Geneva Convention- Baphomet Style

June 20, 2018 at 10:47 pm (Aesthetics, Arts, Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Philosophy, Politics, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Geneva Convention- Baphomet Style

DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was riding a transit bus 🚌 making sure the local transit system adhered to his Nietzschean principles of aesthetic beauty.

Just then an ugly looking high school girl boarded the bus.

Pan Goatee vomited 🤮 all over the person sitting next to him.

“You can probably get that out with Ultra-Tide laundry detergent,” Pan said as he stood up and removed his laser machete from his Angela Merkel emblazoned boxer shorts.

As the ugly looking high school girl stood by the back door of the bus, Pan Goatee immediately beheaded her and then cut her up into tiny little pieces.

He then pulled a whiskey bottle that contained Doppelgänger (a lethal combination of Irish Guinness and Greek Ouzo) out of his Hawaiian tropical shirt pocket and said, “Never send a sober nanite to do a drunken nanite’s job.”

He then poured the alcohol into the mouths of the already vomiting 🤮 nanoparticles sickened by the aesthetically challenged body parts of the ugly high school girl (who had even been considered too ugly to star in the horror flick High School of the Living Dead for which she recently auditioned).

The nanites then ate the body parts and continued vomiting 🤮 en masse.

Pan Goatee exited through the emergency hatch at the top of the bus as the nanite vomit continued to rise and ended up drowning all the passengers and the bus driver.

. . .

Donald Trump smiled at the TV camera as he signed an executive order banning the separation of immigrant children from their parents.

He then opened a box of Christmas pie he had been saving since last Christmas, put in his thumb, pulled out a plum and said, “What a good boy am I.”

Melania Trump and Ivanka Trump vomited 🤮 all over the Lincoln Bedroom after watching the spectacle on television.

Abe Lincoln’s ghost remarked, “I don’t blame you” as he spewed forth a nasty 🤢 looking flow of ectoplasm out of his mouth which no doubt would have caused the Ghostbusters (in the original 1984 film) to give up their day jobs.

. . .

As Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was getting an anonymous tip about a satanic cult performing a human sacrifice tomorrow in Geneva, Switzerland 🇨🇭, members of the satanic cult The Legion of Apollinarius were getting ready for their own H. P. Lovecraft style take on Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Eve.

The priest Petrus Romanus Puer Miratio Robinus was getting ready for the human sacrifice tomorrow night.

A Swiss cuckoo clock that had a bat 🦇 out of Hell for a cuckoo bird came out of the clock riding a fiery blazing chopper motorcycle 🏍 announcing the time.

Petrus was consulting the Swiss gypsy medium Heidi Hannibal in the steam furnace basement room of the early 20th Century church building where the human sacrifice would take place tomorrow night in the chapel and altar above.

Swiss gypsy medium Heidi Hannibal

“Hello Baphomet, are you there?” Petrus asked as Heidi Hannibal went into a channeling trance.

“I am,” Baphomet spoke in a deeply diabolical baritone voice through the lovely Swiss blonde.

“You must have a nice singing voice,” Petrus recalled a line that Bill Murray had used in the 1984 film Ghostbusters.

“You should hear me sing the role of Mephistopheles in Charles Gounod’s opera Faust,” Baphomet answered through Heidi Hannibal, “I even sing it better than Mephistopheles himself.”

“That I can believe,” answered Petrus who wasn’t impressed by Mephistopheles’ falsetto style voice.

“Have you made all the arrangements for tomorrow’s Midsummer Night’s non-Anglican Evensong service and satanic sacrifice?” Baphomet asked.

“The boys’ choir is putting in extra time,” Petrus admitted, “our lead singer just hit puberty last night after encountering Heidi wearing a short skirt.”

“Hm, I can see that happening,” Baphomet admitted, “make sure Heidi goes nowhere near the boys in the choir until after tomorrow night’s service.”

“I’ll do that, your Infernalness,” Petrus bowed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 20th
2018.

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In A Cave In Geneva

April 20, 2014 at 6:17 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, Mystery/horror, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

In A Cave In Geneva

The man who had accepted the mysterious figure’s offer on the top of Mount Everest and had then flown around the world in a supersonic jet (owned by a Park Avenue New York City billionaire) after having done so was now standing in a cave in Geneva Switzerland.

