A Night At The Observatory

October 5, 2015 at 7:48 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Religion, Science, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

A Night At The Observatory

At the Palomar Astronomical Observatory in Southern California, astronomer Dr. Balthasar Tannenbaum was looking through one of the telescopes.

He suddenly stopped in his tracks when he noticed something unusual flying through the heavens.

The object looked like images one saw of UFOs.

Yet the object was as clear as day (or at least as clear as this night was) .

There also seemed to be lights flashing on the UFO.

Dr. Balthasar Tannenbaum, who had a background in U.S. Naval Intelligence, recognized the pattern in the flashing of the lights as a type of Morse code.

He quickly grabbed a pencil and paper and jotted down the message sent to him by the UFO in deep space.

When he had finished, the message read, ADONAI Was Not Who He Claimed To Be.

Adonai?

Dr. Balthasar Tannenbaum bit the eraser at the end of his pencil.

Wasn’t that one of the Hebrew names for God? he asked himself.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 4th
2015.

Advertisements

Permalink 22 Comments

On A Desert Night North of Palm Springs: A Poem

April 17, 2015 at 8:25 pm (Life, Personal essays, Poetry, Travel) (, , , , , , , , , )

On A Desert Night North of Palm Springs: A Poem

It was on a still and tranquil desert night
underneath canopy of stars shining bright
that we rode an old fashioned mule train up into the hills
the night was warm and devoid of chills
along the San Andreas fault the trail ran
a long narrow crack along desert sand
It was frightening to see above ground this famous fault that for Southern California could spell such woe
if the earth plates choose to massively shift and let chaos go
But San Andreas would show no signs of rage tonight
as desert sunset merged with evening twilight
The mules pulled us up to the dinner tent
with our burro friends it was time well spent
and now to our meals our little tour group would go
and mirth and good conversation would bubble and flow
The singer with guitar went from table to table and sang sweet melody
on the backdrop of starlit evening desert so far from the sea
Our table was the last to which he did come
you’d think he’d be tired but with his magical guitar his fingers did strum
and when it looked like he had finished his play
my father smiled, did turn to him and say
You remind me of a singer I listened to on the radio as a boy
whose voice and his songs filled my parents’ house with joy
Jimmie Rodgers was his name
of country music fame
for there was a later Jimmie Rodgers who a couple of decades later also sang
as the clock marking the decade of the ’50s rang.
The singer stopped putting his guitar back into his case
he stopped and looked at my father’s face
Said he, that’s quite the supreme compliment to have compared me to either one
He once again played his guitar, the music had not stopped but only begun
And the music to our small table the singer continued to play
And the songs echoed over desert and hills to places far way.

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday April 17th 2015.

-inspired by a magical night spent with my dad and our tour group on a desert hill just north of Palm Springs, California back in January 1997.

Permalink 5 Comments

Renfield Catches A Los Angeles Newscast On Satellite TV

August 8, 2014 at 3:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Catches A Los Angeles Newscast On Satellite TV

Renfield R. Renfield was in the Bavarian city of Munich.

He was in Munich because he had heard that the Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the Russian FSB was in the city to buy some antique Bavarian beer mugs to add to her boss Russian President Vladimir Putin’s collection .

Apparently the Russian leader liked to drink his Russian tea with lemon in it out of authentic Bavarian beer mugs (in contrast to a predecessor Russian President Boris Yeltsin who drank Russian vodka out of Russian tea cups while addressing the nation on national television).

Entire samovars were emptied just to fill one of the Russian leader’s large Bavarian beer mugs with tea.

The rest of the Russian cabinet meeting in the Kremlin meeting room had to wait for the samovar to be filled and the water brought to a boil again to have their cups filled with tea.

Renfield was going to abduct the Russian Vampiress while she was out hunting for Bavarian beer mugs.

Renfield happened to have satellite TV in his Munich hotel room.

He looked at his watch and noted the 10 PM Evening News was probably about to start in the Los Angeles California time zone.

Renfield liked watching the 10 PM Local Evening News from Los Angeles because they always had such totally different lead news stories from anywhere else on the planet.

Renfield turned on the TV.

The TV showed a street at night.

A small boy was riding a tricycle on the sidewalk.

