Agathor and Magog Meet In London
Agathor and Magog Meet In London
Having visited their respective constituencies, former British Conservative Party MP Agathor Christie and former British Labour Party MP Magog Rhys Petley met up again in London.
The two former MPs (of different political parties) had formed a private eye business together in the British capital after their respective defeats in the 2017 UK General Election.
Now that a December election was looming this year, both men decided to try their luck at getting back into Parliament.
Not that it would be an easy task as the 2 British Transhumanist Party candidates who had defeated them- Renfield R. Renfield in Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds (who took out Agathor) and the Welsh vampiress Morgana in the Welsh constituency of Newbridge (who took out Magog) were extremely popular among their constituents heading into the next election campaign.
Still as Count Dracula said when he went to sleep in his coffin the night he would end up being slain by Dr. Abraham Van Helsing, “Never say die.”
Thus proving there was a definite disparity between words and action.
“So, how’s it going, Agathor?” Magog asked his Conservative friend.
“Good, good,” Agathor answered.
Silence.
“And how’s it going, Magog?” Agathor inquired of his Labour friend.
“Good, good,” Magog answered.
Silence again.
“Well, nice seeing you again, Magog,” Agathor finished his beer and stood up to leave.
“You too, Agathor,” Magog likewise finished his beer and stood up to leave.
The two shook hands and went back to their respective London lodgings.
“What a waste of time that meeting seemed to have been,” a British Liberal Democratic MP said to a small talking peregrine falcon who claimed to be a reincarnation of the Egyptian god Horus.
“I agree,” said Horus who was busy looking at the way his eye was depicted on the back of the U.S. One Dollar bill that lay on the table.
The Egyptian jackal headed god Anubis who was sitting at a corner table (and watching the Liberal Democratic Party MP with the talking peregrine falcon who claimed to be the reincarnation of Horus) finished his beer and thought to himself, “I better go and tell Dad that the spirit of his nephew Horus might be possessing the body of a peregrine falcon.”
He went to tell his father the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set the news.
Meanwhile Agathor Christie had returned to his London lodgings and was having pleasant dreams.
He dreamed he was down in Mexico where he was meeting Señorita Dulcinea del Toboso the love of Don Quixote’s life.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 6th
2019.
The Great Pumpkin
The Great Pumpkin
The vampiress Allatallahbel held an apple in her hands.
The vampiress priestess of Baal held it out to the visitor to the Vatican.
“Halloween apples,” she smiled.
The visitor took the apple, bit into it and ate.
His head immediately exploded leaving an awful mess on the Vatican walls for the Vatican cleaning staff to clean up.
For the apple being from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil had given the man full knowledge of both good and evil.
And naturally, being mortal, he could not handle that knowledge.
So his head exploded leaving brains and cerebral fluids all over a Renaissance portrait of Pope Alexander VI.
The Borgia Pope had never looked so good.
And as for the man who had tasted the knowledge of good and evil, he had surely died.
Making the original Serpent of Eden a liar.
. . .
The Vampiress Priestess of Baal’s ally Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow was riding his zombie black horse Bucephalus Reborn across the lawn of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London mansion.
He had been sent here by Allatallahbel to bump off British MP Renfield R. Renfield who had become a major thorn in the side to some of Allatallabel’s vampiress and middle eastern goddess allies.
Unbeknownst to the Headless Horseman and his singing black zombie horse who was currently singing the lyrics “I wore raspberry beret” namely because the horse was wearing a raspberry beret making him look extremely ridiculous on this night before Halloween, Renfield was in a Bed and Breakfast in the town of Tewkesbury getting ready to begin his constituency MP re-election campaign.
The Headless Horseman was riding along without his pumpkin head because it had been blown off in a strong wind storm that had suddenly descended on the streets of central London.
As such, he did not see all the huge cubes of a mysterious scarlet red coloured ice that decorated the lawns of the Set estate.
And as for Buchephalus Reborn, he was so engrossed in his own singing as well as his raspberry beret slipping down over his equine eyes, the horse did not notice the mysterious scarlet red coloured ice cubes either.
The horse slipped on the ice cubes and fell sending his rider Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow soaring through the air and through the huge panoramic window of the Set Estate living room.
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, who had been comfortably sitting in his arm chair holding a glass of very good Port wine in one hand and a copy of The Economist Magazine in the other, called out to his butler and valet, “Athelstan, I think you better immediately call the emergency number of the 24-hour window replacement service.”
“Very good, sir,” Athelstan walked over to the phone and proceeded to do just that.
“Nefertiti Galore,” Set called out to the estate’s watch cat with fierce claws, “Sic him.”