He was tied to ropes and was about to descend down a hole to a very deep pit in the bottom of the cave.

Some said the pit was bottomless and went deep down to the very bowels of the Earth itself.

The man with his arms outstretched proceeded to descend.

“Say, did anyone here know that this particular Easter Sunday is Hitler’s 125th birthday?” Somebody in the man’s party asked.

“Quiet you fool,” another man spoke in a very commanding and authoritative voice.

The man with the commanding and authoritative voice was dressed in a red robe with a red hood.

He resembled a medieval monk but was wearing an insignia on the front of his robe that no known monastic order of the Middle Ages wore.

The man dressed as a monk then spoke in ancient Hebrew and Ancient Greek and ancient Latin as the man in the ropes hovered over the bottomless pit.

At that moment, a spectral entity rose up out of the bottomless pit and entered the man’s body.

To some observers at the top, it looked like the entity resembled the figure depicted by classical Hindu statues of Shiva the Destroyer.

To others, the entity resembled the figure depicted by classical statues of the ancient Greco-Roman god Apollo.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 20th
2014.

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And So The Winter Sun Starts To Set On January 2014

January 28, 2014 at 12:23 am (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

And So The Winter Sun Starts To Set On January 2014

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set walked the streets of London in search of blood.

After biting a few Londoners and draining them of their blood, he showed them what a pain in the neck he could be in London after midnight.

An even bigger pain in the neck than silent film star Lon Chaney Sr.

In cyberspace, he was also searching for blood.

After a recent conversation he had with his company Set Enterprises Laboratories’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, he needed some of the late Pope John Paul II’s blood for the Rocher plan to succeed.

So Set put an ad on eBay saying he’d pay £2 million to anyone who could bring him a genuine vial of the late Pope John Paul II’s blood.

As Set checked the BBC News app on his Galaxy Android phone while draining the blood of and at the same time having coital relations with a beautiful mini skirted Russian girl on the sidewalks of London, he noticed a news story that a holy relic containing the blood of the late Pope John Paul II had been stolen from a chapel in Italy.

Hm, that’s a good sign, Set thought.

“I’m an Aquarius,” was the beautiful mini skirted Russian girl’s last words as she died trying to fix the holes in her torn nylon stockings.

. . .

Pan Goatee was sitting in his Washington DC apartment getting a blow job from a young Monica Lewinsky lookalike while reading a personally autographed copy of former U. S. President Bill Clinton’s autobiography.

On the television screen in the room was a news story about Pope Francis freeing two doves from the window of the Apostolic Palace in the Vatican with the help of two small children.

Only minutes before the two papal peace doves were released, Pope Francis had called for peace in Ukraine.

Then no sooner had the two doves been released by the two children at the window then both birds were attacked much to the horror of tens of thousands of on-lookers in St. Peter’s Square.

An enormous seagull and a huge black crow attacked the two doves.

One dove managed to escape the seagull but the black crow continued to peck at the other dove drawing blood.

“I’ve got a stain on my blue dress!” The Monica Lewinsky lookalike shouted as Pan Goatee came with the full force of a volcanic eruption from Mount Vesuvius.

“Here take this,” Pan Goatee handed her a gift card for a full steam cleaning at a DC Chinese laundry.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was sitting in his office.

His shortwave radio was picking up a radio station from Texas.

“Hi friends, this is Texe Marrs,” the Texan voice on the radio drolled.

Putin was reading an intercepted CIA report where the CIA agent had written that he had it on the highest authority of a retired U.S. Air Force officer in Texas that the recent anti-government protests in Kiev Ukraine (the current Ukrainian government were staunch allies of Putin’s Russia) was the direct result of a Jewish conspiracy based on an obscure passage in a medieval Khazar translation of the Babylonian Talmud.

Putin pounded the table, “Damn Jews.”

. . .

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was sitting in his office.

He had in front of him a handwritten note written and sent to him by the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis.

Isis offered to help him build a Third Jewish Temple on the Temple Mount provided he promised to erect a statue of her husband Osiris within the Temple.

Netanyahu sighed.

How was it he was getting messages from all the crazies today?

Earlier he had received an email from a Chinese-Canadian using a Government of Canada Dept. of Health Canada email address offering to sell him the original Golem of Prague if the price was right.

The fellow claimed he had won it in a Destinations Europe contest he had entered.

. . .

