Pan Goatee Beheads More Uglos As Renfield Takes Action Against Neo-Bolshevik Communists
Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was walking towards one of his favourite Vietnamese restaurants to buy one of their delicious Vietnamese submarine sandwiches.
Suddenly a thin ugly looking white stoat (one of three varieties of ugly looking white women who live in the City of Calgary) came walking down the sidewalk accompanied by her moronic looking son (who no doubt inherited his IQ from his father for marrying such an uglo).
Pan Goatee then beheaded both uglo mother and moronic looking son cutting them up into 999 trillion pieces each.
Goatee then entered the restaurant and ordered the Satay Beef Sub.
He was shortly joined by his new found friend the philosophical frog Marcus Amphibius.
Marcus ate the flies that were trying to land on Pan’s Satay Beef Sub (they too were attracted to the sub’s delicious flavour).
“Attractive looking waitresses who work here,” Marcus noted.
“Very,” Pan agreed, “I noticed from photos and video footage I’ve seen of Vietnam, you don’t see too many ugly looking women over there like you see in many cities in Western Canada.”
“I suspect it’s the influence of Harvard University approved Critical Gender Theory radical feminism here in the so-called Western democracies that’s made so many women quite repulsively ugly,” Marcus Amphibius lit his pipe and started smoking, “Over there in Vietnam, Communism is more of a Ho Chi Minh style Vietnamese nationalism rather than pure Marxism. As the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King pointed out back in the 1960s which is why he wanted the U.S. military to get out of Vietnam.”
“Very true,” Pan agreed, “And Ho Chi Minh’s vampiress granddaughter Ho Babylon Minh is a very beautiful vampiress. No uglo genes in the Minh family.”
“No, the senior Ho had very beautiful women in his harem,” the immortal frog Marcus Amphibius recalled.
Pan Goatee after finishing his sub went for a long walk.
He came upon a small strip mall.
The strip mall had an Atlantic Fish and Chips Restaurant which was notorious for having fat ugly blimps coming in and out of the place.
Sure enough a fat ugly blimp exited the place.
Goatee beheaded the blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
None of the black flies flying around bothered to attack the package of Fish and Chips lying on the ground.
They weren’t as good as Vietnamese submarine sandwiches.
. . .
Disgraced former New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo was having a dream where he was tied up in a water filled dungeon.
Leeches surrounded him and began sucking his blood.
Dr. Anthony Fauci came by rowing on a raft.
“You really should be wearing a face mask a la CDC’s most recent recommendations,” Dr. Fauci put 666 face masks on Cuomo’s face and continued rowing.
. . .
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was doing a Wednesday night podcast.
He covered the matter of Andrew Cuomo’s resignation.
Said Renfield,
“New York’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist Neo-Stalinist Gov. and Apostle of The Antichrist Andrew Cuomo has resigned as Governor of New York amidst sexual harassment allegations.
The jackass who was awarded an Emmy (when it should have been an enema) last year by the brainless mainstream media for his performance during the 2020 Covid pandemic (which was quite literally a performance as he went from “Ventilators! We need more ventilators!” to “We’ve got so many ventilators now, they’re coming out of our ass!”) leaves his office in deserved disgrace.
One Neo-Bolshevik Communist and Apostle of the Antichrist down.
We’ve got several more thousands to go around the globe.”
. . .
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster (who was called Saint Michelangelo the Underwater Revelator by the citizens of Australia) was listening to Renfield’s podcast on his waterproof laptop.
He heard Renfield say, “The Neo-Bolshevik Communist newspaper The Toronto Star is calling on Canada’s Justin Trudeau government to implement a national vaccine passport system.”
Michelangelo then had a vision of Renfield riding a black motorcycle and wearing a black leather jacket with a machine gun on his back driving into the newsroom of The Toronto Star.
He opened fire letting all the Neo-Bolshevik Communist editors and reporters have it as a group of mini skirted beauties behind Renfield sang the Steppenwolf song Born To Be Wild.
Renfield continued, “And in further news from Canada, the supposedly free enterprise Calgary Chamber of Commerce seems to be made up entirely of Neo-Bolshevik Communist Neo-Stalinists and Gates of Hitler Vaccinazis as the assholes, airheads and bozos in that chamber have called for the Alberta government to implement a provincial vaccine passport system.”
