Reblog of Shiva Visits An Episcopalian Cathedral

March 6, 2019 at 11:03 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, Science, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote back in 2017.

It shows the interregnum period between the time Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley served as British Members of Parliament and the time they opened up their own Private Eye office in London.

Dracul Van Helsing

Shiva Visits An Episcopalian Cathedral

Former MPs Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were on a trip to New York City together.

Both men had been defeated in their respective constituencies by candidates for the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party in the recent British general election.

Agathor Christie of the British Conservatives had been defeated in his rural English constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds by British Transhumanist Renfield R. Renfield (the former Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises).

And Magog Rhys Petley of the British Labour Party had been defeated in his rural Welsh constituency of Newbridge by Transhumanist Morgana Fay Lee (who some people claimed was a vampiress and the niece of the Arthurian era sorceress Morgan Le Fay).

Since both men had two things in common- 1) both being defeated by British Transhumanists and 2) Both having an utter loathing for British Prime…

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Atargatis and Van Helsing, Whitstable and Priyanka, Sherrielock Holmes and Maduro

February 23, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )


The northern Syrian mermaid goddess Atargatis in human form

The northern Syrian mermaid goddess Atargatis had shapeshifted into fully human form and was sitting in a luxury hotel suite in a swank New York City hotel in February of 1944.

A huge battle was currently going on between time travellers.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was battling Nazi SS Ahnenerbe officer Franz Kohler up and down the corridors of time and various epochs in history.

Kohler was using the technology of Die Glocke a bell shaped space-going and time travelling Nazi UFO like saucer craft.

Dracul Van Helsing was using the Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr prototype magic lantern film projector to travel back and forth through time.

Also interfering in the time travelling war was the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland being run by scientists who were indulging in far too much use of legalized recreational Canadian cannabis.

Also partaking in the pot inhalation was the Hindu god Shiva (whose statue was outside the CERN tunnel) who as a result was trying to conduct the Swiss National Symphony Orchestra into conducting a personal musical number that the deity was composing tentatively called Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony Meets Freddie Mercury’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

The first negative critic of the piece was Shiva’s wife Kali who was using all ten of her arms to cover her ears and when that didn’t work had fled to an artist’s studio on a quiet Greek island.

Now the conflict between Van Helsing and Kohler had turned to New York City in February 1944 a few months before the June D-Day Invasion of Normandy.

Van Helsing had just managed to evade arrest by Astana Kazakhstan police authorities for an assassination attempt on Russian President Vladimir Putin and the supernatural entity Black Dragon of Beijing.

The vampire hunter did have an alibi in that he was being spanked by and having tantric sex with the vampiress Golgotha (vampiress daughter of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith) at the time.

But the Astana Kazakhstan authorities were the type to torture first and ask questions later.

So Van Helsing pressed the button on his Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr protype magic lantern and found himself in New York City in February 1944.

As a result of Orson Welles one of the inventors of the Magic Lantern (whose prototype was finally completed by Austro-American actress and inventor Hedy Lamarr) loving to direct films in black and white, the world Van Helsing found himself in as he was time travelling was often in black and white.

“So, Mr. Van Helsing,” the human formed goddess Atargatis greeted him as he landed on her Persian rug in her elegant New York City suite, “I suppose you’re here to ask, where have I hidden the Greek sea god Poseidon’s trident?”.

Van Helsing decided to engage in French kissing with the elegant black silk blouse and elegant white skirt wearing northern Syrian goddess instead.

As for the whereabouts of Poseidon’s trident… well that was all Greek to Van Helsing.

. . .


The mermaid Priyanka on the rocks at Vancouver’s English Bay.

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was walking along the beach at Vancouver’s English Bay.

He had spent the past couple of weeks traversing British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula trying to find Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever who had been abducted by the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (the daughter of Fu Manchu) as vengeance for the Canadian arrest at Vancouver International Airport of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.

The pot smoking cactus plant would be freed when Meng Wanzhou was fully freed.

