Supreme Idiot Justin Trudeau and The Blackface Affair: Once Was Not Enough

September 19, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Supreme Idiot Justin Trudeau and The Blackface Affair: Once Was Not Enough

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was on the phone talking to his good friend the Chinese Communist vampiress and intelligence operative Mei-ling Manchu.

“So, you mean to say, Mei-ling,” Renfield had himself another shot of Old Taylor bourbon, “that it was you who leaked that old school yearbook photo of Justin Trudeau dressed in brown face at the school Arabian Nights Theme Party to TIME Magazine?”.

“It was,” Mei-ling painted her nails with a crocodile’s tooth dipped in Canadian business men’s blood red coloured nail polish, “we also leaked two other photos today. One was a photo of him in High School dressed up to look like Harry Belafonte and committing musical homicide on the song Day-o. That one he admitted to. The other was a photo he had forgotten about where he was dressed up as what the 1980s Thriller era Michael Jackson would have looked like if the 1980s Thriller era Michael Jackson had actually looked black instead of white.”

“Gives a whole new meaning to Vincent Price’s spoken words “Darkness falls across the land”,” Renfield had to admit.

“The midnight hour is close at hand,” Mei-ling turned over her blood red sands filled hour glass, “anyways we’ve got a bunch of other photos of him dressed in blackface which we plan to release in the next few days.”

“Justin has said he’s now forgotten the amount of times he might have put on blackface,” Renfield noted.

“He could blame it on smoking marijuana but then he told the media he only smoked marijuana once,” Mei-ling started putting on black widow spider’s black poison on her eyelashes as mascara.

“And his pot smoking cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever is now no more,” Renfield helped himself to some strawberries and whipped cream.

“Yes and our People’s Republic Ministry of State Security operatives are currently scouring the Australian countryside in search of Strawberry Fields Forever’s two twin cactus clippings children,” Mei-ling ate a fried kangaroo’s leg sandwich.

“Why does the Chinese Communist Party have it in for Justin Trudeau?” Renfield ate some frogs’ legs.

“Because that weasel refuses to release Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou from Canadian soil,” Mei-ling started eating some weasel pie.

“I guess this is what happens to Justin for spreading his derrière across both sides of the U.S. political spectrum,” Renfield ate his peanut butter and jam sandwich, “First he’s Barack Obama’s ‘bitch’ one minute. And then he’s Donald Trump’s ‘bitch’ the next.”

“Just wait until we release the photos of him dressed as Charlie Chan the Chinese detective (always played by Caucasians) movie character of the 1930s and 1940s,” Mei-ling ate her San Francisco chop suey and drank her Hawaiian coconut milk.

“Justin once played Inspector Charlie Chan?” Renfield was shocked.

“He did,” Mei-ling fanned her breasts with the severed fingers of Harvey Weinstein’s lesser known twin brother.

“I thought for someone like Justin, it would be more appropriate if he played the role of Number Two son,” Renfield mused aloud.

. . .

Justin Trudeau showed up at the media scrummage dressed in blackface and tearfully admitted, “I can’t remember how many times I’ve dressed in blackface.”

“Why are you dressed in blackface now?” A reporter asked.

“I don’t find that remark very funny,” Justin commented as the charcoal watered down his face like Niagara Falls.

When an aide signalled to Justin that the reporter was in fact correct, the Canadian Prime Minister screamed for a mirror to be brought to him.

Grabbing the mirror and seeing his own reflection, Justin remarked, “Oh shit. My wife Sophie was correct when she told me that I had put on way too much makeup this evening.”

. . .

Down at the Canadian Federal Liberal Party headquarters in Ottawa, a member of the National Liberal Party Executive was telephoning world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (the quite literally immortal lesser known twin sister of Sherlock Holmes) and asking her if she could come to Canada and tomato Justin Trudeau’s buttocks in an effort to stop him from coming across as a fool and having bimbo eruptions in public.

“Well that’s quite the impossible task you’re asking me to do,” Sherrielock admitted, “but then as Don Quixote sang in the musical Man of La Mancha, “To dream the impossible dream…”

Sherrielock Holmes: About to take on a next to impossible task?

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday September 19th
2019.

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Chaos Rising As The Cosmos Crumbles

September 12, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Chaos Rising As The Cosmos Crumbles

Pan Goatee was walking across the street when a man and his German shepherd dog happened to walk by.

The dog kept staring at Pan Goatee.

Finally Goatee said to the dog’s owner, “Doesn’t your dog know it’s not proper etiquette to stare?”.

Whereupon he beheaded both the German shepherd and its owner.

A little further down the street came an ugly looking woman riding a bicycle.

“What is it about autumn that seems to bring out ugly looking women on bicycles?” Goatee thought to himself.

The woman looked like she had stuck all her fingers and all her toes in an electric socket as her hair style seemed to resemble that of the Bride of Frankenstein on a bad (as opposed to her usually good) hair day.

“Good-bye, uglo,” Goatee commented as he beheaded her.

. . .

“What do you think of my naming Kermit the Frog as my national security advisor?” Donald Trump asked his British butler and valet Lexington, “Do you think that I should give old Kermy a call?”.

