Pan Goatee Beheads 6 Yutes and A Fat Ugly Blimp Alcoholic In A Blizzard Along With A Joe Biden Admiring Reporter

November 10, 2020 at 11:55 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was walking through a blizzard to pick up a couple of bottles of Coca-Cola Zero (the diet Coke that actually tastes like Coca-Cola Classic unlike the named Diet Coke with a large D).

When he arrived at the nearby small shopping centre, he was horrified to discover that the grocery store had closed (probably due to nobody visiting them in the blizzard).

There was a liquor store next door to them which was open (because as everybody knows in contemporary booze happy North American society, liquor stores never close no matter what the weather. They’re even open in hurricanes and asteroid strikes which was a good thing with the 99942 Apophis asteroid rapidly approaching Earth).

Goatee went in to buy Coca-Cola Zero.

As he was leaving, a hideously repulsive fat ugly blimp entered the liquor store mumbling to herself, “Need whisky. Desperately need whisky.”

“Oh Great God Zeus,” Goatee exclaimed, “Just what society needs at the moment. A fat ugly blimp alcoholic.”

Goatee immediately beheaded the fat uglo extra-large purveyor of distillery and brewery fumes thus saving people from blinding and killing themselves at some future Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Nanites immediately came and ate the fat ugly blimp’s head and body.

Krampus the 2nd (a DARPA created genetic clone of the original Germanic demonic goat hybrid Krampus who appears in the former Germanic territories of the former Holy Roman Empire on Krampusnacht which is the evening before the Feast Day of Saint Nicholas) gathered up the 999 trillion remains of the fat ugly blimp alcoholic and put them in a bag and took them to Tartarus for cremation where the flames rose even higher due to the high alcohol intake.

Goatee continued down the blizzard laden street and noticed 6 yutes (what Joe Pesci’s Brooklyn lawyer character called “youths” during his first ever trial held in the Deep South in the 1992 film My Cousin Vinny) walking on the other side of the street.

“We don’t care what anyone says,” one of the 6 yutes shouted in a loud voice, “We’re going to continue to use sexist and racist terminlogy.”

“It’s bozos like you who are laying the groundwork for a Neo-Bolshevik Communist insurrection in the United States,” Goatee pointed out as he immediately beheaded the 6 yutes.

“Excuse me,” a Global News Canada reporter with a stupid looking expression on his face approached Goatee.

Of course almost all Global News Canada reporters have stupid looking expressions on their faces with the exception of a Vietnamese-Canadian female friend of a Calgary based geopolitical analyst who happened to work for Global News Calgary as a reporter.

One who when her local Calgary news stories are actually shown on Global News Canada National reports neither her name nor face is shown or her voice is heard to Global News Canada National audiences (thus showing the total racism and total hypocrisy of the politically correct Global News Canada Network whose political hero is the totally racist and totally hypocritical bozo with a “white savior’ complex Justin Trudeau).

“I noticed you beheaded those 6 yutes for being racist and sexist,” the Global News Canada reporter who was wearing a Joe Biden For President t-shirt pointed out, “yet aren’t you the satyr who goes around beheading ugly looking women? Isn’t beheading ugly women sexist?”.

“No you moron, that form of discrimination is called lookism,” Goatee answered as he beheaded the imbecilic Global News Canada reporter for his mental ineptitude, “If I was homosexual, I’d go around beheading ugly looking men. Just like when the bisexual writer Oscar Wilde (who’s one of my literary and Philosophy of Aesthetics heroes) was asked at his trial why he didn’t kiss a certain waiter at a certain hotel, Wilde answered, “Because he was too ugly.” So get your definition straight. It’s lookism not sexism. God knows, there are enough imbecilic reporters already in the world. Well, I guess there’s one less now.”

Goatee went home.

Goatee then watched on-line one of his favourite reporters, Detroit’s Michael Voris, a true objective journalist and not a Marxist partisan New World Order hack.

The photographic images on the screen behind Voris showed that birds of a feather flock together.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 10th
2020.

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The Day After

November 4, 2020 at 11:41 pm (Aesthetics, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Sorcery, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

“The U.S. Democrats believe in killing babies and supporting sodomy.
So it should come as no surprise that they would believe in cheating at elections as well.”
-Renfield R. Renfield MP on the Democrats tampering with election results in the states of Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania to say nothing of Arizona, North Carolina and Georgia.