The Headless Horseman soon found himself attacked by the cat Nefertiti Galore and rushed back out the window.
Somehow he miraculously managed to get back on top of Bucephalus Reborn and horse and rider fled through the streets of London being diligently pursued by the ferocious claws of Set’s pet cat Nefertiti Galore.
Up above the skies of London, a ferocious looking Great Pumpkin shone down on top of them.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 30th
2019.
Renfield Begins Re-Election Campaign
Renfield Begins Re-Election Campaign
By a margin of 438 votes to 20, the British House of Commons voted to approve Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s date for a UK national election to be held this coming December 12th.
This would pave the way for Britain’s first December election since 1923.
Johnson said the British public must be given a choice over the future of “Brexit and the country”.
As the vote took place, British MP Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering sat on the benches eating a dozen Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches that he pulled out of a large bag prominently displaying the Chick-fil-A logo.
He also wore a t-shirt showing Lot’s wife turning into a pillar of salt when she turned back to look on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.
The visual display at the moment of the historic vote lost him the endorsement of both Justin Trudeau and Barack Obama for his re-election campaign (not of course that Renfield was expecting their endorsements anyways).
Renfield also earned himself an excommunication from Pope Francis even though he wasn’t Catholic (but then again it could be argued neither was the Pope).
Renfield went home to the colossal West London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set where he lived while in London.
He noticed Set on the front lawn outside cutting up a large block of ice and what appeared to be a body inside the block of ice.
Renfield walked through the front door of the mansion where he informed his friend Amadeus Emanon that he would be renting a room in a Bed and Breakfast place in the town of Tewkesbury for the next couple of months as he fought his re-election campaign in his constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.
Meanwhile London-based PIs Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie were flying home from New York City to London.
They had just finished handing in a report to Lev Tomi the Secretary General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change on who were the groups and individuals responsible for starting the wild fires that raged through the Amazon rain forests this past summer.
Their investigation came to a sudden halt when they stumbled on a location where shaman priests and priestesses of Pachamama (who was the ancient Inca goddess of the earth and earthquakes) were sacrificing both llamas and humans to Pachamama.
Now that it looked like a UK general election would soon be held, the two private eyes mutually agreed to seek their old jobs as MPs.
For Agathor Christie who had been the British Conservative MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds prior to the spring 2017 British election, this would mean defeating current British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield (who had beaten him back in spring 2017).
For Magog Rhys Petley who had been British Labour MP for the Welsh constituency of Newbridge prior to the spring 2017 election, this would mean defeating British Transhumanist MP Morgana Fay Lee who was a Welsh vampiress who had beaten him back in spring 2017.
The Welsh vampiress Morgana: the lovely little devil about to take on Welsh werewolf Magog Rhys Petley in the upcoming British general election.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 29th
2019.
Jarvey Epwein and The Egyptian Vampire
Jarvey Epwein and The Egyptian Vampire
Billionaire Jarvey Epwein was a New York banker and investor as well as a financier behind the production of many Hollywood film blockbusters.
Not many people were aware of Jarvey Epwein’s existence.
Even fewer had Jarvey Epwein’s personal mobile phone number.
The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was one individual who did.
Epwein was surprised to get a phone call from the mysterious nocturnal Egyptian last night inviting him to come to London to partake of a major investment opportunity.
Epwein wasn’t one to rush to anyone’s beck and call.
But Jarvey Epwein knew that Set Enterprises through the research of its chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was years ahead of anybody else when it came to genetics and DNA research.
If Epwein could get himself a slice of that pie, his already hefty bank accounts and profit margins would become even heftier (like Jabba the Hutt a long time ago in a galaxy far far away).
Tonight the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was walking Jarvey Epwein through the Canary Wharf plant that was Set Enterprises laboratories.
“Well, I must say, Sol,” Epwein called the nocturnal Egyptian by his first name of which his full name was Sol Invictus Set, “I’m really impressed. But where is this Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster that I’ve heard the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds and George Soros raving about?”.
Set paused and blinked, “I wasn’t aware that the Rockefellers and Rothschilds and George Soros knew of Michelangelo’s existence.”
“It’s hard to find anything or anyone that their intelligence networks are not aware of,” Jarvey Epwein laughed as he sipped his own personal brand of cocktail that he called a Lolita, “or my intelligence networks for that matter.”
