Krampus Takes A Paris Detour On Krampusnacht

December 5, 2018 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

It was the night of Krampusnacht
and all through the house
in Austria and Bavaria
and places thereabout
The Austro-Bavarian demon/goat hybrid Krampus roamed
the son of the Norse goddess Hel and Bucca Dhu
Hel who was Loki’s daughter and the goddess ruler
of the Norse underworld in Niflheim

Bucca Dhu who was the Black Goat horned god of the winter months
in Cornish witchcraft

Hel came down from her frostbitten parts north of Thule, Hyperborea and Scandinavia
And Bucca Dhu traveled east from the Cornish coast across the wild Cornish moors and east across England and then across the channel
And northeastwards towards the Alps of Bavaria and Austria
They met
And they spent 40 days and 40 nights making out in various locales
Austria, Bavaria, Croatia, the Czech Republic, Hungary, the South Tyrol region and the province of Trento in northern Italy, Slovakia and Slovenia
The product of their union was Krampus whose name is derived from the German word krampen meaning claw

Krampus is the demonic anti-Santa
The entity who punishes bad children on Krampusnacht (the evening of December 5th) in the regions of Central Europe named above
Just as Saint Nicholas rewards good children on Saint Nicholas’ Night
(December 6th)
Tonight however the cosmic powers that be
Determined that Krampus must take a detour
and drag screaming down to Hell
The cougar chasing, mascara and make-up wearing, metrosexual elitist snob President of France Emmanuel Macron
For the gods and goddesses of all the ancient religions loved Paris
And thanks to Macron’s stupidity, Paris was burning
And so Macron must be punished
And the instrument of punishment: Krampus

So Krampus pushed Macron into his black sack of coal
and took him to Hell
The underworld realm of Hades
Where he was ferried across the River Styx by Charon
And then bitten in the ass by the 3-headed dog Cerberus
Kicked in the balls by Persephone the Queen of the Underworld
And barfed on by Napoleon the 1st Emperor of the French

He was then escorted to Tartarus by Krampus
While there he passed one of the waiting rooms to Tartarus
What looked to be an old schoolroom from the 1920s
Where the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes
the immortal twin sister of the great detective Sherlock Holmes
had been hired by Hades for a week to give spankings to naughty boys
prior to their entering Tartarus

She had been hired temporarily to replace the 3 Furies (Erinyes)
who had all come down with a bad case of the flu

“Yes, yes!” Cried Macron as his mascara started running
due to the heat of the nearby flames,
“I need to be spanked by Sherrielock!”

Krampus smiled sadistically and replied
in a voice more sinister than that of the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld,
“No Sherrielock for you!”.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
on Krampusnacht
Wednesday December 5th
2018.


The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec hoping to convince Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to join her in surpassing the Guinness Book of World Records world record for the most consecutive days and nights of continuously making out which is currently held by the Norse goddess Hel and the Cornish Black Goat horned god Bucca Dhu.

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Michelangelo’s Vision of 2018 U.S. Midterm Elections

November 3, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, Science, The Supernatural, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was back in the U.K. again after a brief one day Dia de Los Muertos visit to Mexico City where he videotaped the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec ripping out the live still beating heart of a horny sexually predatory and sexually harassing Google exec (one of many who had recently inspired a spate of Google employee strikes across the world).

Renfield then posted the video on YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter where it went viral across the Net.

The video was the one thing Renfield did that met with the approval of the #MeTooMovement.

After watching the video, the unlamented former Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein woke up screaming in the night about having a dream of open heart surgery being performed on him without the use of anesthetic.

Another consequence was that Texas cowboys and gunslingers stopped falling in love with Mexican girls in cantinas out in the West Texas town of El Paso much to singer Marty Robbins’ displeasure.

After the burning of the heart was done in front of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl (who because of his advanced age was starting to prefer his meat cooked well done rather than raw or rare these days), the Aztec deity (who was worshipped as Kukulkan by the Mayans) after eating the heart proceeded to sit down on a sofa with a bottle of tequila (containing inside it a worm in front of a biodegradable cardboard tombstone that had for an epitaph POE’S THE CONQUEROR WORM Conquered) in front of a television set and watched Orson Welles’ last film The Other Side of The Wind on Netflix.

Outside his Mexico City penthouse apartment, the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith performed one huge storm of a whirlwind as the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) the head of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change gave a speech on climate change in the city.

Meanwhile back in Qonzilqointec’s penthouse suite on the other side of the street, the Aztec vampiress made out with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing engaging in BDSM foreplay and mystical magic tantric sex afterwards.

Renfield flew back to Britain from Mexico listening to the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper and Magical Mystery Tour albums on his airplane headphones while eating a nice dinner of curried lamb and curried goats’ legs on Manitoba wild rice.

