Semiramis’ Early Valentine’s Day Present For Dracul While Andrew Cuomo Sacrifices A Pig To Greek God Zeus For Chinese New Year

February 5, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, Mythology, News, Politics, Spy Tales, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Semiramis: “Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr. Van Helsing.”

“But it isn’t quite Valentine’s Day yet,” Van Helsing looked at his Latin sun dial wrist watch (which didn’t work quite so well at night) as he addressed the immortal Queen of Babylon.

“But it is Chinese New Year,” Semiramis smiled, “so I thought we’d take the Persian magic flying carpet that the ghost of Orson Welles left behind in the hotel and use it to fly to your old home town of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada and have dinner at the Blue Willow Restaurant there at your favourite table alongside the statue of Kwan Yin the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy.”

“Or,” Dracul joked, “we could order take out from Lydo Chinese Food.”

He recounted their TV commercial musical song jingle from his childhood, “4-2-6- 5-0-5-0 (their phone number- Editor’s Note), if you’re hungry call the Lydo… now. Free delivery.”

“Van Helsing, shut up,” Semiramis commanded in a spanking dominatrix tone of voice that turned Dracul on.

. . .

Meanwhile in Washington DC, Donald Trump was giving his State of The (Dis)Union Address as the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln, Jefferson Davis, Robert E. Lee and Ulysses S. Grant watched from the public gallery.

It was deja vu all over again for the quartet.

. . .

In Beijing China, the Black Dragon had arranged for a Lunar New Year celebration for Chinese leader Xi Jinping.

A wild boar with an Apple iPhone in its mouth along with a real apple was brought in on a silver platter.

The wild boar was dressed in the Stars and Stripes of the American flag and the apple (fruit not iPhone) had a miniature Canadian flag on a toothpick along with a marijuana cigarette sticking out of it.

. . .

In the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine in New York City, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was sacrificing a live Vietnamese pot bellied pig to a statue of the Greek god Zeus that had been placed in the Lady Chapel.

Horrified looking holographic images of Miss Piggy and Kermit the frog (projected by the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland) looked on in horror.

“Kermit, do something,” Miss Piggy shrieked.

“What can I do?” Kermit answered as he ate flies from a can of sardines whose expiry date had long since expired, “It ain’t easy being green.”

. . .


Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom stood alongside a marble bust of Pan the Greek satyr nature god (her one time lover) and addressed the ghost of Orson Welles.

“Do you know how my son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun is celebrating Chinese New Year in Ireland?” Sophia remarked, “Drunk under several pints of Guinness and a pot of gold.”

“I should have done the same,” Welles’ ghost remarked while suffering an acute case of spectral ectoplasmic indigestion after having ordered the Hungry Ghost Plate Special at Ho Ho’s Chinese Food in the Hub Mall of Edmonton’s University of Alberta campus while a marriage proposal was happening in front of the express food concession stand.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 5th
2019.

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Dracula and Sherrielock Holmes Meet Again

January 30, 2018 at 9:04 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Dracula and Sherrielock Holmes Meet Again

Dracula stood alongside the statue of Queen Boudicca (the queen of the Celtic Iceni tribe who led an uprising in 1st Century AD Roman Britain) near Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament.

He had turned down Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s offer to stay at the Rocher home when he found out that the Set Enterprises scientist was the great grandson of Sherrielock Holmes (the woman who had been called the Dominatrix of the Wild West back in the American west of the 1880s and was now called the Dominatrix of Europe in the 2nd decade of the 21st Century).

Dracula stood looking up at the blue moon in the London night sky.

He had his hands behind his back which was a stupid thing to do in retrospect.

Suddenly he found an extremely sharp stinging object around his hands which quickly tied them.

“When part of you is tied, you can’t turn yourself into a bat 🦇 or wolf 🐺 and try to escape,” said a familiar stern sounding voice.

Dracula quickly whirled around with his hands still tied behind his back.

He quickly discovered that what tied his hands was a long black whip.

And standing there was a familiar figure- Sherrielock Holmes.

She was dressed in a black leather mini skirt, black silk fishnet pantyhose and spiked stiletto boots.

Somewhat different from the attire she wore when he last saw her when she wore long elegant evening gowns as proprietress of The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon in the town of Hayden Colorado.

“I want you to come to my dungeon where I’ll show you my etchings,” said Sherrielock, “that I’ll carve with my whip into your backside.”

Later in Sherrielock’s dungeon the Count begged, “Please don’t. I don’t like tomatoed buns.”

“But they’re such a delicacy,” Sherrielock laughed as she cracked the whip across the vampire’s naked backside.

The dungeon masked the screams of the Wallachian prince and Transylvanian nobleman.

So London slept undisturbed by Sherrielock’s act of revenge.

Meanwhile in the U.S. Congress in Washington D.C., Donald Trump was giving the State of the Union Address.

And sitting in the front row of the public gallery was a woman named Katherine Van Dusen known to her close confidantes as Klondike Kate (the woman that Dracula had turned into a vampiress when she worked as a saloon dancer 💃🏻 for Sherrielock Holmes at The Wild Tomatoes and Mushroom Saloon).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 30th
2018.

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