The Golem of Prague Has Gone Missing

February 19, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Politics, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


DARPA Contract Assassiness and Renfield associate Panty Goatee in Prague on the lookout for the Golem of Prague

“The Golem of Prague has gone missing, gentlemen,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield announced somewhat somberly over his rum and coke to the ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill.

“Mazel tov,” exclaimed Orson Welles’ ghost inappropriately and somewhat less soberly over his spectral bottle of Mogen David wine.

“Gazooks!” Churchill’s ghost put down his spectral lox and cream cheese bagel.

“Yes, I just got a text message from the Controller of The Golem,” Renfield referred to the Israeli Mossad Agent who went by that code name, “The Golem of Prague went missing last night from the invisible corner of the attic of Prague’s Old New Synagogue when the cantor punched in his invisible co-ordinates on his mobile phone to see if the Golem was still present albeit invisibly.”

“Holy contradiction in terms, Batman,” Churchill’s ghost remarked in somewhat Robinesque fashion, “how did that happen?”.

“Well according to video surveillance footage,” Renfield looked at the footage on his Huawei smart phone, “the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith and the Transylvanian Count Dracula (who appeared to be in a hypnotic state) flew into the attic and minutes later were seen carrying out a very visible Golem. The video has been shared 666 million times on social media because during the Golem heist, the vampiress Lilith was wearing the last evening dress that House of Chanel Creative Fashion Director Karl Lagerfeld (September 10th 1933 – February 19th 2019) who died earlier today had ever designed.”

“Lilith was wearing a Karl Lagerfeld evening gown when she stole the Golem?” Welles’ ghost dropped his cigar in incredulity.

“Say what you will about Lilith,” Renfield poured himself a glass of Glenlivet Single Malt Whisky, “The vampiress does have impeccable good taste.”

“But how was she able to access the code for the invisible corner of the attic of Prague’s Old New Synagogue?” Churchill’s ghost bit deep into his spectral cigar spilling ectoplasmic ash all over his spirited spiritly suit, “only the Controller of the Golem and his designated successor within Mossad know the complicated access code which is to be found in the world’s only Jewish Chinese abacus the whereabouts in Israel that only the Controller and his successor know. Such has always been the case since the state of Israel was created back in 1948.”

“I don’t know how the code was cracked,” Renfield cracked himself a walnut as Donald Trump appeared on his smart phone extolling the virtues of building a wall.

. . .

“It was pure luck,” the somewhat inebriated Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth (son of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom Sophia when she was still a virgin although she was helped in terms of genetic manipulation and cloning techniques by the immortal Egyptian priest-scientist Imhotep) told Stephen Colbert the host of the Late Show, “I really didn’t know how to crack the code. But after drinking 200 pints of Guinness, ask me to do anything and I’ll probably do it. Which explains how I wound up face down in the gutter in front of the Apostolic home of the recently defrocked former Cardinal Theodore McCarrick back when he was still Archbishop of Washington DC. I woke up with an awfully sore rectum I do recall.”

“And did Lilith actually wear the last evening gown that Karl Lagerfeld ever designed before he died when she abducted the Golem of Prague?” Colbert asked.

“That she did,” Yaldabaoth nodded as he helped himself to a can of Samuel Adams GOAT Beer and then tossed it aside when he noticed his half-brother’s picture on it, “a Karl Lagerfeld evening dress, red silk nylons and blue spiked stiletto high heeled shoes. I myself wore a pair of green silk tights and a denim mini skirt that I had bought from Old Navy.”

“Are you trying to copy my transsexual transgendered habits?” Yaldabaoth’s younger brother/sister the Baphomet (the male/female human goat demon hybrid that was the son/daughter of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom Sophia after she had made out with the Greek nature satyr god Pan) lunged at him from the audience.

“We appear to have a fight going on between a transgendered human goat demon hybrid and an Irish leprechaun,” Colbert informed his audience.

Meanwhile backstage the Nazi SS vampiress Helga Electrafreudenbund awaited to talk to Yaldabaoth.

She had failed in her own mission to destroy the Golem back during World War II.
She had ended up being strangled by the Golem of Prague but was brought back to life by Dr. Josef Mengele and then turned into a vampiress by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

. . .

“The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith is behind much of the anti-Semitism currently happening in Britain and France,” Renfield explained to Welles and Churchill, “Vengeance for what she said was the defamation and libel of her good name in The Babylonian Talmud.”

“What about the current anti-Semitism in the Labour Party?” Churchill asked.

“I’ll have to ask my good friend Liverpool Wavertree MP Luciana Berger,” Renfield replied, “formerly of the Labour Party but left yesterday with 6 other former Labour MPs to form the Independent Group.”


Liverpool Wavertree MP Luciana Berger in much happier times last summer.
Getting her picture taken by fellow MP Renfield R. Renfield as he did his impersonation of Groucho Marx smoking a cigar and doing his hybrid duck/penguin walk.

