Athena and Dracul In Edinburgh

March 28, 2019 at 9:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )


“And so how are your travels across the annals of time going?” The Greek goddess Athena asked Dracul Van Helsing as he stoked the fires in the Edinburgh hotel room they were in.

“Well, last night I was in Havana Cuba in 1956 and I saw Pat Nixon’s Rockefeller bought mink coat won in a card game in a U.S. Mafia owned casino,” Van Helsing answered.

“My owl tells me that you spent quite the enchanted evening with Isabel Esmeronde the Cuban singer extraordinaire who won that card game,” Athena looked accusingly at Van Helsing.

“Your owl is quite the time traveling spy,” Van Helsing lit a cigarette.

“He is,” Athena acknowledged.

“And now he’s flying around the British House of Commons as the Brexit fracas is going on,” Van Helsing looked at the TV screen which showed an owl caught in the Speaker’s hair.

“He finds human follies and foibles quite amusing,” Athena helped herself to some grapes.

“I see you’re in touch with the Scottish independence movement should Brexit go ahead,” Van Helsing sat down on the sofa.

“They don’t call Edinburgh the Athens of the North for nothing,” Athena smoothed her dress.

“And you’re looking after the Athens of the North?” Van Helsing thought of the Grecian columns of the National Monument on Calton Hill.

“I am,” Athena nodded, “My father’s Kraken is now swimming in the North Sea.”

Van Helsing in his mind pictured Liam Neeson as Zeus saying “Release the Kraken!” and Mel Gibson as William Wallace standing on a cliff above the sea and shouting “I am William Wallace!”.

He wondered who would win that battle.

“I hear you shot and killed your time traveling adversary the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler with a silver bullet,” Athena smiled.

“I did,” Van Helsing took a sip of his Scotch, “Unfortunately the immortal Egyptian priest scientist Imhotep brought him back from the dead and so he’s once again Undead.”

“And Imhotep seems to have the backing of the Egyptian god Thoth for whatever reason,” Athena rubbed her lip in thought.

“He appears to,” Van Helsing acknowledged.

“And with the secret diary of Solomon in your possession, you enter into the machinations of gods and goddesses,” Athena looked at the Canadian vampire hunter.

Van Helsing put down his Scotch, “I wasn’t aware you knew of that diary’s existence. I guess Solomon’s secret diary isn’t as secret as I thought.”

“As the Greek goddess of wisdom, I appreciated the wisdom of Solomon,” Athena stood up, “so of course I knew of his diary’s existence.”

Van Helsing stood up.

“The sun is setting,” the vampire hunter looked out the window.

In the distance, the Union Jack could be seen flying along Scotland’s national flag.

“I’d appreciate a kiss before bedtime,” Athena licked her lips.

And lips of Greek goddess and vampire hunter touched.

Followed by embracing of arms.

Miles away in the North Sea, the Kraken swam.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 28th
2019.

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Cardi B. and The Time Traveller: A Poem

February 7, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Culture, Detective story, Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic poem, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Music, music videos, Mystery, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )


Singer Cardi B. flees Lancaster Hall in England in 1888 leaving behind a giant sized shoe.

“So you really expect me to believe you’re a time traveller from the year 2019?” Consulting detective Sherlock Holmes asked somewhat skeptically.

“Whether you believe it or not, it is true,” replied Dracul Van Helsing who had recently seen Achilles slay his enemy in a manner most Hectorly.

“I have worked on stranger cases,” Holmes admitted.

He looked at Dracul wondering if he should have him committed.

“And what do you mean by a hip hop singer?” Holmes looked as though he’d been through the ringer.

“Do not worry about musical terms from the future,” said Dracul, “rather worry about Cardi B. whom Vampiress Lilith wants to goose her.”

“May I ask why?” Holmes looked up at the dark sky.

“It has to do with Solomon and the Queen of Sheba,” Dracul stated in the midst of an atmospheric upheava.

Holmes looked confused, the coachman looked bemused and the estate cat looked amused.

“It has to do with Cardi B.’s real name,” Dracul played with an open window pane.

