Atargatis, Dracul and The A. Y. Jackson Painting

March 29, 2019 at 10:18 pm (Art, Arts, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, love, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The year was 1955.

Winston Churchill had recently stepped down as Prime Minister of Britain.

And an exhibit of paintings of Canadian artist A. Y. Jackson was opening in London.

The Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis had gone back in time from the current year of 2019 to 1955 to purchase an A.Y. Jackson painting that would become quite valuable.

Atargatis at a London art exhibit in the spring of 1955.

The name of the painting was Painting Of A Buffalo From The Rearend As Painted From The Rearend of A Train.

The buffalo had been painted by Jackson while he was sitting at the back of a caboose at a train stopped in the Red Deer River Badlands near Drumheller, Alberta, Canada.

A buffalo had stoppped and turned around and showed Jackson his rearend so the artist had painted a picture of the spectacle.

“A most remarkable portrait of the late Fuhrer of Germany,” Sir Winston Churchill remarked as he gazed at the painting through his spectacles.

Atargatis controlled a laugh.

Then she caught sight of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

“Are you here to bid on the painting, Van Helsing?” She asked.

“No, just here to take a look,” Van Helsing replied, “my dad often talked about this painting. That very same buffalo later went and took a crap on the shoes of my dad’s school principal. My dad always wanted to say thanks to that buffalo but never got around to it. So I’m here to do it on his behalf.”

“You’re an unusual man, Van Helsing,” Atargatis took a martini off a passing tray.

“And you’re a ravishingly beautiful goddess,” Van Helsing likewise grabbed a martini.

“We really should stop meeting like this,” Atargatis smiled, “it gives a whole new meaning to that expression “blast from the past”. Although I must say, I wouldn’t mind doing it in a DeLorean.”

“Neither would I,” Van Helsing smiled in return, “seeing as how time traveling DeLorean drivers were right in their prognostications about who would become U.S. President in a certain time period- be it Reagan or be it Trump- I’m sure the DeLorean back seat windows could use a little steaming up.”

“Did the DeLorean have a back seat?” Atargatis asked.

“If it didn’t, we could always make one,” the vampire hunter helped himself to a raw oyster.

“I hear a couple of nights ago, you were in Havana, Cuba in 1956,” Atargatis helped herself to a Cuban cigar.

“I was,” Van Helsing offered her a light, “where I heard from a Los Angeles private eye that drinking milk from your lactating breasts makes one immortal.”

“And would you like to be immortal, Mr. Van Helsing?” She approached him.

“England expects every man to do his duty,” Dracul quoted Lord Horatio Nelson and looked down the front of her dress.

The remaining drops of the Syro-Phoenician goddess’ martini wound up in the vampire hunter’s face.

Atargatis walked outside.

After grabbing a towel from the waiter and wiping his face, Van Helsing followed her.

“Well, how about this for a coincidence?” Dracul Van Helsing quoted a line that Dustin Hoffman spoke to Katharine Ross at the back of a bus and pointed towards a car parked in front of the art gallery steps, “A DeLorean.”

Atargatis looked at the car and smiled.

She turned to Van Helsing with a twinkle in her eye and said, “Well, a girl really can’t say no to a DeLorean can she?”.

“They shall look back and say, this was their finest hour,” Churchill quipped as he exited the art gallery.

“And will I get the chance to play with your gearshift, Mr. Van Helsing?” Atargatis asked as the vampire hunter opened the door for her.

“I was hoping you’d ask,” was the vampire hunter’s reply.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 29th
2019.

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Russia’s GRU Chief Dead- Who Is Responsible?

November 22, 2018 at 11:14 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Science, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Donald Trump was being briefed by the CIA while sitting in his briefs (and looking at photos of Shakira for nobody had bothered telling the Twitterer-In-Chief that she was in fact Colombian) on the death of Russia’s GRU (Military Intelligence Directorate) head Colonel General Igor Korobov.

“So he died from a long illness?” Trump asked.

“Well so the Russian media would have us believe,” said CIA agent and cyborg operative George Akirason as he cleared his throat of both phlegm and nanites, “but in fact Korobov only started feeling unwell back in mid-September after having received a severe reprimand from President Vladimir Putin.”

“And what brought about this reprimand?” Trump asked as he combed both seaweed and Black Sea caviar out of his toupee.

