Dracul and Voluptas Hedone: An Afternoon Near Byzantium
Voluptas Hedone: The daughter of Cupid and Psyche from Greek mythology
There was a lot of Byzantine intrigue going on in the city of Constantinople (today called Istanbul).
The city was not far from the conflict known as the Russia-Ukraine War (called a “special military operation” by Russian President Vladimir Putin and called “an attack on that place that gave my no-good bum son Hunter a job for doing nothing” by Joe Biden).
Joe Biden had started the day in Washington DC in front of a Business Roundtable of U.S. Corporate CEOs.
He was totally undressed except for wearing a fig leaf that covered his long dead sword and with his behind he painted the floor a very dark brown colour that Pablo Picasso would have never considered painting during his “Blue period”.
While looking like this, Biden informed the CEOs present that from now on he was to be regarded as “the leader of the New World Order”.
Such a proclamation had not been delivered since the days of the most insane ancient Roman Emperors.
Even though Biden had proclaimed himself the “leader of the New World Order” the Biden Administration told the Israeli government in Jerusalem that it should be the one “mediating the war between Russia and Ukraine and bringing it to a peaceful conclusion”.
While Israeli Prime Minister Naftali Bennett sat contemplating whether the bagel and coffee in front of him was totally kosher, he pondered Biden’s idiotic pronouncement and his idiotic passing of the buck (or was it a shekel?) to the Israeli government to peacefully end the Russia-Ukraine War.
Meanwhile in the City of Istanbul (that city of Byzantine intrigue originally founded by the Roman Emperor Constantine) the Israeli Mossad agent codenamed the Star of Azazel was passing out blueprints of the proposed Third Temple of Jerusalem to Turkish Freemasons.
The former Israeli Mossad agent codenamed the Controller of the Golem (who resigned his commission because he couldn’t stand the Star of Azazel’s growing influence within Mossad) managed to get ahold of one of these blueprints in an Istanbul fish market.
He got the shock of his life.
The proposed Third Temple was built in the shape of a giant pyramid with a giant eyeball serving as the capstone.
Nathan (the real first name of the Controller of The Golem) sent a copy of the blue print to his friend the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
The Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit sent out Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles (who were currently staying in a chalet in Switzerland) to Istanbul to investigate.
In a forest not far from Istanbul, Dracul and Welles’ ghost waited to rendezvous with the Controller of the Golem.
Nathan was held up by police in Istanbul because he had accidentally spilled his hot chocolate over a photo of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan (the would-be Sultan of a Revived Ottoman Empire) in a Turkish coffee bazaar (which was considered a capital offense in President Erdogan’s eyes).
As Nathan used his best Kievan Jewish grandfather’s skills in trying to BS his way out of a difficult situation, Dracul and Welles’ ghost waited for him to arrive.
Dracul decided to go sightseeing while Welles’ ghost sat on the grass sampling a spectral glass of ghostly red wine from a ghostly picnic basket as he also ate a ghostly leg of fried chicken.
It was at the edge of the forest that Dracul Van Helsing spotted Voluptas Hedone the daughter of the Greco-Roman deities Cupid and Psyche.
Naturally Dracul Van Helsing being Dracul Van Helsing decided to make out with her.
Voluptas Hedone was only happy to oblige.
As the breeze of the forest seemed to sing that old song Roll Me Over In The Clover, Welles’ ghost and the Controller of The Golem approached the scene.
“Wow, Dracul, you should see what the Holy of Holies in the Third Temple of Jerusalem is going to look like,” Welles’ ghost stated.
Then he saw what Van Helsing and Voluptas Hedone were doing.
“Holy of Holies!” Welles’ ghost exclaimed.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 22nd
2022.
Apocalypse Now?
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in a hotel in the City of Red Deer, Alberta, Canada which was half-way between Edmonton and Calgary (which were Alberta’s two largest cities)
He was sitting in bed wearing a t-shirt that had on it a large photo of Joe Biden falling down the steps of Air Force One.
The t-shirt had on it the slogan NOT MY PRESIDENT.
The TV was on.
It showed thousands of terrified Afghans running across the tarmac of Kabul Airport.
“It looks like Joe Biden’s Saigon moment is going to be a long nightmare for many,” Renfield noted.
The TV News then related a news story about mandatory vaccines becoming an issue in the Canadian Federal Election.
On the streets of Toronto, Ontario, the camera showed a woman anti-vaxxer shouting at Justin Trudeau, “You’re a fucking moron.”
“Well, that woman certainly knows how to call a spade a spade,” Renfield opened up a can of beer.
Meanwhile the People’s Republic of China was organizing a huge armada of naval ships, missiles, planes and attack helicopters and tanks across the Straits from Taiwan.
“No doubt the CCP regime in Beijing has deduced correctly that there’s now a wimp in the White House,” Renfield thought.
Meanwhile Joe Biden was on the phone to Xi Jinping where he said, “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.”
Renfield received a call on his smart phone from a friend of his a former Mossad operative called The Controller of The Golem.