Suddenly both boy and tricycle were caught in a flood of car head beams and flashing lights and the sound of police sirens could also be heard.

Commanding authoritative male voice (speaking through bullhorn megaphone) : Step away from the tricycle and place your hands in the air.

The boy-about 3 or 4 years of age- blinks quizzically in the direction of the head beam lights and says “Huh?”.

Suddenly a hail of bullets and gunfire breaks out and the boy’s white shirt turns blood red and the boy falls backwards off his tricycle and falls to the ground dead.

Voice of TV News Announcer: The police shooting video posted online that has sparked outrage among users of social media…

… coming up on KTLA Channel 5 News at 10…

( The KTLA Channel 5 News at 10 logo is then show on the TV screen)

Renfield (scratching his chin) : Hm. That’s interesting.

He shuts the TV off and heads out of the room to begin his assignment.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 8th
2014.

Permalink 2 Comments

In The Heat of The Night: A Poem

July 15, 2014 at 7:28 pm (Detective story, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

In The Heat of The Night: A Poem

Memories of Raymond Chandler’s Philip Marlowe stories come flooding through my mind
as floods of perspiration fall from my forehead
As a kid I was enthralled reading of Marlowe’s exploits on those hot humid Los Angeles nights
when the City came to a halt in the all encompassing heat
and the only thing that moved were criminals up to no good
and Marlowe who set out to stop them.
The alluring femme fatale standing in the doorway of Marlowe’s office
as the fan worked overtime to keep Marlowe cool
from the heat being generated from the humidity outside
and the heat being generated from the woman in the doorway.
A sip of bourbon
the cool taste of a menthol cigarette brushing the lips
such handy implements meant to lower the temperature.
Such were the stories I read of Marlowe in the Los Angeles of the 1930s and ’40s.
The California West Coast sweltering in unbearable heat.
As the British Columbia West Coast swelters in unbearable heat
and Vancouver cooks like a hot pot unattended on the stove
I perspire and seek the coolness of a lounge with first-rate air conditioning
and think of that metropolis far to the south
where Marlowe once walked the streets.
And then I think “but Marlowe wasn’t a real person”.
It says a lot about Chandler, his words and his writing
that his creation casts a long shadow
and seems to take the form of a real ghost
on those hot summer nights when the mercury soars upward like a rocket
and the perspiration falls like a waterfall
when the fan on the ceiling becomes a knight in shining armour
and damsels in distress flock to the office
where the bottle of bourbon is on the desk
and the cigarette smoke rises
to catch the reflection of the shining neon light outside.

-A poem written
by Christopher
Tuesday July 15th
2014.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Nero Wilson On The Arsenio Hall Show

May 30, 2014 at 6:18 pm (Entertainment, Music, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Nero Wilson On The Arsenio Hall Show

Nero Wilson was getting a haircut in a Los Angeles barber shop so he’d look more like his hero the Roman Emperor Nero when he performed with his band Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers on The Arsenio Hall Show tonight.

Nero Wilson’s cousin Charlie Wilson (whose band stage name was Bud Lou) the band’s electrical guitarist was standing in line in a Los Angeles gun store hoping to buy himself a gun.

The reason why Charlie Wilson was buying himself a gun was because Sekhmet the band’s female singer was going to wear an authentic ET gray’s laser death ray gun inside her belt for the band’s appearance on The Arsenio Hall Show tonight.

So Charlie Wilson thought he’d wear a good old authentic American handgun inside his belt for their appearance.

The trouble was as Charlie Wilson was standing in line inside the gun store, he was complaining to everyone in line that here he was a rock ‘n roll musician and he was still a virgin.

As soon as the gun store owner heard that, he immediately denied Charlie Wilson permission to buy a gun when the electrical guitarist came up to the till because being a virgin, the man was obviously mentally ill.

The gun store owner didn’t want to be held responsible for another Elliot Rodger style incident like the recent Isla Vista killings at Santa Barbara.

Not that the gun store owner was concerned about loss of life (if he was concerned about loss of life, he wouldn’t be in this business). He was more worried about potential lawsuits from potential victims’ families for selling a gun to a mentally ill person… like a virgin (to quote a Madonna song title).

So Charlie Wilson left the store a dejected man.

He wasn’t able to get laid.

And he wasn’t able to get a gun.

