Pan Goatee Beheads Uglos At Bus Stop As Demon Buffalo Watches

September 7, 2022 at 10:25 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

It was a very peculiar mist in the city.

It came out of nowhere and started eating people.

As if it was an invisible man-eating plant turned to low-lying mist.

Eugenicist billionaire Bill Gates was travelling in the city incognito.

He had heard there were all sorts of weird genetic and breeding experiments going on in the city.

He was puzzled by the mist.

“I must look into this further,” he mused.

His limousine pulled up and he got in.

Nearby the world-famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was about to enter a donut shop.

As he looked through the window, he noticed a really repulsive looking uglo sitting there with her little brat.

The satyr decided not to enter the donut shop.

Instead he went to a bus stop to take the bus home.

As he stood there waiting for the bus to show up, Pan Goatee noticed the repulsive looking uglo with her little brat leaving the donut shop.

The repulsive looking uglo and her little brat then crossed the street and started walking in the direction of the bus stop.

“Don’t tell me that the repulsive looking uglo and her little brat are headed towards this bus stop,” Goatee said.

“All right, I won’t tell you that,” Krampus picked his nose while waiting to pick up the remains of what would most likely be the satyr’s latest uglocide and bratocide.

Krampus was quite correct.

Pan threw his astral laser machete at the obnoxious duo.

The machete beheaded the repulsive looking uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

It then beheaded the uglo’s brat and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus had already packed up the remains and put them in his sack for delivery to Tartarus by the time the bus arrived.

As the bus pulled up, two fat ugly looking blimps then proceeded to get off the front of the bus.

“You may not want to leave just yet,” the Demon Buffalo remarked to Krampus as the former, in cannibalistic Italian film festival fashion, ate a buffalo flavoured popsicle and the latter was just about to enter the multidimensional portal to take him to Tartarus.

Sure enough Pan Goatee beheaded both fat ugly blimps and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

He then decided not to get on that bus and instead took a bus headed the opposite direction.

The Demon Buffalo joined the satyr on that bus and sat next to him.

As the Demon Buffalo worked on a crossword puzzle, he asked Pan, “I gather those four uglos you beheaded at that bus stop back there were genetically created by the Spirit Great-Grandmother of the West (leader of the Circle of Spirits so beloved by Pope Francis and his Canadian Catholic hierarchy) using interbreeding between walruses and sasquatch?”.

“That is correct,” Pan nodded.

Eventually after taking the long way around, the satyr got home.

Later he decided to go to a nearby grocery store to see if they had finally brought in the particular brand of cold meats that he loved.

Pan hoped they weren’t being permanently replaced by Bill Gates recommended bugs and insects.

Tonight they were in so Pan bought a few packages.

He walked to a bus stop to take the bus home.

He stood at the bus stop enjoying the evening air.

When lo and behold, another repulsive looking uglo (this one of the caucasian and not aboriginal First Nations variety) decided to show up showing her ugly face for the world to admire.

Pan did not feel any admiration for her facially aesthetically challenged face as can be seen by the fact that he beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Goatee once again took a bus headed in the opposite direction.

The Demon Buffalo once again sat next to Pan while holding a copy of the latest edition of the Serial Killers’ Almanac that he had been reading.

“I take it,” the Demon Buffalo commented while reading up on the serial killing statistics for Iceland, “that the uglo you beheaded back there was part of the experimental genetics program being overseen by the Norse trickster god Loki and Dr. Anthony Fauci involving interbreeding between female stoats and moronic low IQ human males?”.

“That is correct,” Pan nodded.

. . .

Ever since Thursday September 1st 2022 (the 83rd anniversary of the Nazi invasion of Poland) in which senile old fool Joe Biden had sacrificed a previously unknown (to him) daughter named Liberty to the Greek goddess Artemis (in an effort to save NASA’s latest moon rocket program) and then gave a Nazi fascist Stalinist Evil Galactic Empire speech in Philadelphia, Joe was being advised by the ghosts of both Josef Stalin and Adolf Hitler.

