Renfield Calls On All EU Countries To Leave The European Union and Save The Internet

April 1, 2019 at 10:27 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield had been so busy with the debate over Brexit and plotting to overthrow the governments of Russian President Vladimir Putin, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro and Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan that he had not been informed of Articles 11, 13 and 17 of EU regulations that would destroy the worldwide Internet as we know it and stifle freedom of speech, freedom of expression and artistic creativity leaving the Internet as a place where only those who buy and sell would be able to access the Worldwide Web.

“This is exactly the Mark of The Beast system of The Book of The Apocalypse or Revelation Chapter 13,” said Renfield who had attended Church for Mothering Sunday yesterday.

The Church’s regular Anglo-Catholic Vicar had been called away to Rome to help perform an exorcism on a Vatican Cardinal who was demonically possessed (the Cardinal was considered one of the frontrunners to become the next Pope after Francis).

The guest celebrant and preacher was a Calvinistic Reformed Anglican minister who ignored the readings for the day in the Book of Common Prayer and proceeded to use the occasion of Mothering Sunday to preach on the Mother of Harlots Mystery Babylon as found in Revelation Chapter 17 and the Mark of The Beast system as found in Revelation Chapter 13.

When Renfield found out about the EU regulations Articles 11, 13 and 17, he hit the roof.

As a group of workmen were brought in to repair the roof, they had to work their way around a group of environmentalists who had taken their clothes off in the Public Gallery of the British House of Commons and were currently mooning MPs over what they considered parliamentary inaction on earth’s climate change.

The gallery was cleared after a guest otter from DARPA was brought in who showed that otter flatulence could be as deadly to the environment as that of bovine creatures.

As MPs put on their gas masks and proceeded to vote on 4 different Plan Bs for Brexit, Renfield left the Commons to address the world media on Articles 11, 13 and 17 of EU regulations that would draconianly regulate the Internet.

Renfield spoke next to the statue of Sir Winston Churchill on the Thames River.

Said Renfield solemnly as he addressed the cameras and microphones, “I call upon all countries of the EU to immediately leave the European Union. Not only will this save Britain further embarrassment in giving the world the idea that the British have no idea what to do when it comes to Brexit, this action will also save the Internet as we know it.
As we know a bunch of assholes in the EU bureaucracy in Brussels want to turn the Information Superhighway (as self-proclaimed Internet inventor Al Gore called it) into a massive traffic jam with toll booths every 6 centimeters on the road. It’s high time we give these interfering busybodies in Brussels (whom Mikhail Gorbachev back in the late 1990s labelled the heirs and apostolic successors to the old Politbureau in the old USSR) the raspberry they so richly deserve. Such an action will finally wipe the eggs benedict and eggs Florentine off Theresa May’s face, close a possible Oscar Wilde and Lord Alfred Douglas “open backdoor” on the Ulster-Republic of Eire border and save the Internet and all its memes. After all, if there are no memes left, U.S. Democrats will have nothing to blame when they lose the 2020 U.S. Presidential election. They won’t have the Russians to kick around anymore for 4 more years of Donald Trump and his aesthetically challenged hairpiece.”

Renfield bowed to the media and then went over to talk to his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

“Well, how was I?” Renfield asked as he adjusted his Larry King autographed bowtie.

“It was a good speech,” Angelique replied, “but are you sure, people will take you seriously?”.

“Why wouldn’t they take me seriously?” Renfield stopped trying to tie his bowtie, “I was being perfectly serious.”

“Do you know what date this is?” Angelique asked.

“The date?” Renfield looked perplexed.

Amadeus showed him the date on his smartphone- April 1st.

“April 1st?” Renfield suddenly hit his forehead, “Oh shit. April Fools’ Day. People will think I was joking when I called on all EU countries to leave the European Union.”

“And to think they could have left the EU and signed a free trade pact with the 3 Mexican countries that Fox News said Donald Trump was going to cut off aid to,” Angelique sighed.

“One should always start the day by looking at the date on the calendar,” the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill advised, “that way there are no misunderstandings and you don’t miss any appointments. When I was alive, I occasionally missed appointments with my dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes. Which meant my poor buttocks had to pay double, sometimes triple and sometimes quadruple the next time to make up for it.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 1st
2019.


Dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes advises to always check the date on your calendar.

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Gorbachev: From The Berlin Wall to The Mexico Wall

February 24, 2017 at 6:18 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

On November 9th, 1989, the Berlin Wall fell heralding the start of a new era for Central and Eastern Europe.

It looked like peace would finally break out over the world.

The nations of Central and Eastern Europe formerly under Communist rule became democracies.

The Soviet Union itself was undergoing a process of democratization under its President and Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Mikhail Gorbachev.

Gorbachev won the Nobel Peace Prize for his achievements in 1990.

Then in August 1991, tragedy struck.

Hardliners in the Soviet Red Army and the Politburo staged a coup against Gorbachev.

Gorbachev was on holidays at his Black Sea dachau in the Crimea at the time.

Meanwhile in Moscow, Russian Federation President Boris Yeltsin climbed on to a tank, raised his fist in the air and shouted his defiance against the hardliners.

The coup eventually collapsed.

Two days after the coup attempt, Gorbachev returned to Moscow but a diminished figure.

The feisty Russian Federation President Boris Yeltsin was now the man of the hour.

By December of 1991, Yeltsin had met with the Presidents of the other Republics of the U.S.S.R. and they had signed a new Treaty forming what was called the Commonwealth of Independent States.

The Soviet Union was now finished in practical reality.

Its legal and formal dissolution occurred on Western Gregorian Calendar Christmas Day- December 25th, 1991 with the stroke of a pen signed by Mikhail Gorbachev’s hand.

Nationalism instead of Communism would emerge as the new driving force in the former Republics of the U.S.S.R.

Such intense nationalism would lead to conflict between Georgia and Russia in 2008 and then between Russia and Ukraine from 2014 until the present day.

And now intense nationalism had come to the world’s other nuclear power- the United States.

Its proponent- a man named Donald Trump.

Within a period of 28 years, the world had gone from the tearing down of a wall that divided the great German city of Berlin to a proposed wall that would be built along the Mexico-U.S. border..

Then in the South China Sea- intense nationalism had likewise taken hold.

China, Japan, the Philippines, Indonesia, Vietnam and Malaysia all laid claim to islands in the South China Sea.

In the Middle East, it looked like a two-state solution for the Israeli-Palestinian conflict was slowly being buried under a policy change in the Trump Administration in Washington DC.

And then there was North Korea with its peculiar extremely isolationist and extremely paranoid form of nationalism

The killing of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un’s brother Kim Jong-nam by lethal use of a poisoned facecloth at Kuala Lumpur International Airport in Malaysia had shown the bizarre turn the world had now taken.

James Bond movies had met with the Apocalypse of the Book of Revelation.

Gorbachev sighed.

He felt in his heart World War III was coming.

Russian and NATO troops were now facing one another on the Polish-Russian border and the Latvian-Russian border.

World War I had begun with the assassination of the ArchDuke Franz Ferdinand the nephew of the Emperor Franz Joseph of Austria.

Perhaps in some twisted sick way, the developing scenario for World War III had begun with the assassination of Kim Jong-nam the half-brother of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.

Perhaps the mysterious disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370 en route from Malaysia to China and the shooting down of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 over Eastern Ukraine was Divine Providence’s way of letting the world know of how the bullet that would start World War III would occur.

It would occur in the form of a poisoned facecloth thrown in Kuala Lumpur Airport.

American reporter Lincoln Steffens had once said “I have seen the future and it works” when he visited the U.S.S.R.

Gorbachev felt within, “I have seen the future and it is dark.”

Steffens turned out to be wrong.

Gorbachev prayed that he was.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 24th
2017.

