Renfield Examines Other Global Issues Besides The Coronavirus

March 14, 2020 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield Examines Other Global Issues Besides The Coronavirus 

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was in his room in the colossal mansion on the colossal West London estate of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

He was examining a bunch of briefing papers put together for him by his parliamentary research staff.

As Co-Chairman of the British House of Commons Committee On Global Affairs and International Intelligence Gathering, he would often read these papers each night before bedtime.

At his right hand was a bottle of Drumheller Madame’s Moonshine Remedy For Maladies.

He had kept this bottle in the wine, beer and spirits cellar of the house for years but he decided to open it after reading a comment someone had made on someone else’s blog.

As he downed the bottle while someone sang the song My Corona on the radio in the background, he read the report.

He was currently reading a statement from this past week’s issue of Business Insider Magazine, 

“A swarm containing an estimated 200 billion locusts was recorded in Kenya and each insect can eat its own weight in food. That equates to about as much food as 84 million people can eat in a day.
The UN fears the number of locusts could grow 500 times as much by June and reach 30 different countries.”

That number of locusts then would be somewhere in the trillions Renfield thought to himself as he made a quick calculation on his antique Chinese abacus.

Renfield then read a circled report from BBC News on how China was sending ducks to battle Pakistan’s locust swarms.

The report went on that apparently ducks can eat up to 200 locusts a day.

They would thus be sending a veritable Air Force of ducks to Pakistan to battle the problem.

And even more interesting they would be using genetically modified ducks with even bigger appetites to go after them.

Renfield then read a notation sent to him by his friend Mei-ling Manchu (the vampiress who still worked for Communist China’s Intelligence Service) and another one from his friend Ho Babylon Minh (the vampiress who had recently defected from Beijing to Taiwan) that a directive had been sent out from Beijing to make sure that the genetically modified ducks (after the operation had been completed) were not then passed off to a market to be sold for human consumption.

The directive ended with the words, “We all know how that didn’t work out for us so well the last time we did something similar in using genetically modified creatures.”

Meanwhile in the Hubei province of China, Private Wo Woo of the People’s Liberation Army Biological and Genetically Modified Animals Unit was about to be shot by firing squad.

Private Woo’s idea of using genetically modified bats to deal with a nasty mosquito infestation had been surprisingly a success.

His idea to earn a little extra money on the side, after the operation was completed, turned out not to be so brilliant.

Private Woo’s last action and last words, before being shot by firing squad, was to hit his forehead with his right hand and say, “Oh, what a dummy. Oh, what a dummy.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Saturday March 14th
2020.

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The Great Coronavirus

March 13, 2020 at 10:22 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, )

The Great Coronavirus 

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his aquarium at Set Enterprises Laboratories when he had a dream of the Coronavirus wearing a top hat and tuxedo and black dress pants and carrying a walking stick appearing on stage in a theatre and singing and dancing while a searchlight followed him around in the darkened auditorium.

The Coronavirus singing a song entitled The Great Coronavirus (to the tune and melody of The Platters song The Great Pretender):

Oh yes, I’m the Great Coronavirus 
No one knows where I come from 
Maybe from a bat
Or possibly a cat 
in a market in old Wuhan.

Oh yes, I’m the Great Coronavirus 
I caused the great Xi 
To send the Army 
And lock down all of Hubei
Minus Huawei’s WiFi.

Oh yes, I’m the Great Coronavirus 
Next was a cult in Korea 
A False Messiah’s panacea 
leading to more Trump verbal diarrhea 
And possible Kim Jong-un gonorrhea 

Oh yes, I’m the Great Coronavirus
Next was Iran
Ayatollah’s kick of the can
Its leadership dropped like flies 
to a Mullah’s lullabies 
lick a Qom shrine like gravied French fries

Oh yes, I’m the Great Coronavirus 
Next was Italy 
another lock down you see
No mobility 
dwindling liberty 
And Francis’ papacy
Gates of Hell is the Key 

Oh yes, I’m the Great Coronavirus
Next was the Land of The Free 
Trump shrugged it off constantly 
Maybe one death, two or three 
And now it’s national emergency 
With toilet paper for those with no place to pee

Who is behind this plague
Named after a beer keg?
Was it Bill Gates?
Or PLA greats? 
Is it real?
A true real deal 
Or just plain hysteria?
Driven to just scare ya
Into the arms of a nefaria 
Called the NWO
Since God is man’s foe
You have no place to go

You evolved from the sea
Says Darwin’s alchemy
Virus thou art
And to virus thou will go
Social distancing as we all depart.

