatsoever,” Semiramis replied.

Van Helsing loked disappointed.

He’d have to continue searching for Ponce de Leon’s Fountain of Youth in Florida.

A sudden rumble came from the night sky.

Semiramis and Van Helsing looked up.

It was the Celtic stag god Cernunnos chasing a demon elk.

A couple of years ago a Calgary based geopolitical analyst friend of Renfield’s had written a blog post (out of the blue) about a demon elk seated on a throne in Rome’s catacombs who was being worshipped by a group of Cardinals and Western world political leaders.

Today at the Spanish language evangelical church the geopolitical analyst attended a woman described an experience she had this past Tuesday where she had encountered a demonic looking elk on a highway in Idaho.

The elk smashed her windshield and the woman had to keep her eyes closed so that the glass that covered her face wouldn’t enter her eyes and she’d go blind.

She was rushed to hospital by ambulance where all the glass that surrounded her eyes was carefully removed and thanks to prayer and the amazing team of doctors and nurses, her eyes were saved.

That same Tuesday the geopolitical analyst was having a dream about the Celtic stag god Cernunnos hunting a demon elk.

He was awakened by his bozo landlord who needed to get into his room to the electric control panel in his room so he could momentarily shut off all the power in the house.

The bozo landlord did so.

And did so without stepping on the geopolitical analyst’s tablet that was being charged on the floor.

However the landlord was making such a racket upstairs, the geopolitical analyst decided to go get a haircut as he needed one.

When he got home, he was shocked to discover his tablet and his cord and plug in complete disarray on the floor as the bozo landlord had stepped all over it.

His tablet that had a perfect appearance for years was now full of cracks.

He had been getting severe eyestrain the past few days from trying to read and write on it.

But that was obviously nothing to the terror that this woman in his church must have felt this past Tuesday over the fact that she could possibly go blind with her face and eyelids covered in glass from the broken windshield on her car after her car made contact with a demonic looking elk on a road in Idaho.

Ironically enough, the geopolitical analyst had recently written a blog post about Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie on a road in Idaho.

And then this woman’s testimony regarding her eyes and eyesight in Church on this Sunday October 9th 2022.

Another amazing thing is this Calgary based geopolitical analyst was raised Anglican and in the Canadian Anglican Book of Common Prayer, October 9th is the Memorial Commemorative Date of Robert Grosseteste a scholar who became the Bishop of Lincoln and died in the year 1253.

Robert Grosseteste studied the science of optics and wrote extensively on the subject.

He also invented the first pair of glasses ever invented in medieval Europe.

Robert Grosseteste also taught the young Roger Bacon science.

Roger Bacon was also the medieval philosopher who invented the Baconian scientific method (It can be found in Roger Bacon’s Magnum Opus which was one of the geopolitical analyst’s favourite books in the Medieval Philosophy class he took at the University of Alberta)).

Scholars of the Enlightenment couldn’t handle the idea of a 13th Century Franciscan monk inventing the Baconian Scientific Method so they lied and claimed that it was the late 16th and early 17th Century Protestant and Rosicrucian Freemason Francis Bacon (who conveniently had the same last name) that came up with the Baconian scientific method.

So in a matter dealing with eyes, a geopolitical analyst has had severe eyestrain the past week from trying to read and write on a cracked tablet, a woman almost lost her eyesight after her car windshield came crashing in during an encounter with a demonic looking elk on an Idaho highway and the geopolitical analyst found all this out in Church on the Anglican Memorial Commemorative Day of Robert Grosseteste the Bishop of Lincoln who studied the science of Optics and invented the first pair of eye glasses in medieval Europe.

A dream about a demon elk, an actual encounter with a demonic looking elk this past Tuesday.

Anything else?

Well the Calgary based geopolitical analyst almost died from severe food poisoning as a kid from eating a piece of undercooked wild game animal meat from… an elk.

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
-Hamlet, Act I, Scene v, lines 167-168.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 9th
2022.

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Semiramis At CERN While The Spear of Destiny Goes Missing

September 29, 2022 at 10:22 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Semiramis The Queen of Babylon poses for a photo back in the early 1940s

Semiramis the queen of the City of Babel was standing outside the entrance to the tunnel of the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.

