Renfield’s Analysis of China’s Rise and America’s Decline While Pan Goatee Slays More Repulsively Ugly Women

December 14, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Apple CEO Tim Cook was in a coma after having eaten a poisoned apple delivered to him by British MP Renfield R. Renfield and Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh as an early Christmas present sent by the Chinese government.

Apple Ltd. had sent for the Prince at Disneyland’s Snow White exhibit to come and kiss the gay Apple CEO on the lips in hopes that this would rouse him from his poisoned apple induced sleep.

However thanks to frothing at the mouth foaming and raving feminist blowhards, a Prince was no longer part of the Disneyland Snow White exhibit since being kissed on the lips by a man was obviously a denial of her female empowerment.

Just like the Seven Dwarves were no longer called the Seven Dwarves (since such a term was insultingly offensive to vertically challenged people in these politically correct times).

They were now called the Seven Stewards of The Forest (to show Disneyland was in tune with the environmentalist agenda).

So Tim Cook had been hoisted by his own petard- the ideology of political correctness that he and his fellow high-tech global conglomerate CEOs sought to inflict on the world.

Renfield had returned to Britain.

He was due to give an interview in person to BBC television.

But once again the London trolley bus he was riding was stuck behind some stupid motorist who had ignored all the flashing lights, warning and stop signs and had become embedded in a motor vehicle trap on the single lane one way street that was meant for buses only.

By chance someone had a plastic container jug of petrol (that’s gasoline for all you Americans out there) on the bus and a woman happened to have a cigarette lighter so Renfield used both items to pull a Raymond Red Reddington (a la Blacklist) and poured gasoline all over the head of the bozo motorist and his equally bozo passengers and then set fire to the empty minded bodily appendanges all the while singing “Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno” from Saturday Night Fever.

He finally reached BBC studios.

He was asked to respond to Canadian media commentators who were saying that China would probably release the two detained Canadians detained by China on “charges of spying” that occurred right after the arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou in Vancouver British Columbia at the behest of the U.S. government.

“Canadian media commentators have no clue as to what they’re talking about,” was Renfield’s response.

“But they point out that Chinese government officials have not linked the sudden detention of the two Canadians to Miss Meng’s arrest which gives one hope that they’ll be released,” said the BBC interviewer.

“The reason why Chinese officials have not publicly linked the arrest of the two Canadians to Miss Meng’s arrest is because unlike most politicians and government officials in the Western world, the Chinese actually have brains,” Renfield remarked as he used chopsticks to eat his tuna fish sandwiches, “they do not have a Donald Trump who moronically tweets state intelligence, defense and foreign policy secrets in his public Twitter account 24 hours a day. Nor do they have an Emmanuel Macron who is the 8th intellectual dwarf of the modern world (or the 8th intellectual steward of the forest as Disneyland and the IQ challenged administrators of the Calgary Zoo Winter Wonderland Snow White Themed Fairy Tale For 2018 Exhibit might put it). Or a Theresa May who has managed to turn a Brexit deal into the worst of all possible worlds for both British EU inners and outters alike and the total awestruck speechlessness of the ghosts of both Leibniz and Voltaire.”

“But U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo today stood shoulder to shoulder with Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland and demanded the release of the two Canadian detainees or else,” the BBC interviewer quipped.

“And I’m sure China’s supreme leader Xi Jinping is really quaking in his Ming Dynasty glass slippers at that earthshaking pronouncement,” Renfield opened his fortune cookie which bore the fortune, GREAT DEALS ON REDECORATING 10 DOWNING STREET WHEN YOU MOVE IN, “America is a country on its way down. That’s why they elected as President Donald Trump a man who has all the characteristics of the insane Roman Emperor Caligula. And the candidate who ran against him was one Hillary Clinton a woman who has all the characteristics of the violin playing Emperor Nero’s mommie dearest Agrippina Minor with all her shrewishness and inherent insanity thereof. America is on the way down. China is a country on the way up. As the ghost of the Emperor Napoleon I Bonaparte said to me the other day as I was polishing an apple, “The sleeping dragon has awakened.”

. . .

Pan Goatee immediately cut off the head of the ugly looking female high school student as she boarded the transit bus.

“Aesthetic beauty Akbar,” Pan Goatee shouted in an obvious plagiarism of a militant Islamist terrorist’s phrase.

Later when he walked to a McDonald’s restaurant to buy their $1 coffee special (while the Church Advent fasting season was still on), he encountered a fat ugly blimp female high school student with her father.

