Xi In Kazakhstan
The Greek goddess Hera was in Astana Kazakhstan today.
As was Pope Francis and Communist China’s supreme despot Xi Jinping.
Hera was visiting Astana today because she had heard that Zeus would be attending the Kazakhstani 7th InterFaith Congress.
Zeus was most definitely in Astana (the Kazakh capital currently suffers under the revolting name Nur-Sultan named after a Kazakhstani politician and former President Nursultan Nazarbayev).
(Editor’s Note from Renfield R. Renfield: Due to the efforts of a Calgary based geopolitical analyst and blogger who has been pointing out in his blog posts the past few days that the name Astana reflects good taste while the name Nur-Sultan reflects bad taste , the government of Kazakhstan announced earlier today that it would be changing the Kazakh capital’s name back to Astana).
Zeus was here to chase a beautiful Jordanian princess (a distant cousin of Jordan’s King Abdullah II) who was here in Astana attending the InterFaith Congress on behalf of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan.
After cornering the Jordanian princess and asking her to come back to his palace on Mount Olympus where Zeus told her, “I’ll show you the way I ride my bulls”, the Jordanian princess shouted “Revenge for Ixion!” and kicked Zeus in the groin with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.
As Zeus lay on the ground groaning over his groin, Hera came by and hit Zeus over the head with the world’s largest watermelon that had been sent to the InterFaith Congress as a gift from former U.S. President Barack Obama.
Zeus now lay unconscious in a pool of Neo-Bolshevik red coloured juice while the ghost of Josef Stalin and the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) sang that old Platters hit song “Oh yes I’m the Great Pretender…”
And speaking of pretenders and imposters, Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) had to google Who Was Jesus Christ? prior to giving a speech because the so-called Holy Father had forgotten who He was.
And also in Astana Kazakhstan on this day was Communist China’s paramount leader and all round despotic tyrant Xi Jinping.
Xi’s visit to Astana Kazakhstan on this day was his first trip outside Communist China ever since he had released bat virus from the Wuhan Institute of Virology and had begun the plandemic.
“Unholy bat virus, Batman,” a talking robin spoke as he flew down on top of Xi’s hair and crapped all over him.
An immediate search was underway to find some PH Unbalanced Shampoo to shampoo the robin crap out of Xi’s hair.
A bottle was found in The Homicidal Sasquatch Pub in downtown Astana.
Sitting in the pub was the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg who was talking to the Russian made cyborg sex robot Sophia.
Sophia had been invented by the former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (who now worked for the Russian FSB).
The cyborg sex robot Sophia had made out with Dracul Van Helsing on a roundtable in the Kazakh Palace of Religion in Astana in 2013.
An incident that was recorded in a geopolitical analyst’s blog post back in 2013 (although at that time the geopolitical analyst lived in Vancouver and not Calgary).
“You mean to say,” George Finneganburg quickly downed his beer, “that Dracul Van Helsing came up with a cyborg sex robot before I did? How the Hell am I going to break the news to Akira?”.
Once the robin crap had been washed out of Xi’s hair, he then met with Kazakh government officials.
After his Astana visit, Xi would be flying to the Russian capital of Moscow for a Kremlin summit meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin in order to discuss the war in Ukraine.
As such, Xi had brought along his Supernatural spirit advisor the Black Dragon to Astana and the winged demon serpent covered in charcoal black would also be accompanying Xi to Moscow.
There the Black Dragon would be meeting with Putin’s supernatural advisor “Saint Michael the Archangel” (who was not really Saint Michael the Archangel but was really the demon Moloch posing as the Archangel Michael in an effort to fool the megalomaniacal would-be Deutero-Czar Peter the Great aka Putin).
Kwan Yin the immortal princess (venerated as the Goddess of Mercy in some sects of Buddhism) and her descendant the South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan were keeping tags on Xi in Astana and would be following him to Moscow for his meeting with Putin.
Xi was now attending a state banquet in his honour with Kazakh government leaders in Astana.
Before Xi sat down at the banquet table, a small robotic Paddington Bear (called Paddy O’ Marmalade), who had been invented by Set Enterprises’ scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague, put a combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue down on Xi’s chair.
When Xi sat down, he got hopelessly stuck and couldn’t get up again.
As members of the Kazakh honour guard struggled to get Xi free from the chair that his pants were hopelessly glued to, the Paddington Bear robot named Paddy O’ Marmalade came and threw a Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg laced cream pie in his face.
The cream pie had been specially prepared and baked by Harvey Tallbanger the 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who worked as a secret agent for Set Enterprises.