“I’m afraid Michelangelo is feeling a little under the weather this evening,” Set explained, “my personal concert pianist Amadeus Emanon took Michelangelo for a walk last night in the middle of the pouring rain and the poor lobster caught a cold. He’s currently wrapped in a waterproof warm blanket at the bottom of his aquarium floor. Dr. Cadbury Rocher is currently running a computer analysis to see if lemon flavoured Neo-Citran is at all detrimental to the health of psychic lobsters before we start serving him a glass before his regular bedtime.”
“I’m sorry that I won’t be able to meet Michelangelo then,” Jarvey Epwein sighed, “so Sol what did you want to talk to me about?”.
“Well,” Set rose to his full enormous fierce looking height, “you may have heard that last Wednesday a lorry carrying a refrigerator trailer was found in an industrial park in Grays, Essex, England. It contained the bodies of 39 migrants who had suffocated and froze to death in the refrigerator unit. You may have heard that my former employee Renfield R. Renfield (who used to be the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering For Set Enterprises) is now a British MP and a member of the British Cabinet. He was assigned by the government to oversee the investigation finding who was responsible for running the human trafficking and people smuggling ring responsible for these migrants’ tragic deaths. Anyways most of British Intelligence has been working overtime and even Set Enterprises’ forensic accounting department has been running checks. It would of course be ultimately difficult to prove in a court of law but this particular ring of human trafficking seems to be part of a larger network of rings that ultimately find themselves under the aegis of certain numbered holding companies. Anyhow the apex of the pyramid seems ultimately to be traced to you. There is a large part of your revenue that seems to be unaccounted for. But computer analytics at Set Enterprises shows part of that unaccounted revenue seems to fit in with the money being made by this one particular network of human trafficking rings of which one ring seems to be the one that overlooked the Essex lorry trafficking operation.”
“Like you say, Sol,” Epwein smiled and laughed, “it would all be difficult to prove in a court of law. Now stop wasting my time. Are you here to show me an investment opportunity or not? I’m not here to play child’s games concerning the deaths of a bunch of people.”
“I do have something to show you,” Set opened a door and waved Epwein into the room.
Epwein entered.
“It’s dark,” the billionaire banker, investor and film financier commented, “what is this place?”.
“It’s Set Enterprises’ refrigerator unit,” Set answered as he closed the door of the room with Epwein inside and he the nocturnal Egyptian outside.
He then locked the door.
No one heard Epwein’s screams that went on and on…
… until… they didn’t.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 28th
2019.
Ukrainian Easter Eggs At The Bottom of The Rabbit Hole
Ukrainian Easter Eggs At The Bottom of The Rabbit Hole
Angelique Dumont was watching television as she sat in the cafe.
The cafe TV showed Donald Trump making a video conferencing call with a U.S. scientific expedition down in the Antarctic.
Donald Trump was talking to a group of penguins that the scientists were filming.
Trump told the penguins, “I sincerely hope that you will ask the government of Antarctica to investigate the activities of Joe Biden and his son Hunter.”
Angelique’s boyfriend Amadeus Emanon soon joined her at her table.
“First Trump has asked Ukraine and earlier today China and now the Antarctic to investigate the activities of Joe and Hunter Biden,” Angelique remarked to Amadeus.
“That seems to be one all encompassing rabbit hole,” Amadeus reached for a carrot from the vegetable appetizer plate for two.
“Of which Ukraine seems to be a part,” Angelique ate her perogies and sour cream, “Have you ever been to Ukraine?”.
“Once,” Amadeus nodded, “Back in 2015 when Renfield was still Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises, the Boss (Amadeus was referring to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) sent Renfield to Kiev to meet a Ukrainian billionaire oligarch Ihor Kolomoyskyi to work out a possible business deal between Koloymoyskyi and Set Enterprises. The deal didn’t work out but I got to spend a few days in Kiev.”
. . .
Back in 2015, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was giving Renfield and Amadeus a heads up on their meeting with Ukrainian billionaire oligarch Ihor Kolomoyskyi.
“This Kolomoyskyi is an interesting character,” Set began, “It’s against Ukrainian law for Ukrainian citizens to hold dual citizenship with another country so Koloymoyskyi gets around it by holding citizenship in 3 countries- Ukraine, Israel and Cyprus.”
“I take it that it’s not against the law for Ukrainian citizens to be citizens of 3 countries,” Amadeus munched on his bucket of hot buttered popcorn.
“Brilliant deduction, Amadeus,” Set answered in somewhat agitated fashion.
“Anything else we should know about this Ihor Koloymoyskyi?” Renfield asked.
“He likes to intimidate people when they first come to his office,” Set helped himself to a live crocodile from a nearby aquarium and ate it, “his office adjoins a shark tank with clear glass windows so that you can see the sharks when you enter his office. As soon as you’re invited to sit down, Mr. Koloymoyskyi will push a button on his desk and a spray of shrimp will shoot up in the aquarium which the sharks will promptly eat leaving patches of blood in the water.”