The plant had been hidden in the pot smoke covered hippy village of Calypso’s Bosom (a New Age Aquarian Age equivalent of Scotland’s mystical village of Brigadoon) on the Peninsula that had vanished off the face of the earth back in 1969 when Neil Armstrong said “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for…” and there the transmission had ended when all the hippy commune members’ minds had blown simultaneously and the village had disappeared in a mystical marijuana laced mist of pot smoke.

The village/hippy commune only appeared once every 7 years for a single day and a single night.

Only supernatural entities such as vampiresses, gods and goddesses could access the village in the “meantime and in-between time” as an old Stampede Wrestling ring side announcer might phrase it.

Whitstable had hoped that by carrying the supernatural relic of the right hand middle finger of the last Knights-Templar Grand Master Jacques de Molay (the same middle finger that de Molay had raised towards his papal interrogators and his French Royal Army captors as he was being burnt at the stake on the night of March 18th 1314) in his pocket that he’d be able to locate the elusive village/hippy commune but no such luck.

It would be another few years before the village/hippy commune of Calypso’s Bosom appeared on its own again.

In the meantime Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was pulling his hair out (and might end up having to wear a toupee like his southern neighbour Donald Trump) until his pot smoking prickly little buddy Strawberry Fields Forever was returned to him.

As Whitstable approached the mermaid Priyanka leaning against a rock, he recognized her.

The mermaid might be able to help him with another case he was working on.

The Greek god of the sea Poseidon had recently reported to Interpol that his trident had been stolen.

“Excuse me, Priyanka,” Whitstable greeted the mermaid, “Do you know where Poseidon’s trident is?”.

. . .

World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes was in Caracas Venezuela on a mission for the British government.

British House of Commons Covert Intelligence Committee Co-Chairman Renfield R. Renfield had decided that drastic action must be taken against Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro for Venezuelan Army soldiers gunning down innocent civilians who were trying to bring food and medical supplies across the Venezuelan-Brazilian border.

Sherrielock Holmes was across from Maduro’s Presidential Palace carrying a poison tipped umbrella.

The poison in the umbrella tip would render Maduro permanently impotent.

The only antidote to the “permanently impotent” poison would be a sperm transfusion from Donald Trump.

Something Maduro would be most reluctant to consider.

When Maduro left the palace, Sherrielock KO’d Maduro’s entire bodyguard with karate kicks.

She then injected the umbrella’s poisoned tip into Maduro’s penis.

The Venezuelan President was now permanently (as opposed to 95% of the time) impotent.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 23rd
2019.

Meanwhile in the room next door in the swank New York City hotel in February 1944, the Norse goddess Freya had knocked out Franz Kohler with a bottle of French champagne.

“What a sad waste of French champagne!” Freya thought to herself.

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Pan Goatee’s Twin Sister, Edgar Allan Poe, Robert E. Lee, The Mermaid and The Kraken: A Poem

January 19, 2019 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Literature, love, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


DARPA Contract assassiness Panty Goatee disguised as the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria appearing to Edgar Allan Poe on the day of his death October 7th 1849

‘Twas the night before the Super Wolf Blood Moon
and all through the earth, strange creatures were stirring
and at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland
Shiva and Kali danced the Dance of Death
because of the foolishness of foolish mortals
DARPA and CERN had teamed up to send
Pan Goatee’s genetically cloned twin sister
the beautiful Panty Goatee back in time
to Baltimore Maryland on October 7th 1849
disguised as Poe’s immortal love
the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria

They were sending Panty back as Lenora
On this date of January 19th 2019
on what would have been Poe’s 210th birthday
if he had been still alive or had become an immortal

So as the full moon cast a mysterious looking lunar rainbow
Down upon a cloud as snowflakes fell to Earth
Around the Swiss countryside
And Kali and Shiva danced a frozen version of Swan Lake
as the Greek god Zeus choked on the drumstick of Leda’s
duck a l’orange
and the Chinese moon goddess Chang’e laughed heartedly
while sampling the delicacy of Peking Duck sprinkled
with a little Soma lunar elixir of life
As her snow white jack rabbit hare friend ate carrots
and developed superior night vision.