On that fatal (for Liberty) morning of Thursday September 1st 2022, the ghosts of Theosophist leaders Helena Petrovna Blavatsky, Annie Besant and Alice A. Bailey had negotiated a peace treaty and a renewed Nazi-Soviet Pact between the ghosts of Adolf Hitler and Josef Stalin.

The man selected to enforce this renewed Nazi-Soviet Pact on the world was senile old fool Joe Biden.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 7th
2022.

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The Demon Buffalo Sends A Text Message

August 4, 2022 at 10:11 pm (Aesthetics, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Norse trickster god Loki was getting increasingly ticked off that genetically created satyr Pan Goatee was bumping off his (Loki’s) genetically created female uglo offspring.

So much so that demons allied with Loki were playing interference with the traffic lights at the intersection where the bus that Pan Goatee was riding was stopped.

The demons held up the traffic lights even longer than usual.

Finally when the light finally turned green, the bus was unable to quickly turn left because a couple of slow moving pedestrians (at a traffic corner that rarely had any pedestrians) were being outraced by snails as they crossed the street.

To make matters even worse for Pan Goatee, the slow moving pedestrian bimbos were also a couple of super repulsive female uglos.

Pan opened the bus window across from him, put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot and threw it out the window.

The astro laser machete then beheaded both of the super repulsive female uglos and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

Loki did an impersonation of Joe Biden doing a major blow out in his Depends diapers when he heard the news that Pan had beheaded a couple more of his ugly uglo female progeny at the satanic demonically controlled traffic crossing.

The rest of Pan’s afternoon bus trip went off without incident.

However later that night Pan went out for an evening bus trip and on the way back home Pan saw the same purple and pink haired uglo getting on board the bus as he had beheaded and dismembered last night.

“What I thought I had killed you last night, bitch,” Pan reached for his astral laser machete, “Quite inconsiderate of you not to stay dead especally when Krampus carried your remains to the lower circles of Tartarus.”

Unbeknownst to Pan, the evil mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci (an ally of Loki) had genetically created a clone of the purple and pink haired uglo.

So after the original had been beheaded and dismembered last night, Dr. Fauci had arranged for the uglo’s clone to board the bus at the same uglo bat time in the same uglo bat neighbourhood.

The genetically cloned uglo was now being beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces.

After the beheading and multiple trillion dismemberment of the uglo clone, Pan Goatee received a text message from the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake and Lac Ste. Anne.

Said the Demon Buffalo, “Here’s more information about the Great Western Grandmother who was invoked by a Huron shaman at the Citadel in Quebec City last week in the presence of satanic AntiPope Francis, his retinue of bishops and cardinals as well as the pale faced (as opposed to black faced) Justin Trudeau. The Great Western Grandmother who’s called Spider Grandmother in the folklore and traditions of the Hopi, Zuma, Navajo and Pueblo peoples.
The Great Western Grandmother is also called Toci Yoalticitl (“Our Grandmother The Nocturnal Physician”) by the Aztecs.
She is apparently an earth goddess who inhabits the sweatbath according to the Aztecs.
She was called Ixchel by the Mayas (she appears as a supposedly good alien being in New Age writer Madeleine L’ Engle’s book A Wrinkle In Time) and she has 4 symbols in 4 different colours – red, white, black and yellow which are associated with the 4 different segments of the Universe.
The name Ixchel means “Rainbow Woman” which is probably why the sodomites and transgenders adopted the rainbow as their symbol and why Pope Francis’ Vatican is so prone to displaying the Pride rainbow.
Interestingly enough on her head Ixchel wore a serpent and the pattern on her skirt was of bones in the form of a Cross.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written Thursday August 4th
2022.

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Renfield’s Podcast For Saturday July 23rd 2022

July 23, 2022 at 9:57 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Ava Gardner appeared in British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s dreams

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was dreaming about Ava Gardner when his alarm clock went off.

“Darn,” Renfield turned off the alarm.

He looked at his watch.

Almost time for his live Saturday night podcast.

