Qonzilqointec and Set Vs. Horus and Soros
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec crossing a street in London
Seconds after crossing the street, a multiple vehicle pile up was reported on that same London street as over 40 vehicles had rear ended and fender bendered one another.
UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson was 3 hours late for his massage appointment at Lulu’s Massage Parlour.
Qonzilqointec hailed a taxi on another street where she was driven to the London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set to discuss George Soros’ $33 million funding of the Black Lives Matter Organization.
The Black Lives Matter Organization (as opposed to the Black Lives Matter Movement which was a hashtag social media collective) had been founded back in 2013 by 3 lesbians who were all Communists and had as their own personal herione a black woman who had shot and killed a New Jersey state trooper back in the early 1970s and then escaped from prison in 1979 to flee to Cuba where she had been living the high life in Havana the capital of the Castros’ Communist regime ever since.
On their About page, the Black Lives Matter Organization listed as one of their goals “the abolition of fatherhood and the nuclear family” and all children were to be raised by the state.
Transvestite blacks would also be given a special place of privilege in the global Marxist New Order that the Black Lives Matter Organization foresaw.
If only the great 1960s and 1970s comedian Flip Wilson and his TV character alter ego Geraldine had lived to see this.
“You recently discovered some information about Soros?” Qonzilqointec asked Set.
“He’s apparently formed an alliance with my nephew Horus,” Set sipped his tea.
“Really,” Qonzilqointec was not surprised.
“I understand Aleister Crowley who’s busy roasting away on his barbeque spit down in Tartarus is quite happy at the news,” Set helped himself to some barbeque spare ribs.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 1st
2020
Renfield and Set Discuss The New Hong Kong Security Law
Renfield and Set Discuss The New Hong Kong Security Law
British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set were discussing the Chinese National People’s Congress recently passed new Security Law for Hong Kong.
“So you continue to stand by your claims in your Yorkshire Television interview that this new National Security law will mean the end of Hong Kong’s autonomy and freedoms?” Set inquired as he ate more live crocodiles from a nearby tank dispelling long held rumours across many millennia that he was the father of the Egyptian crocodile god Sobek (he wasn’t).
“That is correct,” Renfield ate his roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.
“And U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is now recommending that the U.S. Congress revoke Hong Kong’s special status as a favoured trading partner since the island will now effectively be under the control of the Beijing regime?” Set helped himself to a box of chocolates.
“He is,” Renfield sipped a brandy, “and as was to be expected, China’s Foreign Minister Wang Yi and various Chinese diplomats around the world are now throwing hissy fits in the wake of Pompeo’s announcement. They’re running around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off and it isn’t even the Year of the Rooster.”
Set bit into his coq au vin, “And Beijing continues to influence the World Health Organization and its policies and collection of data?”.
“It does,” Renfield nodded as he ate a Devil’s food cake, “To say nothing of friendly relations between Bill Gates and the People’s Republic of China.”
“And I take it the Chinese Ministry of State Security is continuing its persecution of the underground Chinese Catholic Church with Pope Francis’ blessing and whole hearted approval?” Set bit into his Argentinian empanadas.
“They are,” Renfield admitted, “Recently Francis told China’s underground Catholics to get with the program (which is worshipping Xi Jinping as China’s national god) because as we know Pope Francis in his idiotic Abu Dhabi Declaration of last year stupidly asserted that “God wills the diversity of all religions”.
“I’m sure my conceited brother Osiris and my equally conceited nephew Horus will wholeheartedly agree,” Set lit a pipe, “I myself have reached the conclusion years ago that being a god isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.”
Set started choking on his pipe smoke.
“They say that the Roman Emperor Vespasian’s last words on his death bed were “I fear I’m becoming a god”,” Renfield acknowleged.
“Maybe we should have Xi becoming a god permanently,” Set threw a thousand year old egg into a garbage can.
