Pan Goatee’s Twin Sister, Edgar Allan Poe, Robert E. Lee, The Mermaid and The Kraken: A Poem

January 19, 2019 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Literature, love, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


DARPA Contract assassiness Panty Goatee disguised as the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria appearing to Edgar Allan Poe on the day of his death October 7th 1849

‘Twas the night before the Super Wolf Blood Moon
and all through the earth, strange creatures were stirring
and at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland
Shiva and Kali danced the Dance of Death
because of the foolishness of foolish mortals
DARPA and CERN had teamed up to send
Pan Goatee’s genetically cloned twin sister
the beautiful Panty Goatee back in time
to Baltimore Maryland on October 7th 1849
disguised as Poe’s immortal love
the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria

They were sending Panty back as Lenora
On this date of January 19th 2019
on what would have been Poe’s 210th birthday
if he had been still alive or had become an immortal

So as the full moon cast a mysterious looking lunar rainbow
Down upon a cloud as snowflakes fell to Earth
Around the Swiss countryside
And Kali and Shiva danced a frozen version of Swan Lake
as the Greek god Zeus choked on the drumstick of Leda’s
duck a l’orange
and the Chinese moon goddess Chang’e laughed heartedly
while sampling the delicacy of Peking Duck sprinkled
with a little Soma lunar elixir of life
As her snow white jack rabbit hare friend ate carrots
and developed superior night vision.

Why was Panty going back in time as Lenora
to Poe on his death day?
It was a plan conceived by DARPA’S new AI robot
Built by a DARPA employee under the mentorship of Sophia
The Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom
Unbeknownst to both DARPA and CERN however
the AI robot had come up with the idea
after being shortcircuited
when DARPA’s mascot Jefferey the otter
had poured a 40 ounce bottle of bourbon
down the AI’s metallic throat
because Jefferey thought the robot could use a drink.

As such both the drink and the plan
would spell doom to the best laid plans
of CERN and DARPA
Both should have stuck to building better mousetraps
And making plans to celebrate Robbie Burns Day
later this month.

Panty as Lenora approached Poe
The writer looked at her and whispered “My long lost love Lenore”
Then he whispered “Reynolds” as he saw the genetic clone
That the immortal Egyptian scientist Imhotep
had made of the writer and named “Reynolds”
Poe then croaked
and a raven outside the window wept bitter tears
As Poe would say “Lenore” nevermore.

Inside a Rome coffee shop
Abraham Lincoln’s ghost
And the ghost of Gen. Robert E. Lee
celebrated the Confederate General’s 212th birthday today
January 19th 2019
As the Egyptian god Osiris watched
Lincoln raised his cappuccino in a toast,
“Here’s to old enemies becoming friends again”.

And on a marble floor inside the Vatican was a gold ashtray
containing the gold plated figures of a mermaid and a Kraken
who were very much in love
The Kraken told his beloved mermaid,
I want this moment to last forever

His wish came true when King Midas touched them both.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 19th
2019.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of 2018 U.S. Midterm Elections

November 3, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, Science, The Supernatural, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was back in the U.K. again after a brief one day Dia de Los Muertos visit to Mexico City where he videotaped the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec ripping out the live still beating heart of a horny sexually predatory and sexually harassing Google exec (one of many who had recently inspired a spate of Google employee strikes across the world).

Renfield then posted the video on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter where it went viral across the Net.

The video was the one thing Renfield did that met with the approval of the #MeTooMovement.

After watching the video, the unlamented former Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein woke up screaming in the night about having a dream of open heart surgery being performed on him without the use of anesthetic.

Another consequence was that Texas cowboys and gunslingers stopped falling in love with Mexican girls in cantinas out in the West Texas town of El Paso much to singer Marty Robbins’ displeasure.

After the burning of the heart was done in front of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl (who because of his advanced age was starting to prefer his meat cooked well done rather than raw or rare these days), the Aztec deity (who was worshipped as Kukulkan by the Mayans) after eating the heart proceeded to sit down on a sofa with a bottle of tequila (containing inside it a worm in front of a biodegradable cardboard tombstone that had for an epitaph POE’S THE CONQUEROR WORM Conquered) in front of a television set and watched Orson Welles’ last film The Other Side of The Wind on Netflix.

Outside his Mexico City penthouse apartment, the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith performed one huge storm of a whirlwind as the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) the head of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change gave a speech on climate change in the city.

Meanwhile back in Qonzilqointec’s penthouse suite on the other side of the street, the Aztec vampiress made out with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing engaging in BDSM foreplay and mystical magic tantric sex afterwards.