Between his butt stuck to the chair and his face covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie, Xi did not really look like a great leader.
It was at that moment that the ghost of Winston Churchill (representing the British government) presented Xi with a Winnie the Pooh t-shirt.
Of course Xi could not put it on because of his current predicament.
Just then a holographic image of British MP Renfield R. Renfield appeared and started to sing to the tune of the Beatles song Hey Jude:
“Hey Xi, don’t ask me why
Take a sad song and make it badder
Remember vaccines get under your skin
Changing your DNA
Until you become Transhuman, human, human, human, human,…”
Renfield was broadcasting from the living room of the Set Estate mansion in London, England.
In the background could be heard the sound of Amadeus Emanon opening the door to pick up the Chinese Food delivery they had ordered from a Chinese restaurant.
“Hey Amadeus,” Renfield piped up, “Ask the delivery guy how do you say “Xi Jinping, you are a total loser” in Chinese?”.
Amadeus asked.
And the Chinese Food delivery guy answered adding and ad libbing a few nasty pejoratives of his own.
Renfield spoke in perfect Mandarin (with some Cantonese thrown in for good measure) telling Xi that he was a total loser and throwing in the delivery guy’s added ad libbed nasty pejoratives of his own.
Xi was livid with rage although you couldn’t tell because his face was covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie while his bottom was still being pulled away from the butt locking combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue on his chair.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 14th
2022.
Sophia Catches Her Son At Perverted Party In Kiev
Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic Goddess of Wisdom catches her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun at a perverted party in Kiev rather than fighting in the Greek centaur Chiron’s army of leprechauns and gnomes
Sophia had heard the rumours.
Rather than fighting against invading Russian troops her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was supposedly attending a coming out party of the LGBTQ2s+ community in the City of Kiev hosted by Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelenskiy in celebration of the New World Order that an airheaded Ukrainian woman MP Kira Rudyk said that Ukraine was fighting for.
The demons Baal and Baphomet were present at the LGBTQ2s+ coming out party as freaks, fruits and nuts whose hair was all the colours of the rainbow (plus colours not in the rainbow) gave the appearance of a Liberace and Elton John directed version of the 1968 zombie film Night of The Living Dead.
Ukrainan President Volodymyr Zelenskiy, who had just got into some trouble for releasing a fake news video of the Eiffel Tower in Paris France being attacked by Russian missiles, addressed the crowd, “I understand we’ve got some foreign guests who are here with us virtually on Zoom.”
The crowd cheered.
“How many women from America are here with us today?” Zelenskiy asked.
2/3 of Joe Biden’s deputy cabinet appointees put up their hands as well as some muscle bound ogre who just won the first place gold medal in an NCAA Women’s Swimming Competition in the U.S.
Yaldabaoth, who was busy drinking green beer while Zelenskiy grandstanded in black leather pants and spiked high heeled shoes as holographic images of George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab applauded in the background, was immediately spotted by Sophia.
“I thought you were supposed to be fighting invaders,” Sophia approached him.
“Well…” Yaldabaoth was at a loss for words.
Sophia took Yaldabaoth over her knee and spanked him.
. . .
Meanwhile diplomatic relations between the U.S. and Russia were on the verge of collapse after senile old fool Joe Biden called Russian President Vladimir Putin “a war criminal”.
The ghostly voice of Mortimer Snerd (who was the secondary ventriloquist dummy- after Charlie McCarthy- of American ventriloquist Edgar Bergen) called Biden from Hell (where he was doing a stand-up comedy routine with Cerberus) and told him that it wasn’t smart to call the leader of a nuclear power “a war criminal”.
Russia’s Foreign Ministry had summoned U.S. Ambassador to Moscow John Sullivan to give him a dressing down.
Actor John Cleese (who played Basil Fawlty on the 1970s British sitcom Fawlty Towers) told a member of the British press, “I called Vladimir Putin a war criminal once but I think I got away with it…”
. . .
Meanwhile the demons Baal and Baphomet had left Kiev and had gone to French President Emmanuel Macron’s bedroom to enjoy some champagne cocktails with the Klaus Schwab approved former Global Youth leader.
“We’re looking forward to this Friday,” the half-male, half-female half-human half-goat demon Baphomet told Macron.
“What happens Friday?” Macron asked as he chased an elderly cougar around the bedroom.
“Haven’t you heard?” Baal said as he sampled a Planned Parenthood appetizer from a Paris clinic, “That’s when the demon Pachamama worshipping AntiPope Francis supposedly consecrates Russia and Ukraine to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.”