-A poem, song and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Friday March 13th
2020.

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Coronavirus and The Emergence of The Dullahan

March 11, 2020 at 10:49 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Coronavirus and The Emergence of The Dullahan

With stock markets crashing, Democratic Presidential candidates cancelling events, professional sports teams cancelling the rest of their seasons and health experts scrambling to come up with a response, Donald Trump was busy sneezing into Keep America Great hats that he was autographing for his most enthusiastic supporters.

Down at the Vatican, Pope Francis entered a room and was shocked to find that it was stacked with rolls of toilet paper that went all the way up to the room’s high ceiling.

“What’s this all about?” Pope Francis asked his papal secretary.

“Well,” his papal secretary, who was wearing a flashy rhinestone laced pink ensemble designed by a Milan fashion designer who also designed stage costumes for Sir Elton John back in the day of his tours, replied, “after watching those news clips of California buyers going crazy in COSTCO stores, the boys and I decided we should really be prepared in case we have to self-isolate.”

“Really?” Pope Francis gazed at the miles and miles of toilet paper that stretched to the ceiling like giant killer Jack’s magic beanstalks on steroids, “I had no idea that my Vatican team was so full of it.”

And in London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having a FaceTime video conversation with his friend Amadeus Emanon who was in Australia helping to rescue koalas, kangaroos and other wildlife from the Australian wildfires.

“Even the moving dinners at the Road Kill Cafe out in the outback are wearing surgical face masks over their faces as they cross the road to get run over and become someone’s entree special,” Amadeus remarked.

Meanwhile in a doctor’s office in Sydney, Australia, a physician, who was wearing the mother of all hazmat outfits to end all hazmat outfits, read aloud to the Road Kill Cafe’s best customer Uncle Ernie the just returned results of his test for the Coronavirus.

The NBA announced the cancelling of the rest of the professional basketball season as a result of a Utah Jazz team player coming down with the Coronavirus.

Tomorrow the NHL would be announcing it would be doing the same with the rest of the professional hockey season.

This month’s World Figure Skating Championships in Montreal, Quebec had likewise been cancelled.

In Tokyo, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe announced that the 2020 Summer Olympics were still going ahead although the media found the sight of a supernatural Yamabushi samurai warrior committing hari kari in the background during the Prime Ministerial announcement somewhat disconcerting.

Meanwhile in Ireland, the Dullahan of Irish Celtic mythology was preparing to ride forth across the world.

The Dullahan- a headless horseman dressed all in black (carrying his own head in his own arm) riding a black horse.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 11th
2020.

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Just Another Day In Coronavirus World

March 8, 2020 at 7:26 pm (Commentary) (, )

Just Another Day In Coronavirus World

Custodians at the Louvre did not have such a mess to clean up these days as crowds were gone due to the Louvre being closed over fears of the Coronavirus.

“I thought the Mona Lisa had a mysterious smile,” one of the custodians (who was a huge fan of Nat King Cole’s repertoire of songs) remarked to a fellow custodian.

“She does,” the other custodian nodded, “just behind the surgical face mask she’s wearing.”

Meanwhile at the Musee d’ Orsay in Paris, custodians there were noting that in the portrait painting of Whistler’s Mother there was a huge stockpile of rolls of toilet paper besides her chair in the painting.

“She’s well prepared for possible quarantine due to the Coronavirus, I see,” one custodian remarked to the other.

Meanwhile at the Huntington Library Art Museum in San Marino, California, Thomas Lawrence’s Pinkie had started to turn blue and Thomas Gainsborough’s Blue Boy had started to turn pink as a result of contact with the Coronavirus.

“Well, it’s about time these two paintings acted in a more non-binary gender free colour fashion,” harrumphed an outspoken member of Pasadena’s LGBTQ2S+ (“we’re going to have to start using letters of the Sanskrit alphabet because we may run out of letters of the Latin alphabet to describe ourselves”) community.

At the Sistine Chapel in Rome, a figure of Pachamama (the Inca earth mother goddess recently welcomed to the Vatican by Pope Francis) wagged her finger and shook her head and the words “No. No. No. No touching” appeared in a cartoon like dialogue balloon over the figure of Michelangelo’s Jehovah extending his finger to the finger of Michelangelo’s Adam.