“A most inspired choice,” Lexington admitted.

. . .

Meanwhile on the second day of the Canadian Federal election campaign, a Liberal Party campaign bus had struck and clipped the wing of the Liberal Party campaign plane on the airport tarmac outside Victoria, British Columbia.

After an investigation conducted by the Sheriff of the Village of Calypso’s Bosom (a New Age Aquarian hippy commune on the Sechelt Peninsula that was analogous to Scotland’s Village of Brigadoon although the hippy commune appeared once every 7 years instead of once every 100 like the mythical Scottish village) who was in charge of Airport Security, it was determined that the driver of the bus was a robot built and assembled by Mei-ling Manchu and Ho Babylon Minh Computer Electronics in Shanghai, China.

Of course the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu and the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh were both Beijing government intelligence operatives believed to have been involved in the cactusnapping, torture and subsequent murder of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s pet pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever in retaliation for the U.S. ordered Vancouver arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou. 

A spokesman for the Chinese Embassy in Ottawa issued a statement, “The People’s Republic of China can neither confirm nor deny that it is seeking to bump off Justin Trudeau.”

Later that day, Justin Trudeau came down with food poisoning in Edmonton after eating at Ho-Ho’s Chinese Food on the University of Alberta campus.

. . .

The Egyptian god Anubis was out walking the streets of London at night when he happened to run into British Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

“Evening, Anubis,” Johnson greeted him in Ancient Greek seeing as how he had been a Classics scholar at Oxford, “How are you? Tell me, why is it these days (and nights) that you’re now sporting a metallic cyborg jackal head when you used to have an actual real animal jackal head?”.

“Well, a few years ago, I was beheaded by Pan Goatee when I happened to look at him the wrong way,” Anubis explained, “and of course being immortal, I didn’t die when I was beheaded. But it just so happened that an overly frisky Dobermann ran off with my jackal head that night and I was unable to get it back. So Dr. Cadbury Rocher from my dad’s research and development firm Set Enterprises kindly built this new metallic cyborg jackal head for me.”

“Jolly decent of him,” Johnson answered in Ciceronian Latin.

“Tell me,” Anubis asked Johnson in koine Greek, “why do you feel it’s imperative that Britain leave the EU with or without a deal on Halloween?”.

“Well,” Johnson replied in ancient Carthaginian, “the demons Baal and Baphomet have commissioned a Vatican Cardinal Samhain Cardinal Salaman to say the ancient Celtic Druidic Mass of Samhain this Halloween on the Republic of Ireland/UK Northern Ireland border which will forever enslave all of Britain to the Stalinist-Trotskyite synthesis European Union that George Soros, Pope Francis and the Rothschilds are seeking to build.”

“Wow, what a bummer,” Anubis started having flashbacks of what the overly frisky Dobermann did to his jackal head that night.

“Yes, quite the shitty situation,” Johnson recited in 21st Century contemporary English prose.

. . .

“So,” Russian President Vladimir Putin asked his guest Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu in Moscow, “can you tell me if it’s true that this coming September 25th 2019 (which is the 5780th anniversary of the day that Jewish tradition holds that the world was created) that the Israeli Sanhedrin has invited the Organization of 70 Nations to perform an animal sacrifice on the Mount of Olives to renew the Noahide Covenant?”.

“The government of Israel can neither confirm nor deny that,” Netanyahu answered.

“Can you tell me if it’s true,” Putin then asked, “what it said in that article in Politico magazine that Israel has been spying on the U.S. in a StingRay operation ever since Donald Trump moved into the White House?”.

“That is a blatant lie,” Netanyahu wagged his finger, “the Israeli government does not spy on nor engage in intelligence operations in the U.S.!”.

Putin looked out the window of his office where he noticed a Jeffraken (a Kraken with the head of Jeffrey Epstein) walking down the street waving an American flag and carrying a Victoria’s Secret shopping bag.

“Why did your nose grow bigger after you made that statement?” Putin asked.

“My nose did not grow bigger,” Netanyahu started to protest until he looked at himself in the mirror, “Oh shit, it did.”

Netanyahu knew he couldn’t hit the Israeli campaign trail this weekend looking like a Disney cartoon character wooden puppet who gets his advice from a cricket.

The Israeli Prime Minister put in a hasty call to the Doctor Faberge Rachmaninoff Plastic Surgery Clinic in Moscow.

. . .

In Hong Kong, British MI-6 Operative Lili Marlene sat in a Hong Kong lounge next to a large marble head of the immortal princess Kwan Yin (who was venerated as the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy by some groups of Buddhists):

Lili Marlene was a French woman and so used to work for France’s external intelligence agency the DGSE.

However last year, French President Emmanuel Macron had made a pass at Lili Marlene’s mother at a Parisienne cocktail party.

Within 24 hours, an angry Lili Marlene had defected to Britain’s MI-6.

Today she was in Hong Kong keeping tabs on the supernatural power struggle between the ancient Great Old One Cthulhu and the supernatural entity known as the Black Dragon.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday September 12th
2019.