Baal and Baphomet both roared with laughter as Macron adjusted his toupee.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 21st
2022.
Sophia In The Beautiful City of Venice
Sophia stood on the balcony overlooking the city of Venice and took in the spectacular view of the city’s canals.
She watched as a gondola calling itself Traditionis custodes found itself being swallowed whole by a vicious looking Leviathan who had swam into the Venetian canal from the deepest part of the Mediterranean Sea.
All aboard were lost.
Another gondola calling itself Summorum Pontificum was attacked by the very same evil Leviathan.
A swat across the Leviathan’s snout from the gondolier’s oar sent the evil sea monster (mentioned in Isaiah 27:1 and Job Chapter 41) back to the depths where it belonged.
All aboard were saved.
Apparently the sound of Latin chants prevented the Leviathan from rising from his depths in the abyss below the sea.
Meanwhile in Rome, Pope Francis was delivering yet another self-congratulatory sermon to himself all the while trying to appear modest and humble (and failing miserably!).
Sophia reflected on the current world situation.
A Calgary based geopolitical analyst with his old contacts in Edmonton’s Ukrainian community discovered today that Canada’s Whore of Babylon Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Finance Chrystia Freeland was a Communist. Her mother Halyna Freeland (of Ukrainian dissent) had also been a Communist. They were part of a group of Ukrainians who were stalwart supporters of the old 1917-1922 Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic that had merged with the Belurussian Soviet Socialist Republic, the Transcaucasian Federated Soviet Socialist Republic and the Russian Federated Soviet Socialist Republic to form the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) on December 30th 1922.
In the lying Wikipedia article on her, they claimed the Soviet KGB regarded her as a threat when she was one of the KGB’s greatest assets.
As Foreign Affairs Minister in the Justin “Pedo” Castro Trudeau government, her first act was to destabilize foreign markets for Canadian canola sales for it is a standard strategy of Communists to try to marginalize farmers.
As Minister of Finance, she has never produced a balanced budget for the Canadian federal government because Communists do not believe in being accountable.
Now as Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Finance, the Communist Whore of Babylon using the mechanism of Justin “Pedo” Castro Trudeau’s proclamation of the National Emergencies Act, she is illegally seizing the private property of the working class people of Canada in exactly the same manner Lenin did in the 1920s and Stalin did in the 1930s.
Already in London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was calling for the overthrow of Canada’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist totalitarian government who had now come to power in a coup against the Canadian Constitution.
In Ottawa last night, Ottawa’s Neo-Fascist Police Force had used their horses to run over protestors.
A rider still on his bike was thrown against a horse by a cop high on testosterone but low on ethics and common decency.
It was the thrown bike rider and not the Fascist pig cop who was charged with injuring a police horse.
Senior citizens in walkers were also knocked to the ground by the miscreants who work for the Ottawa Police Service.
The thoughts of Sophia the Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom were interrupted by the appearance of her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun on the balcony.
“So Yaldabaoth are you going to go to Ottawa and overthrow that son of a Fidel?” Sophia inquired.
“No, I might get hurt,” Yaldabaoth answered.
“Where is your courage?” Sophia demanded to know.
Then she took Yaldabaoth over her knee and spanked him.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 18th
2022.
Rome On The Eve of A Transhumanist Future
The cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus sat in a Rome taverna on the eve of a Transhumanist conference at the Vatican.
Brainless “fact checkers” at the Reuters news agency were proclaiming that this conference was only being held at Vatican City, it wasn’t being organized by the Vatican.
The idiots had neglected to check the Vatican’s own news web site where they were busy boasting about organizing the conference.
Instead the Reuters “fact checkers” who couldn’t see much beyond their own navel (or quite possibly their own asshole) were quoting the ADL (Anti-Defamation League) who got their panties in a knot when Mel Gibson made the film The Passion of The Christ and have had their panties in a knot ever since.
Brainless “fact checkers” at Reuters quoting the knotted panties cutting off the blood supply to the brain ADL said that Transhumanists were not planning on merging man with machine.
Both the brainless “fact checkers” at Reuters and the ADL had obviously neglected to read Elon Musk’s latest glowing press release on the subject.
Elon Musk would be most disappointed to hear that there were still people out there who did not read his press releases.
Mephistopheles the Fallen Archangel walked through the door of the Rome taverna.
“Going to attend the Transhumanist Conference at the Vatican tomorrow?” Asmodeus asked.
“I am,” the fallen Archangel nodded.