-A vampire novel
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 19th
2019.

R.I.P. Karl Lagerfeld
September 10th 1933
to
February 19th 2019.


Naomi Campbell wearing an outfit designed by Karl Lagerfeld

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Tom Brady and The Baphomet

February 6, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Celebrities, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield was having lunch with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

Renfield was having his favourite item on the menu- the Deluxe Dagwood Bumstead sized tuna fish sandwich.

“So anyways,” Renfield went on between huge mouthfuls of tuna fish, “it turns out that the aide to Rep. Nancy Pelosi spoke to stakeholders in both Blue Cross and Blue Shield insurance companies and assured them that there was no way Rep. Pelosi would allow for a national publicly funded single payer health care system. Hence I was right to advise my favourite American politian Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to give Rep. Nancy Pelosi the raspberry she so richly deserved when the former arrived in Washington DC. Establishment Democrats are just as bad as Trump neo-Establishment Republicans in defending the interests of ordinary working class and middle class Americans but the pseudointellectuals who make up the editorial content and opinion of The New York Times and Washington Post haven’t figured that out yet. They’re still busy blaming the poor Russians for Trump’s victory in 2016. Have you noticed the Robert Mueller probe which has been going on and on have charged Trump’s cronies with all manner of felonies except collusion with the Russians? Trump and Pelosi may be divided when it comes to walls but when it comes to denying poor and sick Americans access to first rate quality health care, the Donald and Nancy are united as one. Egads that sickening imagery I just used in my last sentence I won’t be able to get out of my mind now.”

Renfield pushed aside his remaining half plate of the Deluxe Dagwood Bumstead Tuna Sandwich.

Amadeus (whose large appetite overcame any aversion he might have had towards Renfieldian imagery of Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi engaged in conjugal relations even though both were excellent at screwing the country) promptly started to eat the sandwich.

“And then of course the New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady who may or may not have inflatable and deflatable balls,” Renfield added, “is now promoting Baphomet worship through the beer named in his honour.”

“Baphomet the trans-species and transgendered hybrid goat-human demon worshiped by the Knights-Templar, Eliphas Levi, Aleister Crowley and all those groups who object to public displays of the 10 Commandments?” Amadeus stopped eating (albeit momentarily).

“The very same,” Renfield nodded.

“I’d heard about that,” said Angelique Dumont who was an American vampiress from New Orleans (and therefore most definitely not a Tom Brady fan), “The Samuel Adams Brewing Company based in Boston is brewing a limited edition beer that celebrates Tom Brady as the GOAT (Greatest of All Time except in those moments when his balls start deflating). But the goat they use in the image is the Baphomet goat head.”

“Wow,” Amadeus managed to say between mouthfuls of the tuna.

“And of course the quarterback holding the ball on the beer can who happens to have the head of the Baphomet bears the #12 on his jersey which of course is Tom Brady’s number but 2012 is also the year that the famous French Lovecraftian inspired artist and painter P.H. Felinedamour mysteriously disappeared on the night of December 21st just as the Baphomet was seen standing outside his art studios,” Renfield remarked as he sipped his Chai tea.

“Wow,” Amadeus repeated his mantra for the evening the same way that Fox news commentators mindlessly and stupidly repeat the mantra word of Venezuela whenever they were confronted with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s proposals for a publicly funded national healthcare system.

. . .

“Who are you?” New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady asked the ghostly white figure wearing the black mask who approached him.

“I am the ghost of Dr. Faustus,” the spectre replied, “the one who foolishly sold his soul to the demon Mephistopheles. I was recently granted temporary dispensational leave from Purgatory by Hades and Persephone the rulers of the Underworld to come warn you as Hades just happens to be a New England Patriots fan.”

“Warn me of what?” Brady spilled GOAT Beer all over himself.

“The Baphomet (whom you stupidly sold your soul to) will soon be coming for your soul,” Faustus sneezed an ectoplasmic sneeze all over the inside of his mask.

“But I was promised 7 Super Bowl titles in exchange for my soul,” Brady protested, “Just like Oliver Cromwell was promised 7 years of power as absolute ruler of Britain when he sold his soul to Lucifer the Devil himself. I only have 6 Super Bowl titles.”

“Yes, but the Antichrist might be coming soon,” Faustus took off his mask showing a heavily burnt and disfigured face, “and the Baphomet is afraid that in the confusion of the Apocalypse, your soul might somehow get away from him.”

“How the Hell is the Antichrist coming soon?” Brady asked.

“Well, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Pope Francis, Talpiot (which is the Israeli equivalent of DARPA) and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman are currently working on a strict timetable,” Faustus answered.

“Shit,” said Brady.

Faustus continued to walk down the street where he passed filmmaker Michael Moore in a pizzeria drinking GOAT Beer alongside the demon Baal and eating the pizzeria’s John Podesta pizza special.

-A vampire novel
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 6th
2019.