“You’re suggesting that we should bump Xi Jinping off?” Renfield opened up a can of a new brand of cola called Socrates’ Non-Hemlock Cola.
“I am,” Set added a pinch of salt to his glass of Dr. Pepper.
“I’ll put in a call to my friends the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu and the vampiress Ho Babylon Minh right away,” Renfield picked up his smart phone.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 27th
2020.
The 100th Birthday of Pope John Paul II
The 100th Birthday of Pope John Paul II
The London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had flown in his environmentally friendly dirigible to the city of Wadowice Poland.
Wadowice is a small city in southern Poland about 50 kilometres southwest of Krakow.
It is situated on the Skawa River (a confluence of the Vistula) in the eastern part of the Silesian Foothills.
It is best known for being the birthplace of Karol Josef Wojtyla who became Pope John Paul II.
Today was John Paul II’s 100th birthday.
For May 18th 1920 was the date little Karol Josef was born to his parents Emilia and Karol Wojtyla Sr.
Set, although he had never met the man that history called Saint John Paul the Great, decided to go there to pay his respects.
Due to the Covid-19 pandemic, the streets of Wadowice were not overflowing with pilgrims and tourists as would have been the case if there hadn’t been a pandemic happening in the world.
Set stood outside the Museum of the Holy Father Family Home in Wadowice.
The museum was the actual family home of Pope John Paul II and contains a huge collection of objects that had once belonged to Karol Josef Wojtyla and his family.
Set recognized a Cardinal approaching the family home.
The Cardinal was Samhain Cardinal Salaman who had once worked as a professional stage magician in London a few years ago.
A couple of years ago he had been baptized, confirmed, ordained a deacon, ordained a priest, consecrated a bishop and elevated to the Cardinalate all on the same day by Pope Francis.
The reason was Salaman’s knowledge of Kabbalism.
Even though Salaman was neither Jewish nor a member of any Kabbalistic sect, Pope Francis was advised by one of his loyal cardinals Cardinal JM (as the Cardinal was known) that someone as familiar with real Kabbalistic magic and occultic practice as Salaman was could prove very useful in the Vatican that Pope Francis was hoping to create.
Samhain decided to come to Wadowice on this date because he had never really become a Vatican insider in Pope Francis’ Vatican (he was much too heterosexual for that) and he also couldn’t stomach the hypocrisy of the Communist Pope Francis supposedly paying tribute to the anti-Communist Pope John Paul II on his 100th birthday.
“Mr. Set,” the Cardinal greeted the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire.
“Cardinal Salaman,” the Egyptian vampire greeted back.
Cardinal Salaman informed Set that he had just been visiting the Minor Basilica of The Presentation of The Blessed Virgin Mary where the young Karol Josef and future Pope had been baptized on June 20th 1920.
Currently standing outside the Minor Basilica of The Presentation of the Blessed Virgin Mary was the vampire Lev Tomi.
Lev Tomi was undergoing a different sort of pilgrimage for
Lev Tomi was Leon Trotsky the Russian Soviet Bolshevik who had been turned into a vampire by the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in Mexico City back on August 21st 1940 after having been dealt a blow to the head with an ice pick by Stalinist assassin and Spanish born NKVD agent Ramon Mercader the day before on August 20th 1940.
Being turned into a vampire prevented Trotsky from dying although his “death” was announced to the world to prevent any more of Stalin’s killer hound dogs being sent after him.
Trotsky now using the name Lev Tomi started working for the United Nations after the end of World War II and in 1992 became the Secretary-General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.
A position he had held ever since.
Trotsky was visiting the birthplace of the Polish Pope because it had been the Polish people under the military leadership of Marshal Josef Pilsudski who had defeated his (Leon Trotsky’s) Soviet Red Army in the Battle of Warsaw (also known as the Miracle of The Vistula) fought between August 12th and August 25th 1920.
The Polish Army on the verge of total defeat, after having seen the Blessed Virgin Mary appear on the banks of the Vistula River, went on to repulse and then defeat the Soviet Red Army.