“Because Putin got what he thought was a welcome (but she turned out to be unwelcome) visitor in his bedroom one night,” George Akirason coughed a mixture of both phlegm and nanites into his Stormy Daniels photo emblazoned handkerchief, “a sensuous and lovely Kazakh Dragon Sister but she had a poison ivy laced dildo with her which she proceeded to shove up the Russian leader’s anus. She then stapled a note to Putin’s phallus which had on it a message that said, “You’ll never guess what’s going to happen next.” And the message was signed “R.R.R.” The GRU then conducted raids on the Kazakh Dragon Sister’s Moscow apartment but she had fled back to unknown locales in Kazakhstan. Howver the apartment contained several autographed posters of British MP Renfield R. Renfield.”

“Renfield R. Renfield?” The hair in Trump’s toupee stood on end 😨, “That man gives me nightmares for some reason.”

. . .

German Chancellor Angela Merkel was receiving a briefing from a leather skirted female dominatrix Malaysian agent for the German Federal Intelligence Service.

Chancellor Merkel was astounded by how much the woman looked like world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes.

The woman whose secret agent code name was Magic Mushrooms and Killer Tomatoes spoke, “Contrary to what the media is saying, Colonel General Igor Korobov did not die from his illness. He was found face down in his bathroom with both his pants and Rasputin photo emblazoned boxer shorts pulled down and a 20 pound giant banana (with the words THE MAPLE LEAF AND CANNABIS PLANT FOREVER written on it) shoved up his behind. The trauma of the impact was what killed him. A well known Kazakh Dragon Sister assassin was seen leaving his place.”

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in his parliamentary office drinking brandy and smoking cigars with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill.

“Well,” Renfield raised his glass in a toast, “another successful operation planned by the once and future Prime Ministers of Great Britain. And executed by our beloved Kazakh Dragon Sister secret operative.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 22nd
2018.

A Kazakh Dragon Sister with a love for all things British.

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Sekhmet, Set and Bastet

November 17, 2018 at 11:57 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, Radio, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The year was 1938.

It was the month of November.

20 years earlier the Egyptian vampire Set’s tomb had been dug up in Egypt by Oxford trained Egyptologist Dr. Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury.

In fact, Set’s tomb had been opened at exactly 11 AM Greenwich Mean Time on November 11th 1918 (the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month- the same minute the Armistice ending the Great War came into effect).

Set now lived in London, England where he had amassed a fortune.

Set was also one of the world business oligarchs supporting Hitler.

Not because Set was a Nazi.

But because Set thought Hitler would destroy Stalin.

Set hated Stalin because Stalin had arranged the murder of Set’s mortal fiancee back in 1924.

Sir Winston Churchill knew that Sol Invictus Set (as the wealthy businessman Egyptian vampire called himself in London circles) supported Hitler.

Churchill happened to run into the Egyptian lion headed goddess Sekhmet in the Egyptology section of the British Museum library one evening.

Sekhmet agreed to spy on Set for Churchill.

The goddess turned herself into an Egyptian teen-aged girl calling herself Sekhmeta and showed up at Set’s doorstep claiming to be a distant descendant of Horus (who was Set’s nephew) thus making herself Set’s niece (a great great great x great niece several times over).

Set agreed to let Sekhmeta stay with him.

One night 80 years ago, Set caught Sekhmeta listening to American jazz and jive music on the radio instead of doing her homework.

Set promptly administered a spanking.

Rubbing her behind and reaching for a pillow, Sekhmeta said to Set, “I’ll get you for that, Uncle Set.”

“I’m sure you will,” Set laughed.

Meanwhile in Washington DC, the Egyptian cat goddess Bastet was rising up behind an FBI agent and his girlfriend in a movie theatre to strike.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 17th
2018.

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Renfield: Now Is The Time To Destroy The Despotic Desert Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

October 15, 2018 at 10:55 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Poetry, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theatre Arts, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield: Now Is The Time To Destroy The Despotic Desert Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

British MP Renfield R. Renfield sat watching the television in his parliamentary office.

The woman Australian TV news reporter he was watching was positively bubbling over with glee, “Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry are both having a baby. Isn’t that amazing?”.

“It is amazing,” Renfield had to admit, “I didn’t know men could get pregnant.”

He shut off the TV when the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill and Orson Welles joined him for cigars and brandy.

Sir Winston Churchill was helping Renfield in planning to depose the tyrannical and fanatical House of Saud from its governance over most of the vast oil rich Arabian Peninsula.

And Orson Welles was listening in because he got the exclusive rights to write the screenplay for the fall of the House of Saud.