Why was Panty going back in time as Lenora
to Poe on his death day?
It was a plan conceived by DARPA’S new AI robot
Built by a DARPA employee under the mentorship of Sophia
The Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom
Unbeknownst to both DARPA and CERN however
the AI robot had come up with the idea
after being shortcircuited
when DARPA’s mascot Jefferey the otter
had poured a 40 ounce bottle of bourbon
down the AI’s metallic throat
because Jefferey thought the robot could use a drink.

As such both the drink and the plan
would spell doom to the best laid plans
of CERN and DARPA
Both should have stuck to building better mousetraps
And making plans to celebrate Robbie Burns Day
later this month.

Panty as Lenora approached Poe
The writer looked at her and whispered “My long lost love Lenore”
Then he whispered “Reynolds” as he saw the genetic clone
That the immortal Egyptian scientist Imhotep
had made of the writer and named “Reynolds”
Poe then croaked
and a raven outside the window wept bitter tears
As Poe would say “Lenore” nevermore.

Inside a Rome coffee shop
Abraham Lincoln’s ghost
And the ghost of Gen. Robert E. Lee
celebrated the Confederate General’s 212th birthday today
January 19th 2019
As the Egyptian god Osiris watched
Lincoln raised his cappuccino in a toast,
“Here’s to old enemies becoming friends again”.

And on a marble floor inside the Vatican was a gold ashtray
containing the gold plated figures of a mermaid and a Kraken
who were very much in love
The Kraken told his beloved mermaid,
I want this moment to last forever

His wish came true when King Midas touched them both.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 19th
2019.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of 2018 U.S. Midterm Elections

November 3, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, Science, The Supernatural, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was back in the U.K. again after a brief one day Dia de Los Muertos visit to Mexico City where he videotaped the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec ripping out the live still beating heart of a horny sexually predatory and sexually harassing Google exec (one of many who had recently inspired a spate of Google employee strikes across the world).

Renfield then posted the video on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter where it went viral across the Net.

The video was the one thing Renfield did that met with the approval of the #MeTooMovement.

After watching the video, the unlamented former Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein woke up screaming in the night about having a dream of open heart surgery being performed on him without the use of anesthetic.

Another consequence was that Texas cowboys and gunslingers stopped falling in love with Mexican girls in cantinas out in the West Texas town of El Paso much to singer Marty Robbins’ displeasure.

After the burning of the heart was done in front of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl (who because of his advanced age was starting to prefer his meat cooked well done rather than raw or rare these days), the Aztec deity (who was worshipped as Kukulkan by the Mayans) after eating the heart proceeded to sit down on a sofa with a bottle of tequila (containing inside it a worm in front of a biodegradable cardboard tombstone that had for an epitaph POE’S THE CONQUEROR WORM Conquered) in front of a television set and watched Orson Welles’ last film The Other Side of The Wind on Netflix.

Outside his Mexico City penthouse apartment, the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith performed one huge storm of a whirlwind as the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) the head of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change gave a speech on climate change in the city.

Meanwhile back in Qonzilqointec’s penthouse suite on the other side of the street, the Aztec vampiress made out with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing engaging in BDSM foreplay and mystical magic tantric sex afterwards.

Renfield flew back to Britain from Mexico listening to the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper and Magical Mystery Tour albums on his airplane headphones while eating a nice dinner of curried lamb and curried goats’ legs on Manitoba wild rice.

Back at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland, the Hindu destroyer and transformer god Shiva was trying to make a curried dinner out of hubris ridden CERN scientists who had just uncovered a “ghost particle” that was about to upset the equilibrium balance of the entire cosmos.

