Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka Meets Yaldabaoth The Irish Leprechaun

January 2, 2021 at 11:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )


The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka In Dublin

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka had taken one of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis powered dirigible airships -this one called the High Calypso- from London England to Dublin Ireland.

They were going to meet Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.

What brought the meeting about was that Dracul had heard from Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol that the plans of the Egyptian god Osiris, his son Horus, George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab for a One World government were locked inside the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo.

They could break into the Bank of Monte Carlo vault but to do that they’d need the advice of two people Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones who played two master thieves in the 1999 movie Entrapment where they stole $8 billion dollars from the International Clearance Bank in the North Tower of the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Sadly however actor Sean Connery had passed away last year and not so sadly actress Catherine Zeta-Jones was very busy keeping actor Michael Douglas very happy indeed.

However after consulting a crystal ball (which was actually a snow globe showing Lucy meeting the faun Mr. Tumnus carrying an umbrella and wrapped Christmas presents in the snowy woods of the land of Narnia), Whitstable had a vision that Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun knew the combination to the vault of the Bank of Monte Carlo.

After phoning Yaldabaoth, Whitstable discovered that was indeed the case.

So now, Dracul Van Helsing and the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka were at their rendezvous location in Dublin where they would be presented by Yaldabaoth with the combination to the Bank of Monte Carlo vault.

The combination number would be inside a fortune cookie slip inside a Chinese fortune cookie that Yaldabaoth would give to them along with a take out order of Guinness soaked sweet and sour spareribs.


The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka: Wearing a killer outfit.

When Yaldabaoth saw Tanaka, the first thing he said was, “Wow. That’s really a killer outfit you’re wearing.”

He then keeled over and fell to the ground sending both the fortune cookie and the take out order of Guinness soaked sweet and sour spareribs flying.

Dracul immediately rushed over and felt Yaldabaoth’s pulse.

He then looked up at Tanaka, “Wow. That really must be a killer outfit you’re wearing. He’s dead.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 2nd
2021.

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Tanaka and Dracul On New Year’s Day 2021

January 1, 2021 at 11:50 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )


The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka was waiting for Dracul Van Helsing outside the British Museum in London

“Do you realize you and I seem to be the only people in London who are not wearing masks?” Tanaka mentioned as Dracul approached.

“Which for us is probably a good thing,” Dracul pointed out, “For a maskless Renfield R. Renfield is also out walking the streets of London today. Having had too many martinis last night, he’s walking around carrying a taser and tasering anybody who’s wearing a mask calling them “losers” and “disciples of the New World Order”. At least we won’t be tasered.”

“So why did you want to meet me outside the British Museum?” Tanaka asked.

“Because according to a text message I received last night from Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol, Karl Marx’s ghost was seen by museum security guards last night. Since I have no desire to meet Karl Marx’s ghost (unlike most U.S. Democratic Party politicians and 99.9% of those who work at the Vatican), I decided to choose the daytime to meet outside the British Museum,” Dracul explained.

“You’re a strange one, Dracul,” Tanaka smiled, “But in the good sense of that word.”

“You know speaking of strange,” Dracul said, “I just found out that a good friend of mine when she was a girl started out the day reading Jane Austen’s Persuasion and then met the next door neighbour boy whom she had never officially met before and then ended up stealing the boy’s aunt’s panties with the boy and placed it in various places which she compared to a dragon discovering that people could be set on fire when he breathed on them and that somehow the dragon found that deliciously humourous. And so did she on what she had done that day.”

“Yes, you do seem to have a habit of attracting the strange ones and vice-versa,” Tanaka noted.

“I seem to drive the character of Mole crazy in my Wind In The Willows dreams,” Dracul recalled, “although what Toad of Toad Hall thinks of me, he doesn’t say. He’s too busy driving the latest motorcycle or motorcar or motorboat.”

“Dracul, shut up,” Tanaka finally said exasperated.

“Okay,” Dracul fell silent.

“What did you want to see me about?” Tanaka asked.

“Did you know that, prior to Pope Gregory XIII introducing his Gregorian Calendar to replace the old Julian calendar in 1582, that New Year’s Day used to be celebrated on April 1st and not January 1st?” Dracul inquired.

“I did not know that,” Tanaka answered.

