Pan Goatee Beheads World’s Fattest and Ugliest Fat Ugly Blimp

February 23, 2022 at 11:03 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee the down to earth and very much above water Jacques Cousteau of the early 21st Century: The environmentalist hero who punishes those who pollute the aesthetic environment of planet Earth

Even some of the greatest and mightiest demons of Hell cannot stand the sight of fat ugly blimps.

That is especially the case with the demon Asmodeus the demon of lust who’s mentioned in the Book of Tobit.

Asmodeus being a demon with exceptionally good taste (unlike the demons Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Moloch) only lusted after beautiful women.

He certainly didn’t lust after ugly women.

And he especially didn’t lust after the ugliest of ugly women- fat ugly blimps (unlike Sheldon Cooper the brainless self-proclaimed genius with incredibly bad taste in women on The Big Bang Theory).

Thus after having gone off on a bender with his buddy Nimrod the little green frog in Reykjavik Iceland, the two had become separated.

Asmodeus to his huge misfortune had wound up in the City of Calgary- a city well known for its quite repulsively ugly women.

Especially many of the white women.

Calgary’s ugly white women certainly shot the Nazi and Ku Klux Klan theory of white supremacy all to Hell.

Nimrod the little green frog was far more lucky.

He wound up in the town of Moose Jaw Saskatchewan where he was currently sipping Mai Tais and Pina Coladas and relaxing in the waters of the Temple Gardens Mineral Health Spa and discussing Fox Mulder, The X-Files, Steve Martin and Burton Cummings with Japanese tourists.

Asmodeus suddenly found himself boarding a Calgary Transit bus.

As the cigarette smoking demon of lust told a reporter afterwards,

“After the world’s fattest and ugliest fat ugly blimp was so obnoxious and inconsiderate as to board a Calgary transit bus this afternon sickening people with the sheer repulsiveness of her fat ugly definitely facially aesthetically challenged face not to mention making it difficult for people to walk down the aisle to get by the fat cow as the fat cow took up the entire space of the bus aisle from one end to the other.
No doubt this fat uglo is single handedly responsible for all the shortages of groceries on Calgary’s store shelves rather than the Freedom Convoy truckers’ blockade on the Coutts Alberta/Sweetgrass Montana Canada U.S. border.”

The demon Asmodeus then went into cardiac arrest after seeing such a fat ugly blimp of a woman and had to be rushed to Peter Lougheed Hospital.

While there a Dr. Andrew Cuomo (who looked suspiciously like the former Governor of New York State) diagnosed Asmodeus with Covid and sent him to recover in Buckingham Palace in the same bedroom as Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

A gnome called Jarod Jerome Le Gnome (who served in the Last Days Army of Gnomes and Leprechauns being trained by Chiron the centaur) was so offended by the world’s fattest and ugliest fat ugly blimp not wearing a paper bag over her head when she went out in public that he punched the obese uglo in her fat ugly face 999 trillion times.

The finishing touches were administered by world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee who beheaded the fat ugly blimp with his astral laser machete and then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the demon goat of Hell arrived on the scene who then carried the fat ugly blimp’s remains down to Tartarus in Hell.

All of Cerberus’ 3 heads started vomiting non-stop when Krampus walked by with ultra-fatso ultra-uglo’s remains.

Hades sent Cerberus up to Earth until he stopped vomiting.

Cerberus went to Justin Trudeau’s residence in Ottawa where the three heads continued to vomit.

In an effort to get Cerberus to leave, Justin Trudeau promised to revoke and drop the Emergencies Act.

Thus Cerberus and his three vomiting heads had managed to (at least temporarily) restore freedom and democracy to Canada.

. . .

The ghost of King Agamemnon of Mycenae was walking the streets of Kiev Ukraine.

Agamemnon’s ghost would be fighting on the side of the Russians should the Russians invade Kiev.

For the ghost of Prince Paris of Troy had come to possess the body of a human looking AI robot (invented by one of Elon Musk’s top scientists Tesla Thoth Merlin) and that Prince Paris possessed AI had kidnapped Russian President Vladimir Putin’s favourite mistress and brought her to Kiev.

Agamemnon had once again foolishly slain a deer sacred to Artemis as he walked in some woods not far from Kiev.

As such he must once again sacrifice his daughter Iphigenia this time in spirit form.

As such he had hired spirit cook Marina Abramovic to help him out on this one.

Clytemnestra was once again plotting the murder of her husband Agamemnon this time in the spirit realm.

Agamemnon’s daughter Electra was currently ghost writing a book called Daddy Dearest.

And Agamemnon’s son Prince Orestes was currently discussing healthy father/son relationships with Dr. Phil and the late Prince Hamlet of Denmark.

Meanwhile the ghost of Prince Hector of Troy was being brought in to fight on the Ukrainian side should the Russians invade Kiev.

The question that now loomed on everyone’s mind was, would the ghost of Achilles be brought in to fight on the side of the Russians?

As for the ghost of Achilles, he was sitting in a nightclub in Casablanca drowning his sorrows.

When suddenly a woman in a white dress and white hat walked in through the door.

“Why,” Achilles asked himself, “of all the gin joints in all the world did she have to walk into this one?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 23rd
2022.

