A Haitian Vampire Huntress, An Aztec Vampiress and A German WW1 U-Boat

September 19, 2017 at 7:47 pm (Vampire novel, The Supernatural, News, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue) (, , , , , , , , , )

A Haitian Vampire Huntress, An Aztec Vampiress and A German WW1 U-Boat

The Haitian vampire huntress Yoanna Soleil was working in her office in the Haitian capital of Port-au-Prince when her phone rang.

“Hello,” Yoanna picked up her phone.

“Mlle. Soleil, this is the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec,”
said the sensual feminine voice on the other end of the line.

“Well, well, your Imperial Highness,” Yoanna Soleil laughed, “this is a surprise. It’s not often that a vampire huntress gets a phone call from a vampiress. I must warn you however that I’m not like the heterosexual sex addict Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing nor am I lesbian or bisexual in my sexual orientation so you won’t be able to use your seductive, sexy and sensual vampiress charms on me.”

“That’s not what I’m calling about,” Qonzilqointec sounded exasperated, “my penthouse here in Mexico City has just been severely shaken by a 7.1 magnitude earthquake and from my vantage point way up high, I can see dozens of buildings around the city have collapsed.”

“I’m so sorry,” Yoanna Soleil was sincere for her own country had been hit by a devastating earthquake only 7 years ago.

“This is the 2nd major earthquake that has hit Mexico 🇲🇽 in the past 10 days,” the vampire princess sighed, “as you know an 8.2 magnitude earthquake hit southern Mexico back on September 8th.”

“I know,” Yoanna said then asked, “so why are you calling me?”.

“Well, I don’t have to tell you about all the major hurricanes that have been hitting the Caribbean region this season,” the Aztec vampiress stated.

“No you don’t,” Yoanna agreed.

“That’s why I’m calling you, Mlle. Soleil,” Qonzilqointec’s voice was pleading, “I think what’s been happening is connected. You are aware of course of the kraken Uhluhtc that sleeps at the bottom of the Caribbean Sea.”

Uhluhtc the sleeping Kraken at the bottom of the Caribbean Sea was considered just a legend among the educated elites of the Caribbean, Central America and Mexico.

However both vampiress and vampire huntress having dealt with things supernatural during their respective lifetimes knew that the kraken Uhluhtc was very much real.

“Yes,” Yoanna Soleil answered.

“Uhluhtc is not sleeping anymore,” the Aztec vampiress stated emphatically, “and that is what causing all these major earthquakes and major hurricanes of the moment. I propose we form an alliance to destroy it.”

. . .

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had received a confidential message from German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

“I wonder what this is all about?” Set asked his butler and valet Athelstan as he opened the sealed envelope marked TOP SECRET and CONFIDENTIAL.

“I have no idea, sir,” answered Athelstan who was sporting a black eye having had to rescue his elderly mother (who was currently visiting London) from a bar room brawl in a London pub the night before when she had once again got into a violent argument with another patron over matters relating to British and European football ⚽️ like she was prone to do.

“The courier said it had something to do with that World War One German UB-II U-Boat submarine they just found off the coast of Belgium 🇧🇪,” Amadeus Emanon spoke up from the neighbouring piano room.

“I heard about that,” Set answered, “what does that have to do with me? The tomb I was buried alive in for millennia wasn’t opened until Armistice Day in 1918 so I couldn’t have anything to do with the sinking of a German U-Boat submarine.”

“You have an excellent alibi in my opinion, sir,” Athelstan agreed.

“Oh my god Ra,” Set turned paler than even his usual pale looking vampiric self, “it’s who the German government believe was on board that U-Boat submarine that concerns me.”

“And who might that be, sir?” Athelstan inquired politely.

But Set was in such a state of shock that he was at a loss for words.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 19th
2017.

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Set Rides The Train

September 5, 2017 at 3:28 pm (Crime, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Set Rides The Train

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was riding the train.

He was sitting quietly in his seat 💺 when a long haired freak walked by with a baby stroller.

What was some freak doing with a baby stroller in this part of the train?

Another woman presumably his wife followed him.

And then another woman- presumably the wife’s ugly sister followed her.

They sat a couple of seats in front of him.