“Say what world leader is it that you occasionally possess sometimes?” Asmodeus inquired.
“Joe Biden,” Mephistopheles answered.
Asmodeus’ little buddy Nimrod the little green frog held up a sign that read “Let’s go Brandon!” showing the Roman poet Virgil kicking Joe Biden into the flames of the Inferno as Dante watched.
. . .
M. Beast (which stood for Mark of the Beast) was an infernal creature.
He called himself M. Beast because he had delusions of grandeur.
Seeing himself as THE Mark of the Beast.
But really he was a gaslighter.
One who enjoyed gaslighting homeless vulnerable people.
He worked in an agency run by the forces of Voldemort.
And tried to convince the clients he was assigned to help that they were crazy.
Little did M. Beast know that British MP Renfield R. Renfield already had him in his sights.
And Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster already had a vision of M. Beast’s demise in the Set Enterprises’ dungeons.
A slow painful death.
And lots of agonizing screams coming from M. Beast’s mouth.
. . .
Yaldabaoth the Irish Leprechaun had been invited to speak at the Transhumanist Conference at the Vatican.
The topic he was invited to speak on was How Leprechauns Will Fit Into The Future of Transhumanism.
Yaldabaoth had no idea how leprechauns would fit into the future of Transhumanism.
But he heard that the conference would have plenty of free booze flowing so he’d go and speak anyhow.
As he walked up the steps of a Roman piazza while carrying a gargantuan bottle of Tuscan red wine, he ran into his mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of Wisdom.
Yaldabaoth soon found himself the recipient of a good old fashioned spanking from his mother.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 22nd
2021.
Sophia On One Fine Day In 1955
Sophia the Gnostic Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom
Currently lived in Italy
On this date in 1955.
It was a tantalizingly hot day
Steamy, sultry, humid.
Her maid approached her,
“Dr. Carl Gustav Jung is here to see you.”
“The famous Swiss psychoanalyst?”
Sophia wiped her brow
As her maid wrung Sophia’s sweat out of her dress
The heat was suffocating.
“What does Jung want?”
Sophia asked.
“He wants to see your son,”
Her maid answered.
“Yaldabaoth?”
Sophia looked at her maid
Through drips of persperation.
“Yes, he wants to meet the Demi-urge
who created the material physical universe,”
Her maid smiled at Sophia.
“But that’s only what I told people,”
Sophia doused her head into a nearby spring
To wipe away the sweat and perspiration,
“He’s actually an Irish leprechaun
with a serious drinking problem.”
“Well, I guess Dr. Jung is going to find that out for himself,”
Her maid sighed,
“He’s up at the house.”
“My God, no,”
Sophia went running back to her estate in Tuscany.
“What god would that be?”
Her maid asked.
“Ultimately the Unknown God of The Greeks
whose altar bears an inscription in Athens.”
Sophia went back to her house
And opened the door.
There lay her son Yaldabaoth on the floor
Buried under a mass of bottles
of Jameson Irish Whiskey.
He was busy singing,
“Roll out the barrel,
We’ll have a barrel of fun,
Roll out the barrel,
We’ve got the blues on the run…”
“This is he who created the material physical universe?”
Dr. Carl Gustav Jung raised an eyebrow in Sophia’s direction.
“Well… uh…” Sophia was at a loss for words.
“When I look at the state of the world, I tend to believe it,”
Dr. Jung wiped his glasses, rose and left.
“Just wait until you see the world in 2020 and 2021,”
Yaldabaoth called out after Dr. Jung.
“Or so a time travelling gypsy tells me.”
“This is awful,” Sophia looked out the window
As Carl Gustav Jung was driven away in a waiting limo.
“What’s awful is there’s no Jameson left,”
Yaldabaoth looked inside the closet.
“Awful,” Sophia wiped her brow.
Her maid walked up the path
As Dr. Jung’s limo drove by.
Her maid wondered, “Will the doctor see that UFO hovering over the stream?”
-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 4th
2021.
Communist Rag Atlantic Monthly, Pope Francis, Yaldabaoth and Sophia
The innkeeper of Sleepy Hollow’s Rip Van Winkle Inn (who happened to be the former proprietor of the mysterious Hotel California made famous in an Eagles song) was listening to the local Sleepy Hollow radio station on the radio.
The station was playing a quote from the United Kingdom’s most controversial Member of Parliament Renfield R. Renfield.
Said Renfield, “It should come as no surprise that America’s most pretentiously snobbish Communist rag The Atlantic Monthly magazine is doing a hatchet job on those Catholics who think that Joe Biden is a phony Catholic and that Pope Francis is a heretic. The best that the Atlantic Monthly can be used for is as a substitute for toilet paper when you run out.”