The Baphomet and Tom Brady merged in one on a GOAT Beer can.

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Sophia, Yaldabaoth, A London Werewolf and The Wolfman

January 18, 2019 at 11:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


A black and white photograph taken of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess Sophia by Orson Welles in 1938

Sophia was worshipped as a goddess by early Gnostic groups emerging in the 1st and 2nd Centuries AD and their successors throughout the centuries.

Sophia was a daughter of Athena- she being born from Athena’s head just like Athena was born from Zeus’ head.

However on one occasion while visiting India, Sophia ran into the Hindu moon god Soma.

The lunar deity Soma gave Sophia some of his psychedelic elixir of immortality also called Soma to drink.

Sophia took quite an out of this world trip as a result.

She claimed to be an emanation – the last in a line of a series of emanations from a divine impersonal force she called the Ein Sof (meaning the Infinite or “Endless One”).

She went to Alexandria in Egypt in the 1st Century AD where she gave this revelation to many of the Neo-Platonist schools in the city.

Gnosticism developed as a result.

While in Egypt, she encountered the immortal Egyptian scientist Imhotep (he who had served as Chancellor to the Egyptian Pharaoh Djoser and was high priest of the Egyptian sun god Ra at Heliopolis).

Imhotep was trying to determine whether it was scientifically possible for a woman to have a virgin birth.

Sophia volunteered to be Imhotep’s guinea pig as it were.

She gave birth to a strange little being called Yaldabaoth.

The little fellow (and indeed he remained little all of his immortal life) travelled to Ireland where he became the world’s first leprechaun.

To this day Yaldabaoth enjoys drinking and spinning yarns and hiding pots of gold at the end of rainbows in his adopted country of Ireland.

However Sophia did not mention that to the Neo-Platonists of Alexandria.

Instead she said that her son Yaldabaoth was a Demiurge who foolishly created the material physical world (Sophia had imbibed some of the teachings of some Buddhist schools in Alexandria that the material physical cosmos was inherently and intrinsically evil) and that this Demiurge Yaldabaoth was the same as the god YHWH (Yahweh) worshipped by the Hebrew peoples.

This teaching was adapted and taught by a man named Marcion in the 2nd Century AD.

However Sophia who had now been a virgin for what she considered forever longed to have sex at last.

Imhotep had recently brought the Greek goat god Pan back from the dead.

Pan had died after drinking too much wine at a wedding celebration in Cana of Galilee (after he had laughed at one of the lunatic servants who told him that an hour earlier the wine had just been plain water).

As soon as Sophia saw the Imhotep resurrected Pan, she fell in love and they slept together.

Pan after having one Hell of an orgasm (and with a virgin at that) decided to celebrate by digging around Cana of Galilee again to see if there were any jugs of that delicious wine left.

Turns out there was, Pan drank it and promptly died again (this was wine to die for as far as Greek goat gods were concerned).

Anyhow Sophia turned out to be pregnant after her encounter with Pan and she gave birth (this time in a non-virginal fashion) to Baphomet the half-human half goat half male half-female entity.

Baphomet had the Norse god Loki as his tutor for several years and then Baphomet was adopted as a son by the fallen angel Samael.

On Samael’s advice, Baphomet was made a demon.

In 1938, Sophia had met the young Orson Welles on the same day as his infamous War of the Worlds Broadcast on radio and he had taken her photo.

Now Sophia was back in the United States again.

She was going to be attending a Super Wolf Blood Moon party this coming Sunday in Washington DC.

The party was being thrown by a British Lord- Lord L who was one of the high ranking members of the Illuminati (Coincidentally the founder of the Illuminati the Jesuit priest and canon law professor Adam Weishaupt had come into possession of the gnostic Pistis Sophia manuscript in 1773 which told one version of the gnostic Sophia myth- 1773 was also the same year the Jesuit order was suppressed by Pope Clement XIV. Weishaupt founded the Illuminati 3 years later in 1776).

Also attending the party would be Sophia’s old friend the Hindu moon god Soma.

Soma would be bringing bottles of the hallucinogenic elixir drink likewise called Soma with him.

Unbeknownst to NASA, the Chinese were using the Chang’e 4 lunar probe
to mine Soma on the moon.

They were flying the Soma elixir of life back to Earth for the Lord L party again unbeknownst to NASA because NASA employees were busy falling asleep listening to the speeches of Donald Trump, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer on who was responsible for the U.S. government shutdown.

Sophia smiled as a snow white hare in the Washington DC snow hopped by.

. . .

In London, a 119 year old Jesuit priest who had spent most of his life in Tibet and who had been the one to warn botanist Dr. Wilfrid Glendon not to look for the Mariphasa lupina lumina the phosphorescent wolf-flower which blooms by the light of the moon (and not the sun) because no one ever returned alive from the valley where it bloomed (the story was the subject of the 1935 film The Werewolf of London) was walking the streets of London.