Then the brat in the stroller started crying.

And crying.

Set seemed to recall a verse from the ancient Hebrew psalms about smashing babies’ heads against the walls of the city of Jerusalem.

Well, it was a long way from Jerusalem but the train wall should be just as handy.

Set strolled over to the baby carriage, picked up the screaming brat and bashed her head against the wall killing her instantly.

The mother screamed.

Set used his 66-inch long fingernails to decapitate the mother.

The father started to protest.

“Can’t have creeps like you reproducing and contaminating the human gene pool,” Set likewise used his nails to rip his head off.

The ugly sister of the mother, the ugly sister-in-law of the father and the ugly aunt of the now deceased screaming brat- the ugly 3 in 1- now raised her ugly shrill screaming voice in a cacophonous symphony of protest.

That was likewise cut short by Set’s long uncut fingernails.

Set then ripped the ugly woman’s face to shreds with his nails for he had recently read an article in National Geographic Magazine about how genetically created satyr serial killer and DARPA astral assassin Pan Goatee was attempting to make Earth a more aesthetically pleasing place by killing ugly women.

The ancient Egyptian god of darkness figured he might as well contribute to the cause for ever since some idiot said “Let there be light”, there was always the possibility that light might shed light on ugliness.

Set had once supported Hitler’s rise to power.

While he disagreed with Hitler (a self-professed artist) on painting all members of the same race or ethnic group with one brush, he Set did think that certain individuals and possibly even one entire family could be inferior and basically human scum and should therefore be eliminated from the face of the earth as was the case with this Native North American Indian trio (a quartet- if you include the brat) who thought it was perfectly all right to conduct some noisy powwow ceremony on what should be an upper class train.

If they still published Eugenics magazines like they did back in the 1930s, Set thought of an article he could write on the subject.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 4th
2017.

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The Entity/Being In The Painting/From The Painting

August 21, 2017 at 3:33 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The great South African artist SAREJESS looked at some of the paintings he had painted the past couple of months.

Paintings based on dreams and visions he had had.

A grandfather clock with pendulum surrounded with ancient Egyptian markings.

A large hourglass filled with sand on a sandy beach that was turned over again by mermaids in the surging tide.

A sundial that was able to operate in the moonlight at night in the courtyard of an ancient Egyptian palace.

A lovely blonde working girl in the Wild West who wore a beautiful vintage railway watch on a chain worn down the cleft between her magnificent pair of knockers in a low-cut blouse.

A cuckoo clock that had a cuckoo bird bearing the face of Orson Welles as Harry Lime the Thrid Man coming out of it followed by a cuckoo bird bearing the face of an older looking Orson Welles as an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh coming out of it.

A giant hamster standing atop the clock tower of Big Ben.

A ship of the Greek god Hades sailing on the sea that he painted first and later had a dream about.

Another dream with the clock tower of Big Ben sending out a searchlight signal advertising the 1001 positions of the Kama Sutra. Also in the dream and the painting were the TARDIS phone booth from the Dr. Who TV series and the vintage railway watch on a chain down her knockers wearing blonde Serena (now dyed a redhead) wearing a sexy red dress and standing in the snow with two weapons in her hands blasting away at a group of North Korean Army soldiers.

Now last night SAREJESS had another dream.

What he knew was the final dream.

And the final painting of this particular series of paintings.

He painted a picture of an ancient Egyptian wearing white high priestly robes and carrying a scroll in his right hand.

Only this Egyptian high priestly figure had the head of an African sacred ibis bird rather than a human head.

The ibis headed ancient Egyptian figure was followed by a group of baboons.

In the dream, the baboons (following the figure) could talk and were saying prayers of thanksgiving that they were not red spider monkeys.

In the background was Donald Trump shampooing his hair.

SAREJESS recognized the being/entity that he had just painted- the Egyptian high priestly robed figure with a scroll in his hand and the head of an ibis on his head- Thoth.

Thoth the Egyptian god.

Thoth the god of wisdom, writing, counting and medicine.

Thoth the god of magic.

Thoth the scribe and messenger of the gods.

Thoth the creator of hieroglyphs.

The author of Egypt’s sacred laws.

The recorder of the eternal verdict on a deceased person’s heart.