“It was on the night of October 4th 1582 that Gregory introduced the Gregorian calendar and the next morning on what would have been October 5th on the old Julian calendar, the calendar jumped ahead 10 days to October 15th. The change was immediately adopted by the people of Spain and its colonies, the people of Portugal and its colonies, the united Commonwealth of Poland and Lithuania and almost all of Italy. The Holy Roman Empire shortly followed. The Protestant states of Europe with their horror of anything that smacked of Popery adopted the calendar more slowly. Prussia finally accepted it in 1610. Britain itself along with its colonies only adopted the Gregorian Calendar in 1750. Thus England was ridiculed by other states as “Fools” for not adopting the calendar and the New Year’s Day of April 1st was referred to as April Fool’s Day. Hence our origin of the term April Fool’s Day.”

“That’s all very interesting, Dracul,” Tanaka nodded, “And this is what you were so anxious to tell me?”.

“I only found all that out this morning,” Dracul explained, “But what really hit me was the date in 1582 that these “new times” came into effect – October 4th,” Dracul went on, “This explains why Pope Francis chose October 4th (in this case October 4th 2019) as the date he brought the Pachamama idol into the Vatican. It’s all tied in with the Great Reset of the global occultist Freemasons and their bastard children the Nazi/Fascists and the Communists. They’re seeking to change times and laws (Daniel 7:25) and tying it in with the Abomination of Desolation (Daniel 9:27).”

“You know, Dracul,” Tanaka smiled, “You strike me as being more like Fox Mulder than even Peter Whitstable is.”

“And will you be my Dana Scully?” Dracul asked.

“What are the benefits to being your Dana Scully?” Tanaka asked.

Dracul showed her.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 1st
2021.

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Kraken’s Croissant Cravings

December 18, 2020 at 11:26 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

“French President Emmanuel Macron has tested positive for Covid-19.
Coincidentally enough a number of cougars at the Paris Zoo have also tested positive for Covid-19.”
-British MP Renfield R. Renfield reading a news story on radio.

As the Fascist Freemasonic French President Emmanuel Macron was busy self-isolating along with quite a number of cougars who were also self-isolating, French Aquarian Age Bonapartist leader The Kraken Napololeon VI was walking the streets of Paris along with his wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon.

The Kraken, who was sipping 8 cups of cognac-laced coffee at the same time, asked his wife, “Where is everybody?”.

“Under lockdown,” Medusa answered as she curled her hair with her wireless electric blow dryer and hair curler.

“Bummer,” the Kraken walked past a couple of gay Jesuit priests who suddenly found themselves frozen to a park bench captured in the activity they were engaging in, “I wonder if there’s any place that’s open. I’ve got a craving for hot buttered croissants.”

As the Kraken craved croissants, Macron missed his cougars in the French Presidential Palace.

And in a Paris hotel room, the Norse valkyrie Kara awaited the arrival of vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 18th
2020.

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Huchuysisa In London

July 28, 2020 at 10:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )


The Inca vampiress Huchuysisa in London

The Inca vampiress Huchuysisa was in London to attend a meeting of vampiresses, vampires and mortals who were opposed to the Marxist-Leninist New World Order being promoted by the People’s Republic of China, the WHO, the UN, Pope Francis’ Vatican and various leading global billionaire elitists.

The London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had rented an elegant cafe in a 5-star London hotel for the meeting.

Huchuysisa was currently waiting in the cafe for the others to show up.

On her way over here, she had run into London private eye Agathor Christie.

Christie had recently been hired by the Kraken Napoleon VI (leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party) to find the person, persons or entities responsible for starting the fire at Nantes Cathedral in France earlier this month.

His investigation came to a close when a Rwandan immigrant who was a volunteer at the Cathedral admitted to starting the fire in a confession to police authorities a few days ago.

Now Agathor Christie was working on a case where he was trying to track down a notorious London plagiarist James Alami.

“Good luck with your efforts,” Huchuysisa smiled at him, “If I run into this plagiarist, I’ll ring his neck.”

Huchuysisa smiled at Dracul Van Helsing as she saw him approach in the cafe.

“How goes the battle, Dracul?” She asked him.

“I feel like David going against Goliath,” Dracul answered.

“David won that battle, didn’t he?” Huchuysisa gave him an encouraging smile.

