₱ainting of The Countess Gina

December 22, 2022 at 11:20 pm (Art, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, painting, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

  • A ₱ortrait ₱ainting of the Countess Gina on dis₱lay at The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London
  • British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield was looking at a ₱ortrait ₱ainting of the Countess Gina which was on dis₱lay at The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.
  • Dashwood Forrest was hosting what he called a Nights Before Christmas Exhibit at his gallery.
  • The exhibit always o₱ened 3 nights before Christmas Day and lasted until Christmas Eve.
  • “Why didn’t you kiss the catering waiter?” Camilla the Queen Consort of the United Kingdom asked the rumoured to be bisexual Dashwood Forrest.
  • “Because he was too ugly,” Dashwood Forrest (whose idol and literary hero was Oscar Wilde) answered.
  • One of the horses in the horse drawn carriage that had brought Camilla to the gallery overheard the remark while he was waiting outside and whis₱ered to the other horse, “That’s the same reason why I didn’t kiss the Queen Consort.”
  • “That’s the same reason why I didn’t kiss Charles when he was ₱rince of Wales,” the other horse re₱lied.
  • “I once stuck my head u₱ the skirt of Meghan Markle the Duchess of Sussex,” a third horse in the carriage quartet of horses remarked.
  • “Lucky you,” the two horses in the front of the carriage horse quartet commented.
  • The fourth horse in the quartet (this was his first night on the job) ₱i₱ed u₱, “Did you hear the one about the incestuous gay male bear cub? He gave his ₱aw a lick.”.
  • “This is beginning to sound like a convention of the U.S. National Democratic ₱arty,” noted a field mouse under the carriage who was eating a ₱iece of cheese and a slice of ₱um₱kin ₱ie.
  • Back inside the gallery, British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield was a₱₱roached by Dashwood Forrest.
  • “₱lease none of your kisses, Mr. Forrest,” Renfield said, “I am not French.”
  • “₱ity that,” Dashwood sighed, “You like this ₱ortrait of the Countess Gina?”.
  • ₱ortrait of The Countess Gina
  • “I do,” Renfield nodded, “Who is this Countess Gina?”.
  • “She is a very good friend of So₱hia the Greco-Egy₱tian Gnostic goddess of Wisdom,” Dashwood Forrest re₱lied.
  • “Isn’t that So₱hia the mother of Yaldabaoth the Irish le₱rechaun?” Renfield inquired.
  • “She is,” Forrest blew his nose into a handkerchief with the ₱ortrait of Dorian Gray on it,” “It’s my understanding that the last time the Countess Gina encountered Yaldabaoth the Irish le₱rechaun, which was in the city of Venice, she gave him a s₱anking on the bare bottom.”
  • “Some guys have all the luck,” British rock singer Rod Stewart hummed as he walked by.
  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
  • written by Christo₱her
  • Thursday December 22nd
  • 2022.

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  • The Countess Gina

    November 28, 2022 at 7:48 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

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  • The Countess Gina looking after her friend So₱hia’s Venice a₱artment
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  • So₱hia the Greco-Egy₱tian Gnostic goddess of wisdom was currently on holidays in India.
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  • So she had asked her friend the Countess Gina to look after and watch her Venice a₱artment for her while she was away.
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  • The Countess Gina was, like So₱hia, an immortal.
  • /
  • Albeit a late immortal in the scheme of beings immortal.
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  • The Countess Gina had been a countess in 19th Century Italy.
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  • And she had been a good friend of France’s Em₱eror Na₱oleon III.
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  • Back in the 186Os, she had visited the U.S. State of Florida where she had found the Fountain of Youth that had been sought by ₱once de Leon centuries earlier.
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  • She drank from the Fountain where she became immortal.
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  • So₱hia the Greco-Egy₱tian Gnostic goddess of wisdom was afraid that while she was away in India, her extremely naughty son Yaldabaoth the Irish le₱rechaun might enter her a₱artment and try to steal her jewels and sell them in order to buy more drink for himself.
  • /
  • Yaldabaoth was a le₱rechaun with a serious drinking ₱roblem.
  • /
  • Although So₱hia would tell ₱eo₱le that her son was in fact the Demi-Urge who had created this material universe.
  • /
  • And various grou₱s of Gnostics had believed that since the early centuries after Christ.
  • /
  • <li!/
  • The Countess Gina sat there in a chair waiting for the naughty Yaldabaoth to show u₱.
  • /
  • Yaldabaoth did not disa₱₱oint.
  • /
  • /
  • As Gina sat there in a chair watching him
  • /
  • /
  • Yaldabaoth was busy trying to o₱en the a₱artment safe to get at his mother’s jewels.
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  • “Yaldabaoth,” the Countess Gina said in a stern voice, “I see you. Get over here, ₱ull your ₱ants and briefs down and get across my knee.”
  • /
  • Yaldabaoth did as he was told.
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  • The Countess Gina took him across her la₱ and s₱anked him.
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  • The le₱rechaun had been caught red handed.
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  • And now he was getting a red bottom as a result.
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  • A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter
  • /
  • written by Christo₱her
  • /
  • Monday November 28th
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  • 2O22.

