Belvedere Discovers His Enchantress
Belvedere the reporter for the Times of London had not always been the ghost of a Ghost White Salamander.
He was originally human but had been turned into a ghost white salamander back in August 1885 when he did not pay a working girl for services rendered in a room above a Wild West saloon.
The brothel girl cast a spell that turned him into a ghost white salamander.
He turned into the ghost of a ghost white salamander when an ox cart heading west ran over him as he crawled in a westernly direction.
Belvedere had heard through his sources that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had managed to take a coloured photograph with his lobster antennae of an assassination attempt made on Josef Stalin in his personal steam locomotive train back on June 22nd 1931.
Belvedere wondered if Michelangelo’s lobster antennae could photographically go back in time to August 15th 1885 the day that he was changed into a ghost white salamander.
And spot who was the enchantress who did this to him?
For Belvedere had forgotten what she looked like after he got run over by an ox cart.
Not of course that the Enchantress was probably still alive to turn him back.
But he’d like to know who she was.
Belvedere went down to the Set Enterprises lab and put in the request to Michelangelo.
Michelangelo’s lobster antennae started flashing red and blue lights as the photo started coming in.
Dr. Cadbury Rocher checked the screen of the computer hooked up to Michelangelo’s antennae as the photo appeared.
“That’s her,” said Belvedere, “that was the newly employed brothel girl at The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon who turned me into a ghost white salamander when I didn’t pay her for sleeping with me.”
“What,” cried the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set as he entered the room, “that’s Serena my fiancee. You mean to say she time traveled back to the day August 15th 1885 and slept with you?”.
Belvedere decided it might not be a good idea to stay in the same room as an angry vampire so he vanished.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 24th
2017.
The Steampunk Girl Time Traveler
Dr. Cadbury Rocher had called his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set down to the Set Enterprises lab to show him something.
“This is a photographic image that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster picked up from the date June 22nd 1931,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher showed Set the photo.
“My god the Great Sun God Ra,” Set whispered, “it’s Serena.”
Serena was the name of Set’s fiancee who had been assassinated by a Soviet assassin Leonid Terovsky back in the autumn of 1924.
Her body was currently lying in a special lab at Set Enterprises.
Prior to that, she had been kept in a glass coffin (at low temperatures to preserve her body) at Set’s colossal West London mansion.
She had been moved to Set Enterprises Laboratories in the year 2000 when Set had hired the scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the great-grandson of French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who had come close to discovering the secret of immortality prior to his being shot down by the Red Baron in April of 1918) and Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister who had attained immortality for herself by eating a specially prepared Lingzhi supernatural mushroom cooked for her by her husband Dr. Louis Rocher).
Set hoped that Dr. Rocher would find a way of bringing his beloved fiancee Serena back from the dead.
“That’s Serena all right,” Set recognized the Steampunk style skirted outfits that she loved to wear.
Steampunk is a genre of science-fiction where the science and inventions of the Victorian and Edwardian era carried on in an alternate universe and machinery was analog and not digital and based on steam power and not petroleum and where airships and dirigibles and monoplanes and biplanes and triplanes ruled the skies and not jets.
Steampunk genre had influenced movies like Wild Wild West, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Van Helsing and the 2009 Sherlock Holmes.
“What is she doing in that photo?” Set asked.
“Notice the Soviet Red Star on the train and she appears to be holding a detonator in her hands,” said Dr. Rocher, “there was an attempt to blow up a train Josef Stalin was riding in back on June 22nd 1931.”
“Serena has become a time traveler,” Set gasped, “and she’s tried to kill Josef Stalin the man who had arranged for the circumstances of her own death.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 22nd
2017.
Serena Slain
It was the autumn of 1924.
And the wealthy Egyptian vampire Set was showing his fiancee Serena the house he had bought them.
Soviet secret police assassin Leonid Terovsky watched the couple.
He then stepped forward into the moonlight, pulled out a revolver and fired six shots into Set.
Who didn’t die.
Since he was a vampire.
Terrified and confused, Leonid stepped back.
Angered, Set approached the assassin.
Leonid pulled out his other revolver and started firing again.
This time in the direction of Serena.
Who being mortal immediately hit the ground.
Covered in blood.
“No,” Set screamed as he turned around.
He rushed to Serena and held her in his arms where she died.
Terovsky fled down the street.