The statue of Shiva the Destroyer outside the tunnel came to life and started dancing with Semiramis.

They danced to the 1st Movement of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata that was being performed by holographic images of Andre Rieu and His Johann Strauss Orchestra.

When the 1st Movement was over, Shiva went back up on top of his pedestal and became a statue again.

Semiramis, on the other hand, still dressed in an elegant evening gown, crawled into the pilot cockpit of an old World War I scarlet Fokker Triplane and flew to Kiev.

“That was my ex-wife,” Nimrod the little green frog mentioned to the cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus as they walked by.

“I know,” Asmodeus lit his 666th cigarette of the day.

Nimrod the little green frog had been Nimrod “the mighty hunter against the Lord” in the Book of Genesis and the builder of the Tower of Babel.

Somehow his body had been found aboard a UFO that had crashed in Arctic Ocean waters just slightly north of Tuktoyaktuk, Northwest Territories, Canada.

His body had been found next to the bodies of dead ET grays.

Nimrod’s body had been taken to DARPA headquarters in the U.S. where it had been dethawed.

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith had flown to DARPA headquarters and stolen Nimrod’s body.

She tried to revive Nimrod by kissing him with a magic potion that she had put on her lips.

Nimrod the prince of Babel had been revived but he had been turned into a little green frog as a result of the faulty magic potion on her lips.

“So what’s happened?” Nimrod asked as he licked a black fly ice cream cone.

“Well there have been four leaks on the Russian Nord stream gas pipelines in the Baltic Sea,” Asmodeus switched over to a vaper because Asclepius the ancient Greek god of medicine had recommended that he cut down on cigarette smoking.

“What caused those leaks?” Nimrod asked.

“Well according to the fallen Archangel Mephistopheles whom I ran into at a cigarette and magazine stand in Rome, the Nazi vampire Dr. Eichmann Mengele who has been the Science and Research Director of the American CIA since 1950 ordered their sabotage,” Asmodeus lit his vaper with his lighter.

“Is he telling the truth?” Nimrod finished his cone.

“It’s hard to tell with fallen angels,” Asmodeus burnt his fingers on the lit end of the vaper.

. . .

The curator of the Hofburg Treasure House in the Hofburg Palace in Vienna Austria had just been informed that the Spear of Destiny aka the Spear of Longinus (the lance said to have pierced the side of Christ) had been stolen.

The Spear of Destiny had been seized by Hitler when he took over the city of Vienna in the Anschluss of March 1938.

In the final days of the Third Reich, it wound up in the hands of the Americans and eventually came into the possession of Gen. George S. Patton who returned it to the Hofburg Museum.

“What nation,” the Hofburg Treasure House curator wondered, “had now stolen the Spear of Destiny?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 29th
2022.

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Semiramis Recalls Harvey Tallbanger

February 18, 2021 at 11:17 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Semiramis the immortal Queen of Babylon in the back of an automobile with Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir

The lecherous old leech Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir had picked Semiramis up outside the British Houses of Parliament.

He had told the immortal Queen that he had rented the entire London Philharmonic Orchestra for her to give them their own private concert.

He had instructed the chauffeur to drive them to the Royal Albert Hall.

Of course there would be no London Philharmonic Orchestra waiting there.

Instead the “never say die” Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was hoping to make out with Semiramis in one of the auditorium seats.

He had always wanted to do that with some woman.

The only trouble was there was usually always an event of some sort at the Royal Albert Hall.

However these times of Covid had put an end to such events.

And Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was hoping to take advantage of this opportunity.

As Lord Frolic’s car drove through the streets of London, they passed by the ghosts of Orson Welles and Winston Churchill.

“Rita,” Orson’s ghost called out for Semiramis looked very much like Orson’s late ex-wife Rita Hayworth.

“I do believe,” Churchill was smoking a spectral cigar, “that is Semiramis the immortal Queen of Babylon although the resemblance she bears to your ex-wife is quite remarkable. I met Semiramis once at the Tehran Conference in 1943. I remember she kicked Josef Stalin in the testicles when he got too fresh with her. Which made our talk (Churchill’s, Roosevelt’s and Stalin’s) of opening up a second front against Germany by June 1944 all the more amusing.”

The car continued to drive down the street leaving Welles looking mournful and Churchill looking reflective.