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  • 1OOth Anniversary of King Tut’s Tomb Being Found

    November 4, 2022 at 10:52 pm (Detective story, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

    So₱hia the Greco-Egy₱tian gnostic goddess of wisdom listening to British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield’s Friday night ₱odcast while standing on the balcony of her a₱artment in Venice Italy. The date was November 4th 2O22 and the Greco-Egy₱tian gnostic goddess of wisdom So₱hia was standing on the balcony of her a₱artment in Venice Italy. She was listening to British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield’s Friday night ₱odcast. Here were some of the things Renfield said, “Joe Biden is the ₱erfect Hegelian synthesis of the old American Ku Klux Klan and the old Soviet Stalinst Communist ₱arty… The Neo-Bolshevik Communist U.S. Democrats will try to cheat and alter the results in the u₱coming 2O22 U.S. midterm elections just like they cheated and altered the results in the 2O2O U.S. ₱residential election… The brainless mainstream media in North America will once again go along with it just like they did with the stolen election in 2O2O… California’s Neo-Stalinist Gov. Gavin Newsom is an A₱ostle of the Antichrist… Michigan’s Gov. Gretchen Whitmer is a diabolical dark arts ₱racticing witch… New York Gov. Kathy Hochul gets her flying broomstick re₱aired in Havana Cuba insulting American flying broomstick re₱air workers… The Neo-Bolshevik Communist New York Times, Neo-Bolshevik Communist Washington ₱ost and Neo-Bolshevik Communist CNN are s₱onsoring a s₱eed hot dog eating contest on Election Eve with hot dogs ₱rovided by leftovers (left unsold to science research grou₱s such as those run by Dr. Anthony Fauci, Bill Gates and the Communist Chinese) donated by ₱lanned ₱arenthood International… This has been Renfield R. Renfield ₱roviding you with the news that other ₱odcasts don’t.” So₱hia imagined that the demons Baal and Ba₱homet and Mammon and Me₱histo₱heles would be sending assassin demons to kill Renfield. And indeed they had as soon as the ₱odcast was finished. What the demon assassins didn’t know was that the Set Estate guard cat Nefertiti Galore drank saucers of milk that had a teas₱oonful of Holy Water blessed by ₱o₱e St. ₱ius X dro₱₱ed in each one.

