Renfield and Amadeus Discuss The Singapore Summit
Renfield and Amadeus Discuss The Singapore Summit
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having lunch with his close friend Amadeus Emanon the personal concert pianist to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
Renfield was having half a dozen tuna fish sandwiches and Amadeus was enjoying a 12-course Chinese combination dinner from Lydo’s Chinese Food.
He liked the catchy jingle on their commercials, “426-5050, if you’re hungry 😋, call the Lydo now. Freeee delivereee!”.
And then the sexy Chinese vampiress Meiling Manchu at the end of the commercial, “Don’t forget to dial the local area code first before the number.”
She then smiled before biting into a sumptuous egg roll with her vampiric incisor fangs.
Meiling Manchu hides her vampiric incisor fangs with her arm.
“So, what did you think of the Singapore Summit meeting between Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un?” Amadeus asked as he bit into a sweet and sour sparerib and wondered why Porky 🐷 Pig had a spare rib but Adam in the Garden of Eden didn’t.
“Kim Jong-un came out on top,” Renfield spoke as if he was giving an English language voice over to a Japanese porno film.
“You really think so?” Amadeus started to dig into the beef chop suey with his chop sticks.
“I do,” Renfield belched over his 2nd glass of bourbon 🥃 .
“What makes you think so?” Amadeus polished off the Chicken Fried Rice and moved in on the Egg Foo Yong.
“All Kim Jong-un did was just promise to give up his nuclear weapons,” Renfield inhaled a piece of tuna as if it were crack cocaine, “and you know what the singers Simon and Garfunkel said about promises in their song The Boxer?”.
“All lies and jest, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest,” Amadeus laid aside the pamphlet entitled Overeating Is The Primary Cause of Obesity.
“Exactly,” Renfield poured two more glasses of bourbon 🥃 for himself, “while Trump has gone and openly cancelled the military war games that the U.S. holds with South Korea each year which so pissed off the North, Kim has given very little in return. So it’s a win-win situation for Kim while it’s a Tweet and Brag situation for Trump.”
“What transpired at the summit that led to this?” Amadeus ate a bowl of lychee nuts for dessert.
“Well my spies in Singapore tell me that a beautiful North Korean woman was called upon to make a major sacrifice for her country and give the pompous toupee wearing blowhard Trump a blow job in order that he’d agree to Kim Jong-un’s demands,” Renfield replied.
“How awful,” Amadeus Emanon blew his nose sympathetically for the poor woman.
Meanwhile in his laboratory aquarium at Set Enterprises, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of two classical Roman style busts on display in the British Museum in the near future.
One was a bust of Julius Caesar that bore the inscription, “I came, I saw, I conquered.”
The other was a bust of Donald Trump that said, “I saw, I came, I capitulated.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 12th
2018.
How To Bring Global Leaders To Their Knees
How To Bring Global Leaders To Their Knees
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in front of the television flipping through the news channels with his remote.
On one channel,
“The White House still has not said anything about Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani’s remark at a conference in Israel which was that North Korean leader Kim Jong-un got down on his hands and knees and begged for Donald Trump to declare the Singapore Summit on again…”
Renfield switched to another channel,
“A Japanese porn star 🌟 said that Donald Trump got down on his hands and knees in front of her and begged her to give him a blow job…”
“I don’t have to beg,” Renfield remarked wryly as he drank his rye, “and they pay me the $130,000 afterwards.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday June 7th
2018.
Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un Singapore Summit Is On Again
Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un Singapore Summit Is On Again
U.S. President Donald Trump had announced that the Singapore 🇸🇬 Summit with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was on again.
In the background as the oranged hair leader made the announcement, his British butler and valet Lexington stood reading a copy of Robert Louis Stevenson’s book The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Trump told the assembled press that the North Korean envoy General Kim Yong-chol had hand delivered a letter from North Korean leader Kim Jong-un when the envoy met Trump at the White House.
Mr. Trump told the press that the letter was very interesting but later told them that he had not yet opened it.
Lexington (who could occasionally see dead people) noticed the ghost of Sigmund Freud (recently granted release from Purgatory by permission of Hades and Persephone) standing behind Trump writing ✍️ vigorously with his ghostly pen on ghostly notepaper.