The Controller of the Golem whose first name was Nathan had resigned from Mossad last year after he had found out that Jeffrey Epstein was indeed a Mossad operative and that the Mossad hire-ups had used Epstein’s compromising videos of influential people in compromising positions with young girls to blackmail certain U.S. politicians, businesspeople and scientists into doing Israel’s will.
It was a Mossad operative called the Star of Azazel (an operative that Nathan had never personally liked or gotten along with) who had overseen the whole Jeffrey Epstein operation.
Now Nathan was phoning Renfield to alert him to Star of Azazel’s latest plans that the Controller of The Golem was told of by anonymous colleagues of his that still worked with Mossad.
According to Nathan’s colleagues, Star of Azazel was trying to convince Israeli Prime Minister Naftali Bennett to drop atomic bombs on Tehran, the holy city of Qom and several other important Iranian cities.
Since Iran was only weeks away from the uranium enrichment necessary to develop nuclear weapons, there had been talk in high level Israeli political and intelligence circles of launching pre-emptive strikes on Iranian nuclear facilities and defense installations.
Now however since the American President had shown himself to be a wimp when it came to supporting America’s allies, Star of Azazel had told Bennett that Israel could no longer rely on America for support.
And that a stronger measure was now necessary to deal with Iran.
And that stronger measure Star of Azazel was calling for involved Israel full out nuking Iran.
“These are insane times in Israel and the world,” The Controller of The Golem told Renfield who already knew that, “So it’s possible that the Israeli cabinet might agree to Star of Azazel’s insane suggestions.”
After finishing his conversation with the Controller of the Golem, Renfield decided to call his friend Dracul Van Helsing for advice.
Dracul Van Helsing however was currently engaged in an encounter with Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom.
And Athena was dressed up as Klondike Kate the Yukon Klondike Gold Rush’s most famous saloon dancing girl.
Greek goddess Athena dressed as Klondike Kate
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 17th
2021.
Princess Jasmine Bella Donna
Princess Jasmine Bella Donna: Source of the intelligence reports that Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman was indeed responsible for ordering the murder of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi Arabian consulate in Istanbul
U.S. Intelligence agencies had just released a report that Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman was indeed the man behind the murder of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi consulate in Istanbul (which the Byzantine vampiress Theodora still insisted on calling Constantinople).
Of course U.S. intelligence agencies had not come up with the details of the report itself.
That was done by a Set Enterprises Intelligence report.
The U.S. National Security and Intelligence establishment was still obsessed with the idea that anybody to the right of center politically speaking in the U.S. was secretly a white nationalist or white supremacist and that included blacks, Asians or Latinos who were to the right of center politically speaking.
They were all secretly white nationalists or white supremacists according to the thinking processes of the rigour mortis of the brain experienced by Neo-Bolshevik Communists in the U.S. National Security and Intelligence establishment.
The idea was also echoed by brainless idiots in the mainstream Marxist media in the U.S. as well as the 752 different varieties of gender and overall freaks, nuts and weirdos who made up the Hollywood entertainment and music industries.
Set Enterprises Intelligence had got all of its information from Princess Jasmine Bella Donna.
Although that was not her real name.
She was a rebel renegade princess and member of the Saudi Royal family who was leaking information about all the intrigue and corruption going on in the Royal Court in Riyadh to Set Enterprises intelligence agent Miranda Singh.
Princess Jasmine Bella Donna: Definitely does not dress like a member of the Saudi Royal Family
A copy of the Princess Jasmine Bella Donna-Miranda Singh Report was stolen by an American C.I.A. agent who worked as a janitor at the Set Enterprises Laboratories and Rug Emporium.
The report was then passed on to the Neo-Bolshevik Communists who made up the U.S. National Security and Intellignce Establishment.
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of who stole the report.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield took the janitor/C.I.A. agent on a sky jumping plane ride.
After pushing the janitor/C.I.A. agent out of the plane, Renfield shouted after him, “Oops! It looks like I accidentally put my knapsack on your back instead of an actual parachute.”
The janitor/C.I.A. agent’s career came to an abrupt and sudden end when he hit the ground.
Meanwhile the Mossad dark Deep State agent called Star of Azazel was planning to bump off Princess Jasmine Bella Donna.
Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman although a murderer, a despot and a homicidal maniac was a staunch ally of the State of Israel as far as its Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was concerned.
Netanyahu told Star of Azazel, “Do what you have to do.”
A former Mossad operative called The Controller of The Golem, who had retired last year when he found out that Star of Azazel was associated with the likes of Jeffrey Epstein, told Set Enterprises Intelligence agent Miranda Singh of the plot to kill the Saudi rebel renegade princess.
Thus Princess Jasmine Bella Donna was prepared when the Mossad operative called Sword of Ahab and Wrath of Jezebel came bursting into her room.
She took off her mask and said, “Wouldn’t you like to give me a kiss before you kill me?”.
The Mossad agent couldn’t say no and gave her a kiss.
Her lipstick (invented by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher) contained a powerful Fire Salamander poisonous venom which the way it was prepared was harmless to the lipstick wearer but instantly fatal to anyone the wearer kissed.