“He did,” Dracul nodded, “The Jesuit priest Malachi Martin gave the key to this geopolitical struggle in his book The Keys of This Blood. I really should have paid more attention to what Martin wrote about the Italian Communist theoretician Antonio Gramsci. I thought with the collapse of the Soviet Union and the fall of the Berlin Wall that Communism was on the way out. Looking back now, Martin showed how Gramsci had written the blueprint for this resurrection of World Communism. Something that has become apparent in the year 2020 with 2020 vision.”

“Well, put the stones in your slingshot and get ready to aim at the Communist Goliath,” Huchuysisa threw back her hair.

Huchuysisa offered to help Dracul practice his aim.

They were busy kissing and making out on one of the cafe tables when the ghost of Orson Welles entered the room.

“How did I end up as a spectator to Dracul’s love life all the time?” Welles poured himself a spectral glass of spectral red wine.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 28th
2020.

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A Time of Madness

July 25, 2020 at 10:17 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Saint Anthony the Great once said,
“A time is coming when men will go mad,
and when they see someone who is not mad,
they will attack him, saying,
you are mad;
you are not like us.”

A woman not wearing a mask in a grocery store
was set upon and beaten by 5 other women (wearing masks)
because she was not wearing a mask.
Of course if these self-righteous bitches
had bothered to ask
It was because she had an underlying medical condition
and a certificate from her doctor
saying she was unable to wear a mask.

But these are not normal times
“Insanity” and “madness” is the new normal
Christ said, “Fear not those who can kill the body
but those who can kill the soul”
A virus can kill the body
but it is madness that can kill the soul.

And in these times, most people show
they prefer madness.


In The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London,
the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis reminded
Dracul Van Helsing, Dashwood Forrest and Renfield R. Renfield:

“Those whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.”

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 25th
2020.

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Atargatis In Alexandria

June 27, 2020 at 10:28 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

In the courtyard of the Royal Alexandria Hotel
she sat
the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis
on a late June evening in 1939

Although the sands of time
In various hourglasses
kept turning over
This way and that

The Egyptian god Thoth passed by
holding keys of Time
She saw a man named Quentin Talbot
encounter Thessalonike of Macedon
The half-sister of Alexander the Great
a couple of nights ago in the hotel ballroom

Then the scene shifted to a beach at Dunwich in Suffolk
where Thessalonike was about to sacrifice Quentin
to the old Celtic gods
on a June evening in 2020.

Dracul Van Helsing arrived to save Quentin
from being sacrificed
The next thing Atargatis knew
was she saw Van Helsing
making out with her own daughter Semiramis
In the upper bedroom
Of a Dunwich pub and inn.

Seated in an armchair and holding a spectral glass of spectral red wine
And watching the mortal-immortal sexual encounter on the bed
Was the ghost of Orson Welles
Who said,
Being a peep and watching this makes me feel like King Leer
A voyeur of some importance.

The scene vanished again
And she saw Adolf Hitler encountering Josef Stalin
In an Egyptian tomb
that had been transferred to the dungeon of Castle Dracula
in Transylvania

Hitler and Stalin were playing a chess game
For controlling America in the year 2020
The young Chinese Communist revolutionary Mao Tse-tung
dropped by
And told Hitler to use his white knight to crush a black pawn

Der Fuhrer like all racists
thought all Asians looked the same
And mistaking Mao for one of his Japanese allies
followed the future Chairman Mao’s advice

Stalin moved in for the kill
As Mao applauded
General Robert E. Lee’s battle flag of Northern Virginia
went up in flames across a map of the American south
Followed by the Stars and Stripes going up in flames
Across a map of the entire United States of America
Soon to be replaced by the Hammer and Sickle.

Atargatis leaned back on her chaise lounge as the combined scorpion and Phoenix fan above her kept her cool

A shadow fell across her.
She opened her eyes.
“Van Helsing, I presume?”
She said to the man standing alongside the chaise lounge.

Orson Welles’ ghost found himself in the Royal Alexandria Hotel courtyard
“Once again, I’m a witness… I’m a witness…”
He rang the bell alongside his chaise lounge
to summon the hotel porter to bring him a glass of red wine.

-A narrative poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 27th
2020.