“Usually my late Saturday afternoon and early evening power naps aren’t so exciting,” Renfield sighed.

Renfield walked over to his desk.

“Good evening,” Renfield sat in front of his PC, “The despicable Mario Draghi has resigned as Prime Minister of Italy and new Parliamentary elections have been called. Hopefully Italians will now elect a government that’s opposed to the globalist policies of the World Economic Forum.”

Renfield went on to his next item, “The U.S. Navy has announced that it will start serving plant-based “meat” to its overseas service personnel as part of its efforts to fight climate change.”

Renfield then showed a video of Russian President Vladimir Putin laughing his head off.

“Between transgenderism and serving phony meat meant for wusses, the U.S. Armed Forces won’t have any real men left,” Renfield pointed out.

He then shows a video of Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping rubbing his hands in glee.

“Over in Canada, Canadian farmers are showing their solidarity with Dutch farmers whose farms and livelihoods are being threatened by the pro-WEF Fascist/Corporatist government of Holland,” Renfield explained, “This is a video showing Canadian farmers driving their vehicles down an Ontario highway flying both the Dutch and Canadian flags on their vehicles and heading towards Ottawa where they will protest in front of the Dutch Embassy.”

Renfield then showed a photo of the Chief of Police of the Ottawa Police Service.

The man was seen sporting an Adolf Hitler haircut and an Adolf Hitler moustache.

“Meanwhile,” Renfield continued, “the Gestapo loving scumbags in the Ottawa Police Service say that motor vehicle protests aren’t allowed in Ottawa and violators will be arrested. Of course where in Canadian law or the Canadian Constitution does it say that motor vehicle protests aren’t allowed? Nowhere. Like Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau and his Nazi/Communist hybrid hag henchwoman Chrystia Freeland, the Gestapo loving scumbags in the Ottawa Police Service are arbitrarily pulling made up laws out of their AIDS and monkeypox infested assholes. And of course no Leftist in North America is calling for the defunding of this group of clowns- a police service that actually deserves to be defunded. Whose members should all be fired and new recruits called in. Ones whose minds haven’t been destroyed by that mental veneral disease known as totalitarianism that seems to have infected the minds of the current members of the Ottawa Police Service.”

Renfield then concluded his podcast with a video showing Bill Gates eating filet mignon in an expensive restaurant while yacking into his smart phone about how the world’s lower classes need to start eating bugs and loving it.

Over at the Vatican, Pope Francis was in bed and dreaming about his upcoming visit to Edmonton.

Renfield went to bed and was once again dreaming of Ava Gardner.

She was reprising her 1951 film role of Pandora while James Mason as the Captain of The Flying Dutchman was telling her that he had once sailed his ship down the North Saskatchewan River in Alberta, Canada and had encountered a Demon Buffalo while doing so.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 23rd
2022.

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Demon Buffalo Watches Fauci Created Repulsive Ugly Looking Female Get Beheaded By Pan Goatee

July 22, 2022 at 9:34 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Black Forest Ham Sandwich at Subway restaurants is quite delicious.

Of course if Bill Gates, Justin Trudeau, the World Economic Forum and Pope Francis’ Vatican have their way, that will be replaced by the Black Fly Insect Sandwich.

As the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg noted, “Bugs are coming and we will eat them… sauteed, butteried, fried, boiled… and we will be grateful…”

Pan Goatee had just been in a Subway restaurant where he ate a Black Forest Ham Sandwich.

Something that would be unavailable after the World Economic Forum Great Reset on Sandwiches and Burgers had taken place.

As he crossed the street, he noticed a female cyclist on a bicyle wearing an overarching helmet, a bandana and dark sunglasses.

Goatee deduced that either she was an uglo (and didn’t want to be beheaded) or she was up to some nefarious activity.

Looking at the backpack on her back which was stuffed with green dye stained $100 bills as well as a handgun, Pan deduced that it was the latter. Although it could have been the former as well.

The satyr did not bother to find out.

He beheaded the criminal female cyclist and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Thus saving the Canadian taxpayer the cost of a court trial.