The car then stopped at a traffic light at an intersection where British Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab was standing likewise waiting for the light to change.

This past Sunday Raab had said that the British government should consider having UK citizens carry vaccine passports in order to enter such places as supermarkets.

As he stood there, a cream pie was thrown in his face by a seemingly invisible entity.

Meanwhile inside the car:

Semiramis (looking thoughtful): I have the feeling I’ve seen that rabbit somewhere before.

Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was somewhat startled by this assertion, “You see a rabbit out there?”.

“Yes,” Semiramis nodded, “a 6 foot 8 tall purple coloured bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears.”

“Really?” Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was starting to wonder whether his date for this evening was clinically insane, “And when did you last see him?”.

“Several thousand years ago when my husband Nimrod first proposed building the Tower of Babel,” Semiramis recalled, “That rabbit threw a cream pie in Nimrod’s face.”

“Cream pies have been around that long?” Lord Frolic of Tweedsmuir was surprised.

“Yes, for as long as that rabbit has,” Semiramis nodded.

. . .

The little green frog Nimrod (who had been the Biblical Nimrod- “the mighty hunter against the Lord” – way back in the day) was sitting on a patient’s couch in the office of London psychiatrist Dr. Morgana Jones.

Nimrod had been turned into a little green frog some years ago when a kiss from the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith went awry.

“So, Mr. Nimrod,” Dr. Morgana Jones, with pen and notepad in hand, addressed the frog, “How long have you been afraid of cream pies?”.

“For several thousand years now,” Nimrod answered, “Ever since a very tall purple bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears threw a cream pie in my face after I proposed building a tower that could reach the heavens.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 18th
2021.

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Renfield Discusses The Merger of Marxism and Spiritist Necromancy

August 28, 2020 at 10:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was discussing some of this week’s past events with his friend Amadeus Emanon.

“Well as senility prone Joe Biden is in his basement at his Delaware home talking to his pot smoking cactus plant Sweet Dementia about how he doesn’t need to take a cognitive test while the mainstream Marxist oriented news media in the U.S. and Canada is busy singing his praises, the ghost of Orson Welles is in the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s basement wine cellar drinking barrels of ghostly spectral red wine and weeping over the fact that his birthplace of Kenosha Wisconsin is undergoing burning, rioting and looting by anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans urged on by Neo-Bolshevik agitators.”

“What’s the difference between ghosts and the entities who are summoned in seances, spiritist channeling and necromancy?” Amadeus asked.

“Well from talking to your friend the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Church of England’s leading exorcist on the subject,” Renfield answered, “a ghost is a spirit of an actual deceased person who for reasons known only to God is allowed to roam on the earth in places that are often referred to by mortals as being haunted. A ghost is also a spirit of a deceased person occasionally allowed to leave Purgatory for occasional short periods of time as William Shakespeare noted about the ghost of Hamlet’s father in his play Hamlet and as Charles Dickens noted about the ghost of Jacob Marley in his 1843 novella A Christmas Carol. And then for whatever reason, the ghosts of Orson Welles and Winston Churchill have been allowed to leave Purgatory the past couple of years where they’ve spent a great deal of time hanging around my parliamentary office and the vampire Set’s estate as well as various other places.”

“What about the entities who are summoned in seances, spiritist channeling and necromancy?” Amadeus asked.

“They are for the most part demons only posing as spirits of the dead which is why the Book of Deuteronomy Chapter 18 forbade the ancient Israelites from engaging in the practice of necromancy or summoning spirits,” Renfield explained, “although there was one notable exception when God actually allowed the spirit of Samuel to leave Sheol (that shadowy realm of the dead that the ancient Greeks called Hades and the ancient Norse called Hel) and appeared to King Saul to talk to him much to the surprise of the witch of Endor who had summoned him and was expecting a deceiving spirit or demon to appear and not the real Samuel’s ghost.”

“So that’s the difference,” Amadeus nodded, “A ghost is a spirit of an actually deceased person who remains behind on earth after death and haunts a certain place or else the spirit of an actually deceased person who’s allowed to leave Purgatory on occasion while an entity summoned in a seance, spiritist channeling or necromancy is usually a deceiving demon just posing as and pretending to be the spirit of an actually deceased person.”

