Marxist Puppets On Strings

June 30, 2020 at 10:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pan Goatee exited the grocery store where a very unusual version of an old Elvis Presley song was playing above the store aisles,

“Are you Marxist tonight?
Are you sorry you read Das Kapital?….”

While exiting the store, the genetically created satyr serial killer encountered a fat ugly blimp with a butch haircut and a streak of a very ugly looking shade of blue in her hair.

“Why don’t you wear a paper bag over your head when you go out in public, you ugly looking bull dyke freak?” Goatee commented as he lopped off her head with his astral laser machete.

“Hey, you shouldn’t call people bull dyke freaks,” snivelled a man who could have easily passed for being a member of Pope Francis’ curia if he lived at the Vatican or a hairdresser if he lived in Beverly Hills California, “especially during Pride week when we’ve got the Marxist-Leninist New Age Maitreyan occultic inverted rainbow displayed all over the place?”.

“Why don’t you turn into a pillar of salt like Lot’s wife did?” Goatee calmly answered as he lopped off the whiner’s head.

The whiner’s head exploded in a massive burst of salt (with a dash of pepper) as it hit the ground.

Meanwhile over in Beijing, Xi Jinping was playing with some controls that managed the electric invisible puppet strings that controlled Xi’s puppet Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus the Ethiopian Communist who had headed the World Health Organization since 2017.

“The Covid-19 virus is still here, the Covid-19 virus is still here,” Dr. Tedros shouted in a fit of apoplexy as he rode a toy horse coloured pale green.

“Good news on the Hong Kong front,” the supernatural entity known as the Black Dragon who was Xi’s spirit guide advisor smiled, “the Hong Kong Security Law is now law in Hong Kong. We can now start throwing people in jail by the millions.”

“That’s great,” Xi beamed like a beatific Buddha if Buddha had been possessed by a demon, “no doubt Democatic Party governors and Mayors in America will continue to take notes from my actions as they round up Christians and other non-Marxists in the U.S.”.

“That is if the Neo-Marxist insurrectionists and Neo-Jacobin revolutionaries don’t guillotine them all first once they finish tearing down all the statues of the old America,” the Black Dragon laughed like Mount Vesuvius erupting over Pompeii in 79 AD.

“Exactly,” Xi got one of his drag queen roosters to lay a 1000-year-old egg.

“There’s good news on the Taiwan front as well,” the Black Dragon guffawed like Krakatoa erupting in 1883.

“Really?” Xi directed one of his guards to deliver the 1000-year-old egg to the Wuhan Institute of Virology for old times’ (i.e. December 2019) sake.

“Yes, in the supernatural realm angels who had been guarding the island of Taiwan on the orders of the Archangels Saint Michael and Saint Raphael have now withdrawn from Taiwan on their angelic commanders’ orders,” the Black Dragon cackled like Mount Pinatubo in 1991.

“Why?” Xi asked.

“Because Taiwan just held a huge Pride parade honouring the Alphabet Soup Disciples of Baphomet,” the Black Dragon started brushing his teeth with a Dyson powered vaccum cleaner.

“The Italian Marxist theoretician Antonio Gramsci was certainly right when he theorized that honouring Baal and Baphomet practices and introducing them into a country’s wider culture can easily pave the way for the triumph of Communism everywhere,” Xi got his drag queen rooster to lay another 1000-year-old egg, “We can probably annex Taiwan by summer’s end this year.”

Meanwhile on the White House lawn in Washington DC, Dr. Anthony Fauci wearing a Chicken Little suit (given him as a gift by Xi Jinping) started clucking, “100,000 cases a day are coming. 100,000 cases a day are coming.”

America’s leading self-proclaimed expert on viruses was then struck by a virus that turned him into a garden gnome lawn ornament.

“Where did that stupid looking lawn ornament come from?” Donald Trump asked his British butler and valet Lexington as he gazed out from his Oval Office window.

“No idea, sir,” Lexington shook his head, “It wasn’t there this morning when Andrew Jackson’s statue was chasing Nancy Pelosi across the lawn with a 6 foot giant Cuban cigar in his mouth.”

“Strange,” Trump wondered where Jackson got the Cuban cigar.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 30th
2020.

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70th Anniversary of People’s Republic of China and Mei-ling Manchu Becoming A Vampiress

October 1, 2019 at 10:25 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

70th Anniversary of The People’s Republic of China and Mei-ling Manchu Becoming A Vampiress

0ctober 1st 2019.

Beijing.

The 70th Anniversary of the People’s Republic of China.

It was 70 years ago today that the Communist forces under Mao Tse-tung took control of most of mainland China while Chiang Kai-shek and his Kuomintang Nationalist forces fled to the island of Taiwan.

Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping marked the 70th anniversary by parading China’s latest military hardware through the streets of Beijing.

The latest missiles, warheads, drones and tanks passed by Xi’s viewing stand as he and his supernatural entity advisor the Black Dragon applauded vigorously.

In Taiwan rather ominously, a bridge collapsed in a major harbour trapping a fishing boat and overturning an oil tanker.

Hong Kong celebrated the 70th Anniversary of Communist rule in China by Hong Kong police shooting its first protestor with a live round ammunition bullet.

. . .

The 70th Anniversary of the Chinese Communist takeover was the last thing on Pope Francis’ mind at the Vatican as he sat at his desk and began the final preparations for this month’s Pan-Amazonia synod.