As Goatee walked down the street, he passed a bus stop booth where stood a really super repulsively ugly looking female.

She was not of the fat ugly blimp variety.

She was quite thin (no doubt having adopted the Bill Gates recommended Scarsdale Airhead Diet of mealworms and crickets).

Since Pan wasn’t going to catch a bus at that stop, he didn’t bother to behead the repulsive looking uglo.

Unbeknownst to Pan however, the repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo was an assassin working for mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Fauci, in an Axis of Evil with the Norse trickster god Loki, was the man responsible for genetically creating hundreds of thousands of ugly looking women in the City of Calgary.

Both Fauci and Loki were ticked off at the fact that Goatee had beheaded so many of their ugly looking creation.

This particularly repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo had scored the highest score on a Fauci-Loki created IQ test administered among Calgary female uglos.

She had scored a whopping 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000001% on the answers.

So she had been given a Fauci-Loki invented laser death ray hand gun (that was available to the general public through a mail order house in Chicago) and instructed to vapourize Pan Goatee into non-existence.

The super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo pointed the laser death ray hand gun in the direction of Pan Goatee.

She should have pointed the gun straight at the satyr.

But being an airhead, she pointed the gun up into the air and vapourized a rope held scaffold platform sending some poor window cleaner plunging to his death.

She then raced and ran to get in front of Pan.

The fact that the satyr could still be seen walking down the sidewalk should have clued the clueless airhead into the fact that Pan Goatee hadn’t been vapourized into non-existence.

But being an airhead, she had no clue.

Goatee then beheaded the super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x etc. etc. … pieces.

The Greek god Ares (who was filling in for the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon Krampus who was on summer vacation) arrived to pick up the remains of the super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo and carry them down to Tartarus.

The Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake stopped Ares.

“Allow me,” the demon buffalo’s eyes glowed fiery red, “to carry this ugly looking bitch’s remains down to the lowest level of Hell where she belongs.”

As the demon buffalo of Buffalo Lake carried the ugly looking bitch down to the lowest level of Hell where she belongs, Pan Goatee decided to go to his favourite downtown lounge to have a cool refreshing drink on this hot summer day.

As he approached the lounge he noticed a super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo standing about a dozen feet away from the entrance.

Not wanting to take any chances that this uglo was likewise a Fauci-Loki trained assassin, Pan likewise beheaded this super repulsively ugly thin female uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Ares arrived to pick up the remains.

. . .

Pope Francis was sitting in his office.

A Jesuit anthropologist and folklore expert who had been sent to Alberta to discover the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake entered the office to orally deliver his report.

“So Father Grimm, what have you discovered about the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake, Alberta?” Bergoglio asked.

“Hadn’t we better lower the Cone of Silence and I can tell you on the off chance that Vladimir Putin has this place bugged… or I should say… wiretapped?” Father Grimm suggested.

The Vatican’s Cone of Silence had been invented by a Jesuit inventor who had drank one too many tequilas and who had watched one too many episodes of the 1960s television series Get Smart.

Pope Francis pushed an intercom on his desk, “Cardinal Frutti, lower the Cone of Silence.”

The Cone of Silence was lowered.

“So, Father Grimm,” Bergoglio addressed the Jesuit anthropologist and folklore expert, “what have you found out about the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake?”.

“Nothing,” Father Grimm replied.

“Cardinal Frutti,” Francis again pushed the intercom on his desk, “Raise the Cone of Silence.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written Friday July 22nd
2022.

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James Bondeseque SPECTRE Like Billionaire Meets The Demon Buffalo

July 21, 2022 at 9:23 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Miles Standish Longfellow Farm had been a family farm in the Didsbury district of Alberta for over 100 years.

It raised dairy cattle.

Dairy cattle were not as offensive as beef cattle to the climate change obsessed but they were offensive none the less.

All this bovine flatulence left a heavy carbon footprint on the planet.

This this knew for Bill Gates told them so.

And speaking of Bill Gates, the billionaire eugenicist was walking around the Longfellow farm.