Set continued to hold the slain Serena in his arms as he wept.
Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister) was walking down the street when she saw the scene.
She approached.
Set explained what happened.
“I wish I had the chance to turn her into a vampiress as she lay dying but her death happened too quickly,” Set wept.
“I know what you mean,” Sherrielock said, “My love died before he had the opportunity to make himself immortal.”
She told Set how her husband Dr. Louis Rocher had made an extract from the Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom which when she ate it had made her immortal.
But Dr. Rocher had waited to eat the Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms himself.
And before he could do so, he ended up being shot down by the Red Baron during the Great War of 1914-18.
“It’s too bad Louis wasn’t still alive,” Sherrielock said, “he might have been able to bring your fiancee back from the dead.”
“Did you and he have any children?” Set asked.
“Yes, five,” Sherrielock replied, “three boys and two girls.”
“I wonder if any of them or their descendants will have your husband Louis’ genius,” Set reflected.
“Possibly,” Sherrielock answered.
Set resolved to have Serena’s body frozen in the hopes that one of Dr. Louis Rocher’s and Sherrielock Holmes’ descendants would be a scientific genius capable of bringing Serena back from the dead.
In the meantime, Set tracked down the assassin Leonid Terovsky, had him tortured and later killed.
But Set gleaned from Terovksy that Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin had ordered the assassination.
Set resolved to destroy both the USSR and the worldwide Bolshevik movement.
But as Set surveyed the world stage, there did not seem to him too many politicians who were capable of destroying both the USSR and the worldwide Bolshevik movement.
Until a young Austrian born politician creating a ruckus in Bavaria came into his sights.
The name of the young Austrian born politician in Bavaria making a name for himself?
Adolf Hitler.
His movement the National Socialist German Workers’ Party- the NSDAP- better known as the Nazis.
Set moved to Germany in 1925 in an effort to better promote and finance the movement.
Just like a stone thrown into water creates unforeseen ripple effects, evil like good can create the same ripple effects.
And no one knows where the ripple effects will end.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 20th
2017.
Stalin Plans To Attack Set
Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin was having a conversation with Felix Dzerzhinsky the director of OGPU (the name of the Soviet Secret Police at the time) during the summer of 1924.
Stalin was pissed off by the way the British Empire was carrying on at the time.
“Who the Hell do these Brits think they are anyways?” Stalin foamed with rage towards Dzerzhinsky, “Hell, you think they’re the only people in the world who know how to make tea properly.”
Stalin walked over to a samovar and poured himself a cup of tea.
He put it to his lips and spit it out.
“Do you have any more of that Red Rose tea brand you served me once?” He asked Dzerzhinsky.
“It’s available only in Canada,” Dzerzhinsky replied, “A spy from Canada brought me some once. Just before I shot him for sleeping with my favourite Moscow prostitute who I thought was for my eyes only.”
“We’ll have to invade Canada someday,” Stalin thought philosophically.
“Probably one of those tough strict Jesuit schools in Quebec will produce a Marxist who’ll become Prime Minister someday,” Dzerzhinsky threw aside an old Canadian newspaper that contained Pierre Elliot Trudeau’s birth announcement.
“I want to avenge myself on Britain,” said Stalin, “maybe assassinate one of their leading politicians or businessmen.”
“I don’t think the Soviet Union can win a war with Britain at this point in our history,” Dzerzhinsky said, “might I suggest assassinating a foreigner in the country. There’s a wealthy Egyptian businessman and investor by the name of Mr. Sol Invictus Set. Very buddy buddy with the Prince of Wales. Just bought himself a big house in the Collingwood Hills district of Kensington in West London. Here’s his picture.”
“Who’s the lovely woman with him?” Stalin asked.
“Only goes by the name of Serena,” Dzerzhinsky answered, “she was a magician’s assistant to that magician who goes by the name of the Great Houdini.”
“Isn’t that Houdini a Jew?” Stalin asked with the utmost contempt on his face.
“He is,” Dzerzhinsky answered.
“One day we’ll rid the world of all Jews,” Stalin looked outside his office and noticed Leon Trotsky walking down the hall.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 19th
2017.
Set Buys Himself A House
So now that Serena was free of her magician’s assistant contract with the Great Houdini, Set decided to buy a house for them to live in once they were married.
He bought the house a colossal mansion in West London in 1924.