He was hoping to locate the whereabouts of the Church of England’s most pre-eminent exorcist the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was currently in London.

Coincidentally enough, the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds was the grandson of the Rev. Father Augustine Bury Saint Edmunds who as a young priest had served as a curate and deacon at an Anglican Church in Llanwelly Wales a village which itself had been haunted by a werewolf (that story was the subject of the 1941 film The Wolfman).

The 119 year old Jesuit was hoping to inform Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds that a Welsh werewolf former British Labour Member of Parliament Magog Rhys Petley who now lived and worked as a private eye in London was going to be sacrificed at Lord L’s Washington DC Super Wolf Blood Moon Party in an effort to make a group of influential bankers and politicians immortal (Ironically enough Magog Rhys Petley had become a werewolf after he was bitten by the severed head of Rahu the Hindu demon of eclipses during a lunar eclipse back in 2011).

And the way the world was being sodomized by all kinds of forces these days- that’s all the poor old Earth needed at the moment- a bunch of crooked bankers and politicians who would live forever.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 18th
2019.

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Baphomet News Network Editorial On American Politics

September 22, 2018 at 6:46 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Baphomet News Network Editorial On American Politics

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was picking up yet another Baphomet News Network broadcast from Hell on his psychic lobster antennae.

Baphomet News Network Announcer: And here with today’s network editorial is the Baphomet News Network’s Chief Editorialist-
Comrade Daimonicus Commentarius…

Comrade Daimonicus Commentarius: Hi, I’m Comrade Daimonicus Commentarius with your editorial for the last day of summer in the Northern Hemisphere- Saturday, September 22nd 2018.

One of the quotes of the Enemy that a lot of mortals misinterpret is, “And if Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself; how then shall his kingdom stand?”.

That means of course that Satan will not cast out Satan, Beelzebub will not cast out Beelzebub, Lucifer will not cast out Lucifer, Mephistopheles will not cast out Mephistopheles, Moloch will not cast out Moloch, The Baphomet will not cast out Baphomet.

However mortals take it to mean that demons will not confront one another.

Now indeed we will not confront Lucifer the Devil unless we’re totally masochistic.

But we know we will challenge and confront one another other than Lucifer.

For example, we know that Mephistopheles controlled Nazi Germany’s Hitler just like Moloch controlled the Soviet Union’s Stalin.

Moloch of course won that contest.

The demon Mammon won the Cold War against Moloch.

And today as we know, Mammon, Mephistopheles, Moloch and Baphomet hold joint jurisdiction over the United States of America 🇺🇸 which of course explains why the U.S. is so divided and why that country is in the mess it is.

Of course, most U.S. Republican Party members and supporters worship Mammon and Mephistopheles while most U.S. Democratic Party members and supporters worship Moloch (aka Baal) and Baphomet…”

The transmission suddenly ended.

But Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was grateful for one thing.

He now thoroughly understood U.S. politics.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 22nd
2018.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Ugly Airhead, Pope Francis Blows Baphomet and Renfield Gets Tip On Syria Chemical Attack

September 7, 2018 at 10:58 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Beheads Ugly Airhead, Pope Francis Blows Baphomet and Renfield Gets Tip On Syria Chemical Attack

Pan Goatee was walking down the middle stairwell of the public transit train station when a typical stupid ugly looking white woman in this city tried to race him down the stairs on the other stairwell.

Pan Goatee ran like Hermes after he got a hot poker shoved up his ass by Hephaestus (things that now go on at modern Establishment Democratic Party conventions during the after hours) and beat the ugly looking white woman down the stairs.

“You can’t outrun me, you stupid ugly looking thing,” Pan Goatee shouted back at the product of faulty genetics without bothering to look at the putrid mess.

He then boarded the train.

He was shocked to see the ugly looking thing follow after him on the train and then in an act of blatant airheadedness actually sat next to the genetically created satyr serial killer.

Pan Goatee immediately beheaded the ugly creature for such a blatant failure of a female IQ test.

He then cut her up into 666 quintillion pieces.

Looking around for a garbage bag, he couldn’t see any so he stole a University student’s knapsack instead.

He threw all the pieces inside the knapsack while the University student said aloud, “Well, at least I’ll have a far more interesting excuse this time than the dog ate my homework for not completing last night’s class assignment.”

Goatee then stole a container of gasoline as he didn’t have any cash on him and he had gone over this month’s DARPA Credit Card Amount of $650 million.

He then set fire 🔥 to the knapsack containing the pieces of the ugly looking creature and hurled it through the window of yet another drug house in a drug gang controlled neighbourhood.

This time Pabo Escobar’s ghost had to drop ghostly spectral Artificial Tears 😭 in his eyes to start bawling 😭 over the fire 🔥 as he had developed a bad case of dry eyes 👀 as a result of too much crying 😢 over the many fires in drug gang controlled neighbourhoods that Pan Goatee had started lately.

