Renfield Discusses Lukashenko and U.S. Democratic Party Convention

August 17, 2020 at 11:06 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was having a video conversation via Skype with his friend Amadeus Emanon who was currently in Australia.

Behind Renfield and a little to the left was a London police bobby who was struggling in an Egyptian mummy style plastic bondage suit (that Renfield had borrowed from world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes).

The bobby had made the mistake of asking Renfield why he wasn’t wearing a mandatory face mask (like the rest of the UK’s slave population) and was about to write him a ticket for it.

Now the bobby’s most pressing concern was how to get out of the Egyptian mummy style plastic bondage suit.

“I’m starting to think that maybe I shouldn’t have hired the Countess Draculina to beat the Hell out of Belarusian President Aleksandr Lukashenko,” Renfield ate a tuna fish sandwich.

“Why’s that?” Amadeus ate his teriyaki fried rice.

“Well a friend of mine who’s a writer of romance novels commented on the blog of a friend of mine who’s a geopolitical analyst that maybe Lukashenko enjoyed being beaten up by Countess Draculina,” Renfield sipped his sage tea, “I never considered that possibility.”

“Your London bobby friend doesn’t seem to be enjoying that bondage suit he’s wrapped up in,” Amadeus pointed.

“No, he doesn’t,” Renfield briefly glanced over at the bobby before adding a little gin to his sage tea, “You know what the really interesting thing is that back in the 1990s and early 2000s, the Western news media used to refer to Aleksandr Lukashenko as Eastern Europe’s last Stalinist style leader and dictator. Then in the 2010s, they stopped doing that. And now as Lukashenko stands on the precipice of being overthrown by his own people, there’s no mention in the Western news media of how Lukashenko is Eastern Europe’s last Stalinist totalitarian leader.”

“I wonder why that is,” Amadeus started eating his lime sherbet dessert.

“I suspect it’s because the Western news media has become so infected by the virus of Cultural Marxism that they’ve come down with a bad case of Neo-Stalinist pneumonia themselves and are too stupid to realize it,” Renfield answered.

“Wow,” Amadeus opened up his fortune cookie.

“There’s a Belarusian state TV presenter Tatyana Borodkina who hosted the morning show Breakfast For 3 where she would prepare breakfast recipes helped out by her two daughters. But last week she announced her resignation from the program on Facebook because she could “no longer smile out from the TV screen” after this blatantly rigged election. She has since had to flee the country along with her children after receiving threats,” Renfield noted.

Belarusian TV presenter Tatyana Borodkina with her two daughters

“That’s very sad,” Amadeus put down his fortune cookie message that told him to beware of elderly Australian drag queens who wanted to be called Uncle as you sat on his knee.

“Apparently after posting her feelings on social media, an old acquaintance showed up at the popular STV presenter’s door and threatened her. He told Tatyana that Belarus was a wonderful country to live in and asked what she thought she was doing. He told Tatyana that he was warning her nicely but that other people would be coming to her house tomorrow. She then received anonymous threatening messages on her phone that night. So the next day, she packed up and fled to Kiev Ukraine with her children,” Renfield explained.

“That’s awful,” Amadeus put aside the 1000 Year Old Egg that the restaurant proprieter Mr. Inn Lu had brought him.

“It’s rather interesting that the way Lukashenko’s Stalinist state thugs are threatening opponents is being conducted in much the same manner as the anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans of Antifa and BLM are threatening and intimidating anyone they fancy disagrees with them. Prior to the death of George Floyd, most people thought that BLM stands for Black Lives Matter. Now after the death of George Floyd, the intelligent observer now notes that BLM really stands for Burn Loot Murder as they riot and vandalize and commit acts of arson and murder people in what the mainstream U.S. media unashamedly call “peaceful protests”. The combination of severely acute Cultural Marxist virus infection and subsequent Neo-Stalinist pneumonia on the part of the U.S. news media has produced a condition that most forensic coroners call “rigor mortis of the brain”. Sadly there is no known cure.”

“Awful,” Amadeus started to sip his chocolate milkshake.

“I want you to look at an ad Joe Biden is currently running at the U.S. Democratic Virtual Presidential Convention,” Renfield put the video on the screen.

