Michelangelo’s Morning Routine

March 18, 2021 at 10:36 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

“I had a really bad dozen years.”
-Adolf Hitler reflecting on his time as leader of Germany from 1933-1945 which oversaw the Holocaust, the invasion and takeover of several countries and World War II resulting in millions upon millions of deaths.

“All right, Herr Hitler, we’ll let you return to your rotating barbeque spit down in the flames of Tartarus,” Renfield finished his radio interview, “I imagine you must use the same speechwriter as members of the Atlanta Georgia Police Department.”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster woke up from his dream as his waterproof alarm clock (with the face of Groucho Marx on it) went off.

Coincidentally Renfield was doing a newscast on BBC World Service Radio as the lobster stretched his claws and got out of bed.

“Meanwhile in other news,” Renfield’s voice could be heard saying, “a giant cloud of dust emerged from the Vatican today as Pope Francis opened his Bible…”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster crawled out of his aquarium, grabbed a towel from a nearby drawer and crawled down the hall to the Set Enterprises Employees Shower Room where he took a shower.

Extremely Curious George the recently cloned and genetically created stegosaurus of Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher gazed at the lobster with a look of extreme bafflement on his face as he watched for the very first time this morning routine of the world famous Psychic Lobster.

Of course others at Set Enterprises (who had been around a lot longer than the recently cloned and genetically created stegosaurus) still looked at Michelangelo’s morning routine with extreme bafflement on their faces whenever they saw it.

The only ones who didn’t take a second look were Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague as well as the ghost of Winston Churchill whenever he happened to be visiting Set Enterprises Laboratories.

And speaking of Dr. Marmalade Montague, he had the body of Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun on a gurney with his mouth stretched wipe open about to receive the contents of 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin being poured down his throat through a contraption recently invented by Dr. Montague.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (dressed in a surgeon’s gown) had, last night, in his third post-mortem performed on the leprechaun since the start of this year, determined the cause of death to be Guinness laced with an extremely high content of a particularly toxic variety of cobra venom.

The other two times Yaldabaoth had died since the start of 2021- the 1st cause of death had been eating lutefisk and the 2nd cause of death had been drinking a bottle of champagne laced with Fire Salamander venom.

Coincidentally on all three occasions Yaldabaoth had keeled over and died on the spot after seeing a beautiful woman wearing a killer outfit.

Now Dr. Marmalade Montague was once again using 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin to bring Yaldabaoth back from the dead.

“I think Hendrick’s Gin should start advertising this medicinal benefit of their product for leprechauns in their TV commercials,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to Set Enterprises Intelligence Secret Agent Miranda Singh.

“Maybe someone should let them know,” Miranda suggested.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 18th
2021.

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Ragnarok Approacheth

November 8, 2020 at 11:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

“I’d like to thank all the dead voters who helped me win this election…”
-Joe Biden in a special recorded message to residents of cemeteries.

“When the Norse god of thunder accidentally hit his thumb with his hammer Mjolnir once, his thumb was mighty Thor.”
-The Norse trickster god Loki

“If you were to take all the veins and arteries in your body and line them up from end to end, you’d be dead.”
-Dr. Marmalade Montague
eccentric scientist at Set Enterprises’ laboratories, London, England

“There is a division in the world today between objective reality and a fictional narrative as presented by the mainstream media.
Despite overwhelming objective evidence of a massive electoral fraud never before seen in U.S. history, the mainstream media insist that Biden won legitimately and even proclaimed him President-elect yesterday even though the vote counts haven’t been finished yet and the recounts haven’t even begun.
Biden and Covid-19 are both holograms (artificial realities) created by global elitists to pave the way for their Great Reset New World Order.
Biden and Covid-19 will be used until such time as they have served their purpose and will then be replaced by two new holograms Covid-21 and Kamala Harris when the Great Reset finally comes into view.”
-Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano in a letter dated and released Sunday November 8th 2020.

Michelangelo the Psychic lobster noted that the Vigano letter was indeed objective reality and other statements might be attributed to a Calgary based geopolitical analyst’s fictional narrative which was much more interesting and definitely better written than the mainstream media’s fictional narrative (although the geopolitical analyst’s fictional narrative contained more kernels of truth than the mainstream Marxist media’s fictional narrative ever could).

Michelangelo went back under the water and had his breakfast.

A Haitian witch doctor (who was Hillary Clinton’s personal voodoo instructor) had been brought in last week to raise Confederate soldiers and KKK members from the dead to go to the polls and vote in favour of Joe Biden.

After all Joe Biden had been a very good friend of KKK Democratic Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia who kicked the bucket back in 2010 and Biden had given a glowing eulogy at the latter’s funeral.

Biden had made numerous racist and anti-black statements over the years including his most recent, “If you’re a black who’s going to vote for Trump, then you ain’t black enough.”

Despite being a white supremacist and associating with Klansmen, he had pledged allegiance to both Xi Jinping and the coming Great Reset New World Order.

And that was all the global elitists, the mainstream Marxist media and the Neo-Maoist social media global tech giants (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Google) cared about.

The Norse god Loki had used the asshole of his son the Norse World Serpent Jormungandr to shit ballots for the Biden-Harris ticket out of his ass to use in the states of Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania as well as the states of North Carolina, Georgia and Arizona.

Suddenly a thought occurred to Loki.

In order for Jormungandr to shit Biden-Harris ballots out of his ass, he had to release his tail out of his mouth.

For Jormungandr was an ouroboros a serpent who swallowed his own tail.

Suddenly a thought hit Loki.

An old Norse prophecy said that when Jormungandr released his tail from his mouth, the Battle of Ragnarok (the Norse Apocalypse and the Norse equivalent of the Biblical Battle of Armageddon) would begin.

And he Loki would die at Ragnarok.

“Oh shit,” Loki began hitting his forehead, “Oh, what a dummy.Oh, what a dummy.”

Meanwhile Loki’s son Fenrir the great Norse wolf was happily frolicking through the snow.

Dr. Marmalade Montague of Set Enterprises was looking at a blown up slide of the genome of the Covid-19 virus after Michelangelo had brought it into clearer focus with his lobster claws.

He was shocked to see something in the genome of the Covid-19 virus that no one else had seen before.

There clearly inserted into the genome was a photographic image of the Norse wolf Fenrir frolicking in the snow.

Pope Francis was having a conversation with one of his Cardinals Samhain Cardinal Salaman.

“I wish someone would rid me of this troublesome Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano,” Francis moaned.

“Well, I think there’s been a wide supply of poisons available in the Vatican since the days of the Renaissance hasn’t there been, your Non-Holiness?” Cardinal Salaman asked.

The ghost of Lucrezia Borgia wandered through the room carrying a spectral bottle of poison while Amorous Laeticia (the pet black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft) hid her large saucer of Baileys Irish Cream (that she preferred to milk) in a safe place that Lucrezia wouldn’t be able to tamper with.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 8th
2020.

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