The world’s most charismatic and witty serial killer Pan Goatee was walking down the street when lo and behold! the poor chap’s night was ruined by the sight of a fat ugly blimp approaching.

“You hideous behemoth straight from the pits of the place that Pope Francis says doesn’t exist,” Pan Goatee remarked as he lopped the fat uglo’s head off, “Just because the Democrats are cheating their way to a pro-Communist Biden-Harris ticket victory doesn’t mean that you fat ugly blimps can walk around with impunity.”

Nanites immediately arrived on the scene to eat the fat ugly blimp’s head and body.

More massive regurgitation was now taking place aboard Charon’s ferry on the River Styx.

After Pan Goatee had bought the bread at the grocery store, he returned home.

While returning home, Pan Goatee encountered a medium sized ugly looking gargoyle.

The Oscar Wilde and Friedrich Nietzsche quoting on the subject of aesthetics genetically created satyr serial killer had, for his own personal Dewey system classification purposes, classified ugly looking females into three catgories: fat ugly blimps, medium sized ugly looking gargoyles and thin ugly looking stoats.

The gargoyle’s head was quickly lopped off by Pan Goatee’s machete and afer being eaten by nanites definitely would not be decorating the outside of Paris’ Notre Dame Cathedral in the near future much to the relief of other gargoyles as well as Islamic terrorists inspecting the outside of the building as they were planning their next terrorist attack.

A reporter from Canada’s Rebel News Network approached Goatee.

It was fortunate for her that she was beautiful.

“Mr. Goatee,” the woman smiled, “I imagine both sides in the upcoming Second American Civil War will be seeking your services. Which side will you be fighting for?”.

“Well I imagine most of the ugly women will be backing the Biden-Harris ticket,” Goatee sipped his Iced Cappuccino, “so I imagine I’ll be fighting against the Biden-Harris supporters. Most women who are leftists are either ugly or airheads or in many terrifying cases both.”

“So Trump can count on your support then?” Asked the Rebel News reporter.

“Yes,” Goatee signed autographs being sought by some of the neighbourhood children, “I don’t like Trump personally but I much prefer him to that senile old fool and KKK white supremacist puppet of Xi Jinping’s Chinese Communist Party on the other side.”

. . .

Global News Canada’s Communist correspondents in the U.S. Communist asshole Jackson Proskow, Communist asshole Eric Sorensen and Communist asshole Reggie Cecchini all had to change their underwear on hearing the news that Pan Goatee would be fighting against the pro-Communist Biden-Harris camp in the upcoming Second American Civil War.

. . .

George Soros’ son Alexander Soros who was the deputy chairman of his father’s Open Society Foundations (that was currently financing the ongoing Neo-Bolshevik Revolution in the U.S.) was spending the day consulting a spiritist medium.

The name of the spiritist medium had been given to him by well-known spirit cooker Marina Abramovic.

Soros was hoping to get in touch with the ghost of the 2nd Century rabbi Simeon bar Yochai.

Rabbi Simeon bar Yochai often referred to as Rashbi was said to be the author of the great Kabbalistic work the Zohar.

Many sayings of his were to be found in the Babylonian Talmud including a passage that said it was perfectly acceptable to have sexual relationships with girls as young as 2 or 3 years of age.

Alexander Soros was hoping to get advice from the rabbi’s ghost on how to fit America into the planned Great Reset envisioned by his father George Soros, Bill and Melinda Gates, Prince Charles of Britain who talked to plants and wondered why they never talked back to him, World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab, Pope Francis and Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping.

. . .

An astronomer at the Mauna Kea astronomical observatory in Hawaii was observing the asteroid Apophis (named after the ancient Egyptian Great Serpent god of Chaos) that is calculated to be coming closest to Earth on April 13th 2029.

The trouble was the observatory’s instruments had suddenly picked up that the asteroid Apophis was accelerating its speed.

The astronomer asked the observatory’s computers to calculate what would happen if the asteroid continued to accelerate at a certain speed within a certain set of conditions.

The astronomer ripped off the final calculations on the paper from the computer printer.

The paper read, “It would hit Earth with maximum impact on…”

“Oh shit!” The astronomer cried, “Is there no end to all that is happening in 2020?”.


“Did anybody get the license plate number of that asteroid?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday November 4th
2020.

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Allatallahbel, Odin, Rudolphus, Loki and Apophis

December 30, 2019 at 11:15 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Allatallahbel, Odin, Rudolphus, Loki and Apophis

Odin sent his flying and fire-breathing reindeer Rudolphus to rescue Loki from the asteroid Apophis 99942 on which the Norse trickster god had found himself recently stranded.

