Xi Jinping Plans To Bang Italian Harlot In Shanghai While Continuing With His World Domination Plans

December 19, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Communist China’s paramount leader the evil megalomaniac Xi Jinping was talking to his Supernaturnal entity advisor the Black Dragon who had emerged from a black hole in the Andromeda Galaxy eons ago.

“Heilong,” Xi asked the Black Dragon, “What’s the name of that airheaded Italian harlot I always bang whenever I visit Shanghai?”.

“That would be Ambra Schilliro the Italian Commie journalist and Babylonianish harlot social butterfly who flutters around on her Social Cloud spreading Chinese Communist Party Public Relations (what British MP Renfield R. Renfield refers to as Neo-Maoist propaganda and bullshit) in the countries of China, Italy, the U.S. and Korea.”

Xi putting on a fertilizer cologne, “Yes, that’s the one. Book me an appointment with her for tonight.”

“But I understand 666 members of the Shanghai branch of the CCP had booked to bang her in one massive gang bang tonight,” Heilong pointed out.

“Well, put them on hold,” Xi foamed, “As always happens to me when I use my Huawei phone these days. I had to break down and start using Samsung.”

A PLA soldier approaches Xi, “Your Almightiness, we regret to report that our People’s Red Army just got our asses kicked by India’s Army on the India-China border again.”

“Well cover it up like we did before,” Xi barked.

Later in Shanghai, Xi paid a visit to the Italian harlot Ambra Schilliro.

He inserted his organ into Ambra’s mouth.

“Think of it as sucking on an egg roll,” Xi said neglecting to mention that egg rolls were a lot larger.

He then inserted it into the orifice between her front legs.

And then inserted it into the orifice between her back legs.

And then inserted it into her left nostril.

“Think of it as a Covid-19 test,” Xi had said.

He then inserted it into her right nostril.

“Think of it as a Covid-19 re-test,” Xi pontificated.

He then inserted it into her right ear.

“Think of it as a wax cleaning,” Xi smiled.

He then inserted it into her left ear as he remarked, “More wax cleaning.”

Heilong had put on dark sunglasses as he watched the spectacle.

“That Italian harlot,” Heilong noted, “seems to be getting as many orifices penetrated as Procopius the Byzantine historian (and secretary to the Byzantine general Belisarius) noted happened to Justinian’s wife the Empress Theodora in Procopius’ Secret History.”

The Byzantine vampiress Theodora (who had dropped into Shanghai to pick up an order of Shanghai Fried Rice) overheard Heilong’s remarks and said, “Everything Procopius wrote about me is a lie.”


Theodora: Everything Procopius wrote about her is a lie

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 19th
2020.

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Lightning Strikes Oriental Pearl Tower In Shanghai

August 11, 2020 at 11:19 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was conversing with his friend Amadeus Emanon via Skype.

“So what’s The Hooterville Cannonball up to?” Amadeus asked Renfield.

The Hooterville Cannonball was the name of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis oil powered dirigible airship.

“Well, she was in the Philippines yesterday buying a whole bunch of giant clams for Set’s proposed clam bake in September (unless it’s outlawed by the Boris Johnson government for fear it will violate social distancing),” Renfield was coincidentally eating some West Philippine Sea giant clams as he said this.

“I heard reports from an eccentric Australian named Uncle Ernie that I met in a pub yesterday that, according to the short wave radio that’s hidden in his tin foil hat wearing desert cactus plant that apparently smokes pot according to him, that the Hooterville Cannonball was flying in the direction of mainland China after purchasing the giant clams from Philippine fishermen,” Amadeus helped himself to some marijuana laced oysters.

“That’s true,” Renfield nodded, “Set Enterprises received information that a Chinese Ministry of State Security official wishes to defect to the West and specifically Britain because he apparently enjoys the idea of eating fish and chips while picnicking in the park which is a quaint British pasttime.”

“What inspired him to defect?” Amadeus asked.

“He apparently encountered the legendary immortal Princess Kwan Yin (who’s venerated as a goddess of mercy in some branches of Buddhism) outside a cave in a rural area of southern China and she smiled at him causing him to faint because she was so beautiful,” Renfield explained.

“When did this happen?” Amadeus inquired.

“Yesterday,” Renfield explained, “His old fashioned wireless put in an emergency distress call that was in fact picked up by the short wave radio hidden inside Uncle Ernie’s tin foil hat wearing desert cactus plant that smokes pot and Uncle Ernie’s cactus communicated the message to Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster’s lobster antennae. Since the Hooterville Cannonball happened to be in the vicinity, Set ordered it to China to pick up the defector.”

“I hear China has been undergoing all sorts of extreme weather phenomena the past few months,” Amadeus noted.

“That’s true,” Renfield unveiled a weather map of China he happened to have behind him, “There has been extreme flooding in many parts of China causing many dams to burst which makes the situation even worse.
This past July 28th snow actually fell in the city of Beijing on a hot summer day. Although Chinese Communist party officials denied it was snow because being good Marxists, they deny objective reality. Then yesterday a very bizarre series of unusual looking lightning bolts struck the Oriental Pearl Tower in Shanghai which is the 6th tallest tower in the world. So naturally the China Daily which is the Communist Party of China’s daily English language newspaper immediately issued a story that lightning did not strike the Oriental Pearl Tower.”

“Another denial of reality,” Amadeus commented.

In Beijing, China’s paramount and officially atheist leader Xi Jinping commented to no one in particular, “The Emperor of Heaven is not against me despite all appearances.”

A seagull came down and laid a one thousand year old egg in his hair.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 11th
2020.

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