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The Howling of The Frost Giants: A Poem

December 23, 2016 at 4:14 pm (Folklore, Horror, Mythology, Poetry, The Supernatural) (, , , , , , , , )

The Howling of The Frost Giants: A Poem

Outside the house the frost giants howl
preparing for the Norse Ragnarok
December 2016- a descent into darkness
A land of winter but no Christmas
as C.S. Lewis foresaw
A Narnia ruled by a Queen of Snow and Ice

Outside the house the frost giants howl
to the materialist just great gusts of wind and snow
to the magician wicked spirits of ice and snow
risen from the depths of Niflheim
Loki calls to Thor in adversarial jest
Fenrir howls at Odin
Great serpents rise in this land of the damned
A Hell minus centigrade and minus Fahrenheit
where snow and ice devour instead of flames

Trolls and ogres have left their underground caves
and openly walk the streets of the city
great blemishes of ugliness and decay
Oh for the laser machete of Pan Goatee to slaughter such ugly beasts

Outside the house the frost giants howl
Christmas without Christ is here
but instead of a Transhumanist technological utopia
Old beasts and old gods have returned
Old devils laugh in glee
mocking lights on a Christmas tree.

Man and Superman- thy godhood has arrived
but lesser than the trees and the stars
More powerful ancient spirits are also here
This is the season Prophets and Mystics did fear
It has come to pass
in the form of Wintery blast
The Frost Giants are here!
They laugh and they jeer!
An Ice Age Reign of Terror!
Talk of a Promised Land- all in error!
As gods fall from a celestial hall, wolf and serpent scowl,
Outside the house the frost giants howl.

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday December 19th 2016.

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The Creature From Outer Space

December 9, 2016 at 4:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The Creature From Outer Space

The creature from outer space who had arrived on Earth on Pearl Harbor Day was now staying in a 5-star hotel in Jerusalem. He had a room with an excellent view of the Temple Mount.

He was feeling somewhat famished after his long journey across the universe.

God (and also the Devil) knows he wasn’t as young as he used to be, the billions of years old creature thought to himself.

Yep, he was hungry all right.

But what he liked to eat would probably draw attention to himself if he went out.

So he decided to order in.

After sitting at a computer and hacking his way into a Cayman Islands bank account, he made a billion dollar donation to the Clinton Foundation.

In return, Planned Parenthood (one of Hillary’s biggest supporters) flew in a bunch of aborted foetuses and special delivered them to the demonic creature’s room for him to eat.

After eating 33 score and six foetuses, the demonic creature burped contentedly and went on to his next order of business- destroying some Muslim mosques that sat inconsiderately on top of the Temple Mount.

Whoever was now the owner of Solomon’s Ring had summoned him from his place at the far edges of the Universe to come and rebuild Solomon’s Temple.

Trouble is that there were currently Muslim mosques sitting atop the site so they’d have to be gotten rid of.

What was the signal sent out into space at lesser demonic speed to summon him to Earth to start rebuilding Solomon’s Temple?

It was what Howard Cosell might have called The Blasphemy On The Basilica had he still been alive.

For on December 8th (the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary) 2015, a New Age light show worshipping the goddess known as Gaia and showing a bunch of demonically possessed looking animals had been cast on to the pillars of Saint Peter’s Basilica to mark the beginning of Pope Francis’ Jubilee Year of Mercy.

Now the Jubilee Year of Mercy was over.

And the period of an unusual form of Justice was about to begin.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 8th
2016.

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Turning and Turning In The Widening Gyre

February 26, 2016 at 9:53 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Turning And Turning In The Widening Gyre

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion watching the BBC World News on television.

Said the announcer, “A woman who was smuggling a half pound of cocaine in her vagina through New York’s John F. Kennedy International Airport has been arrested…”

“Wow,” said Renfield, “that gives a whole new meaning to the term… crack cocaine.”

. . .

The secret service agent was on his smart phone to a police buddy of his in New York.

Said his police buddy on the line, “And before you know it, that little pussy was singing like a canary…”

“Things go better with Coke,” a radio commercial played in the background.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was positively beaming as he stood behind Donald Trump up on the platform having just given his endorsement.

Thought Christie to himself, “I do hope now that the Donald will return the favour and name me his running mate…”

Meanwhile back in New York, an airport drug sniffing dog was now having the mother of all orgasms.

“Oh God,” said his handler, “I’m really going to have to wash my leg thoroughly when I get home. Never have I seen Bruno so excited…”

. . .