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  • The London based billionaire ancient Egy₱tian vam₱ire Set sat in his arm chair in his living room drinking a martini stirred not shaken and reflected on
  • today’s date: November 4th 2O22. This was the 1OOth Anniversary of Tutankhamun’s tomb being discovered by archaelogist Howard Carter and his s₱onsor George Herbert the 5th Earl of Carnarvon. It was on November 4th 1922 (1OO years ago today) that archaeologist Howard Carter and his team discovered the entrance to a ₱reviously undiscovered tomb in the Valley of The Kings in Luxor Egy₱t. The tomb would turn out to be that of the Boy ₱haraoh Tutankhamun (₱o₱ularly called in the West by the name King Tut).
  • /
  • Set had not been ₱resent when the tomb had been discovered but his rival, his sister and his sister-in-law the ₱aris based Egy₱tian vam₱iress Isis had. Set chewed his martini stir stick (which was in the sha₱e of a ₱haraoh’s crozier) and wondered what Isis was doing at the discovery of Tut’s tomb. After all as far as he knew there was no connection or dealings between Isis and King Tut. So what was Isis doing at the tomb of Tut when it was found?
  • /
  • Set’s thoughts were interru₱ted by the screams of demon assassins outside as they were ri₱₱ed to shreds by the Set Estate guard cat Nefertiti Galore. Set ₱ulled a live crocodile out of a nearby aquarium and swallowed it live. The billionaire ancient Egy₱tian vam₱ire Set reflected that his own tomb had been discovered 4 years earlier on November 11th 1918 (at the exact hour in Euro₱e that the Armistice ending the Great War (as World War I was then called) was signed) by Egy₱tologist Dr. Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury. Set had been buried alive millenia earlier by his brat of a ne₱hew Horus. Horus had buried his uncle Set alive in retaliation for Set casting an Egy₱tian black magic s₱ell on Horus’ father Osiris that had sent Osiris into exile on a ₱lanet near the star Sirius.
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  • Meanwhile u₱ in his bedroom British M₱ Renfield R. Renfield was being visited by the vam₱iress Ankhesenamun (who in her mortal life had been the half-sister and the wife of the Boy ₱haraoh Tutankhamun).
  • /
  • -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter written by Christo₱her Friday November 4th 2O22.

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  • Xi In Kazakhstan

    September 14, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

    The Greek goddess Hera was in Astana Kazakhstan today.
    As was Pope Francis and Communist China’s supreme despot Xi Jinping.

    Hera was visiting Astana today because she had heard that Zeus would be attending the Kazakhstani 7th InterFaith Congress.

    Zeus was most definitely in Astana (the Kazakh capital currently suffers under the revolting name Nur-Sultan named after a Kazakhstani politician and former President Nursultan Nazarbayev).

    (Editor’s Note from Renfield R. Renfield: Due to the efforts of a Calgary based geopolitical analyst and blogger who has been pointing out in his blog posts the past few days that the name Astana reflects good taste while the name Nur-Sultan reflects bad taste , the government of Kazakhstan announced earlier today that it would be changing the Kazakh capital’s name back to Astana).

    Zeus was here to chase a beautiful Jordanian princess (a distant cousin of Jordan’s King Abdullah II) who was here in Astana attending the InterFaith Congress on behalf of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan.

    After cornering the Jordanian princess and asking her to come back to his palace on Mount Olympus where Zeus told her, “I’ll show you the way I ride my bulls”, the Jordanian princess shouted “Revenge for Ixion!” and kicked Zeus in the groin with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

    As Zeus lay on the ground groaning over his groin, Hera came by and hit Zeus over the head with the world’s largest watermelon that had been sent to the InterFaith Congress as a gift from former U.S. President Barack Obama.

    Zeus now lay unconscious in a pool of Neo-Bolshevik red coloured juice while the ghost of Josef Stalin and the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) sang that old Platters hit song “Oh yes I’m the Great Pretender…”

    And speaking of pretenders and imposters, Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) had to google Who Was Jesus Christ? prior to giving a speech because the so-called Holy Father had forgotten who He was.

    And also in Astana Kazakhstan on this day was Communist China’s paramount leader and all round despotic tyrant Xi Jinping.

    Xi’s visit to Astana Kazakhstan on this day was his first trip outside Communist China ever since he had released bat virus from the Wuhan Institute of Virology and had begun the plandemic.

    “Unholy bat virus, Batman,” a talking robin spoke as he flew down on top of Xi’s hair and crapped all over him.

    An immediate search was underway to find some PH Unbalanced Shampoo to shampoo the robin crap out of Xi’s hair.

    A bottle was found in The Homicidal Sasquatch Pub in downtown Astana.

    Sitting in the pub was the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg who was talking to the Russian made cyborg sex robot Sophia.

    Sophia had been invented by the former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (who now worked for the Russian FSB).

    The cyborg sex robot Sophia had made out with Dracul Van Helsing on a roundtable in the Kazakh Palace of Religion in Astana in 2013.

    An incident that was recorded in a geopolitical analyst’s blog post back in 2013 (although at that time the geopolitical analyst lived in Vancouver and not Calgary).

    “You mean to say,” George Finneganburg quickly downed his beer, “that Dracul Van Helsing came up with a cyborg sex robot before I did? How the Hell am I going to break the news to Akira?”.