“Aesthetic beauty Akbar,” Goatee once again plagiarized the militant Islamist terrorist’s favourite phrase as he beheaded the fat ugly blimp.

“Death to morons who fuck fat ugly blimps and produce similar looking female progeny,” Goatee beheaded the Badyear Blimp’s father.

After drinking coffee at McDonald’s, he went to a grocery store where a thin ugly anorexic skeletal female was leaving the store with her IQ challenged boyfriend.

“Aesthetic beauty Akbar,” Goatee shouted as he beheaded the creature and engaged in his third strike designed to piss off a militant Islamist terrorist umpire.

“And death to the morons who fuck them,” Goatee sounded like he was auditioning for a Martin Scorsese remake of an old Film Noir movie as he beheaded the IQ challenged boyfriend.

Later when he was leaving the grocery store with bottles of Coca-Cola, he encountered another thin ugly anorexic skeletal female and her low IQ boyfriend.

“Aesthetic beauty Akbar!” Goatee shouted as he beheaded the Weight Watchers’ after picture from Hell moments before getting a text message from ISIS Islamic State’s lawyer saying he was being sued for Copyright violations.

Goatee then beheaded the ugly creature’s low IQ boyfriend while shouting, “And death to the morons who fuck them!” in a line surely designed to land him an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor at the Academy Awards.

. . .

The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora was in Kiev Ukraine where tomorrow the Unification Council of the Autocephalous Ukrainian Orthodox Church of Kiev would be held to elect a Primate for the Church.

The Council would be held at Saint Sophie’s Church Cathedral in Kiev.

Theodora was contemplating the warning of Vasilij Gritsak the head of the SBU (Security Service of Ukraine) that the ecclesiastical conflict between Constantinople and Moscow in Ukraine would lead to the outbreak of war and a Vladimir Putin ordered Russian Armed Forces full scale military invasion of Ukraine.

Theodora would side with the Ukrainians against Putin.

For Theodora had offered to make Putin the new restored Byzantine Emperor with his capital at Constantinople.

But Putin had turned her down.

Choosing instead to form an alliance with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan (the future Sultan and Caliph of a revised Ottoman Empire) and Iran against the State of Israel.

Ironically enough, Israel was being supported by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman who was being advised by the ghosts of Soviet dictator Josef Stalin and the bloody murderous Scottish queen Lady MacBeth as well as the demon Baphomet (who was the patron demon of Sodom and Gomorrah) and the Egyptian god Osiris to rebuild Solomon’s Temple in Jerusalem.


The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora on a moonlit night in Kiev.

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The Ariana Grande Concert Tickets: To Bill’s Or Not To Bill’s?

September 2, 2018 at 11:53 pm (Commentary, Culture, Fashion, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Music, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Ariana Grande Concert Tickets: To Bill’s Or Not To Bill’s?

Former U. S. President Bill Clinton saw the hostile look on Hillary’s face.

Oh God, what had he done now?

At that moment, Bill wished he had a wash cloth to wipe the stain off his blue trousers.

“I was going through the desk drawer when I noticed these tickets to an Ariana Grande concert,” Hillary seethed, “did you buy them?”.

“Oh, they may have been a gift from somebody,” Bill put his finger on his nose, “I didn’t know what they were.”

“Oh really?” Hillary smirked sarcastically, “I noticed you couldn’t keep your eyes off Ariana Grande’s short skirted ass when she sang (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman at Aretha Franklin’s funeral this past Friday.”

Bill was thinking to himself that Bishop Charles H. Ellis III was certainly feeling himself a natural woman that day and envied the pastor.

The former President’s thoughts returned to the screeching voice that seemed to be unnatural to this world.

He quickly put the Taco Bell burrito 🌯 he had been eating back in his pocket.

“Well, what about it?” Hillary’s voice sounded like fingernails scraping on a blackboard, “The whole world noticed how you were ogling Ariana Grande’s skirted ass at Aretha’s funeral.”

“I did not have my eyes ogling at that woman’s skirted ass,” Bill protested, “I was just enjoying her performance.”

“Oh, is that what you call it?” Hillary smirked again,” “I was watching you . I noticed you couldn’t keep your eyes off her ass the whole time.”

“You make me sound like that rising new British MP Renfield R. Renfield,” Bill protested, “Most unfair is that comparison.