Last year he had sold out the members of China’s underground Catholic Church by entering into a treaty with the Beijing government that had been negotiated on the Vatican’s behalf by the predatory homosexual prelate the then Cardinal Theodore McCarrick.

Back in February of this year, Pope Francis had been forced to laicize Theodore McCarrick after he had been caught and exposed for his numerous crimes and misdemeanours.

A knock was heard on the door of Francis’ room.

It was the Zeus worshipping cardinal known as JM (which was the cardinal’s code name as head of the Vatican Secret Intelligence Service) inviting Pope Francis to receive a blessing from Amazon indigenous sha-men and sha-women who were assembled in the papal chapel.

. . .

Melania Trump was startled when she saw the ghostly figure of Abraham Lincoln standing before her in the corridor.

Tears were falling down Lincoln’s cheeks.

Meanwhile in the Oval Office, Melania’s husband Donald was busy tweeting about how civil war would break out in the U.S. should he the Donald be impeached.

. . .

This date of October 1st 2019 also marked 70 years since Mei-ling Manchu (who was a leading operative for the Chinese Ministry of State Security aka MSS) had become a vampiress.

Mei-ling (who had sided with Mao’s Communists against Chiang’s Nationalists during the Chinese Civil War of 1945-49) had marked the victory of the Chinese Communist forces on October 1st 1949 by allowing herself to be bitten by a vampire and turned into a vampiress as she stood on the balcony of Beijing’s Old Imperial Palace with victory celebration fireworks going off in the background.

Mei-ling Manchu: celebrating 70 years as a vampiress today.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 1st 
2019.

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Renfield R. Renfield, The Third Secret of Fatima, The Eye of Horus Over Hong Kong, Maria Orsic and The Vril Society

September 11, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield, The Third Secret of Fatima, The Eye of Horus Over Hong Kong, Maria Orsic and The Vril Society

“So what is the message in the Third Secret of Fatima?” Amadeus Emanon asked his friend Renfield R. Renfield who had discovered the text of the Third Secret last year- a message that the Vatican claimed to have released back in 2000 but of course they hadn’t.

Renfield drew out the text of the Third Secret and read it,

In Portugal the dogma of the Faith will always be preserved. If people do not repent and better themselves, God the Father will allow a terrible punishment to be inflicted on all humanity. A great war launched in the 21st Century by Satan’s partisans in the East will come. Those surviving will envy the dead. Death will briefly reign, raised to triumph by the brothers of death who seek to be masters of the whole earth. All the world will be thrown into great confusion. Fire and smoke will fall from heaven and waters from the ocean will turn to steam throwing their foam to the sky. Millions of people will die by the minute. The only arms of protection which will remain for you will be the Rosary and the Sign left by my Son.
Each day recite the prayers of the Rosary. A time of very severe trial is coming for the Church. Satan will reign over the highest places and succeed in infiltrating to the very top of the Church. One third of the clergy will serve Satan. Entire nations will lose the Faith and many people on earth will be condemned to Hell. Cardinals will oppose cardinals and bishops will oppose bishops. Many rotten changes in Rome will be retained and the Church will become obscured. At last those who survive these events will repent and become true followers of Jesus Christ as before when the world was not so corrupted. In the end, my Immaculate Heart will triumph, Russia will be truly converted and a period of peace will be granted to the world.”

“And that was the message said to have been given by Mary the Mother of Jesus to three shepherd children at Fatima, Portugal back in 1917?” Amadeus asked.

“That’s right,” Renfield nodded.

“And that message was supposed to have been released by the person who was Pope in the Year 1960?” Amadeus inquired.

“Yes, but John XXIII the man who was Pope in 1960 thought that by calling an ecumenical council he called Vatican II instead, this could save the world from nuclear catastrophe,” Renfield noted, “He thought he knew better on the subject than Mary the Mother of Jesus.”

“And so what was the end result of Vatican II?” Amadeus wanted to know.

“The end result is that Satanists are now in control of the Catholic Church in the year 2019,” Renfield replied.

“The first to fall under the control of Satan were the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops back in the late 1960s and early 1970s,” Renfield explained, “which is why so many U.S. Democratic Party politicians who consider themselves Catholic publicly enact the policies of the demonic entities Baal and Baphomet yet are still considered Catholics in good standing by their diocesan bishops. The Latin American bishops fell under the sway of Satan back in the 1970s and 1980s through the influence of Satanic Marxist Liberation Theology lovingly bestowed on the world by members of the Jesuit order. Then the German Catholic Bishops’ Conference fell under the sway of Satan- most of them back in the 1980s by embracing the ideologies of the demons Baal and Baphomet. And throughout this whole time, Pope John Paul II was so busy fighting satanic ideologies (i.e. Soviet Communism) outside the Church that he failed to notice the satanic ideologies rising inside the Church. By the time Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger was elected Pope Benedict XVI in 2005, he was fully aware of all the satanic filth inside the Church. He put up a valiant fight for 6 and a half years but then his health started to fade and he resigned the Papacy in February 2013. The Satanists finally managed to succeed in putting one of their own Jorge Mario Bergoglio as Pope Francis in March 2013.”

“I notice Pope Francis on his way back from Africa today said that a schism in the Church is now probably inevitable,” Amadeus helped himself to a watercress and cream cheese sandwich.