Renfield nodded, “That’s right.”

Amadeus then said, “What got me curious was the email you sent me before we went on to Skype asking the question can a Marxist be a spiritist necromancer?”.

“And we’ll get in to that later,” Renfield sipped a bottle of Coca-Cola, “what I noticed about the Kenosha riots is that in this set of looting and burning riots (that the brainless mainstream media always calls “peaceful protests” although they’ve now invented the Orwellian Doublespeak Newspeak misnomer “peaceful clashes” for the Kenosha riots- a contradiction in terms if there ever was one), a couple of anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans found themselves being shot and killed no doubt much to their surprise. It really shouldn’t have been much of a surprise. If you’re going to go around rioting, looting and burning all the time, don’t be surprised if people start getting pissed off and start shooting you.”

“Do you think the new trend of shooting rioters and looters will continue?” Amadeus inquired.

“I think it will,” Renfield nodded.

“So what did you think of Pope Francis’ weekly Wednesday audience address this past August 26th?” Amadeus wanted to know.

“The one where he all but called for a One World Marxist-Leninist global government?” Renfield poured a Josef Stalin autographed bottle of 1940s Russian vodka into the same garbage can where Claude Rains as Captain Louis Renault had poured a bottle of Vichy Water in the 1942 film Casablanca, “He’s finally shown the last of his true colours. The Virgin Mary had told the three shepherd children at Fatima in the words of the Third Secret that Satan would infiltrate to the very top of the Catholic Church and he has. Or at least a willing puppet has. Pope Francis comes across as being too intellectually challenged and dim witted at times to be actually possessed by that most intelligent of Archangels- Lucifer.”

“Pope Francis is sort of an ecclesiastical Joe Biden?” Amadeus took a look at a dumbell that a weightlifter had recently dropped on the floor.

“Or Joe Biden is an American political equivalent of Pope Francis,” Renfield nodded, “Then yesterday August 27th the World Council of Churches joined with the Vatican in issuing a joint statement all but calling for the creation of a Marxist-Leninist One World Government.”

“So all the Red chickens are coming home to roost?” Amadeus ate a well roasted and devilshly hot piece of chicken wings.

“They are,” Renfield added some rum to his glass of Coke, “so what’s your answer to my question that I emailed you? Can a Marxist be a spiritist necromancer?”.

“Well I always thought a Marxist was supposed to be a militant atheist,” Amadeus answered, “so how can they possibly engage in a supernatural form of witchcraft such as spiritist necromancy?”.

“That was always my opinion,” Renfield agreed, “But as you know the three women who started the Black Lives Movement organization are all admitted Marxists. As you know on the BLM About page, their stated goal is the creation of a Marxist state where both the nuclear family and fatherhood are done away with and children are raised by the state. So I thought being Marxists, they’d be good militant atheists as well. But then the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit came across a Zoom interface video that two of the founders had with each other.”

“And what does that video show?” Amadeus inquired.

“One of the founders says she summons the spirits of those black people who have died in police custody or at the hands of police to come to her and they apparently come,” Renfield added some more rum to his drink.

“Really?” Amadeus put down his slice of lemon meringue pie.

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “One of the BLM founders says that she often laughs with Wakiesha in her room. They have many a laugh together. Wakiesha Wilson is the name of a young lady who died in police custody in 2016.”

“So the BLM Marxist founders say they can summon ghosts?” Amadeus was flabbergasted, “But the deliberate summoning forth of ghosts by mortals is necromancy which is a form of witchcraft and is condemned in Deuteronomy Chapter 18? Namely because the spirit being summoned is usually a demon posing as the ghost of a deceased person?”.

“Yep,” Renfield went on, “So all these professional athletes who wear BLACK LIVES MATTER on their shirts, when they bow and kneel, what type of invisible entities are walking by when they bow and kneel?”.


Semiramis the Queen of Ancient Babylon wonders: Will anyone invoke and summon her?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 28th
2020.

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Saint John’s Eve

June 23, 2020 at 10:47 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The last few days had been a haze for Quentin Talbot.

He had booked a room in the Royal Alexandria Hotel in Alexandria.

He had gone downstairs to the lobby and found himself transported back in time to 1939.