This was the house as it looked in a painting in 1926.
91 years after the painting was painted, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was meeting in his colossal West London mansion with his Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering Renfield R. Renfield.
“So Renfield, now that you’ve been elected a Member of Parliament, you’ll probably no longer be able to carry out your duties as my Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering,” Set scratched a chalkboard with his 66 inch long fingernails.
Renfield held his ears, “No, probably not, boss.”
Amadeus Emanon started playing Mozart’s Eine Kleine Nachtmusik on the piano in the drawing room.
“Which means since you’re no longer my employee, you’ll no longer be able to live in this mansion,” said Set coldly.
Renfield started to cry.
He hadn’t thought of that when he first ran for MP.
But then again he never really expected to be elected.
Renfield expected he had scored quite highly on the autism spectrum in the test that his mental health counselor had given him yesterday.
“However I’ve been talking to my chartered accountant Ian Mandell Boring who professionally goes by his initials I.M. Boring,” Set started feeling drowsy, “and he says if you pay me $12,000 rent a year to live here, you’ll be able to declare that on your expense account and be reimbursed at the end of the tax year. Besides having an MP in the household is a good thing. That way, I might be able to influence government policy.”
“Thanks, boss,” Renfield loudly blew his nose into his handkerchief.
“So, of course in the meantime, I’ve had to hire a new Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises,” Set looked out the window.
“And who is that?” Renfield asked while drinking from a bottle of whisky.
“Sherrielock Holmes,” Set answered.
“The world famous London dominatrix?” Renfield was shocked.
“Yes and I believe your personal dominatrix,” Set played with his Rolex watch on a chain.
“Those are vicious rumours spread by the fake lying media in this country,” Renfield did an impersonation of Donald Trump.
“Sherrielock will be able to use the dungeons in the basement for her dominatrix business by night,” Set reflected, “and by day, she’ll do what you used to do.”
“You mean, during the day, she’ll do nothing,” Amadeus quipped as he entered the room.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 14th
2017.
Serena, Set and Houdini
It was the year 1920.
And the Egyptian vampire Set had heard that the Great Houdini was performing even greater magic stunts ever since he had hired a new assistant called Serena.
In fact, Set had heard the controversial British politician Winston Churchill say down at the Royal Albert Club, “It is my firm belief that it is the assistant Serena who’s responsible for planning these new amazing tricks of his and not the Great Houdini himself.”
“That’s probably true,” Sir Arthur Conan Doyle piped up while smoking his pipe, “after all, Houdini doesn’t believe in Spiritualism.”
“Neither I believe did that great detective Sherlock Holmes,” Churchill answered back over his brandy.
Doyle harrumphed.
For Doyle had chronicled Holmes’ career.
“I hear some people say that she’s from the future,” a dodgy old member of the House of Lords spoke up.
“She must be,” Churchill answered, “she says I’ll be Prime Minister someday.”
“More likely from an insane asylum then,” an opposing Member of Parliament spoke up.
“Well she did say the distant future is an insane asylum,” Churchill reflected.
Set thought he better go see this magician’s assistant himself.
If she’s from the future, she may be able to tell me what I should invest in, thought Set.
For Set worked as an investment analyst in the City of London.
In fact, he was the only investment analyst in London one could phone in the middle of the night.
The fact that he was a vampire was what kept him up at night.
Set went to the dressing room of the theatre where Houdini was performing.
Without knocking, he entered the door marked ASSISTANT.
And then he saw her.
Serena.
For the first time since he thought he was in love with his sister Isis (which led to the whole family dispute with his brother Osiris and his nephew Horus), Set was in love.
Love at first sight.
A vampire had fallen for a magician’s assistant.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 8th
2017.
The Vampire Set and Lindbergh’s Historic Flight To Paris
90 years ago today.
May 21st 1927.
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was in Paris enjoying a bottle of champagne with Josephine Baker, Ernest Hemingway and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.
They were waiting to see if American pilot Charles Lindbergh would arrive in the city in his plane The Spirit of St. Louis and become the first person to fly solo non-stop across the Atlantic.
Twenty minutes after 10 PM on the evening of May 21st 1927, there slipped out of the darkness over the skies a gray white airplane.
At 10:24 PM The Spirit of St. Louis landed.
“Well, I made it,” said Lindbergh.
And the City of Paris went wild.