Welles had planned for the screenplay to read like a combination of the writing of Edgar Allan Poe in The Fall of The House of Usher (1839) and Nathaniel Hawthorne in The House of The Seven Gables (1851) and the movie would look like it was made by a combination of directors Woody Allen and Roman Polanski in the film and visual techniques.

If anyone could pull that off, it would indeed be the ghost of Orson Welles.

“Well,” Churchill lit a spectral cigar with a spectral match, “I see Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s idiot successor in the Oval Office is saying the murder of dissident Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi may have been committed by rogue elements in the Saudi government’s secret service.”

“This shows the hazards of sniffing elementary school kid’s glue while using it as a shampoo to wash the dandruff out of your yellowish gold urine coloured toupee,” Renfield noted.

“Indeed,” Welles nodded in agreement, “I noticed Bozo Trump said that Saudi King Salman said he had no knowledge whatsoever of Jamal Khashoggi’s murder.”

“Well, he would say that, wouldn’t he?” The ghost of a young beautiful looking famous British call girl Christine Keeler remarked as she walked by wearing a 1960s era mini skirt.

All three men’s eyes followed her as she disappeared into a portrait painting of John Profumo who was Secretary of State For War in Prime Minister Harold Macmillan’s Conservative Government of the early 1960s.

“Well,” Churchill was the first one of the three to recover from seeing the ghostly apparition, “I see that the Saudi government after first vigorously denying having murdered Mr. Khashoggi is now admitting they may have accidentally murdered him.”

“I wonder whether they accidentally dismembered his body as well,” Renfield remarked as he watched a British farmer fertilizing his field with a dancing diarrhea ridden bull in a YouTube video.

“Undoubtedly,” Churchill blew smoke.

“This is where I can work some Woody Allen style humour into the dialogue,” Welles smiled.

The ghost of Theban king Oedipus’ wife/ mother Jocasta walked by remarking, “I wonder what name they call my son in graffiti on the walls in New York’s Harlem.”

“I don’t think that line can be worked into this script,” Welles confessed.

Jocasta exited Renfield’s office and walked down the parliamentary halls looking for a portrait painting of Sigmund Freud.

Finally Renfield stood up and striking his best Churchillian pose remarked,

“The time has come, the shapeshifting hamster/human MP said, to talk of many things,
of steamy sex with porn stars and ridding the world of despotic Saudi kings.”

The ghosts of Churchill and Welles applauded in agreement.

Finally Welles raised his spectral glass of brandy in a toast and asked,

“When shall we three meet again,
Over wine, brandy, coffee or tea?”

Christine Keeler’s mini skirted ghost appeared and said, “Why not over me?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 15th
2018.

Ghost of Theban Queen Jocasta holding her son’s skull 💀 and remarking to the ghost of one of Prince Hamlet’s friends down in Purgatory:

“Alas, poor Oedipus, I knew him well, Horatio.”

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Hades Has No Fury Like The Three Furies and Renfield R. Renfield

September 6, 2018 at 11:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Hades Has No Fury Like The Three Furies and Renfield R. Renfield

BBC News Announcer: Angela Merkel, Emmanuel Macron, Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau (along with his friend Gali-Gula who is reportedly an ET Gray from the planet Nibiru) are 4 world leaders who accept the United Kingdom’s Salisbury Novichok poisoning allegations.
The United Kingdom has named two men Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov of Russia’s military intelligence service the GRU as the main suspects.
Most political experts in the United Kingdom agree that Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov will probably never face justice for their actions.

As he sat in the Parliamentary office of British MP Renfield R. Renfield, the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill remarked, “The experts are once again wrong.”

Meanwhile Renfield R. Renfield was sharpening his carving knife against the rotating grindstone wheel on his office desk as he memorized the faces in the photos of both Petrov and Boshirov.

Meanwhile in Moscow, Russian President Vladimir Putin was opening a box of Cuban cigars that had on the box the Cuban post office stamped mailing address of the Cuban Presidential Palace in Havana, Cuba 🇨🇺.

When Putin reached his hand into the box to grab himself a cigar, the cigar exploded in his face.

A miniature holographic image of Renfield R. Renfield popped out of the box and laughed, “Ha! Ha! Fooled ya!”.

In a paraphrase of one of Agent 86 Maxwell Smart’s favourite expressions on the old 1960s Mel Brooks TV spy sit com Get Smart, Vladimir Putin sighed as he wiped the black ash off his face, “I can’t believe I fell for the old exploding cigar in the fake package 📦 from Havana Cuba trick.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday September 6th
2018.