“Which is,” Van Helsing went on, “Belcalls Almanzar. Watch out for that falling star…

Holmes quickly jumped out of the way.

And the star landed in some hay.

Much to a hungry horse’s dismay.

His dinner went up in a blaze of smoke.

All that’s left- a solitary artichoke.

The horse ate the artichoke as Dracul continued his story,

“Lilith’s dealings with Solomon- somewhat gory…”

“But what does this have to do with Cardi B.?” Holmes lit his pipe under a tree.

“Her real name,” a soft breeze came, “Belcalls refers to the Queen of Sheba and Almanzar means watchtower. Watch that flower..”

Holmes avoided stepping on the Lancaster Hall estate’s red rose as the cat pranced about on tippy toes.

“So Lilith thinks Cardi B. is the watchtower of the Queen of Sheba,” Dracul went on, “so vampiress wreaks vengeance on Solomon by killing this singing diva.”

A scream went through the air as the terror that flies by night lost her shoes while Sherlock looked in the garden for more clues.

Cardi ran off after the terror by night while Lilith’s shoe glittered in the lamplight.

The next day, Cardi rode a white horse into the countryside

where horse and rider gave each other quite the ride.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 7th
2019.

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The Welsh Vampiress Morgana Encounters Dracul In A London Cemetery

July 29, 2018 at 10:43 pm (Entertainment, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, painting, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana Encounters Dracul In A London Cemetery

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in a London cemetery.

The British Transhumanist MP for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 was trying to track down the location of the Ring of Solomon in Israel on behalf of the British government and Set Enterprises.

The Ring of Solomon was the ring that Israel’s King Solomon used to control both demons and djinn 🧞‍♀️ 🧞‍♂️ to help him build a Temple to God in Jerusalem.

It had been found in Jerusalem back on December 11th 1917 when British General Edmund Allenby captured the city from the Ottoman Turks.

Allenby had ordered the ring hidden.

He had the location of the ring hidden in code in an oil painting that Allenby had commissioned be painted of his good friend the late Sir Simon Baskerville after the British spymaster’s assassination by Intelligence agents of the German Kaiser.

The oil painting had stood in plain view in the abandoned halls of Baskerville Hall until this past Saturday.

Baskerville Hall was currently owned by London art gallery dealer Dashwood Forrest.

Morgana had got her good friend the maker of Britain’s best frozen steak and kidney pie dinners millionaire Sir Rodney Fahrenham to purchase the painting from Forrest.

Forrest had gone to the Baskerville Hall estate in Devon yesterday to pick up the painting of Sir Simon Baskerville.

And there in the empty frame where the portrait had been- stood- Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal- the vampiress who along with the Vampiric Knights-Templar had been secretly controlling the Vatican since October 13th of last year.

Allatallahbel had flashed a wicked vampiress smile – bearing her vampiric incisors at the Oscar Wilde admiring flamboyant London art gallery dealer.

An astral projected image of a talking otter (who was vigorously holding a bottle of bourbon in one of his flippers) that was being astral projected by DARPA headquarters in the U.S. urged Dashwood to “Run, Forrest, run.”

The talking otter need say no more (and indeed he didn’t- for he immediately started drinking from the bottle of bourbon).

Forrest ran as fast as his legs could carry him.

While the halls of Baskerville Hall rang out with the sinister vampiress laughter of Allatallahbel.

Beneath the great majestic staircase of Baskerville Hall, The Vampiric Knights-Templar stood like choir boys and sang,

“Deck the halls with laughs of vampiress- fang-la-la-la-la…”

Morgana had contacted Dracul Van Helsing for advice on how to get the portrait painting of Sir Simon Baskerville back from Allatallahbel and the Vampiric Knights-Templar.

Dracul Van Helsing approached the Welsh Vampiress Morgana.

He was stark naked.

For he had been drinking bottles of Coca-Cola all afternoon and was quite over caffeinated.

As such, he had forgot to put any clothes on.