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The Last Hours of Strawberry Fields Forever

September 5, 2019 at 11:04 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Last Hours of Strawberry Fields Forever

“Performing live human sacrifices to Moloch is the way we can stop climate change from giving hot flashes to Earth Mother Goddess Gaia.”

-Bernie Sanders, senile socialist Democratic Party candidate for President of the U.S.

CNN’s Anderson Cooper: At a campaign stop today, Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders was hit in the face with a cream pie thrown at him by an invisible entity.
Although according to Harvey Wallbanger drinking secret service agents assigned to guard Sanders (who’s no relation to the beloved Kentucky colonel who invented KFC), it was a 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who threw the cream pie.

. . .

Meanwhile up in Canada, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was quite impressed with a British House of Lords friend of Renfield R. Renfield singing a song in the House of Lords about British Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn miraculously growing a pair of testicles.

Trudeau thought it might be cool if he miraculously grew a pair of testicles as well.

So Justin imagined what it would be like if he had a pair of testicles.

Picturing himself with a sudden shot of testosterone, Justin gave a blistering speech attacking China for holding two Canadians Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor hostage in return for the release of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou from Canada.

Said Trudeau who imagined himself as a Québécois John Wayne riding tall in the saddle, “Beijing is using pressure tactics. China is using arbitrary detention as a tool to achieve political goals.”

Of course Justin never mentioned that his personal pet pot smoking cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever was also being held hostage by Chinese authorities in return for the release of Meng Wanzhou.

“This is unacceptable to Canada,” Justin preached to the editorial board of the Toronto Star newspaper.

Of course Justin’s new found Sylvester Stallone style Rambo act went over like a lead balloon with China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping and his supernatural entity advisor the Black Dragon.

With the music of Led Zeppelin’s Stairway To Heaven playing in the background, the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu entered the prison cell of Strawberry Fields Forever where he was being held in a re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in the Xinjiang region of northwest China.

She had a pair of pliers and pair of scissors with her.

As the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (the granddaughter of Vietnamese President Ho Chi Minh) filmed the whole thing, Mei-ling Manchu ripped and peeled the little desert cactus plant to pieces as it uttered blood curdling screams.

Ho uploaded the video to Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Instagram.

The pieces were then put in a box and sent via Amazon parcel delivery to Justin’s home in Ottawa.

The Chinese authorities wisely did not use Canada Post as it would probably take another 70 years before the package reached its destination.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday September 5th
2019.


Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu having a refreshing cocktail after having dismembered Strawberry Fields Forever the pet pot smoking cactus plant of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

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ET Gray Gali-Gula Encounters The Black Dragon

April 2, 2019 at 10:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

The ET gray Gali-Gula was sitting on the beach at Vancouver’s English Bay drinking bottles of Molson Canadian beer.

He had found an old fashioned dictionary on the beach (books along with encyclopedias which were no longer used in the age of the Internet).

Gali-Gula was surprised to see that when he looked up the word “Sleazebag” in the dictionary that Canadian Privy Council clerk Michael Wernick’s picture was there.

This depressed Gali-Gula as it reminded him of the SNC-Lavalin scandal in which his good buddy Justin Trudeau was involved.

A scandal which probably wouldn’t have happened if his good buddy Justin still had access to his pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever and was able to inhale the prickly little creature’s exhaled pot smoke.

For Justin was only able to see Gali-Gula (an ET gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the ghost of the late earthling ancient Roman Emperor Caligula) when he inhaled pot smoke.

But thanks to Canada stupidly arresting Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou on behalf of the U.S. government last December 1st, Chinese government operatives had in retaliation kidnapped Justin’s pot smoking cactus plant.

For a while, the prickly little fellow had been held captive in Calypso’s Bosom a Brigadoon style mystical village hippy commune on the Sechelt Peninsula which only emerged from its pot smoking mystical haze once every 7 years to appear to mortal eyes.

Seeing as how the cactus seemed to be enjoying his environment a little too much, it was moved to a Chinese Government Re-Education camp for transgendered Uighurs in the Xinjiang region of China where cannabis and pot smoking was definitely not allowed.

Seeing as how Justin was deprived of his access to pot smoke through the cactusnapping and captivity of Strawberry Fields Forever, he was unable to see and hear Gali-Gula for advice.

Now whenever Justin set out to make an ass of himself which was quite often, Gali-Gula would advise him not to do it.

When Justin listened to Gali-Gula’s advice, he didn’t make an ass of himself.

When he refused to heed Gali-Gula’s advice, he always made an ass out of himself.

But when Strawberry Fields Forever was kidnapped, Gali-Gula was invisible to Canada’s Prime Minister and was unable to warn Justin Trudeau not to pressure his Attorney-General and Justice Minister Jody Wilson-Raybould into intervening to protect the Quebec based construction firm SNC-Lavalin from criminal prosecution.

As such, Justin now found himself embroiled in the biggest political scandal his government had ever faced.

His poll numbers were dropping faster than flies at a Bill Clinton and White House Intern Reunion Convention.

And earlier this evening, both Jody Wilson-Raybould and her friend former Treasury Board President Jane Philpott had been booted off the deck of the Titanic that is the Canadian Federal Liberal Party caucus.