Michelangelo then had a vision of Renfield riding a black motorcycle and wearing a black leather jacket with a machine gun on his back driving into the meeting room of the Calgary Chamber of Commerce and opening fire on all the Neo-Bolshevik Communist Neo-Stalinist and Gates of Hitler Vaccinazi businesspeople.
Tina Turner wearing a tight skirted mini dress emblazoned with Renfield’s picture on it then came out and sang to Renfield,
“You’re simply the best
Better than all the rest
Better than anyone
Anyone I ever met
I’m stuck on your heart
I hang on every word you say…. ”
Tina Turner: Would one day sing for Renfield according to Michelangelo’s vision
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 11th
2021.
Michelangelo Sees A Coven of Satanists Sacrificing One of Their Own
“And the light of a candle shall shine no more at all in thee (Mystery Babylon); and the voice of the bridegroom and of the bride shall be heard no more at all in thee (Mystery Babylon); for thy (Mystery Babylon’s) merchants were the great men of the earth; for by thy sorceries were all nations deceived.”
-Book of Revelation 18:23, King James Version
“… for your merchants were the great men of the earth; for by your pharmaceuticals were all nations deceived.”
-Book of Revelation 18:23, Contemporary English Translation
After Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the vicar of Saint Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic C. Of E. Parish Church in West London had read the two different translations of Revelation 18:23, he began his sermon,
“Now the Greek word translated sorcery in the King James Version is pharmakeia from which we get our modern English words “pharmacy” and “pharmaceuticals”. Pharmakeia in the Greek can mean “medicine” or “medication” or “magic” (as in witchcraft or sorcery not a stage show). Now as for “the great men of the earth”, great here means “powerful” not necessarily good…”
Renfield whispered to his friend Amadeus, “I wonder if “the great men of the earth” that Saint John foresaw were named George Soros, Bill Gates, Dr. Anthony Fraudci… I mean Fauci…”
. . .
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises laboratories.
He had just turned off his waterproof reading lamp and fallen asleep.
He then had a dream (or was it a vision?) of a coven of dark robed and red hooded satanists who were performing a satanic ritual ceremony.
The leader of the group was holding a staff bearing the twisting snake symbol of Asclepius the Greco-Roman god of medicine (who was the son of the Olympian god Apollo and the mortal princess Coronis).
The leader’s robe was lifted behind him and another darked robed and red hooded figure was kneeling behind him and kissing his bare buttocks.
At the left hand of the leader was a dark robed and red hooded figure holding an upside down Crucifix.
Actor Tom Cruise who had inadvertently stumbled into Michelangelo’s dream quickly left the dream with eyes wide shut as the ghost of director Stanley Kubrick stood there utterly transfixed and borrowed a line from Marlon Brando, “The horror… the horror…”
The leader spoke, “Tonight is the night one of our own must be sacrificed.”
A large group of dark robed and red hooded figures came up and drew lots from a naked and beautiful priestess of Aphrodite.
As they drew their respective lots, the Michael Jackson song Thriller was played on a record player.
Soon the shortest lot fell on to one.
That figure tripped and fell.
His hood came down revealing New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo.
The leader of the coven dropped his hood revealing one George Soros.
The hooded figure who had been kissing Soros’ backside dropped his hood revealing one Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis).
The figure on Soros’ left who had been holding the upside down Crucifix dropped his hood revealing one Bill Gates.
Others started dropping their hoods and started pointing their fingers at Cuomo.
“You must be sacrificed,” Nancy Pelosi, Dr. Anthony Fauci, New York Sen. Chuck Schumer, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio, California Gov. Gavin Newsom, Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer and Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam all pointed in unison at Cuomo.
As did numerous others.
One lone figure dropped his hood about 20 seconds after the others, started pointing and spoke (after finally getting the instructions on his ear piece), “You must be sacrificed.”
The figure was one Joe Biden who still had his dead German shepherd dog Champ clinging to his leg.
Biden sneezed.
He then stopped pointing and stopped saying “You must be sacrificed” in order to pick up all his boogies off the floor and eat them.