Furious, Morgana ordered Dracul to lie across her skirted and silk pantyhose lap as she sat on a gravestone and then pulled out a large wooden hairbrush that she used to give the vampire hunter a spanking he’d never forget.

When she had finished, Dracul mounted Morgana and made wild passionate love to her.

The Hindu god Shiva had been walking by the cemetery with his wife Kali at the time.

Both deities were in London attending the grand opening of London’s latest world class curry 🍛 restaurant serving the best Indian food outside India.

As Dracul and Morgana both came, Shiva remarked to Kali, “That’s the greatest explosion 💥 I’ve seen since Dr. J. Robert Oppenheimer detonated the first atomic bomb at the Trinity test in New Mexico on July 16th 1945 and quoted the Bhagavad Gita, “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” “

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 29th
2018.

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3-D Printing The Temple of Solomon

March 28, 2018 at 10:35 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Religion, Science-Fiction, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

3-D Printing The Temple of Solomon

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting alone in his parliamentary office.

The ghost of Sir Winston Churchill wasn’t present because he was being forced to attend a ghostly cocktail party in Purgatory at which the ghost of Lady Astor would be present.

“Like Hamlet’s father’s ghost in Shakespeare’s famous Danish play,” Churchill roared in a paraphrase of Hamlet’s spectral paternal parent, “it is at parties like these where the bad things I did in my days of nature are thoroughly punished.”

“Well, it could be worse,” the atheist Renfield, with no belief in Purgatory, remarked sympathetically, “you could be in Tartarus where Hitler’s ghost is.”

Renfield was unaware that Hades the god of the Underworld had temporarily released Hitler’s spirit from Tartarus at the request of the Norse/Germanic god Odin/Wotan (Churchill’s ghost was likewise unaware of Hitler’s reprieve at the hands of Persephone’s husband).

Hitler’s spirit had entered the body of a grey wolf 🐺 and was currently hanging out with the anti-Semitic ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith as well as paying the occasional visit to Vladimir Putin although Putin was unaware that the grey wolf was possessed by Hitler’s ghost.

Speaking of Hitler and Putin, Renfield was quite pleased with himself because earlier today he had hacked into Russia’s state run television network and put in an image of Vladimir Putin with Hitler’s moustache and haircut that appeared on the TV screen whenever the network ran a news story where the Russian leader was mentioned.

Putin was absolutely livid and furious when he found out and gave the order to all of 🇷🇺 Russia’s intelligence services to find the one responsible and bump that person off with the Novichok nerve agent (at the same time as Putin issued the directive, Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov was giving a press conference in which he emphatically denied that Russia 🇷🇺 was in current possession of the nerve agent).

Renfield had tossed a few bread crumbs to the Russian intelligence services in his speech in the Commons today by continuously referring to Putin as “the Slavic Hitler” in his speech but so far the Russian agencies did not have an intellectual equivalent of Britain’s Sherlock Holmes to pick up on the Renfieldian hints.

Neither for that matter did America’s intelligence services since Donald Trump did not tweet about the subject.

Meanwhile Renfield R. Renfield was currently examining an MI-5 and MI-6 report on a British company called Palmyra Analytica.

The reason Renfield read the report as soon as he heard about it was because his creator Dr. Cadbury Rocher of Set Enterprises was currently doing freelance consulting work for Palmyra Analytica.

Dr. Rocher was building a 3-D printer for Palmyra Analytica.

The 3-D printer when completed would be capable of producing an exact copy (down to the smallest and most exact detail) of the original Temple of Solomon built by Solomon himself.

Renfield was horrified to discover when reading the report that Palmyra Analytica was in fact owned by a front company that was owned by his former boss Set’s arch enemies the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis and the Rome-based Egyptian vampire Osiris.

“Why,” Renfield wondered to himself, “do Isis and Osiris want to rebuild Solomon’s original Temple?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 28th
2018.

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Solomon and The Temple of Baal At Palmyra

April 18, 2016 at 8:05 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Solomon and The Temple of Baal At Palmyra

“And Solomon built Tadmor in the wilderness, and all the store cities, which he built in Hamath.”