Even Vladimir Lenin the supreme Bolshevik leader had called it an “enormous defeat” for his forces.
The battle had stopped Trotsky’s Soviet Red Army from advancing across Poland to attack Germany and the rest of Western Europe and thereby establish a continent wide Pan-European Soviet Union and eventually a worldwide Soviet Union.
The Poles (who produced Karol Josef Wojtyla the future Pope Saint John Paul the Great) had stopped global Communism in its tracks.
Now, Tomi reflected, in this the 100th year of John Paul II’s birth and the 100th year of the Miracle On The Vistula victory in the Polish-Soviet War, the forces of Communism would use fear of climate change and now conveniently helped by fear of this pandemic to establish their worldwide totalitarian regime.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 18th
2020.
Fall of The Third Reich and Rise of The Fourth
Fall of the Third Reich and Rise of The Fourth
“It was 75 years ago today that the Third Reich was defeated.
Sadly, thanks to the Covid-19 virus, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, the WHO, the UN, the People’s Republic of China and numerous imbecile megalomaniacal tyrannical politicians across the globe, a Fourth Reich (which is a synthesis of Hitlerian Nazi Germany, the Stalinist Soviet Union and Maoist China) is spreading its tentacles across the planet as people are locked inside their homes.
-Renfield R. Renfield
Friday May 8th 2020.
“A few days ago,” Renfield spoke on his podcast, “Bill Gates put up a video on his YouTube channel. He talked about the necessity of finding a vaccine for Covid-19 and then gave a brief explanation of how vaccines work. Then he ended with this peculiar statement, “And now we’re planning a vaccine for 7 billion people.”. What exactly did he mean by that? He disabled comments on the video so you couldn’t ask him.”
Renfield took a sip of whisky and went on, “Does he mean this vaccine will be made compulsory for every man, woman and child on this planet?”.
A livestream then came into the podcast from Renfield’s friend the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who read from Revelation Chapter 16 verse 2, “And there fell festering and ugly sores upon the men which had the mark of the beast…”
“Now,” Renfield entered the podcast again, “Vaccines have been good for combatting and in some cases eradicating diseases. But as we all know, some vaccines can and do have serious side effects. For example one of the vaccines for SARS had as a side effect autoimmune hepatitis occurring in some people. And some vaccines have been known for causing paralysis. The fact that there are side effects happening as a result of vaccines can be seen by there existing in the U.S. a National Vaccine Compensation Injury Program. There would be no need for such a program if vaccines didn’t cause side effects.”
On the podcast there appeared the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set in his library in front of exquisite antique book shelves of the rarest and most beautifully produced leather bound volumes, “There has been an increasing call by some politicians, bureaucrats and members of the world’s wealthiest global elite for what’s called digital id. A digital id inside the body showing that one has antibodies for Covid-19. Those who have such a digital id will be able to work and travel freely. Those who don’t won’t be able to work or travel freely.”
Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds read from Revelation Chapter 13 verse 17, “And that no man might buy or sell save he that had the Mark or the Name of the Beast or the Number of His Name.”
Renfield then addressed the camera, “If it becomes mandatory for everyone and I mean EVERYONE to take this vaccine (if one is claimed to be discovered) and that no one will be able to work or travel or enter stores without it, given that vaccines have been known to produce side effects in many people, then ask yourself why is it necessary for this vaccine to be mandatory for everybody and you’ll be severely punished in your livelihood if you don’t take it? At that point, I think it’s time for you to wake up and smell the coffee. Otherwise you might be waking up one day and smelling the brimstone.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 8th
2020.