There had been a ball going on in the hotel ballroom.

He had gone in and met a woman who claimed to be Thessalonike of Macedon the half-sister of Alexander the Great.

Somehow Quentin found himself aboard a ship in Alexandria’s harbour.

Thessalonike had jumped overboard and turned herself into a mermaid.

Quentin then recalled something that a London art gallery curator and art dealer named Dashwood Forrest had told him.

There was an old legend that Thessalonike of Macedon had turned into a mermaid shortly after Alexander’s death.

The ship soon found itself off the coast from the Suffolk town of Dunwich on the North Sea coast.

Dunwich had been the capital of the Kingdom of East Anglia at one time and a major international port.

Its decline began when three great storms struck the town- one in January 1286, one in February 1287 and a third in December 1287.

Most of the buildings that had been present in 13th Century Dunwich including 8 churches had disappeared with the storms.

Local legend has it that at certain tides, church bells can still be heard beneath the waves.

Tonight as the tides surged in a great storm, Quentin could hear the bells ringing beneath the waves.

Quentin soon found himself being taken off the ship by dwarf like creatures.

Unbeknownst to him, the dwarf like creatures were korrigans from the Breton region of France.

At the same time over in Rome, another group of korrigans from Britanny were exiting a wooden statue of the Baphomet on wheels inside the Vatican.

Quentin soon found himself being taken down to the beach where Thessalonike (who had since shapeshifted back into human shape) was standing in front of an altar by a huge bonfire.

Thessalonike was dressed in the robes of a Druidic priestess and holding a huge sacrificial knife.

Quentin deduced that things weren’t looking too promising for him when the korrigans tied him to the altar.

A huge black dog with large red eyes, gigantic bared teeth and shaggy black fur came and sat by the bonfire.

The dog was that infamous Hellhound of English folklore known as the Black Shuck who was said to haunt the coastline and countryside of East Anglia.

The dog started to howl.

Of course, the Black Shuck was singing a song but to Quentin’s ears, it sounded like howling.

The song the Black Shuck was singing was, How Much Is That Human Sacrifice By The Window?

Coincidentally a stained glass window of Saint Elizabeth (cousin of the Virgin Mary) holding a baby Saint John the Baptist from one of Dunwich’s 8 lost sunken ancient churches had washed up on to the shore alongside the altar.

“Welcome to Saint John’s Eve 2020,” Thessalonike smiled a sinister smile at Quentin as she raised the knife.

“British Prime Minister Boris Johnson says you’re not practicing social distancing,” Dracul Van Helsing shouted as he aimed a crossbow and hit Thessalonike in the chest with an arrow.

“Shit,” Thessalonike started bleeding like a woman in a TV commercial for an obviously unsuccessful tampon product.

She headed to the ocean and dived in turning into a mermaid.

Gurkas from British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s personal British Army Brigade started wrestling with the korrigans.

Eventually Quentin was freed and the Saint John’s Eve Dunwich Human Sacrifice for 2020 was cancelled.

Van Helsing went to a nearby pub to have several cold beers while Quentin Talbot was taken to a doctor.

Inside the pub, Van Helsing was approached by the ancient Babylonian Queen Semiramis.

“Sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong, eh, Van Helsing?”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 23rd
2020.

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Tales of 3 Cities and A World Gone Mad

May 17, 2020 at 10:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Tales of 3 Cities and A World Gone Mad

There were reports of a mermaid seen leaping up and down from the waters of the River Seine in Paris while a fire breathing black horse was seen galloping along its banks.

A pirate ship had allegedly appeared on the Tiber River in Rome flying the Jolly Roger flag of a skull and bones.

The pirate claimed to be named Baldassarre Cossa.

An Italian historian told BBC News that Baldassarre Cossa was a Cardinal who became the antipope John XXIII in 1410.

John XXIII was a Pisa based claimant to the Papacy opposed to Antipope Benedict XIII (an Avignon based claimant to the Papacy) and Pope Gregory XII (a Rome based claimant to the Papacy).

The Council of Constance was called in 1413 and asked that all 3 claimants should abdicate so that a new Pope could be elected ending the schism.

Pope Martin V was elected ending what history calls the Western Schism.

The Antipope John XXIII (Baldassarre Cossa) had once been a pirate in his younger days.