Lindbergh was carried by hand outside his plane.
Total mayhem among the crowd of 100,000 people who had gathered on the east side of Le Bourget Air Field.
“Paris probably hasn’t seen such excitement since the Armistice of 1918,” Hemingway remarked as he uncorked another bottle of champagne.
“I was being dug out of the prison of my ancient Egyptian tomb on Armistice Day in 1918,” Set recalled.
Both Josephine Baker and Ernest Hemingway laughed at Set’s remark.
Only the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec (being one of the living Undead herself) smiled sympathetically.
“Do you suppose Lindbergh will join us on this sidewalk cafe?” Josephine asked.
“I don’t know,” Hemingway shrugged, “did you invite him?”.
Everyone laughed.
“I wonder if anything else as exciting will happen this year?” Qonzilqointec mused philosophically.
On the other side of the Atlantic, singer and entertainer Al Jolson was sitting in a bar
He heard someone at one of the tables say, “You ain’t heard nothing yet.”
Jolson’s ears perked up.
That would make a great closing line for the new movie he was doing.
The world’s first talkie.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 21st
2017.
Mei-ling Manchu
The year was 1933.
And the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was paying a visit to Britain’s House of Lords to see his friend Lord Oswald Jennings give a speech on China in the House of Lords.
Lord Oswald Jennings had a son Spencer Jennings who was the British Conservative MP for the constituency of Stamford On The Welland.
And Spencer Jennings had an 8-year-old son Byron Jennings.
In the opinion of the said vampire billionaire who called himself Mr. Sol Invictus Set, Byron Jennings was a spoiled brat.
But fortunately Lord Oswald Jennings did not invite Set back to his home after the speech where his son and daughter-in-law and spoiled brat grandson would be attending.
Instead he invited Set to dinner at his club.
“I agree with you,” Lord Jennings winked at Set over a brandy, “my grandson is a brat. I find Spencer and his airhead wife Lillian are too enamoured with this progressive education nonsense. Letting the child do exactly whatever he wants.”
After dinner and brandy at the club. Sol Invictus Set walked out into the night.
He noticed a very attractive young Asian woman walking up the street.
She was wearing a black dragon emblazoned red dress slit up the sides in that sleek chic oriental fashion that Set found so arousing.
It’s too bad that he had to rush home as he was expecting a phone call from Stanley Baldwin. Otherwise he’d have asked the beautiful young woman out for a drink.
But the beautiful young Asian woman had plans of her own.
For she was Mei-ling Manchu the real life daughter of the real life scientist Dr. Fu Manchu who was so grossly slandered in Sax Rohmer’s stereotypical books.
Her father feared that Lord Oswald Jennings was far too sympathetic to the idea of Japanese control over Manchuria and quite possibly the rest of China.
Thus he had instructed Mei-ling to kidnap Lord Jennings’ grandson Byron hoping to influence His Lordship away from a pro-Japanese position.
How Mei-ling wondered, would she do it?
She noticed a boy standing at the corner looking through the window of a bookshop.
She looked at the photo of Lord Jennings’ grandson that her father had given her.
Then she looked at the boy on the corner.
They were the same individual.
She walked up to the boy.
Ironically, the boy was looking at the cover of one of Sax Rohmer’s stereotypical books.
Said Byron (who was about as horny as his poetic namesake), “Wow. I’d like that woman on the cover to take me home and spank me.”
“Oh, this was going to be easy,” Mei-ling smiled to herself.
“How’d you like me to take you to my home and give you a spanking?” Mei-ling adjusted the slit skirt of her dress.
“Okay,” said the boy.
So kidnapping the grandson of Lord Oswald Jennings turned out to be as easy as taking candy from a baby.
And quite possibly the boy might even cease being a brat under Mei-ling Manchu’s tutelage.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 16th
2017.
80 Years Ago Today- The Hindenburg Disaster
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was recalling where he was 80 years ago today.
Aboard the dirigible airship LZ 129 Hindenburg as it caught fire trying to dock with its mooring mass at Naval Air Station Lakehurst in Manchester Township New Jersey on May 6th, 1937.
Of the 97 people on board (36 passengers and 61 crewmen), there were 35 fatalities (13 passengers and 22 crewmen). One worker on the ground was also killed, bringing the final death toll to 36.