Former Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev was in his apartment looking at photos of former U.S. President Ronald Reagan and the late Pope John Paul II.

“Those were the days when truly great men walked the earth,” Gorbachev mused aloud, “when despite our differences we did try to make this world a better place to live in- for ourselves and the generations that would come after us.”

He glanced over at newspaper clippings on the clipping board above his granddaughter’s desk showing today’s current crop of world leaders.

On his granddaughter’s empty chair was a sign that said OUT TO LUNCH.

On the television screen, images of more casualties in Syria despite the purported ceasefire.

And even more mysteriously on the ground crawling over the dead bodies was a sinister looking charcoal burnt Black Hand.

. . .

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 26th
2016.

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Cthulhu Reborn

July 15, 2015 at 7:09 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Cthulhu Reborn

“When the stars align, Cthulhu will rise again to resume his dominion over the Earth, ushering in an age of unfrenzied abandon. Humankind will be “free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and reveling and killing in joy.”

-Transhumanist Mark Dery
celebrating the rise of H.P. Lovecraft’s
Cosmic Monster

“Release the Kraken!”

-Zeus, The Clash of The Titans, 1981

“What happened to an Englishman in the South Pacific the day the U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Hiroshima was revealed in a poem.”

-Diablos Nocturna,
MI-6 Specialist in
investigating the role
of the occult, the paranormal
and the supernatural
in Geopolitics and International
Relations

Here is the poem:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/11/04/cthulhu-a-poem/

“All good tales have a sequel.”

-Some Hollywood movie producer counting his box office profits after the release of yet another summer blockbuster.

Cthulhu Reborn: A Poem

It was a beautiful day on the South Pacific
a day three friends thought terrific
but as they talked and sailed about
eating buns and sauerkraut
the Kraken followed Medusa who could now walk on water
much to the amazement of a totally lost sea otter
Then Medusa dived beneath the waves
having lost her snake hair, she was fair to gaze
So love-smitten Kraken followed her down
and when he couldn’t find her, he wore a frown
Then he saw a red dragon at the bottom of the sea
a dragon with buried heart at wounded knee
And the dragon approached and the two merged into one
a merger that darkened the light of the sun
Transhumanist’s dreams and humanity’s nightmare had begun.

-A poem written by Christopher
Wednesday July 15th 2015.

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Diablos Nocturna At The NATO Summit In Newport Wales

September 12, 2014 at 7:47 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Diablos Nocturna At The NATO Summit In Newport Wales

The NATO Summit in Newport Wales was winding down.

Most of the world leaders had left.

And MI-6 agent Diablos Nocturna who had overseen security operations at the summit was watching the shutting down of the summit.

He saw Monica Dhaliwal his liaison with CSIS (the Canadian Security Intelligence Service) approach looking very attractive and stylish in her white blouse, blue jacket, tight blue skirt, black silk pantyhose and striking cerulean blue spiked stiletto high- heeled shoes.

She was definitely the reason he had enjoyed working this summit so much.

She flashed a warm smile as she stood face-to-face with him.

“So,” she flicked her hair back as she spoke, “how ever did you come up with the code name Diablos Nocturna – Devil of the Night?”.

“From medieval legends of the incubus,” Diablos Nocturna replied.

“The male demon who slept with beautiful women in the night?” Monica Dhaliwal smiled again.

“The same,” Diablos Nocturna nodded.

“Say who was that woman who looked like the singer Rihanna and was dressed in a Dior red evening gown and hob nobbed with all the world leaders at all the summit dinners?” Monica Dhaliwal asked.

“That’s the Paris-based billionairess and Egyptian Vampiress Isis,” Diablos Nocturna replied.

“Vampiress?” The female CSIS agent was shocked.

“Yes her brother, brother-in-law and arch-enemy the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set lives in London,” the MI-6 operative answered.

“So you mean there really are such things as vampires and vampiresses?” Monica Dhaliwal adjusted her skirt.

“There are indeed,” the MI-6 agent replied.

“In my university days,” Monica Dhaliwal began stroking her hair, “I’d heard talk of a legendary Canadian vampire hunter by the name of Dracul Van Helsing. Does he actually exist?”.

