Saint George’s Day and Extremely Curious George

April 23, 2021 at 10:18 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Friday night podcast.

First he was covering history:

“It was on this day April 23rd:

-in 303 AD that Saint George died
-in 1014 that Brian Boru the High King of Ireland died after having just defeated the Vikings in battle at the Battle of Clontarf (it also happened to be Good Friday that year)
-in 1616 that William Shakespeare died (he had also been born on the same date back in 1564).”

. . .

Renfield then examined current news stories:

“Yesterday April 22nd was Earth Day and thus senile old fool Joe Biden held a Virtual Climate Summit via internet video conferencing to mark the occasion.
Among the many speakers at the summit were the UN’s Communist Secretary-General Antonio Guterres, billionaire and failed 2020 U.S. Democratic Presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg, famed eugenicist and population control advocate Bill Gates, Communist China’s paramount leader and Wuhan Institute of Virology CCP Virus super super super superspreader Xi Jinping, and of course the most boring, most heretical and most apostate pontiff in recent memory Pope Francis.
The Pope concluded his message “in commemoration of Earth Day when this destruction of nature will hopefully end.”
The Pope (nor did any other speaker at the summit) did not mention the fact that the co-founder of Earth Day in 1970 Mr. Ira Samuel Einhorn later murdered and attempted to compost his girlfriend.”

. . .

Meanwhile Set Enterprises’ genetically created stegosaurus named Extremely Curious George managed to use this evening of Saint George’s Day to escape from Set Enterprises’ Laboratories.

Extremely Curious George had been cloned by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher using stegosaurus blood that was found in a perfectly preserved prehistoric mosquito found in amber.

Henry to Heloise: “All this talk of extinction of species and here’s a stegosaurus raiding our refrigerator.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 23rd
2021

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The Edge of Darkness

April 6, 2021 at 10:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Amadeus Emanon had watched the evening news before heading to Saint Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic Church C. Of E. Parish (that he attended) to take part in the Easter Tuesday evening service.

On the news, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson told a group of people that his government would be introducing a vaccine passport.

Shortly after making the announcement, a malt vinegar laced fish and chips cream pie was thrown in Boris Johnson’s face by an invisible entity.

Although a London bobby (who had been imbibing too many Harvey Wallbangers that afternoon) swore that it was a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit (purple in colour with big pink floppety ears) who had thrown the cream pie in Johnson’s face.

“Harvey Tallbanger certainly has his work cut out for him these days,” Amadeus thought as he walked to Saint Genevieve’s.

Upon arriving at the Church, he noticed Fascist members of Fascist female Police Commissioner Cressida Dick’s Metropolitan London Police Service standing outside looking glum and constipated at the fact that the Church was open.

This was interfering with the plans of the Great Reset global oligarchy to bring forth the Antichrist.

Amadeus entered the Church where the service was said by one of the Church of England’s leading exorcists the Rev. Fr. Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who also happened to be the parish Vicar.

As he sat down, two elderly ladies in front of him were whispering to one another, “I see the Saudi Royal Family is joining with Pope Francis and Boris Johnson to bring forth the Antichrist and his Mark of the Beast global vaccine passport by saying that only those who have been vaccinated twice with the vaccine will be allowed to go on pilgrimage to Mecca and Medina.”

“The Devil is everywhere,” the other lady whispered.

A Metropolitan London policeman who had stuck his head in through the door retreated when the woman made her remark.

The service then started.

During the sermon Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds announced, “Hans Kung the dissident Swiss Catholic theologian, whose writings were censured by the Vatican under Pope John Paul II and CDF (Congregation For The Doctrine of The Faith) head Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, has died today at the age of 93. Let us pray that he repented of his sins and errors and embraced the true Catholic Christian Faith before he died so he won’t spend all of Eternity languishing in eternal Hellfire.”