“You must be sacrificed,” the rest continued pointing at Cuomo and speaking in unison.
“Throw him under the bus,” Soros commanded.
The black robed figures picked up Cuomo and threw him under an approaching bus driven by a ferocious looking demon and who had 665 other ferocious looking demons as bus passengers.
And that was the end of New York State’s baby killing and elderly person killing and sexually assaulting governor.
Michelangelo woke up and reached for a peanut butter cookie.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 8th
2021.
Pan Goatee Beheads Erroneous Notion of White Supremacy While Exorcist Recalls Demonically Possessed Nun
Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was once again in the neighbourhood dollar store.
And there in the line-up was another repulsively ugly looking white woman.
There seemed to be a surplus of repulsively ugly looking white women wandering around the dollar store this past week.
What was up with that?
The Calgary Stampede was over.
Ugly looking white women should be back in the corral or the closet where they belong.
It was probably the influence of all these annoying pansies and fruits who go around celebrating Pride Week then Pride Month then Pride Year and now Pride Century, Pan Goatee reasoned.
Soon it will be Pride Millenium.
Instead of a 1000 Year Reich, it will be a 1000 Year Rainbow.
One guarded by Ernst Rohm and not Heimdall.
This ugly looking white woman had blue hair.
Pan Goatee blamed the preponderance of ugly white women in the city, in Alberta and in Canada as a whole on the influence of that odious western world political disease known as Critical Gender Theory radical Marxist feminism.
The abhorrent ideology turned any female who heavily imbibed its contents into a creature so repulsively ugly it caused even the Devil himself to vomit all over the place.
“My God but you’re ugly,” Pan Goatee quoted the John Cleese character of Basil Fawlty as he beheaded the ugly looking white women with blue hair, “You and others like you certainly rip a big hole into that erroneous theory of white supremacy. Any race that produces the likes of you certainly has nothing whatsoever to feel superior about. Hitler must have been insane.”
Goatee went on about Hitler’s insanity as he sliced the ugly white woman with blue hair into 999 trillion pieces, “Some individuals seem to be prone to all sorts of neuroses and psychoses. And I guess Hitler was obviously one of them.”
. . .
As most of the priests in Pope Francis’ Vatican were currently engaged in the Monday night gay sex orgy, the daughter of a Rome boarding house owner was wandering the halls and walls of the Vatican trying to find a priest who would come and administer the Last Rites to one of her mother’s lodgers an elderly priest and long retired exorcist.
The girl happened to run into one of the few heterosexual Vatican curia officials Samhain Cardinal Salaman a former professional stage magician turned Cardinal.
Cardinal Salaman accompanied the girl to her mother’s boarding house and administered the Last Rites to the dying exorcist.
When he had finished administering the Last Rites, the old exorcist spoke.
“There was one exorcism I recall more vividly than all the rest,” said the exorcist, “it was a nun who was demonically possessed.”
“Go on,” the Cardinal nodded, “A nun who was demonically possessed…”
“She was demonically possessed by an entity that identified itself as the Spirit of Pachamama,” the exorcist continued.
“The Spirit of Pachamama?” Cardinal Salaman was astounded.
“Yes,” the exorcist answered, “The nun had become possessed while giving birth to a child. The child’s father, the nun had told her fellow nuns in the convent, was a bishop.”
“How long ago was this, Father?” The cardinal asked the exorcist.
“Many many years ago, Father,” the old exorcist replied.
“Did the child live?” Cardinal Salaman wanted to know.
“Yes, the child lived,” the exorcist nodded.
“How old would the child be now?” Salaman inquired.
The exorcist did not answer.
For he had gone to his reward.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 26th
2021.
Renfield Examines Other Global Issues Besides The Coronavirus
Renfield Examines Other Global Issues Besides The CoronavirusÂ
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was in his room in the colossal mansion on the colossal West London estate of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
He was examining a bunch of briefing papers put together for him by his parliamentary research staff.
As Co-Chairman of the British House of Commons Committee On Global Affairs and International Intelligence Gathering, he would often read these papers each night before bedtime.
At his right hand was a bottle of Drumheller Madame’s Moonshine Remedy For Maladies.