“What are you doing here?” The farmer’s daughter Evangeline Longfellow asked Gates.

“As you have probably heard,” the obnoxious geek grinned obnoxiously, “I have bought up most of the farmland in the United States of America. And now I have decided to do the same in Canada. Both countries will enjoy the benefits of my enlightened agricultural policies. And I have decided to start by buying this Longfellow farm first.”

“Get lost, creep,” Evangeline hit him over the head with a frying pan.

Gates was knocked out cold.

When he came to, Hiawatha a neighbour of the Longfellows was doing a dance in the moonlight.

The dance summoned a mysterious creature.

That creature was the demon buffalo of Buffalo Lake.

The demon buffalo’s eyes glowed fiery red and spoke in a Vincent Price like voice, “You belong in the bowels of Hell.”

The demon buffalo stood up on its hind legs and hooves and approached Bill Gates.

Gates ran.

He ran to his Rolls-Royce limousine.

A limousine whose emissions left more of a carbon footprint on the planet than all the rear ends of all the dairy cattle on the Longfellow farm put together.

“All right,” Gates swore, “No more Mr. Nice Guy. I’ll phone my good friend and bum buddy Justin Trudeau and he’ll pass legislation forcibly expropriating all the family farms in Western Canada. He’ll give them to me to enforce WEF Agricultural Policy.

At that moment Justin Trudeau was standing in front of his pot smoking antique mirror possessed by Tezcatlipoca the Aztec god of smoking mirrors.

The Neo-Stalinist tyrant was dressed like a black faced Marie Antoinette.

He had heard rumours of a coming food shortage.

Said Justin of the country’s peasants and workers, “Let them eat bugs.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 21st
2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimps Live On Britain’s ITV News

July 19, 2022 at 10:42 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee being a recently genetically created satyr has never met a lot of the figures of Greek mythology like the original Greek satyr Pan or the Greek hero Hercules or the Greek god Apollo

So said British ITV News journalist Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell who had been sent to Calgary, Alberta, Canada from Britain to cover the world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee.

Heathcliff Dionyus Campbell was the CEO of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd.

However he had won a contest to work as an intern television journalist for Britain’s ITV News over the summer.

Now he had been assigned to cover Pan Goatee the nemesis of facially aesthetically challenged females everywhere.

Campbell was standing at a bus stop holding a microphone in one hand and his pet Siamese cat Oysterella in the other.

Oysterella was holding a bowl of smoked oysters in her paws which she was eating.

Campbell spoke into the microphone, “Here I am standing alongside Pan Goatee. Pan is noting how hot it is today. 29 degrees Celsius apparently. And when you’ve got furry goats’ legs like Pan Goatee does, it feels even hotter.”

“That’s true,” Pan nodded, “The Robbie Burns Society pays me to never wear a kilt.”

The bus pulled up and satyr, ITV News Reporter and Siamese cat got on.

There sitting on one of the front seats was a fat ugly blimp reading a book by Ophrah Winfrey called How To Enjoy Your High Self Esteem.

“Usually,” Pan Goatee explained to Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell, “most fat ugly blimps choose to sit at the back of the bus. Which is why I sit at the front. However this fat ugly blimp has obviously taken Oprah’s New Age psychobabble way too seriously.”

The fat ugly blimp would never get the chance to address the United Nations General Assembly like Ophrah’s airheaded pair of friends Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.

For she was beheaded by Pan Goatee and cut up into 999 trillion pieces and her remains taken down to Tartarus by Ares the Greek god of war who was filling in for the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon Krampus who was on summer vacation.

“I doubt anyone who was PH Unbalanced would be able to follow that editorial train of thought,” Oysterella thought to herself as she finished the last of her smoked oysters.

Pan Goatee, Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell and Oysterella went and sat at the back of the bus.

A couple of bus stops down a fat ugly blimp and her moronic low IQ boyfriend boarded the bus and sat on seats at the front.