“Amen,” said Amadeus Emanon and the two ladies sitting in front of him.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was taking Miss Sherrielock Holmes’ orange tabby cat Mr. Truffles for a walk as Sherrielock would be busy at work tonight.

Renfield sat down on a bench and started to recite Edward Lear’s poem The Owl and The Pussycat to Mr. Truffles.

Suddenly a gunshot came out of nowhere and almost hit Mr. Truffles.

Renfield chased after the assailant and brought him down tying him up.

Later in the interrogation dungeon of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s West London mansion, Renfield questioned the assailant.

“I’m a Neo-Bolshevik Communist,” said the man proudly.

“Who do you work for?” Renfield inquired.

“The American FBI,” answered the man.

The answer did not surprise Renfield as today’s FBI and CIA were positively crawling with Neo-Bolshevik Communists.

“Why did you try to kill Mr. Truffles?” Renfield asked.

“I didn’t,” the FBI agent replied, “I was trying to kill you but I was startled by a jack rabbit and I misfired.”

“Like this jack rabbit?” Renfield showed the FBI agent a photo of Jack O’ Hare a wild hare jack rabbit who used to live in the back yard of a geopolitical analyst friend of his.

“That’s the one,” the FBI agent nodded.

“Well done, Jack,” Renfield called out the dungeon window.

Jack O’ Hare perked up his ears and British actor David Jason said “Thanks” as he walked by.

“Why did you want to kill me?” Renfield asked as he took a sip from his cup of Earl Grey tea and took a bite of cheese on toast.

“Because you’re a threat to the Neo-Bolshevik Communist Great Reset New World Order,” seethed the FBI agent.

“You’ve got a point there,” Renfield felt the FBI agent’s head in the manner of a well-known 19th Century Armenian phrenologist whose name Renfield had currently forgotten.

“I know,” the agent laughed.

“Did you know that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II gave me a licence to kill a la James Bond 007 after I saved one of her Welsh corgis from drowning in a swimming pool?” Renfield put some butter on his slice of toast.

“I did not know that,” the FBI agent shrugged, “Why? Are you planning to kill me?”.

The FBI agent laughed uproariously.

Renfield pulled out his gun, pointed it at the man’s head, pulled the trigger and blew the man’s head off.

“Yes, in answer to your question,” Renfield put the gun back in his holster.

He got on the phone to Set Enterprises Laboratories and asked them to send over some man-eating nanorobots aka nanobots to eat the man’s body and lick up all the blood.

“The vampire Set doesn’t like his dungeon floor looking like a mess,” Renfield explained.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 6th
2021.

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Michelangelo’s Morning Routine

March 18, 2021 at 10:36 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

“I had a really bad dozen years.”
-Adolf Hitler reflecting on his time as leader of Germany from 1933-1945 which oversaw the Holocaust, the invasion and takeover of several countries and World War II resulting in millions upon millions of deaths.

“All right, Herr Hitler, we’ll let you return to your rotating barbeque spit down in the flames of Tartarus,” Renfield finished his radio interview, “I imagine you must use the same speechwriter as members of the Atlanta Georgia Police Department.”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster woke up from his dream as his waterproof alarm clock (with the face of Groucho Marx on it) went off.

Coincidentally Renfield was doing a newscast on BBC World Service Radio as the lobster stretched his claws and got out of bed.

“Meanwhile in other news,” Renfield’s voice could be heard saying, “a giant cloud of dust emerged from the Vatican today as Pope Francis opened his Bible…”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster crawled out of his aquarium, grabbed a towel from a nearby drawer and crawled down the hall to the Set Enterprises Employees Shower Room where he took a shower.

Extremely Curious George the recently cloned and genetically created stegosaurus of Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher gazed at the lobster with a look of extreme bafflement on his face as he watched for the very first time this morning routine of the world famous Psychic Lobster.

Of course others at Set Enterprises (who had been around a lot longer than the recently cloned and genetically created stegosaurus) still looked at Michelangelo’s morning routine with extreme bafflement on their faces whenever they saw it.