“He sounds like a villain in a James Bond film,” Amadeus turned pale.
“He does,” Set admitted.
“Well, thanks for giving us the heads up, Boss,” Renfield ate his shark fin’s soup and shrimp salad.
. . .
In his office adjacent to the shark tank which had a motorcycle and a black leather jacket (which had the words THE FONZ written on it) lying on the ocean like sand and rocks and sea weed at the bottom of the tank, Ihor Koloymoyskyi invited Renfield and Amadeus to sit down.
Once Renfield and Amadeus had sat down, then Koloymoyskyi (grinning like the Cheshire Cat about to eat the canary) pushed the button on his desk.
A spray of shrimp shot up into the aquarium and the sharks promptly ate the shrimps leaving patches of blood in the water.
As Amadeus sat looking petrified, Renfield calmly lit himself a cigar as all this was going on and started blowing smoke rings in the shape of the figures of Sir Winston Churchill and the British Lion.
When the sharks had finished eating the shrimps, Renfield removed a laser pointer pen from his pocket and pointed the laser point at the sharks.
This was no ordinary laser point for the laser beam immediately started dissecting the sharks and cutting them up.
When Renfield had finished, he helped himself uninvited to the bottle of Douro Valley Portuguese Port wine that Koloymoyskyi had on his desk and poured himself a glass.
“So,” Renfield lit himself another cigar, “let’s get down to business shall we?”.
“I paid $5 million each for each one of those sharks,” cried a thunder struck Koloymoyskyi.
“Boy, were you ever taken for a ride,” Renfield blew a smoke ring shaped like the Batmobile.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 3rd
2019.
Trump Dances With Kim Jong-un On The Korean Border
Trump Dances With Kim Jong-un On The Korean Border
The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was going to watch some news footage.
He would not be viewing the news footage on his smart phone or tablet or laptop as the old Egyptian deity had recently come down with a severe allergy to 21st Century technology.
His physician (who specialized in vampiric and other supernatural creature ailments) Dr. Henry Jekyll said that might be a good thing since it would make him less likely to accept the integrated Mark of the Beast system when the Antichrist took power on the world stage.
Set agreed that it might have its advantages.
So Set’s chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher had arranged a Set Enterprises team to download news off the Net, put it over on to old fashioned film, wind it on to old fashioned film reels, put them on a film projector and then project the images from the film projector on to a white screen in a darkened room.
Set would currently be watching uncensored news footage (not generally available to most of the world’s population) of United States President Donald Trump meeting North Korean leader Kim Jong-un on the border between the two Koreas on the Korean Peninsula earlier today.
The film showed Trump waving to Kim Jong-un in the DMZ (Demilitarized Zone) between North and South Korea.
The two men shook hands.
Kim invited Trump to step over the northern DMZ line across the border into North Korea.
Trump stuck his left leg across the border into North Korea and began to sing, “You put your left foot in… ” (puts his left foot across the border), “you take your left foot out” (takes his left foot back into the DMZ), “you do the hokey pokey and you shake it all about” (Trump spins around like an idiot while standing on his right leg alone as he shakes his left leg in the air as he spins around).
Mr. Trump then proceeded to do the same with his right foot, “You put your right foot in, you take your right foot out, you do the hokey pokey and you shake it all about” all the while doing the accompanying actions and spins between the DMZ line and the North Korean border using a different leg and foot this time.
“Is the President of the United States actually doing what my eyes seem to suggest he’s doing?” Set asked his butler and valet Athelstan.
“I believe he is, sir,” Athelstan answered.
“Well this explains why they now allow people from other countries to perform on the show America’s Got Talent,” Set started to eat his hot buttered popcorn as he sat in his theatre seat.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Sunday June 30th
2019.
Miranda Singh At The King David Hotel In Jerusalem
Miranda Singh At The King David Hotel In Jerusalem
Miranda Singh in the lobby of the King David Hotel in Jerusalem
Miranda Singh the Executive Secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was sitting in the lobby of the King David Hotel in Jerusalem.
Earlier in the day, she had worn Kali’s bracelets of invisibility and had spied on the closed door meeting between U.S. National Security advisor John Bolton and Russian National Security advisor Nikolay Patrushev where the pair had discussed Ukraine, arms control and Venezuela.
Tomorrow there would be a trilateral meeting with Israeli National Security advisor Meir Ben-Shabbat that Miranda Singh would also be attending uninvited.
. . .