He had kept this bottle in the wine, beer and spirits cellar of the house for years but he decided to open it after reading a comment someone had made on someone else’s blog.
As he downed the bottle while someone sang the song My Corona on the radio in the background, he read the report.
He was currently reading a statement from this past week’s issue of Business Insider Magazine,Â
“A swarm containing an estimated 200 billion locusts was recorded in Kenya and each insect can eat its own weight in food. That equates to about as much food as 84 million people can eat in a day.
The UN fears the number of locusts could grow 500 times as much by June and reach 30 different countries.”
That number of locusts then would be somewhere in the trillions Renfield thought to himself as he made a quick calculation on his antique Chinese abacus.
Renfield then read a circled report from BBC News on how China was sending ducks to battle Pakistan’s locust swarms.
The report went on that apparently ducks can eat up to 200 locusts a day.
They would thus be sending a veritable Air Force of ducks to Pakistan to battle the problem.
And even more interesting they would be using genetically modified ducks with even bigger appetites to go after them.
Renfield then read a notation sent to him by his friend Mei-ling Manchu (the vampiress who still worked for Communist China’s Intelligence Service) and another one from his friend Ho Babylon Minh (the vampiress who had recently defected from Beijing to Taiwan) that a directive had been sent out from Beijing to make sure that the genetically modified ducks (after the operation had been completed) were not then passed off to a market to be sold for human consumption.
The directive ended with the words, “We all know how that didn’t work out for us so well the last time we did something similar in using genetically modified creatures.”
Meanwhile in the Hubei province of China, Private Wo Woo of the People’s Liberation Army Biological and Genetically Modified Animals Unit was about to be shot by firing squad.
Private Woo’s idea of using genetically modified bats to deal with a nasty mosquito infestation had been surprisingly a success.
His idea to earn a little extra money on the side, after the operation was completed, turned out not to be so brilliant.
Private Woo’s last action and last words, before being shot by firing squad, was to hit his forehead with his right hand and say, “Oh, what a dummy. Oh, what a dummy.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by ChristopherÂ
Saturday March 14th
2020.
Gorbachev: From The Berlin Wall to The Mexico Wall
On November 9th, 1989, the Berlin Wall fell heralding the start of a new era for Central and Eastern Europe.
It looked like peace would finally break out over the world.
The nations of Central and Eastern Europe formerly under Communist rule became democracies.
The Soviet Union itself was undergoing a process of democratization under its President and Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Mikhail Gorbachev.
Gorbachev won the Nobel Peace Prize for his achievements in 1990.
Then in August 1991, tragedy struck.
Hardliners in the Soviet Red Army and the Politburo staged a coup against Gorbachev.
Gorbachev was on holidays at his Black Sea dachau in the Crimea at the time.
Meanwhile in Moscow, Russian Federation President Boris Yeltsin climbed on to a tank, raised his fist in the air and shouted his defiance against the hardliners.
The coup eventually collapsed.
Two days after the coup attempt, Gorbachev returned to Moscow but a diminished figure.
The feisty Russian Federation President Boris Yeltsin was now the man of the hour.
By December of 1991, Yeltsin had met with the Presidents of the other Republics of the U.S.S.R. and they had signed a new Treaty forming what was called the Commonwealth of Independent States.
The Soviet Union was now finished in practical reality.
Its legal and formal dissolution occurred on Western Gregorian Calendar Christmas Day- December 25th, 1991 with the stroke of a pen signed by Mikhail Gorbachev’s hand.
Nationalism instead of Communism would emerge as the new driving force in the former Republics of the U.S.S.R.
Such intense nationalism would lead to conflict between Georgia and Russia in 2008 and then between Russia and Ukraine from 2014 until the present day.
And now intense nationalism had come to the world’s other nuclear power- the United States.
Its proponent- a man named Donald Trump.
Within a period of 28 years, the world had gone from the tearing down of a wall that divided the great German city of Berlin to a proposed wall that would be built along the Mexico-U.S. border..
Then in the South China Sea- intense nationalism had likewise taken hold.
China, Japan, the Philippines, Indonesia, Vietnam and Malaysia all laid claim to islands in the South China Sea.