What happened to Vincent Price’s character in the 1953 horror film House of Wax is child’s play compared with what will happen to GRU Novichok assassins Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov at the hands of Renfield R. Renfield.

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Cleopatra and The Maitreya On Lammas Night

August 1, 2018 at 11:00 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Cleopatra and The Maitreya On Lammas Night

After British MP Renfield R. Renfield signed a contract with the Three Goth Witches of MacBeth that was written in Classical Greek and translated into medieval Scottish Gaelic and signed in Renfieldian blood (the contract gave the 3 Goth witches Renfield’s soul – which Renfield as an atheist didn’t believe in its existence anyways- in exchange for Renfield becoming Prime Minister of Great Britain 🇬🇧 for 7 years), Renfield suddenly noticed that he left his autographed photo of leather skirted Sherrielock Holmes inside the Night Wolves’ Prayer Auditorium.

He went back to retrieve it and while there, he happened to notice 72 Night Wolves emerging from the basement.

At the text message suggestion of a well known Australian 🇦🇺 poet named David Redpath, Renfield and Polish vampiress Annaka Wyszynski rounded up the 72 Night Wolves and put them on a Midnight Express back door delivery to a Turkish Ottoman prison in Istanbul (Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster prophesied that the incident would be turned into a film called Analcide On The Orient Express).

The sight of the praying Night Wolves with their bums up in the air was greeted with a Hallelujah Chorus of “Allah is most gracious. He has sent us 72 non-dark eyed anal virgins in this earthly lifetime without having to blow ourselves up in martyrdom like the brainless and dickless jihadis of ISIS” by the Turkish prison guards.

After loading the bottom of the missionary position Night Wolves on to the train 🚊, Renfield joined a conversation that the ghost of Orson Welles was having with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill about the literally immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes.

Churchill was remarking to Welles on how his wife Clementine had hired Sherrielock Holmes to tomato 🍅 his (Winnie’s) bottom back in early 1945 as the British wartime Prime Minister had taken to drinking far too much.

After a few intense months of even more intense sobriety, Churchill’s sober second thought gave him an idea 💡 on how to successfully end the war with Germany.

His sober idea 💡 was to fly Sherrielock Holmes behind enemy lines and get her to tomato the buttocks of both German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler and SS Reichsfuhrer Heinrich Himmler.

Sherrielock did this getting Adolf to shoot himself shortly after marrying Eva Braun on April 30th 1945 (when he discovered that Eva wanted him to assume the missionary position during conjugal intercourse – a position that would be extremely painful for the long suffering Fuhrer in his current post-tomatoing condition).

Himmler was so traumatized by the thought of being unable to sit down comfortably for the next 25 years that he committed suicide by biting into a cyanide capsule on May 23rd 1945.

Churchill regretted that he hadn’t had the period of intense sober second thought a lot sooner.

Otherwise he might have thought up this brilliant idea 💡 a lot sooner.

“As I told Westminster College at Fulton, Missouri in my Iron Curtain speech of March 5th, 1946, if I had gotten my Iron Tomatoing 🍅 a lot sooner, there would probably be no Iron Curtain dividing Europe today for the War would have ended a lot sooner and Josef Stalin would be up Shit Creek without a paddle.”

“Did Sherrielock wear a British Commando paratrooping outfit when she parachuted behind enemy lines?” Welles grimaced.

“No,” Churchill shook his head, “she wore a leather mini skirt, black silk fishnet nylons and black spiked super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes an outfit which prevented her from getting shot down from German snipers as they all started masturbating on the spot as soon as they spotted her with their binoculars.”

. . .

“Lexington,” Donald Trump spoke to his British butler and valet, “I’m seriously considering breaking all constitutional and legal precedent and personally firing special counsel Robert Mueller. What do you think?”.

“I think you should do it, sir,” Lexington replied.

“Really?” Trump looked at his hair in the mirror and noticed how much it looked like golden maize corn 🌽 currently growing in the fields of Kansas.

The Oval Office window was smashed by the Wicked Witch of the East flying through on her broomstick.

The witch’s face landed in Trump’s hair and she was killed instantly.

“All right then, Lexington,” Trump pointed at the Wicked Witch’s shoes, “Give these to Robert Mueller and tell him to take a hike.”

. . .