“Yes, those Catholics who are still Catholic will probably leave the Church after satanism is finally publicly brought in during the Pan-Amazon synod at the Vatican next month,” Renfield likewise picked up a watercress and cream cheese sandwich.

. . .

Worshippers of the supernatural entity known as the Black Dragon (who served as personal advisor to China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping) in the Hong Kong Police Force managed to get the Hong Kong courts to approve a warrant seizing the medical records of a woman whose eye was injured in clashes back on August 11th.

The woman was injured in the right eye after Black Dragon worshipping Hong Kong Policemen fired rubber bullets and tear gas in a small enclave at a transit station.

The Black Dragon’s representative Senior Superintendent Steve Li said that the Hong Kong Police Force did not have to explain their actions.

The battle between Cthulhu the High Priest of the Great Old Ones and the entity known as the Black Dragon for control of Hong Kong was about to get more intense.

. . .

“Did you know that the immortal known as Maria Orsic who was the founder of the Vril Society in Germany was a practicing witch?” Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol said over the phone to his friend the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

“I’m starting to suspect that is the case,” Van Helsing answered as he looked at her as she was looking at him.

“Dracul, where are you?” Whitstable asked.

“Gotta go,” Van Helsing ended the call on his smart phone.

An exchange of Vril energy then took place shortly after.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Wednesday September 11th
2019.

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The Last Hours of Strawberry Fields Forever

September 5, 2019 at 11:04 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Last Hours of Strawberry Fields Forever

“Performing live human sacrifices to Moloch is the way we can stop climate change from giving hot flashes to Earth Mother Goddess Gaia.”

-Bernie Sanders, senile socialist Democratic Party candidate for President of the U.S.

CNN’s Anderson Cooper: At a campaign stop today, Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders was hit in the face with a cream pie thrown at him by an invisible entity.
Although according to Harvey Wallbanger drinking secret service agents assigned to guard Sanders (who’s no relation to the beloved Kentucky colonel who invented KFC), it was a 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who threw the cream pie.

. . .

Meanwhile up in Canada, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was quite impressed with a British House of Lords friend of Renfield R. Renfield singing a song in the House of Lords about British Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn miraculously growing a pair of testicles.

Trudeau thought it might be cool if he miraculously grew a pair of testicles as well.

So Justin imagined what it would be like if he had a pair of testicles.

Picturing himself with a sudden shot of testosterone, Justin gave a blistering speech attacking China for holding two Canadians Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor hostage in return for the release of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou from Canada.

Said Trudeau who imagined himself as a Québécois John Wayne riding tall in the saddle, “Beijing is using pressure tactics. China is using arbitrary detention as a tool to achieve political goals.”

Of course Justin never mentioned that his personal pet pot smoking cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever was also being held hostage by Chinese authorities in return for the release of Meng Wanzhou.

“This is unacceptable to Canada,” Justin preached to the editorial board of the Toronto Star newspaper.

Of course Justin’s new found Sylvester Stallone style Rambo act went over like a lead balloon with China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping and his supernatural entity advisor the Black Dragon.

With the music of Led Zeppelin’s Stairway To Heaven playing in the background, the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu entered the prison cell of Strawberry Fields Forever where he was being held in a re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in the Xinjiang region of northwest China.

She had a pair of pliers and pair of scissors with her.

As the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (the granddaughter of Vietnamese President Ho Chi Minh) filmed the whole thing, Mei-ling Manchu ripped and peeled the little desert cactus plant to pieces as it uttered blood curdling screams.

Ho uploaded the video to Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Instagram.

The pieces were then put in a box and sent via Amazon parcel delivery to Justin’s home in Ottawa.

The Chinese authorities wisely did not use Canada Post as it would probably take another 70 years before the package reached its destination.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday September 5th
2019.


Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu having a refreshing cocktail after having dismembered Strawberry Fields Forever the pet pot smoking cactus plant of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

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Boris Johnson, The Black Dragon and Thessalonike of Macedon

July 23, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson, The Black Dragon and Thessalonike of Macedon

Today Boris Johnson was elected leader of the British Conservative Party.

In a ballot of Conservative Party members, he defeated his rival British Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt.

Boris Johnson received 92,153 votes to his rival’s 46, 656.

Boris Johnson was Mayor of London from 2008 to 2016.

He once won a magazine limerick contest for writing the best limerick making fun of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

He’d have probably lost the limerick contest to MP Renfield R. Renfield but Renfield had submitted his limerick a couple of hours after the deadline because he spent the night drinking T-Rex shooters in a bar (the t-Rex shooter contains a lethal and deadly combination of different liquors. Renfield is the only known mortal in history to have drunk more than one T-Rex shooter and lived. Every other person was now as dead as the variety of dinosaur it was named after) so the limerick was disqualified with much regret by the contest judges.

Mr. Johnson will also now become Britain’s first Roman Catholic Prime Minister.

Although Mr. Johnson is not a practicing Catholic.

Only a baptized Catholic.

Shacking up with a woman he was not married to wouldn’t be in accord with current Catholic teaching.

Although that might change (along with several other things) if the German Conference of Catholic Bishops have their way at the upcoming papal Synod On The Amazon this October.

Tomorrow the current UK Prime Minister Theresa May will take part in her last Prime Minister’s Question Period in the House of Commons.

After lunch, she will make a short farewell speech outside 10 Downing Street.

She will then travel to see Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace to tender her resignation as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

Boris Johnson will then arrive at Buckingham Palace for an audience with the Queen where he will be invited to form a government.