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A Banyan Tree Grows On The Moon

March 29, 2020 at 11:10 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

A Banyan Tree Grows On The Moon

Walking the streets of Honolulu in 1946
Was Los Angeles private eye Carson Cody Albion 
He was on vacation 
After having solved the mysterious case of the Blue Velvet Dandelion
back in LA 

He walked through some of the crafts shops in the city 
He noticed one belonging to a man who made ships in a bottle
Carson entered the store and looked around
He noticed one ship in a bottle that attracted his attention

“What ship is this?” Albion asked the craftsman
“The Santa Maria,” the craftsman replied 
“The Santa Maria?” Carson looked at the ship in the bottle, “That was Christopher Columbus’ flagship in 1492 on his journey to the New World wasn’t it?”
“That’s right,” the craftsman nodded.
“I’ll take it,” Albion paid the craftsman 

He walked out of the store and on to the avenue
An elderly Hawaiian woman was at a stand selling coconuts 
The private eye looked at the coconuts but wasn’t hungry at the moment 
So he didn’t buy.

“A Banyan tree grows on the moon,” the coconut woman shouted after him.
“What?” Albion walked back to her.
“A Banyan tree grows on the moon,” she repeated.
“Oh, okay,” Albion figured that the woman had been adding too much rum to her coconut milk 
and decided to continue walking 

“What are you planning to do with that ship in a bottle that’s in your shopping bag?” The woman asked him.
Albion wondered how she knew there was a ship in a bottle in his shopping bag
However he answered, “I don’t know”.

“Here’s a small piece of Kapa cloth,” the woman handed him just that,
“Take this pen and write on it what I have told you, “A Banyan tree grows on the moon”. Then put the Kapa cloth with the message in the bottle alongside the ship and throw it in the ocean where the waves will carry it where it may.”

It was a strange request but Albion felt compelled to comply
That night as the Hawaiian moon shone bright on the shore and sands, he threw the bottle with the ship, Kapa cloth and message into the ocean.

It was a late March night in 2020
The streets of London were deserted because of the countrywide lockdown over the Coronavirus 
but Dracul Van Helsing had a paper signed by Boris Johnson
granting him permission to walk the streets
To rid the city of any evil nocturnal creatures 

As Dracul walked along the banks of the Thames
He noticed a small bottle floating close to the shore
The vampire hunter picked it up
It appeared to be very old 
And it almost had the appearance of having travelled all over the world 
How did it wind up here on the Thames? he wondered.

He looked inside the bottle 
He recognized the ship as being the Santa Maria
He pulled out the small piece of Kapa cloth and noticed the message on it

“A Banyan tree grows on the moon,” Dracul read aloud.

He went back to his London apartment 
Carrying the ship in the bottle and its message with him
He went inside the room he used as an office 
And saw this vision

“Who are you?” Dracul asked.

“I am Mahina the Hawaiian and Polynesian goddess of the moon”

The woman answered.

-A narrative poem 
and vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday March 29th
2020.

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Yaldabaoth, Dracul, Sophia and The Brave New World

March 24, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Yaldabaoth, Dracul, Sophia and The Brave New World

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was discussing with his former employer (and current landlord) the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set the curious political situation unfolding in Canada.

The Justin Trudeau Liberals had introduced into the House of Commons in Ottawa today an $82 billion bailout package to help the Canadian economy cope with the financial and economic fallout from the Covid-19 Coronavirus pandemic.

But included in the bill was emergency Financial Powers legislation that would grant Canadian Finance Minister Bill Morneau (or whoever was named Canada’s Finance Minister) power to raise or lower taxes as well as abolish taxes or establish new taxes until December 2021 without having to seek the approval of Parliament first.

Ignoring Patrick Henry’s statement that “Taxation without representation is tyranny” and George III’s desire to do just that to the American colonies led to the American Revolution.

The leaders of both major Opposition parties in the Canadian House of Commons- Federal Conservative leader Andrew Scheer and Federal New Democratic Party leader Jagmeet Singh while approving of the $82 billion aid package for Canadians did not approve of the Federal Financial powers legislation that would give the Federal Finance Minister carte blanche to rule the Canadian economy by dictatorial fiat.

Therefore they threatened to defeat the bill and being a minority government, the Trudeau Liberals were forced to withdraw it.

