Semiramis’ Early Valentine’s Day Present For Dracul While Andrew Cuomo Sacrifices A Pig To Greek God Zeus For Chinese New Year
Semiramis: “Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr. Van Helsing.”
“But it isn’t quite Valentine’s Day yet,” Van Helsing looked at his Latin sun dial wrist watch (which didn’t work quite so well at night) as he addressed the immortal Queen of Babylon.
“But it is Chinese New Year,” Semiramis smiled, “so I thought we’d take the Persian magic flying carpet that the ghost of Orson Welles left behind in the hotel and use it to fly to your old home town of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada and have dinner at the Blue Willow Restaurant there at your favourite table alongside the statue of Kwan Yin the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy.”
“Or,” Dracul joked, “we could order take out from Lydo Chinese Food.”
He recounted their TV commercial musical song jingle from his childhood, “4-2-6- 5-0-5-0 (their phone number- Editor’s Note), if you’re hungry call the Lydo… now. Free delivery.”
“Van Helsing, shut up,” Semiramis commanded in a spanking dominatrix tone of voice that turned Dracul on.
. . .
Meanwhile in Washington DC, Donald Trump was giving his State of The (Dis)Union Address as the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln, Jefferson Davis, Robert E. Lee and Ulysses S. Grant watched from the public gallery.
It was deja vu all over again for the quartet.
. . .
In Beijing China, the Black Dragon had arranged for a Lunar New Year celebration for Chinese leader Xi Jinping.
A wild boar with an Apple iPhone in its mouth along with a real apple was brought in on a silver platter.
The wild boar was dressed in the Stars and Stripes of the American flag and the apple (fruit not iPhone) had a miniature Canadian flag on a toothpick along with a marijuana cigarette sticking out of it.
. . .
In the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine in New York City, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was sacrificing a live Vietnamese pot bellied pig to a statue of the Greek god Zeus that had been placed in the Lady Chapel.
Horrified looking holographic images of Miss Piggy and Kermit the frog (projected by the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland) looked on in horror.
“Kermit, do something,” Miss Piggy shrieked.
“What can I do?” Kermit answered as he ate flies from a can of sardines whose expiry date had long since expired, “It ain’t easy being green.”
. . .
Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom stood alongside a marble bust of Pan the Greek satyr nature god (her one time lover) and addressed the ghost of Orson Welles.
“Do you know how my son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun is celebrating Chinese New Year in Ireland?” Sophia remarked, “Drunk under several pints of Guinness and a pot of gold.”
“I should have done the same,” Welles’ ghost remarked while suffering an acute case of spectral ectoplasmic indigestion after having ordered the Hungry Ghost Plate Special at Ho Ho’s Chinese Food in the Hub Mall of Edmonton’s University of Alberta campus while a marriage proposal was happening in front of the express food concession stand.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 5th
2019.
Pan Goatee’s Twin Sister, Edgar Allan Poe, Robert E. Lee, The Mermaid and The Kraken: A Poem
DARPA Contract assassiness Panty Goatee disguised as the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria appearing to Edgar Allan Poe on the day of his death October 7th 1849
‘Twas the night before the Super Wolf Blood Moon
and all through the earth, strange creatures were stirring
and at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland
Shiva and Kali danced the Dance of Death
because of the foolishness of foolish mortals
DARPA and CERN had teamed up to send
Pan Goatee’s genetically cloned twin sister
the beautiful Panty Goatee back in time
to Baltimore Maryland on October 7th 1849
disguised as Poe’s immortal love
the Dragon Warrioress Crown Princess Lenora of Lemuria
They were sending Panty back as Lenora
On this date of January 19th 2019
on what would have been Poe’s 210th birthday
if he had been still alive or had become an immortal
So as the full moon cast a mysterious looking lunar rainbow
Down upon a cloud as snowflakes fell to Earth
Around the Swiss countryside
And Kali and Shiva danced a frozen version of Swan Lake
as the Greek god Zeus choked on the drumstick of Leda’s
duck a l’orange
and the Chinese moon goddess Chang’e laughed heartedly
while sampling the delicacy of Peking Duck sprinkled
with a little Soma lunar elixir of life
As her snow white jack rabbit hare friend ate carrots
and developed superior night vision.