The vampire Set had departed aboard the Hindenburg from Frankfurt Germany on the evening of May 3rd 1937.
He was carrying a message with him from Der Fuhrer Adolf Hilter (Set was an important financial backer of Germany’s leader) to U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
When Set arrived at Lakehurst, he would board an American Airlines flight from Lakehurst to Newark, New Jersey. He would then catch a plane from Newark to New York City and then on to Washington DC where he would meet in secret with FDR to deliver the message.
In the message, Hitler proposed an anti-Bolshevik crusade with FDR for some time a few years down the road.
Hitler would attack the USSR from the West (from Europe) and America would attack the USSR from the East (from Alaska).
In return, Hitler proposed that America take and keep Siberia (which of course was just across the Bering Strait from Alaska).
Hitler would take the rest of Russia.
However the Hindenburg caught fire as it was about to land.
Set promptly turned into a bat and flew down to safety as Herbert Morrison cried into the radio microphone for radio station WLS in Chicago, “Oh, the humanity….”
To this day, there were still debates going on about what caused the fire aboard the Hindenburg. Some said it was sabotage. Others said it was caused by an electrical spark.
Set personally believed it was sabotage.
Because once he was on the ground in Lakehurst and had resumed his human shape, the vampire who called himself Sol Invictus Set saw his arch enemy, sister and sister-in-law the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis standing there.
Isis had with her by her side the Moroccan wrestler Abdul the Butcher who was her bodyguard at the time.
Abdul hit Set over the head and knocked him out.
When Set came to, Der Fuhrer’s message meant for FDR’s eyes only was gone.
How the world might have been different had that message been delivered, Set reflected.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 6th
2017.
Renfield In Egypt and Then Germany
After the papal speech at al-Azhar University in Cairo, Pope Francis and the Egyptian vampire Osiris met behind closed doors with Islamic leaders from across the Muslim world.
A phone call from the conference room was put in to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and the Chief Rabbis of Israel.
Renfield R. Renfield who had bugged the room made notes.
“That’s very interesting,” Renfield thought to himself.
He left the notes on the table in his Cairo hotel room and put in a call to his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set letting him know the developments.
“What,” Set seethed, “that bastard Osiris! Why does everyone want to make deals with him and not me?”.
“The world has bad taste, boss,” Renfield replied as he flicked through the Cairo hotel TV guide and noticed the reality TV shows Survivor and also Big Brother Canada were available on the hotel’s TV programming.
“What the world needs is a statue of Set in the proposed ecumenical Interfaith Temple in Jerusalem,” Set started pulling his hair out with his razor sharp fingernails in a dramatic barber like scene that hadn’t been seen since the days Johnny Depp played Edward Scissorhands.
Meanwhile over in North Korea, Kim Jong-un was busy sobbing on to his teddy bear (that had the face of Anthony Hopkins as Dr. Hannibal Lecter on it), “That woman in my dream told me that if I painted an image of a scorpion attacking the testicles of a white bull on my ballistic missiles, they’d launch successfully.”
The beautiful Korean woman in the white gown (from his dream) appeared behind him in reality and kicked him in the ass and told him, “I also told you to write the Latin words IN HOC SIGNO VINCES above the image, you idiot.”
Renfield decided to stop off in Germany on his way home from Cairo.
He had received a message from his new found ally the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
There was important business that Renfield had to attend to in Bavaria.
In a quiet Bavarian village, Herr Dummkopf Drecksack was a driving test administrator.
He was the motherfucking asshole of all driving test administrators.
He had just given a hard time to a personal friend of Dracul Van Helsing and Renfield R. Renfield.
Flunking her for making one mistake.
Renfield followed the pink velvet pants wearing Herr Dummkopf Drecksack as he walked down the street.
He followed him to a post office where the man picked up a dozen packages of viagra and a dozen packages of cialis.
He then put them in his brown coloured VW bug and drove home.
Inside his house, he lit a candle in front of the giant photo of Adolf Hitler above his black altar.
“Like Adolf, do you?” Renfield said behind him.
“What the?-” Herr Dummkopf Drecksack turned around.
That evening, Berlin’s national TV news channel reported, “The driving test administrator was found hanging from his rusty brown VW bug in the middle of the town square with his pants and underpants pulled down and a dozen packages of viagra hanging from his right arm and a dozen packages of cialis hanging from his left arm…”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 29th
2017.