Sword of Ahab and Wrath of Jezebel died on the spot.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 28th
2021.
The Controller of The Golem In Prague
The Controller of The Golem In Prague
The Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem stood on the Charles Bridge in Prague the capital of the Czech Republic.
The Charles Bridge had been built back in 1357 by Charles IV the King of Bohemia and the Holy Roman Emperor.
The Controller was to meet in a rendezvous with the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.
Back on February 19th of this year, the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith while wearing a Karl Lagerfeld evening gown had, with the help of a hypnotized Count Dracula, stolen the inanimate body of the Golem of Prague from the invisible corner of the attic of Prague’s Old New Synagogue.
The inanimate body of the Golem of Prague was being held for ransom on the vampiress Lilith’s heavily guarded country estate outside Astana Kazakhstan.
Earlier today however Lilith had sent an encrypted coded message to the Controller of the Golem saying that she would return the Golem’s inanimate body to him tonight on the Charles Bridge in Prague with no questions asked.
The Controller naturally expected a trap which was why he was wearing a bullet proof vest as he walked across the bridge.
It was then that the Controller recognized a large centaur walking at an easy pace across the bridge.
The Controller of the Golem recognized the centaur as Acheronus a centaur who came from Acheron the River of Woe in the Underworld of Hades.
An eccentric Interpol friend of the Controller- Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol- had sent the Mossad agent a picture of the equine-homo sapien hybrid beast from Hades earlier this year.
The Controller did not pay much attention to the Centaur as Acheronus was mainly known for shooting and killing climate change deniers, people who pollute the environment and U.S. country club Republicans with his poisonous bows and arrows.
Imagine the Controller’s surprise therefore when a poisoned arrow came right through his bullet proof vest (which wasn’t arrow proof).
The Controller of the Golem collapsed at the foot of the Crucifix on the Charles Bridge in Prague.
. . .
The Mossad agent code named Star of Azazel received a text message from Hephaestus the blacksmith of the Greek gods.
Hephaestus who was currently working on a pair of horse shoes for Acheronus the Centaur informed Star of Azazel that the centaur assassin’s mission seemed to be a success.
Star of Azazel (who knew the codes for supposedly encrypted messages from the vampiress Lilith to Mossad) smiled.
His fellow agent the Controller of the Golem could have been a major pain in the ass in this matter of the mysterious death of Jeffrey Epstein.
. . .
The Controller of The Golem raised his head above the pavement and looked up at the figure of Christ on the Crucifix.
The Controller found it ironic that Acheronus would shoot at him so that he would fall at this particular spot.
“Maybe you really are The Lord after all, Yeshua,” the Controller said thinking about his grandmother.
His grandmother had converted to Christianity before she died and so was considered the black sheep of the family.
Just before he left his Prague hotel room for his supposed meeting with Lilith on the Charles Bridge, a pterodactyl drone (invented by Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher) had tapped his robotic reptilian beak and robotic reptilian claws on his hotel room window.
When he opened the window, the pterodactyl drone presented him with a handwritten note from his friend Dr. Cadbury Rocher as well as a package containing a vest.
The note from Dr. Rocher read, “Please wear this poisoned arrow proof vest under your bullet proof vest for your meeting on the Charles Bridge tonight. Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster recommends it as he just received a vision of treachery and skulduggery.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 19th
2019.
The Mysterious Death of Jeffrey Epstein
The Mysterious Death of Jeffrey Epstein
The Mossad operative who went by the code name Star of Azazel sat in his office in Jerusalem.
He was the most feared Mossad operative of them all.
Another Mossad operative by the name of the Controller of The Golem would have nothing to do with him.
Because he thought Star of Azazel’s intelligence operations went totally beyond the pale.
For the past month, the thing that worried Star of Azazel the most had been the recent arrest of Jeffrey Epstein this past July 6th.
Epstein’s operation had been the most daring of all Star of Azazel’s intelligence feats.
And it was because of men like Epstein that the Controller of the Golem wanted nothing to do with Star of Azazel’s intelligence operations.
Star of Azazel first felt heat over Epstein when the financier was arrested and charged with sex trafficking of minors in Florida back in 2008.
However due to behind the scenes shenanigans on the part of Star of Azazel, he was able to get Epstein a very lenient plea bargain deal.
Now had come Epstein’s most recent arrest in New York where he was facing new charges of paying girls under 18 to perform sex acts at his Florida and Manhattan mansions.
And yesterday had come the most damaging news of all for Star of Azazel.
Hundreds of pages of court documents that revealed new allegations against Epstein and some of his associates had been released.
These new allegations could possibly blow open the most successful intelligence operation he had ever masterminded.
How Epstein’s sex trafficking operation had ensnared some of America’s most powerful politicians, financiers, media figures and religious leaders into giving their whole hearted support to the State of Israel.
People often wondered how it was that both parties in the U.S. – Democrat and Republican- seemed to be united on one issue- overwhelming support for the State of Israel even on those occasions when Israel was blatantly doing things that clearly violated international law.