The innkeeper who realized that he had indeed run out of toilet paper grabbed the latest issue of The Atlantic Monthly and proceeded to his own private washroom.
When he returned, he said to himself, “I hope I won’t have to call the plumber to unplug that toilet. That Atlantic Monthly really seemed to be full of it.”
He noticed his guest Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun had left his smart phone on top of the inn’s front desk.
There was a photo on it:
“Wow, is she ever hot,” the Innkeeper looked at the pic.
Yaldabaoth came running down the stairs in search of his smart phone.
“Is that a picture of your girlfriend?” The innkeeper asked.
“No, my mother,” Yaldabaoth answered.
“But she doesn’t look a day over 30,” the innkeeper protested.
“Because she’s a goddess,” Yaldabaoth explained, “She’s Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom.”
“Wow, now I know why your name Yaldabaoth sounds so familiar,” a lightbulb went on over the Innkeeper’s head which was a sure indication that the village electrician had restored the Inn’s electricity, “It’s mentioned in some ancient Gnostic texts that Sophia gave birth to Yaldabaoth. But I thought you were supposed to be the Demi-Urge who created the material physical universe.”
“Well, like most mothers, my mother has a tendency to exaggerate about her children,” Yaldabaoth explained, “It was far more impressive sounding to tell people that she had a son who was the Demi-Urge that created the material physical universe than to tell people that she had a son who was a drunken alcoholic leprecaun. People might have been impressed by the leprechaun part but definitely not the drunken alcoholic part.”
“You have a point there,” the Innkeeper admitted.
Indeed Yaldabaoth who had taken off his wee leprechaun hat was sporting a very large bump on his head.
It was caused by the boys of the village of Sleepy Hollow who were using the Headless Horseman’s pumpkin head as a substitute ball in a rather nasty game of Dodgeball.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 22nd
2020.
The Headless Horseman In Pumpkin Country
Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow had been without a head ever since his pumpkin head had been ripped off during the course of a discount sale on pumpkin spice lattes in Ravenna a few weeks ago.
He sat in a cafe in Rome, Italy alongside his black zombie horse Bucephalus Reborn.
Bucephalus was entertaining the customers by singing a song from an old 1950s television show,
“Mr. Ed the talking horse
of course, of course, of course…”
Bucephalus then stopped to add bushels of sugar to his giant cup of tea.
On the radio, a news story was unfolding:
Joseph Cardinal Zen of Hong Kong has called Vatican Secretary of State Pietro Parolin a liar over the Vatican-China Agreement that the Vatican hopes to renew with Communist China by next month.
Said Cardinal Zen, “Parolin knows that he is lying. He knows that I know he is a liar, he knows that I will tell everyone he is a liar…”
The newscaster then said, “We tried to find a politician anywhere in the world who would back up Cardinal Zen’s claim that Cardinal Parolin is a liar.
The only one we could find is British MP Renfield R. Renfield.”
Voice of Renfield: Cardinal Zen is absolutely right. Cardinal Parolin is a liar.
The Headless Horseman then remarked to Bucephalus Reborn, “Pope Francis is not very happy with that Englishman Renfield.”
The horse responded while sipping his tea, “Of course, of course, of course.”
Sophia the Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom then entered the cafe and noticed the Headless Horseman was looking very forlorn without his head attached to his shoulders.
She asked him what was up.
The Headless Horseman then explained the situation.
“Too bad your pumpkin head was ripped off,” Sophia stated sympathetically as she ordered a slice of pumpkin pie from the waiter, “I suppose you’re looking for a new pumpkin to replace it.”
“I am,” the Headless Horseman nodded without a head which was quite an accomplishment in itself.
“I hear the Great Pumpkin of Charlie Brown Peanuts fame is visiting your hometown of Sleepy Hollow tonight,” Sophia licked the whipped cream off her slice of pumpkin pie.
“Too bad I’m thousands of miles from Sleepy Hollow,” the Headless Horseman sighed.
“Of course, of course, of course,” Buchephalus nodded.
Sophia then phoned her son Yaldabaoth the Irish Leprechaun.
Yaldabaoth had recently become united with his pet pterodactyl who had been lost since 1940 when the latter had heard that Benito Mussolini was looking for him.
She asked Yaldabaoth to fly the pterodactyl from Ireland to Rome so that the Headless Horseman could borrow it to fly to Sleepy Hollow.