As fire trucks 🚒 arrived on scene to fight the 66-alarm fire 🔥 in this neighbourhood, Nero’s ghost speaking into his ghostly microphone announced to the spectators of the massive blaze, “I’d like to specially dedicate this next tune to Pan Goatee” and proceeded to play on his violin 🎻 the tune to that song by The Supremes, “Whenever you are near, I hear a symphony…”

. . .

“Some bad news, Mr. President,” a White House aide who had been forced to sign a loyalty oath in blood that morning spoke to Donald Trump.

“What is it?” Trump asked, “Another gutless anonymous editorial by someone accusing me of being mentally unbalanced?”.

Trump proceeded to comb his toupee into an Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte looking hairstyle and then held a small black comb under his nose to make it look like he was sporting an Adolf Hitler moustache.

“No, the CIA is complaining about cutbacks to their programs,” his aide said.

“But I thought I increased spending for the CIA’s budget as well as the military budget and the ICE budget to say nothing of extensive tax cuts for the nation’s top 1% earners,” Trump looked shocked, “the only programs where I massively cut spending were programs for the poor, the sick and the elderly.”

“No, the CIA is complaining about cutbacks to their covert non-government funded black ops programs whose funding is provided by the Colombian and Mexican drug cartels,” his aide explained, “The Colombian and Mexican drug cartels are upset because they think you ordered DARPA contract assassin Pan Goatee to burn down drug gang controlled neighbourhoods in Western Canada.”

“But I gave Pan Goatee no such order,” Trump exploded and blew the honey coloured red spider monkey fur toupee off his head, “I sent him as an Emissary of Peace to deal with wealthy Western Canadians who have been donating large sums of money to Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s Canadian Federal Liberal Party. It’s part of my ongoing NAFTA negotiations. I never even mentioned drugs.”

. . .

Pope Francis had been instructed by Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal to perform an act of obeisance to Baphomet the half-goat half-human half-male half-female entity who was worshiped by the Vampiric Knights-Templar.

Holding on to his twisted Crucifix episcopal crozier whose image resembled the Frankenstein monster more than it did Jesus Christ, Pope Francis knelt down in front of the Baphomet who stood at the High Altar inside the papal chapel.

Baphomet’s male sex organ then became erect as the entity thought about Caitlyn Jenner.

“Now you must give the Baphomet a blow job as part of your obeisance,” Allatallahbel ordered as she sprinkled her High Priestess dress with the blood of innocents.

“What?” Pope Francis’s face turned ashen white.

One of the Vampiric Knights-Templar played the Boy George song Karma Chameleon on a pair of Scottish bagpipes.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed by BBC News on Barack Obama’s criticism of Donald Trump.

“I think it was for the most part justified,” Renfield answered, “the only part where I’d disagree is where he says that the Republican Party have been the ones responsible for all the divisiveness and paranoia in America the past few decades. The Democrats have been largely responsible for much of the divisiveness and paranoia as well. Ever since South Dakota Sen. George McGovern (described by his Democratic Presidential primaries rival Washington Sen. Henry “Scoop” Jackson as the candidate of “amnesty, acid and abortion”) won the Democratic Party Presidential nomination in 1972, the Democrats have become a gang of abortion loving, hashish loving degenerate and perverted far left-wing bozos which has produced an opposite extreme in the Republican Party in its Tea Party wing. If I had been there, I’d have given O’ Bummer the raspberry he so richly deserved at that point.”

When Renfield had finished the interview, he was handed a package 📦.

He gave it to a New York Times reporter to open thinking it might be a return present 💝 from Russian President Vladimir Putin whom he had recently sent a package.

The fake news correspondent opened it and no explosions took place.

“A whole bunch of documents,” said the reporter.

Renfield looked at the documents.

They were plans detailing a plan by a rogue branch of Britain’s MI-6 to launch a chemical weapons attack on civilians in the Idlib province of Syria and then blame the government of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad to justify an all out western assault on Damascus to overthrow Assad.

As Renfield looked at the documents and the dates on it, he realized he’d be racing against time to prevent an attack on Syrian civilians.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 7th
2018.

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Pope Francis and The Satanic Sacrifice In Geneva

June 22, 2018 at 10:15 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Pope Francis and The Satanic Sacrifice In Geneva

Pan Goatee was walking around transit stops once again continuing his aesthetically inspired efforts in making the city more attractive by improving the visual appearance of its local transit system.

He had his laser machete and a karaoke headpiece with him.

He also had a can of gasoline.