And now a pirate ship was sailing down the Tiber with someone claiming to be Baldassarre Cossa.

The pirate ship passed by several floating wooden statues of the Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama.

Meanwhile on the empty streets of New York City (where the only person present was New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo who was selling hot dogs to the demon Moloch and some of his demon friends) a black panther (the actual cat and not the comic book and movie character) was walking down the street.

There were reports from some NYC policemen that the black panther had turned herself into a beautiful young woman with a Serbian accent who identified herself as Irena Dubrovna and was seeking directions to the Central Park Zoo.

A film historian told CNN’s Anderson Cooper that Irena Dubrovna was also the name of a character who appeared in the 1942 Jacques Tourneur directed film The Cat People about a young Serbian female fashion illustrator of that name said to be able to shapeshift into a black panther.

“The whole world is going insane,” thought the immortal queen Semiramis who was listening to all these strange X-Files like news reports on the radio.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Sunday May 17th
2020.

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Qonzilqointec and The Statue of A Long-Necked Crane

June 8, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec and The Statue of A Long-Necked Crane

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was in a room in the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.

Dressed in an exquisite lilac purple evening gown, Qonzilqointec knelt on a neo-Louis XIV royal Bourbon blue chair alongside a modern statue of a long-necked crane raising its beak towards a lantern of good fortune.

Into the room walked her friend and lover the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

He had just returned from Jerusalem Israel where he had escorted Miranda Singh (the Executive Secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) who was beginning a top secret mission for British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“Your Highness,” Dracul addressed the Aztec vampiress, “you look the epitome of regal royalty.”

Qonzilqointec smiled, “Those weren’t the words Donald Trump spoke when I lay on his neck and threatened to drain every ounce of blood from his body unless he decided to drop the tariffs he was threatening to impose on my homeland of Mexico.”

“I see you were successful in your negotiations,” Dracul noted, “The U.S. has reached an agreement with Mexico and will not be imposing the tariffs Trump had threatened to impose starting this Monday.”

“Having lived 600 years, I have mastered the art of the deal,” She approached Dracul and gave him a non-fatal hickey.

. . .

The ghost of Orson Welles was having a spectral dream.

He dreamed of his wife Rita Hayworth as Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon speaking to a bird who was a parrot-raven hybrid created by a 1930s mad scientist forerunner of an early 21st Century Transhumanist scientist.

Said Rita as Semiramis to the parrot-raven hybrid,

“Oh bird who spoke to Poe in the bleak December
Crossed with a bird who can’t shut up and is able to remember 
The world is confused and troubled 
And about to burst an economic bubble 
Putin warns of a new arms race
Stretching from sea to outer space 
Because on arms control, the U.S. won’t negotiate 
Preferring to leave humanity’s hands up to a very dark fate
“Nevermore” you might cry
As peace dove falls from the sky 
Lenore is lost but so are we all 
The end result of Eden’s fall.

-A vampire novel chapter
and poem
written by Christopher
Saturday June 8th
2019.

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Dracul and Semiramis In Paris

May 26, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was at Quasimodo’s Cafe in Paris waiting for the European Parliament election results to come in.

He phoned his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield who was in London.

“Hi, Renfield,” Dracul greeted him, “How’s your party doing?”.

“We’re ahead of the Conservatives,” Renfield was already on his 10th cognac in celebration, “so we’ll be sending a few MEPs to Strasbourg and Brussels. Nigel Farage’s Brexit Party has done the best so that must have been one lucky milkshake that some protester doused him with. How is the Kraken’s Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party doing?.”

“Well given the results so far, the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party will be sending at least 2 MEPs to Strasbourg and Brussels,” Dracul looked at the television screen inside the cafe.

“So that means the Kraken Napoleon VI himself and his wife Medusa will be sitting in the European Parliament,” Renfield lit himself a cigar.

“That will be the case,” Dracul admitted, “Have you heard how Theresa May is taking the results?”.

“According to the gypsy fortune teller and psychic Dulcinea Lucia whom I ran into earlier tonight,” Renfield replied, “She says she saw Theresa May drowning her sorrows in a pub accompanied by the ghost of an 18th Century pirate.”