Freud kept shaking his head and saying “Oy vey!” every time Trump opened his mouth.
Meanwhile at the Vatican, Pope Francis was busy discussing theories of the Collective Unconscious with Swiss Psychoanalyst Carl Jung (whose ghost had likewise been granted a reprieve from Purgatory by the Underworld’s royal ruling couple) and the Noosphere with the ghost of French Jesuit Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (who even more surprisingly had been granted a reprieve from the very depths of Tartarus itself).
“Isn’t Tartarus a bit like Hell in Jesus of Nazareth’s primitive mythology that He espoused to His Apostles?” Pope Francis asked the charcoal burnt Jesuit priest and paleontologist over a cup of Orange Pekoe tea ☕️.
Meanwhile Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster at Set Enterprises laboratories in London had telepathically entered the dreams of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un as he slept at his palace in Pyongyang.
Kim Jong-un was dreaming that he was dressed in drag as a female K-Pop princess and was singing 🎤 a song to Donald Trump.
He was singing those Katy Perry lyrics,
“ ‘Cause you’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up then you’re down
You’re wrong when it’s right
It’s black and it’s white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up…”
Michelangelo woke up screeching in his aquarium at the sight of Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump kissing.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 1st
2018.
Kwan Yin and Kim and Moon and The Surprise “Hollywood” Style Summit
Kwan Yin and Kim and Moon and the Surprise “Hollywood” Style Summit
After Donald Trump threw a temper tantrum and pulled red spider monkeys out of his hair and cancelled the June 12th Singapore Peace Summit in an announcement this past Thursday May 24th, Kwan Yin the Asian Buddhist goddess of mercy had asked Thoth the Egyptian god of wisdom, the moon and magic along with his immortal formerly mortal companion Serena the Time Traveler to go to the Underworld realm of Hades and ask the entity Hades (known to the Romans as Pluto) to release the ghost of the great film director Orson Welles from Purgatory.
In the past, Hades normally had to consult with the earthly Pope of Rome before he could do such things but since the current Pope Francis no longer believed in Purgatory (or even Hell for that matter), he was able to immediately accede to Kwan Yin’s request.
The ghost of Orson Welles left Hades saying, “Paul Masson will sell no wine 🍷 before its time but Hades will release my ghost before my time.”
Thoth and Serena escorted Welles to the DMZ (demilitarized zone) on the Korean Peninsula where Kwan Yin gave Welles a deadline of 48 hours to arrange a surprise “Hollywood” style summit between North Korean leader Kim Jong-un and South Korean President Moon Jae-in.
Welles never followed deadlines much in his mortal life (which is why most American film studios in Hollywood became reluctant to work with him) but what he had failed to do in life, he achieved in death.
The surprise summit happened today Saturday May 26th 2018.
Also present at the surprise summit were Kwan Yin herself as well as the Chinese Communist vampiress Meiling Manchu (who had recently broken with Chinese President Xi Jinping on the grounds he had become a Mao like cult leader and total totalitarian despot) and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.
Kim and Moon agreed to carry on talks for a planned Singapore Peace Summit between Trump and Kim on June 12th.
Meiling and Qonzilqointec were to go to the White House in Washington DC and hold down the Trumpster while the immortal London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes tomatoed the toupee wearing blowhard’s buttocks with her whip until he agreed to go to the summit as planned.
When Moon and Kim finished their meeting, Orson Welles asked Kwan Yin if it would not be possible for his ghost to remain out of Hades for a while so he could visit London, England 🏴 of which he had fond memories.
Kwan Yin, Thoth and Serena then text messaged Hades on their Divine Celestial Samsung Galaxy 6 Billion Model Smart Phones and put in a special request for the successful director of the surprise “Hollywood” style summit in the Korean Peninsula’s demilitarized zone to spend some more time out of the realm of Hades.
Hades agreed.
He had no objections.
Especially since Welles was consuming most of the wine 🍷 available in the Underworld to the dismay of other clients and patrons.
Kwan Yin the Buddhist Goddess of Mercy
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 26th
2018.
Dracul Van Helsing 
You must be logged in to post a comment.