The only ones who didn’t take a second look were Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague as well as the ghost of Winston Churchill whenever he happened to be visiting Set Enterprises Laboratories.

And speaking of Dr. Marmalade Montague, he had the body of Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun on a gurney with his mouth stretched wipe open about to receive the contents of 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin being poured down his throat through a contraption recently invented by Dr. Montague.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (dressed in a surgeon’s gown) had, last night, in his third post-mortem performed on the leprechaun since the start of this year, determined the cause of death to be Guinness laced with an extremely high content of a particularly toxic variety of cobra venom.

The other two times Yaldabaoth had died since the start of 2021- the 1st cause of death had been eating lutefisk and the 2nd cause of death had been drinking a bottle of champagne laced with Fire Salamander venom.

Coincidentally on all three occasions Yaldabaoth had keeled over and died on the spot after seeing a beautiful woman wearing a killer outfit.

Now Dr. Marmalade Montague was once again using 1001 bottles of Hendrick’s Gin to bring Yaldabaoth back from the dead.

“I think Hendrick’s Gin should start advertising this medicinal benefit of their product for leprechauns in their TV commercials,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to Set Enterprises Intelligence Secret Agent Miranda Singh.

“Maybe someone should let them know,” Miranda suggested.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 18th
2021.

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Labour Disruption and Strike At Set Enterprises

November 24, 2018 at 11:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Science, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Last night, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was on his way to the Set Enterprises laboratory to receive a vision from Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster that was intended for his eyes only.

However due to a traffic delay caused by an extremely idiotic driver and the subsequent shooting of that extremely idiotic driver, Renfield was late getting to the Set Enterprises laboratory.

The site was now called Set Enterprises Laboratories and Rug Emporium (as Renfield’s former boss the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had now gone into business with the Persian goddess Anahita to sell Persian rugs together).

They had hired Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria (who had first met and made out in a police interrogation room at Scotland Yard) to demonstrate how easy it was to hold tantric sex couplings on Persian rugs thus increasing the popularity of sales.

However once Renfield got to the Laboratory and Rug Emporium, the union of Persian rug employees and workers were now on strike after smoking and inhaling Canadian recreational cannabis that had been smuggled aboard a Canadian Federal Government commissioned Air Canada flight from Ottawa to London.

The rug emporium employees were now on strike demanding higher wages so they could buy higher doses of cannabis laced products so they could go on higher trips.

Their picket lines were now surrounding the Set Enterprises building and they weren’t letting anybody in.

Renfield decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to reach under his raincoat and grab his semi-automatic weapon and blow the whole lot of them to kingdom come for two reasons:

Firstly, any tourists present might think they were no longer in London but some locale in the United States and Trump would soon be tweeting his thoughts and prayers to them while not standing up to the narcissistic jackals and jackasses in the NRA who were against any form of gun control (save for a brief period in the 1960s when it became apparent that members of the Black Panthers were buying large amounts of weapons and the NRA were screaming for the government to do something and impose some form of government control over gun purchases but the memory of that brief period the current NRA leadership and membership sought to erase from most History textbooks).

Secondly, Renfield did not want to alienate any potential British Labour Party voter who might be inclined to vote for his British Transhumanist Party (Renfieldian Transhumanism was not your Ray Kurzweil Google brand of Transhumanism or Jeff Bezos Amazon brand of Transhumanism but as the ghost of the late Prague Spring of 1968 Czechoslovakian leader Alexander Dubcek called it, “Transhumanism with a human face.”).

Since the striking rug employees were higher than a kite, Renfield used his new Dr. Cadbury Rocher Cosmos brand Smart Phone to put in a call to the Niburuan ET gray Gali-Gula.

The ET gray Gali-Gula arrived in his UFO Flying Saucer and walked out to speak to the striking workers.

In the platinum plated metallic iron gloves on his hands he carried the marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever.