Set, Baphomet, Moloch, The Coronavirus, Ratatoskr and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Set, Baphomet, Moloch, The Coronavirus, Ratatoskr and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was asked by his butler and valet Athelstan, “Tell me, sir, back during the world financial crisis of 2008, you went from being a billionaire to being a mere multi-millionaire. It was only Renfield betting all you had on Spain winning the 2010 FIFA World Cup that led to you becoming a billionaire again. Now that the stock markets today have taken their worst hit and plunge since the global economic meltdown of 2008, are you in danger of becoming a mere multi-millionaire again?”.
“Fortunately not, Athelstan,” Set sipped his martini and ate his caviar, “I learned my lesson from 2008. I have a wide reserve of gold that I bought and hid in an abandoned mine somewhere in the British Isles that is guarded by a clone that Dr. Cadbury Rocher made of Hades’ 3 headed dog Cerberus. So I’m ready for whatever downturn happens.”
“I suppose it was fears over the Coronavirus that sparked this panic, sir,” Athelstan handed the ancient Egyptian vampire a bottle of Corona beer with a lemon inside.
“It was,” Set nodded, “That and a row between Saudi Arabia and Russia over the price and supply of oil that sent oil prices into a down spin.”
Set then grabbed a bottle of tequila with a large worm inside the bottle from the tray that Athelstan presented to him.
. . .
The demon Baphomet was having a conversation with the ancient Canaanite god Moloch.
“This Coronavirus is quite delightful,” Baphomet drank a test tube full of the virus, “As a result, I see the Vatican has cancelled all public Masses in Rome and Italy from now until April 3rd.”
The pair were sitting in a totally empty Rome taverna.
“And from what I understand from my sources in the Vatican which are many,” the bull-headed god rubbed his metallic furnace belly, “Pope Francis would like to extend that indefinitely.”
“It was rather nice of George Soros, Hillary Clinton and the Sankt Gallen Mafia to force Benedict XVI to resign and put in Pope Francis for us,” Baphomet ordered an extra fruity strawberry daiquiri with a side of goat’s milk.
“It was,” Moloch nodded as he gratefully took his plate of the Hillary Clinton Secret Topping Pizza from the waiter.
. . .
After a day out campaign stumping for Bernie Sanders at which she told crowds, “He’s da man!”, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was back in her hotel room and opening one of her drawers to take out her vibrator to bring her some much needed relief.
It helped relieve her anxiety.
An intern might be good enough for Bill Clinton but it wasn’t good enough for her.
When she opened the drawer, she got the shock of her life when, instead of her vibrator, a red squirrel with elongated pointed ears jumped out at her.
“I think I’m going squirrelly,” she moaned as her skirt fell to the floor.
“I’m Ratatoskr,” the apparently talking squirrel introduced himself.
“The squirrel in Norse mythology who runs up and down the world tree Yggdrasil to carry messages back and forth between the eagle perched atop Yggdrasil and the serpent Nidhoggr who dwells beneath one of the three roots of the tree?” Alexandria asked as her bra came apart at the back.
“You’ve heard of me?” Ratatoskr grinned as he helped himself to a nut from a small jar labelled Alexandria’s Socialist Nuts.
“My yoga instructor talked about you last week as he came out of a trance after listening to an old LP called the Tibetan Buddhist Monks and Lamas’ Greatest Mind Altering Chants,” Alexandria explained, “What are you doing here?”.
“Well, I’m searching for a new job after the world tree Yggdrasil was cut down this past weekend by a Brazilian logging conglomerate that was given permission by Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro to do so,” Ratatoskr washed down the nut with a bottle of Amazon Rainwater.
“So what do you want with me?” Alexandria inquired.
“Well, I’m here to serve as your new spirit guide,” Ratatoskr grinned, “Your Silva Method instructor sent me. He figured you might need a new one since the leprechaun who had been assigned to you got sodomized by some guy dressed as a rainbow at the recent Queens NY Saint Pat’s For All Parade that was held this past Saint David’s Day. He’s now undergoing treatment for PTSD.”
Meanwhile in an abandoned mine in Cornwall, a Cerberus clone was keeping a close eye on Set’s pots of gold.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 9th
2020.