Why was Panty going back in time as Lenora
to Poe on his death day?
It was a plan conceived by DARPA’S new AI robot
Built by a DARPA employee under the mentorship of Sophia
The Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom
Unbeknownst to both DARPA and CERN however
the AI robot had come up with the idea
after being shortcircuited
when DARPA’s mascot Jefferey the otter
had poured a 40 ounce bottle of bourbon
down the AI’s metallic throat
because Jefferey thought the robot could use a drink.
As such both the drink and the plan
would spell doom to the best laid plans
of CERN and DARPA
Both should have stuck to building better mousetraps
And making plans to celebrate Robbie Burns Day
later this month.
Panty as Lenora approached Poe
The writer looked at her and whispered “My long lost love Lenore”
Then he whispered “Reynolds” as he saw the genetic clone
That the immortal Egyptian scientist Imhotep
had made of the writer and named “Reynolds”
Poe then croaked
and a raven outside the window wept bitter tears
As Poe would say “Lenore” nevermore.
Inside a Rome coffee shop
Abraham Lincoln’s ghost
And the ghost of Gen. Robert E. Lee
celebrated the Confederate General’s 212th birthday today
January 19th 2019
As the Egyptian god Osiris watched
Lincoln raised his cappuccino in a toast,
“Here’s to old enemies becoming friends again”.
And on a marble floor inside the Vatican was a gold ashtray
containing the gold plated figures of a mermaid and a Kraken
who were very much in love
The Kraken told his beloved mermaid,
I want this moment to last forever
His wish came true when King Midas touched them both.
-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 19th
2019.
Sophia, Yaldabaoth, A London Werewolf and The Wolfman
A black and white photograph taken of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess Sophia by Orson Welles in 1938
Sophia was worshipped as a goddess by early Gnostic groups emerging in the 1st and 2nd Centuries AD and their successors throughout the centuries.
Sophia was a daughter of Athena- she being born from Athena’s head just like Athena was born from Zeus’ head.
However on one occasion while visiting India, Sophia ran into the Hindu moon god Soma.
The lunar deity Soma gave Sophia some of his psychedelic elixir of immortality also called Soma to drink.
Sophia took quite an out of this world trip as a result.
She claimed to be an emanation – the last in a line of a series of emanations from a divine impersonal force she called the Ein Sof (meaning the Infinite or “Endless One”).
She went to Alexandria in Egypt in the 1st Century AD where she gave this revelation to many of the Neo-Platonist schools in the city.
Gnosticism developed as a result.
While in Egypt, she encountered the immortal Egyptian scientist Imhotep (he who had served as Chancellor to the Egyptian Pharaoh Djoser and was high priest of the Egyptian sun god Ra at Heliopolis).
Imhotep was trying to determine whether it was scientifically possible for a woman to have a virgin birth.
Sophia volunteered to be Imhotep’s guinea pig as it were.
She gave birth to a strange little being called Yaldabaoth.
The little fellow (and indeed he remained little all of his immortal life) travelled to Ireland where he became the world’s first leprechaun.
To this day Yaldabaoth enjoys drinking and spinning yarns and hiding pots of gold at the end of rainbows in his adopted country of Ireland.
However Sophia did not mention that to the Neo-Platonists of Alexandria.
Instead she said that her son Yaldabaoth was a Demiurge who foolishly created the material physical world (Sophia had imbibed some of the teachings of some Buddhist schools in Alexandria that the material physical cosmos was inherently and intrinsically evil) and that this Demiurge Yaldabaoth was the same as the god YHWH (Yahweh) worshipped by the Hebrew peoples.