Later Charlie Wilson’s younger brother Dave Wilson (whose band stage name was Abbott Costello) the band’s drummer arrived in the same gun store later to buy himself a gun.

If Sekhmet was going to wear an authentic ET gray’s laser death ray gun in her belt during the performance on The Arsenio Hall Show, then he was going to wear an authentic American hand gun tied to a pony tail on his long heavy metal headbanger style hair.

As Dave Wilson stood in line inside the gun store, he boasted to everyone in line about his numerous sexual conquests as a drummer in a rock and roll band.

The gun store owner took note of Dave.

Nothing mentally ill about that guy he thought to himself.

In fact the man seemed to represent the personification of the apotheosis of the American (wet) Dream.

When Dave reached the till, the gun store owner sold him enough guns and ammunition to have lasted an entire division of the U.S. Army a whole year at the height of the Afghan War.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield sat at the back of the theatre during this night’s filming of The Arsenio Hall Show.

As soon as the show’s host Arsenio Hall introduced Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers and the band started playing, then Renfield R. Renfield the world’s first and only genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human would shapeshift into a hamster and run up on stage and crawl up Sekhmet’s lovely black silk nylon clad leg and then remove the authentic ET gray’s laser death ray gun from her belt and then run off stage heading straight for the exit door.

Arsenio Hall spoke, “And now ladies and gentlemen… here they are… the band who’s currently playing at The Tropicana Nightclub in downtown Los Angeles… Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers…”

The audience started applauding as the band burst into a rendition of their hit song I’ll Give You The Moon If You Give Me The Finger In This Traffic Jam.

Nero Wilson was wearing a Roman toga around his body, leather sandals on his feet and a laurel wreath in his hair as he played the electric violin.

Charlie Wilson was wearing a t- shirt with Mr. Bean’s picture on it and some purple and gold plaid pants and some yellow sneakers as he played the electric guitar.

Sekhmet was wearing a fringe skirted lion’s skin mini dress, black silk pantyhose and gold spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes as she sang, “You better watch out ’cause I’m lifting my skirt. I’ll give you the moon if you give me the finger in this traffic jam…”

Around her waist she wore a belt with Egyptian hieroglyphs on it.

And of course inside her belt was tucked the authentic ET gray’s laser death ray gun.

Dave Wilson the drummer was wearing a black shirt, black pants and black shoes as he played the drums.

His long hair was tied in a pony tail.

Attached to the pony tail was a 44 Magnum.

Suddenly women in the audience started jumping up and down and screaming “Mouse! Mouse! There’s a mouse in the house!”.

A nerdy looking bookish type guy with glasses ( who had also been denied a gun permit that afternoon) said, “Actually, I think it’s a hamster.”

The hamster started crawling up one of Sekhmet’s sexy and shapely black silk nylon clad legs.

“Oh God, that feels good,” Sekhmet moaned.

Nero Wilson stopped playing the electric violin and turned to her saying, “I don’t recall those lyrics being in the song.”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Sekhmet shrieked ecstatically as she leaned backwards on to the floor and lifted her already short short skirt.

“Good Lord, she’s outgaga-ing Lady Gaga,” Arsenio Hall spewed Gatorade out of his mouth and all over one of the cameras as he spoke.

The hamster grabbed the ET gray’s laser death ray gun out of her Egyptian hieroglyph belt and then ran straight through her legs.

The gun went off.

But fortunately it was just on the Shock mode and not the Kill mode.

“The mother ship of all orgasms,” Sekhmet shouted in delight about the out-of-this-world experience she just had.

The hamster flashed the happiest hamster face of all time at the camera and then ran out of the theatre.

At that point, Charlie Wilson’s smart phone went off.

It was a text message coming in from the bully of his old high school graduating class back home in Cleveland, “What a loser you are, Charlie. There you are out on the West Coast in California and even a hamster is able to score before you do.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 30th
2014.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Renfield Recalls Conversation With Sekhmet

May 28, 2014 at 4:20 pm (Entertainment, Music, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Recalls Conversation With Sekhmet

As Renfield swam in the hotel swimming pool, he recalled the conversation he had last Saturday night with Sekhmet the lead female singer for the band Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers after their on-stage performance at The Tropicana Nightclub.