“What’s with the lack of humility being shown by fat ugly blimps and their moronic low IQ boyfriends these days?” Goatee commented as he beheaded the pair and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

“Meow, meow, meow, meow,” Oysterella purred.

Which was feline for “I want more smoked oysters.”

Pan Goatee and Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell went into a Dollar store to see if they could buy more smoked oysters for Oysterella.

There was a fat ugly blimp working as a cashier so Goatee beheaded the uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

“What about my oysters?” Oysterella meowed as Pan and Heathcliff left the store.

A demon buffalo approached the trio.

“Is that a demon buffalo approaching?” Campbell asked.

“It is,” Pan nodded.

. . .

“Who is this demon buffalo who wants to meet me?” Francis asked his group of advisors.

“We’re not sure,” his chief advisor shrugged, “but it is said he arose from Buffalo Lake in what is now Alberta, Canada back in the 1860s.”

“Am I going to be visiting Buffalo Lake next week?” Bergoglio started eating a popsicle.

“No, you won’t,” his chief advisor answered.

“I remember watching an episode of America’s Carol Burnett Show where Carol Burnett played Queen Elizabeth II and Tim Conway played a British soldier who was to receive a medal,” Bergoglio recalled, “But Conway’s soldier didn’t want a medal. He wanted a buffalo popsicle instead. So Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip went to a popsicle salesman (played by Harvey Korman) who was sitting on a popsicle bicycle. They asked for a buffalo popsicle but the popsicle salesman told them there was no such thing as a buffalo popsicle. But Conway’s soldier character insisted he wanted a buffalo popsicle. So Korman’s popsicle salesman character hit Conway’s soldier character over the head knocking him out. He put him in the popsicle box on his bicycle and wheeled him off.”

Silence was the order of the day among Bergoglio’s advisors after he made that last statement.

One advisor whispered to another, “Do you suppose senility is a virus that can spread over the telephone? He had a 4 hour phone conversation with Joe Biden last night.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 19th
2022.

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Pan Goatee Makes The Calgary Evening News

July 16, 2022 at 8:53 pm (Aesthetics, Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, magic, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Proposed mural for the Catholic Church’s Synod on Synodality in the Canadian province of Alberta

“Good evening,” the Calgary Evening News anchorman wore an I’ve Been Vaccinated 5 Times Button as his skin peeled off and his hair fell out while reading the news, “A fat ugly blimp, her moronic low IQ boyfriend, a couple of other uglo women and their uglo female progeny were beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces each in a southeast Calgary Dollar store tonight. Authorities strongly suspect world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was involved as beheading uglos and morons and cutting them up into 999 trillion pieces each is generally his signature modus operandi. Another fat ugly blimp was beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces while waiting to cross the street to get to a Dollar store at another location. Authorities suspect Pan Goatee was involved in that beheading and dismemberment as well.”

The anchorman stopped to put his right eyeball back in its socket after it had popped out.

The anchorman continued, “Tomorrow the 2022 Calgary Stampede will come to an end with a Drag Queen Pancake Breakfast and Sing-A-Long. Among the Drag Queens performing will be Ms. Karla Marx a Communist drag queen. The Calgary Stampede has certainly come a long way since its inception over 100 years ago. Once strictly for white heterosexual pronoun fascist male misogynistic cowboys (to quote our beloved Prime Minister Justin Trudeau), today it is a rainbow display of unity in diversity.
And speaking of unity in diversity, here is the award winning mural for the Synod On Synodality to be hosted by the Roman Catholic ArchDiocese of Edmonton, the Diocese of Calgary and the Diocese of Saint Paul in Alberta.”

“It was designed by Ms. Gaius Femalus Undefinedus Transgenderus,” the anchorman added.

. . .

Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) was meeting with an aide to discuss his upcoming trip to the Canadian province of Alberta.

“Unholy Father,” his aide said, “an entity that’s a demon buffalo head would like to meet you to discuss interfaith dialogue.”