As he started this evening’s slash and burn policy of ridding the city of its ugly females, he sang his own version of an old Wang Chung song from the mid-1980s:

I’d slash a million heads
to promote beauty
(Cuts off the head of an ugly looking girl)
So if you’re feeling low
cause you saw an uglo
(kicks the head away)
The blades I use are strong
They create beauty
But now the gasoline’s on
Light this head to Hell

(Pours gasoline over the head)

Rip it up
Slash down
Rip it up
Rid the world of its frown
Rip it up
Burn down
Rip it up
Beauty increases in town

Everybody slash ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight
Everybody slash ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight
Everybody slash ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight

Deep in the world tonight
(cuts off the head of a fat ugly woman)
The heads are going down
The blood will really flow
all the way across town

Rip it up
(cuts off the head of an even fatter and even uglier woman)
Slash down
Rip it up
Kick it down the ground
(Kicks head down the street)
Rip it up
burn down
Rip it up
Get out what’s inside of you
(takes off his Happy Days Fonzie black leather jacket and exposes a t-shirt that says GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR INNER PSYCHOPATH)

Everybody kill ughs tonight
Everybody kill ughs tonight
Everybody have fun tonight…

On the edge of oblivion
All the world is Babylon
And all the love and everyone
A ship of fools sailing on
It’s the Voyage of the Damned tonight
Charon is hanging on

Across the nation
massive constipation
Everybody Ex-Lax tonight
An enema that cuts through the grime
I don’t consider it a crime

. . .

The ghost of the late Iraqi President Saddam Hussein had somehow managed to escape the fires 🔥 of Tartarus when Hades (the Greek god of the Underworld) had his back turned.

Hades at the time was taking some giant lobsters out of a bag that were a gift to him from his brother Poseidon the god of the sea 🌊.

Hades was planning to roast the lobsters at a massive shake and bake that he was planning at one of the world’s largest volcanoes 🌋 during the next month.

Saddam’s ghost was currently in the city of Istanbul because he had heard that the Vietnamese government in Hanoi was going to name Ho Babylon Minh (the vampiress granddaughter of the late Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh) the Vietnamese Ambassador to the revived Ottoman Empire.

Saddam who had spent time roasting away on a spit in Tartarus was a little behind (in the opinion of Truman Capote’s ghost) in his knowledge of the world’s current affairs.

He was not aware that Turkey’s 🇹🇷 despotic and demagogic President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had not yet formally proclaimed the revival of the Ottoman Empire with himself (Erdogan) as the new Sultan of Constantinople and the new Caliph of the new Global Islamic Caliphate.

Erdogan was hoping to do extremely well in the Presidential and Parliamentary elections this coming Sunday June 24th (the Feast Day of the Nativity of Saint John the Baptist) and then he’d announce the creation of the revived Ottoman Empire with himself as Sultan and Caliph.

As Hades rummaged through the bag of lobsters looking for a psychic lobster to eat first, Persephone noticed that Saddam’s ghost had gone missing.

She immediately sent the 3-headed dog Cerberus up to Earth to find Saddam’s ghost and bring him back to Tartarus.

. . .

Pope Francis was in his bedroom in the Vatican discussing the difference between dreams and reality with the ghost of Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung.

Why Pope Francis had asked Hades to temporarily grant Dr. Jung’s ghost a dispensation to leave Purgatory for a while was there was something that the Jesuit pontiff wished to discuss with the well known expert on dreams.

The matter had been bothering Father Jorge Mario Bergoglio (as Pope Francis was known to close associates) for the past 24 hours.

Ever since he had returned to Rome from Geneva.

The pontiff had spent the Summer Solstice in Geneva attending 70th anniversary celebrations for the World Council of Churches.

After the celebration, Francis had been invited to attend what was called “a non-Anglican Evensong service” in an abandoned and desolate Catholic Church on the outskirts of Geneva.

During the service, Francis saw a 16-year-old beautiful young Russian girl (who was said to be both a virgin and the youngest living (until then) female relative of the old Russian Imperial Romanov family) sacrificed to the satanic idol image of Baphomet while Vladimir Lenin’s ghost looked on and applauded.

During the sacrifice of the Russian girl, the Baphomet appeared in person and sang those old Cat Stevens lyrics, “I’m being followed by a moonshadow, moon shadow, moonshadow” as he played the song on an electric guitar 🎸 while a werewolf howled outside the very unusual looking stained glass window depicting the image of Judas Iscariot.

“What I want to know,” Francis asked Jung as he wiped his glasses, “was this just a dream I had or did this actually happen?”.

Jung took off his own pair of spectral glasses 👓 and wiped them with his spectral handkerchief, “I’ll need to discuss this further with one of my colleagues. Preferably Sigmund Freud.”

Francis got on his Hermes Trismegistus smart phone and dialled Hades’ private number to ask him to give Sigmund Freud’s ghost a temporary dispensation from Purgatory.

“Awwww, shit,” Hades cried as one of the lobsters pinched him on the buttocks with his claws when the Greek chthonic deity was distracted by the sound of Johann Sebastian Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring ring tone playing on his own Hermes Trismegitus smart phone.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 22nd
2018.