Agathor and Magog Meet In London
Agathor and Magog Meet In London
Having visited their respective constituencies, former British Conservative Party MP Agathor Christie and former British Labour Party MP Magog Rhys Petley met up again in London.
The two former MPs (of different political parties) had formed a private eye business together in the British capital after their respective defeats in the 2017 UK General Election.
Now that a December election was looming this year, both men decided to try their luck at getting back into Parliament.
Not that it would be an easy task as the 2 British Transhumanist Party candidates who had defeated them- Renfield R. Renfield in Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds (who took out Agathor) and the Welsh vampiress Morgana in the Welsh constituency of Newbridge (who took out Magog) were extremely popular among their constituents heading into the next election campaign.
Still as Count Dracula said when he went to sleep in his coffin the night he would end up being slain by Dr. Abraham Van Helsing, “Never say die.”
Thus proving there was a definite disparity between words and action.
“So, how’s it going, Agathor?” Magog asked his Conservative friend.
“Good, good,” Agathor answered.
Silence.
“And how’s it going, Magog?” Agathor inquired of his Labour friend.
“Good, good,” Magog answered.
Silence again.
“Well, nice seeing you again, Magog,” Agathor finished his beer and stood up to leave.
“You too, Agathor,” Magog likewise finished his beer and stood up to leave.
The two shook hands and went back to their respective London lodgings.
“What a waste of time that meeting seemed to have been,” a British Liberal Democratic MP said to a small talking peregrine falcon who claimed to be a reincarnation of the Egyptian god Horus.
“I agree,” said Horus who was busy looking at the way his eye was depicted on the back of the U.S. One Dollar bill that lay on the table.
The Egyptian jackal headed god Anubis who was sitting at a corner table (and watching the Liberal Democratic Party MP with the talking peregrine falcon who claimed to be the reincarnation of Horus) finished his beer and thought to himself, “I better go and tell Dad that the spirit of his nephew Horus might be possessing the body of a peregrine falcon.”
He went to tell his father the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set the news.
Meanwhile Agathor Christie had returned to his London lodgings and was having pleasant dreams.
He dreamed he was down in Mexico where he was meeting Señorita Dulcinea del Toboso the love of Don Quixote’s life.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 6th
2019.
The Great Pumpkin
The Great Pumpkin
The vampiress Allatallahbel held an apple in her hands.
The vampiress priestess of Baal held it out to the visitor to the Vatican.
“Halloween apples,” she smiled.
The visitor took the apple, bit into it and ate.
His head immediately exploded leaving an awful mess on the Vatican walls for the Vatican cleaning staff to clean up.
For the apple being from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil had given the man full knowledge of both good and evil.
And naturally, being mortal, he could not handle that knowledge.
So his head exploded leaving brains and cerebral fluids all over a Renaissance portrait of Pope Alexander VI.
The Borgia Pope had never looked so good.
And as for the man who had tasted the knowledge of good and evil, he had surely died.
Making the original Serpent of Eden a liar.
. . .
The Vampiress Priestess of Baal’s ally Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow was riding his zombie black horse Bucephalus Reborn across the lawn of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London mansion.
He had been sent here by Allatallahbel to bump off British MP Renfield R. Renfield who had become a major thorn in the side to some of Allatallabel’s vampiress and middle eastern goddess allies.
Unbeknownst to the Headless Horseman and his singing black zombie horse who was currently singing the lyrics “I wore raspberry beret” namely because the horse was wearing a raspberry beret making him look extremely ridiculous on this night before Halloween, Renfield was in a Bed and Breakfast in the town of Tewkesbury getting ready to begin his constituency MP re-election campaign.
The Headless Horseman was riding along without his pumpkin head because it had been blown off in a strong wind storm that had suddenly descended on the streets of central London.
As such, he did not see all the huge cubes of a mysterious scarlet red coloured ice that decorated the lawns of the Set estate.