Yaldabaoth and his pterodactyl managed to land in Rome in a manner of minutes.
The pterodactyl having been spurred on by an ingestion of Uncle Ernie’s Chemical of the Day mailed to him from Australia.
The Headless Horseman and Bucephalus Reborn then boarded the pterodactyl and headed off to Sleepy Hollow in upstate New York.
They were soon in sight of Pumpkin Country around Sleepy Hollow.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 9th
2020.
Sophia Watches Yaldabaoth’s Attempted Coup Against Mussolini
Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom heading towards Il Duce’s residence in Rome where her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was trying to stage a coup d’etat against Mussolini
The year was 1940.
The month was September.
And Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was in Winston Churchill’s underground bunker in London.
Churchill tried to be an amiable host but he was becoming quite alarmed at the amount of his good brandy that the Irish leprechaun was drinking.
“So Michael Collins told you to look me up whenver you were in London?” Churchill offered Yaldabaoth a cigar in hopes that would momentarily stop his fast moving consumption of brandy for a while as the wee leprechaun smoked it.
Michael Collins had been the first Prime Minister of the Irish Free State and he had been assassinated by anti Anglo-Irish Treaty forces on August 22nd 1922.
During the summer of 1921, Michael Collins had gone to London to negotiate a peace treaty ending the Anglo-Irish War.
His British counterpart in the negotiations had been Winston Churchill.
Collins said to Churchill, “I’ve got a complaint. Your British Army once put a price on my head. £1000 for my capture- dead or alive.”
Churchill feigned mock outrage, “You’ve got a complaint? You’ve got a complaint? Let me show you something to complain about.”
Churchill went and got the old Boer War Wanted poster offering anyone £25 for the capture of Winston Churchill Dead Or Alive.
He showed it to Collins.
Said Churchill, “Now there’s something to complain about. I was only worth £25 while you were worth a 1000.”
Collins had to laugh.
After that exchange, the two men became close friends and negotiated a peace treaty.
The treaty was signed on December 6th 1921.
When Yaldabaoth had finished his cigar after Churchill had recounted his meeting with Michael Collins, the leprechaun reached to pour himself another glass of brandy.
Churchill looked glum and said, “I’m ticked.”
Yaldbaoth quickly withdrew his hand from the bottle.
“Why is that?” The leprechaun asked.
“British Intelligence informs me that Mussolini intends to invade Greece in the very near future,” Churchill poured himself another brandy, “There seems to be no end to that bloodthirsty guttersnipe Hitler and his Italian jackal Mussolini spreading their filth all over the soil of Europe.”
Yaldabaoth apologized for his leprechaunish intrusion and left.
He summoned his pet pterodactyl (the leprechaun had no idea where this pterodactyl came from and didn’t bother to ask) and flew to Rome.
He would overthrow Mussolini in a coup d’etat thnking that this would make Churchill happy.
Yaldabaoth retreated to an Italian taverna where he ordered and drank 999 bottles of Italian red wine.
Feeling sufficiently buoyant as a result of all that wine imbibing, Yaldabaoth then went to Il Duce’s palatial residence, crawled up to the top balcony and then gave a speech in which he asked the populace of Italy to rise up and overthrow Mussolini.
Needless to say, the little leprechaun’s speech created a lot of commotion in the Italian capital.
Word of the booze happy little leprechaun’s coup attempt reached the ears of his mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom who was currently living in Rome.
Sophia marched herself down to Il Duce’s residence while being followed by a crowd of happy onlookers.
Sophia wanted to get up to the upper balcony of Il Duce’s residence.
A huge group of male volunteers grabbed a ladder and held it as she crawled up to the upper balcony.
The male ladder holders gazed up totally spellbound as Sophia went up the ladder.
Papal excommunications for publicly masturbating on the spot were widespread that day.
Sophia wagged her finger admonishingly at Yaldabaoth, “Yaldabaoth, put an end to this nonsense. You just don’t have the resources to overthrow Il Duce Benito Mussolini.”
“But,” Yaldabaoth protested, “I drank 999 bottles of red wine in the Contento Bacchus Taverna to say nothing of the multitudinous glasses of brandy I had at Churchill’s London bunker which caused the British Prime Minister to declare another wartime emergency upon my leaving. That should be more than enough resources to topple Mussolini.”
“Yaldabaoth,” Sophia warned, “I know you’re almost 2000 years old but that doesn’t mean you’re still too old to spank.”
Yaldaboth continued with his speech.
Whereupon Sophia took Yaldabaoth over her knee and spanked him.