It was Lammas Night and Cleopatra (the former High Queen of Egypt and current High Queen of Ireland) was celebrating with her husband the Nepalese-Tibetan Himalayan golden cobra serpent the Maitreya in a Berlin discotheque.

Cleopatra and Maitreya watched via FaceTime on their respective iPhones as Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal sacrificed a living baby lamb on the altar of York Cathedral at the Lamb-Mass in York Cathedral on this the Feast Day of Saint Peter ad Vincula.

Both Cleopatra and Maitreya ate Lammas loaf owls (the bread 🥖 🍞 loaf owl 🦉 equivalents of gingerbread men) with salt eyes as the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith’s eyes started to water on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem as a sudden gust of wind came up and the ghost of Jack The Ripper appeared.

Cleopatra decided to head down to the dance floor and hoped that someone would ask her to dance on this Lammas Night.

As Cleopatra stood on the dance floor in front of a neon psychedelic icon depicting Persephone the Greek goddess and divine queen of The Underworld of Hades…

… a Black Jaguar approached her to ask her to dance.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 1st
2018.

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The 100th Anniversary of The Execution of The Romanov Russian Imperial Family By The Bolsheviks

July 17, 2018 at 10:01 pm (Biographical, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Obituaries, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The 100th Anniversary of The Execution of The Romanov Russian Imperial Family By The Bolsheviks

1 AM on July 17th 1918 in a fortified mansion in the town of Ekaterinburg in the Ural Mountains, the Tsar Nicholas II, his wife the Tsarina Alexandra, their 4 daughters the Grand Duchesses Olga, Tatiana, Maria and Anastasia, and their son the Tsarevich Alexis were slaughtered by a Bolshevik firing squad.

The order to kill the entire Imperial Family had undoubtedly come down from Lenin himself.

But wisely he never officially wrote it down on paper.

. . .

Vladimir Putin poured himself tea from the samovar.

He then added lemon and honey- the Russian way of having tea- and… handling diplomacy.

To Putin, it was just a day like any other.

Nothing notable.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked to his friend Amadeus Emanon, “So the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill and I were discussing what should be done with Russia 🇷🇺 once I finally succeed in bumping off their strongman leader. We both agreed Russia should become a constitutional monarchy with the heir to the Romanov throne restored.”

“So I suppose you’re headed to Parliament to vote yes on the non-confidence motion to bring down Theresa May’s government over Brexit,” Amadeus said as he munched tea and crumpets.

“As a matter of fact, I’m not,” Renfield replied, “I’m off to Oxford University today.”

Renfield smiled as he tied his tie and walked out the door.

Amadeus sat frozen in position the next 5 minutes with the piece of crumpet only a millimetre from his mouth.

Finally he put the crumpet down and looked at the front door of the Set mansion in a state of shock.

Renfield had been yacking the past few days about the fact that if Theresa May’s government was defeated, Her Majesty the Queen might name him Prime Minister as the head of a National Unity coalition government.

So why then was Renfield skipping the non-confidence vote on May’s government (when every single MP vote counted) and heading off to Oxford instead?

“What,” Amadeus wondered to himself, “was so important about being at Oxford today?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 17th
2018.

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Renfield Rescued By Norse Valkyrie and Then Discusses Putin With Churchill’s Ghost

March 6, 2018 at 11:50 pm (Detective story, Espionage, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Rescued By Norse Valkyrie and Then Discusses Putin With Churchill’s Ghost

Last night Sir Renfield R. Renfield MP had been saved from drowning in the Thames River by the Norse Valkyrie Svipul who had been flying overhead at the time.

Mr. Renfield had found himself caught up in an avalanche of snow and a wave of rainwater while singing badly performed renditions of old Rod Stewart and Glen Campbell songs.

The combined avalanche/wave pushed Mr. Renfield into the icy Thames River where Mr. Renfield could not extricate himself from such a predicament unless he was wearing a pair of snow flippers which he wasn’t (namely because such an unusual pair of foot apparel – a combination of snow shoes and scuba flippers- hasn’t been invented yet).

Fortunately for Mr. Renfield, the Norse Valkyrie Svipul had been flying overhead at the time.

Also fortunately for Mr. Renfield, the Norse Valkyrie Svipul did not recognize him as the individual who had butchered the lyrics and melody of the Liebestod from Richard Wagner’s opera Tristan und Isolde while performing a filibuster on a Brexit bill in the Westminster House of Commons a couple of months earlier.

Otherwise she’d have probably let the shapeshifting hamster/human British Transhumanist MP drown.