This teaching was adapted and taught by a man named Marcion in the 2nd Century AD.
However Sophia who had now been a virgin for what she considered forever longed to have sex at last.
Imhotep had recently brought the Greek goat god Pan back from the dead.
Pan had died after drinking too much wine at a wedding celebration in Cana of Galilee (after he had laughed at one of the lunatic servants who told him that an hour earlier the wine had just been plain water).
As soon as Sophia saw the Imhotep resurrected Pan, she fell in love and they slept together.
Pan after having one Hell of an orgasm (and with a virgin at that) decided to celebrate by digging around Cana of Galilee again to see if there were any jugs of that delicious wine left.
Turns out there was, Pan drank it and promptly died again (this was wine to die for as far as Greek goat gods were concerned).
Anyhow Sophia turned out to be pregnant after her encounter with Pan and she gave birth (this time in a non-virginal fashion) to Baphomet the half-human half goat half male half-female entity.
Baphomet had the Norse god Loki as his tutor for several years and then Baphomet was adopted as a son by the fallen angel Samael.
On Samael’s advice, Baphomet was made a demon.
In 1938, Sophia had met the young Orson Welles on the same day as his infamous War of the Worlds Broadcast on radio and he had taken her photo.
Now Sophia was back in the United States again.
She was going to be attending a Super Wolf Blood Moon party this coming Sunday in Washington DC.
The party was being thrown by a British Lord- Lord L who was one of the high ranking members of the Illuminati (Coincidentally the founder of the Illuminati the Jesuit priest and canon law professor Adam Weishaupt had come into possession of the gnostic Pistis Sophia manuscript in 1773 which told one version of the gnostic Sophia myth- 1773 was also the same year the Jesuit order was suppressed by Pope Clement XIV. Weishaupt founded the Illuminati 3 years later in 1776).
Also attending the party would be Sophia’s old friend the Hindu moon god Soma.
Soma would be bringing bottles of the hallucinogenic elixir drink likewise called Soma with him.
Unbeknownst to NASA, the Chinese were using the Chang’e 4 lunar probe
to mine Soma on the moon.
They were flying the Soma elixir of life back to Earth for the Lord L party again unbeknownst to NASA because NASA employees were busy falling asleep listening to the speeches of Donald Trump, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer on who was responsible for the U.S. government shutdown.
Sophia smiled as a snow white hare in the Washington DC snow hopped by.
. . .
In London, a 119 year old Jesuit priest who had spent most of his life in Tibet and who had been the one to warn botanist Dr. Wilfrid Glendon not to look for the Mariphasa lupina lumina the phosphorescent wolf-flower which blooms by the light of the moon (and not the sun) because no one ever returned alive from the valley where it bloomed (the story was the subject of the 1935 film The Werewolf of London) was walking the streets of London.
He was hoping to locate the whereabouts of the Church of England’s most pre-eminent exorcist the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was currently in London.
Coincidentally enough, the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds was the grandson of the Rev. Father Augustine Bury Saint Edmunds who as a young priest had served as a curate and deacon at an Anglican Church in Llanwelly Wales a village which itself had been haunted by a werewolf (that story was the subject of the 1941 film The Wolfman).
The 119 year old Jesuit was hoping to inform Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds that a Welsh werewolf former British Labour Member of Parliament Magog Rhys Petley who now lived and worked as a private eye in London was going to be sacrificed at Lord L’s Washington DC Super Wolf Blood Moon Party in an effort to make a group of influential bankers and politicians immortal (Ironically enough Magog Rhys Petley had become a werewolf after he was bitten by the severed head of Rahu the Hindu demon of eclipses during a lunar eclipse back in 2011).
And the way the world was being sodomized by all kinds of forces these days- that’s all the poor old Earth needed at the moment- a bunch of crooked bankers and politicians who would live forever.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 18th
2019.