Thoth the god of intelligence, thought, logic and reason.

Thoth the god of the moon.

In fact in many ancient Egyptian paintings, Thoth was often depicted with a lunar disc over his head.

Thoth was known as “The Heart of Ra”, “The Measurer of Time” and “The Master of the Words of God”.

His silver barque transported the souls of the dead across the night sky.

Thoth, to SAREJESS’ amazement, moved in the painting and boarded his silver barque.

Then Thoth walked straight out of the painting carrying the small silver barque (that SAREJESS had just painted) with him.

A blank figure in the painting now stood where Thoth had just walked out.

Thoth then left SAREJESS’ studio carrying the silver barque with him.

“Tim,” his wife Winnie called to him from the kitchen, “who was that very odd looking gentleman who just walked out of your studio? Is he going to buy a painting?”.

“No, dear, I don’t think so,” SAREJESS answered.

Thoth walked down to the beach at Port Elizabeth still carrying the small silver barque with him.

As soon as Thoth put the barque in the salt waters of the Indian Ocean, it grew to life size.

Thoth then boarded the barque and sailed straight up into the sky.

His lunar disc silver barque then sailed but this time it was not the night sky that Thoth transported the souls of the dead across.

It was the day time sky across America from Lincoln City Oregon down to Charleston South Carolina.

And many people saw the ancient Egyptian moon god Thoth’s total eclipse of the sun.

. . .

As Bonnie Tyler stood in front of a statue of the Egyptian sun god Ra singing the song “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set awakened in his sarcophagus in London in a sweat (and he hadn’t been down to the gym in millennia).

He motioned for his valet and butler Athelstan to bring him his Hugh Hefner like red velvet smoking jacket and his pipe.

As he sat there smoking, he said quietly, “Thoth has returned. Now many people will start returning from the dead.”

. . .

Now down at the Set Enterprises’ laboratory, Set’s long dead (since 1924) fiancee Serena opened her eyes.

The Time Traveler’s soul had returned to her earthly body.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 21st
2017.

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South African Artist SAREJESS and The Cuckoo Cuckoo Clock

July 27, 2017 at 3:30 pm (Art, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , , , , )

South African Artist SAREJESS and The Cuckoo Cuckoo Clock

The great South African artist SAREJESS was once again dreaming a dream.

He was dreaming he was in a Wild West bordello room above a Wild West saloon.

The date on the room’s calendar was marked August 15th 1885.

Outside the room through the window (for the drapes were not closed) was a neon sign that said The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon.

SAREJESS scratched his head and thought to himself, had neon lights even been invented yet back in the 1880s?

A lobster suddenly appeared on the floor of the room and started speaking to SAREJESS, “This sign was made from the earlier Geissler tubes and was arranged in a sign for this saloon by the saloon’s genius proprietress owner Miss Sherrielock Holmes who is the love of my life. Albeit an unrequited love since she is human (although an immortal human) and I but a mere lobster (albeit a lobster with psychic abilities).”

“A lobster with the power of speech?” SAREJESS was amazed.

“But only in my dreams or, in this case, in your dreams,” answered the lobster whose name was Michelangelo, “for in the real world outside dreams, my geneticist creator Dr. Cadbury Rocher did not give me the power to speak. Which is a shame. Otherwise every night, I’d crawl out of my salt water tank and use Dr. Rocher’s mobile phone to phone and text message Sherrielock Holmes and recite Shakespearean and Byronic love poems to her.”

“I’m sure she’d be impressed,” said SAREJESS.

“Indeed, she would,” Michelangelo nodded, “for she is a woman of impeccable good taste.”

The lobster then vanished with the next cry of the cuckoo clock.

Meanwhile in the bed in the room, the man in the bed (whose name was Belvedere) rolled over on top of the lovely blonde woman with nice knockers in the bed (her name was Serena).

“Oh my gosh,” Serena gasped, “here you come again.”

“Wasn’t that the name of a Dolly Parton song?” SAREJESS asked himself.

The cuckoo clock’s cuckoo then came out of the clock again.

This time the cuckoo bird had the face of Orson Welles as he appeared in the 1949 film The Third Man.

