Pan Goatee’s Aesthetics, NASA To Meet Mithras and Renfield’s Speech On Saudi Arabia
Pan Goatee’s Aesthetics, NASA To Meet Mithras and Renfield’s Speech On Saudi Arabia
Pan Goatee was sitting on a bus when a thin ugly looking woman got on.
Since thin ugly women were not as repulsive as fat ugly ones, he decided to be a good natured fellow and let her live.
Besides she was sitting up at the very front of the bus in a spot where he wouldn’t have to look at her ugly face.
Then the ugly thing decided to move and sit in a spot just two seats ahead of him where he could see her ugly face.
That was a huge mistake on the thin ugly airhead’s part.
He immediately grabbed his laser machete and beheaded the ugly creature.
Then he got off the bus by the back door and boarded a bus going the other direction.
As he sat close to the back door, a fat ugly aboriginal lesbian blowhard bull dyke with a butch haircut female construction worker covered in tattoos went and stood at the back exit.
He immediately beheaded her which was his preferred method of aesthetically inspired social euthanasia for dealing with such obnoxious looking fat ugly blimps.
Seeing as how she had made a liar out of him by being both a fat ugly blimp and aboriginal (Pan Goatee had spent the entire evening before talking to his psychiatrist over the phone about how most fat ugly blimps in the city were white in colour and not members of visible minorities), he proceeded to cut her up into a hundred thousand pieces.
After all, poor Sitting Bull was probably rolling over in his grave at the thought of such a fat ugly blimp being aboriginal.
The great Sioux warrior’s horn would have been definitely little and not big when confronted with such a repulsive aesthetically sexually demoralizing sight.
He then cut her into a further 100,000 pieces for being a lesbian blowhard with a bull dyke butch haircut.
He could only imagine what the great Apache warrior Geronimo would think about an aboriginal having such decadent western civilization tendencies.
The poor fellow would probably jump out of a U.S. Air Force plane saying his own name without a parachute on.
Goatee then went to the front of the bus where an ugly looking college aged girl tried to get in front of him.
He beheaded her as well.
“Your college professors and your classmates next semester will probably thank me for this,” Goatee remarked as he kicked her head off the bus.
. . .
Back in early 2008, Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol had uncovered some rather shocking information about Mithras (the Imperial Roman Army’s Mystery Cult religion Sun god who was called Mithra in ancient Persia and Mitra in ancient India).
He told officials at NASA what he had discovered about Mithras (who might just be a real existing entity after all) and his relationship to our Solar System’s sun.
Whitstable’s discovery was reported to both then U.S. President George W. Bush and then incoming President-elect Barack Obama.
As such a NASA space probe for the sun ☀️ 🌞 was approved in the 2009 U.S. government fiscal budget year.
The John Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory designed and built the spacecraft which was originally scheduled for launch 🚀 in 2015.
After sabotage from a North Korean female supernatural entity called the Woman In White (who was a High Priestess of Mithras), the launch date was then rescheduled for this summer of 2018.
In May 2017, the proposed NASA Solar Space Probe was named in honour of a living person (the first time in NASA history a space probe was named after a living person) the great astrophysicist Eugene Newman Parker who developed the theory of the supersonic solar wind.
The Parker Space Probe was slated for launch in a few hours’ time.
. . .
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was about to give a speech on the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia to a group of summer students and professors at Oxford University.
Renfield prior to writing his speech had talked to a few of his Canadian friends about the state of Saudi-Canadian relations.
The rulers of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦 and in particular the so-called reformer Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman (who turned out to be just another asshole Wahhabi religious fanatic after all) had their panties in a knot the past week over Canada 🇨🇦 daring to have the audacity to criticize the backwards desert 🐫 feudal kingdom’s inhumane treatment of human rights campaigners and women’s rights advocates.
A Saudi government tweet showed a photo of a plane ✈️ flying into the City of Toronto’s CN Tower as part of their asinine response to the Canadian government’s protest.
Renfield began his speech in his usual Renfieldian diplomatic manner, “The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦 is a syphilis and gonorrhoea infested sore on the buttocks of Earth 🌏 Mother Gaia…”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 10th
2018.
Isis and Gen. Vulkan In Poland
Isis and Gen. Vulkan In Poland
The Egyptian Vampiress Isis was dressed like an Egyptian queen as she inspected NATO troops in Poland.
She wore a long flowing white dress, a necklace of diamonds, jade, rubies and sapphires, a diamond tiara adorned by a precious pearl at the top that was cut in the shape of a crescent moon, and silver embroidered spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes that had on each shoe a pure gold coin as round as the circumference of the sun and bearing the image and inscription of the ancient Roman deity Sol Invictus.
The NATO soldiers on the ground had no idea who this exotic looking strikingly beautiful woman was who was inspecting them and being led around in her inspection by German Gen. Wolfgang Vulkan.
The soldiers knew it couldn’t be German Chancellor Angela Merkel as (mercifully for them) she looked nothing like the German Chancellor.
She looked like American singing superstar Rihanna.
Watching the spectacle and the inspection was the U.K. ‘s Secret Intelligence Service MI-6 Agent who was known only by his code name Diablos Nocturna.
Diablos Nocturna was pretty sure that the one- eyed German general showing Isis the troops was the ancient Norse vampire Odin worshipped as Odin by the Vikings and as Wotan by the ancient Germanic tribes.
“So Gen. Vulkan,” Isis looked directly into the General’s good-eye, “do you think we’ll finally have a war against Russia?”.
“That is my fondest hope, my lady,” the general bowed to her, “as it is yours.”
. . .
The Mossad agent they called the Controller of the Golem read the document that had been forwarded to him from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.
It was a copy of a handwritten note sent to Mr. Netanyahu earlier this year by the Paris-based Egyptian billionairess Isis (whom rumour had it was a Vampiress) offering to help the Israeli government build a Third Jewish Temple on the Temple Mount provided they erected a statue to the ancient Egyptian god Osiris within the Temple.
. . .
MI-6 Agent Diablos Nocturna was engaged in a night of passionate lovemaking and steamy sex with the sexy and sultry Egyptian Vampiress Isis.
After sex, both of them put nicotine patches on their bodies to get the respective post-coital nicotine high while escaping the hazards of dying from lung cancer due to smoking cigarettes (although in Isis’ case she needn’t have worried since a wooden stake through the heart would be far more lethal than any cigarette).
As she inhaled the pretend non-existent cigarette in her mouth, she received a text message on her smart phone from Gen. Vulkan, Interesting developments on the ground in Ukraine. It’s Brussels sprouts for the Valkyries.
Isis immediately stood up and got dressed.
Looking every inch an Egyptian queen, she adjusted her dress and announced, “I’ve got to get to NATO Headquarters in Brussels.”
She left.
At that moment, Diablos Nocturna received a text message from the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec in Mexico City.
He said with all the eloquence of a Tom Hanks character in a movie adaptation of a Dan Brown novel, “I’ve got to get me to an antiquarian book store in the Gloucestershire town of Tewkesbury.”
. . .
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 8th
2014.
Dracul Van Helsing 