“He does,” Diablos Nocturna nodded, “I’ve heard of him.”

“This London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set,” the CSIS operative inquired, “does he have anything to do with Set Enterprises the British research and development firm that’s said to be engaged in secret and very controversial genetics experiments?”.

“Yes, he owns it,” Diablos Nocturna took note of a news channel helicopter in the distance, “you might also have heard of his controversial corporate Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering the notorious Renfield R. Renfield. He has quite the reputation in international espionage circles.”

“Renfield R. Renfield works for Set?” The CSIS agent had indeed heard of the ruthless and totally psychotic individual that Western intelligence agencies turned to as a last resort when it came to dealing with the vilest scum of the Earth.

There were rumours that The Blacklist TV series’ character of Raymond Red Reddington was actually modeled on Renfield R. Renfield.

“Yes he works for Set,” Diablos Nocturna answered.

The MI-6 agent invited the CSIS agent for a drink in a nearby Welsh pub.

As they approached the pub entrance from the street, Welsh werewolf (although most people didn’t know that he was a werewolf) British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley came rushing out of the pub.

“They don’t have any buttermilk in this pub,” Magog Rhys Petley gasped, “in fact, they don’t seem to have buttermilk anywhere in town.”

He went running down the street shouting, “Buttermilk. I need buttermilk.”

“Quite the eccentric character,” Monica Dhaliwal looked down the street after him.

“That was Magog Rhys Petley a Welsh Member of Parliament at Westminster,” Diablos Nocturna stated, “Obviously a man who enjoys his buttermilk.”

They entered the pub.

. . .

“So what was this Vampiress Isis doing talking to all those world leaders?” Monica Dhaliwal asked Diablos Nocturna after they sat down.

“She’s hoping to use NATO to destroy Vladimir Putin’s Russia,” Diablos Nocturna replied.

“I see,” Monica Dhaliwal looked puzzled, “and why does she want to do that?”.

“Because it was a Russian nuclear submarine that used a laser death ray to disintegrate the spaceship that was returning her brother, husband and lover Osiris to Earth from the star system of Sirius back on December 21st 2012 and she’s vowed vengeance ever since,” the MI-6 operative replied.

“I see,” the CSIS operative felt she was in a dream.

“All part of a long-standing family feud that originated in Egypt millenia ago,” Diablos Nocturna explained, “when their brother Set cut up Osiris into 14 pieces and scattered the body parts throughout Egypt. Isis who was married to Osiris managed to find all the parts save one and put them back together again and using Egyptian magic managed to resurrect Osiris. But then Set managed to cast a Black Magic spell on Osiris transporting him and exiling him to a planet in the star system of Sirius. So Horus the son of Isis and Osiris who was also Set’s nephew buried Set alive in a tomb. Set’s tomb was then discovered and opened on November 11th 1918 at ironically enough exactly 1100 hours Greenwich time when the Armistice ending the First World War came into effect. Set fled the tomb after his sarcophagus lid was taken off and he’s been wreaking his havoc on the world ever since.”

“I see,” Monica Dhaliwal sipped her Chai tea (which she was surprised to see offered in a Welsh pub), “and how was it that Osiris returned to Earth on December 21st 2012?”.

“It was because of the Black Magic spell that Set cast on Osiris,” Diablos Nocturna explained, “for ancient Egyptian witchcraft Black Magic spells like most modern food and dairy products had an expiration date on it. And the expiration date for the spell exiling Osiris to the star system of Sirius ended December 21st 2012 on our calendar. It was an expiration date of which the Mayans, the Aztecs and the Hopi Indians were aware. Their prophecies about this event gave the History Channel a lot to talk about on its programs throughout most of the first 12 years of the 21st Century. For all intensive public purposes since nothing appeared to happen on December 21st 2012, they’ve scrambled to try to find a replacement and think that endless reruns of American Pickers will somehow capture the imagination of the television viewing public. If, like Isis, subscribers to the History Channel knew what really happened on December 21st 2012, they too would be calling for Vladimir Putin’s head on a silver platter.”

“So for Isis, all hopes of Osiris’ return have vanished into thin air like disintegrated particles from the after effects of a laser death ray?” Monica Dhaliwal asked.