Afterwards he will then be driven to 10 Downing Street where he will make a brief speech before entering the building for the first time as Prime Minister.

After Boris Johnson delivered his victory speech to Conservative Party supporters tonight, he left the Queen Elizabeth II Centre in London with 3 things on his mind.

Would he be able to get the British oil tanker Stena Impero released without going to war against Iran?

Would he be able to negotiate a Brexit deal with the European Union before the October 31st Halloween deadline or will it turn out to be a no deal Brexit?

Should he name British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield to the cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering?

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was reviewing information that was sent to him by an Interpol operative in Hong Kong.

The first set of videos and photos that Whitstable viewed showed a man 7 foot 6 whose name was Wang (and who could best be described as a tall thin unsmiling version of the short chubby jovial Chinese Smiling Buddha whose statue is often seen in Chinese restaurants around the world) addressing a group of pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong a couple of weeks ago and telling them to become more violent and to attack a police station during their protests.

The next set of photos and videos that Whitstable viewed showed a group of white shirt wearing Triad members being addressed by a sinister looking Black Dragon this past weekend and being told to attack pro-democracy protestors with batons and clubs in the Hong Kong subway station this past weekend.

Wondering who this sinister looking Black Dragon was, he sent copies of the photos and videos of the mysterious Black Dragon to a professor of East Asian Folklore and Occultism at Oxford University.

The professor responded that the Black Dragon was a supernatural entity known to appear at various times in Chinese history when the governing leader or ruler of China was a diabolically evil person.
The professor noted that the Black Dragon was able to shapeshift into human form.

The professor text messaged Whitstable a sketch of the Black Dragon in shapeshifted human form.

The sketch of the Black Dragon in human form perfectly resembled Wang in appearance.

. . .

Boris Johnson was receiving a special intelligence briefing from Theresa May over tea and sandwiches at 10 Downing Street on this night which was Mrs. May’s last evening as Prime Minister.

Mrs. May was giving Boris a briefing on the latest facts regarding the destruction of the British destroyer the H.M.S. Balderdash that sank in the Mediterranean Sea not far from Alexandria Egypt (while it was en route to the Persian Gulf via the Suez Canal) this past Saturday July 20th.

Trump was trying to convince the British government that it was the Iranians who were responsible for the sinking of Balderdash.

However it had recently come to light that an Irish drone had been flying in the vicinity of the Mediterranean Sea near Alexandria at the time.

The drone was operated by an Irish drone operator who had been drinking way too much Guinness while on duty.

As a result the drone had found its way from Ireland’s Galway Bay (where it was supposed to be watching the sun go down) to the said part of the Mediterranean Sea off Egypt.

The drone happened to have a camera on board taking photos with a Huawei P30 Pro operated by a robotic leprechaun that was created bearing the likeness of the notorious boozing Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth.

The photos clearly showed a mermaid turning into a giantess near the ship H.M.S. Balderdash and destroying the destroyer.

Copies of the photos had been sent to a noted mermaidologist who lived in Calgary, Alberta, Canada in hopes of finding out the mermaid’s identity.

The mermaidologist had identified the mermaid turned giantess as Thessalonike of Macedon the immortal half-sister of Alexander the Great.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Tuesday July 23rd
2019.

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From Steak To Matzah Balls To Peking Duck

June 26, 2019 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

From Steak To Matzah Balls To Peking Duck

In various places across the globe on June 26th 2019:

“How does one expect me to enjoy my steak dinner if the newspaper at my place at the dinner table has on it a photo of the bodies of an El Salvadorean migrant and his young daughter who drowned in a river on the U.S.-Mexico border?” Donald Trump called out to his British butler and valet, “Lexington, come and turn this paper over to the other side for me.”

Jared Kushner was eating matzah balls and talking by smart phone to his wife Ivanka Trump.

“I just don’t get these Palestinians,” Jared complained to Ivanka, “Here I am offering them a whole bunch of money in what your dad has wisely dubbed the “deal of the century” and all they seem to care about is a state of their own for some reason.”

China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping was enjoying a plate of Peking Duck and getting advice from his supernatural entity advisor known as the Black Dragon prior to heading to the G-20 Summit in Osaka, Japan.

“What’s with these members of the underground Catholic Church anyways?” Xi Jinping complained to the Black Dragon, “I thought after we signed that agreement with Pope Francis’ Vatican last September by which the Pope recognized the bishops in my Xi Jinping approved official Chinese Patriotic Catholic Church that members of the underground Catholic Church would be breaking down the doors to attend Mass in our official churches where the photo of my smiling face is placed pre-eminently above the figure of Christ on the Crucifix.”

“I don’t understand it, your Supreme Celestialness,” the Black Dragon addressed China’s paramount leader, “Very baffling indeed.”

“What was the name of that splendid Cardinal who negotiated the basis of what became the ecumenical deal of the century in my favour?” Xi asked, “And what’s become of him?”.

“His name was Theodore McCarrick,” the Black Dragon replied, “and back on February 13th of this year, he was laicized.”

“Why was such a splendid chap and churchman laicized?” Xi asked over his Peking Duck and wondered why it wasn’t pronounced Beijing?