The answer of course was Mossad operative Jeffrey Epstein’s sex trafficking operation and all the incriminating photos and videos on leading U.S. figures that Star of Azazel could use for purposes of blackmail and extortion.
Since 2016, people in America had been deeply concerned about Russian collusion with Trump.
Oblivious to the American political establishment’s collusion with the dark side of the Israeli deep state that had been going on for almost 40 years at least as far as Epstein’s operation was concerned.
It had actually been going on for over 50 years starting with Lyndon Baines Johnson’s cover-up of Israeli involvement in the sinking of the U.S.S. Liberty back in 1967.
And now the release of these documents yesterday might start people digging into other matters which could potentially expose his (Star of Azazel’s) Mossad intelligence operation that allowed the pervert Epstein free rein for his proclivities as long as he ensnared leading American establishment figures in Mossad’s net.
One thing was apparent for Star of Azazel (who believed in the concept of a Greater Israel that stretched from the Nile to the Euphrates River as well as the building of a Third Temple on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem).
Jeffrey Epstein would have to die.
And soon.
Star of Azazel reached for his phone.
This morning at 6:30 AM local time (10:30 GMT) Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his cell at a prison facility in New York.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 10th
2019.
Brexit, Renfield For PM, Mermaid Miranda and Poseidon’s Trident
The Vampiress Golgotha standing guard on the Astana Kazakhstan estate of her mother the Vampiress Lilith
A recently discovered Nostradamus tweet on the Internet had sent French and Italian intelligence agents scrambling to the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith’s estate to try to recover the Golem of Prague (recently abducted from his home in the attic of a Prague synagogue) for themselves.
The tweet read, “Whoever controls the Golem of Prague will control the European Union.” #Megalomaniac
German Intelligence agents hadn’t bothered to rush to Lilith’s estate because as German Chancellor Angela Merkel had pointed out, “Nostradamus died long before the Internet was invented.”
But it never occurred to President Emmanuel Macron of France or whatever Italian Prime Minister or Deputy Prime Minister was running the Italian government today while all the other coalition cabinet ministers were down in a Roman vino bar eating spaghetti and drinking vino.
The Vampiress Golgotha ready to slash the throat of any French or Italian intelligence agent planning to steal the Golem of Prague from her mother the Vampiress Lilith’s estate.
. . .
Meanwhile in Washington DC, Donald Trump had directed his Norwegian blue parrot to order the Pentagon to send a U.S. Special Forces unit to Astana Kazakhstan to take control of the Golem of Prague.
. . .
Msgr. Georg Ganswein knocked on the door of the bedroom of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI.
“Yes,” the elderly Father Joseph Ratzinger opened the door.
“Holy Father,” the personal secretary still referred to the Pope Emeritus as Holy Father, “Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is on the phone. She wants advice on what to do now that the latest Brexit bill has been defeated in Parliament. She wants to know whether she should request that a national unity coalition government be formed with a freshman MP from an opposition party that has only 2 seats in the House of Commons serving as Prime Minister.”
. . .
“I’m going to be Britain’s next Prime Minister,” MP Renfield R. Renfield announced to his friends Amadeus Emanon, the New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill before passing out at the London pub table where he was sitting after indulging in too many glasses of strong drink.
“He reminds me of me when I was still alive,” the ghost of Churchill remarked with spirited spectral tears in his ghostly eyes.
. . .
The Greek goddess Artemis dressed as a steampunk time traveller stands guard at the Latin numeral clock of Thoth (ancient Egyptian god of time and record keeping) in London as the clock winds down on Brexit.
The Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler had been travelling back and forth through time to prevent the anti-Nazi Renfield R. Renfield from becoming Prime Minister of Britain in the 2nd decade of the 21st Century thus preventing a resurrection of Der Fuhrer’s 1000-year-old Reich which both Kohler and the dying (hopefully soon to be resurrected) late Fuhrer hoped to achieve through mastery of Die Glocke a bell-shaped time travelling Nazi UFO flying saucer.
Now he was hoping to stop the Thoth clock’s countdown to Brexit to buy himself and the Reich more time.
In his occult research, Kohler had discovered that mermaid venom was capable of killing a god or goddess.
The SS officer put the Amazon blow dart with mermaid venom dipped arrow to his lips.
Only to find himself being shot with silver bullets fired at him by the gun of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
Kohler fell to the ground mortally immortally wounded while Artemis and Van Helsing embraced and kissed.
“Not more engaging in tantric sex,” Kohler gasped as he saw the couple making out below the hands of the clock.
As Kohler started to slip away into eternal darkness, he could hear the voice of Cher singing from a distant radio, “If I could turn back time…”
. . .
The Mossad agent they call the Controller of The Golem (who no longer controlled his most prized possession the Golem of Prague) was walking sadly along the beach north of Tel Aviv when he came upon some rocks on which sat his good friend the mermaid Miranda who had shapeshifted into and assumed human form.
She too looked sad.
“Miranda, what’s wrong?” The Mossad agent asked.