At the Vatican, Pope Francis told pilgrims via Livestream that he was being kept captive in the library.

In the background, books were sneezing themselves off the book shelves.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday March 8th
2020.

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Coronavirus Panic, Gnostic God Abraxas, Qonzilqointec, Ho Babylon Minh and The Pascal Sacrifice On Mount Moriah

March 4, 2020 at 11:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Coronavirus Panic, Gnostic God Abraxas, Qonzilqointec, Ho Babylon Minh and The Pascal Lamb Sacrifice On Mount Moriah

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec living as a vampiric immortal isn’t worried about contracting the Coronavirus

The same was not true of the state of California where after only one death, the governor had declared a State of Emergency over the Coronavirus.

Outside a COSTCO store in the State of California, a long line up of people were waiting to rush in to buy emergency food supplies and prepping items as well as surgical face masks and bottles of hand sanitizer (even though the latter items had already been sold out).

A man dressed in American Revolutionary War era attire and riding a horse was going throughout the huge COSTCO parking lot and shouting in Paul Revere like fashion, “The Coronavirus is coming. The Coronavirus is coming.”

On a nearby city street, a woman dressed in a chicken costume with what appeared to be a small cloud encircling her chicken head was busy shouting, “The Coronavirus is falling. The Coronavirus is falling.”

Inside the COSTCO store, angered customers were shouting over the fact that all surgical face masks had been sold out and by their attitude were thus totally ignoring the U.S. Surgeon-General’s recent request that the U.S. general public refrain from buying surgical face masks.

At the cigarette counter, there were long line ups of people waiting to buy cigarettes thus totally ignoring a U.S. Surgeon-General’s report from the early 1960s that smoking cigarettes can cause lung cancer.

Meanwhile back in the surgical face mask aisle, the store manager announced that there was a supply of Halloween face masks that had been found and were now available in the Toy Department.

The manager was trampled and killed in the subsequent rush over to the Toy Department.

Two women eventually got into a huge fight over the last Halloween mask available -an Al Gore mask from the year 2000 with a Made In Florida dangling chad hanging from his mouth.

Meanwhile at the Vatican, Pope Francis was calling for algor-ethics at a Vatican Conference On Ethics In Algorithms and The Future of AI (Artificial Intelligence).

Speeding down a California freeway while being chased by a group of sinister government Men In Black was a Japanese female sex robot called Akira who was totally ignoring Pope Francis’ call for algor-ethics as she put a spiked high-heeled pedal to the metal and hit the gas on her huge carbon emissions polluting hummer.

Her front seat partner – a man called Paul- who was dressed up the way Jesus of Nazareth might look in a church Easter Passion play- was desperately reading a book called Re-Imagining Mind Control For Dummies.

In the back seat, a professorial looking type (who was really an ET from outer space) named Lassetter was taking huge swigs from a phallus shaped bottle of whisky.
Sitting next to him was an Afghan War vet named Billy-Bob who was coming down with a severe case of PTSD while looking at the stock market trading app on his smartphone and seeing how bad the market was falling and share prices were diving over the latest Coronavirus fears.

Watching comfortably the highway car chase on television in his living room at home was America’s leading (and only) Irish Jewish science-fiction writer of note – George Finneganburg.

Said an astounded George Finneganburg, “My Sci-Fi novel is really quite literally coming to life in this particular California car chase.”

. . .

Standing in front of a statue of Baphomet whose feet were covered by aborted babies, Senate Minority leader Sen. Chuck Schumer of New York threatened U.S. Supreme Court Justices Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh if they upheld a pro-life law from Louisiana.

“I want to tell you, Gorsuch, I want to tell you, Kavanaugh, you have released the whirlwind and you will pay the price,” Schumer thundered into the microphone as bats, locusts and scorpions flew out of his mouth while he spoke.

The ghost of Adolf Eichmann (dispensatationally released from Tartarus at the requests of the demons Baal and Baphomet) applauded in the background.

. . .

Meanwhile on Mount Moriah (also known as the Temple Mount) the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith (who was also known as the Lady Moriah) was directing a whirlwind to blow around the Mount.

A few weeks earlier the ancient gnostic god Abraxas (who had the head of a rooster, the arms and torso of a man, and the legs were two slithering serpents) had approached some Kabbalistic rabbis who belonged to the 21st Century Sanhedrin and told them to sacrifice a paschal lamb at an altar on the Temple Mount for Passover this year for the first time in 2000 years.