In the Middle East, it looked like a two-state solution for the Israeli-Palestinian conflict was slowly being buried under a policy change in the Trump Administration in Washington DC.
And then there was North Korea with its peculiar extremely isolationist and extremely paranoid form of nationalism
The killing of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un’s brother Kim Jong-nam by lethal use of a poisoned facecloth at Kuala Lumpur International Airport in Malaysia had shown the bizarre turn the world had now taken.
James Bond movies had met with the Apocalypse of the Book of Revelation.
Gorbachev sighed.
He felt in his heart World War III was coming.
Russian and NATO troops were now facing one another on the Polish-Russian border and the Latvian-Russian border.
World War I had begun with the assassination of the ArchDuke Franz Ferdinand the nephew of the Emperor Franz Joseph of Austria.
Perhaps in some twisted sick way, the developing scenario for World War III had begun with the assassination of Kim Jong-nam the half-brother of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.
Perhaps the mysterious disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370 en route from Malaysia to China and the shooting down of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 over Eastern Ukraine was Divine Providence’s way of letting the world know of how the bullet that would start World War III would occur.
It would occur in the form of a poisoned facecloth thrown in Kuala Lumpur Airport.
American reporter Lincoln Steffens had once said “I have seen the future and it works” when he visited the U.S.S.R.
Gorbachev felt within, “I have seen the future and it is dark.”
Steffens turned out to be wrong.
Gorbachev prayed that he was.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 24th
2017.
The Howling of The Frost Giants: A Poem
The Howling of The Frost Giants: A Poem
Outside the house the frost giants howl
preparing for the Norse Ragnarok
December 2016- a descent into darkness
A land of winter but no Christmas
as C.S. Lewis foresaw
A Narnia ruled by a Queen of Snow and Ice
Outside the house the frost giants howl
to the materialist just great gusts of wind and snow
to the magician wicked spirits of ice and snow
risen from the depths of Niflheim
Loki calls to Thor in adversarial jest
Fenrir howls at Odin
Great serpents rise in this land of the damned
A Hell minus centigrade and minus Fahrenheit
where snow and ice devour instead of flames
Trolls and ogres have left their underground caves
and openly walk the streets of the city
great blemishes of ugliness and decay
Oh for the laser machete of Pan Goatee to slaughter such ugly beasts
Outside the house the frost giants howl
Christmas without Christ is here
but instead of a Transhumanist technological utopia
Old beasts and old gods have returned
Old devils laugh in glee
mocking lights on a Christmas tree.
Man and Superman- thy godhood has arrived
but lesser than the trees and the stars
More powerful ancient spirits are also here
This is the season Prophets and Mystics did fear
It has come to pass
in the form of Wintery blast
The Frost Giants are here!
They laugh and they jeer!
An Ice Age Reign of Terror!
Talk of a Promised Land- all in error!
As gods fall from a celestial hall, wolf and serpent scowl,
Outside the house the frost giants howl.
-A poem written by Christopher
Monday December 19th 2016.
The Creature From Outer Space
The Creature From Outer Space
The creature from outer space who had arrived on Earth on Pearl Harbor Day was now staying in a 5-star hotel in Jerusalem. He had a room with an excellent view of the Temple Mount.
He was feeling somewhat famished after his long journey across the universe.
God (and also the Devil) knows he wasn’t as young as he used to be, the billions of years old creature thought to himself.
Yep, he was hungry all right.
But what he liked to eat would probably draw attention to himself if he went out.
So he decided to order in.
After sitting at a computer and hacking his way into a Cayman Islands bank account, he made a billion dollar donation to the Clinton Foundation.
In return, Planned Parenthood (one of Hillary’s biggest supporters) flew in a bunch of aborted foetuses and special delivered them to the demonic creature’s room for him to eat.
After eating 33 score and six foetuses, the demonic creature burped contentedly and went on to his next order of business- destroying some Muslim mosques that sat inconsiderately on top of the Temple Mount.
Whoever was now the owner of Solomon’s Ring had summoned him from his place at the far edges of the Universe to come and rebuild Solomon’s Temple.
Trouble is that there were currently Muslim mosques sitting atop the site so they’d have to be gotten rid of.