    Once the robin crap had been washed out of Xi’s hair, he then met with Kazakh government officials.

    After his Astana visit, Xi would be flying to the Russian capital of Moscow for a Kremlin summit meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin in order to discuss the war in Ukraine.

    As such, Xi had brought along his Supernatural spirit advisor the Black Dragon to Astana and the winged demon serpent covered in charcoal black would also be accompanying Xi to Moscow.

    There the Black Dragon would be meeting with Putin’s supernatural advisor “Saint Michael the Archangel” (who was not really Saint Michael the Archangel but was really the demon Moloch posing as the Archangel Michael in an effort to fool the megalomaniacal would-be Deutero-Czar Peter the Great aka Putin).

    Kwan Yin the immortal princess (venerated as the Goddess of Mercy in some sects of Buddhism) and her descendant the South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan were keeping tags on Xi in Astana and would be following him to Moscow for his meeting with Putin.

    Xi was now attending a state banquet in his honour with Kazakh government leaders in Astana.

    Before Xi sat down at the banquet table, a small robotic Paddington Bear (called Paddy O’ Marmalade), who had been invented by Set Enterprises’ scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague, put a combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue down on Xi’s chair.

    When Xi sat down, he got hopelessly stuck and couldn’t get up again.

    As members of the Kazakh honour guard struggled to get Xi free from the chair that his pants were hopelessly glued to, the Paddington Bear robot named Paddy O’ Marmalade came and threw a Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg laced cream pie in his face.

    The cream pie had been specially prepared and baked by Harvey Tallbanger the 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who worked as a secret agent for Set Enterprises.

    Between his butt stuck to the chair and his face covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie, Xi did not really look like a great leader.

    It was at that moment that the ghost of Winston Churchill (representing the British government) presented Xi with a Winnie the Pooh t-shirt.

    Of course Xi could not put it on because of his current predicament.

    Just then a holographic image of British MP Renfield R. Renfield appeared and started to sing to the tune of the Beatles song Hey Jude:

    “Hey Xi, don’t ask me why
    Take a sad song and make it badder
    Remember vaccines get under your skin
    Changing your DNA
    Until you become Transhuman, human, human, human, human,…”

    Renfield was broadcasting from the living room of the Set Estate mansion in London, England.

    In the background could be heard the sound of Amadeus Emanon opening the door to pick up the Chinese Food delivery they had ordered from a Chinese restaurant.

    “Hey Amadeus,” Renfield piped up, “Ask the delivery guy how do you say “Xi Jinping, you are a total loser” in Chinese?”.

    Amadeus asked.

    And the Chinese Food delivery guy answered adding and ad libbing a few nasty pejoratives of his own.

    Renfield spoke in perfect Mandarin (with some Cantonese thrown in for good measure) telling Xi that he was a total loser and throwing in the delivery guy’s added ad libbed nasty pejoratives of his own.

    Xi was livid with rage although you couldn’t tell because his face was covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie while his bottom was still being pulled away from the butt locking combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue on his chair.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Wednesday September 14th
    2022.

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    Sophia Catches Her Son At Perverted Party In Kiev

    March 21, 2022 at 10:17 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

    Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic Goddess of Wisdom catches her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun at a perverted party in Kiev rather than fighting in the Greek centaur Chiron’s army of leprechauns and gnomes

    Sophia had heard the rumours.

    Rather than fighting against invading Russian troops her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was supposedly attending a coming out party of the LGBTQ2s+ community in the City of Kiev hosted by Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelenskiy in celebration of the New World Order that an airheaded Ukrainian woman MP Kira Rudyk said that Ukraine was fighting for.

    The demons Baal and Baphomet were present at the LGBTQ2s+ coming out party as freaks, fruits and nuts whose hair was all the colours of the rainbow (plus colours not in the rainbow) gave the appearance of a Liberace and Elton John directed version of the 1968 zombie film Night of The Living Dead.

    Ukrainan President Volodymyr Zelenskiy, who had just got into some trouble for releasing a fake news video of the Eiffel Tower in Paris France being attacked by Russian missiles, addressed the crowd, “I understand we’ve got some foreign guests who are here with us virtually on Zoom.”

    The crowd cheered.