And as for Buchephalus Reborn, he was so engrossed in his own singing as well as his raspberry beret slipping down over his equine eyes, the horse did not notice the mysterious scarlet red coloured ice cubes either.
The horse slipped on the ice cubes and fell sending his rider Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow soaring through the air and through the huge panoramic window of the Set Estate living room.
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, who had been comfortably sitting in his arm chair holding a glass of very good Port wine in one hand and a copy of The Economist Magazine in the other, called out to his butler and valet, “Athelstan, I think you better immediately call the emergency number of the 24-hour window replacement service.”
“Very good, sir,” Athelstan walked over to the phone and proceeded to do just that.
“Nefertiti Galore,” Set called out to the estate’s watch cat with fierce claws, “Sic him.”
The Headless Horseman soon found himself attacked by the cat Nefertiti Galore and rushed back out the window.
Somehow he miraculously managed to get back on top of Bucephalus Reborn and horse and rider fled through the streets of London being diligently pursued by the ferocious claws of Set’s pet cat Nefertiti Galore.
Up above the skies of London, a ferocious looking Great Pumpkin shone down on top of them.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 30th
2019.
Renfield Begins Re-Election Campaign
Renfield Begins Re-Election Campaign
By a margin of 438 votes to 20, the British House of Commons voted to approve Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s date for a UK national election to be held this coming December 12th.
This would pave the way for Britain’s first December election since 1923.
Johnson said the British public must be given a choice over the future of “Brexit and the country”.
As the vote took place, British MP Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering sat on the benches eating a dozen Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches that he pulled out of a large bag prominently displaying the Chick-fil-A logo.
He also wore a t-shirt showing Lot’s wife turning into a pillar of salt when she turned back to look on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.
The visual display at the moment of the historic vote lost him the endorsement of both Justin Trudeau and Barack Obama for his re-election campaign (not of course that Renfield was expecting their endorsements anyways).
Renfield also earned himself an excommunication from Pope Francis even though he wasn’t Catholic (but then again it could be argued neither was the Pope).
Renfield went home to the colossal West London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set where he lived while in London.
He noticed Set on the front lawn outside cutting up a large block of ice and what appeared to be a body inside the block of ice.
Renfield walked through the front door of the mansion where he informed his friend Amadeus Emanon that he would be renting a room in a Bed and Breakfast place in the town of Tewkesbury for the next couple of months as he fought his re-election campaign in his constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.
Meanwhile London-based PIs Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie were flying home from New York City to London.
They had just finished handing in a report to Lev Tomi the Secretary General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change on who were the groups and individuals responsible for starting the wild fires that raged through the Amazon rain forests this past summer.
Their investigation came to a sudden halt when they stumbled on a location where shaman priests and priestesses of Pachamama (who was the ancient Inca goddess of the earth and earthquakes) were sacrificing both llamas and humans to Pachamama.
Now that it looked like a UK general election would soon be held, the two private eyes mutually agreed to seek their old jobs as MPs.
For Agathor Christie who had been the British Conservative MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds prior to the spring 2017 British election, this would mean defeating current British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield (who had beaten him back in spring 2017).
For Magog Rhys Petley who had been British Labour MP for the Welsh constituency of Newbridge prior to the spring 2017 election, this would mean defeating British Transhumanist MP Morgana Fay Lee who was a Welsh vampiress who had beaten him back in spring 2017.
The Welsh vampiress Morgana: the lovely little devil about to take on Welsh werewolf Magog Rhys Petley in the upcoming British general election.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 29th
2019.
Jarvey Epwein and The Egyptian Vampire
Jarvey Epwein and The Egyptian Vampire
Billionaire Jarvey Epwein was a New York banker and investor as well as a financier behind the production of many Hollywood film blockbusters.
Not many people were aware of Jarvey Epwein’s existence.
Even fewer had Jarvey Epwein’s personal mobile phone number.
The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was one individual who did.