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Geneva Convention- Baphomet Style

June 20, 2018 at 10:47 pm (Aesthetics, Arts, Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Philosophy, Politics, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Geneva Convention- Baphomet Style

DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was riding a transit bus 🚌 making sure the local transit system adhered to his Nietzschean principles of aesthetic beauty.

Just then an ugly looking high school girl boarded the bus.

Pan Goatee vomited 🤮 all over the person sitting next to him.

“You can probably get that out with Ultra-Tide laundry detergent,” Pan said as he stood up and removed his laser machete from his Angela Merkel emblazoned boxer shorts.

As the ugly looking high school girl stood by the back door of the bus, Pan Goatee immediately beheaded her and then cut her up into tiny little pieces.

He then pulled a whiskey bottle that contained Doppelgänger (a lethal combination of Irish Guinness and Greek Ouzo) out of his Hawaiian tropical shirt pocket and said, “Never send a sober nanite to do a drunken nanite’s job.”

He then poured the alcohol into the mouths of the already vomiting 🤮 nanoparticles sickened by the aesthetically challenged body parts of the ugly high school girl (who had even been considered too ugly to star in the horror flick High School of the Living Dead for which she recently auditioned).

The nanites then ate the body parts and continued vomiting 🤮 en masse.

Pan Goatee exited through the emergency hatch at the top of the bus as the nanite vomit continued to rise and ended up drowning all the passengers and the bus driver.

. . .

Donald Trump smiled at the TV camera as he signed an executive order banning the separation of immigrant children from their parents.

He then opened a box of Christmas pie he had been saving since last Christmas, put in his thumb, pulled out a plum and said, “What a good boy am I.”

Melania Trump and Ivanka Trump vomited 🤮 all over the Lincoln Bedroom after watching the spectacle on television.

Abe Lincoln’s ghost remarked, “I don’t blame you” as he spewed forth a nasty 🤢 looking flow of ectoplasm out of his mouth which no doubt would have caused the Ghostbusters (in the original 1984 film) to give up their day jobs.

. . .

As Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was getting an anonymous tip about a satanic cult performing a human sacrifice tomorrow in Geneva, Switzerland 🇨🇭, members of the satanic cult The Legion of Apollinarius were getting ready for their own H. P. Lovecraft style take on Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Eve.

The priest Petrus Romanus Puer Miratio Robinus was getting ready for the human sacrifice tomorrow night.

A Swiss cuckoo clock that had a bat 🦇 out of Hell for a cuckoo bird came out of the clock riding a fiery blazing chopper motorcycle 🏍 announcing the time.

Petrus was consulting the Swiss gypsy medium Heidi Hannibal in the steam furnace basement room of the early 20th Century church building where the human sacrifice would take place tomorrow night in the chapel and altar above.

Swiss gypsy medium Heidi Hannibal

“Hello Baphomet, are you there?” Petrus asked as Heidi Hannibal went into a channeling trance.

“I am,” Baphomet spoke in a deeply diabolical baritone voice through the lovely Swiss blonde.

“You must have a nice singing voice,” Petrus recalled a line that Bill Murray had used in the 1984 film Ghostbusters.

“You should hear me sing the role of Mephistopheles in Charles Gounod’s opera Faust,” Baphomet answered through Heidi Hannibal, “I even sing it better than Mephistopheles himself.”

“That I can believe,” answered Petrus who wasn’t impressed by Mephistopheles’ falsetto style voice.

“Have you made all the arrangements for tomorrow’s Midsummer Night’s non-Anglican Evensong service and satanic sacrifice?” Baphomet asked.

“The boys’ choir is putting in extra time,” Petrus admitted, “our lead singer just hit puberty last night after encountering Heidi wearing a short skirt.”

“Hm, I can see that happening,” Baphomet admitted, “make sure Heidi goes nowhere near the boys in the choir until after tomorrow night’s service.”

“I’ll do that, your Infernalness,” Petrus bowed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 20th
2018.

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Baphomet In Jerusalem

June 15, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Baphomet In Jerusalem

Baphomet walks the streets of Jerusalem
that Templar idol of yesteryore
that haunts most occult folklore
Nine foot tall is he
he hits his head on many a tree
He is union of Hermes and Aphrodite
a hermaphrodite
told by French king to fly a kite

The Knights-Templar were tortured 😖
and admitted to worshiping this idol in Jerusalem orchard
Lie? Truth? Or myth?
But right now the goat needed to find a biff.

The Baphomet was a winged hermaphrodite with a torch between his horns
a sight not seen on those equine unicorns
and a pentagram on his forehead
not a tattoo his mama had said
On his right arm the Latin word SOLVE
that Palmolive liquid could not dissolve
on his left arm COAGULA
but not the blood of Dracula
These were Latin for the English expressions “separate” and “join together” respectively
not found in old services for Matrimony.

