Pan Goatee Meets Zeus

March 7, 2016 at 8:44 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Mythology, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Meets Zeus

Pan Goatee was walking down the street enjoying a spring like day when suddenly a facially aesthetically challenged woman breezed by him.

“Ugly looking thing,” Pan Goatee said to himself, “The 24-hour laundromat will still be open when this loser with no social life gets there.”

Pan Goatee removed his machete from his belt and hoofing along on his hooved feet he quickly caught up with the ugly looking creature and beheaded her.

A gentleman with silver curly hair and silver beard applauded him.

“Thanks for the standing ovation,” Pan Goatee bowed, “and may I add, you look very familiar?”.

“You’ve probably seen my picture in the encyclopedia and on TV shows on those rare nights when they actually show interesting programs on The History Channel,” the bearded man replied, “I’m the Greek god Zeus also known as Jove to some and also known as Jupiter to the Romans.”

“That’s where I’ve seen you,” Pan grinned.

“And you look like the god Pan the god of the fields, groves and wooded glens whose death is recorded in Plutarch,” Zeus answered.

“How did he die?” Pan Goatee asked.

“It was drinking some wine that killed him,” Zeus noted sadly.

“It must have been bad wine,” Pan Goatee decided not to enter the wine store he had been headed to.

“Surprisingly it was good wine,” Zeus replied, “the best wine he had tasted in his life were the last words he spoke before croaking.”

“Interesting,” Pan Goatee was enjoying the first handed historical account.

“It happened at a wedding in Cana of Galilee back in the reign of the Emperor Tiberius,” Zeus recalled.

“I must make a note not to attend any weddings,” Pan Goatee made a notation in his iPhone reminders.

“I really appreciate the way you’ve been killing off ugly women,” Zeus complimented the satyr, “these days it’s so hard for me to find a beautiful mortal woman to sleep with and beget some more demi-gods. For supposed progress in evolution like the Darwinists and Marxists assure us is happening, humanity has certainly gone down hill in terms of feminine beauty particularly in English-speaking North America where the application of sharia law and women wearing veils should really be applied.”

“And to think that idiot Donald Trump wants to deport the Mexicans,” Pan said in disgust.

“What fools these mortals be,” Zeus invited him to come with him to visit his son Dionysus’ bar where wine non-lethal to satyrs was being served.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 7th
2016.

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The Bronze Mask of Pan: A Poem

March 25, 2015 at 7:43 pm (Folklore, Mythology, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

The Bronze Mask of Pan: A Poem

And so it came to pass that in the year 2015
a University of Haifa archaeological team
did uncover ancient bronze mask
of the ancient god Pan
outside the ancient Galilean city of Hippos-Sussita was it found
this rare relic unearthed from the ground
Larger than a human head
this mask of faun god long dead
From whence it came?
What’s it for?
So much mystery
at history’s door.
Most masks of this time made of terracotta or stone
making this bronze mask stand alone
most were theatre masks or miniature masks
so this large mask now in glory basks

A bronze mask of Pan…

… from whence it came?

… and what or who was it for?

And so in ancient times the Greek god Pan did wander
on earth below skies where Zeus did thunder
He came upon a neat little town
his throat parched and his lips brown
he would find somewhere to drink
and have his satyr fancy tickled pink

He put on his mask for a disguise
so he wouldn’t be seen by human eyes
The mask was made to look like him
this half-man half-goat not so proper and prim
That way no one would think it he
under bronze crafted so elegantly

In town there was a wedding
at a place with softer bedding
He posed as a wedding guest
though he knew neither bride nor groom
he would have to confess

He did ask for wine
so they gave him a cup
and that was fine

He went outside to drink the wine
and never had he tasted so fine
when he raised his mask to drink
his taste buds tickled pink

Oh such sweet Heaven!
Never did even ambrosia taste like this
surpassing that Olympian drink in heavenly bliss
O nectar divine!
O wine so fine!

Great god Pan lifted his cup to the sky
and then died without even a sigh.

For it was not for seemingly immortal gods was this wine given
but for mortal man so that life was worth livin’

Pan’s body was found by the bride’s father
He realized this would be such a bother
for he recognized the god and knew
he would have to think this through
who would believe his tale when told
he picked up the mask so old
And especially thought the bride’s father
that this god died drinking wine made from water.

And so it was that this day at Cana of Galilee
saw the death of an ancient deity.

-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday March 25th
2015.

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