Renfield would most undoubtedly agree.

“And what about the date on these Ariana Grande concert tickets?” Hillary asked, “I noticed they’re for the same night that you said you couldn’t accompany me to the Illuminati Deep State Conspirators’ Club dinner meeting. You told me something else had come up. Is this what came up?”.

Hillary waved the concert tickets at him.

“Of course not,” Bill felt his nose again.

“What was it you had to attend that night then?” Hillary asked.

“I can’t remember,” Bill answered.

“You can’t remember?” Hillary chortled like an owl in a hurricane, “and what about having your eyes on Ariana’s ass the whole time she was singing last Friday?”.

“That’s not true,” Bill protested, “at one point, I exchanged words with Rev. Jesse Jackson.”

“I imagine you two were probably exchanging lustful fantasies with one another,” Hillary seethed.

“That’s not true,” Bill felt his nose again.

Meanwhile at Rev. Jesse Jackson’s house, the good minister was trying to explain to his wife the tickets to the Ariana Grande concert she had just found in his coat pocket (coincidentally for the same night as the date on the concert tickets that Hillary had found).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 2nd
2018.


What would probably have been Bill and Jesse’s favourite view if they had attended the Ariana Grande concert.
And if the night had turned out the way Jesse wanted, would Bill have spent the rest of the evening singing that old 1980s Rick Springfield song, “I wish that I had Jessie’s girl…”?

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Westminster Terror Attack, Global Nuclear War and Most Livable Cities

August 14, 2018 at 10:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Westminster Terror Attack, Global Nuclear War and Most Livable Cities

CNN’s Anderson Cooper (speaking directly into the camera): Meanwhile a high ranking police source in London has told CNN News that the suspect arrested in today’s terrorist motor vehicle attack running down cyclists near the Westminster Parliament in the British capital has specifically requested that British MP Renfield R. Renfield not be allowed to interrogate him.
The suspect is said to be extremely terrified at the prospect of a Renfieldian interrogation and had put in a special request to the Prime Minister’s office that Sir Renfield not be allowed to interrogate him.
The same police source told CNN News that “some bleeding heart liberal in the Prime Minister’s office acceded to the suspect’s request.”
Sir Renfield R. Renfield MP has apparently cemented a reputation in the world of criminals, terrorists and drug dealers as being utterly ruthless in his interrogations of and even slow and painfully administered deaths of the individuals who inhabit the dark underbelly and shadowlands of the world global community.

. . .

Rosalynn Carter looked at her husband former U.S. President Jimmy Carter who looked ashen white when he put down his smart phone.

“Who was that who was calling, dear?” Rosalynn asked.

“I’d rather not say just yet,” Carter gulped, “I’m still having trouble accepting the gist of the conversation. I can’t believe that even someone like him would even ask such a question and even contemplate 🤔 such an action.”

“What was the question he asked?” Rosalynn wanted to know.

“He asked me whether I thought it was possible in all sincerity and honesty for the United States to win a global thermonuclear war and emerge both relatively intact and supremely triumphant,” Jimmy answered, “I tried telling him that it wasn’t but he didn’t seem convinced.”

Carter looked at the TV screen in their living room where Donald Trump’s smiling image appeared waving to supporters and giving the thumbs up.

. . .

“So,” Amadeus Emanon munched on potato chips, “I hear that the Economist Magazine Intelligence Unit has just come out with its list of the world’s Top 10 most livable cities.”

“Yes, I read that. Apparently the city of Calgary made #4 on the list of the Top 10,” Renfield was reading a magazine article about bloated cows 🐄, “a friend of mine who lives in Calgary said that Calgary might have made #1 on the list if there weren’t so many fat ugly blimps living in the city. The sight of such repulsive looking creatures, he tells me, succeeds in putting an immense damper on what is otherwise a magnificently beautiful city.”

“That’s very sad,” Amadeus reached for a glass of coconut 🥥 milk 🥛.

“It is,” Renfield put aside his slice of cheese after reading the article on bloated cows 🐄, “maybe if Pan Goatee increases his pace by quite a lot, Calgary might win the #1 spot next year.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 14th
2018.

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Wedding Crashers and The Third Temple

July 19, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Wedding Crashers and The Third Temple

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was staying in an old English country inn on the hunt for two demonically possessed dogs who were busy terrorizing the English countryside.

He received a phone call from an Interpol operative in Israel 🇮🇱 who had an unusual matter of a paranormal nature to report.