-II Chronicles 8:4

“When he (Solomon) had therefore built this city, and encompassed it with very strong walls, he gave it the name Tadmor; and that is the name it is still called by at this day among the Syrians; but the Greeks name it Palmyra.”

-Josephus, Antiquities of The Jews Book VIII, 6:1

“Palmyra was in ancient times an important city of central Syria, located in an oasis 215 kilometers northeast of Damascus and 120 kilometers southwest of the Euphrates. It has long been a vital caravan city for travelers crossing the Syrian desert and was known as the Bride of the Desert. The Greek name for the city Palmyra is a translation of its original Aramaic name Tadmor which means “palm tree”. Tadmor is today the name of a small city next to the ancient ruins of Palmyra and is heavily dependent on tourism. The ancient site of Palmyra is itself an UNESCO World Heritage Site.”

-Tourist Brochure About Palmyra, Syria prior to the outbreak of the Syrian Civil War in 2011.

King Solomon stood and surveyed the city that he was building- the city of Tadmor (the city that would later be called by the Greeks Palmyra).

Night was approaching.

A full moon was rising.

A beautiful dark-haired dark skinned and dark eyed woman approached him.

She was wearing a beautiful purple evening dress- slit at the sides and low-cut at the front.

A necklace of diamonds cut in the shape and form of human skulls hung around her neck.

“Thou art Solomon the wisest of the wise?” She asked as she stood before him.

“I am,” Solomon answered.

“I am Allatallahbel the Priestess of Baal,” she curtsied in front of him making sure he caught a glimpse of her ample and succulent breasts.

“What can I do for you, Allatallahbel?” Solomon shifted uncomfortably in his robes.

“I wish you to build in this city a temple to Baal that’s as splendid as your Temple to your god Yahweh in your city of Jerusalem,” she answered.

“Well,” he answered, “why should I do that?”.

“This night, I shall give you six hundred and sixty-six good reasons why you should do that,” she approached and rubbed her thigh against his.

“Six hundred and sixty-six eh?” Solomon breathed deeply, “that’s a lot of reasons.”

The next morning after Allatallahbel had given Solomon her 666 reasons, she stroked his head in her arms, “Art thou convinced?”.

“I am,” Solomon had to agree.

“Any other woman give you so many reasons to do something?” Allatallahbel laughed.

“One,” Solomon answered.

“Really?” Allatallahbel became jealous, “who?”.

“Her name was Isis,” Solomon recalled, “she was the wife of the architect Hiram Abiff who helped build my Temple.”

(For more on Isis and who Hiram Abiff really was, please read:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2011/03/06/isis-and-solomon/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2015/01/31/osiris-in-rome/

)

“I see,” Allatallahbel stared angrily at the morning sunrise.

“Art thou angry?” Solomon kissed her on the lips, “let me show you my master mason’s tool again. That should make you happy.”

“You say her name is Isis?” Allatallahbel ate some lobster which she gave to Solomon and he likewise did eat even though it was forbidden him as an Israelite to do so.

“Yes,” Solomon nodded.

After she had eaten the lobster meat, Allatallahbel stood and showed her magnificent nude form and then spake and prophesied, “This magnificent Temple to Baal that you shall build in this city, o Solomon, one day replicas to it shall be built in cities all over the world and then Baal shall come.”

“Really?” Solomon rubbed what he felt was an itchy invisible third eye in his forehead.

“Yes, and it will all be due to…” Allatallahbel laughed.

“Due to who?” Solomon asked.

“Due to ISIS,” Allatallahbel laughed like the demons of Hell, “Thou evil woman, who darest to trespass on what should have been mine, thy name shall be as mud and darkened and vilified.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 18th
2016.

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Isis and Solomon

March 6, 2011 at 9:55 pm (Mystery, Mystery/horror, Vampire novel) (, , )

Tonight as the Egyptian vampiress Isis stood in her silk lingerie nightdress in her penthouse atop a tall Parisienne apartment building, she looked out at the Paris skyline and her mind drifted back millenia ago to the ancient City of Jerusalem.