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was in Geneva Switzerland ostensibly to attend the Geneva II Conference of Peace Talks on Syria.

But an extremely cold Swiss winter had frozen the country’s buttermilk supply.

And Magog used drinking buttermilk as an antidote to his turning into a werewolf.

So instead of attending the conference, Magog walked around the streets of Geneva on all furry fours growling and snarling and eating people.

The people he ate were for the most part tourists who remained stationary long enough for them to take pics of him with their smart phones and upload them to Instagram and Facebook.

And in the process, they remained stationary long enough for him to eat them.

Magog belched loudly as he passed the evening prayer service of a Swiss Reformed Church whose congregation was singing that old southern U.S. spiritual song, “Ezekiel saw the wheel way up in the middle of the air…”

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 27th
2014.

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Renfield In Davos

January 22, 2014 at 7:17 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield In Davos

Renfield R. Renfield was in Davos Switzerland getting ready for the World Economic Forum.

He was disturbed by reports that his boss Set’s estranged and separated wife the Vampiress Martini was seen all over Davos with Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf.

Mittendorf himself had not been seen for 30 years.

Then a few weeks ago, Mittendorf suddenly appeared in public again- in the arms of the Vampiress Martini.

Martini and Mittendorf were seen partying in Geneva.

Mittendorf and Martini were seen partying in Zurich.

Martini and Mittendorf were seen eating basil leafs in Basel.

Mittendorf and Martini were seen yodeling on the Matterhorn.

Martini and Mittendorf were seen live on CNN being rescued by helicopter to escape an avalanche on the Matterhorn said to have been caused by the sound of lousy yodeling.

Renfield wondered whether these two might be secretly planning something against his boss.

Then to top it off, there were reports that agents of his boss’ arch-enemy the Paris based Vampiress Isis were seen attending the Geneva II Peace Conference Talks on Syria that today were held in the Swiss city of Montreux.

Then agents of the Vampiress Isis were also seen in anti-government protests in the streets of the Ukrainian capital of Kiev.

Finally agents of Isis were seen in anti-government protests on the streets of Bangkok Thailand.

Renfield wondered what in the world was going on…

…especially as he viewed the unbelievable and incomprehensible positions he was now seeing on the Internet porn site he was at…

He looked over at his friend and fellow employee Amadeus Emanon to see how he was coping with the world situation.

Amadeus was contentedly munching on Swiss chocolates and humming, “The hills are alive with the sound of music…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 22nd
2014.

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A Birthday In North Korea and A Night In Switzerland

January 7, 2014 at 8:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

A Birthday In North Korea and A Night In Switzerland

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un was hoping to get some nookie on his birthday from the Welsh vampiress Morgana a rising pop star in the west who often shot music videos in North Korea because she didn’t have to pay her extras there.

Kim already had his uncle executed last month for daring to make sexual advances on Morgana although the story manufactured for the Western press was that he was guilty of treason against the state (although for Kim Jong-un like England’s King Henry VIII many centuries before him, to dally or to try to dally with the object of the tyrant’s sexual desires was treason against the state).

“Please, please, Morgana,” Kim begged, “after all it’s my birthday.”

“Beat it creep,” Morgana slapped his face, turned into a bat and flew away.

Retired basketball star Dennis Rodman had walked into Kim’s bedroom at that moment and saw what happened.

“She won’t give me any nookie for my birthday,” Kim bawled.

Rodman said, “Wow, bummer.”

“No thanks,” Kim replied.

. . .

The Invisible Man elusive Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf had finally managed to track down where exactly the Vampiress Martini was living in Switzerland.

Mittendorf had become invisible back in the early 1980s when he had drunk an invisibility potion made for him by a promising young sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

Dr. Rocher had neglected to tell the Swiss billionaire that he hadn’t yet developed an antidote for it.

And so Lester Mittendorf had remained invisible ever since.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher went on to become the Chief Scientist at Set Enterprises Laboratories the scientific research and development firm owned by the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

As for Mittendorf, he thought he had finally stumbled upon the answer to his invisibility problem last year.

In an ancient alchemical text he came across, it was written that if one had drunk an invisibility potion and had become invisible and couldn’t get back to becoming visible again, to get bit on the neck by a vampiress would make one visible again.