The iceberg of this fall’s Federal election loomed ahead.

And all because a bunch of West Coast potheads in the Vancouver Crown Prosecutor’s office, Canada Customs and the RCMP decided to follow U.S. government orders and arrest Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.

Speaking of West Coast potheads, almost everyone on the beach at Vancouver’s English Bay could see him.

They waved and asked for autographs.

A Black Dragon suddenly emerged from the waters of English Bay and approached the ET gray.

Most of the potheads could not see him.

“That’s because I have the ability to cloud their minds with rational thought- something their minds cannot handle,” the Black Dragon answered Gali-Gula because he could read his mind, “most U.S. politicians of all political stripes are unable to see me for the same reason.”

“Who are you?” Gali-Gula asked.

“I am the Black Dragon,” the Black Dragon bowed, “Supernatural entity advisor to China’s paramount leader.”

“I’m Gali-Gula, former ET gray advisor to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,” the little extraterrestrial looked sad.

“I know,” the Black Dragon smiled, “I advised Xi Jinping to abduct Strawberry Fields Forever.”

“You!” Gali-Gula looked angry.

“Don’t worry,” the Black Dragon breathed fire reassuringly, “he’s being held in a pot free zone- a government re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in Xinjiang.”

At that moment a news story about transgenders broke on a nearby pothead’s radio.

The B.C. Human Rights Commission had recently fined somebody for saying that a transgendered political candidate had been born a biological male.

In response to the huge fine, genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had flown in from Alberta and had beheaded all the members of the B.C. Human Rights Commission.

He then put all the severed heads under the bedsheets in a bed owned by a transgendered Hollywood producer in Los Angeles along with an old autographed photo of Marlon Brando as the Godfather and an old autographed photo of 1960s TV star Mr. Ed The Talking Horse.

The producer screamed when he woke up in bed this morning and found all the items, the radio announcer noted.

“So you’ve come to gloat about holding Strawberry Fields Forever hostage?” Gali-Gula turned his attention back to the supernatural visitor from China.

“Yes,” the Black Dragon roasted some hot dogs for a bunch of potheads who were undergoing the munchies, “I’m actually on my way to Venezuela to give a King Henry V style Saint Crispin’s Day speech to 120 Chinese soldiers there who have joined 100 Russian soldiers there. Buenos Nochos.”

Gali-Gula whose Spanish wasn’t as good as the Black Dragon suddenly felt a craving for some good nachos.

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Meng Sues As Justin Slips, Renfield Saved By Lepardia Once Again

March 4, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Last Friday, the Canadian Federal Government announced that it would be going ahead with the extradition case against Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.

Today the Chinese government in Beijing formally charged Canadians Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor with espionage.

“A mere coincidence? Hardly,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield told BBC Radio quoting a statement that the narrator of the early 1970s film Chariots of The Gods often made throughout the course of the movie.

In addition to public moves by the Chinese government, it was also doing some private ones.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s pet marijuana smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever (who had been abducted by Chinese vampiress Mei-ling Manchu the daughter of Dr. Fu Manchu shortly after Meng Wanzhou’s arrest) had been moved from the mystical pot smoking hippy commune of Calypso’s Bosom on British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula to a Uighur re-education camp for Uighur transgender transsexuals in China’s Xinjiang region where pot smoking was strictly prohibited.

There videos of Strawberry Fields Forever undergoing pot withdrawal symptoms while being surrounded by Uighur equivalents of Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner would be emailed and/or text messaged to Justin on his private server every day.

“A most sublime form of torture,” a smiling supernatural entity known as the Black Dragon told a smiling Chinese Communist paramount leader Xi Jinping over a pot of green tea.

In addition, various Canadians were now disappearing off the streets of Chinese cities.

The Canadian beaver would definitely not be winning any pissing contests with the Chinese dragon.

In addition, Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou had now launched a civil lawsuit against the Canadian Border Services Agency, the RCMP and the Canadian Attorney-General’s Department for violating her constitutional rights on failures of government officials to comply with the rule of law upon her detention, search and interrogation at the Vancouver International Airport on December 1st 2018.

“What probably happened,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield explained to CNN’s Anderson Cooper on the subject, “from my Canadian friends in the know is the sheer egotism and Luciferian self-deification of those who work in the Canadian Border Services Agency. Many males who work for the CBSA are impotent bedwetters with small penises and many females who work for the CBSA are lesbian blowhards who wish they had penises. These serious inflictions cause these people to become Hellhounds and Hellhags when it comes to dealing with members of the general public.”

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was watching the CNN interview between Renfield and Cooper when he received his first video from the Uighur re-education camp in Xinjiang as a text message.

The video showed a Uighur transgender accidentally sitting on the desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever and then standing up singing those old Culture Club Boy George lyrics of the early 1980s, “Do you really want to hurt me…?”.

“Poor Strawberry Fields Forever,” Justin wept, “He can’t stand listening to any songs or music past 1969.”

The Black Dragon then arrived on the scene singing,

“… we haven’t had that spirit here since 1969…
… we are all just prisoners here of our own device…
… You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave.”