“To sacrifice a paschal lamb now will show that the imposter so-called Christ Jesus of Nazareth was not the Paschal Lamb sacrificed for all time,” Abraxas told the cheering rabbis.

A request for a permit from the Israeli government to perform the ceremony was then asked by the Sanhedrin.

Today at the Vatican, the gnostic god Abraxas appeared to the Communist and homosexual predatory Cardinals who now ran the Vatican under Pope Francis and told them his idea.

The pro-Francis group of Cardinals applauded since they didn’t really believe that Jesus of Nazareth was truly God Incarnate in the flesh never mind being the ultimate and final Paschal Lamb sacrifice for sin.

. . .

Now sporting blue hair, the Vietnamese vampiress and notably unique Shakespearian actress Ho Babylon Minh who would be playing a voodoo queen in a New Orleans style zombie and voodoo themed adaptation of Shakespeare’s MacBeth slated for tonight at the Pantages Theatre (directed by the ghost of Orson Welles) showed up in her car outside the doors of the theatre.

On his way into the show for tonight’s performance, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was asked about yesterday’s Super Tuesday primary in the U.S.

“Does this mean the end of Trotskyite Marxist Bernie Sander’s Presidential aspirations?” A member of the Press asked the MP.

“Well,” Renfield replied as he carried a silver handled walking stick, “Given the fact that we are all living in extremely surreal times (surreal as in a Salvador Dali painting of Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie dressed as Cleopatra and embracing a giant asp), we must realize anything can happen. Bernie Sanders not only winning the Democratic nomination but winning the Presidency. In these surreal times, expect the Unexpected.”

Renfield kicked a snake with a rooster’s head out of the way as he entered the theatre.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 4th
2020.

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Mephistopheles Dances As Trump Announces Containment of Coronavirus

February 28, 2020 at 11:37 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Mephistopheles Dances As Trump Announces Containment of Coronavirus

The demon Mephistopheles had had a busy week.

He had accompanied Donald Trump on his visit to India to meet Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi.

As the Donald was busy bombing at an audition to appear in a Bollywood musical dance number routine, Mephistopheles went to New Delhi, where, as the patron demon in charge of promoting racism and ethnic hatred and violence, he succeeded in arousing extreme Hindu nationalists into killing Muslims in New Delhi in days of rioting (at which the current death toll sat at 38).

Mephistopheles was now in Canada arousing racist attacks against indigenous people due to the fact that indigenous self-proclaimed Warrior Societies (really criminal gangs giving themselves a pleasant sounding name and title) were blockading various roads and railways throughout Canada.

. . .

Meanwhile at the White House in Washington DC, Donald Trump approached his medical mask wearing British butler and valet Lexington and posed the question, “Hey, Lexington, what’s up with all these people in hazmat suits carrying all these dead bodies out of the White House?”.

“Well, it can’t possibly be the Coronavirus, sir,” Lexington commented sardonically, “since just days ago, you assured the American people in a press conference that your Administration has got the Coronavirus totally under control. And as you yourself said, “Maybe one or two deaths at most. Not much more.” So presumably all these folks have keeled over from contracting something else.”

“I think that’s safe to say, Lexington,” Trump nodded, “And speaking of keeping the Coronavirus under control, have you seen my Vice-President Mike Pence?”.

“He’s currently in a military hospital on life support,” Lexington answered.

“What?” Trump’s resulting anger blew his ridiculous looking toupee off his head, “Why wasn’t I informed?”.

“Officials were afraid of getting fired in one of your tweets,” Lexington explained, “if word got out among the American public that the man you had put in charge of containing the Coronavirus namely Vice-President Mike Pence had himself just died from the Coronavirus. They’re currently contacting a Havana based research scientist Dr. Ja Oui Khan into building an identical robot that looks like Vice-President Pence to appear in public and reassure voters. They’re also contacting Set Enterprises’ chief research scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher to see if he can bring Mike Pence back from the dead as he was successful at bringing an Israeli Mossad agent back from the dead as well as the Greek god Apollo.”

“How do they determine what constitutes being dead these days anyways?” Trump helped himself to a candy zombie man from a candy jar full of candy zombie men, “Is it being brain dead and showing lack of brain waves? That’s what allows doctors to determine death?”.

“I think there are other determining factors, ” Lexington replied, “for example I understand there’s someone who currently works in the Oval Office who’s been brain dead for years and yet shows other signs of animation.”