Mittendorf had heard that the Vampiress Martini the heiress to the Romanov billions (she had been married back in 1931 to George Count Brasov a nephew of Czar Nicholas II and the heir to the Russian Imperial Throne) was alive and undead and well and living in Switzerland.

Ironically the Vampiress Martini had been briefly married to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (the current employer of sanity challenged scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher).

Set and Martini had separated due to irreconcilable differences (translation: Viagara didn’t work so well for vampires).

Mittendorf had traced Martini down to this particular Swiss chalet.

At first, Martini was somewhat surprised to encounter an invisible man.

She had never seen one before (although she still hadn’t seen one).

She agreed to bite Mittendorf on the neck.

They went up to her bed room to make out.

After all, why settle for a bite on the neck when you can have the whole package?

. . .

Russian billionaire Mikhail Khodorkovsky knocked on the door of the Vampiress Martini’s Swiss chalet.

The ex-oil tycoon had been released from jail in Russia last month when he got a Presidential pardon from Russian President Vladimir Putin who was anxious to build up good PR for himself ahead of next month’s Sochi Winter Olympics.

Khodorkovsky was now living in Switzerland for the next 3 months. His two sons already attended school there.

He had heard about the vampiress Martini and checked Google Maps to find out where in Switzerland she was living (something Mittendorf hadn’t done which is what took him so long to locate her).

No answer on the door.

Khodorkovsky opened it.

He heard a strange noise coming from upstairs.

He decided to investigate.

He walked up the stairs of the chalet and then down the hall to the bedroom.

He opened the door and there on the blanketless bed was the Vampiress Martini making out with elusive Swiss billionaire Lester Mittendorf who was only half-way to becoming visible again.

“Oh my God,” Khodorkovsky gasped.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 7th
2014.

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Napoleon’s 244th Birthday and The Ghosts of Antiochus Epiphanes and Alexander The Great

August 15, 2013 at 6:19 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Napoleon’s 244th  Birthday and The Ghosts of Antiochus Epiphanes and Alexander The Great

As ghosts continued to leave Hades by the thousands after Cerberus abandoned his post at the River Styx (the 3-headed dog was currently frolicking on a Mexican beach drinking Mexican Bulldogs which was a combination of Margarita and Corona beer and then complaining about the bill since all 3 heads were imbibing) , the ghost of Antiochus Epiphanes was walking the streets of Damascus and looking at all the carnage and said, “Well if people really want, I’ll gladly become King of Syria again.”

At the moment he spoke those words,  a small but powerful tremor shook the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

                 .            .             .

At the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, the ghosts of Alexander The Great, his generals and his soldiers had taken over the facility.

For Alexander being the great genius he was with his strategic frame of mind and tactical insight had realized that by taking over the CERN Large Hadron Collider, he could make himself the Master of Time and thus the Master of the Universe.

                  .            .            .

The ghost of Napoleon Bonaparte had taken over Magog Rhys Petley’s hotel room in Cairo much to the British Labour MP’s displeasure.

Magog had gone out to see what cheap souvenirs he could pick up at the neighbourhood bazaar.

Napoleon decided to mark his 244th birthday which was today by having a bunch of harem style dancing girls dancing for him in the hotel room.

He had also ordered a cake personally baked for him by world famous Toronto Ontario based cake maker Joanna Lo the Caking Girl (made in the shape of the City of Paris) .

He also had 244 candles placed on the cake by one of the dancing girls and then another dancing girl (with a low-cut top)  bent over to light them all.

Napoleon’s ghost then made a wish (which was to rule the world) and then tried to blow out all 244 candles.

But seeing as how Napoleon was now spirit, he could not blow out physical objects.

A huge fire broke out in the hotel room.

                      .          .           .

Authorities blamed the hotel fire on the Muslim Brotherhood and used that as an excuse for rounding up and arresting more members.

Magog consoled himself by licking the lovely yet slightly singed breasts of a beautiful woman who said her breasts were singed when she had to light 244 candles on a birthday cake.

To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
 written by Christopher
 Thursday August 15th
 2013.

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The Times- They Are A Changin’

July 5, 2012 at 8:36 pm (Commentary) (, , , , , , )

As that old 1960s song went, “The times- they are a changin’…”

In the year 2012, wise men seeking God find a particle in a Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.

2000 years ago, wise men seeking God find a Baby in a small manger in Bethlehem.

Indeed, the times- they are a changin’ ….

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