A result of all this was that scientist Stephen Hawking was turning over on his barbeque spit in Tartarus and very much regretting the fact that he had written THERE IS NO GOD in his last book.

His mother’s favourite expression “Famous Last Words” never rang so true as now.

As soon as Renfield R. Renfield walked through the front door of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion, his friend Amadeus Emanon informed him of a vision that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had had in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises laboratories.

“Michelangelo foresees widespread violence, shootings and stabbings at polling stations across America on U.S. mid-term election day,” Amadeus stated.

“I’m not surprised,” Renfield admitted, “I imagine in future U.S. elections, the UN will have to bring in observers from the Afghan Taliban and militant sectarian groups in Iraq to make sure that future American elections are conducted in a less violent and more peaceful manner.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 3rd
2018.

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The Welsh Vampiress Morgana Encounters Dracul In A London Cemetery

July 29, 2018 at 10:43 pm (Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, painting, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana Encounters Dracul In A London Cemetery

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a London cemetery.

The British Transhumanist MP for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 was trying to track down the location of the Ring of Solomon in Israel on behalf of the British government and Set Enterprises.

The Ring of Solomon was the ring that Israel’s King Solomon used to control both demons and djinn 🧞‍♀️ 🧞‍♂️ to help him build a Temple to God in Jerusalem.

It had been found in Jerusalem back on December 11th 1917 when British General Edmund Allenby captured the city from the Ottoman Turks.

Allenby had ordered the ring hidden.

He had the location of the ring hidden in code in an oil painting that Allenby had commissioned be painted of his good friend the late Sir Simon Baskerville after the British spymaster’s assassination by Intelligence agents of the German Kaiser.

The oil painting had stood in plain view in the abandoned halls of Baskerville Hall until this past Saturday.

Baskerville Hall was currently owned by London art gallery dealer Dashwood Forrest.

Morgana had got her good friend the maker of Britain’s best frozen steak and kidney pie dinners millionaire Sir Rodney Fahrenham to purchase the painting from Forrest.

Forrest had gone to the Baskerville Hall estate in Devon yesterday to pick up the painting of Sir Simon Baskerville.

And there in the empty frame where the portrait had been- stood- Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal- the vampiress who along with the Vampiric Knights-Templar had been secretly controlling the Vatican since October 13th of last year.

Allatallahbel had flashed a wicked vampiress smile – bearing her vampiric incisors at the Oscar Wilde admiring flamboyant London art gallery dealer.

An astral projected image of a talking otter (who was vigorously holding a bottle of bourbon in one of his flippers) that was being astral projected by DARPA headquarters in the U.S. urged Dashwood to “Run, Forrest, run.”

The talking otter need say no more (and indeed he didn’t- for he immediately started drinking from the bottle of bourbon).

Forrest ran as fast as his legs could carry him.

While the halls of Baskerville Hall rang out with the sinister vampiress laughter of Allatallahbel.

Beneath the great majestic staircase of Baskerville Hall, The Vampiric Knights-Templar stood like choir boys and sang,

“Deck the halls with laughs of vampiress- fang-la-la-la-la…”

Morgana had contacted Dracul Van Helsing for advice on how to get the portrait painting of Sir Simon Baskerville back from Allatallahbel and the Vampiric Knights-Templar.

Dracul Van Helsing approached the Welsh Vampiress Morgana.

He was stark naked.

For he had been drinking bottles of Coca-Cola all afternoon and was quite over caffeinated.

As such, he had forgot to put any clothes on.

Furious, Morgana ordered Dracul to lie across her skirted and silk pantyhose lap as she sat on a gravestone and then pulled out a large wooden hairbrush that she used to give the vampire hunter a spanking he’d never forget.

When she had finished, Dracul mounted Morgana and made wild passionate love to her.

The Hindu god Shiva had been walking by the cemetery with his wife Kali at the time.

Both deities were in London attending the grand opening of London’s latest world class curry 🍛 restaurant serving the best Indian food outside India.