“Solomon,” the sultry but lilting feminine voice spoke to the young Israeli monarch who stood by one of Jerusalem’s babbling brooks on this calm moonlit night.

The young king gazed in the direction of the stunning beautiful vampiress who was arrayed in a lovely red gown.

“Do I know you?” Solomon asked.

“I am Wisdom,” Isis approached him with her seductive smile trying hard not to sneer as she spoke those words.

“Wisdom?” Solomon blinked.

“Did you not ask The Lord your God for wisdom?” Isis approached baring her fangs.

“Yes, but…” Solomon could not finish his sentence as he gazed upon this sensuous apparition of the night.

“Well, here I am,” she laughed.

She approached and loosened the rope around his robe letting it fall to the ground.

She bit him on the lips with her fangs and then pushed him back to the ground.

She then mounted him.

* * *

Some time later outside the court of King Hiram I of Tyre, the Vampiress Isis stood with her husband the Vampire Osiris who was not in such great shape.

“You all right?” she looked with concern at her husband, lover and brother.

“To have been chopped into 14 pieces once and to have one’s phallus cut off is not something one ever recovers from,” Osiris noted wryly.

Osiris had been dismembered by his brother Set.

His brother had never forgiven Osiris for their sister Isis choosing to marry him Osiris rather than he Set.

Set then scattered his brother Osiris’ parts throughout the Land of Egypt.

Isis managed to retrieve and collect all 14 parts of Osiris except his phallus.

She put the parts back together again and using a piece of wood for his phallus- she used a spell from the Egyptian Book of the Dead to bring Osiris back to life.

Using another magical spell- this one an ancient Mesopotamian magical spell- she managed to enflesh Osiris’ wooden phallus temporarily one night and impregnate herself.

She then gave birth to Horus 9 months later.

But Osiris had never really truly been himself since his bodily dismemberment.

So Isis managed to send a message to the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith the world’s first vampiress and asked her to turn Osiris into a vampiric immortal.

This Lilith graciously did.

And at Isis’ request, Lilith turned her Isis into a vampiric immortal as well.

Later when Isis’ son Horus reached the age of 21, Lilith turned him into a vampiric immortal as well at Isis’ request.

When Set heard the news that Isis, Osiris and Horus had become vampiric immortals, he too wanted a piece of the action.

And he got it by giving the nymphomaniac Vampiress Lilith a piece of tail.

“My piece I give you,” Set said as he mounted her, “not as the world gives but I give.”

He entered her sacred temple and she bit him on the neck.

And this act of tantric sex would change the cosmos over Egypt.

* * *

“What are we to do?” Osiris asked Isis.

“We must abide for awhile in another land,” Isis said.

And to Tyre they went where Osiris posed as an architect named Hiram Abiff.

And in Tyre, Isis had come to hear of the young King Solomon and the mysterious god that Solomon worshipped- a god who had no idol of himself- the god known as Yahweh.

When Solomon asked his friend and ally KIng Hiram of Tyre for wood and craftsmen in building his temple to his god, Hiram sent him cedar and Hiram Abiff.

That is why Isis slept with Solomon before the Temple was to be built.

For she wanted this Temple for Yahweh to become a temple to her and Osiris- a temple through which they would eventually challenge Set for mastery of the cosmos.

And in Egypt, Set’s spies reported back to him.

And Set sent three ruffians to murder Hiram Abiff.

And again the slain Osiris was once again resurrected.

And Osiris as Hiram Abiff built Solomon his temple.

And Isis once again slept with Solomon the night the Temple was dedicated in 953 B.C.

She then arranged for Solomon to sleep with her good friend the Phoenician vampiress Ashtoreth.

Through carnal relations with vampiresses and through his many foreign-born wives (including the daughter of Pharaoh) and foreign-born concubines, Solomon came to serve other gods besides Yahweh.

Isis smiled as she recalled all this in her Parisienne penthouse apartment.

Through sex, the man called the “wisest man who ever lived” had become her slave.

And now in this new century and this new millennium, she would find new slaves and new rulers to do her bidding.

To be continued.

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