As Sophia went down the ladder carrying the errant leprechaun and his glowing rosy red bottom, a group of male ladder holders at the bottom of the ladder started shouting, “Now spank me”, “Me too” and “Me as well, please”.
At the Potsdam Conference in 1945, a constipated and dour looking Soviet dictator Josef Stalin demanded that the wee Irish leprechaun’s coup attempt against Mussolini be erased from the history books.
And so it was.
Until 80 years to the day later, it is now being told for the first time.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 20th
2020.
Yaldabaoth, Dracul, Sophia and The Brave New World
Yaldabaoth, Dracul, Sophia and The Brave New World
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was discussing with his former employer (and current landlord) the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set the curious political situation unfolding in Canada.
The Justin Trudeau Liberals had introduced into the House of Commons in Ottawa today an $82 billion bailout package to help the Canadian economy cope with the financial and economic fallout from the Covid-19 Coronavirus pandemic.
But included in the bill was emergency Financial Powers legislation that would grant Canadian Finance Minister Bill Morneau (or whoever was named Canada’s Finance Minister) power to raise or lower taxes as well as abolish taxes or establish new taxes until December 2021 without having to seek the approval of Parliament first.
Ignoring Patrick Henry’s statement that “Taxation without representation is tyranny” and George III’s desire to do just that to the American colonies led to the American Revolution.
The leaders of both major Opposition parties in the Canadian House of Commons- Federal Conservative leader Andrew Scheer and Federal New Democratic Party leader Jagmeet Singh while approving of the $82 billion aid package for Canadians did not approve of the Federal Financial powers legislation that would give the Federal Finance Minister carte blanche to rule the Canadian economy by dictatorial fiat.
Therefore they threatened to defeat the bill and being a minority government, the Trudeau Liberals were forced to withdraw it.
However the Trudeau ass kissing sycophants in most of the mainstream Canadian media such as CBC, CTV and Canadian Global News were presenting the news story in such a way as to give Canadian TV news viewers the idea that the Federal Conservatives and the Federal New Democrats were being heartless in wanting to hold up a $82 billion financial aid package that would help ordinary Canadians who were being laid off and losing their income in such extraordinary times.
But the trouble lay with the sneaky and underhanded Canadian Federal Liberals (who had always been sneaky and underhanded ever since the days of Prime Minister William Lyon MacKenzie King – a Canadian Liberal Prime Minister in the 1920s, ’30s and ’40s) who were trying to sneak in dictatorial powers to Canada’s finance minister which were an affront to representative democracy.
But the Canadian media just went along with the dystopian brave new world the Trudeau Liberals were hoping to create.
Today the Canadian government started running ads featuring Dr. Theresa Tam Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer telling Canadians the simple measures they could take to help prevent the spread of the Coronavirus.
Normally Government of Canada ads for the past 40 years always ended with a professional announcer saying “Brought to you by the Government of Canada”.
Today a Calgary based geopolitical analyst friend of Renfield clearly heard Justin Trudeau’s voice at the end of the ad saying, “Brought to you by the Government of Canada.”
So Justin was now becoming the voice of an Orwellian Big Brother in Canadian government advertising.
A Canadian Goebbels doing his own voice narration in the midst of a dystopian apocalyptic disaster film reality TV show.
As Renfield remarked to Set, “This pandemic will finally see totalitarian despots who have been in the closet finally coming out of the closet as the rest of the population are told to stay in their homes.”
. . .
Donald Trump meanwhile was telling a Trump ass kissing sycophant from Fox News that he hoped to see every American business establishment currently closed finally open for business by Easter.
“In other words, an American resurrection,” the Trump ass kissing sycophant from Fox News beamed like a moron in ecstasy on Ecstasy.
“Doesn’t that mean an American Crucifixion will have to happen first?” Thought Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun who was currently residing in a rustic country farm house in the American state of Vermont and watching the interview on television.
. . .
Meanwhile Yaldabaoth’s mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian gnostic goddess of wisdom was standing on a rustic country road in southern Italy.
“Ciao, bella,” Dracul Van Helsing greeted her.
“Dracul,” Sophia was shocked, “Aren’t you ignoring what the WHO has to say about social distancing?”.
“I apologize,” Dracul answered, “That was a spontaneous reaction to when I first saw you just now. If Justin Trudeau finds out about this, he’ll be painting his face to look like mine.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 24th
2020.
A Julian Calendar Christmas Day In Mar-a-Lago
A Julian Calendar Christmas Day In Mar-a-Lago
Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun sat reading the book The Guns of August by historian Barbara W. Tuchman as he was sitting in the lobby of the Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida.