However the Trudeau ass kissing sycophants in most of the mainstream Canadian media such as CBC, CTV and Canadian Global News were presenting the news story in such a way as to give Canadian TV news viewers the idea that the Federal Conservatives and the Federal New Democrats were being heartless in wanting to hold up a $82 billion financial aid package that would help ordinary Canadians who were being laid off and losing their income in such extraordinary times.

But the trouble lay with the sneaky and underhanded Canadian Federal Liberals (who had always been sneaky and underhanded ever since the days of Prime Minister William Lyon MacKenzie King – a Canadian Liberal Prime Minister in the 1920s, ’30s and ’40s) who were trying to sneak in dictatorial powers to Canada’s finance minister which were an affront to representative democracy.

But the Canadian media just went along with the dystopian brave new world the Trudeau Liberals were hoping to create.

Today the Canadian government started running ads featuring Dr. Theresa Tam Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer telling Canadians the simple measures they could take to help prevent the spread of the Coronavirus.

Normally Government of Canada ads for the past 40 years always ended with a professional announcer saying “Brought to you by the Government of Canada”.

Today a Calgary based geopolitical analyst friend of Renfield clearly heard Justin Trudeau’s voice at the end of the ad saying, “Brought to you by the Government of Canada.”

So Justin was now becoming the voice of an Orwellian Big Brother in Canadian government advertising.

A Canadian Goebbels doing his own voice narration in the midst of a dystopian apocalyptic disaster film reality TV show.

As Renfield remarked to Set, “This pandemic will finally see totalitarian despots who have been in the closet finally coming out of the closet as the rest of the population are told to stay in their homes.”

. . .

Donald Trump meanwhile was telling a Trump ass kissing sycophant from Fox News that he hoped to see every American business establishment currently closed finally open for business by Easter.

“In other words, an American resurrection,” the Trump ass kissing sycophant from Fox News beamed like a moron in ecstasy on Ecstasy.

“Doesn’t that mean an American Crucifixion will have to happen first?” Thought Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun who was currently residing in a rustic country farm house in the American state of Vermont and watching the interview on television.

. . .

Meanwhile Yaldabaoth’s mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian gnostic goddess of wisdom was standing on a rustic country road in southern Italy.

“Ciao, bella,” Dracul Van Helsing greeted her.

“Dracul,” Sophia was shocked, “Aren’t you ignoring what the WHO has to say about social distancing?”.

“I apologize,” Dracul answered, “That was a spontaneous reaction to when I first saw you just now. If Justin Trudeau finds out about this, he’ll be painting his face to look like mine.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 24th 
2020.

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Inside Magical Mystery Tour

February 23, 2020 at 11:36 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Inside Magical Mystery Tour 

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was inside his greenhouse.

He was staring at the late Victorian/early Edwardian era antique mirror that stood in the place where his pot smoking and cannabis exhaling desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever had once stood.

A mirror that reflected neither Justin’s image nor the area of the greenhouse around him.

For within its glass was the image of a closed rare and used book store at the intersection of a dark alley and desolate London street at night.

“Where’s my pot smoking cactus plant?” Justin asked, “I thought I was getting a pot smoking cactus plant called Magical Mystery Tour?”.

“Enter the mirror, stupid,” a voice from the bookshop inside the mirror spoke.

“Did you just tell me to enter the mirror?” Justin asked.

“Brilliant deduction,” the voice answered.

Justin walked into the mirror and found himself standing at the corner of desolate street and dark alley in London.

The only thing within his sight was the closed used book store.

Mist which smelled a lot like pot smoke filled the dark London street.

He decided to try to open the door of the closed book store that was called Tezcatlipoca’s Antiquarium and Rare Books.

Sure enough the door opened and a bell above the door rang indicating a customer was entering the shop.

The old shop owner who was a skeleton covered in cob webs looked up from the cob web and dust covered book he was reading called The Brothers Grimm Grimoire.

He got up to greet Justin and his skull fell off.

Whereupon the rest of his bones fell apart as well.

A volume called Old Yale University Alumni fell off one of the book shelves and landed on top of the skull and bones.

Justin walked to the back of the bookstore where he saw a pot of coffee brewing.

The pot of coffee was next to an antique mirror (much like the one in Justin’s greenhouse) except this mirror reflected the book shelves round about as well as Justin’s own image.