“Well, she’s one up on Margaret Thatcher then,” Dracul ordered a Napoleon brandy, “I don’t think the Iron Lady ever did that.”

“No, I don’t think so either,” Renfield considered the possibility, “The closest she ever got was when she said to Argentine President General Galtieri over the Falkland Islands Malvinas, your place or mine?”.

“The Kraken arrived in the cafe about an hour ago,” Dracul noticed the large octopus was downing champagne by the bucketloads, “He just got in from Tel Aviv. While there, he was told by Miranda the mermaid that sinister forces have developed a flesh eating killer seaweed designed to destroy France. Of course the Kraken already encountered that sinister piece of future sushi wrapping when he left Marseille for Tel Aviv yesterday.”

In the restaurant where Renfield was sitting, he ordered some sushi rolls from the waitress upon hearing this news.

“So, what’s new with you?” Renfield asked the vampire hunter.

“Well, a few days ago, I was kidnapped by the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis while sitting in a Paris movie theatre attending a large screen showing of the movie Casablanca,” Dracul recalled.

“That must have been exciting,” Renfield was pleased by the restaurant’s quick delivery of the sushi rolls.

“It was,” Dracul smiled.

“What did she want?” Renfield said as he dove into the sushi rolls with his chopsticks.

“She wanted me to give her King Arthur’s battle banner on which was an image of a red dragon the famous Red Dragon Banner whose image is actually able to breathe fire in battle,” Dracul stated.

“And did you give it to her?” Renfield inquired.

“Oh, I gave it to her all right,” Dracul smiled again, “But not the Red Dragon Banner. That’s a family heirloom.”

“Well, I see the ghosts of Orson Welles and Winston Churchill are walking in through the door to join me in celebration,” Renfield finished his sushi rolls, “so I better go. Have a good night.”

“You too, my friend,” Dracul put his smartphone back in his pocket.

He looked towards a corner booth in the cafe and noticed Semiramis the legendary former Queen of Babylon sitting there.

As often happened when Dracul Van Helsing encountered goddesses and legendary queens, the setting had changed to black and white.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 26th
2019.

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Semiramis and Dracul Van Helsing: A Place In The Sun

April 12, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )


Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon with General Alberto Alfonso Diega

The year was 1948.

And Semiramis was in a certain part of the globe standing alongside General Alberto Alfonso Diega the Deputy Foreign Minister in Generalissimo Francisco Franco’s Spain.

Semiramis had helped Franco’s Spanish Nationalists defeat the Spanish Republicans in the Spanish Civil War.

As such Ernest Hemingway in his 1940 novel For Whom The Bell Tolls never bothered to mention her by name in retaliation for her efforts.

Semiramis, although a fan of John Donne’s poetry and even some of Hemingway’s other writings, didn’t really care.

She feared that if the Spanish Republicans won the Civil War in Spain, the Stalinists would emerge victorious out of all the Republican factions.

She found Stalin to be a boorish and savage little brute.

In this respect, her judgment was more sound than that of many foreign policy advisors in the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Administration.

And now on this day General Diega and some of his men served as her bodyguards at a particular site.

Unknown to the Spanish troops but known to Semiramis, the site was the location of Alexander the Great’s tomb.

In her hand, Semiramis held a watch to see which time traveler showed up first.

Semiramis holds a watch in her hand.

Meanwhile Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau was on a wild goose chase having been fed faulty information by allies of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

The wild goose chase had taken him to a flock of wild geese on Beaverhill Lake near Tofield, Alberta, Canada.

“Damn!” Kohler sneezed as he had a severe allergy to wild geese.

Next Kohler found himself in a Classical Music LP Record warehouse.

He went up to a Terminator robot that looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

In his hand, Kohler held a slip of paper with the code word question.

He spoke to the futuristic robot.

“Excuse me, where can I find the Brandenburg Concertos?” Kohler asked the Terminator.

“Aisle B, Bach,” the Terminator replied.

As Kohler went off to discover the explosive LP that would explode in the SS officer’s face, Dracul Van Helsing arrived in time to claim the watch from Semiramis.

“You have won, Van Helsing,” she smiled at him.

And under a beautiful night sky, Semiramis revealed her secrets to Van Helsing including the location of Alexander the Great’s tomb.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 12th
2019.

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