Miranda looked at Nathan (which was the agent’s first name), “You’ve no doubt heard of the theft of the Greek sea god Poseidon’s trident. Neptune as he was called by the Romans only made the theft public now. The Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis in fact stole it from him a few years ago. And handed it over to the Russians. Poseidon’s trident serves as the basis for the Russian hypersonic Tsirkon missile.”
Nathan gulped.
With his knowledge of both classical mythology and advanced modern weapons systems, he knew that would make the Russian hypersonic Tsirkon missile invincible.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 12th
2019.
The Golem of Prague Has Gone Missing
DARPA Contract Assassiness and Renfield associate Panty Goatee in Prague on the lookout for the Golem of Prague
“The Golem of Prague has gone missing, gentlemen,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield announced somewhat somberly over his rum and coke to the ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill.
“Mazel tov,” exclaimed Orson Welles’ ghost inappropriately and somewhat less soberly over his spectral bottle of Mogen David wine.
“Gazooks!” Churchill’s ghost put down his spectral lox and cream cheese bagel.
“Yes, I just got a text message from the Controller of The Golem,” Renfield referred to the Israeli Mossad Agent who went by that code name, “The Golem of Prague went missing last night from the invisible corner of the attic of Prague’s Old New Synagogue when the cantor punched in his invisible co-ordinates on his mobile phone to see if the Golem was still present albeit invisibly.”
“Holy contradiction in terms, Batman,” Churchill’s ghost remarked in somewhat Robinesque fashion, “how did that happen?”.
“Well according to video surveillance footage,” Renfield looked at the footage on his Huawei smart phone, “the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith and the Transylvanian Count Dracula (who appeared to be in a hypnotic state) flew into the attic and minutes later were seen carrying out a very visible Golem. The video has been shared 666 million times on social media because during the Golem heist, the vampiress Lilith was wearing the last evening dress that House of Chanel Creative Fashion Director Karl Lagerfeld (September 10th 1933 – February 19th 2019) who died earlier today had ever designed.”
“Lilith was wearing a Karl Lagerfeld evening gown when she stole the Golem?” Welles’ ghost dropped his cigar in incredulity.
“Say what you will about Lilith,” Renfield poured himself a glass of Glenlivet Single Malt Whisky, “The vampiress does have impeccable good taste.”
“But how was she able to access the code for the invisible corner of the attic of Prague’s Old New Synagogue?” Churchill’s ghost bit deep into his spectral cigar spilling ectoplasmic ash all over his spirited spiritly suit, “only the Controller of the Golem and his designated successor within Mossad know the complicated access code which is to be found in the world’s only Jewish Chinese abacus the whereabouts in Israel that only the Controller and his successor know. Such has always been the case since the state of Israel was created back in 1948.”
“I don’t know how the code was cracked,” Renfield cracked himself a walnut as Donald Trump appeared on his smart phone extolling the virtues of building a wall.
. . .
“It was pure luck,” the somewhat inebriated Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth (son of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom Sophia when she was still a virgin although she was helped in terms of genetic manipulation and cloning techniques by the immortal Egyptian priest-scientist Imhotep) told Stephen Colbert the host of the Late Show, “I really didn’t know how to crack the code. But after drinking 200 pints of Guinness, ask me to do anything and I’ll probably do it. Which explains how I wound up face down in the gutter in front of the Apostolic home of the recently defrocked former Cardinal Theodore McCarrick back when he was still Archbishop of Washington DC. I woke up with an awfully sore rectum I do recall.”
“And did Lilith actually wear the last evening gown that Karl Lagerfeld ever designed before he died when she abducted the Golem of Prague?” Colbert asked.
“That she did,” Yaldabaoth nodded as he helped himself to a can of Samuel Adams GOAT Beer and then tossed it aside when he noticed his half-brother’s picture on it, “a Karl Lagerfeld evening dress, red silk nylons and blue spiked stiletto high heeled shoes. I myself wore a pair of green silk tights and a denim mini skirt that I had bought from Old Navy.”
“Are you trying to copy my transsexual transgendered habits?” Yaldabaoth’s younger brother/sister the Baphomet (the male/female human goat demon hybrid that was the son/daughter of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom Sophia after she had made out with the Greek nature satyr god Pan) lunged at him from the audience.
“We appear to have a fight going on between a transgendered human goat demon hybrid and an Irish leprechaun,” Colbert informed his audience.
Meanwhile backstage the Nazi SS vampiress Helga Electrafreudenbund awaited to talk to Yaldabaoth.
She had failed in her own mission to destroy the Golem back during World War II.
She had ended up being strangled by the Golem of Prague but was brought back to life by Dr. Josef Mengele and then turned into a vampiress by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.
. . .
“The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith is behind much of the anti-Semitism currently happening in Britain and France,” Renfield explained to Welles and Churchill, “Vengeance for what she said was the defamation and libel of her good name in The Babylonian Talmud.”
“What about the current anti-Semitism in the Labour Party?” Churchill asked.