“Really? And who might that be?” Trump asked as he bit the head off a candy zombie man.

“If you please, sir,” Lexington stepped over a dead body, “I’d rather not say.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 28th
2020.


The goddesses Demeter and Persephone await the arrival of more souls in the Underworld.

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Pan Goatee, The Coronavirus and Cthulhu

February 8, 2020 at 11:42 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee, The Coronavirus and Cthulhu

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was sitting in his neighbourhood food court trying to enjoy his slice of pizza when an ugly looking school girl walked by.

Goatee (who had recently recovered from tennis elbow) thought to himself, “Ugly looking girls grow up to become ugly looking women.”

He grabbed his astral laser machete and said to the little uglo, “What do they teach you in the public school system these days? Obviously no appreciation for beauty.”

He beheaded her and a group of rats then gathered around and ate her.

The rats (brought to life from the 1971 American horror film Willard) then went outside to vomit.

The uglo girl’s older brother was wearing a hockey jersey number sweater for a hockey team and a hockey player that Pan Goatee didn’t like so he beheaded him as well.

He then tried to enjoy the rest of his pizza but then a whole bunch of ugly looking school girls (who looked like they were auditioning for a remake of that horrible early 2010s sit com Ugly Betty which should have been advertised as a horror film called Night of The Aesthetically Challenged Living Dead) entered the food court.

“What the Hell is happening to our public school system?” Goatee expressed the earnest anguish of a concerned citizen and public school system taxpayer as he beheaded the hideously repulsive young uglos, “I blame John Dewey the father of so-called progressive education for this. Since he advocated throwing out the teaching of history, these uglos have no knowledge of the culture of the ancient Greeks where beauty was all important. Because beauty is certainly not important to these young degenerates.”

Rats then came and ate the uglos’ remains and vomited en masse outside.

Goatee then went outside where some idiot with horrendously lousy taste in music seemed quite anxious to share his lousy taste in music with the rest of the world by playing it at full blast on his car loud speaker.

Goatee beheaded the musical Philistine in a dramatic re-enactment of David beheading the original Philistine Goliath after the giant fell to earth over the young shepherd boy’s sling and stone throwing talents.

Goatee put the musical Philistine’s head on a sign at a nearby McDonald’s drive-through adding a surprise feature to the intercom voice that posed the question, “May I take your order please?”.

. . .

“May I take your order please?” The representative of Gilead Sciences Inc. asked the representative from the People’s Liberation Army Biological Warfare Unit in Wuhan, China.

The PLA member pulled out his gun and blew the Gilead Sciences sales representative to kingdom come.

On Thursday February 6th 2020, the Wuhan Institute of Virology announced that they had applied for a Chinese patent on Gilead’s Remdesevir for treating the novel coronavirus (2019- nCoV) that originated in Wuhan China in late 2019.

Gilead Sciences is a research-based biopharmaceutical company that was started 33 years ago in 1987 and has its international headquarters in Foster City, California.

Among its major investors had been Donald Rumsfeld (who was later to serve as Secretary of Defence under U.S. President George W. Bush).

Gilead is a curious name for a biopharmaceutical company.

For in the Bible in Jeremiah Chapter 8 verse 22, the question is posed, “Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there?” and the response is in Jeremiah Chapter 46, verses 2 and 11, “This is the message of The Lord against the Pharaoh Neco… Go up to Gilead and get balm, oh Virgin Daughter of Egypt, but you multiply remedies in vain; here is no healing for you.”

Jeremiah Chapter 22 verse 6 where God calls the house of Judah by the name Gilead, He says, “yet surely I will make thee a wilderness and cities which are not inhabited.”

Today the city of Wuhan China a city of 11 million people (that’s 2 million more in population than the city of New York) looks like a virtual ghost town being in lockdown over the coronavirus.

Why would a biopharmaceutical company call itself Gilead when the Bible says, “There is no balm in Gilead. There is no healing in Gilead.” ?

There is an 1854 hymn by Washington Glass called The Sinner’s Cure which says, “There is balm in Gilead, to make the wounded whole” but that was due to a misinterpretation of an earlier hymn by John Newton in 1779 which actually referred to Jesus as a healing balm not Gilead.

Biblically speaking, there is no healing balm in Gilead.

. . .

Cthulhu rises
The coronavirus comes
Death rides a pale horse

. . .

-A vampire novel chapter
and a haiku 
written by Christopher
Saturday February 8th
2020.

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