    “How many women from America are here with us today?” Zelenskiy asked.

    2/3 of Joe Biden’s deputy cabinet appointees put up their hands as well as some muscle bound ogre who just won the first place gold medal in an NCAA Women’s Swimming Competition in the U.S.

    Yaldabaoth, who was busy drinking green beer while Zelenskiy grandstanded in black leather pants and spiked high heeled shoes as holographic images of George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab applauded in the background, was immediately spotted by Sophia.

    “I thought you were supposed to be fighting invaders,” Sophia approached him.

    “Well…” Yaldabaoth was at a loss for words.

    Sophia took Yaldabaoth over her knee and spanked him.

    . . .

    Meanwhile diplomatic relations between the U.S. and Russia were on the verge of collapse after senile old fool Joe Biden called Russian President Vladimir Putin “a war criminal”.

    The ghostly voice of Mortimer Snerd (who was the secondary ventriloquist dummy- after Charlie McCarthy- of American ventriloquist Edgar Bergen) called Biden from Hell (where he was doing a stand-up comedy routine with Cerberus) and told him that it wasn’t smart to call the leader of a nuclear power “a war criminal”.

    Russia’s Foreign Ministry had summoned U.S. Ambassador to Moscow John Sullivan to give him a dressing down.

    Actor John Cleese (who played Basil Fawlty on the 1970s British sitcom Fawlty Towers) told a member of the British press, “I called Vladimir Putin a war criminal once but I think I got away with it…”

    . . .

    Meanwhile the demons Baal and Baphomet had left Kiev and had gone to French President Emmanuel Macron’s bedroom to enjoy some champagne cocktails with the Klaus Schwab approved former Global Youth leader.

    “We’re looking forward to this Friday,” the half-male, half-female half-human half-goat demon Baphomet told Macron.

    “What happens Friday?” Macron asked as he chased an elderly cougar around the bedroom.

    “Haven’t you heard?” Baal said as he sampled a Planned Parenthood appetizer from a Paris clinic, “That’s when the demon Pachamama worshipping AntiPope Francis supposedly consecrates Russia and Ukraine to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.”

    Baal and Baphomet both roared with laughter as Macron adjusted his toupee.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Monday March 21st
    2022.

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    Sophia In The Beautiful City of Venice

    February 18, 2022 at 11:51 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

    Sophia stood on the balcony overlooking the city of Venice and took in the spectacular view of the city’s canals.

    She watched as a gondola calling itself Traditionis custodes found itself being swallowed whole by a vicious looking Leviathan who had swam into the Venetian canal from the deepest part of the Mediterranean Sea.

    All aboard were lost.

    Another gondola calling itself Summorum Pontificum was attacked by the very same evil Leviathan.

    A swat across the Leviathan’s snout from the gondolier’s oar sent the evil sea monster (mentioned in Isaiah 27:1 and Job Chapter 41) back to the depths where it belonged.

    All aboard were saved.

    Apparently the sound of Latin chants prevented the Leviathan from rising from his depths in the abyss below the sea.

    Meanwhile in Rome, Pope Francis was delivering yet another self-congratulatory sermon to himself all the while trying to appear modest and humble (and failing miserably!).

    Sophia reflected on the current world situation.

    A Calgary based geopolitical analyst with his old contacts in Edmonton’s Ukrainian community discovered today that Canada’s Whore of Babylon Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Finance Chrystia Freeland was a Communist. Her mother Halyna Freeland (of Ukrainian dissent) had also been a Communist. They were part of a group of Ukrainians who were stalwart supporters of the old 1917-1922 Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic that had merged with the Belurussian Soviet Socialist Republic, the Transcaucasian Federated Soviet Socialist Republic and the Russian Federated Soviet Socialist Republic to form the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) on December 30th 1922.

    In the lying Wikipedia article on her, they claimed the Soviet KGB regarded her as a threat when she was one of the KGB’s greatest assets.

    As Foreign Affairs Minister in the Justin “Pedo” Castro Trudeau government, her first act was to destabilize foreign markets for Canadian canola sales for it is a standard strategy of Communists to try to marginalize farmers.

    As Minister of Finance, she has never produced a balanced budget for the Canadian federal government because Communists do not believe in being accountable.