Some burnt Eagle feathers fell down on top of the desert cactus plant.

. . .

In addition to foreign troubles with China, Justin was also having domestic troubles at home in Canada.

Canadian Treasury Board President Jane Philpott had just resigned from the Trudeau cabinet earlier today Monday March 4th 2019 as her reaction to the SNC-Lavalin scandal in which members of the Prime Minister’s Office had tried to pressure then Canadian Justice Minister and Attorney-General Jody Wilson-Raybould into dropping a criminal prosecution case against the Quebec-based construction company SNC-Lavalin.

Trudeau had just re-shuffled his cabinet last Friday in reaction to Jody Wilson-Raybould resigning as Veterans’ Affairs Minister back on February 12th and now he would have to undertake another cabinet shuffle.

Trudeau fell asleep and had a dream that he was tap dancer Fred Astaire with both Ginger Rogers and Rita Hayworth leaving the stage without him.

Justin then did a solitary tap dance as he sang, “I’m doing the cabinet shuffle. Oh yeah, I’m doing the cabinet shuffle” as he shuffled his feet.

Justin then slipped on a banana peel and fell off stage while doing the shuffle.

He was immediately eaten by a Black Dragon who already had in his stomach a desert cactus plant undergoing marijuana smokers’ withdrawal.

. . .

A gay Argentinian Jesuit priest stood outside the British House of Commons holding Punch and Judy puppets with toy chainsaws in both their puppet hands.

The Jesuit was going to use the two respective puppets and the four respective toy chainsaws to assassinate British MP Renfield R. Renfield as he exited the Commons.

The priest had been ordered by one of his superiors in the Vatican to assassinate the British Transhumanist MP.

As the priest stood there, a leopard suddenly lunged at him.

The leopard ripped him to shreds.

Like most contemporary Jesuit priests, the now ripped to pieces assassin was a modernist liberal progressive Marxist who didn’t really believe in the existence of the Supernatural.

Had he done so, he might have paid heed to the warning of Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol that there was a were-leopard (a person able to shapeshift into the form of a leopard) that had been haunting the streets of London the past few years.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield left the Commons where he had spent the day in his parliamentary office being interviewed by news networks from around the world.

As such his spirit advisors the ghosts of Orson Welles and Winston Churchill had taken the day off visiting the Tate Gallery.

Renfield looked around for his date for this evening Lepardia Marango who was the Cultural Attache at the South African Embassy in London.

Then he saw her:

She looked resplendent.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 4th
2019

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Semiramis and Dracul, An ET Gray and Justin Trudeau

February 27, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Politics, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


Semiramis the Queen of Babylon plays an Adolf Hitler speech on the radio

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had once again gone back in time to February 1944 a few months before the D-Day invasion of Normandy in pursuit of the time travelling Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire officer Franz Kohler.

He was once again operating in an Orson Welles black and white film space-time dimension as he time travelled using the Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr magic lantern prototype film projector.

Tonight he found himself in a London England hotel room on the date of February 27th 1944 a few months before the D-Day invasion of Normandy.

The room was registered to Semiramis the Queen of Babylon.

As Semiramis sat there looking incredibly sexy in a tight blouse and tight skirt, she was playing on the radio a speech Adolf Hitler was delivering to a Let’s Make Germany Great Again rally in Berlin:

Hitler was telling the German people what to do in the event of an allied invasion of Nazi occupied Europe.

Now Dracul Van Helsing’s German was a little rusty (much like a harp playing talking rooster character who appeared on a Canadian children’s TV show The Friendly Giant that he watched as a kid) but he was pretty sure Der Fuhrer was saying 😈,

“Ve shall fight in France, ve shall fight on the seas and the oceans, ve shall fight on the beaches, ve shall fight on the landing grounds, ve shall fight in the fields and in the streets, ve shall fight in the hills, ve shall never surrender…”

“So Van Helsing,” Semiramis smiled at him, “it appears Der Fuhrer is a plagiarist among his many other charming attributes.”

“That appears to be the case,” Van Helsing agreed.

Before the evening was over, Semiramis and Dracul Van Helsing were engaged in some kinky tantric sex.

While in the hotel room next door, Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau was phoning down to room service complaining that the sausages and sauerkraut he was getting in England didn’t taste as good as what he got over in Germany.

. . .

The ET gray Gali-Gula from the planet Nibiru (who was possessed by the spirit of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula) sat in a chair drowning his sorrows in a bottle of beer:

He wondered if his severe drinking problem was starting to affect his liver as he was starting to look more yellow than gray these days.

The source of all his troubles was that his friend Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau wasn’t able to see him (Gali-Gula) to receive advice.

And the result of his not being able to give Justin advice was causing the Canadian Prime Minister to slide into a political quagmire from which he might not be able to remove himself (not even if Donald Trump threw him a lifeline made up of New York City deli baloney sausages).

And of course the reason Justin was no longer able to see the little ET gray was because he was no longer inhaling pot.

When Justin had his genetically created marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever still available to him in his greenhouse, he was able to go into the greenhouse and inhale the desert cactus plant’s pot exhale and then truthfully told the news media that he didn’t personally smoke pot.