“It turns out that he was a homosexual predatory priest who molested and raped altar boys and young seminarians for decades,” the Black Dragon replied, “Something that most of his fellow U.S. bishops and even Pope Francis knew about it. However when court prosecutors and state attorneys-general in the U.S. found out about it back on June 20th 2018, that’s when the shit hit the Vatican fan. After Pope Francis immediately replaced the fan, he decided to call an emergency summit of bishops for this past February to deal with the issue of clerical sex abuse.”

“So as a result of all that, McCarrick was laicized?” Xi was incredulous.

“And just a few days ago, it’s been discovered that McCarrick was also a Crowleyite Thelema practicing satanist along with Joseph Cardinal Bernardin the late Cardinal Archbishop of Chicago. Bernardin, like McCarrick, was also a homosexual predatory priest who molested and raped altar boys and young seminarians. Though Bernardin did rape an 8-year-old girl in a satanic ceremony in Charleston South Carolina when he was a young priest back in 1957. The details of which also became publicly revealed the last few days.”

“So you mean to say the members of the underground Catholic Church in China don’t like a Beijing-Vatican deal negotiated on their behalf by a molesting and rape practicing predatory priest who was also a practicing satanist?” Xi wanted to know.

“Apparently not, your Supreme Celestialness,” the Black Dragon answered.

“People never cease to amaze,” Xi bit into his fortune cookie when he suddenly remembered that was a San Francisco Chinese thing to do and not really a Beijing Chinese thing.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 26th
2019.

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The Maltese Falcon At Mar-A-Lago: A Poem

April 3, 2019 at 10:46 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Poetry, Romance, Spy Tales, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Narrator of poem:

“How are ya, sweetheart?
I’m the ghost of Humphrey Bogart
I was recently challenged by my friend the ghost of Orson Welles
to see if I still got tough guy and private eye skills
that I used to have in my movies.

So I took him up on his challenge and headed down to Florida
The site of one of my popular films Key Largo
I heard about this swanky place down there called Mar-a-Lago
A private Palm Beach, Florida club owned by a temper tantrum throwing
spoiled brat billionaire named Donald Trump
Imagine my surprise when I heard this bozo
was also the President of the United States
The country has certainly gone down hill
since the days of Harry Truman
I figure.

Anyways a Chinese lady spy named Yujing Zhang
was arrested at the club trying to enter it with a
thumb drive containing malware
I had no idea what a thumb drive is
Thought it might be that a car was driven by your thumb
instead of both hands in this day and age
or maybe some newly designed form of golf club
they came up with that quite literally relies on the rule of thumb
And as for malware, I thought it was some guy named Mel Ware
who just might be the uncle of Token Ware
a female character in a Raymond Chandler Philip Marlowe story

I was set straight on the new developments in technology
by the ghosts of eccentric Serb-American inventor Nikola Tesla
and some British guy named Alan Turing
who made a name for himself in mathematics

Anyways it turns out this Yujing Zhang wasn’t the only femme fatale
causing intrigue down at Club Mar-a-Lago
Some woman named Li Cindy Yang is also involved
It turns out she owns a massage parlour
where prostitution is said to be going on
on the premises
One of her arrested johns was a Mr. Robert Kraft
the owner of a football team called The New England Patriots
The case is made even more interesting by the fact
that the team’s quarterback Tom Brady
claims he’s able to win football games
through the help of his wife
Gisele Bundchen
who’s a witch.

The whole thing reminds me of a film my friend Veronica Lake
made back in 1942
called I Married A Witch

So you can imagine my surprise when I walked through the door
of Club Mar-a-Lago
and saw the Maltese Falcon on the table
That old bird that appeared in the film by that title
That I starred in back in 1941

Around the table lay the bodies of various secret service agents
who had been completely drained of blood
A beautiful Chinese woman wearing a white evening dress
stood outside the club dining room window
in the middle of the pouring rain

“That most enchanting and intriguing woman is the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu,”
The ghost of Orson Welles arrived in the nick of time
sipping a glass of red wine,
“She’s the daughter of Dr. Fu Manchu the famous scientist
whose exploits were written about in the novels of Sax Rohmer”.

“What’s she doing here?” I asked Welles.
Welles smiled, “She’s hidden a bunch of condoms owned by the Knights of Malta
in that Maltese Falcon.
That way when they’re found by law enforcement authorities
who are already on their way over here
The find will prove to be problematic and embarrassing
for both Donald Trump and Pope Francis
And the Chinese government will have killed two birds with one stone.”

“Well, that explains the pair of sunglass wearing dead pink flamingos I passed by on the lawn on the way in then,” I remarked
“Those are actually lawn ornaments knocked over by drunken country club members,” Welles finished his wine.

I noticed Mei-ling Manchu approach a fire-breathing Black Dragon
and crawl on to its back
“Off to Venezuela,” she said, “There to watch the Donald play his final Trump card before we divide this land between ourselves and the Russians.”
She and the Dragon flew off into the night sky

I walked outside to watch the Dragon and the vampiress depart
I looked down at the two pink flamingos and remarked to Welles,
“Well, I suppose the problems of two flamingos don’t amount to a hill of beans in this world.”
Welles lit himself a cigar and remarked, “Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday and soon.”
Some young woman named Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stood outside the club and waved a document called the Green New Deal.

“Bogey on the 18th hole,” the ghost of Arnold Palmer remarked as he walked by with his golf clubs.

I laughed, patted Welles on the shoulder and said,
“You know, Orson, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship”
As we walked off into the misty greens.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 3rd
2019.