This after an appeal to Odin from Loki’s daughter Hel the Norse goddess of the realm of the dead who are not warriors – a place also called Hel in the realm of Niflheim.

Rudolphus and Loki landed in Siberia to little or no fanfare though they weren’t really expecting any.

Putin, when informed of the incident, thought America might be testing new military hardware.

At the Vatican, Allatallahbel the vampiress priestess of Baal was preparing to seduce Samhain Cardinal Salaman namely because he was one of the few heterosexuals available in Pope Francis’ Vatican.

In Beijing, China’s supreme leader (and self-proclaimed god) Xi Jinping was meeting with his supernatural entity advisor the Black Dragon to discuss the upcoming war games his forces would be participating in alongside the Russians and the Iranians.

And down in Australia, Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was pulling out what little hair he had left over the news that it was an individual by the name of Uncle Ernie who was in charge of tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve fireworks over Sydney.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday December 30th
2019.

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Pan Goatee, Kim Jong-un, Loki and Apophis

December 28, 2019 at 11:47 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee, Kim Jong-un, Loki and Apophis

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was crossing the street carrying a bag full of cans of diet Cola so he could have a caffeine induced high at home.

As he reached the other side of the street, an ugly looking woman walked by.

The first ugly looking woman he had seen in days.

Pan Goatee immediately beheaded the uglo with his astral laser machete.

“Why don’t you uglos stay indoors when it’s the holiday season?” Pan Goatee remarked as he kicked the uglo’s head into the windows of a nearby high school, “Ruining people’s holidays by walking about and frightening animals and small children not to mention everybody else. No wonder Santa Claus never visited anyone in the neighbourhood this past Christmas Eve. He didn’t want Rudolph and all of the other reindeer to be terrified to death after seeing you.”

As Pan Goatee continued down the street, his mobile phone rang.

“Goatee here,” the satyr said.

“Monsieur Goatee, this is Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,” the Canadian Prime Minister was at the end of the wireless line, “I’m just phoning to inform you and tell you the good news that the Association For A More Aesthetically Pleasing Environment has nominated you to receive the Order of Canada.”

“Wonderful,” Goatee smiled, “I suppose this means I’ll have to buy a tux and not wear my usual Hawaiian shirt and Bermuda shorts to the ceremony.”

“What is it that you do anyways?” Justin had forgotten to read that part of the brief before making the call.

“I kill ugly looking women,” Goatee answered.

“Oh,” Justin paused.

He was wondering how he as a self-proclaimed “feminist” would look if his government awarded the Order of Canada to someone who went around killing ugly looking women.

Not of course that he as Canada’s self-proclaimed “feminist” leader had any ugly looking women working around his office himself.

Only beautiful women.

Something he shared in common with America’s self-tweeted “misogynist” leader Donald Trump.

. . .

The Avangard Russian hypersonic missile that currently had the Norse trickster god Loki by his derrière and was carrying the famed deity into outer space was headed straight towards the Apophis 99942 asteroid.

The Apophis 99942 asteroid is about 1100 feet (340 meters) wide, was discovered in 2004 (where it was first dubbed 2004 MN4), was given the formal name Apophis a year later by the International Astronomical Union in commemoration of “the Egyptian god of evil and destruction who dwells in eternal darkness” and the asteroid has a 2.7% probability of hitting the Earth on Friday April 13th 2029.

A larger probability than that according to Set Enterprises’ Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who says the asteroid hitting the earth on that date will put a damper on celebrations marking the inauguration of Greta Thunberg as President of the United States of Europe (the same day she also finally graduates from anger management classes).

“Wow, this is one big motherfucker of an asteroid,” the Norse god Loki commented as he crashed into it.

The ghost of Oedipus Rex the King of Thebes who floated by with spectral blood flowing from his spectral eyes was not amused by Loki’s comment.

. . .

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was presiding over a general congress of the ruling North Korean Workers’ Party in Pyongyang when he was informed that a North Korean government astronomer had observed the Norse trickster god Loki doing sit ups and practicing yoga positions on the asteroid Apophis 99942.

“This must be a U.S. imperialist plot to attack our country the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea many of whose subjects are now enjoying their 7th year of widespread famine under my enlightened leadership,” Kim pounded the desk in front of him, “summon my white horse. I shall ride to the observatory to see for myself.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday December 28th
2019.

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