However as a result of the Canadian government arresting Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou at Vancouver International Airport at the behest of the U.S. government, the Chinese government in an act of revenge had sent vampiress Mei-ling Manchu to kidnap Justin’s prickly pot smoking little buddy.

The plant was now being held in a mystical pot smoking 1960s hippy commune that had vanished off the face of the Earth back in July 1969 and only appeared again to human eyes once every 7 years.

As a result of all this, Justin was not able to get wise advice from Gali-Gula since he was unable to see him.

Having once been a Roman Emperor who was slain by his own Praetorian Guard, the Imperial Roman spirit possessed ET gray was a wealth of wisdom on what not to do when governing and ruling.

And now Justin was caught up in the SNC-Lavalin scandal whereby he was accused of trying to persuade his then Minister of Justice and Attorney-General of Canada Jody Wilson-Raybould last year to drop criminal prosecution charges against the Quebec-based construction company SNC-Lavalin on charges of trying to bribe the then Libyan government of Col. Muammar Qaddafi (prior to his overthrow by Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton who now condemn Russia for interfering in U.S. internal politics) a decade ago.

SNC-Lavalin is coincidentally one of the biggest financial donors to the Federal Liberal Party of Canada of which Justin Trudeau is the leader.

Jody Wilson-Raybould did not assent to Justin’s pressure and the court case went ahead.

Last month however Justin had demoted Jody Wilson-Raybould to a lesser cabinet position.

Wilson-Raybould eventually resigned from cabinet and today she testified before a Canadian House of Commons committee on the pressure she faced from the Prime Minister’s office.

Justin (after watching hours of video of Donald Trump telling real whoppers to the media and voters) held a press conference of his own to answer Jody Wilson-Raybould’s charges.

Gali-Gula sat at the back of the press corps and wept.

Visual animation commentary for BBC News of the event was provided by Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster of Set Enterprises who drew a cartoon with his lobster claws of Justin Trudeau throwing Jody Wilson-Raybould under a bus.

This did not bode well for Justin’s image as a self-proclaimed feminist and as a self-proclaimed defender of indigenous aboriginal rights.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 27th
2019.

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Renfield Wears A T-Shirt and Signs Autographs

February 10, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield was the man of the hour in Britain after his successful appearance on a special PBS episode of Firing Line in which the ghost of William F. Buckley Jr. interviewed the MP.

Militant atheist Richard Dawkins (after an appearance in which he publicly burnt his jock strap that had on it a picture of Michelangelo’s Jehovah creating Adam as depicted on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel) issued a statement, “I have to admit I was impressed by the seeming authenticity of the show. It does look like an episode of Firing Line that would have been directed by Orson Welles had Mr. Welles ever directed an episode of Firing Line. And Buckley’s ghost does come across like Buckley’s ghost would if he ever did a posthumous interview as the interviewer. But as every person who has absorbed my intelligent insight and analysis of the cosmos knows, “There are no ghosts or vampires or mythological beings in actual existence. There is no Heaven, Hell or Purgatory. And there’s definitely no God.”

“I say,” Amadeus Emanon spoke to his girlfriend Angelique Dumont as he ate some popcorn and watched Dawkins on television, “If Dawkins as a militant atheist is burning his jockstrap with a picture of Michelangelo’s Creating Adam on it in imitation of the militant feminists of the late 1960s publicly burning their bras, now my knowledge of history might be somewhat misty but didn’t the militant feminists of the late 1960s at least take their bras off first?”.

“Oh shit,” Dawkins could be heard screaming as someone rushed forward with a fire extinguisher to extinguish his smouldering jockstrap.

“Maybe Dawkins will compose an atheist hymn with the lyrics Nearer My Jockstrap To Thee,” Renfield remarked as he signed autographs from adoring fans and wore a t-shirt that said,

GILLETTE:
The Fruitiest A Man Can Get.

Meanwhile American Catholic bishops and their priestly advisors were packing Gillette shaving products in their suitcases as they headed off to Rome for The Vatican Special Meeting On Predatory Pederast Priests.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau looked at the RCMP report in front of him.

The report detailed the investigation into the abduction of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s personal pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever who had been kidnapped by the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (daughter of Dr. Fu Manchu) last December and would only be released when Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou was released fully from custody and not extradited to the U.S.

Justin missed his little cannabis pot smoking greenhouse buddy with the prickly needles and his whacky weedy smile.

But the RCMP were unable to find the lost 1960s hippy commune of Calypso’s Bosom on the Canadian West Coast’s Sechelt Peninsula where the marijuana smoking desert plant was being held.

Seeing as how the commune was an Age of Aquarius New Age equivalent of Scotland’s mythical mystical village of Brigadoon, that was no surprise.

. . .


Semiramis the Queen of Babylon to her date Dracul Van Helsing before going out: How do you like my high heeled shoes, Dracul darling?
The better to crush my ex-husband Nimrod the little green frog with, don’t you think?

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 10th
2019.

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Renfield: How Close To 10 Downing Street?