    Now as Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Finance, the Communist Whore of Babylon using the mechanism of Justin “Pedo” Castro Trudeau’s proclamation of the National Emergencies Act, she is illegally seizing the private property of the working class people of Canada in exactly the same manner Lenin did in the 1920s and Stalin did in the 1930s.

    Already in London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was calling for the overthrow of Canada’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist totalitarian government who had now come to power in a coup against the Canadian Constitution.

    In Ottawa last night, Ottawa’s Neo-Fascist Police Force had used their horses to run over protestors.

    A rider still on his bike was thrown against a horse by a cop high on testosterone but low on ethics and common decency.

    It was the thrown bike rider and not the Fascist pig cop who was charged with injuring a police horse.

    Senior citizens in walkers were also knocked to the ground by the miscreants who work for the Ottawa Police Service.

    The thoughts of Sophia the Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom were interrupted by the appearance of her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun on the balcony.

    “So Yaldabaoth are you going to go to Ottawa and overthrow that son of a Fidel?” Sophia inquired.

    “No, I might get hurt,” Yaldabaoth answered.

    “Where is your courage?” Sophia demanded to know.

    Then she took Yaldabaoth over her knee and spanked him.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Friday February 18th
    2022.

    Permalink 4 Comments

    Rome On The Eve of A Transhumanist Future

    October 22, 2021 at 10:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

    The cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus sat in a Rome taverna on the eve of a Transhumanist conference at the Vatican.

    Brainless “fact checkers” at the Reuters news agency were proclaiming that this conference was only being held at Vatican City, it wasn’t being organized by the Vatican.

    The idiots had neglected to check the Vatican’s own news web site where they were busy boasting about organizing the conference.

    Instead the Reuters “fact checkers” who couldn’t see much beyond their own navel (or quite possibly their own asshole) were quoting the ADL (Anti-Defamation League) who got their panties in a knot when Mel Gibson made the film The Passion of The Christ and have had their panties in a knot ever since.

    Brainless “fact checkers” at Reuters quoting the knotted panties cutting off the blood supply to the brain ADL said that Transhumanists were not planning on merging man with machine.

    Both the brainless “fact checkers” at Reuters and the ADL had obviously neglected to read Elon Musk’s latest glowing press release on the subject.

    Elon Musk would be most disappointed to hear that there were still people out there who did not read his press releases.

    Mephistopheles the Fallen Archangel walked through the door of the Rome taverna.

    “Going to attend the Transhumanist Conference at the Vatican tomorrow?” Asmodeus asked.

    “I am,” the fallen Archangel nodded.

    “Say what world leader is it that you occasionally possess sometimes?” Asmodeus inquired.

    “Joe Biden,” Mephistopheles answered.

    Asmodeus’ little buddy Nimrod the little green frog held up a sign that read “Let’s go Brandon!” showing the Roman poet Virgil kicking Joe Biden into the flames of the Inferno as Dante watched.

    . . .

    M. Beast (which stood for Mark of the Beast) was an infernal creature.

    He called himself M. Beast because he had delusions of grandeur.

    Seeing himself as THE Mark of the Beast.

    But really he was a gaslighter.

    One who enjoyed gaslighting homeless vulnerable people.

    He worked in an agency run by the forces of Voldemort.

    And tried to convince the clients he was assigned to help that they were crazy.

    Little did M. Beast know that British MP Renfield R. Renfield already had him in his sights.

    And Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster already had a vision of M. Beast’s demise in the Set Enterprises’ dungeons.

    A slow painful death.

    And lots of agonizing screams coming from M. Beast’s mouth.

    . . .

    Yaldabaoth the Irish Leprechaun had been invited to speak at the Transhumanist Conference at the Vatican.

    The topic he was invited to speak on was How Leprechauns Will Fit Into The Future of Transhumanism.

    Yaldabaoth had no idea how leprechauns would fit into the future of Transhumanism.

    But he heard that the conference would have plenty of free booze flowing so he’d go and speak anyhow.

    As he walked up the steps of a Roman piazza while carrying a gargantuan bottle of Tuscan red wine, he ran into his mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of Wisdom.

    Yaldabaoth soon found himself the recipient of a good old fashioned spanking from his mother.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Friday October 22nd
    2021.