Strawberry Fields Forever’s normal habitat was the greenhouse of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in Ottawa where the Prime Minister (who had picked up the Prince of Wales’ habit of talking to plants) would go and chat with the cannabis pot smoking cactus plant and inhale the plant’s exhaled smoke as he did so.

Then Justin could truthfully tell the Canadian news media that his lips never touched a marijuana cigarette.

Renfield looked at his watch.

He was late for a hot tub appointment with some of Japan’s top female porn stars who were currently visiting Britain.

Renfield decided he’d leave it to the Niburuan mediator the ET gray Gali-Gula to end the strike.

Michelangelo’s vision for Renfield’s eyes only would have to wait for another day.

His vision of Japanese lady porn stars in a hot tub for his eyes only were far more important.

He left.

The ET gray Gali-Gula told the crowd that his ET gray body was in fact possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula and they could only see him if they inhaled pot smoke.

The crowd was not impressed and still refused to swear off pot smoking.

Gali-Gula said, “I’ll show you the hazards of excessive pot smoking and inhalation.”

He once again picked up the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever in his platinum plated metallic iron gloved hands.

“Show them the aftereffects of excessive pot smoking and inhalation,” Gali-Gula addressed Strawberry Fields Forever.

The pot smoking cactus plant then started hiccoughing and sneezing cactus needles in the strikers’ direction.

The strikers still refused to swear off pot smoking.

“Desperate times require desperate measures,” Gali-Gula did his best voice impersonation of Sir Winston Churchill while speaking to Strawberry Fields Forever.

“And now for something completely different,” Gali-Gula spoke to the crowd while impersonating the voice of the Monty Python TV show announcer, “And far more drastic. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau doing a naked phallic impersonation of Donald Trump.”

Justin Trudeau had ingested Dr. Cadbury Rocher designed Reverse Viagra tablets a few hours before so his phallus would be the right size for doing a Donald Trump impersonation.

The holographic image of Justin Trudeau doing a Donald Trump phallic impersonation was astral projected from Ottawa to London.

He had a special guest to help him in his performance.

The image of a naked Justin Trudeau doing a Donald Trump phallic impersonation and doing a lap dance in the naked lap of a totally nude possible future House speaker Nancy Pelosi was an image far too horrifying for even an H.P. Lovecraft to conceive.

It was also an image far too horrifying for the striking employees of Set Enterprises Rug Emporium to receive.

They swore off pot smoking and cannabis inhalation for life.

The strike ended.

Gali-Gula had saved the day and the night.

And PTSD therapists would be receiving a multitude of clients the next day.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 24th
2018.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Rick Santorum’s Wife Being Shot

March 26, 2018 at 10:21 pm (Commentary, Crime, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Rick Santorum’s Wife Being Shot

Amadeus Emanon was in the Set Enterprises laboratory eating a dozen grilled cheese sandwiches and watching Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was in his aquarium playing with a waterproof Sherrielock Holmes leather skirted dominatrix Barbie doll.

Suddenly Michelangelo let out a penetrating screech which caused Amadeus to momentarily pause in the middle of eating one of his grilled cheese sandwiches 🥪.

Thirty seconds later Amadeus resumed eating as Michelangelo picked up a psychic vision from the future on his lobster antennae.

The vision was of British MP Renfield R. Renfield on his first political trip to America as a member of the British House of Commons.

Mr. Renfield was at a fancy cocktail 🍹 🍸 political reception in Washington DC.

Absent from the reception was Donald Trump because his hairpiece toupee had been stolen by a Kraken who had mistaken it for a fresh water nest of baby salmon eggs.

“Caviar is being served,” Lexington the White House valet announced.

Among the guests at the reception were former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum and his wife Karen Garver Santorum.

Mrs. Santorum went up to the table where caviar was being served when she was confronted by a man waving a gun.