December 12, 2018 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (who was currently employed as an operative for the Chinese Intelligence Service) were currently in San Francisco plotting to deliver some poisoned apples to Apple CEO Tim Cook as China’s vengeance for the arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou in Vancouver, British Columbia by Canadian authorities who were stupidly acting on U.S. government orders.

As such, Renfield’s absence from Britain may have inadvertently saved British Prime Minister Theresa May’s political career.

Many British Conservative MPs were anxious to hear where Renfield stood on Mrs. May’s Brexit deal.

And since he was out of the country, no one (not even his hairdresser) knew for sure.

There were rumours flying that if Mrs. May was defeated in the British House of Commons on a non-confidence vote, the Queen might ask Renfield to become Prime Minister (and head of a coalition government made up of Labour, the Conservatives, the Liberal Democrats and the British Transhumanists to negotiate a new Brexit deal with the EU).

Those members of the 21st Century British Conservative Party who did not think much of Sir Winston Churchill as Prime Minister of Britain and therefore did not want a new Churchill (ie Renfield R. Renfield) to become Prime Minister, they voted 200 to 117 to keep Theresa May on as British Conservative leader in the hopes that such a move might possibly delay the formation of a Renfieldian coalition government.

As for Renfield’s parliamentary colleague the Welsh vampiress Morgana (who was the British Transhumanist MP for Newbridge in Wales), she was currently working with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing on a joint British government-Set Enterprises endeavour to find out what wealthy, powerful and influential people in the world were behind an initiative to rebuild Solomon’s Temple on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

Meanwhile in Canada, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s pot smoking marijuana cannabis inhaling desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever was still being held hostage by Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (the immortal daughter of the infamous mad scientist Dr. Fu Manchu).

The plant was being held hostage in exchange for the dropping of all charges against Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.

Miss Manchu was keeping the hostage pot smoking cactus plant prisoner in a long forgotten 1960s hippy commune between Gibson’s Landing and the town of Sechelt on British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula.

The commune was the commune that time forgot (just as the pot smoking aging hippies who moved there back in the 1960s had forgotten where they had originally lived prior to moving to the commune).

The commune called Calypso’s Bosom was sort of an Age of Aquarius equivalent of the legendary magical Scottish village of Brigadoon although instead of rising out of the Scottish mist once every 100 years, it arose out of the British Columbia marijuana pot smoke and Sechelt Peninsular rainforests once every 7 years.

Although mortal men and women could only find the place once every 7 years, vampiresses could find it whenever, wherever as the singer Shakira might sensuously put it.


Meanwhile in Quebec City, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec (living life as a blonde at the moment) had kicked the frog asshole Premier of Quebec Francois Legault in his microscopic sized testicles with her super spiked stiletto high heeled shoes for insulting the Canadian province of Alberta home province of her good friend and tantric sex lover the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

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Justin Trudeau Wants To Discuss Donald Trump With Gali-Gula

August 31, 2018 at 10:36 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Justin Trudeau Wants To Discuss Donald Trump With Gali-Gula

Canada’s marijuana legalizing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was having a bad week.

Yesterday the Federal Court of Appeal decided to quash the Trudeau government’s approval of the Kinder Morgan Trans Mountain Pipeline effectively delaying the project for years (and maybe even killing it).

In response, Alberta Premier Rachel Notley announced she was pulling the province of Alberta out of Trudeau’s proposed National Climate Action Plan saying the Federal Government seemed to have botched its handling of the plans to sell Alberta oil overseas by allowing it access to the nation’s West Coast ports.

Meanwhile all the pot-smoking flaky and nutcase radical environmentalists on B.C.’s Lower Mainland and Vancouver Island were having orgasms of pure joy over this court decision that will kill any chance of economic prosperity for Alberta or most of Canada for the next 10 to 15 years.

Indigenous First Nations leaders who served as useful idiots for the cause of political correctness and white liberal pothead smoking radical environmentalists were ecstatic as well.

Those indigenous First Nations leaders who were actually concerned about jobs and employment for their people were horrified as this killed chances for economic prosperity in both Alberta and B.C. as a result of jobs being created over pipeline construction now being gone.

A well-known Alberta based Canadian vampire hunter said that the Federal Court of Appeal’s decision was proof positive that the number one requirement for being a judge in Canada was to be a total imbecile.

World famous London Dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes issued a statement shortly afterwards that this means Donald Trump could then probably get a job as a judge in Canada 🇨🇦 should he forced to leave the United States 🇺🇸.

Meanwhile rumours were flying that various gay pedophile inclined bishops and Cardinals were thinking of leaving the United States for the safety of Pope Francis’ Vatican 🇻🇦 should a U.S. Department of Justice investigation into their activities start.

Then as another blow to Justin Trudeau, today the NAFTA Trade Deal with the U.S. might be dead.

Trump’s deadline for reaching a deal had come and gone today.

Trudeau’s Foreign Affairs Minister tried to put the best possible spin on it saying that talks would continue next week.

But when a supreme asshole was currently sitting in the Oval Office, what could one do, Justin sighed.