Epwein was surprised to get a phone call from the mysterious nocturnal Egyptian last night inviting him to come to London to partake of a major investment opportunity.
Epwein wasn’t one to rush to anyone’s beck and call.
But Jarvey Epwein knew that Set Enterprises through the research of its chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was years ahead of anybody else when it came to genetics and DNA research.
If Epwein could get himself a slice of that pie, his already hefty bank accounts and profit margins would become even heftier (like Jabba the Hutt a long time ago in a galaxy far far away).
Tonight the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was walking Jarvey Epwein through the Canary Wharf plant that was Set Enterprises laboratories.
“Well, I must say, Sol,” Epwein called the nocturnal Egyptian by his first name of which his full name was Sol Invictus Set, “I’m really impressed. But where is this Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster that I’ve heard the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds and George Soros raving about?”.
Set paused and blinked, “I wasn’t aware that the Rockefellers and Rothschilds and George Soros knew of Michelangelo’s existence.”
“It’s hard to find anything or anyone that their intelligence networks are not aware of,” Jarvey Epwein laughed as he sipped his own personal brand of cocktail that he called a Lolita, “or my intelligence networks for that matter.”
“I’m afraid Michelangelo is feeling a little under the weather this evening,” Set explained, “my personal concert pianist Amadeus Emanon took Michelangelo for a walk last night in the middle of the pouring rain and the poor lobster caught a cold. He’s currently wrapped in a waterproof warm blanket at the bottom of his aquarium floor. Dr. Cadbury Rocher is currently running a computer analysis to see if lemon flavoured Neo-Citran is at all detrimental to the health of psychic lobsters before we start serving him a glass before his regular bedtime.”
“I’m sorry that I won’t be able to meet Michelangelo then,” Jarvey Epwein sighed, “so Sol what did you want to talk to me about?”.
“Well,” Set rose to his full enormous fierce looking height, “you may have heard that last Wednesday a lorry carrying a refrigerator trailer was found in an industrial park in Grays, Essex, England. It contained the bodies of 39 migrants who had suffocated and froze to death in the refrigerator unit. You may have heard that my former employee Renfield R. Renfield (who used to be the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering For Set Enterprises) is now a British MP and a member of the British Cabinet. He was assigned by the government to oversee the investigation finding who was responsible for running the human trafficking and people smuggling ring responsible for these migrants’ tragic deaths. Anyways most of British Intelligence has been working overtime and even Set Enterprises’ forensic accounting department has been running checks. It would of course be ultimately difficult to prove in a court of law but this particular ring of human trafficking seems to be part of a larger network of rings that ultimately find themselves under the aegis of certain numbered holding companies. Anyhow the apex of the pyramid seems ultimately to be traced to you. There is a large part of your revenue that seems to be unaccounted for. But computer analytics at Set Enterprises shows part of that unaccounted revenue seems to fit in with the money being made by this one particular network of human trafficking rings of which one ring seems to be the one that overlooked the Essex lorry trafficking operation.”
“Like you say, Sol,” Epwein smiled and laughed, “it would all be difficult to prove in a court of law. Now stop wasting my time. Are you here to show me an investment opportunity or not? I’m not here to play child’s games concerning the deaths of a bunch of people.”
“I do have something to show you,” Set opened a door and waved Epwein into the room.
Epwein entered.
“It’s dark,” the billionaire banker, investor and film financier commented, “what is this place?”.
“It’s Set Enterprises’ refrigerator unit,” Set answered as he closed the door of the room with Epwein inside and he the nocturnal Egyptian outside.
He then locked the door.
No one heard Epwein’s screams that went on and on…
… until… they didn’t.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 28th
2019.
Ukrainian Easter Eggs At The Bottom of The Rabbit Hole
Ukrainian Easter Eggs At The Bottom of The Rabbit Hole
Angelique Dumont was watching television as she sat in the cafe.