Back at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland, the Hindu destroyer and transformer god Shiva was trying to make a curried dinner out of hubris ridden CERN scientists who had just uncovered a “ghost particle” that was about to upset the equilibrium balance of the entire cosmos.

A result of all this was that scientist Stephen Hawking was turning over on his barbeque spit in Tartarus and very much regretting the fact that he had written THERE IS NO GOD in his last book.

His mother’s favourite expression “Famous Last Words” never rang so true as now.

As soon as Renfield R. Renfield walked through the front door of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion, his friend Amadeus Emanon informed him of a vision that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had had in his lobster tank at Set Enterprises laboratories.

“Michelangelo foresees widespread violence, shootings and stabbings at polling stations across America on U.S. mid-term election day,” Amadeus stated.

“I’m not surprised,” Renfield admitted, “I imagine in future U.S. elections, the UN will have to bring in observers from the Afghan Taliban and militant sectarian groups in Iraq to make sure that future American elections are conducted in a less violent and more peaceful manner.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 3rd
2018.

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Dracul and Qonzilqointec On Feast Day of Saint Pius X

August 21, 2018 at 10:58 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Qonzilqointec On Feast Day of Saint Pius X

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was waiting for Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

She wore a low-cut short skirted red rose 🌹 decorated white mini dress and a pair of spiked stiletto high-heeled sandals 👡 whose colour matched her purse 👜.

As soon as Dracul saw her, he realized right then and there that he’d have to take her right then and there on the spot.

Qonzilqointec was expecting that (in fact she was immensely looking forward to it) and so she hadn’t worn any panties under her dress.

Dracul mounted her and they engaged in several hours of highly orgasmic tantric sex which had a major effect on the Ring of Fire around the Pacific Ocean 🌊.

Coincidentally 69 (yes, 69) major earthquakes hit the Ring of Fire and the area around the Yellowstone super volcano 🌋 was on high alert.

. . .

August 21st was the Feast Day of Pope Saint Pius X.

Pope Francis didn’t really relish celebrating the Feast as Saint Pius X had been a Pope who believed in the existence of Hell (much to Pope Francis’ discomfort).

Nevertheless he said a commemoration Mass today for the sake of appearances.

No telling what Cardinal Raymond Burke and Cardinal Robert Sarah would have said if he hadn’t.

Pope Francis then left the Mass for his meeting to discuss the environment and sustainable development for Earth 🌏 Mother Gaia with Lev Tomi the Secretary of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

Lev Tomi was a vampire.

In his mortal life he had been the Russian Bolshevik revolutionary Leon Trotsky who had a falling out with Josef Stalin and was expelled from the USSR in February 1929.

It was on this date August 21st back in 1940 that Trotsky had been bitten on the neck and turned into a vampire by the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in Mexico City.

The bite that changed him from mortal to vampiric immortal happened shorty after midnight 🕛 Mexico City local time on August 21st.

If he hadn’t been turned into a vampire, he would have succumbed to his head wounds from an ice pick attack to the head and died.

The ice pick attack happened on August 20th 1940 in Mexico City and was administered by Spanish-born Stalinist agent Ramon Mercader acting on Stalin’s orders.

Trotsky’s “death” was announced to the world as a way to prevent any further attacks on his person by agents of Josef Stalin (it also saved Stalinist agents the embarrassment of having to carry Crosses and Crucifixes and Holy Water as well as hawthorn wooden stakes on their person in an effort to dispose of Trotsky in his current state).

Trotsky changed his name to Lev Tomi and moved to New York City where he worked as a non-starving artist (since he didn’t have to pay to drink blood- his main diet).

When the United Nations was formed in 1945, he got a job working at the UN in New York and worked his way up to become Secretary of The UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change.

“So,” Pope Francis asked Trotsky aka Tomi, “how shall we bring about a world global government to save Mother Earth 🌏?”.

Tomi aka Trotsky told him.

. . .

One of Israel’s leading Kabbalistic rabbis was giving an address in a synagogue on how various mystical rabbis throughout the centuries had predicted the arrival of an alien 👽 ET saviour from another planet who would be the ultimate blessed hope of the Jewish people.

The Mossad agent who was codenamed the Controller of the Golem sat in the front row of the synagogue 🕍 in a state of shock.

Never before had he heard such utter blasphemy.

His gentile guests the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and Prince Vlad Dracula of Wallachia and Count of Transylvania were likewise shocked 😳 😮 as they sat in the front row.

What was really disturbing the Controller thought to himself was that this same Kabbalistic rabbi (who had just prophesied the advent of an alien 👽 ET saviour from another planet) had numerous gentile disciples in America- most of whom were well-known supposedly “Christian” televangelists.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 21st
2018.

Qonzilqointec on an historic date-
in every sense of that word.