The supreme asshole and Twitterer-In-Chief had in fact given an off-the-record interview to Bloomberg News yesterday that was leaked to The Toronto Star today,

In the interview, Trump said that he would not be making any compromises at all with Canada and any deal with Canada would be “totally on our terms”.

The supreme asshole’s attitude meant that NAFTA was effectively dead in the water.

Anyone who said otherwise had been inhaling too much pot smoke 💨.

And speaking of pot smoke, Justin Trudeau was currently in his green house inhaling pot smoke that was being exhaled from his genetically created pot smoking desert 🌵 cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever (that had been genetically created for him by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher).

He was inhaling pot smoke 💨 in the hopes that this would enable him to see his little ET gray friend Gali-Gula that he always saw after inhaling pot smoke.

Gali-Gula was an ET gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the ghost of the ancient earthling Roman Emperor Caligula.

Justin was very anxious to discuss the subject of Donald Trump with his little ET gray friend.

Unfortunately for Justin, Gali-Gula had become a big fan of the best of earthling music in recent years and as such he was currently in Detroit, Michigan attending the funeral of Aretha Franklin one of his favourite musical artists.

And the funeral service went on for 7 hours as was appropriate for the woman named the Queen of Soul.

Justin fell asleep 😴 waiting for Gali-Gula to show up.

While sleeping, he dreamed that the War of 1812 that Canada fought with the U.S. was being fought again.

. . .

It was nighttime and Donald Trump was sitting in the Oval Office waiting for the ghosts of Julius Caesar and the first Roman Emperor Caesar Augustus to show up.

Trump had first invoked the ghosts of Julius and Augustus Caesar in an ancient pagan Roman ritual he had performed this past Monday night shortly after attending a dinner meeting with evangelical Christian pastors and broadcasters telling them what a “devout believer” he was.

Trump was seeking advice from the ghosts of the two Caesars on how to go about making himself Emperor of America should it prove necessary.

Just like he was currently getting advice from the ghost of Chilean dictator Gen. Augusto Pinochet on how to stage a coup d’état should that become necessary.

One can never be too sure how the U.S. Congressional mid-term elections might go, Trump thought to himself.

After his meeting with the ghosts of the two Caesars, Trump would then be meeting with the ghost of the French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte to discuss the groundwork for a possible military invasion and annexation of Canada should that become necessary (Trump’s 1st choice for such advice had been the ghost of Der German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler but he was currently unavailable at the moment).

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 31st
2018.

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Gali-Gula Proposes An NRC Contract Assassin, Cthulhu On California Coast and The 3 Fates of Greek Mythology

August 6, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Gali-Gula Proposes An NRC Contract Assassin, Cthulhu On California Coast and The Three Fates of Greek Mythology

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was feeling depressed.

The reason?

Deteriorating relations with Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦.

Canada had called for the release of Saudi-American woman human rights campaigner Samar Badawi from jail after being arrested by the so-called “reform” government of asshole Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman.

Saudi Arabia over the protest froze all trade with Canada and expelled Canada’s ambassador to Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦.

One of the Saudi government’s verified Twitter accounts showed an image of a Saudi plane flying towards Toronto’s famed CN Tower about to crash into it (thus supporting British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s theory that some high Saudi government officials secretly backed Osama bin Laden and the 9/11 attacks).

The tweet was later deleted but had been caught by Canadian Government computer screenshots.

Inhaling marijuana smoke breathed out by Strawberry Fields Forever the Canadian Prime Minister’s pot smoking desert cactus 🌵 plant inside the greenhouse, Gali-Gula the ET gray from Nibiru appeared to the pot inhaler Justin Trudeau and suggested that the NRC (National Research Council of Canada) create an NRC equivalent of DARPA contract assassin Pan Goatee who will conduct assassinations on behalf of the Canadian government.

Justin replied that was a good idea and said in the meantime that he was going to ask British MP Renfield R. Renfield to pay a visit to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman given Renfield’s recent triumphant victories over the Russian Wolves nationalist motorcycle gang and the Mexican Disciples of Santa Muerte drug cartel.

. . .

Cthulhu the several hundred metres tall giant octopus 🐙, dragon 🐉 and human (first foreseen by early 20th Century American horror writer H. P. Lovecraft) was approaching the City of San Francisco, California.

“Oh shit,” said Democratic Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi on the deck of her boat when she saw him approach and proceeded to do just that.

Giving a whole new meaning to the term Poop 💩 Deck.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield wearing a t-shirt that said PSYCHOPATHS 4 GOOD (that was bought for him by New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont after his recent massacre and mass bodily dismemberment of the entire Disciples of Santa Muerte drug cartel) and a pair of Pan Goatee image emblazoned Hawaiian style boxer shorts was giving a speech to the Annual August Summer Banquet of the London Press Club.

Sitting in the audience were the 3 beautiful Fates of Greek Mythology- all of whom had become quite smitten with Renfield.

Renfield began his speech, “In the words of a great wise man… a journey of a thousand miles always begins… with a trip to the washroom.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 6th
2018.

The 3 Fates of Greek Mythology listening to British MP Renfield R. Renfield speak at the Annual August Summer Banquet of The London Press Club

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