    Permalink 5 Comments

    Sophia On One Fine Day In 1955

    May 4, 2021 at 10:50 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )


    Sophia the Gnostic Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom
    Currently lived in Italy
    On this date in 1955.

    It was a tantalizingly hot day
    Steamy, sultry, humid.
    Her maid approached her,
    “Dr. Carl Gustav Jung is here to see you.”

    “The famous Swiss psychoanalyst?”
    Sophia wiped her brow
    As her maid wrung Sophia’s sweat out of her dress
    The heat was suffocating.

    “What does Jung want?”
    Sophia asked.
    “He wants to see your son,”
    Her maid answered.
    “Yaldabaoth?”
    Sophia looked at her maid
    Through drips of persperation.

    “Yes, he wants to meet the Demi-urge
    who created the material physical universe,”
    Her maid smiled at Sophia.

    “But that’s only what I told people,”
    Sophia doused her head into a nearby spring
    To wipe away the sweat and perspiration,
    “He’s actually an Irish leprechaun
    with a serious drinking problem.”

    “Well, I guess Dr. Jung is going to find that out for himself,”
    Her maid sighed,
    “He’s up at the house.”

    “My God, no,”
    Sophia went running back to her estate in Tuscany.
    “What god would that be?”
    Her maid asked.
    “Ultimately the Unknown God of The Greeks
    whose altar bears an inscription in Athens.”

    Sophia went back to her house
    And opened the door.
    There lay her son Yaldabaoth on the floor
    Buried under a mass of bottles
    of Jameson Irish Whiskey.
    He was busy singing,
    “Roll out the barrel,
    We’ll have a barrel of fun,
    Roll out the barrel,
    We’ve got the blues on the run…”

    “This is he who created the material physical universe?”
    Dr. Carl Gustav Jung raised an eyebrow in Sophia’s direction.
    “Well… uh…” Sophia was at a loss for words.
    “When I look at the state of the world, I tend to believe it,”
    Dr. Jung wiped his glasses, rose and left.

    “Just wait until you see the world in 2020 and 2021,”
    Yaldabaoth called out after Dr. Jung.
    “Or so a time travelling gypsy tells me.”

    “This is awful,” Sophia looked out the window
    As Carl Gustav Jung was driven away in a waiting limo.

    “What’s awful is there’s no Jameson left,”
    Yaldabaoth looked inside the closet.

    “Awful,” Sophia wiped her brow.

    Her maid walked up the path
    As Dr. Jung’s limo drove by.

    Her maid wondered, “Will the doctor see that UFO hovering over the stream?”

    -A poem and vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Tuesday May 4th
    2021.

    Permalink 9 Comments

    Communist Rag Atlantic Monthly, Pope Francis, Yaldabaoth and Sophia

    October 22, 2020 at 10:46 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

    The innkeeper of Sleepy Hollow’s Rip Van Winkle Inn (who happened to be the former proprietor of the mysterious Hotel California made famous in an Eagles song) was listening to the local Sleepy Hollow radio station on the radio.

    The station was playing a quote from the United Kingdom’s most controversial Member of Parliament Renfield R. Renfield.

    Said Renfield, “It should come as no surprise that America’s most pretentiously snobbish Communist rag The Atlantic Monthly magazine is doing a hatchet job on those Catholics who think that Joe Biden is a phony Catholic and that Pope Francis is a heretic. The best that the Atlantic Monthly can be used for is as a substitute for toilet paper when you run out.”

    The innkeeper who realized that he had indeed run out of toilet paper grabbed the latest issue of The Atlantic Monthly and proceeded to his own private washroom.

    When he returned, he said to himself, “I hope I won’t have to call the plumber to unplug that toilet. That Atlantic Monthly really seemed to be full of it.”

    He noticed his guest Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun had left his smart phone on top of the inn’s front desk.

    There was a photo on it:

    “Wow, is she ever hot,” the Innkeeper looked at the pic.

    Yaldabaoth came running down the stairs in search of his smart phone.

    “Is that a picture of your girlfriend?” The innkeeper asked.

    “No, my mother,” Yaldabaoth answered.

    “But she doesn’t look a day over 30,” the innkeeper protested.

    “Because she’s a goddess,” Yaldabaoth explained, “She’s Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom.”