Renfield flew back to Britain from Mexico listening to the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper and Magical Mystery Tour albums on his airplane headphones while eating a nice dinner of curried lamb and curried goats’ legs on Manitoba wild rice.

Back at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland, the Hindu destroyer and transformer god Shiva was trying to make a curried dinner out of hubris ridden CERN scientists who had just uncovered a “ghost particle” that was about to upset the equilibrium balance of the entire cosmos.

A result of all this was that scientist Stephen Hawking was turning over on his barbeque spit in Tartarus and very much regretting the fact that he had written THERE IS NO GOD in his last book.

His mother’s favourite expression “Famous Last Words” never rang so true as now.

As soon as Renfield R. Renfield walked through the front door of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion, his friend Amadeus Emanon informed him of a vision that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had had in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises laboratories.

“Michelangelo foresees widespread violence, shootings and stabbings at polling stations across America on U.S. mid-term election day,” Amadeus stated.

“I’m not surprised,” Renfield admitted, “I imagine in future U.S. elections, the UN will have to bring in observers from the Afghan Taliban and militant sectarian groups in Iraq to make sure that future American elections are conducted in a less violent and more peaceful manner.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 3rd
2018.

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Panty Goatee and The Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine

July 11, 2018 at 10:55 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Panty Goatee and The Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine

Belvedere the ghost of the Ghost White Salamander and an amphibian spectral reporter for the Times of London was here in New York City.

He was visiting the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine in New York City.

He was here to interview the ghost of the late Episcopalian Bishop James Albert Pike about being asked by Pope Francis to compose a new version of the Lord’s Prayer (to be renamed the Hermaphrodite Comrade General-Secretary’s Prayer) for a new ecumenical Mass that was being designed by a top secret interfaith committee of Roman Catholics, Lutherans and Anglicans.

Pike’s ghost was currently visiting New York’s Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine where he had served as Dean of the Cathedral for six years from 1952 to 1958 prior to being elected bishop coadjutor of California and then succeeding to the see a few months later after the death of his predecessor.

Maintaining the episcopal arrogance he was noted for when he was alive, Bishop Pike still refused to believe in the existence of Hell despite roasting away on a spit in Tartarus for the past 49 years.

He had been granted a temporary dispensation of absence by Hades the Greek god of the Underworld after a request from Pope Francis that he do so.

Belvedere stood outside the side entrance of the Cathedral when the statue of a gargoyle fell on top of him.

He jumped out of the way forgetting that he was a ghost and could not be killed a second time.

Who did that? Belvedere wondered to himself.

He had talked to the famous London private eyes Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie before leaving London for New York.

They had told him they were on a secret mission for the British government and would be flying to Helsinki next week.

Despite pressing for more details, the pair refused to divulge anymore to the spectral amphibian reporter.

Although they kept ordering more sushi 🍣 for the ninja mask wearing lobster in the small aquarium next to their table in the Japanese restaurant they were dining in.

Magog and Agathor told Belvedere that they had visited St. John The Divine Episcopal Cathedral last summer where they saw Shiva the Hindu god of destruction and transformation walking around.

They weren’t sure whether the Hindu deity was on a mission of destruction or transformation or both.

Belvedere said he would be on the lookout for any signs of Shiva on this occasion.

The ghostly salamander’s thoughts retuned to the broken gargoyle that lay on the sidewalk beside him.

It was then that he saw her- a beautiful blue and white haired and tattooed young woman wearing a sexy skirt, absinthe green coloured corset and super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

The woman lifted her skirt and pulled a butcher’s meat cleaver knife out of her panties and then cut the head off a man who was trying to enter the side door of the Cathedral.

“My God,” shouted a campaign worker for New York 14th Congressional District Democratic Party nominee Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, “that woman outside the door of the Cathedral there just murdered the Mexican Consul-General in New York City.”

The ghost of a New York Shakespearean actor who had been famous in the 19th Century for playing the character of Snout in A Midsummer Night’s Dream shouted, “Beware all opponents of the wall for you are being targeted.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 11th
2018.

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The Feast of The Beast 2018

March 23, 2018 at 10:23 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Feast of The Beast 2018

Desiree was 16 years old.

She obviously did not pay much attention to current Hollywood news.

Because while walking the Hollywood Walk of Fame, a limousine pulled up.

The limousine’s back window rolled down and an older man- a well known Hollywood actor- invited her into the limo for a ride.

If she knew her Hollywood news, she’d have realized that Hollywood was crawling with a lot of perverts.