The man had been diagnosed with a dozen different mental illnesses by psychiatrists at one of the country’s leading medical centres last year.

Last week he had been re-elected the Membership Secretary of his local chapter of the NRA.

And this morning he had purchased a dozen different assault rifles from a local store including the one he now pointed directly at Mrs. Santorum.

The man pressed the trigger eight times in rapid succession.

As FBI agents ran to tackle the man, Renfield spoke sharply to the mentally inept American politician Sen. Rick Santorum, “Don’t stand there like an idiot. Go perform CPR on your wife.”

“But… but… but..” Sen. Santorum stammered, “I’ve never taken a CPR course in my entire life.”

“You’re as useless as tits on a bull aren’t you?” Renfield handed Sen. Santorum his glass of champagne, “Here hold this.”

Renfield ran over to Mrs. Santorum saying, “I have taken a course in CPR.”

Then he glared angrily back at Sen. Santorum, “Shows the truth of that old saying… Those who can, do. Those who can’t, pontificate endlessly on one of many subjects they know nothing whatsoever about.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 26th
2018.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Donald Trump’s Proclamation of Himself As A God

November 2, 2017 at 3:27 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Donald Trump’s Proclamation of Himself As A God

Renfield R. Renfield the newly elected British Transhumanist MP had had a busy day.

He discussed Brexit with British Prime Minister Theresa May.

He discussed the Spanish crisis with British Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson.

He discussed with Opposition Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn a private member’s bill to get the government to build safer low cost Community Housing in the wake of the Grenfell Tower fire tragedy.

He welcomed into his office a marble bust of Sir Winston Churchill that he had commissioned as he had decided that Churchill was the British politician he most wanted to emulate.

He had a phone conversation with German Chancellor Angela Merkel in which he said that it would be best for NATO if they booted the Turkey of despotic would be Ottoman Sultan Recep Tayyip Erdogan out of the Alliance saying it was not a good thing to have a “demagogic despotic radical Islamist wolf learning NATO’s secrets.”

He received a confidential email from Russian President Vladimir Putin in which the Russian leader invited the possible future Prime Minister to be his puppet.

Renfield in his response told Putin to go blyad himself as “I’m no Donald Trump.”

And speaking of Donald Trump, Renfield went down to the Set Enterprises laboratory to consult with Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster to see what Donald Trump was up to today.

Michelangelo used his visualization technique and then transmitted the images and sounds via his psychic lobster antennae to Renfield’s iPad tablet.

Donald Trump stood in front of a large mirror and proclaimed to his image, “You are a god, Donald, and not a mere mortal. What other person on the face of the earth can force NFL players to bend the knee with the Imperial decree of a mere Twitter tweet?”.

Michelangelo then received a vision from the future – the year 2020- showing a Donald Trump Re-Election commercial.

The imagery of the commercial showed dozens of NFL players on their knees in front of their respective benches as the TV commercial’s announcer solemnly intoned, “At the name of Donald every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Donald Trump is Lord.”

Well, Renfield thought to himself, I should upload Michelangelo’s visions to social media. That will be one surefire way of getting NFL players to stand for the U.S. National Anthem in the future.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 2nd
2017.

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The Young Renfield

December 15, 2015 at 9:33 pm (Humour, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Young Renfield

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was thinking back to the first Christmas after he had genetically created Renfield R. Renfield from a combination of human and hamster DNA.

He remembered the young Renfield building his first snowman outside the Set Enterprises premises at the start of his work day.

When Dr. Rocher walked out of the grounds after work, there was a huge puddle of water outside the gate and the young Renfield was crying bucketloads of tears.

“What happened, Renfield?” Dr. Rocher asked.

“Well,” Renfield blubbered, “I thought Frosty could use a sun tan but when I put the sun lamp on him and left for a while, he melted.”

Poor Renfield, Cadbury laughed and shook his head.

Surely, Renfield had changed.