Of Androids and Koalas
Of Androids And Koalas
Pope Francis picked up the phone on this Saturday evening of November 15th 2014 to make another one of his surprise phone calls to ordinary people.
The man he was calling was a journalist and a writer and Francis wished to discuss an article that the man had written.
The man answered the phone but it turned out that the 1939 film Of Mice and Men (based on the novella by John Steinbeck) was on TV and it was just starting and he didn’t want to miss it so he said to Francis, “Some other time, Your Holiness” and hung up the phone.
Francis had to chuckle.
As he put the phone down, it rang again.
Francis picked it up.
It was a Vatican museum curator calling.
Apparently they had just found in one of their hundreds of thousands of crates the actual robotic automaton called Androides that had been invented, built and designed by Saint Albertus Magnus (Saint Albert the Great born 1193? – died 1280) one of the greatest philosophers and scientists of the High Middle Ages.
Most Church historians had just thought the story of Albertus Magnus building the automaton Androides was a medieval legend.
Now it turned out to be true.
Pope Francis then looked at the date on the calendar again.
November 15th.
Albertus Magnus’ automaton creation had been found on the Feast Day of Saint Albertus Magnus.
. . .
American CIA agent Bob Belfor (whose family owned a property restoration business) was in Brisbane Australia at the G-20 Summit.
Belfor was on a rogue operation.
He had been hired to assassinate Russian President Vladimir Putin at the summit.
So now Belfor was outside the place in Brisbane where the Russian leader was staying.
He was using the camera on an iPad tablet to record the event and send it via the Internet to his superiors as it happened.
A koala bear was climbing up the side of the building and carrying a gun at the same time.
“I trained the koala myself,” Belfor spoke into the iPad mic.
Belfor was lying to impress his superiors of course (the koala was really the shapeshifting genetically created half-man half goat satyr serial killer and hired U.S. government assassin Pan Goatee who had shapeshifted into a koala for the occasion).
The koala entered through the window of Putin’s room.
He was immediately kicked out of the room and thrown out the window by the Russian leader’s red headed female cyborg Sophia who was acting as Putin’s bodyguard.
“The best laid plans of mice and men,” Belfor wept as the koala hit the street, “they often go astray.”
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 15th
2014.
Renfield Does A Web Show and Vladimir Putin Gets Blown By A Cyborg
November 27, 2014 at 8:21 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (Amadeus Emanon, Bill Cosby, Camille Cosby, Cyborg Sophia, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen, Flight MH17, Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17, MH17, Mrs. Bill Cosby, Renfield R. Renfield, Russia, Russian President Vladimir Putin, Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva, Sophia, Svetlana Kireeva, The Cyborg Sophia, The Russian FSB Agent Svetlana Kireeva, vampire novel, Vladimir Putin)
Renfield Does A Web Show and Vladimir Putin Gets Blown By A Cyborg
Amdeus Emanon was in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion.
Renfield R. Renfield was in the mansion’s broadcast and recording studio and satellite and computer monitoring room.
Amadeus was on his iPad.
He was watching a web cast show that Renfield was doing live from the broadcast room.
After Renfield discovered that actor Alec Baldwin was doing his own web cast show from the back of a New York City taxicab giving relationship advice to unsuspecting couples, Renfield decided to do his own web cast show in which he interviewed the spouses of well known celebrities.
Amadeus looked at the time.
It looked like Renfield’s very first web cast show with his very first guest was about to start.
. . .
“So,” Renfield beamed at the camera as his guest appeared on the satellite TV screen in the studio, “we’re proud to have as our first guest… Mrs. Bill Cosby. Nice to have you with us today, Camille.”
“Good to be here, Mr. Renfield,” Mrs. Cosby smiled.
“So,” Renfield asked his first question, “what’s it like being the wife of a serial rapist?”.
The interview came to an abrupt end far far sooner than Renfield had anticipated.