“Yes, having one’s anatomical body parts reduced to the sub-atomic level is certainly more of a challenge to put back together again than just being cut up into 14 pieces,” Diablos Nocturna admitted, “but it so happened that leading Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius happened to be in the area of Vancouver’s English Bay at the time and happened to use a mirror and the sounds of the sea from a large sea shell he was holding to collect the disintegrated particles from the laser death ray explosion and put them into a working model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider he had in his rowboat with him at the time.”

“So the particles of Osiris’ sub-atomic structure were gathered into Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius’ working model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider?” Monica Dhaliwal asked.

“Along with the sub-atomic particles of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl who was arriving in a space ship from Saturn’s moon Titan in the same vicinity at the same time and was likewise disintegrated from the laser death ray fired by the Russian nuclear submarine that was illegally trespassing in Canadian coastal waters at the time,” Diablos Nocturna answered.

“Wow, I never heard about that in my History of War and Conflict Class at UBC,” said Monica Dhaliwal who was a recent graduate of the University of British Columbia prior to her recruitment by CSIS.

“Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper covered up the whole incident to prevent a possible war with Russia,” Diablos Nocturna explained, “and Harper’s NATO ally U.S. President Barack Obama is still working on a strategy to respond to the whole incident. He may come up with such a working strategy at the same time he finally comes up with a strategy against ISIS- that is the Islamist terrorist caliphate not the Paris-based billionairess Egyptian Vampiress.”

“So whatever became of the particles that were placed inside Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius’ model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider?” the CSIS agent asked.

“They’re now in the Vampiress Isis’ secret subterranean laboratory below Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris,” Diablos Nocturna replied, “although it’s not as secret as she thinks it is since MI-6 knows all about it. There Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius and a number of other of the world’s leading scientists are working to put the particles of Osiris back together again.”

“Why is the Vampiress Isis’ laboratory located beneath Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris?” Monica Dhaliwal inquired.

“It’s my understanding that Isis is a big fan of the late great British actor Charles Laughton,” the MI-6 agent answered, “and particularly enjoyed his 1939 film The Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

“So are they having any success putting the particles of Osiris back together again?” The CSIS agent looked at the pattern in her cup of chai tea.

“Well according to a theoretical research paper written by a professor of particle physics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,” Diablos Nocturna put a little pepper on his dish of Welsh rarebit, “an ET gray’s laser death ray gun fired in reverse into the surrounding atmosphere might be able to put the particles back together again.”

“So all Isis has to do then is to get her hands on an ET gray’s laser death ray gun,” Monica Dhaliwal picked up her fork to sample her own dish of Welsh rarebit.

“That’s right,” Diablos Nocturna nodded, “and there may be a bit of a problem getting that.”

On the radio in the Welsh pub was playing the latest release from the American music group Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers with their lead vocalist Sekhmet singing the lyrics that were also the title of the song, “Mr. ET Gray, I’m So Sorry I Lost Your Laser Death Ray Gun.”

In the distance outside the pub could be heard the melancholy haunting sound of what sounded like a werewolf howling.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 6th
2014

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Flashback To The End of The World- Dec. 21st 2012

September 9, 2014 at 4:04 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Flashback To The End of The World- Dec. 21st 2012

The vampire novel chapter I wrote back on December 21st 2012 when something of cosmic significance was supposed to happen on Earth on that date according to Mayan, Aztec and Hopi Indian prophecies.

http://thevampiresamurai.blogspot.ca/2012/12/dec-21st-2012-tempest-or-much-ado-about.html?m=1

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The Friday The World Turned Black

April 18, 2014 at 7:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Friday The World Turned Black

It was Maundy Thursday evening on Park Avenue in New York City as the mysterious billionaire behind the black curtains of his apartment enjoyed a lone supper of a boar’s head and roast pork and lobster and shellfish and sipped champagne from a gold chalice.
He was on a speaker phone in a conference call with 12 of his associates in important national capitals around the world.

. . .