He had seen a wedding being performed on top of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

The officiating clergyman at the wedding was recently installed Vatican Cardinal Samhain Salaman (a former professional stage magician).

The groom was Baphomet (the hermaphrodite half-human half-goat entity who was worshiped by some Knights-Templar back in the Middle Ages).

The bride was Panty Goatee the recently genetically cloned twin sister of world famous DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee.

Panty was topless at the wedding but wearing a black scarf around her shoulders that covered both her breasts as well as black leather gloves on her arms and a long red skirt instead of a white wedding dress.

On her head instead of a white bridal veil, she wore a pair of large painted black goat’s horns.

The virginal young clone Panty Goatee had been ordered to marry the Baphomet by Dr. Faustus Imhotep her boss at DARPA.

At the moment when Cardinal Samhain Salaman asked Panty Goatee, “Do you take this hermaphrodite half-man half-goat to be your legal wedded spouse from this night forward…?”.

At that moment a Black Jaguar leapt on the Temple Mount interrupting the ceremony by snarling in a form of ancient Mayan.

Cardinal Salaman felt under his cassock and pulled out a smart phone (much to best man Dr. Faustus Imhotep’s relief).

He then googled for an ancient Mayan language translation app to download but, by then, it was too late.

The Black Jaguar stood up on his hind legs and then grabbed the black scarf, black leather gloves and long red skirt wearing Panty Goatee with his front legs and then carried her off into the night of the Jerusalem dusk.

A shooting star 🌠 fell from the sky over Jerusalem.

. . .

Former U.S. President Bill Clinton was having trouble sleeping.

He decided to go downstairs to the refrigerator and pour himself a glass of milk 🥛.

As he tip toed down the stairs, he noticed his wife Hillary Rodham Clinton (the 2016 Democratic Party Presidential candidate) standing in the dimly lit living room by a black coloured burning candle and dressed in the robes of a Haitian voodoo high priestess. A group of 13 men in gray and black coloured suits, ties and jackets were kneeling on the floor in front of her paying her obeisance.

Bill very stealthily tip toed into the kitchen, quietly opened the refrigerator door and instead of a glass of milk he grabbed himself a can of Budweiser beer and equally stealthily tip toed back upstairs and into his bedroom where he quietly closed the door.

As quietly as possible, he tried to open the can, then put the beer to his lips and wondered what the Hell was going on?

. . .

Amadeus Emanon heard the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s antique phone ring in the kitchen of the colossal West London mansion.

He picked it up.

It was his good friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield calling.

Renfield was still up in Oxford.

“I’ll be in Oxford a few more days,” Renfield said as he splashed around in a hot tub with several hot looking young female Oxford summer student coeds.

“Say, I was going to ask you, why the Hell do you suppose Donald Trump invited Vladimir Putin to Washington DC this fall?” Amadeus queried.

“Well,” Renfield smiled as one of the coeds licked his kosher sausage, “the man is either fully clinically insane or if there’s method to his madness, the Jared Kushner Middle East peace plan is definitely a go and Trump would most definitely need Vladimir Putin’s backing for the plan to go ahead.”

Amadeus watched on the kitchen television as Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu officially declared Israel “the nation-state of the Jewish people” after winning a vote to do so in the Israeli Knesset.

“What do you think is going to happen next in the Middle East?” Amadeus asked.

“Well,” Renfield watched the Netanyahu announcement on the BBC News App on the Samsung Galaxy S8 smart phone located in the bikini between one coed’s two breasts, “we’ve got the U.S. Embassy now in Jerusalem, we have just had Netanyahu proclaim Israel the Nation-State (it was just State before) of the Jewish people and next on the agenda I suspect is the building of the Third Jewish Temple on the Temple Mount.”

“But won’t the Arabs object to that?” Amadeus was incredulous.

“Not necessarily,” Renfield remarked as a text message from Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman came in on his smart phone.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 19th
2018.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of Moscow and Putin In The Future

March 11, 2018 at 10:31 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Vision of Moscow and Putin In The Future

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was asleep 💤 in his lobster tank at the Set Enterprises laboratories when suddenly his lobster antennae picked up a vision of Moscow and Vladimir Putin from the near future.

The re-elected Russian 🇷🇺 President had been given an invitation to an opening of a new exclusive men’s hairstyling salon 💇‍♂️ in Moscow where the hairstylists were all breathtakingly beautiful and young topless and short skirted Russian women.