“I’ll have to ask my good friend Liverpool Wavertree MP Luciana Berger,” Renfield replied, “formerly of the Labour Party but left yesterday with 6 other former Labour MPs to form the Independent Group.”
Liverpool Wavertree MP Luciana Berger in much happier times last summer.
Getting her picture taken by fellow MP Renfield R. Renfield as he did his impersonation of Groucho Marx smoking a cigar and doing his hybrid duck/penguin walk.
-A vampire novel
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 19th
2019.
R.I.P. Karl Lagerfeld
September 10th 1933
to
February 19th 2019.
Naomi Campbell wearing an outfit designed by Karl Lagerfeld
Vampiress Lilith and Satyr Bagpiper Pan Deux At Robbie Burns Day Dinner In Jerusalem
It was Robbie Burns Day and William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas the British Deputy Consul at the British Consulate in West Jerusalem was hosting a Robbie Burns party in his West Jerusalem home.
William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas had been the Scottish Nationalist Party (SNP) MSP (Member of the Scottish Parliament) for the Eildon Hills and the Intergovernmental Affairs Minister for Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond’s Scottish Parliamentary government prior to the September 18th 2014 Scottish independence referendum which the pro-independence side had lost.
To show there were no hard feelings after the referendum, then British Prime Minister David Cameron had named William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas (who had been slated to become the first Foreign Minister for an independent Scotland) the British Deputy Consul in West Jerusalem.
So he and his Indian born wife Sangita Patel Douglas had moved to West Jerusalem along with their official family bagpiper the tartan kilt wearing hairy goat legged genetically created satyr bagpiper Pan Deux.
Pan Deux was the genetically created younger brother of world famous satyr serial killer and DARPA contract assassin Pan Goatee.
Both satyrs had been genetically created in a lab by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
Pan Deux since he was not injected with the DNA of the homicidal Siberian yeti (like his brother Pan Goatee was) but rather the more people friendly Himalayan yeti (Dr. Cadbury Rocher had used yeti DNA to make their legs furry and hairy as modern goat DNA didn’t seem to cut it), he wasn’t as homicidally inclined as his older cloned brother satyr was.
And in that respect Pan Deux wasn’t as malevolent as his older brother Pan Goatee was.
Although music lovers might disagree as most of the world’s music critics found Pan Deux’s bagpipe playing to be horrendous.
One music critic for The Jerusalem Post had in fact written that singer-songwriter Don McClean had had a prophetic vision of Pan Deux’s bagpipe playing the day he wrote the American Pie song lyrics “The day the music died…”
And the Mossad agent they called The Controller of The Golem had become personal friends with Mr. William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas and his wife Mrs. Sangita Patel Douglas since they had arrived in Jerusalem a few years ago so he had been invited to the couple’s Robbie Burns party on this Friday night.
No doubt his rabbi wouldn’t be pleased to see him missing at this evening’s synagogue service but then eating haggis was a once in a lifetime experience.
And speaking of once in a lifetime culinary experiences, the Mossad agent’s White House source (let’s call him… Jared Kushner… in Jerry Seinfeldian fashion) had informed the Controller of The Golem that the reason why Donald Trump had caved in to Nancy Pelosi on the government funding issue was because last night the Donald had dreamed that he had died after eating 94 plates of lutefisk.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, the Donald had dreamed that he had been thrown into Hell after dying.
The Donald had angrily cried after being thrown toupee head downwards into the flames of Hell by the Archangels Michael and Raphael, “Who does this Jesus Christ guy think he is anyways? Telling me that I can go to Hell like that? God Incarnate or something?”.
The Controller of The Golem had also found out that Nancy Pelosi (namely because the Mossad had placed a camera and listening devices into the Congresswoman’s vibrator which she carried either in her purse or on her person at all times) the House of Representatives’ chief practicing witch had offered a sacrifice of frogs’ legs (done in a Buffalo barbeque style) to a statue of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft in thanksgiving to Donald Trump caving in to her.
Silly Nancy was totally unaware that the Donald had sent the ghost of the insane Roman Emperor Nero as an incubus to appear to her and offer her a better bang for her buck than her long suffering vibrator.
And speaking of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft, the Controller of The Golem had recently found out that Hecate had been beheaded a few years back when she had foolishly walked down the street in her ugly looking crone form at the same time that Pan Goatee was walking down the street.
Hecate’s skull was currently being kept in the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica at the Vatican (on Pope Francis’ orders) as the unknown relic to be venerated.
The Controller of The Golem’s date for the Robbie Burns dinner at the Douglas home was the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who was wearing a lovely low-cut purple evening dress boldly advertising a nice pair of knockers that most of the male guests present at the dinner couldn’t keep their eyes off of.
A few years ago, Lilith had attempted to poison the Controller of The Golem by dropping a vial of Polonium-210 into his glass of Scotch while he was sitting in a pub in London, England.
The poisoning had worked because the Controller of The Golem had croaked (like the poor frog who was the subject of Nancy Pelosi’s Congressional Wiccan dissection sacrifice to Hecate).
Fortunately for the Controller of The Golem, Dr. Cadbury Rocher had brought him back from the dead.