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ET Gray Gali-Gula Encounters The Black Dragon

April 2, 2019 at 10:12 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

The ET gray Gali-Gula was sitting on the beach at Vancouver’s English Bay drinking bottles of Molson Canadian beer.

He had found an old fashioned dictionary on the beach (books along with encyclopedias which were no longer used in the age of the Internet).

Gali-Gula was surprised to see that when he looked up the word “Sleazebag” in the dictionary that Canadian Privy Council clerk Michael Wernick’s picture was there.

This depressed Gali-Gula as it reminded him of the SNC-Lavalin scandal in which his good buddy Justin Trudeau was involved.

A scandal which probably wouldn’t have happened if his good buddy Justin still had access to his pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever and was able to inhale the prickly little creature’s exhaled pot smoke.

For Justin was only able to see Gali-Gula (an ET gray from the planet Nibiru who was possessed by the ghost of the late earthling ancient Roman Emperor Caligula) when he inhaled pot smoke.

But thanks to Canada stupidly arresting Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou on behalf of the U.S. government last December 1st, Chinese government operatives had in retaliation kidnapped Justin’s pot smoking cactus plant.

For a while, the prickly little fellow had been held captive in Calypso’s Bosom a Brigadoon style mystical village hippy commune on the Sechelt Peninsula which only emerged from its pot smoking mystical haze once every 7 years to appear to mortal eyes.

Seeing as how the cactus seemed to be enjoying his environment a little too much, it was moved to a Chinese Government Re-Education camp for transgendered Uighurs in the Xinjiang region of China where cannabis and pot smoking was definitely not allowed.

Seeing as how Justin was deprived of his access to pot smoke through the cactusnapping and captivity of Strawberry Fields Forever, he was unable to see and hear Gali-Gula for advice.

Now whenever Justin set out to make an ass of himself which was quite often, Gali-Gula would advise him not to do it.

When Justin listened to Gali-Gula’s advice, he didn’t make an ass of himself.

When he refused to heed Gali-Gula’s advice, he always made an ass out of himself.

But when Strawberry Fields Forever was kidnapped, Gali-Gula was invisible to Canada’s Prime Minister and was unable to warn Justin Trudeau not to pressure his Attorney-General and Justice Minister Jody Wilson-Raybould into intervening to protect the Quebec based construction firm SNC-Lavalin from criminal prosecution.

As such, Justin now found himself embroiled in the biggest political scandal his government had ever faced.

His poll numbers were dropping faster than flies at a Bill Clinton and White House Intern Reunion Convention.

And earlier this evening, both Jody Wilson-Raybould and her friend former Treasury Board President Jane Philpott had been booted off the deck of the Titanic that is the Canadian Federal Liberal Party caucus.

The iceberg of this fall’s Federal election loomed ahead.

And all because a bunch of West Coast potheads in the Vancouver Crown Prosecutor’s office, Canada Customs and the RCMP decided to follow U.S. government orders and arrest Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.

Speaking of West Coast potheads, almost everyone on the beach at Vancouver’s English Bay could see him.

They waved and asked for autographs.

A Black Dragon suddenly emerged from the waters of English Bay and approached the ET gray.

Most of the potheads could not see him.

“That’s because I have the ability to cloud their minds with rational thought- something their minds cannot handle,” the Black Dragon answered Gali-Gula because he could read his mind, “most U.S. politicians of all political stripes are unable to see me for the same reason.”

“Who are you?” Gali-Gula asked.

“I am the Black Dragon,” the Black Dragon bowed, “Supernatural entity advisor to China’s paramount leader.”

“I’m Gali-Gula, former ET gray advisor to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,” the little extraterrestrial looked sad.

“I know,” the Black Dragon smiled, “I advised Xi Jinping to abduct Strawberry Fields Forever.”

“You!” Gali-Gula looked angry.

“Don’t worry,” the Black Dragon breathed fire reassuringly, “he’s being held in a pot free zone- a government re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in Xinjiang.”

At that moment a news story about transgenders broke on a nearby pothead’s radio.

The B.C. Human Rights Commission had recently fined somebody for saying that a transgendered political candidate had been born a biological male.

In response to the huge fine, genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee had flown in from Alberta and had beheaded all the members of the B.C. Human Rights Commission.

He then put all the severed heads under the bedsheets in a bed owned by a transgendered Hollywood producer in Los Angeles along with an old autographed photo of Marlon Brando as the Godfather and an old autographed photo of 1960s TV star Mr. Ed The Talking Horse.

The producer screamed when he woke up in bed this morning and found all the items, the radio announcer noted.

“So you’ve come to gloat about holding Strawberry Fields Forever hostage?” Gali-Gula turned his attention back to the supernatural visitor from China.

“Yes,” the Black Dragon roasted some hot dogs for a bunch of potheads who were undergoing the munchies, “I’m actually on my way to Venezuela to give a King Henry V style Saint Crispin’s Day speech to 120 Chinese soldiers there who have joined 100 Russian soldiers there. Buenos Nochos.”

Gali-Gula whose Spanish wasn’t as good as the Black Dragon suddenly felt a craving for some good nachos.

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Meng Sues As Justin Slips, Renfield Saved By Lepardia Once Again

March 4, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Last Friday, the Canadian Federal Government announced that it would be going ahead with the extradition case against Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.

Today the Chinese government in Beijing formally charged Canadians Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor with espionage.