What was the signal sent out into space at lesser demonic speed to summon him to Earth to start rebuilding Solomon’s Temple?
It was what Howard Cosell might have called The Blasphemy On The Basilica had he still been alive.
For on December 8th (the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary) 2015, a New Age light show worshipping the goddess known as Gaia and showing a bunch of demonically possessed looking animals had been cast on to the pillars of Saint Peter’s Basilica to mark the beginning of Pope Francis’ Jubilee Year of Mercy.
Now the Jubilee Year of Mercy was over.
And the period of an unusual form of Justice was about to begin.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 8th
2016.
Turning and Turning In The Widening Gyre
Turning And Turning In The Widening Gyre
Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion watching the BBC World News on television.
Said the announcer, “A woman who was smuggling a half pound of cocaine in her vagina through New York’s John F. Kennedy International Airport has been arrested…”
“Wow,” said Renfield, “that gives a whole new meaning to the term… crack cocaine.”
. . .
The secret service agent was on his smart phone to a police buddy of his in New York.
Said his police buddy on the line, “And before you know it, that little pussy was singing like a canary…”
“Things go better with Coke,” a radio commercial played in the background.
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was positively beaming as he stood behind Donald Trump up on the platform having just given his endorsement.
Thought Christie to himself, “I do hope now that the Donald will return the favour and name me his running mate…”
Meanwhile back in New York, an airport drug sniffing dog was now having the mother of all orgasms.
“Oh God,” said his handler, “I’m really going to have to wash my leg thoroughly when I get home. Never have I seen Bruno so excited…”
. . .
Former Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev was in his apartment looking at photos of former U.S. President Ronald Reagan and the late Pope John Paul II.
“Those were the days when truly great men walked the earth,” Gorbachev mused aloud, “when despite our differences we did try to make this world a better place to live in- for ourselves and the generations that would come after us.”
He glanced over at newspaper clippings on the clipping board above his granddaughter’s desk showing today’s current crop of world leaders.
On his granddaughter’s empty chair was a sign that said OUT TO LUNCH.
On the television screen, images of more casualties in Syria despite the purported ceasefire.
And even more mysteriously on the ground crawling over the dead bodies was a sinister looking charcoal burnt Black Hand.
. . .
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 26th
2016.
Cthulhu Reborn
Cthulhu Reborn
“When the stars align, Cthulhu will rise again to resume his dominion over the Earth, ushering in an age of unfrenzied abandon. Humankind will be “free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and reveling and killing in joy.”
-Transhumanist Mark Dery
celebrating the rise of H.P. Lovecraft’s
Cosmic Monster
“Release the Kraken!”
-Zeus, The Clash of The Titans, 1981
“What happened to an Englishman in the South Pacific the day the U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Hiroshima was revealed in a poem.”
-Diablos Nocturna,
MI-6 Specialist in
investigating the role
of the occult, the paranormal
and the supernatural
in Geopolitics and International
Relations
Here is the poem:
https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/11/04/cthulhu-a-poem/
“All good tales have a sequel.”
-Some Hollywood movie producer counting his box office profits after the release of yet another summer blockbuster.
Cthulhu Reborn: A Poem
It was a beautiful day on the South Pacific
a day three friends thought terrific
but as they talked and sailed about
eating buns and sauerkraut
the Kraken followed Medusa who could now walk on water
much to the amazement of a totally lost sea otter
Then Medusa dived beneath the waves
having lost her snake hair, she was fair to gaze
So love-smitten Kraken followed her down
and when he couldn’t find her, he wore a frown
Then he saw a red dragon at the bottom of the sea
a dragon with buried heart at wounded knee
And the dragon approached and the two merged into one
a merger that darkened the light of the sun
Transhumanist’s dreams and humanity’s nightmare had begun.
-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday July 15th 2015.
Dracul Van Helsing 
Renfield Calls On All EU Countries To Leave The European Union and Save The Internet
April 1, 2019 at 10:27 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (Amadeus Emanon, Articles 11 and 13 and 17 of The EU, Miss Angelique Dumont, Renfield R. Renfield, Sherrielock Holmes, The Apocalypse, The European Union, The Ghost of Sir Winston Churchill)
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had been so busy with the debate over Brexit and plotting to overthrow the governments of Russian President Vladimir Putin, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro and Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan that he had not been informed of Articles 11, 13 and 17 of EU regulations that would destroy the worldwide Internet as we know it and stifle freedom of speech, freedom of expression and artistic creativity leaving the Internet as a place where only those who buy and sell would be able to access the Worldwide Web.