But the Controller of The Golem was now willing to let bygones be bygones as far as Lilith was concerned.
He had run into the vampiress last night when she was skiing downhill on the southern slopes of Mount Hermon (the mountain where the angelic Watchers of Genesis Chapter 6 had landed millenia ago) in the Israeli controlled Golan Heights.
She had been skiing down the slopes while wearing a slit skirted jade green evening dress, very attractive tan pantyhose and spiked stiletto high heeled shoes.
The Controller of The Golem promptly asked her out for a date on the spot.
And the date was to attend tonight’s ritual slaughter of the haggis in the Douglas dining room in that ancient Robbie Burns Day dinner ritual known as the Presentation of the Haggis.
And now the haggis was being piped in on a silver platter in the dining room by the tartan kilt wearing hairy goat legged genetically created satyr bagpiper Pan Deux for the presentation of the haggis at this year’s Robbie Burns dinner.
William Wallace Rob Roy James Stuart Douglas then spoke the Address To A Haggis written by Robbie Burns before sacrificing the haggis with a ceremonial knife.
Belvedere the ghost of a ghost white salamander who was covering the West Jerusalem Robbie Burns dinner as a news correspondent for The Times of London winced when he saw the knife come down on the haggis.
Sangita Patel Douglas stood ready with a bowl of her delicious home made curry to pour on the haggis as most of those present didn’t really relish the idea of eating sheep’s guts on its own.
Pan Deux after playing the Piping In Of The Haggis on his bagpipes then played Some Enchanted Evening from the musical South Pacific on his bagpipes.
Lilith accidentally dropped a fork down the front of her evening dress and at least a dozen of the male guests present offered their assistance.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Robbie Burns Day
Friday January 25th
2019.
As a Robbie Burns Day dinner was held at the Douglas home in West Jerusalem, the Romanian vampiress dominatrix Ravenella Vampyrex stands ready to tomato the buns of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman in a special ceremony to welcome in the world’s new Messiah.
At the same time, the Transylvanian Count Dracula was struck off his Google built AI robotic camel on the road to Damascus by a blinding light identifying itself as the Antichrist but added that Oprah Winfrey and Eckhart Tolle were advising the Count not to fear it.
Stone Altar To Jerusalem 3rd Temple Dedicated
A Russian girl picks apples from the Russian Apple Tree of Death in Sevastopol, Crimea
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was in San Francisco California along with the Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh (the immortal granddaughter of the late Vietnamese President Ho Chi Minh and an intelligence operative for the Chinese Intelligence Service) in order to deliver deadly lethal poisoned apples (grown on the Russian Apple Tree of Death in Sevastopol Crimea) to Apple CEO Tim Cook in California’s Silicone Valley (not to be confused with the space between a California female porn star’s breasts) as vengeance for the U.S. government ordering the arrest of Huawei executive and Chief Financial Officer Meng Wanzhu in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.
Already several U.S. and Canadian government officials had died under mysterious circumstances since the arrest of Meng Wanzhu in the escalating trade and technology war between the U.S. and China.
Quite possibly the last of Chief Papaschase’s prophecies of three world wars were coming to pass.
Chief Papaschase was a Cree First Nations Chief who lived in both the Lesser Slave Lake and Edmonton areas of northern Alberta, Canada.
In the Edmonton Bulletin newspaper in 1906, Chief Papaschase told the editor of a vision he had of three world wars that had been given him by the Great Spirit.
The first World War would see Britian, France, Italy, Russia and the U.S. fighting against Germany, the Austro-Hungarian Empire and the Ottoman Empire.
The Second World War would see Britain, France, Russia, the U.S. and China fighting against Germany, Italy and Japan.
Back in the 1990s, George Milner a member of the City of Edmonton History and Archives Board was given the task of presenting Chief Papaschase’s descendants with a City of Edmonton recognition award for his contributions to the development of the City of Edmonton.
The award would be presented by Mr. Milner to Papaschase’s descendants at the City of Edmonton History and Archives Board’s Annual Historical Recognition Awards Dinner.
The Gladieu (also spelled Gladue) family of northern Alberta and northern Saskatchewan (who were all descended from the great Chief Papaschase) had numerous representatives on hand at the dinner to receive the award on behalf of their ancestor.
While researching the life of Chief Papaschase for the speech he was to give, Mr. Milner was startled to discover in a copy of the Edmonton Bulletin newspaper from 1906 a description of the vision of three world wars that Chief Papaschase gave to Edmonton Bulletin editor Frank Oliver of a revelation he said he had received from the Great Spirit.
Mr. Milner was stunned by the sheer accuracy of the prophecies of the two world wars.
Unlike Nostradamus (or as a former DARPA employee called the writer of confused and confusing quatrains Nostril Dumb Ass), Chief Papaschase named names and didn’t equivocate.
Mr. Milner alluded to the prophecies in his dinner speech very briefly as he didn’t want the sensation of the vision to obscure Chief Papaschase’s other achievements in northern Alberta history.