At the exact same moment as the Park Avenue billionaire broke off a piece of pork with his bare hands and sampled it and sipped from the cup of champagne, a mysterious figure stood on the very top of Mount Everest and spoke to a man who also stood on the top.

“Do you see all these nations of the world from up here?” The mysterious figure asked the man, “I will give you them all if you worship me.”

“I see nothing but a lot of clouds at so great a height,” the man replied.

The figure waved his hands and all the nations of the world appeared to the man in a vision.

“See them now?” The figure asked, “I WILL give you them all if you worship me.”

“All right,” the man replied.

As soon as the man spoke those words, an avalanche occurred on Everest.

The avalanche immediately buried and killed 12 Sherpa guides.

. . .

It was Good Friday afternoon at 3:00 PM local time as the Park Avenue billionaire’s supersonic jet flew with great speed above the Andes right over the Chilean-Argentinian border.

On board the jet was the man who had accepted the offer from the mysterious figure atop Everest.

The man was in the plane’s washroom urinating and talking to UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon on his mobile phone right as the plane flew above the statue of Christ of the Andes.

The statue of Christ of the Andes had been unveiled on March 13th 1904.

109 years later on March 13th 2013, an Argentinian Jorge Mario Bergoglio would be elected Pope and take the name Francis.

. . .

The Park Avenue billionaire was listening to the radio.

Pro-Russian militias were not leaving government buildings in eastern Ukraine- one of the conditions in yesterday’s accord in Geneva between the U.S. , the EU and Russia.

Meanwhile Poland’s Defence Minister Tomasz Siemoniak announced that U.S. ground forces would soon be deployed in Poland in response to the Ukraine crisis.

The Park Avenue billionaire smiled as he sipped his glass of sherry.

All was going according to plan.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 18th
2014.

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Pan Goatee On Park Avenue

April 11, 2014 at 7:15 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee On Park Avenue

The New York City billionaire hid behind a curtain in his Park Avenue apartment as he spoke to Pan Goatee.

Pan figured the man was possibly either quite shy or extremely ugly or maybe both.

As Pan heard a rustling behind the curtains that overlooked a grotesque face painted on a globe of the world that sat on a throne in front of the black curtain, a parrot in a cage on a nearby table squawked, “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore! Squawk! Toto, I’ve got the feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore. Squawk!”.

A gun emerged from behind the curtain and was fired.

The parrot fell to the copy of The Wall Street Journal on the floor of his bird cage- quite dead.

“You’re right,” a voice behind the curtain said, “you’re not in Kansas anymore.”

Pan was starting to feel a kinship with the billionaire behind the curtains after he watched this display.

“I understand,” the billionaire looked at a copy of Pan Goatee’s resume behind the curtain as he spoke, “that you have the ability to astral project
and that furthermore you have the ability to kill people with your astral body using either an astral machete or an astral semi-automatic.”

“That is correct,” Pan Goatee beamed from ear to ear on his furry, fuzzy unshaven face.

He was quite proud of his skills and abilities.

“And I understand,” the billionaire flipped over to the second page of the genetically created half-man half-goat satyr serial killer’s 666-page resume, “that you’re able to shape-shift into various human forms and appearances with your astral body?”.

“And other life forms as well,” Pan Goatee stuck out his chest proudly.

He was currently working on doing a lifelike impersonation of Kermit the Frog with his astral body.

“I want you,” the billionaire spoke, “to astral project to the so-called Holy Land and while there to kill multitudes of people. You’re to kill a whole bunch of Palestinians while looking like a Jewish settler and then to kill a whole bunch of Israeli Jews while looking like a fighter of the Fatah al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigade. Will you do it?”.

Pan Goatee had in fact done such a very thing for free last autumn while in the area of Jerusalem’s Temple Mount.

He had done it as a practical joke to keep himself amused.

“Sure,” Pan Goatee replied, “how much will you pay me?”.

“I’ll pay you $100,000 per person you kill,” the billionaire answered.

“All right,” Pan Goatee answered as he looked down at his fingernails and figured they could use a good manicure, “how many people do you want me to kill?”.

“As many as possible,” the billionaire answered, “whatever amount it takes to start an all-out war between Israel and the Palestinians.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 11th
2014.

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