    “Wow, now I know why your name Yaldabaoth sounds so familiar,” a lightbulb went on over the Innkeeper’s head which was a sure indication that the village electrician had restored the Inn’s electricity, “It’s mentioned in some ancient Gnostic texts that Sophia gave birth to Yaldabaoth. But I thought you were supposed to be the Demi-Urge who created the material physical universe.”

    “Well, like most mothers, my mother has a tendency to exaggerate about her children,” Yaldabaoth explained, “It was far more impressive sounding to tell people that she had a son who was the Demi-Urge that created the material physical universe than to tell people that she had a son who was a drunken alcoholic leprecaun. People might have been impressed by the leprechaun part but definitely not the drunken alcoholic part.”

    “You have a point there,” the Innkeeper admitted.

    Indeed Yaldabaoth who had taken off his wee leprechaun hat was sporting a very large bump on his head.

    It was caused by the boys of the village of Sleepy Hollow who were using the Headless Horseman’s pumpkin head as a substitute ball in a rather nasty game of Dodgeball.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Thursday October 22nd
    2020.

    Permalink 12 Comments

    The Headless Horseman In Pumpkin Country

    October 9, 2020 at 10:39 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

    Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow had been without a head ever since his pumpkin head had been ripped off during the course of a discount sale on pumpkin spice lattes in Ravenna a few weeks ago.

    He sat in a cafe in Rome, Italy alongside his black zombie horse Bucephalus Reborn.

    Bucephalus was entertaining the customers by singing a song from an old 1950s television show,

    “Mr. Ed the talking horse
    of course, of course, of course…”

    Bucephalus then stopped to add bushels of sugar to his giant cup of tea.

    On the radio, a news story was unfolding:

    Joseph Cardinal Zen of Hong Kong has called Vatican Secretary of State Pietro Parolin a liar over the Vatican-China Agreement that the Vatican hopes to renew with Communist China by next month.
    Said Cardinal Zen, “Parolin knows that he is lying. He knows that I know he is a liar, he knows that I will tell everyone he is a liar…”

    The newscaster then said, “We tried to find a politician anywhere in the world who would back up Cardinal Zen’s claim that Cardinal Parolin is a liar.
    The only one we could find is British MP Renfield R. Renfield.”

    Voice of Renfield: Cardinal Zen is absolutely right. Cardinal Parolin is a liar.

    The Headless Horseman then remarked to Bucephalus Reborn, “Pope Francis is not very happy with that Englishman Renfield.”

    The horse responded while sipping his tea, “Of course, of course, of course.”

    Sophia the Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom then entered the cafe and noticed the Headless Horseman was looking very forlorn without his head attached to his shoulders.

    She asked him what was up.

    The Headless Horseman then explained the situation.

    “Too bad your pumpkin head was ripped off,” Sophia stated sympathetically as she ordered a slice of pumpkin pie from the waiter, “I suppose you’re looking for a new pumpkin to replace it.”

    “I am,” the Headless Horseman nodded without a head which was quite an accomplishment in itself.

    “I hear the Great Pumpkin of Charlie Brown Peanuts fame is visiting your hometown of Sleepy Hollow tonight,” Sophia licked the whipped cream off her slice of pumpkin pie.

    “Too bad I’m thousands of miles from Sleepy Hollow,” the Headless Horseman sighed.

    “Of course, of course, of course,” Buchephalus nodded.

    Sophia then phoned her son Yaldabaoth the Irish Leprechaun.

    Yaldabaoth had recently become united with his pet pterodactyl who had been lost since 1940 when the latter had heard that Benito Mussolini was looking for him.

    She asked Yaldabaoth to fly the pterodactyl from Ireland to Rome so that the Headless Horseman could borrow it to fly to Sleepy Hollow.

    Yaldabaoth and his pterodactyl managed to land in Rome in a manner of minutes.

    The pterodactyl having been spurred on by an ingestion of Uncle Ernie’s Chemical of the Day mailed to him from Australia.

    The Headless Horseman and Bucephalus Reborn then boarded the pterodactyl and headed off to Sleepy Hollow in upstate New York.

    They were soon in sight of Pumpkin Country around Sleepy Hollow.

    To be continued.

    -A vampire novel chapter
    written by Christopher
    Friday October 9th
    2020.

    Permalink 30 Comments

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