The Sun Dog That Ate A Hot Dog: A Poem

April 20, 2015 at 7:13 pm (Humour, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

The Sun Dog That Ate A Hot Dog: A Poem

Cornelius was leading a dog’s life
because he was free of kids and wife
He also happened to be a dog
one not mistaken for a bump on a log
a huge Saint Bernard
who escaped his master’s yard
and then headed off to the beach
lucky for him within reach.

What brought him to this date with destiny
aside from the outdoor trees looking thirsty
was listening to the spiel of a TV documentary
that spoke in language not elementary
“A sun dog is an atmospheric phenomenon that creates bright spots of light in the sky”
oh to listen to such drivel Corn thought he would die
“often on a luminous ring or halo on either side of the sun”
that does it, Corn thought, he’d really have to run
out the door he went
past the little pup tent
and over the fence he jumped in a flash
and then down to the beach he made a mad dash.

He’d be a sun dog himself having his day in the sun
and oh to be on the beach looked like such fun
he dashed into the water
as if he were seal or otter
where he made quite the splash
then from the surf he’d rise with a dash
and shake himself off on spectators left and right
such drying oneself off on passers-by led to a fight
but he didn’t stick around to referee
for no, he had a date with destiny.

For up the beach Cornelius did spot something grand
what turned out to be a hot dog stand
what the stranger held in his hands
on these sunny day beach sands
Wiener, mustard, relish and onion in a bun
Cornelius thought to self, You old son of a gun
He leapt in the air
like an acrobatic pair
and swallowed the hot dog at one take
causing the stand’s owner to shake and bake
He went beserk in the noon day sun
and that was the end of Cornelius’ fun.

The man called the animal pound
and Cornelius was wrestled to the ground
into the paddy wagon he was put
like a canine crook
that was all it took.

So ended Cornelius’ day in the sun
what a tale social networking sites spun
the sun dog that ate the hot dog
out of history’s mist and fog
a legend was born
so when you’re feeling forlorn
think of Cornelius some morn
and then realize with a tingle
this Noel Coward jingle
“Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noon day sun”
and at all times on the beach, hold on to your hot dog bun.

-A poem written by Christopher
Monday April 20th 2015.

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Cinco de Mayo Summer Day In Vancouver

May 6, 2013 at 1:46 am (Personal essays) (, , , , , , , )

Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone! 

 

After going to Church this morning, I spent the day on the beach at English Bay where it was a glorious sunshiney day.

 

Since coming to Vancouver, one thing I’ve noticed while eating in restaurants here is that people often take photos of their lunches and dinners prior to eating them.

 

It’s a habit that hasn’t really caught on in Edmonton at the time I left it last October.

 

However it’s probably big elsewhere as it is in Vancouver because this would explain why photos from my Facebook friends from all over the world often have photos of food and drink.

 

They take photos before they eat or drink what they’re having.

 

I remember in one Korean restaurant I was in about a week ago, I wondered if the food was going to get cold because there was a group of 20 people sitting at one table.  And everybody was taking a photo of everyone else’s plate of food as well as their own. Nobody started eating until all the photos were taken.

 

Memo to myself: Remember to eat something before the meal if I’m ever invited to a large group gathering eating out because I might die of starvation by the time everyone finishes taking their smart phone photos of everyone’s dish.

 

This will probably give rise to the expression “photogenic food”.

 

 

Anyways while I was at the beach, there was this guy and girl who sat down on the log next to me and both of them had ice cream cones.

 

The girl took out her smart phone and was trying to line up the perfect picture to take of her ice cream cone- something difficult to do while holding an ice cream cone in one hand and a smart phone in the other.

 

Anyways it was a hot summer day on the beach and she was taking so long to take the perfect photo of her ice cream cone (no doubt to upload to her friends on Facebook) that the ice cream cone started to melt.

 

Pretty soon it was really melting all over the place.

 

“Oh shoot,” the girl said, “I can’t take a picture of this now. It’s melted all over the place.”

 

Anyways her boyfriend finally grabbed her smart phone and took a photo of both her and the melted ice cream cone.

 

An image that will no doubt live in posterity on someone’s Facebook page.

 

Later in the early evening I went to a bar and had a refreshing drink to cool down.

 

People who read my vampire novel and my short stories no doubt have noticed that I love making up and telling my own puns.

 

Anyways the bar was quite busy tonight.

 

There were 3 bartenders on and they were trying to fill all the drink orders.

 

Then one girl called out to the other two and said, “Will someone please grab me another Caesar?”.

 

Note to my American readers: A Caesar is a popular drink up here in Canada. It’s made of vodka and clamato juice (Clamato is a combination of clam and tomato juice- I’ve been told that Clamato juice isn’t so popular in the U.S. and hence a Caesar is a uniquely Canadian drink).

 

Anyways as soon as this girl said, “Will someone please grab me another Caesar?”, I immediately piped up, “That’s what a Roman general once said when the latest Roman Emperor had just been assassinated by his own Praetorian Guard, will someone please grab me another Caesar?”.

 

And that dear friends is how I spent my Cinco de Mayo summer day in Vancouver.

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