“This is exactly the Mark of The Beast system of The Book of The Apocalypse or Revelation Chapter 13,” said Renfield who had attended Church for Mothering Sunday yesterday.
The Church’s regular Anglo-Catholic Vicar had been called away to Rome to help perform an exorcism on a Vatican Cardinal who was demonically possessed (the Cardinal was considered one of the frontrunners to become the next Pope after Francis).
The guest celebrant and preacher was a Calvinistic Reformed Anglican minister who ignored the readings for the day in the Book of Common Prayer and proceeded to use the occasion of Mothering Sunday to preach on the Mother of Harlots Mystery Babylon as found in Revelation Chapter 17 and the Mark of The Beast system as found in Revelation Chapter 13.
When Renfield found out about the EU regulations Articles 11, 13 and 17, he hit the roof.
As a group of workmen were brought in to repair the roof, they had to work their way around a group of environmentalists who had taken their clothes off in the Public Gallery of the British House of Commons and were currently mooning MPs over what they considered parliamentary inaction on earth’s climate change.
The gallery was cleared after a guest otter from DARPA was brought in who showed that otter flatulence could be as deadly to the environment as that of bovine creatures.
As MPs put on their gas masks and proceeded to vote on 4 different Plan Bs for Brexit, Renfield left the Commons to address the world media on Articles 11, 13 and 17 of EU regulations that would draconianly regulate the Internet.
Renfield spoke next to the statue of Sir Winston Churchill on the Thames River.
Said Renfield solemnly as he addressed the cameras and microphones, “I call upon all countries of the EU to immediately leave the European Union. Not only will this save Britain further embarrassment in giving the world the idea that the British have no idea what to do when it comes to Brexit, this action will also save the Internet as we know it.
As we know a bunch of assholes in the EU bureaucracy in Brussels want to turn the Information Superhighway (as self-proclaimed Internet inventor Al Gore called it) into a massive traffic jam with toll booths every 6 centimeters on the road. It’s high time we give these interfering busybodies in Brussels (whom Mikhail Gorbachev back in the late 1990s labelled the heirs and apostolic successors to the old Politbureau in the old USSR) the raspberry they so richly deserve. Such an action will finally wipe the eggs benedict and eggs Florentine off Theresa May’s face, close a possible Oscar Wilde and Lord Alfred Douglas “open backdoor” on the Ulster-Republic of Eire border and save the Internet and all its memes. After all, if there are no memes left, U.S. Democrats will have nothing to blame when they lose the 2020 U.S. Presidential election. They won’t have the Russians to kick around anymore for 4 more years of Donald Trump and his aesthetically challenged hairpiece.”
Renfield bowed to the media and then went over to talk to his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.
“Well, how was I?” Renfield asked as he adjusted his Larry King autographed bowtie.
“It was a good speech,” Angelique replied, “but are you sure, people will take you seriously?”.
“Why wouldn’t they take me seriously?” Renfield stopped trying to tie his bowtie, “I was being perfectly serious.”
“Do you know what date this is?” Angelique asked.
“The date?” Renfield looked perplexed.
Amadeus showed him the date on his smartphone- April 1st.
“April 1st?” Renfield suddenly hit his forehead, “Oh shit. April Fools’ Day. People will think I was joking when I called on all EU countries to leave the European Union.”
“And to think they could have left the EU and signed a free trade pact with the 3 Mexican countries that Fox News said Donald Trump was going to cut off aid to,” Angelique sighed.
“One should always start the day by looking at the date on the calendar,” the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill advised, “that way there are no misunderstandings and you don’t miss any appointments. When I was alive, I occasionally missed appointments with my dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes. Which meant my poor buttocks had to pay double, sometimes triple and sometimes quadruple the next time to make up for it.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 1st
2019.
Dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes advises to always check the date on your calendar.
Permalink 8 Comments