As for the vision of the Third World War, Mr. Milner told the vision to his son.
The Third World War, Chief Papaschase noted would begin initially as a war of trade, technology and industrial espionage with China and Russia on one side vs. the U.S., Western Europe and Japan on the other.
Then admist a backdrop of tensions in the Crimean Peninsula on the Black Sea and religious and political tensions in the Middle East, the trade and technology war between the U.S. and China would suddenly erupt into open hostility and military conflict and warfare as a result of an incident that happened on Canada’s West Coast.
Papaschase did not say what that incident would be.
However with the recent arrest of Huawei Chief Financial Officer Meng Wanzhu in Vancouver, British Columbia while conflict in the Crimean Peninsula region of the Black Sea and religious and poltical tensions in the Middle East were reaching a crescendo it suddenly hit George Milner’s son that this may have been the scenario that Chief Papaschase saw prior to the outbreak of the military aspect of World War III.
Which may also explain why George Milner’s son has had such immense problems with demonically possessed roommates the past year and an inoperative iPhone and a gradually failing Samsung Galaxy tablet the past couple of months (as well as Fascism, Communism and all around totalitarianism on the part of the Calgary Public Library system) as he is probably one of the few human beings on Earth aware of the prophecies made by Chief Papaschase back in 1906.
As Renfield and Ho set out to poison Apple’s Cook with poisoned apples picked from the Russian Apple Tree of Death in Sevastopol Crimea (a tree genetically developed by Dr. Nicht Werhoffen the chief scientist of the Russian FSB who used to be the chief scientist for the East German Stasi back in the days when Communist East Germany existed as a country), British Prime Minister Theresa May stood in the Westminster House of Commons and announced that she was cancelling tomorrow’s Commons vote on her Brexit deal.
Ostensibly because she was going to lose the vote.
But also because Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II was anxious to find out what Renfield’s position on the deal was and Renfield was out of the country trying to save Canada’s national political sovereignty from the Trump Administration of the U.S.
Meanwhile in Jerusalem Israel, the Mossad agent they called the Controller of the Golem stood on the Temple Mount watching kohanim (priestly members) of Israel’s nascent Sanhedrin dedicate a stone altar to the Third Temple in Jersualem on the Temple Mount.
They were doing it today December 10th (which is the last day of Hannukah this year).
Meanwhile the ghost of Thomas Merton (the famous 20th Century American Trappist monk, writer, poet and mystic who had died 50 years ago today as a result of accidental electrocution by a Hitachi floor fan in his Bangkok Thailand retreat center room where he was attending an ecumenical monastic conference and dialogue between Catholic and Buddhist monks although Episcopalian (and former Dominican priest) Matthew Fox made the claim in 2016 that Merton was actually assassinated by the American CIA) had been granted temporary dispensational leave from Purgatory and Paradise by Hades the god of the Underworld (since Pope Francis was currently out to lunch as he had been since the start of his pontificate) to attend the dedication ceremony.
As Merton stood there, he was shocked to see the demons Baphomet and Beelzebub standing to the left of the Third Temple stone altar dedication ceremony.
What, Merton wondered, were they doing there?
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 10th
2018.
The Atargatis-Putin Meeting and Set’s Recollection of The 1939 New York City World’s Fair Opening
The Atargatis-Putin Meeting and Set’s Recollection of The 1939 New York City World’s Fair Opening
The Mossad agent they called The Controller of The Golem was in London to meet with the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set asking for his assistance.
Earlier this year, the mermaid goddess Atargatis had planned a mermaid invasion of the State of Israel 🇮🇱.
The invasion was stopped after the Byzantine vampiress Theodora asked her centaur friend Chiron to get the Centaurs to defend Israel against the mermaids.
Chiron had agreed.
And Poseidon (the Greek god of the sea and another friend of Theodora) had asked his brother Hades the god of the Underworld to grant permission for the Centaurs to leave the Underworld realm of Hades to defend Israel.
Chiron, Poseidon and Hades had all come through for Theodora and so Atargatis (the mother of the Assyrian Queen Semiramis) had called off the mermaid 🧜♀️ invasion of Israel.
Now it had come to the Controller’s attention that the mermaid Atargatis was swimming in the Moskva River and had been meeting on a regular basis with Vladimir Putin the past couple of weeks.
And tensions were high between Russia’s Putin and Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu over the recent downing of a Russian plane over Syria.
And the Russian FSB’s leading scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (formerly of the East German Stasi) had recently invented a tank capable of inflicting mortal wounds on Centaurs.
Thus the Controller of The Golem feared that Atargatis and Putin were planning a joint mermaid-Russian attack on Israel.
Now the Controller of The Golem was seeking the help of Set and his chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
As the Controller of The Golem waited in the living room of the Set Mansion, Set was in his upstairs bedroom thinking about the official opening of the 1939 World’s Fair in New York City on April 30th 1939.
He was recalling a meeting between a beautiful woman and scientist Albert Einstein at that opening.
Woman To Albert Einstein: “Is that the equation for the Theory of Relativity in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 2nd
2018.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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