Later Desiree in her blue mini dress found herself tied to a sacrificial altar beneath a statue of the Baphomet inside the Hollywood actor’s mansion.

“What are you doing?” Desiree shouted.

“I’m sacrificing you to Baphomet,” the actor replied and lowered his knife and slit her throat and did just that.

. . .

“Lexington,” Donald Trump called for his English butler and valet.

“What is it, sir?” Lexington asked.

“A charcoal burnt human hand just crawled across the floor by itself,” Trump said.

“No need to worry, sir,” Lexington went to the closet, “I’ll use a Swiffer Wet Jet to wash the floor.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Trump reflected, “and find out whose hand it is. I’m going to fire that person in a tweet.”

. . .

Two scientists were conducting an evening test at the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Geneva, Switzerland.

One scientist remarked to the other, “That seems to be a very realistic looking statue of Shiva the Transformer by the door.”

“Yes, it is,” the other scientist agreed.

Suddenly there was an explosion 💥 from the tunnel tube.

A huge hole opened up and out walked the multi armed goddess Kali.

She went up and kissed the statue of Shiva.

“I think,” said the scientist to his fellow researcher, “the next time they decide to erect the statue of a god on Collider grounds, they better hire a sculptor who specializes in a more abstract form of sculpture.”

. . .

Prince Vlad Dracula, the Byzantine Vampiress Theodora (who was the Byzantine Empress Theodora the wife of the Emperor Justinian in her mortal life) and the Israeli Mossad agent the Controller of The Golem had just captured a group of Turkish officers who were leading Turkish troops against their allies the Kurds.

“I think we should hand these Turkish officers over to British MP Renfield R. Renfield for interrogation,” said Dracula.

“I agree,” Theodora started wiping the blood off her gown with a towel soaked in Tide laundry detergent.

“Renfield can be quite ruthless in his interrogations,” noted the Controller of The Golem.

Theodora played on her iPhone a recent speech given by Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan in which he called on the 57 member state Organization of The Islamic Conference to unite as one army and destroy the State of Israel 🇮🇱.

“Hand them over to Renfield,” the Controller agreed.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was out deer 🦌 hunting on a country estate just north of Moscow.

Putin stumbled across what he thought was a stag with a very impressive set of antlers.

And in one way it was.

For the stag was actually Cernunnos the horned Celtic god of animals and the underworld.

Cernunnos stood up on its hind legs and with a crossbow it carried in its forearms it fired an arrow which moved with rapid lightning speed.

The arrow struck Putin in the forehead and the Russian leader fell to the ground.

Later at the nearby dacha where Putin was taken, the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was awakened and informed what happened.

“A stag with a rapid firing crossbow did this, you say?” She asked one of Putin’s fellow hunters who nodded, “That was no ordinary stag. That was Cernunnos the horned god of the Celtic pantheon. The arrow was poison tipped and the poison is now in Putin’s bloodstream. I must suck all the blood out and replace it with my own in order for him to live.”

“But how will you live then?” Asked the bodyguard.

“Thank you for your sacrifice for your Motherland and your leader,” Lilith bit him on the neck and drained all his blood which she then spit out and put in a large glass container and put in the freezer for safekeeping.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 23rd
2018.

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In A Cave In Geneva

April 20, 2014 at 6:17 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, Mystery/horror, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

In A Cave In Geneva

The man who had accepted the mysterious figure’s offer on the top of Mount Everest and had then flown around the world in a supersonic jet (owned by a Park Avenue New York City billionaire) after having done so was now standing in a cave in Geneva Switzerland.

He was tied to ropes and was about to descend down a hole to a very deep pit in the bottom of the cave.

Some said the pit was bottomless and went deep down to the very bowels of the Earth itself.

The man with his arms outstretched proceeded to descend.

“Say, did anyone here know that this particular Easter Sunday is Hitler’s 125th birthday?” Somebody in the man’s party asked.

“Quiet you fool,” another man spoke in a very commanding and authoritative voice.

The man with the commanding and authoritative voice was dressed in a red robe with a red hood.

He resembled a medieval monk but was wearing an insignia on the front of his robe that no known monastic order of the Middle Ages wore.

The man dressed as a monk then spoke in ancient Hebrew and Ancient Greek and ancient Latin as the man in the ropes hovered over the bottomless pit.

At that moment, a spectral entity rose up out of the bottomless pit and entered the man’s body.

To some observers at the top, it looked like the entity resembled the figure depicted by classical Hindu statues of Shiva the Destroyer.

To others, the entity resembled the figure depicted by classical statues of the ancient Greco-Roman god Apollo.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 20th
2014.

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