It was a book recommended to him by his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.
He had watched an interview last night on BBC America of a BBC World News interview between anchorwoman Geeta Guru-Murthy and his friend Renfield.
Yaldabaoth had text messaged Renfield asking if there were any good books he could read which could enlighten him to the current world situation vis-a-vis Iran and the U.S.
Renfield had replied recommending Tuchman’s book The Guns of August as it could serve as an historical antecedent to the current world situation.
Yaldabaoth’s mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom would soon be joining him for dinner.
Meanwhile up at the lobby desk, a very beautiful and very sexy (in Yaldabaoth’s opinion) woman who called herself Dolly Castro was talking to the resort manager.
“Yes, I sent the President a photo of yourself and also what you’re currently wearing and he says he’s very ready to meet you,” the manager said, “but before he invites you to the White House for a one-on-one meeting, he wants to know, since you have the last name of Castro, if you’re at all related to an infamous Castro. ”
The woman frowned.
“So,” the manager asked, paraphrasing Sen. Joe McCarthy, “Are you now or have you ever been related to Julian Castro?”.
Julian Castro was a former candidate for the U.S. Democratic Party Presidential nomination who had recently withdrawn from the race.
He had also served in Barack Obama’s cabinet as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.
“No,” Dolly Castro smiled, “I’m not. Nor have I ever been.”
“All right,” the manager smiled, “he’s officially invited you to the White House then. I understand you have a gift you’re bringing him?”.
“Yes,” Dolly smiled, “It’s a new type of Australian harmonica. Invented by a notable Australian eccentric named Uncle Ernie.”
. . .
In the resort’s main dining room, Sophia was discussing with Yaldabaoth a woman named Bella Dodd whom she had met in the U.S. back in the 1950s.
Bella Dodd had been a member of the American Communist Party back in the 1930s and 1940s.
She had converted back to Roman Catholicism in the early 1950s (she had been Catholic in her childhood and her youth) after taking classes from then Monsignor Fulton J. Sheen (a notable Roman Catholic preacher on both radio and television).
Bella Dodd had told Sheen about how she had been given an assignment by Joseph Stalin himself back in the 1930s.
Stalin had a plan to destroy the Catholic Church by getting Communists to infiltrate their seminaries and becoming priests and eventually bishops and hopefully even Cardinals.
Dodd was asked to recruit Communist men for Catholic seminaries in the U.S.
She was told by her Soviet handler to get men who were not only Communist but homosexual as well since men with those sexual proclivities had been found to be very useful to the Communist cause in terms of infiltration and espionage.
Seeing as how Bella Dodd was an extremely attractive woman when she was younger, she should have no trouble determining which potential recruits were indeed homosexual.
A lot of Dodd’s recruits were ordained by Francis Spellman who was Archbishop of New York from 1939 until his death in 1967.
Spellman who was homosexual himself (although not a Communist) needless to say showed a surprising affection for Dodd’s recruits (although he did not know they were Dodd’s recruits).
From Spellman’s patronage, a lot of these homosexual recruits formed a sort of Spellman Apostolic Succession in the U.S. Catholic Church becoming leading priests, bishops and cardinals.
The successors of Spellman’s pink affections for closet reds make up a large proportion of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops today.
A lot of these original Dodd recruits and the men they recruited had sexual proclivities not only gay but in particular a hankering for altar boys and young seminarians.
The most notorious of which was the Communist homosexual Theodore (ex-Cardinal) McCarrick who negotiated the pact signed between the Vatican and Xi’s Communist China that sold out the Underground Catholic Church in China telling those worshippers to place themselves under Xi’s state controlled church.
In addition to selling out China’s underground Catholics, McCarrick also buggered several altar boys and seminarians during the course of his long undistinguished ecclesiastical career.
McCarrick, who had been under Pope Francis’ personal protection, was only finally reprimanded and laicized when his crimes became public.
Of course if you’re a devout Chinese Catholic woman, you’ll earn yourself a very violent slap on the hand from Pope Francis right in public if you wish to discuss the persecution (that Catholics in China are still facing) with the pontiff while you’re waiting in a public audience line.
The next day the so-called Successor of Peter would mention how abhorrent violence against women is.
Yet another example of the Neo-Bolshevik Francis’ “do as I say not as I do” attitude.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 7th
2020.
Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic Goddess of Wisdom had many men ogling her when she visited New York City in the early 1950s.
Save of course for New York’s Francis Cardinal Spellman who was ogling the man directly behind her.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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