Mr. Renfield was much warmer now having put on a dry pair of clothes and also having received a thorough bottom blistering spanking from the Norse Valkyrie Svipul (who it turns out was a good dominatrix friend of the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes).

Mr. Renfield was now seated in his parliamentary office on an extra extra extra comfortable cushion on his chair at his desk seated across from the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill.

“So according to the Foreign Secretary Mr. Johnson’s speech in the Commons earlier today,” Churchill sipped on his ghostly brandy, “a certain foreign power may be responsible for the unknown substance attack on former Russian spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia Skripal in what is now being called the Salisbury Incident.”

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “the Russians will probably stonewall high enough around Salisbury that they’ll erect a Russian Stonehenge to match the Druidic one.”

“No doubt the invisible hand of Mr. Putin is behind this,” Churchill rubbed his ghostly chin thoughtfully with his ghostly fingers.

“Undoubtedly,” Renfield sipped his non-ghostly and definitely non-ghastly brandy.

“If these ghastly events continue,” Churchill bit his ghostly lip, “Vladimir Putin may have to be bumped off.”

“Yes, I’ll probably have to bump Vladimir Putin off,” Renfield agreed as he accepted the Raymond Red Reddington Award that had been given him by an admiring fellow blogger.

“Well,” Churchill peered at Renfield over his ghostly spectacles 👓, “If any person in the world is capable of bumping off the notorious Mr. Putin, it would be you, Mr. Renfield.”

“Well, it certainly wouldn’t be Donald Trump,” Renfield agreed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 6th
2018.

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Churchill’s Ghost Comments On Commie Loving “Useful Idiot” Catholic Bishop

February 6, 2018 at 8:57 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Churchill’s Ghost Comments On Commie Loving “Useful Idiot” Catholic Bishop

Renfield R. Renfield was reading today’s newspaper headlines to the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill as they sat together in his parliamentary office enjoying glasses of brandy (one material and one spiritual).

“Here’s one,” Renfield hiccoughed, “Bishop Marcelo Sanchez Sorondo the chancellor of the Pontifical Academy of Social Sciences has praised the Communist Chinese 🇨🇳 state as “extraordinary”. He goes on…”

“Right now, those who are best implementing the social doctrine of the Church are the Communist Chinese government,” said Bishop Sorondo whose New Testament was covered in dust and cobwebs while his copy of Quotations From Chairman Mao looked to be recently read.

Going on with his lavish praise of the Chinese Communist government, Bishop Marcelo Sanchez Sorondo said, “You do not have shantytowns, you do not have drugs, young people do not take drugs.”

Wiping foam from his mouth, the bishop went on to say, “The economy does not dominate politics as happens in the United States.”

Bishop Sanchez Sorondo added that China 🇨🇳 was implementing Pope Francis’ encyclical on the environment Laudato Si better than any other country and praised it for defending the Paris Climate Accord.

“It would appear,” Churchill helped himself to a ghostly spectral watercress, cucumber and cream cheese sandwich, “that the men Pope Francis has surrounded himself with in the Vatican 🇻🇦 are either idiots or perverts if not both.”

“A most astute observation, sir,” Renfield toasted the late former Prime Minister with his glass of brandy.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 6th
2018.

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Would-Be Sultan Erdogan Meets Pope Francis

February 5, 2018 at 9:25 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Would-Be Sultan Erdogan Meets Pope Francis

Renfield R. Renfield MP arrived home at the London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set after a long day in his parliamentary office where he had spent most of the day discussing world affairs with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill over glasses of brandy (one in material liquid form and the other in spectral spirit form).

As Renfield walked through the door, Athelstan was busy dusting a Ming vase showing the 15th Century Chinese dominatrix Lily Ling (a distant ancestress of Sherrielock Holmes) wielding a whip across the buttocks of a Ming emperor.

Amadeus was on the piano playing the melody to Chopsticks with a pair of chopsticks.

“So,” Renfield growled as he walked through the door, “I was informed that the would-be Sultan of the proposed revived Ottoman Empire Recep Tayyip Erdogan had a private papal audience with Pope Francis at the Vatican in Rome today.”

“Well,” Athelstan quipped, “that means there was one more person that showed up than there were at a recent public papal audience in Saint Peter’s Square.”

“Yes,” Renfield remarked, “it’s amazing how defending a Chilean bishop who covered up for pedophile priests can drastically reduce one’s popularity.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday February 5th
2018.

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