“And where should I meet him?” Bergoglio wanted to know, “At the site of a former residential school where I’ll be saying “I’m sorry” to First Nations peoples, at Sacre-Coeur Church in Edmonton where I’ll be saying “I’m sorry” to First Nations peoples or at the Lac St. Anne pilgrimage where I’ll be saying “I’m sorry” to First Nations peoples?”.

“That’s a good question,” his aide answered, “I’ll ask my Reiki massage therapist and tarot card reader who’s been acting as a medium channel for him.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 16th
2022.

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The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat In Washington DC

January 27, 2021 at 11:34 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was out shoveling the sidewalks in front of the house where he rented a room because it had snowed overnight.

“Just wait until I get my hands on those bloody frost giants of the old Norse pantheon,” Pan Goatee seethed, “They won’t live to fight the Battle of Ragnarok.”

The satyr pushed some more snow away.

“Just wait until I get my hands on Loki the Norse trickster god,” Goatee vowed, “He won’t live to fight the Battle of Ragnarok.”

Just then to Pan Goatee’s horror, a repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp came walking down the sidewalk.

She was walking down the sidewalk walking her dog.

“Bloody Hell,” Goatee noted, “That’s all I need to ruin my day is having to look at some fat ugly blimp. A two-legged dog (who are all ugly) out walking her four legged dog (who are generally cute).”

“Well, it would look pretty stupid the other way around,” Mr. Ed the Talking Horse remarked as he clomped by dragging an old milk wagon behind him, “If it was a four legged dog out walking a two legged dog.”

Mr. Ed stopped in front of a house down the street as Norman Newman the mailman turned milkman reached for a couple of jugs of fresh milk.

“Shit, the milk has frozen!” Norman Newman the mailman turned milkman called out.

“Well, I told you not to deliver milk in a milk wagon in the middle of a snowstorm,” Mr. Ed the Talking Horse pointed out as he smoked his Cuban cigar, “But did you listen? NO! What do I know you probably figured? I’m just a horse! Even though I won first prize in a Latin poetry writing competition a couple of years ago. Beating out 2018 humans I might add.”

Meanwhile Pan Goatee had by this time beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

“And not only are you fat and ugly,” Goatee gave his aesthetic adjudication, “but you’re guilty of cruelty to animals as well. How do you think this poor dog feels having to walk around the neighbourhood with a fat ugly blimp such as yourself?”.

Indeed the dog was already running down the street enjoying his new found glorious freedom.

Krampus the goat demon hybrid arrived on the scene to gather up the 999 trillion pieces of the fat ugly blimp, put them in his sack and carry them down to Hades.

After crossing the River Styx, Cerberus the 3-headed dog peed and crapped all over the fat ugly blimp’s remains when he heard about her gargantuan cruelty to animals.

Meanwhile Loki the Norse trickster god made the mistake of walking by Pan Goatee.

Loki immediately found himself being beheaded by Pan Goatee’s laser astral machete.

“I hate it when that happens,” Loki’s head remarked as it rolled down the street.

. . .

“I see priests in the Catholic Archdiocese of Washington DC are lining up to hear Hunter Biden’s confession,” Amadeus Emanon remarked as he ate a bagel, “I wonder why they’re lining up to hear Hunter Biden’s confession?”.

“Beelzebub knows,” Uncle Ernie remarked as he fed a spoonful of crack cocaine to an Australian house fly, “Several Catholic priests in this diocese are trying to talk me into converting from Ashkenazi Judaism to Roman Catholicism for some reason.”

“That’s strange,” Amadeus admitted.

“It is,” Uncle Ernie nodded, “It probably means I’ll have to reglue my foreskin to my Jolly Roger if I want to covert from Ashkenazi Judaism to Roman Catholicism.”

Uncle Ernie held up the small glass bottle that had once been used to store a plastic contact lens but which was now home to Uncle Ernie’s foreskin which had been separated on and off from Uncle Ernie’s Jolly Roger all these many years.

“I wonder if that’s what the Canadian folk music band Captain Tractor meant by their song lyrics… When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores?,” Amadeus mused aloud.