The cafe TV showed Donald Trump making a video conferencing call with a U.S. scientific expedition down in the Antarctic.
Donald Trump was talking to a group of penguins that the scientists were filming.
Trump told the penguins, “I sincerely hope that you will ask the government of Antarctica to investigate the activities of Joe Biden and his son Hunter.”
Angelique’s boyfriend Amadeus Emanon soon joined her at her table.
“First Trump has asked Ukraine and earlier today China and now the Antarctic to investigate the activities of Joe and Hunter Biden,” Angelique remarked to Amadeus.
“That seems to be one all encompassing rabbit hole,” Amadeus reached for a carrot from the vegetable appetizer plate for two.
“Of which Ukraine seems to be a part,” Angelique ate her perogies and sour cream, “Have you ever been to Ukraine?”.
“Once,” Amadeus nodded, “Back in 2015 when Renfield was still Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises, the Boss (Amadeus was referring to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) sent Renfield to Kiev to meet a Ukrainian billionaire oligarch Ihor Kolomoyskyi to work out a possible business deal between Koloymoyskyi and Set Enterprises. The deal didn’t work out but I got to spend a few days in Kiev.”
. . .
Back in 2015, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was giving Renfield and Amadeus a heads up on their meeting with Ukrainian billionaire oligarch Ihor Kolomoyskyi.
“This Kolomoyskyi is an interesting character,” Set began, “It’s against Ukrainian law for Ukrainian citizens to hold dual citizenship with another country so Koloymoyskyi gets around it by holding citizenship in 3 countries- Ukraine, Israel and Cyprus.”
“I take it that it’s not against the law for Ukrainian citizens to be citizens of 3 countries,” Amadeus munched on his bucket of hot buttered popcorn.
“Brilliant deduction, Amadeus,” Set answered in somewhat agitated fashion.
“Anything else we should know about this Ihor Koloymoyskyi?” Renfield asked.
“He likes to intimidate people when they first come to his office,” Set helped himself to a live crocodile from a nearby aquarium and ate it, “his office adjoins a shark tank with clear glass windows so that you can see the sharks when you enter his office. As soon as you’re invited to sit down, Mr. Koloymoyskyi will push a button on his desk and a spray of shrimp will shoot up in the aquarium which the sharks will promptly eat leaving patches of blood in the water.”
“He sounds like a villain in a James Bond film,” Amadeus turned pale.
“He does,” Set admitted.
“Well, thanks for giving us the heads up, Boss,” Renfield ate his shark fin’s soup and shrimp salad.
. . .
In his office adjacent to the shark tank which had a motorcycle and a black leather jacket (which had the words THE FONZ written on it) lying on the ocean like sand and rocks and sea weed at the bottom of the tank, Ihor Koloymoyskyi invited Renfield and Amadeus to sit down.
Once Renfield and Amadeus had sat down, then Koloymoyskyi (grinning like the Cheshire Cat about to eat the canary) pushed the button on his desk.
A spray of shrimp shot up into the aquarium and the sharks promptly ate the shrimps leaving patches of blood in the water.
As Amadeus sat looking petrified, Renfield calmly lit himself a cigar as all this was going on and started blowing smoke rings in the shape of the figures of Sir Winston Churchill and the British Lion.
When the sharks had finished eating the shrimps, Renfield removed a laser pointer pen from his pocket and pointed the laser point at the sharks.
This was no ordinary laser point for the laser beam immediately started dissecting the sharks and cutting them up.
When Renfield had finished, he helped himself uninvited to the bottle of Douro Valley Portuguese Port wine that Koloymoyskyi had on his desk and poured himself a glass.
“So,” Renfield lit himself another cigar, “let’s get down to business shall we?”.
“I paid $5 million each for each one of those sharks,” cried a thunder struck Koloymoyskyi.
“Boy, were you ever taken for a ride,” Renfield blew a smoke ring shaped like the Batmobile.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 3rd
2019.