“You know,” a much older looking Orson Welles (the same age Welles was when he gave his last interview with Merv Griffin on October 10th 1985) dressed as an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh appeared to SAREJESS, “I always regretted during my long theatrical career that I never played the role of an ancient Egyptian.”

Then SAREJESS woke up.

The Paint Zombie (as his wife now called him due to his recent spate of nocturnal painting sprees) then rushed to his studio where he painted a picture of two cuckoo clocks. One had a cuckoo bird with the face of Orson Welles as the Third Man coming out of it and the other clock had a cuckoo bird with the face of Orson Welles as an Egyptian Pharaoh coming out of it.

As his wife remarked later, “You’ve definitely gone cuckoo, Tim.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 27th
2017.

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South African Artist SAREJESS and The Railway Watch

July 23, 2017 at 6:11 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mystery, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

South African Artist SAREJESS and The Railway Watch

The great South African artist SAREJESS was having another dream.

In this dream, he saw a lovely elegantly designed railway watch on a chain that was hanging between a shapely pair of feminine breasts.

He heard a voice saying, “Oh Serena, what a lovely pair of knockers you have.”

SAREJESS found himself repeating those words in his sleep.

SAREJESS immediately found himself being awakened by his wife Winnie who asked, “Who’s Serena?”.

Tim (SAREJESS’s real first name) stammered in reply.

He figured he’d better run down to his studio.

Because in SAREJESS’ opinion, a frying pan 🍳 was meant for frying eggs and not for hitting husbands over the head when they make stupid statements which husbands are prone to do.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 23rd
2017.

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Belvedere and The Enchantress

July 22, 2017 at 7:58 pm (International Intrigue, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Belvedere and The Enchantress

It was a hot August night in 1885.

And Belvedere the bartender at The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon was the laughing stock of the entire town of Hayden Colorado.

Earlier in the evening, Belvedere had told a saloon bar patron that he was still a virgin.

“What?” The patron started laughing his head off, “You’re 45 years old and you’re still a virgin?”.

Word of Belvedere’s admission had spread around the town like wildfire.

When a fire ranger rode up from Denver to Hayden and was told there was no actual fire, he fell off his horse 🐴 laughing when told the real reason for the excitement in town.

Unfortunately for Belvedere, his employer Sherrielock Holmes the proprietress of The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon was away attending an opera in San Francisco on the West Coast.

Otherwise she’d have tomatoed many of the townspeople’s bottoms for making fun of her bartender.

Belvedere sat on the wooden sidewalk in front of the saloon blubbering away when a beautiful blonde woman walked by.

“What’s wrong, Belvedere?” The beautiful blonde asked.

“Do I know you?” Belvedere blinked at her.

“I’m Serena, one of the new girls that Miss Sherrielock hired last week,” the blonde sat beside him and raised her skirt showing very shapely legs.

“Oh yes, I heard Miss Holmes had hired some new girls,” Belvedere blew his nose into his tie and then took it off and put it into a box intending to give it as a Christmas gift to the man who had told the whole town that he was a virgin.

The lovely blonde reached into her low-cut blouse and pulled out a beautiful railway watch on a chain (that she kept between her cleavage).

“I see it’s 8 in the evening,” Serena cooed, “what do you intend to do the rest of the night?”.

“I have no idea,” Belvedere looked up at the night sky 🌌 and saw a shooting star 🌠.

“Did you make a wish, Belvedere?” She moved closer to him and put her arms around him.

“Um, yes I did,” said Belvedere.

“Well, why don’t you come up to my room then,” she whispered in his ear, “and then we can make your wish come true.”

Belvedere looked inside the water trough for the horses that was a few feet away.

The reflection in the water showed the pyramids of Egypt against the night sky.

Belvedere thought it was an opportune night to make his wish come true.

He walked up the saloon’s back stairs with Serena to her room.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 22nd
2017.

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Belvedere Discovers His Enchantress

June 24, 2017 at 3:40 pm (International Intrigue, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel, western) (, , , , , , , , )

Belvedere the reporter for the Times of London had not always been the ghost of a Ghost White Salamander.

He was originally human but had been turned into a ghost white salamander back in August 1885 when he did not pay a working girl for services rendered in a room above a Wild West saloon.