“I don’t remember Regina,” Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie reflected on his past trips to Canada and Saskatchewan in particular, “I do remember I got my Jolly Roger caught in Moose Jaw down in the Al Capone Prohibition Booze era tunnels.”

. . .

“As we all know, Donald Trump incited an erection.”
-New York Sen. Chuck Schumer
coming out of the closet
on the U.S. Senate floor

. . .

A Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat was walking the streets of Washington DC.

The metal rat built by Havana Cuba based sanity challenged scientist Dr. Ja Oui Khan for Huawei Technologies of China had the skull of a demon buffalo put on its head by the Norse trickster god Loki prior to South African witch doctor Dr. Sterling Makabo restoring the skull to life turning it into a full fledged Demon Buffalo Head.

Ironically enough, Loki’s head was now missing from his body.

The Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat had been given the ability to detect and analyze thoughts.

It could tell those people who thought like Communists from those who didn’t think like Communists.

Those people who didn’t think like Communists the Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat gored to death with his demon buffalo horns.

The CEOs of Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Google as well as the CEO of United Airlines were all safe from death at the horns of the Demon Buffalo Headed Metal Rat.

As were all the editors and reporters at the Washington Post, New York Times, CNN, MSNBC, NBC, CBS, ABC, BBC, Global News Canada and Fox News.

To say nothing of the entire Democratic Congressional and Senate caucuses and 2/3 of the Republican Congressional and Senate caucuses.

As well as all the members of the Biden-Harris Administration.

“I failed, I failed,” the ghost of Sen. Joe McCarthy sobbed as he walked down the streets of Washington DC.

“Wow, that really blows my mind,” Hunter Biden commented as he sat at the gates of the White House smoking a pipe of crack cocaine.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 27th
2021

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Aphrodite At The Sherlockian Club In London

January 22, 2021 at 11:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )


The Greek goddess Aphrodite at The Sherlockian Club in London

Aphrodite was sitting in one of the reading rooms at an exclusive men’s club in London.

Even though only men were allowed in the club, for some reason, none of the men present in the club this night objected to her being there.

The Sherlockian Club was founded well over a century ago in the year 1912 to honour the great British consulting detective Sherlock Holmes.

Its first President was one Winston Churchill a British MP and sometimes cabinet minister.

No wearing of masks and no social distancing went on at the Sherlockian Club.

That’s because its current President was one Renfield R. Renfield a British MP and sometime cabinet minister (whenever it was a minority government situation).

However none of the Sherlockian Club members got Covid, got sick or died.

The same couldn’t be said for one nursing home in Italy where there hadn’t been any deaths the past few years but as soon as all the nursing home residents were vaccinated with the Pfizer vaccine 2 weeks ago, 8 residents had dropped dead like flies the past 2 weeks.

And there was the stupendously great baseball player and baseball home run king Hank Aaron (one who didn’t use steroids to hit his record home runs like later players did) who publicly received the vaccine for Covid two weeks ago in an effort to show all Americans that the vaccine was safe.

Now today he was dead.

No doubt Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi were offering prayers of thanks to Beelzebub that they had received the vaccine injections with the caps on.

Aphrodite was at the Sherlockian Club in London because her World Mythology and Folklore instructor at Oxford Prof. William Charles was going to read aloud a paper she wrote last year on the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake.

Prof. William Charles in addition to being an Associate Professor of Mythology, Folklore, Vampirism, Lycanthropy and Paranormal Studies at Oxford University was a member of the Sherlockian Club.

As Aphrodite sat in one of the lounges of the Sherlockian Club waiting for Prof. William Charles’ speech to begin in the central dining hall

she soon found herself joined by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

“I’m anxious to hear your paper on the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake,” Dracul stated.

“Well, we’ve got an hour to kill before the lecture begins,” Aphrodite smiled, “Why don’t I give you a spanking and then we can make out?”.

“A splendid idea,” Van Helsing agreed.

30 minutes later the ghost of Orson Welles inadvertently walked into the room.

“Why does this always happen to me?” Welles’ ghost sighed once again playing the role of the ghostly voyeur.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 22nd
2021.

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