During the performance he had looked around for any sign of the ET gray but couldn’t spot any.

After the show he went backstage and ended up talking to Sekhmet.

Renfield was still dressed in blackface having performed an impromptu Al Jolson minstrel show performance in a Chinese restaurant earlier that evening much to the horror of embattled Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling.

So Sekhmet naturally mistook him for an Afro-American and Renfield played along speaking in an American Deep South southern accent.

Renfield told her that his name was Merlin Houdini Johnson and that he was the shortest player on the entire Los Angeles Clippers basketball team.

Renfield said how much he enjoyed their performance and particularly her outfit.

Sekhmet said that she’d be wearing the same outfit when they performed on The Arsenio Hall Show a few days hence.

Renfield said that he really loved her fringe skirted lion mini dress and her belt with Egyptian hieroglyphs on it.

What would really give the finishing touches to her outfit, Renfield suggested, would be if she could get her hands on a genuine ET gray’s laser death ray gun and put it inside her belt while she sang.

The resulting fashion ensemble would be an out-of-this-world experience and would make the Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers performance on The Arsenio Hall Show the most talked about performance in television history ever since The Beatles first performed on The Ed Sullivan Show back in February 1964.

Sekhmet blew an eyelash when Renfield spoke these words.

As a matter of fact, Sekhmet said, as she adjusted her dress and her belt, she did know how to get her hands on a genuine ET gray’s laser death ray gun.

Splendid, splendid, Renfield temporarily reverted back to his British accent, then he’d look forward to seeing her on The Arsenio Hall Show.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 28th
2014.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Renfield In Southern California

May 26, 2014 at 6:49 pm (Entertainment, Music, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield In Southern California

“A young woman’s buttocks are still stinging after a drive-by spanking that occurred at a street corner in West Hollywood last night…”

Renfield turned off the alarm clock radio in his hotel room.

Yes, he was definitely in Southern California all right.

Southern California would be the only place on Earth where such a news story would happen.

. . .

Renfield contacted an entertainment reporter he knew at KTLA Channel 5 News in Los Angeles for the scoop on Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers.

He had deduced from stories on the Internet that this band knew the whereabouts of the ET gray who crashed his UFO in the desert near Mesa, Arizona.

He learned they were playing at The Tropicana Nightclub in downtown Los Angeles.

Renfield would attend their concert tonight.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield passed a shoe shine stand as he walked along the street.

That was interesting, Renfield thought to himself.

He had often seen shoe shine stands in old classic American movies from the ’30s, ’40s, ’50s and ’60s.

He didn’t know they still existed.

Renfield continued walking in what he presumed was the direction of The Tropicana Nightclub.

He happened to pass a Chinese restaurant where he noticed that embattled Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling was sitting and complaining in a loud voice, “Why are there so many Asians in this place?”.

This gave Renfield an idea.

He still had an hour to kill before the Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers concert at The Tropicana.

He returned to the shoe shine stand where he bought some black shoe polish from the shoe shine boy.

He then borrowed a compact mirror from a woman wearing a sexy Halloween nurse’s outfit who said her name was Akira and she was trying to find her way to West Hollywood.

Renfield replied in his British accent that he was a stranger in Los Angeles and had no idea where West Hollywood was located.

As Akira held the compact mirror for him, Renfield applied the black shoe polish to his face, neck, arms and hands.

He borrowed some rouge lipstick from her and made his lips much bigger.

He soon looked like a blackface Al Jolson about to perform in one of those minstrel shows from the 1920s.

He thanked Akira for the use of the red lipstick and the compact mirror and continued walking down the street.

He then went into the Chinese restaurant where Donald Sterling was sitting.

Upon entering the restaurant and helping himself to both a top hat and walking stick from the coat check, Renfield immediately burst into a rendition of that old Al Jolson song Mammy.

He sang (mixing up the lyrics of the two old Al Jolson songs Mammy and Swanee), “Mammy, how I love ya. How I love ya.”

He then went up to Donald Sterling and gave him a kiss on the lips.

As Renfield left the restaurant and continued down the street, he could hear the restaurant’s doorman shouting up and down the street, “Paging an ambulance for Mr. Sterling. Ambulance for Mr. Sterling.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 24th
2014.

Permalink Leave a Comment