Meanwhile on this day outside Dr. Rocher’s lab, Renfield tried to pick up the short skirted actress Lucy Liu (who plays Joan Watson on Elementary) and was sent flying by her kick boxing kick over the fence back into the Set Enterprises yard.

His copy of his own book Renfield’s Surefire Pick- Up Lines To Pick Up Women was left lying in the snow on the very spot where Frosty the Snowman had melted years before.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 15th
2015.

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Michelangelo’s Dream of Donald Trump

July 19, 2015 at 7:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Dream of Donald Trump

As Amadeus Emanon and Renfield R. Renfield watched the program Game of Thrones on the TV set in the office of the Set Enterprises lab, Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster was sleeping with his eyes wide open (like he always did) in the laboratory’s large salt water tank aquarium.

He was dreaming (having a nightmare actually) of a world where Donald Trump was President of the United States.

In the dream, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un had sent an elite commando unit of North Korean micro-mini skirted women soldiers to capture U.S. President Donald Trump and hold him as a prisoner of war.

Kim wanted the Presidential access code for America’s nuclear missiles so he could use America’s own weapons against her in destroying her cities.

After 15 minutes of torture from the elite North Korean female commando unit and President Trump’s inability to know either the words or the tune to the North Korean National Anthem, the Donald was soon singing (soprano) like a (high-pitched) canary.

The missiles were then launched and numerous American cities and states were destroyed.

The North Korean women soldiers forced President Trump to watch the whole spectacle on television.

A reality TV cooking show where a celebrity chef was giving his recipe for Baked Alaska was interrupted by visual images of Sarah Palin’s home vanishing in the puff of smoke of a huge atomic mushroom cloud.

Once America was destroyed, Kim Jong-un had no further use for Prisoner of War No. 00000-00 and ordered him terminated.

After a last meal of Mexican enchiladas which went over like a lead balloon with the Donald, Trump was then taken out to the prison courtyard where the micro-mini skirted North Korean women soldiers were lined-up with their rifles and bayonets.

The slit skirted red dragon emblazoned gold evening dress leader of the commando unit then dropped her sword giving the signal to fire and said in perfect English, “You’re fired.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 19th
2015.

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Medusa and The Cyborg Octopus: A Poem

June 24, 2015 at 8:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Medusa And The Cyborg Octopus

In his London lab
as he bandaged his scab
Dr. Cadbury Rocher had heard of the death of a friend
It seemed that Rome’s Dr. Poseidon Prometheus had met his end
or so the Italian tabloids claimed
of his death no one blamed
He just simply disappeared
but in Rome no one cheered
or for that matter even cried
over the fact he may have died.
For the Romans by nature are an apathetic lot
and they’re like this without even smoking pot.

Dr. Poseidon Prometheus had gone down to his lab on the Isle of Capri
there by the shores of the Tyrrhenian Sea
over a spot where Emperor Tiberius once practiced sodomy
His departing words, from a big bottle I’ll unleash the genie.

And then he was never heard from again
though truth be told, tentacles were coming from his rear end.
A large bottle with a ship inside was found floating near a nearby shore
and a brave Capri fisherman said, I’ll open this door.

He uncorked the top off the bottle
and found himself in a deadly throttle
for a Kraken had emerged from inside the ship
and with a hooked tentacle pierced the fisherman’s lip.

(For more on the origins of this Cyborg Octopus Kraken, please read

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2015/06/18/the-cyborg-octopus-a-poem/

)

Then the talking cyborg octopus Kraken
found the hot Capri sun a trifle bakin’
and so he headed deeper out to sea
where cool ocean breeze caressed him tenderly.

O Isle of Capri!
So much history!
Ancient and modern!
Much is forgotten!

Napoleon conquered you in September 1806
But the British played an oceanic game of pick-up sticks
They ousted the French from you the following May
and no replaced non as an expression for nay!