Although the Russian President was quite bald and chose not to wear an orangish coloured red spider monkey fur toupee (unlike some world leaders), he decided to take advantage of the free haircut and shave.

He could always use a scalp massage and a shave.

Putin was given a thoroughly pleasing scalp massage by the young attractive female hairstylist who did a lot of bending over as she went to get more water from the sink and more hair massage cream from the lower drawers.

“Moscow always has such lovely views this time of year,” Putin remarked to the young blonde hairstylist.

“Indeed it does,” she smiled and winked at him, “Are you ready for your hot towel shave?”.

“Yes,” Putin smiled.

She then put the steaming hot towel on his face.

“Oh God, it burns, it burns!” Putin screamed.

Putin scrambled off the chair and on to the floor still screaming, “It burns. It burns.”

“I imagine it does,” a grinning Renfield R. Renfield MP from Britain’s Westminster Parliament stood in front of him.

Renfield was dressed in a James Bond style white tuxedo suit and sipping a martini 🍸- shaken not stirred.

“All these hairstylists are paid operatives for MI-6,” Renfield lit a cigarette with a gold cigarette lighter.

Amadeus came into the salon carrying a toy piano 🎹 and sat down at the piano and played the song As Time Goes By.

“You’re probably wondering to yourself,” Renfield blew cigarette smoke in Bogart style fashion into the air, “Why of all the hairstyling salons in all the world did that nasty Brit Renfield R. Renfield have to walk into this one?”.

“It burns, it burns,” Putin seemed to be singing a Russian Orthodox style litany of pain on the spot.

“Like I said this hairstyling salon is actually an MI-6 operation,” Renfield smiled, “and that burning sensation you’re still feeling from the steaming hot towel is probably caused by a smattering of VX nerve agent on the towel- the same substance that killed Kim Jong-nam (the half-brother of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un) when two women attacked his face with towels at Kuala Lumpur International Airport on February 13th last year. But don’t worry the amount put on your towel isn’t enough to kill you. Just enough to give you the most delectable amount of pain until you do face your death.”

“How am I to die?” Asked Putin.

The topless short skirted hairstylists had meanwhile grabbed Putin and took off all his clothes and then forced him into a kneeling position with his bum stuck up in the air.

“Allow me to introduce you to Mr. Harvey Weinstein,” Renfield introduced the disgraced Hollywood producer who likewise was in the all together save for the pair of glasses 👓 he was wearing, “Mr. Weinstein was recently given a serum invented by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher. This serum turned him gay.”

A look of realization and horror entered Putin’s eyes.

“Well there you go, Harvey,” Renfield pointed to the Russian leader’s most inviting derrière, “go to it.”

Weinstein mounted Putin while Amadeus played the song Home On The Range on the piano followed by the theme music to the film Brokeback Mountain.

“Mr. Weinstein’s phallus has been laced with the same nerve agent used in the attack on Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia in Salisbury,” Renfield explained, “though somewhat modified by Dr. Cadbury Rocher. Mr. Weinstein’s phallus is not harmed by the substance that it is carrying. However the same cannot be said for your rear end. You shall die a most unique and excruciating 😖 death 💀.”

“How could you do this?” Putin had tears in his eyes as well as Weinstein’s phallus in his behind.

“I was authorized to do it by an emergency meeting of Cobra 🐍 by the British government this past March 10,” Renfield smiled, “though I was given full artistic control over the whole operation so I could give it my own Renfieldian artistic flourish.”

As Weinstein exploded in orgasm, Amadeus played She’ll Be Coming Round The Mountain ⛰ When She Comes on the piano.

“Salisbury, thou art avenged!” Putin shouted as he gave up the ghost 👻.

“I wonder if I can get a good Salisbury steak somewhere in Moscow,” asked Amadeus who was starting to feel hungry 😋.

Meanwhile Renfield was looking at one of the beautiful topless short skirted hairstylists and said to her, “Feodora, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 11th
2018.

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Renfield Rescued By Norse Valkyrie and Then Discusses Putin With Churchill’s Ghost

March 6, 2018 at 11:50 pm (Detective story, Espionage, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Rescued By Norse Valkyrie and Then Discusses Putin With Churchill’s Ghost

Last night Sir Renfield R. Renfield MP had been saved from drowning in the Thames River by the Norse Valkyrie Svipul who had been flying overhead at the time.