A bony finger emerged from inside the mirror and pointed at the coffee pot and an old ceramic cup bearing the image of what looked to be an old Aztec deity.

“Take and drink,” a voice inside the mirror commanded.

Justin poured himself a cup of coffee.

He added cream that he poured from a small statue of the Egyptian cow goddess Hathor.

He added sugar from packets of sugar marked Uncle Ernie’s Sugar Free Sugar that had the inscription at the back Aleister Crowley approved.

He used a skull insignia emblazoned spoon to stir the concoction.

He drank.

Justin then looked at the mirror and saw this image:

Countess Draculina in front of a castle on the West Coast of Scotland

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 23rd
2020.

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Shakespeare Said It Best: All’s Well That Ends Well

November 29, 2019 at 11:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Shakespeare Said It Best: All’s Well That Ends Well

“I wonder why Trump spent Thanksgiving in Afghanistan?” Amadeus asked his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“It was apparently decided at a meeting of the U.S. National Security Council this past Wednesday night,” Renfield explained, “They thought it would be safer for Trump to be in Afghanistan than for him to be dropping turkeys from a dirigible on to the heads of innocent passers-by who were visiting the Lincoln Memorial.”

“Why would hurling turkeys from a dirigible be a problem?” Amadeus asked as he ate his turkey sandwich and drank his Ocean Spray Cranberry Cocktail.

“You do know turkeys can’t fly, don’t you?” Renfield with a raised eyebrow asked Amadeus.

“They can’t?” Amadeus stopped eating his turkey sandwich momentarily.

“No,” Renfield snarled.

“Oh,” Amadeus answered with his usual brilliant grasp of the situation that would have sent legendary detective Sherlock Holmes hurling himself in exasperation from the 2nd floor window of 221B Baker Street had Amadeus lived with Holmes rather than Watson.

Renfield’s smart phone went off.

The MP talked and then said, “That’s very good news, Dr. Rocher. Thanks for calling.”

“What was Dr. Cadbury Rocher phoning about?” Amadeus asked as he spilled Cranberry Cocktail all over his white shirt.

“Dr. Rocher has been talking to a Sydney Australia based billionaire named Inn Lu the past week,” Renfield said, “According to Inn Lu, yesterday was an auspicious time mathematically speaking for time travellers to travel back in time and time travel back to Xinjiang China a few months ago and save the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever from being murdered on Xi Jinping’s orders. Unfortunately our two volunteer time travellers the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and Dracul Van Helsing couldn’t use the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland because that’s currently undergoing maintenance repairs as a result of the Hindu god Shiva taking disco dance lessons in the tunnel from John Travolta while William Shatner and those members of the Bee Gees who are still alive sang Saturday Night Fever songs backwards. Fortunately Set Enterprises owns a small working time tunnel in the Austrian Alps – the same locale used in the filming of The Sound of Music where ice glaciers and snow fields melted at the melodious voice of Julie Andrews as Maria dancing in the meadows. Dracul and Qonzilqointec had taken a small cactus from the Joshua Tree National Park north of Palm Springs California and substituted it for Strawberry Fields Forever in his holding cell in the re-education camp for transgendered Uighurs in Xinjiang only hours after the pot smoking cactus had told his PRC captors “Better dead than red” and Xi Jinping had given the orders for Strawberry Fields Forever’s wish to come true. So it was actually a Palm Springs north socialite cactus who was butchered by Mei-ling Manchu while Ho Babylon Minh video recorded it for Justin Trudeau. Strawberry Fields Forever is now back in the present and currently alive and well while a slice of a wealthy Palm Springs north socialite cactus is now in the possession of Xi Jinping’s gardener.”

“That’s wonderful news,” Amadeus took off his cranberry cocktail laced white shirt just as the matronly middle aged woman who ran the Tewkesbury Bed and Breakfast entered the room.

The sight of Amadeus with his shirt off caused the woman to swoon like a school girl and buckle at the knees and then collapse on to the floor.

“Now look what you’ve done!” Renfield cried out to Amadeus.

“Does this mean we’re not going to get scones and biscuits for high tea?” Amadeus asked.

Meanwhile a Set Enterprises pterodactyl drone flew to Australia to deliver the news to the pot smoking cacti twins Material Girl and Mellow Yellow that their father Strawberry Fields Forever was in fact still alive.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 29th
2019.

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