“A mere coincidence? Hardly,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield told BBC Radio quoting a statement that the narrator of the early 1970s film Chariots of The Gods often made throughout the course of the movie.

In addition to public moves by the Chinese government, it was also doing some private ones.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s pet marijuana smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever (who had been abducted by Chinese vampiress Mei-ling Manchu the daughter of Dr. Fu Manchu shortly after Meng Wanzhou’s arrest) had been moved from the mystical pot smoking hippy commune of Calypso’s Bosom on British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula to a Uighur re-education camp for Uighur transgender transsexuals in China’s Xinjiang region where pot smoking was strictly prohibited.

There videos of Strawberry Fields Forever undergoing pot withdrawal symptoms while being surrounded by Uighur equivalents of Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner would be emailed and/or text messaged to Justin on his private server every day.

“A most sublime form of torture,” a smiling supernatural entity known as the Black Dragon told a smiling Chinese Communist paramount leader Xi Jinping over a pot of green tea.

In addition, various Canadians were now disappearing off the streets of Chinese cities.

The Canadian beaver would definitely not be winning any pissing contests with the Chinese dragon.

In addition, Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou had now launched a civil lawsuit against the Canadian Border Services Agency, the RCMP and the Canadian Attorney-General’s Department for violating her constitutional rights on failures of government officials to comply with the rule of law upon her detention, search and interrogation at the Vancouver International Airport on December 1st 2018.

“What probably happened,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield explained to CNN’s Anderson Cooper on the subject, “from my Canadian friends in the know is the sheer egotism and Luciferian self-deification of those who work in the Canadian Border Services Agency. Many males who work for the CBSA are impotent bedwetters with small penises and many females who work for the CBSA are lesbian blowhards who wish they had penises. These serious inflictions cause these people to become Hellhounds and Hellhags when it comes to dealing with members of the general public.”

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was watching the CNN interview between Renfield and Cooper when he received his first video from the Uighur re-education camp in Xinjiang as a text message.

The video showed a Uighur transgender accidentally sitting on the desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever and then standing up singing those old Culture Club Boy George lyrics of the early 1980s, “Do you really want to hurt me…?”.

“Poor Strawberry Fields Forever,” Justin wept, “He can’t stand listening to any songs or music past 1969.”

The Black Dragon then arrived on the scene singing,

“… we haven’t had that spirit here since 1969…
… we are all just prisoners here of our own device…
… You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave.”

Some burnt Eagle feathers fell down on top of the desert cactus plant.

. . .

In addition to foreign troubles with China, Justin was also having domestic troubles at home in Canada.

Canadian Treasury Board President Jane Philpott had just resigned from the Trudeau cabinet earlier today Monday March 4th 2019 as her reaction to the SNC-Lavalin scandal in which members of the Prime Minister’s Office had tried to pressure then Canadian Justice Minister and Attorney-General Jody Wilson-Raybould into dropping a criminal prosecution case against the Quebec-based construction company SNC-Lavalin.

Trudeau had just re-shuffled his cabinet last Friday in reaction to Jody Wilson-Raybould resigning as Veterans’ Affairs Minister back on February 12th and now he would have to undertake another cabinet shuffle.

Trudeau fell asleep and had a dream that he was tap dancer Fred Astaire with both Ginger Rogers and Rita Hayworth leaving the stage without him.

Justin then did a solitary tap dance as he sang, “I’m doing the cabinet shuffle. Oh yeah, I’m doing the cabinet shuffle” as he shuffled his feet.

Justin then slipped on a banana peel and fell off stage while doing the shuffle.

He was immediately eaten by a Black Dragon who already had in his stomach a desert cactus plant undergoing marijuana smokers’ withdrawal.

. . .

A gay Argentinian Jesuit priest stood outside the British House of Commons holding Punch and Judy puppets with toy chainsaws in both their puppet hands.

The Jesuit was going to use the two respective puppets and the four respective toy chainsaws to assassinate British MP Renfield R. Renfield as he exited the Commons.

The priest had been ordered by one of his superiors in the Vatican to assassinate the British Transhumanist MP.

As the priest stood there, a leopard suddenly lunged at him.

The leopard ripped him to shreds.

Like most contemporary Jesuit priests, the now ripped to pieces assassin was a modernist liberal progressive Marxist who didn’t really believe in the existence of the Supernatural.

Had he done so, he might have paid heed to the warning of Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol that there was a were-leopard (a person able to shapeshift into the form of a leopard) that had been haunting the streets of London the past few years.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield left the Commons where he had spent the day in his parliamentary office being interviewed by news networks from around the world.

As such his spirit advisors the ghosts of Orson Welles and Winston Churchill had taken the day off visiting the Tate Gallery.

Renfield looked around for his date for this evening Lepardia Marango who was the Cultural Attache at the South African Embassy in London.

Then he saw her:

She looked resplendent.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 4th
2019

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Special Firing Line Episode On PBS: Ghost of William F. Buckley Jr. Interviews British MP Renfield R. Renfield

February 9, 2019 at 11:48 pm (Commentary, Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Politics, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Due to the cosmic intertwining of the CERN Large Hadron Collidor in Switzerland and Dracul Van Helsing’s time travelling Houdini-Tesla-Pantages prototype Magic Lantern in a West Hollywood repertory movie theatre, this year’s supernaturally produced episode of PBS’ Firing Line featuring the ghost of William F. Buckley Jr. interviewing British MP Renfield R. Renfield was able to be watched by actor Jimmy Stewart and actress Lana Turner on the set of the film Ziegfeld Girl in 1941.