As Dracul and Morgana both came, Shiva remarked to Kali, “That’s the greatest explosion 💥 I’ve seen since Dr. J. Robert Oppenheimer detonated the first atomic bomb at the Trinity test in New Mexico on July 16th 1945 and quoted the Bhagavad Gita, “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” “

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 29th
2018.

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Shiva Visits An Episcopalian Cathedral

July 13, 2017 at 5:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Shiva Visits An Episcopalian Cathedral

Former MPs Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were on a trip to New York City together.

Both men had been defeated in their respective constituencies by candidates for the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party in the recent British general election.

Agathor Christie of the British Conservatives had been defeated in his rural English constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds by British Transhumanist Renfield R. Renfield (the former Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises).

And Magog Rhys Petley of the British Labour Party had been defeated in his rural Welsh constituency of Newbridge by Transhumanist Morgana Fay Lee (who some people claimed was a vampiress and the niece of the Arthurian era sorceress Morgan Le Fay).

Since both men had two things in common- 1) both being defeated by British Transhumanists and 2) Both having an utter loathing for British Prime Minister Theresa May for calling a snap general election, the two men decided to go on a trip together to drown their respective sorrows.

Britain’s Sun tabloid newspaper had reported on the trip with the headline ELECTORAL DEFEAT MAKES STRANGE BEDFELLOWS.

Today Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were visiting the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine in New York City which was the largest Anglican Cathedral in the world.

As they stood there looking up at the Rose Window, a strange looking fellow walked by.

“Say,” Magog nudged Agathor, “isn’t that the Hindu god Shiva?”.

“I believe it is,” Agathor put on his glasses and peered at the deity known as “The Destroyer” and “The Transformer” within the Hindu religion.

“What’s he doing in an Episcopal Cathedral?” Magog asked.

“Perhaps he’s becoming an Episcopalian,” Agathor replied.

“Shiva becoming an Episcopalian?” Magog was incredulous.

“Yes,” Agathor nodded.

“Gods don’t become Episcopalian,” retorted the atheistic Magog.

“They don’t become Catholic either,” Agathor reflected, “since Pope Francis says that there’s no Catholic god.”

. . .

Outside the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, officials reported that the large statue of Shiva the Destroyer outside the Collider tunnel had come to life and disappeared.

. . .

Set Enterprises’ resident chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was reading an article on how a Harvard University scientific research team had used the Crispr genome editing tool to insert a gif (five frames of a horse galloping) into the DNA of bacteria.

The gif was the image of a human hand and 5 frames of the horse Annie G captured in the late 19th Century by British pioneer photographer Eadweard Muybridge.

“Wow, inserting an image into DNA to allow it to pass down through generations,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher hit his head, “why didn’t I think of that before?”.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher decided to try this for himself.

For his image, he used a 5 minute YouTube video clip of the meeting between Russian President Vladimir Putin and U.S. President Donald Trump at last week’s G-20 summit in Hamburg Germany.

The clip not shown on any of the Fake News networks across the world showed the demon Asmodeus standing immediately behind the sitting Putin and sitting Trump and playing on his harmonica the musical melody to Lara’s Theme from the movie Doctor Zhivago.

Being the genius that Dr. Cadbury Rocher was, he was able to, in 5 minutes, insert the YouTube video into the DNA of bacteria what it took 5 days for the Harvard research team to do on their 5 frame gif.

He then put the bacteria in a sealed test tube and left it in the lab.

The Norse trickster god Loki, who had been hiding under a desk seeing what Dr. Cadbury Rocher was up to, decided to take the sealed test tube of bacteria and immediately teleported himself to the Western Wall on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

When he landed, he knocked over a tourist the Nibiruan ET gray Gali-Gula who was standing there taking pictures with his advanced extraterrestrial camera around his neck.

Loki then placed the sealed test tube of bacteria into one of the cracks in the Western Wall where people normally place prayer notes.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 13th
2017.

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