The French reconquered Capri in 1808
and Napoleon’s ego became insufferably great
They remained there until 1815 when Napoleon met his Waterloo
and Bonaparte rule of Europe was finally through.

So on that Capri day there went out to sea
on a day that will be remembered in future history
the Kraken who called himself Napoleon the Sixth
a Kraken who had once been confined to the mists of myth.

Meanwhile Dr. Cadbury Rocher had in his lab Medusa’s body and head
A long lab table was now the lamented ex-Gorgon’s bed
She had been retrieved from her burial place by a metallic robot
who answered to the long forgotten Biblical name of Tobit
for you see robots do not turn to stone
plus they have a built-in smart phone
so Tobit found Medusa and brought her here to Dr. Rocher’s London lab
calling the doctor who left the restaurant leaving Renfield with the tab.

Rocher called in his robot he called Edward Scissorhands
named after the Johnny Depp character with scissors for hands
The robotic barber cut Medusa’s hair of snakes
plus removed from her scalp a few dandruff flakes

He added to the scalp Rocher’s Instant Hair Growth Formula
whose sale was scheduled for marketing in California
And lovely flowing red lockets appeared
Her body was reattached to her head once feared.

He then brought in a fashion designer from House of Chanel
because he thought Medusa should give up clothing from Hell
And the Chanel designer fitted her with a Phoenician purple dress
A Vidal Sassoon stylist made sure her hair wasn’t a mess.

And thus a new Medusa was born
one whose heart was no longer forlorn
For she was now a great raving beauty
no longer a feminazi whose face resembled her booty.

And then Rocher sailed the red haired slit skirted purple dress fair Medusa to Normandy’s shore
which was the start of Der Fuhrer Hitler’s downfall Churchill had swore.

And as the lovely Medusa stood there on the beach
she soon found hooked tentacles within her reach
but no harm would come to her
for the Kraken adored her
He had found true love at last
too bad his many arms had hooks of brass.

And so on this Nativity of Saint John The Baptist
Greek myth and Napoleon’s legacy met and kissed
for the Corsican name Napoleon
was Italian equivalent of Greek Apollyon
His name in the Hebrew tongue is Abaddon
infinitely more powerful than the genie of Aladdin.

-A narrative poem
and vampire novel
chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 24th
2015.

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Michelangelo and Greece

June 21, 2015 at 7:17 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo and Greece

London betting shops were now taking bets on whether or not Greece would soon leave the Eurozone.

Renfield R. Renfield always liked to bet on a sure thing so he decided to go down to the Set Enterprises Lab and communicate with Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster to see what signals the fifth dimension inclined crustacean was picking up on the question of Greece leaving the Eurozone.

As Renfield got down to the lab, his friend and fellow employee Amadeus Emanon was already there reading a book recently penned by Michelangelo’s creator Dr. Cadbury Rocher. The book was called Psychic Lobsters For Dummies.

Renfield walked over to Michelangelo’s tank and tapped on the glass.

“Michelangelo, can you hear me?” Renfield asked through the glass.

The lobster appeared to nod yes and also appeared to be covering his ears with his claws.

“Michelangelo, will Greece leave the Eurozone soon? What do your psychic antennae tell you?” Renfield queried, “If the answer is yes, tap once on the glass. If the answer is no, tap twice on the glass.”

Michelangelo tapped once on the glass.

Renfield shouted with glee with his hands in the air, “Yippee! I’m heading down to the betting shop to bet that Greece is leaving the Eurozone soon.”

Amadeus watched Renfield leave.

“Oh well,” Amadeus sighed, “if Michelangelo turns out to be wrong, at least I’ll know what book to buy Renfield for his birthday.”

He put aside his copy of Psychic Lobsters For Dummies.

. . .

Meanwhile in her office in Berlin, German Chancellor Angela Merkel was on her laptop.

She had just ordered a book from Amazon called Leaving The Eurozone For Dummies.

She was going to send the book to Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras should the necessity arise.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 21st
2015.

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