In London, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was reading text messages from Miranda Singh.
His personal butler and valet Athelstan was acting as his secretary while Miss Singh was away.
“Athelstan, cancel my invitation to the 6th Annual Nicolas Maduro Invitational Golf Tournament in Caracas next month,” Set directed.
“Very good, sir,” Athelstan made a note of that.
“Athelstan, cancel my invitation to the 1st Annual Volodymyr Zelensky Invitational Golf Tournament in Kiev next month,” Set said after reading another text message.
“Very good, sir,” Athelstan also made a note of that.
“Athelstan, cancel my invitation to the 3rd Annual Donald Trump Display of U.S. Military Power Invitational Golf Tournament at the Mar-a-Lago Club in Florida for next month,” Set announced after reading a third text message.
“Very good, sir,” Athelstan likewise made a note of that.
Set then made a call to his stock broker to invest in a company that would soon be exporting ice to Tuktoyaktuk which is Canada’s northernmost community on the Arctic Ocean.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 24th
2019.
Vampire Set Addresses Cleopatra’s Needle: A Poem
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was walking the Victoria Embankment of the River Thames when he came across Cleopatra’s Needle.
The vampire put his hands on the ancient obelisk which was originally erected in the Egyptian city of Heliopolis on the orders of Pharaoh Thutmose III around 1450 BC.
He addressed the obelisk as he touched it:
You are a relic from the land of my birth
When I first emerged from the sands of the earth
And yet you have no memory of me at all
a silent blind sentinal to all I’ve done great and small
I slew my brother Osiris out of jealousy
because I wanted our sister Isis for me
And threw parts of him up and down the Nile
Which Isis went and retrieved mile by mile
She’d not have done the same for me
That’s when I realized I counted for nothing at all.
So my name is mud in the annals of history
How she restored him to life remains a mystery
And my nephew Horus emerged too
Ensuring my dark reign was through
But this was not always the case
Grandfather Ra thought me the fairest of the race
When I slew the serpent Apophis on the barge of the sun
Then heroism and light was the course I did run
But that is forgotten now
Wiped away like the sweat off my brow
My day in the sun is no more
Dark shadowy ground forever my floor
A creature of the night forevermore
And yet once last century
I was briefly happy
When I met Serena a daughter of time
And love rose like meter to rhyme
I should have known
lasting happiness was not mine
She was killed by an agent of terror
Stalin who ruled his land by trial and error
Trial for those ruled, and error it could not be
In that dark mind of cruel majesty
So Serena is gone
Stalin is gone
And I live on and on
From the night I came
To the night I return
And any sands I walk
Are sands the sun does not burn.
-A poem recited by Set to Cleopatra’s Needle
-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday April 14th
2019.
Serena the mortal human fiancee of Set who was slain by Stalinist agents in London in the autumn of 1924
Reblog of The Steampunk Girl Time Traveler
A vampire novel chapter I wrote a year and a half ago.
Dr. Cadbury Rocher had called his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set down to the Set Enterprises lab to show him something.
“This is a photographic image that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster picked up from the date June 22nd 1931,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher showed Set the photo.
“My god the Great Sun God Ra,” Set whispered, “it’s Serena.”
Serena was the name of Set’s fiancee who had been assassinated by a Soviet assassin Leonid Terovsky back in the autumn of 1924.
Her body was currently lying in a special lab at Set Enterprises.
Prior to that, she had been kept in a glass coffin (at low temperatures to preserve her body) at Set’s colossal West London mansion.
She had been moved to Set Enterprises Laboratories in the year 2000 when Set had hired the scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the great-grandson of French scientist Dr. Louis…
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Reblog of Serena Slain
A vampire novel chapter I wrote over a year ago.
But it ties in with some vampire novel chapters I have written recently.
It was the autumn of 1924.
And the wealthy Egyptian vampire Set was showing his fiancee Serena the house he had bought them.
Soviet secret police assassin Leonid Terovsky watched the couple.
He then stepped forward into the moonlight, pulled out a revolver and fired six shots into Set.
Who didn’t die.
Since he was a vampire.
Terrified and confused, Leonid stepped back.
Angered, Set approached the assassin.
Leonid pulled out his other revolver and started firing again.
This time in the direction of Serena.
Who being mortal immediately hit the ground.
Covered in blood.
“No,” Set screamed as he turned around.
He rushed to Serena and held her in his arms where she died.
Terovsky fled down the street.
Set continued to hold the slain Serena in his arms as he wept.
Sherrielock Holmes (who was Sherlock Holmes’ lesser known twin sister) was walking down the street when she…
View original post 383 more words