. . .
Russian President Vladimir Putin was in his office in the Kremlin getting a blow job from his bodyguard the red-headed female cyborg Sophia.
Putin had been missing his blow jobs for quite a long time recently.
After all being a despotic ruler was quite a strenuous and stressful job.
He used to get good blow jobs from his former bodyguard the Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB.
But back in August of this year, Svetlana Kireeva had been abducted by persons unknown in Munich, Bavaria.
She was now being held in an MI-6 interrogation center in London.
Then a couple of weeks ago, Vladimir Putin received a call on his personal phone from Renfield R. Renfield.
Several years ago, Renfield had been given the Russian built cyborg Sophia as a gift from Vladimir Putin.
Sophia had originally been created back in September 2010 by the former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who now worked for the Russian FSB.
(For background on the creation of the red headed female cyborg Sophia please read:
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/doing-molochs-work.html?m=1
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/sex-and-cyborgs-and-politics.html?m=1
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/renfield-finds-interesting-photo.html?m=1
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/tea-with-renfield-and-dr-nicht.html?m=1
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2010/09/amadeus-meets-sophia.html?m=1
)
In the phone conversation a couple of weeks ago, Renfield said he’d sell back the cyborg Sophia to Putin for the sum of $7 billion U. S.
Putin sighed.
Dr. Nicht Werhoffen was never able to create another cyborg as sexually pleasurable as the red-headed female cyborg Sophia.
And Putin also missed Svetlana Kireeva’s breathtakingly ecstatic Midnight Serenades played so lovingly on his instrument by her delicately sensual and exquisitely luscious red lips.
Putin was also tiring of using a saxophone as a substitute sex doll on his own personal instrument (which he had been doing since August).
So Putin seized the property of some poor snook Russian oligarch whom he suddenly accused of treason and then using the back-door money laundering operations of several major Western banks (to avoid the sanctions the West had imposed on Russia over the war in Ukraine), he
paid the $7 billion to Renfield.
In doing so, Putin was totally oblivious to the fact that it had been Renfield R. Renfield who had abducted Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva from an antique store in Munich, Bavaria in the first place.
And that it had also been Renfield who was the anonymous seller on eBay who had sold Putin some antique Bavarian beer mugs (that the Russian leader had been looking for) back in August.
Renfield had stolen the antique beer mugs from Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva in the first place (she had purchased them for her boss Putin) when he had abducted her from the antique store in Munich Bavaria.
Read all about it here:
http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2014/08/renfield-puts-ad-on-ebay.html?m=1
It was quite a relief to Putin when Sophia arrived in Moscow.
(Renfield had sent Putin the cyborg within 24 hours of receiving the $7 billion U.S. in his personal numbered Swiss bank account).
Putin had positively gorged himself on receiving Sophia’s blow jobs.
Plus Sophia had also saved Putin’s life from a CIA trained koala bear assassin who had tried to assassinate him at the G-20 Summit in Brisbane Australia on the evening of November 15th to 16th of this year (a preliminary investigation of the incident by the Russian FSB had determined that the assassin was a koala bear personally trained by American CIA agent Bob Belfor).
For more on the cyborg Sophia’s saving of Vladimir Putin’s life, read here:
https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/of-androids-and-koalas/
Putin decided to add to his pleasure by putting on a video as Sophia blew him.
The video he put on was an exclusive FSB filmed video (for Putin’s eyes only) of professional Russian Army soldiers serving as “volunteers” in eastern Ukraine using a BUK surface-to-air missile to shoot down Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 back on July 17th 2014.
As the video showed debris falling from the sky and bodies dropping to the ground, Putin came with the full force of Mount Vesuvius erupting in 79 AD.
“Oh, what sweet and joyful ecstasy!” Putin screamed.
Sophia started choking.
That was quite a mouthful for her to swallow.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the period
Friday November 21st
to
Wednesday November 26th
2014.
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