Mr. Renfield had found himself caught up in an avalanche of snow and a wave of rainwater while singing badly performed renditions of old Rod Stewart and Glen Campbell songs.

The combined avalanche/wave pushed Mr. Renfield into the icy Thames River where Mr. Renfield could not extricate himself from such a predicament unless he was wearing a pair of snow flippers which he wasn’t (namely because such an unusual pair of foot apparel – a combination of snow shoes and scuba flippers- hasn’t been invented yet).

Fortunately for Mr. Renfield, the Norse Valkyrie Svipul had been flying overhead at the time.

Also fortunately for Mr. Renfield, the Norse Valkyrie Svipul did not recognize him as the individual who had butchered the lyrics and melody of the Liebestod from Richard Wagner’s opera Tristan und Isolde while performing a filibuster on a Brexit bill in the Westminster House of Commons a couple of months earlier.

Otherwise she’d have probably let the shapeshifting hamster/human British Transhumanist MP drown.

Mr. Renfield was much warmer now having put on a dry pair of clothes and also having received a thorough bottom blistering spanking from the Norse Valkyrie Svipul (who it turns out was a good dominatrix friend of the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes).

Mr. Renfield was now seated in his parliamentary office on an extra extra extra comfortable cushion on his chair at his desk seated across from the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill.

“So according to the Foreign Secretary Mr. Johnson’s speech in the Commons earlier today,” Churchill sipped on his ghostly brandy, “a certain foreign power may be responsible for the unknown substance attack on former Russian spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia Skripal in what is now being called the Salisbury Incident.”

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “the Russians will probably stonewall high enough around Salisbury that they’ll erect a Russian Stonehenge to match the Druidic one.”

“No doubt the invisible hand of Mr. Putin is behind this,” Churchill rubbed his ghostly chin thoughtfully with his ghostly fingers.

“Undoubtedly,” Renfield sipped his non-ghostly and definitely non-ghastly brandy.

“If these ghastly events continue,” Churchill bit his ghostly lip, “Vladimir Putin may have to be bumped off.”

“Yes, I’ll probably have to bump Vladimir Putin off,” Renfield agreed as he accepted the Raymond Red Reddington Award that had been given him by an admiring fellow blogger.

“Well,” Churchill peered at Renfield over his ghostly spectacles 👓, “If any person in the world is capable of bumping off the notorious Mr. Putin, it would be you, Mr. Renfield.”

“Well, it certainly wouldn’t be Donald Trump,” Renfield agreed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 6th
2018.

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Renfield Gives Speech To Clinton Foundation

February 24, 2018 at 11:14 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Gives Speech To Clinton Foundation

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had been invited to give a speech in London to a visiting tour group made up of members from the Clinton Foundation branch in New York City.

At the swanky exclusive London hotel reception dinner where most guests were dressed in formal dinner attire (a great number of the men were wearing evening gowns and a great number of the women were wearing tuxedos and pant suits), Renfield R. Renfield was sitting at the head table dressed like actor Charlie Chaplin as the Little Tramp.

When invited to give his speech, Renfield began his speech by asking,

“Have you ever wondered why Joe McCarthy a conservative Republican senator of the 1950s who was worried about Soviet involvement in American politics was labelled as being paranoid and guilty of conducting a political witch hunt? While liberal Democrats in this 2nd decade of the 21st Century who are worried about Russian involvement in American politics aren’t?”.

Needless to say, Renfield’s speech didn’t go over so well with members of the Clinton Foundation.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 24th
2018.

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Renfield Gives Convocation Address

February 18, 2018 at 11:52 pm (Comedy, Education, Humour, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Renfield Gives Convocation Address

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had been invited to give a winter session graduation convocation Address at a small community college in London.

The topic he was given to speak on for the convocation Address was What Britain 🇬🇧 Needs To Consider For The Future.

Renfield approached the podium wearing sunglasses 😎 , a t-shirt with Bob Marley’s picture on it and a splendid Scottish kilt with a matching pair of plaid socks.

Tapping the microphone and saying “Ich ni sun chi… good… it appears to be working… what Britain needs to consider for the future…”

Renfield paused as he looked around the room.

He then began his address on What Britain Needs To Consider For The Future.

Said Renfield, “Have you ever wondered why the word terrier doesn’t rhyme with the word Perrier?…”

As his friend Amadeus Emanon remarked afterwards, “And that was the high point of the speech…”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 18th
2018.

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