The brothel girl cast a spell that turned him into a ghost white salamander.

He turned into the ghost of a ghost white salamander when an ox cart heading west ran over him as he crawled in a westernly direction.

Belvedere had heard through his sources that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had managed to take a coloured photograph with his lobster antennae of an assassination attempt made on Josef Stalin in his personal steam locomotive train back on June 22nd 1931.

Belvedere wondered if Michelangelo’s lobster antennae could photographically go back in time to August 15th 1885 the day that he was changed into a ghost white salamander.

And spot who was the enchantress who did this to him?

For Belvedere had forgotten what she looked like after he got run over by an ox cart.

Not of course that the Enchantress was probably still alive to turn him back.

But he’d like to know who she was.

Belvedere went down to the Set Enterprises lab and put in the request to Michelangelo.

Michelangelo’s lobster antennae started flashing red and blue lights as the photo started coming in.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher checked the screen of the computer hooked up to Michelangelo’s antennae as the photo appeared.

Serena

“That’s her,” said Belvedere, “that was the newly employed brothel girl at The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon who turned me into a ghost white salamander when I didn’t pay her for sleeping with me.”

“What,” cried the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set as he entered the room, “that’s Serena my fiancee. You mean to say she time traveled back to the day August 15th 1885 and slept with you?”.

Belvedere decided it might not be a good idea to stay in the same room as an angry vampire so he vanished.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 24th
2017.

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The Steampunk Girl Time Traveler

June 22, 2017 at 5:16 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had called his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set down to the Set Enterprises lab to show him something.

“This is a photographic image that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster picked up from the date June 22nd 1931,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher showed Set the photo.

Serena The Time Traveler

“My god the Great Sun God Ra,” Set whispered, “it’s Serena.”

Serena was the name of Set’s fiancee who had been assassinated by a Soviet assassin Leonid Terovsky back in the autumn of 1924.

Her body was currently lying in a special lab at Set Enterprises.

Prior to that, she had been kept in a glass coffin (at low temperatures to preserve her body) at Set’s colossal West London mansion.

She had been moved to Set Enterprises Laboratories in the year 2000 when Set had hired the scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the great-grandson of French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who had come close to discovering the secret of immortality prior to his being shot down by the Red Baron in April of 1918) and Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister who had attained immortality for herself by eating a specially prepared Lingzhi supernatural mushroom cooked for her by her husband Dr. Louis Rocher).

Set hoped that Dr. Rocher would find a way of bringing his beloved fiancee Serena back from the dead.

“That’s Serena all right,” Set recognized the Steampunk style skirted outfits that she loved to wear.

Steampunk is a genre of science-fiction where the science and inventions of the Victorian and Edwardian era carried on in an alternate universe and machinery was analog and not digital and based on steam power and not petroleum and where airships and dirigibles and monoplanes and biplanes and triplanes ruled the skies and not jets.

Steampunk genre had influenced movies like Wild Wild West, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Van Helsing and the 2009 Sherlock Holmes.

“What is she doing in that photo?” Set asked.

“Notice the Soviet Red Star on the train and she appears to be holding a detonator in her hands,” said Dr. Rocher, “there was an attempt to blow up a train Josef Stalin was riding in back on June 22nd 1931.”

“Serena has become a time traveler,” Set gasped, “and she’s tried to kill Josef Stalin the man who had arranged for the circumstances of her own death.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 22nd
2017.

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Serena Slain

June 20, 2017 at 2:52 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

It was the autumn of 1924.

And the wealthy Egyptian vampire Set was showing his fiancee Serena the house he had bought them.

Soviet secret police assassin Leonid Terovsky watched the couple.

He then stepped forward into the moonlight, pulled out a revolver and fired six shots into Set.

Who didn’t die.

Since he was a vampire.

Terrified and confused, Leonid stepped back.

Angered, Set approached the assassin.

Leonid pulled out his other revolver and started firing again.

This time in the direction of Serena.

Who being mortal immediately hit the ground.

Covered in blood.

“No,” Set screamed as he turned around.

He rushed to Serena and held her in his arms where she died.

Terovsky fled down the street.