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Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec Meets Abraham Lincoln

March 19, 2017 at 3:27 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

President Abraham Lincoln stopped when he opened his bedroom door and noticed a beautiful woman standing there.

The President was taken aback.

What would his wife Mary have to say about this?

“Um…” Lincoln decided to be diplomatic, “who are you?”.

“I am the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec,” the woman replied.

“I see,” Lincoln thought the woman must be crazy.

When she suddenly turned into a bat and flew around the room, Lincoln then decided there must be something to the woman’s story.

She turned back into a beautiful woman again.

“What do you want?” Lincoln asked.

“To thank you for opposing the Mexican-American War as a Congressman from Illinois,” she said.

“Well, you’re welcome,” Lincoln smiled.

“And for doing what you can to help Juarez against the French and the Hapsburg Emperor of Mexico Maximilian despite the fact that you’re fighting a civil war of your own,” Qonzilqointec smiled at him.

“Again you’re welcome,” Lincoln bowed.

“It’s that bitch the Egyptian vampiress Isis who’s behind the French Emperor Napoleon III and all his plans for dominating the world,” Qonzilqointec seethed.

“I did not know that,” Lincoln had to admit.

Qonzilqointec smiled, “Did you know that the Transylvanian Count Dracula is a big supporter of Confederate President Jefferson Davis?”.

Lincoln was really taken aback by that last remark.

“That,” the President said, “I definitely did not know.”

“Although,” Qonzilqointec laughed showing her pearly white teeth and incisors, “for the wrong reasons. He had heard that Jefferson Davis is an alumnus of Transylvania University totally oblivious to the fact that the Transylvania University that Jefferson Davis attended is a private university in Lexington Kentucky founded back in 1780.”

“I guess it pays to have a knowledge of history and geography,” Lincoln reflected, “even for vampires.”

“It does,” Qonzilqointec agreed.

“What are you doing here?” Lincoln asked

“I’m here to turn you into a vampire,” Qonzilqointec stepped towards him.

Lincoln stepped back.

“Only if you’d like,” Qonzilqointec stopped her approach, “You’re a great man. It would be a good thing if you could live forever.”

“I have no desire to live the life of a vampiric existence,” said Lincoln.

“Very well,” Qonzilqointec looked sad.

She bowed and left the room.

A few minutes later, Lincoln’s wife Mary Todd Lincoln entered the room.

“I hope you remember we’re going to see that play Our American Cousin at Ford’s Theatre on Friday.” Mary looked stern.

“Yes, dear,” Lincoln nodded, “I remember.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 19th
2017

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Qonzilqointec In Madrid : A Poem

July 12, 2015 at 7:41 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec In Madrid

The streets of Madrid
once capital of an empire
now a living museum
to a past once golden
and a future most bleak
From the balcony of an elegant hotel
a beautiful woman stood and viewed these streets
looking resplendent in a beautiful Spanish red dress
with black laced sleeves
She was the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec
spiritual goddaughter of the Aztec feathered serpent deity Quetzalcoatl
come to take her vengeance on the descendants of those people who destroyed her godfather’s empire
She looked enchanting in the evening sunlight
a vampiress able to take the rays of Sol Invictus
(who generally was an Invincible Conquerer to most vampiric creatures of the night)
but thanks to a special sunblock invented for her by scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher
she was able to see the light of dawn
as well as the dusk of twilight
and not be dispatched to the waiting shores of the River Styx
awaiting the Charon driven ferry boat of Hades
A tall blonde blue eyed man suddenly stood next to her on the balcony
and gently placed his hand on hers
She looked at him
Dracul Van Helsing
Canadian vampire hunter
who had driven a stake through the heart of many a vampire
but if you were a Vampiress
or at least a beautiful Vampiress
the stake through the heart was only metaphorical
for Dracul Van Helsing had the same effect on beautiful near-immortal vampiresses
as James Bond had on beautiful mortal women
and the result was always a meeting of arms, legs and lips in one enchantingly ocean swirling ode to Eros and Aphrodite
Said she, I thought you had dropped off the face of the Earth when the world supposedly ended December 21st 2012
No, Dracul replied as he gazed at the setting sun and gazed at her glowing face, I only laid me down and rested a while and now I’ve rose again.
Qonzilqointec smiled a smile most sensuous, I recall you doing the same thing that night we crossed the Rio Grande of Aztec and Mayan prophecy and opened the boundaries of cosmic Aphrodite.
Dracul laughed
He remembered he and Qonzilqointec had engaged in a night of passionate love making that night of December 21st 2012
Had the world really changed as a result of that enchanted evening where man and Vampiress had become one?
The lips of Qonzilqointec and Dracul Van Helsing once again touched
a cosmic kiss of sun and moonlight
on a warm Madrid night.

-A narrative free verse erotic poem
written by Christopher
Sunday July 12th 2015.

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