Two fingers on his right hand point up
he’s asking for more than one cup
Two fingers on his left hand point down
his feminine half forgot her nightgown
He had male phallus and female breasts
to the point where even LGBTs were saying “Give it a rest”
He had head of goat 🐐 on humanoid body
but he was allowed to drive in Saudi
though unveiled he was like Blavatsky’s Isis
and now he’d send Mid-East into crisis
Eliphas Levi first drew his pic
but substituted snakes for prick
for artist did worry about going blind
remembering that day his mommy did find
But enough of that
blind is the bat
who did not see
what Baphomet did to yonder tree
The goat head Levi borrowed from Egyptian goat headed deity Banebdjedet
sprayed by Greek Pan’s semen equally wet.
Baphomet was called the Sabbat Goat
whose goat’s milk went down Crowley’s throat
and Aleister joined Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club
and took a ride aboard mighty Beatles’ Yellow Sub

The Baphomet grinning a goatish grin did say,
I do feel like frolicking in the hay
My motto is “As above, so below”
will yonder Hebrew maiden give me a blow?
While the maiden did play for Baphomet the final Trump
The Donald did dream he took it in the rump.

And so I say to you, Miss, Madam, good sir
that as the days of Noah were
so the coming of the Son of Man shall be
for just look at what Baphomet is doing to that poor young tree.

-A poem written by Christopher
(who believe it or not was not under the influence of hallucinogenic drugs at the time)
Friday June 15th 2018.

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The Feast of The Beast 2018

March 23, 2018 at 10:23 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Feast of The Beast 2018

Desiree was 16 years old.

She obviously did not pay much attention to current Hollywood news.

Because while walking the Hollywood Walk of Fame, a limousine pulled up.

The limousine’s back window rolled down and an older man- a well known Hollywood actor- invited her into the limo for a ride.

If she knew her Hollywood news, she’d have realized that Hollywood was crawling with a lot of perverts.

Later Desiree in her blue mini dress found herself tied to a sacrificial altar beneath a statue of the Baphomet inside the Hollywood actor’s mansion.

“What are you doing?” Desiree shouted.

“I’m sacrificing you to Baphomet,” the actor replied and lowered his knife and slit her throat and did just that.

. . .

“Lexington,” Donald Trump called for his English butler and valet.

“What is it, sir?” Lexington asked.

“A charcoal burnt human hand just crawled across the floor by itself,” Trump said.

“No need to worry, sir,” Lexington went to the closet, “I’ll use a Swiffer Wet Jet to wash the floor.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Trump reflected, “and find out whose hand it is. I’m going to fire that person in a tweet.”

. . .

Two scientists were conducting an evening test at the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Geneva, Switzerland.

One scientist remarked to the other, “That seems to be a very realistic looking statue of Shiva the Transformer by the door.”

“Yes, it is,” the other scientist agreed.

Suddenly there was an explosion 💥 from the tunnel tube.

A huge hole opened up and out walked the multi armed goddess Kali.

She went up and kissed the statue of Shiva.

“I think,” said the scientist to his fellow researcher, “the next time they decide to erect the statue of a god on Collider grounds, they better hire a sculptor who specializes in a more abstract form of sculpture.”

. . .

Prince Vlad Dracula, the Byzantine Vampiress Theodora (who was the Byzantine Empress Theodora the wife of the Emperor Justinian in her mortal life) and the Israeli Mossad agent the Controller of The Golem had just captured a group of Turkish officers who were leading Turkish troops against their allies the Kurds.

“I think we should hand these Turkish officers over to British MP Renfield R. Renfield for interrogation,” said Dracula.

“I agree,” Theodora started wiping the blood off her gown with a towel soaked in Tide laundry detergent.

“Renfield can be quite ruthless in his interrogations,” noted the Controller of The Golem.

Theodora played on her iPhone a recent speech given by Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan in which he called on the 57 member state Organization of The Islamic Conference to unite as one army and destroy the State of Israel 🇮🇱.

“Hand them over to Renfield,” the Controller agreed.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was out deer 🦌 hunting on a country estate just north of Moscow.

Putin stumbled across what he thought was a stag with a very impressive set of antlers.

And in one way it was.

For the stag was actually Cernunnos the horned Celtic god of animals and the underworld.

Cernunnos stood up on its hind legs and with a crossbow it carried in its forearms it fired an arrow which moved with rapid lightning speed.

The arrow struck Putin in the forehead and the Russian leader fell to the ground.

Later at the nearby dacha where Putin was taken, the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was awakened and informed what happened.

“A stag with a rapid firing crossbow did this, you say?” She asked one of Putin’s fellow hunters who nodded, “That was no ordinary stag. That was Cernunnos the horned god of the Celtic pantheon. The arrow was poison tipped and the poison is now in Putin’s bloodstream. I must suck all the blood out and replace it with my own in order for him to live.”

“But how will you live then?” Asked the bodyguard.

“Thank you for your sacrifice for your Motherland and your leader,” Lilith bit him on the neck and drained all his blood which she then spit out and put in a large glass container and put in the freezer for safekeeping.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 23rd
2018.

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