Set continued to hold the slain Serena in his arms as he wept.

Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister) was walking down the street when she saw the scene.

She approached.

Set explained what happened.

“I wish I had the chance to turn her into a vampiress as she lay dying but her death happened too quickly,” Set wept.

“I know what you mean,” Sherrielock said, “My love died before he had the opportunity to make himself immortal.”

She told Set how her husband Dr. Louis Rocher had made an extract from the Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom which when she ate it had made her immortal.

But Dr. Rocher had waited to eat the Lingzhi Supernatural Mushrooms himself.

And before he could do so, he ended up being shot down by the Red Baron during the Great War of 1914-18.

“It’s too bad Louis wasn’t still alive,” Sherrielock said, “he might have been able to bring your fiancee back from the dead.”

“Did you and he have any children?” Set asked.

“Yes, five,” Sherrielock replied, “three boys and two girls.”

“I wonder if any of them or their descendants will have your husband Louis’ genius,” Set reflected.

“Possibly,” Sherrielock answered.

Set resolved to have Serena’s body frozen in the hopes that one of Dr. Louis Rocher’s and Sherrielock Holmes’ descendants would be a scientific genius capable of bringing Serena back from the dead.

In the meantime, Set tracked down the assassin Leonid Terovsky, had him tortured and later killed.

But Set gleaned from Terovksy that Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin had ordered the assassination.

Set resolved to destroy both the USSR and the worldwide Bolshevik movement.

But as Set surveyed the world stage, there did not seem to him too many politicians who were capable of destroying both the USSR and the worldwide Bolshevik movement.

Until a young Austrian born politician creating a ruckus in Bavaria came into his sights.

The name of the young Austrian born politician in Bavaria making a name for himself?

Adolf Hitler.

His movement the National Socialist German Workers’ Party- the NSDAP- better known as the Nazis.

Set moved to Germany in 1925 in an effort to better promote and finance the movement.

Just like a stone thrown into water creates unforeseen ripple effects, evil like good can create the same ripple effects.

And no one knows where the ripple effects will end.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 20th
2017.

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Stalin Plans To Attack Set

June 19, 2017 at 3:44 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin was having a conversation with Felix Dzerzhinsky the director of OGPU (the name of the Soviet Secret Police at the time) during the summer of 1924.

Stalin was pissed off by the way the British Empire was carrying on at the time.

“Who the Hell do these Brits think they are anyways?” Stalin foamed with rage towards Dzerzhinsky, “Hell, you think they’re the only people in the world who know how to make tea properly.”

Stalin walked over to a samovar and poured himself a cup of tea.

He put it to his lips and spit it out.

“Do you have any more of that Red Rose tea brand you served me once?” He asked Dzerzhinsky.

“It’s available only in Canada,” Dzerzhinsky replied, “A spy from Canada brought me some once. Just before I shot him for sleeping with my favourite Moscow prostitute who I thought was for my eyes only.”

“We’ll have to invade Canada someday,” Stalin thought philosophically.

“Probably one of those tough strict Jesuit schools in Quebec will produce a Marxist who’ll become Prime Minister someday,” Dzerzhinsky threw aside an old Canadian newspaper that contained Pierre Elliot Trudeau’s birth announcement.

“I want to avenge myself on Britain,” said Stalin, “maybe assassinate one of their leading politicians or businessmen.”

“I don’t think the Soviet Union can win a war with Britain at this point in our history,” Dzerzhinsky said, “might I suggest assassinating a foreigner in the country. There’s a wealthy Egyptian businessman and investor by the name of Mr. Sol Invictus Set. Very buddy buddy with the Prince of Wales. Just bought himself a big house in the Collingwood Hills district of Kensington in West London. Here’s his picture.”

“Who’s the lovely woman with him?” Stalin asked.

“Only goes by the name of Serena,” Dzerzhinsky answered, “she was a magician’s assistant to that magician who goes by the name of the Great Houdini.”

“Isn’t that Houdini a Jew?” Stalin asked with the utmost contempt on his face.

“He is,” Dzerzhinsky answered.

“One day we’ll rid the world of all Jews,” Stalin looked outside his office and noticed Leon Trotsky walking down the hall.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 19th
2017.

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