Maid Marian and The Key To Nottingham Castle

February 19, 2021 at 11:21 pm (Entertainment, Fantasy, Folklore, History) (, , , , , )

“You seem to be eating a lot of fish there, Friar,” Robin Hood remarked to the good Friar Tuck.

“It’s Friday in Lent,” Friar Tuck remarked after having consumed a plate of 3 dozen fish.

“Are you going to join me in rescuing Will Scarlet from the evil Sheriff of Nottingham?’ Robin asked.

“I suppose I could stand a little exercise,” Friar Tuck patted his extremely round belly.

“Right, let’s get a move on then,” Robin said, “We’re going to meet Maid Marian at the edge of Sherwood Forest where she’s going to present us with the key to Nottingham Castle.”

“I take it that is where poor Will is being held,” Friar Tuck sipped from his cup of ale.

“It is indeed, my good Friar,” Robin loaded up his back pack with arrows while he held his trusty bow in hand, “In the dungeon.”

Friar Tuck was about to reach for a leg of chicken but then reasoned chicken might be considered meat and so withdrew his hand.

“How will we get into the dungeon?” Tuck inquired.

“That’s what we have the key for,” Robin explained, “which Marian will give us.”

“That explains why you’re the leader of our band of renegades,” Tuck tried to tie his cassock around his enormously large waist with not much success, “and why I’m not.”

“It does indeed, Tuck,” Robin smiled.

Alan-a-Dale followed behind Robin Hood and Friar Tuck carrying his harp and playing it.

“Are you going to Nottingham Fair?” Alan-a-Dale sang, “Rosemary, sage, parsley and thyme…”

“The mention of all those spices is making me hungry,” Tuck remarked.

“The mention of London Bridge falling down would probably make you hungry,” Robin commented.

“It would at that,” Tuck agreed.

They soon came to the edge of Sherwood Forest where they met Maid Marian carrying the key to Nottingham Castle:

Robin picked up the key and carried it on his way to the castle where after Friar Tuck hit castle guards over the head using large fish bones that he carried in a basket, they made their way to the dungeon where they rescued Will Scarlet.

Safe on the edge of the forest again, Robin fired an arrow back in the direction of Nottingham Castle to the tower floor on which the Sheriff of Nottingham had his bedroom.

The arrow had a message attached to it that read,

“My dear Sheriff of Nottingham,

Your prisoner has escaped.

Yours affectionately,

Robin Hood.”

Back in the forest again at Robin Hood’s camp, Friar Tuck complained, “I feel hungry again.”

It was a good thing for the good friar that Made Marian had baked 3 dozen apple pies.

-A Robin Hood tale
written by Christopher
Friday February 19th
2021.

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Michelangelo’s Dream of Robin Hood

August 7, 2020 at 10:51 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting with Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster and watching news footage of a speech George Soros gave at his most recent Davos World Economic Forum private dinner that was held on Thursday January 23rd of this year.

“The man looks like a poster child for demonic possession,” Renfield remarked, “If someone ever wanted a transgendered Linda Blair for a geriatric remake of the 1973 film The Exorcist, then George Soros is definitely the man for the job.”

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was already hiding under an artificial shipwreck at the bottom of his aquarium trying hard not to look at the demon possessed Soros.

Turning off the TV, Renfield bid Michelangelo good night and left the Set Enterprises laboratory.

Mounting a plastic mermaid at the bottom of the aquarium, Michelangelo fell asleep.

The lobster dreamed that he was human- Robin Hood in fact.

Good King Richard the Lion Hearted (a man who looked a lot like Renfield) had been taken hostage by an evil Austrian baron (a man who looked a lot like Bill Gates) over on the continent.

The evil Austrian baron was in cahoots with the evil Prince John (a man who looked a lot like George Soros).

Prince John was now ruling the English people as Prince Regent.

He had also unleashed a bubonic plague (bought from a Chinese alchemist named Gin Lu) which allowed him to lock the English people (Anglo-Saxons and Normans alike) in their homes.

The Sheriff of Nottingham (a man who looked like the senility prone Joe Biden) rode his horse backwards all over England to enforce the evil Prince John’s will in between asking “Where am I?” and occasionally stopping to sniff the hair of various women he encountered while riding his horse bassackwards.

Prince John had taken the beautiful Maid Marion (who looked like Rita Hayworth) hostage.

Michelangelo as the dashing Robin Hood (in his human shape, he looked like Gene Kelly) broke in to rescue her.

Having rescued the fair Marion, he turned and there stood the evil Prince John while the senile Sheriff of Nottingham lay on the floor sniffing the fur of chipmunks.

Prince John pointed an arrow at Robin’s heart with a bow, “Good-bye Robin.”

As he fired, the Sheriff of Nottingham stood up to announce, “I just remembered having forgotten where I laid my tiny codpiece this morning where I stand on the issue of human sacrifice. I’m personally opposed but…”

Prince John shot the Sheriff of Nottingham in the buttocks.

The manoevre allowed Robin Hood to grab a sword and behead the evil Prince John

He then kissed the beautiful Maid Marion.

Michelangelo smiled in his sleep.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 7th
2020.

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