Pan Goatee Beheads World’s Fattest and Ugliest Fat Ugly Blimp

February 23, 2022 at 11:03 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee the down to earth and very much above water Jacques Cousteau of the early 21st Century: The environmentalist hero who punishes those who pollute the aesthetic environment of planet Earth

Even some of the greatest and mightiest demons of Hell cannot stand the sight of fat ugly blimps.

That is especially the case with the demon Asmodeus the demon of lust who’s mentioned in the Book of Tobit.

Asmodeus being a demon with exceptionally good taste (unlike the demons Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Moloch) only lusted after beautiful women.

He certainly didn’t lust after ugly women.

And he especially didn’t lust after the ugliest of ugly women- fat ugly blimps (unlike Sheldon Cooper the brainless self-proclaimed genius with incredibly bad taste in women on The Big Bang Theory).

Thus after having gone off on a bender with his buddy Nimrod the little green frog in Reykjavik Iceland, the two had become separated.

Asmodeus to his huge misfortune had wound up in the City of Calgary- a city well known for its quite repulsively ugly women.

Especially many of the white women.

Calgary’s ugly white women certainly shot the Nazi and Ku Klux Klan theory of white supremacy all to Hell.

Nimrod the little green frog was far more lucky.

He wound up in the town of Moose Jaw Saskatchewan where he was currently sipping Mai Tais and Pina Coladas and relaxing in the waters of the Temple Gardens Mineral Health Spa and discussing Fox Mulder, The X-Files, Steve Martin and Burton Cummings with Japanese tourists.

Asmodeus suddenly found himself boarding a Calgary Transit bus.

As the cigarette smoking demon of lust told a reporter afterwards,

“After the world’s fattest and ugliest fat ugly blimp was so obnoxious and inconsiderate as to board a Calgary transit bus this afternon sickening people with the sheer repulsiveness of her fat ugly definitely facially aesthetically challenged face not to mention making it difficult for people to walk down the aisle to get by the fat cow as the fat cow took up the entire space of the bus aisle from one end to the other.
No doubt this fat uglo is single handedly responsible for all the shortages of groceries on Calgary’s store shelves rather than the Freedom Convoy truckers’ blockade on the Coutts Alberta/Sweetgrass Montana Canada U.S. border.”

The demon Asmodeus then went into cardiac arrest after seeing such a fat ugly blimp of a woman and had to be rushed to Peter Lougheed Hospital.

While there a Dr. Andrew Cuomo (who looked suspiciously like the former Governor of New York State) diagnosed Asmodeus with Covid and sent him to recover in Buckingham Palace in the same bedroom as Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

A gnome called Jarod Jerome Le Gnome (who served in the Last Days Army of Gnomes and Leprechauns being trained by Chiron the centaur) was so offended by the world’s fattest and ugliest fat ugly blimp not wearing a paper bag over her head when she went out in public that he punched the obese uglo in her fat ugly face 999 trillion times.

The finishing touches were administered by world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee who beheaded the fat ugly blimp with his astral laser machete and then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the demon goat of Hell arrived on the scene who then carried the fat ugly blimp’s remains down to Tartarus in Hell.

All of Cerberus’ 3 heads started vomiting non-stop when Krampus walked by with ultra-fatso ultra-uglo’s remains.

Hades sent Cerberus up to Earth until he stopped vomiting.

Cerberus went to Justin Trudeau’s residence in Ottawa where the three heads continued to vomit.

In an effort to get Cerberus to leave, Justin Trudeau promised to revoke and drop the Emergencies Act.

Thus Cerberus and his three vomiting heads had managed to (at least temporarily) restore freedom and democracy to Canada.

. . .

The ghost of King Agamemnon of Mycenae was walking the streets of Kiev Ukraine.

Agamemnon’s ghost would be fighting on the side of the Russians should the Russians invade Kiev.

For the ghost of Prince Paris of Troy had come to possess the body of a human looking AI robot (invented by one of Elon Musk’s top scientists Tesla Thoth Merlin) and that Prince Paris possessed AI had kidnapped Russian President Vladimir Putin’s favourite mistress and brought her to Kiev.

Agamemnon had once again foolishly slain a deer sacred to Artemis as he walked in some woods not far from Kiev.

As such he must once again sacrifice his daughter Iphigenia this time in spirit form.

As such he had hired spirit cook Marina Abramovic to help him out on this one.

Clytemnestra was once again plotting the murder of her husband Agamemnon this time in the spirit realm.

Agamemnon’s daughter Electra was currently ghost writing a book called Daddy Dearest.

And Agamemnon’s son Prince Orestes was currently discussing healthy father/son relationships with Dr. Phil and the late Prince Hamlet of Denmark.

Meanwhile the ghost of Prince Hector of Troy was being brought in to fight on the Ukrainian side should the Russians invade Kiev.

The question that now loomed on everyone’s mind was, would the ghost of Achilles be brought in to fight on the side of the Russians?

As for the ghost of Achilles, he was sitting in a nightclub in Casablanca drowning his sorrows.

When suddenly a woman in a white dress and white hat walked in through the door.

“Why,” Achilles asked himself, “of all the gin joints in all the world did she have to walk into this one?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 23rd
2022.

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