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The Ghost of Prince Paris of Troy In Kiev Ukraine

January 31, 2022 at 11:29 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva was riding on a ferry in Alaska

She was wearing some vampiress sunblock invented by Dr. Cadbury Rocher of Set Enterprises to prevent her beautiful and delicate vampiric skin from burning to a crisp in the sunlight.

She was in Alaska to prevent a U.S. invasion of Russia from America by having U.S. forces cross the Bering Strait from Alaska to Siberia.

The idea had been conceived by CNN’s most moronic and imbecilic news commentator Don Lemon (the man that intelligent people referred to as The Sour Fruit).

Lemon (who didn’t do any research of his own but only believed everything that the government and the mainstream media told him) had recently discovered that a part of Alaska was separated from Russian Siberia by only 55 miles across a stretch of water known as the Bering Strait.

Lemon discovered the information by coming across a 2008 Sarah Palin For Vice-President campaign video.

Lemon wasn’t sure if the information in the video was correct so he asked every liberal he knew.

CNN’s Jim Acosta (who was busy playing with himself by viewing Jeffrey Epstein’s personal private photo collection) did not know the answer.

Anderson Cooper was out getting his hair done by his favourite hairstylist so he was unavailable to comment.

Lemon asked Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Kamala Harris, Chuck Schumer, AOC, California Gov. Gavin Newsom, Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot and every other left-wing liberal bozo politician and journalist he could think of if Alaska was separated from Siberia by only 55 miles across the Bering Strait.

None knew the answer.

And since none never did any personal research on their own, they couldn’t discover the answer.

Finally Lemon managed to get in touch with the person who was the only intelligent liberal in America which happened to be YouTube commentator Kim Iversen (a woman who actually did research on her own).

Iversen informed the moronic raisin looking Lemon that yes Alaska was only separated by Siberia some 55 miles at the point of the Bering Strait.

Lemon then phoned Joe Biden and told him to have U.S. troops invade Siberia from Alaska should Vladimir Putin invade Kiev.

Biden thus sent a contingent of 69 transgendered and vaccinated Marines over to Alaska to invade Siberia.

Russian Intelligence which had hacked into the entire U.S. Intelligence (?) Security apparatus informed Putin of the plan.

So Putin sent Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva over to Alaska to stop them.

So now we know the answer to the question, How many Russian vampiresses does it take to wipe out and defeat a contingent of transgendered and vaccinated U.S. Marines?

Just one.

. . .

The pig faced Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau was hiding in a bunker outside Ottawa with his wife and family.

The ghosts of Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun as well as the ghosts of Joseph and Magda Goebbels were keeping them company.

At one point Justin retreated to a small closet where there was a small mirror and put on some Al Jolson minstrel show blackface.

Trudeau looked at some of Jeffrey Epstein’s personal private photo collection while applying and rubbing some black shoe polish to his tiny phallus.

The blackfaced Justin Trudeau then started eating a Salvation Army Food Hamper (that he had ordered one of his bodyguards to steal from a Salvation Army Food Bank) as he fired off a tweet saying that the truck drivers in Ottawa were stealing food from the homeless while flying racist flags.

Behind Justin Trudeau (as he fired off the tweet) stood the ghost of Confederate States of America President Jefferson Davis holding the American Civil War Confederate Republic flag (which was not the same as General Robert E. Lee’s Battle Flag of Northern Virginia despite what moronic liberals and even a few contemporary Republicans might think) and the ghost of Heinrich Himmler who held up the held up the red, black and white Swastika flag of Nazi Germany.

. . .

The pig faced Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau was now in Ottawa taking selected questions from the members of Canada’s brainless mainstream media (who interestingly enough all had brown noses at the press conference).

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was covering the press conference in his podcast.

Blathered Trudeau, “We’re the ones following the science…”

Interjected Renfield, “Justin Trudeau follows the science of Dr. Victor Frankenstein, the science of Dr. Johann Georg Faust and the science of Dr. Ilya Ivanov.”

Trudeau continued to blather, “We’re the ones following the facts…”

Renfield continued to interject, “The “facts” as made up by Joseph Goebbels’ Ministry of Propaganda and the Orwellian 1984 Ministry of Truth.”

“Anybody who disagrees with me is a conspiracy theorist,” Trudeau couldn’t stop blathering.

Renfield pointed out, “In the first century AD, Judea’s Governor Pontius Pilate posed the question, “What is truth?”. In the 21st Century AD we now know the answer- the truth is anything that Justin Trudeau considers a conspiracy theory.”

. . .

One of Elon Musk’s top scientists Tesla Thoth Merlin had invented an AI robot that looked exactly human.

Unfortunately for Tesla Thoth Merlin, earlier this month the ghost of Prince Paris of Troy had been dispensationally released from the Underworld by Hades at the request of the Greek sorceress Circe.

The ghost of Prince Paris of Troy entered the body of the human looking AI robot and possessed it.

The AI Prince Paris of Troy then flew to Moscow Russia where he was wined and dined by Vladimir Putin.

Paris thanked Putin for his hospitality by running off with the Russian President’s favourite mistress to a luxurious house in Kiev Ukraine where they were currently making out together.

As the serpent Ouroboros swallowed his own tail and the Greco-Roman god Ares/Mars let loose the dogs of war, it appears that History has now come full circle.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 31st
2022.

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