Due to Hades the Greek god of the Underworld wanting to see it happen and His Conceited Humbleness Pope Francis not wanting to see it happen, Hades ordered the temporary dispensational release of the ghost of the conservative commentator William F. Buckley Jr. from Purgatory to interview British MP Renfield R. Renfield on a special episode of the PBS public affairs show Firing Line on television.

Studio floor director for the show would be the ghost of Orson Welles.

The studio audience would be made up of the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill surrounded by the ghosts of the greatest of the female Ziegfeld Follies girls of the 1920s and ’30s.

As the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill sat in the audience with a big cigar, an ample bottle of brandy and one huge smile on his face, the show began.

“So, tell me, Mr. Renfield,” Buckley’s ghost sat there with a huge spectral copy of The Complete and Unabridged Oxford Dictionary on his lap giving him a spectral hernia, “if you could sum up what’s wrong with the state of America today in just one sentence, what would you say?”.

“Well,” Renfield poured himself a 20 ounce glass of Jack Daniel’s, “if you keep in mind that the terms I use in my statement are the terms exactly as defined by the Greek philosopher Plato in his work The Republic, America’s biggest problem is that its left wing oligarchy suffers from the massive delusion that it is a genuine aristocracy while its rightist tyrant suffers from the massive delusion that he is a genuine monarch.”

“I say,” Buckley was impressed, “That’s quite good actually.”

“Thank you,” Renfield grinned.

In the studio audience, Churchill’s ghost applauded as a lovely and very curvy Ziegfeld girl massaged his cigar.

In the TV audience at home watching, Bill Clinton seethed with jealousy as he saw Churchill’s cigar being massaged.

As for Hillary, she seethed with indignation at Renfield’s comment about the left wing oligarchy since it hit a little too close to home for her liking.

“And what of Russia?” Buckley asked as he sipped from a cup of tea with a picture of the late Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev on it bearing the tattoed inscription LOSER on his forehead.

“Well,” Renfield ignored the Russian bear (possessed by the ghost of Rasputin) operating Camera #2 trying to hypnotize him with his magnetic looking eyes, “Russia’s problem is Vladimir Putin who’s trying to create a country that’s a synthesis of old Czarist Imperial Russia and the Stalinist Soviet Union. Such a synthesis is ultimately bound to fail.”

“And what then should Putin do?” Buckley asked as he picked up a copy of Nikolay Chernyshevsky’s 1863 novel What Is To Be Done?.

“Drop the Stalinist model and concentrate all efforts on Czarist Imperial Russia returning,” Renfield remarked as he drank from a very rare 1894 bottle of Russian vodka.

“Hear! Hear!” Churchill’s ghost ejaculated as his right leg was being massaged by a beautiful and very lovely White Russian exile girl Ziegfeld dancer.

“And what about China?” Buckley asked as he ate from a Lydo Chinese Food Styrofoam carton that had a picture of Richard M. Nixon and Chairman Mao Tse-tung eating 1000-year-old eggs and washing them down with bucketloads of French champagne on the carton cover.

“Well,” Renfield gazed at the lovely Asian dragon emblazoned slit skirted dress wearing vampiresses the Chinese Communist vampiress Mei-ling Manchu (daughter of the late Dr. Fu Manchu so maligned by Sax Rohmer) and the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (granddaughter of the late Vietnamese President Ho Chi Minh) who were espionage operatives for the Beijing government and were standing at the back of the studio, “China is the world’s true superpower while America is the Wizard of Oz full of hot air and sitting behind a curtain and trying to shadow box with others by using faded silhouettes of its former glory.”

“My country reduced to the light and shadow contrasts of dark alleys and dying street lamps of the set of an old Film Noir movie,” the ghost of Orson Welles made a cameo appearance statement to the camera.

“On another matter,” Buckley smiled with the beatific smile of a smiling Buddha as the Shall We Dance? theme from the movie The King and I played in the background, “why have your former boss the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set and his Persian carpet warehouse business partner the Persian goddess Anahita decided to try and make Thai Princess Ubolratana Rajakanya the next Prime Minister of Thailand?”.

Renfield looked like he had been hit by a sledgehammer (which he would have been by both Mei-ling Manchu and Ho Babylon Minh on orders of the entity known as the Black Dragon if he hadn’t answered the question about China in the correct way).

“What?” Renfield looked totally shocked.

“Well,” Renfield regained his composure, “it’s like the man said to the mousetrap when it caught ahold of his testicles, You’ve really got me there.”

-A vampire novel
written by Christopher
Saturday February 9th
2019.


Thai Princess Ubolratana Rajakanya: The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set and the Persian goddess Anahita want her to become the next Prime Minister of Thailand.


Homage is being paid to Thai Princess Ubolratana Rajakanya by Watson Holmes the Executive Vice-President of Set Enterprises


Thai Princess Ubolratana Rajakanya: Renfield R. Renfield was unable to answer the $64 million dollar question about her connection to Set and Anahita posed by the ghost of William F. Buckley Jr. on the PBS public affairs program Firing Line.


The Persian goddess Anahita: What does she have planned for Thailand?
Only the vampire Set and her hairdresser know for sure.

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