The ad concludes with the words “In Joe Biden’s America, this is your new normal… forced testing, forced masking, forced unemployment, forced vaccinations.”

Amadeus was shocked, “This is the ad that Joe Biden’s team is putting out? As if all that was something positive and worth voting for?”.

“I was informed there was an ad that the Joe Biden Campaign Team had put out that Donald Trump could also use and show on TV for his own advantage,” Renfield explained, “I assume this is the ad unless there’s a worse one than this one out there. I think Biden’s campaign team has spent too much time down in Joe’s basement inhaling smoke from Uncle Joe’s pot smoking desert cactus plant.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday August 17th
2020.

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Countess Draculina Beats Up Alexander Lukashenko

August 16, 2020 at 10:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Belarussian President Alexander Lukashenko sat at his desk completely baffled.

People were actually protesting against his benevolent and beneficent rule with which he had been governing the country for the past 26 years.

Since 1994 he had been Belarus’ “Great and Beloved Leader” (his own humble description of himself).

Last Sunday he had been re-elected in a “landslide victory”.

His own handpicked Central Election Commission said he had won with 80.1% of the vote while his closest opponent Svetlana Tikhanovskaya had won a mere 10.12% of the vote.

Yet his opponent Miss Tikhanovskaya had the nerve to accuse him of cheating and rigging the results.

How dare she?

Why the ghost of the late Chicago Democratic Party Mayor Richard J. Daley had been released from Tartarus in the realm of Hades at Lukashenko’s request to oversee the distribution and counting of ballots.

Were they going to accuse a leading U.S. Democratic Party politician like Mayor Daley of vote fraud and rigging elections?

His opponent Svetlana Tikhanovskaya had fled to Lithuania this past Monday after having been detained for several hours for daring to dispute the election results.

Why to top it all off, he President Lukashenko had to pay his riot police overtime for tear gassing and cracking the heads of protestors for protesting and disputing the election results.

He had also had to pay his security forces overtime for arresting, detaining and torturing protestors (and other people who just happened to be on the street at that time).

This had been a bad week for him, Lukashenko thought as he emptied a bottle of vodka all by himself, in what should have been an otherwise celebratory occasion.

The Belarussian President turned on the television.

His satellite television dish picked up RTE which was Ireland’s national public television and radio broadcaster.

“Yesterday a cow was seen emerging from the sea at County Donegal’s Bunbeg Beach,” the RTE announcer noted as video of the incident was played in the background, “We sent our reporter Guinness O’ Murphy to investigate”.

Guinness O’ Murphy appeared with a glass of Guinness hanging from one ear and a glass of Murphy’s hanging from the other.

Said Guinness O’ Murphy, “I talked to Yaldabaoth the famous Irish leprechaun who explained the mystery of why the cow emerged from the sea.”

“Daisy was stoned out of her mind, she was,” Yaldabaoth noted as he calmly smoked his wee pipe, “She had stolen a marijuana smoking cactus plant from the estate of the U-2 singer Bono yesterday and spent three hours inhaling the smoke that the wee cactus exhaled. When she finished, she jumped into the sea. I followed her but ever since I froze my arse off swimming across the Bering Strait from Siberia to Alaska, my swimming skills are not what they used to be. She emerged from the sea startling a whole bunch of bystanders and onlookers here on Donegal’s Bunbeg Beach. So Donegal has now gone from the Fighting Prince of Donegal to the Swimming Cow of Donegal. Disney should really make a movie about this.”

“How weird can you get,” Lukashenko thought to himself as he turned off the TV and turned on his smart phone GPS app so he could find his way back to his bedroom.

Lukashenko’s GPS app led him to the Presidential Palace’s crypt instead of his bedroom and standing outside the crypt was the vampiress Countess Draculina who was the daughter of Count Dracula:

“Who are you and what are you doing?” Lukashenko demanded to know.

“I’m Countess Draculina and I’m here to beat you up,” Draculina answered.

She then beat the living daylights out of Lukashenko.

And as night fell over Lukashenko, she flew out into the night.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 16th
2020.

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Countess Draculina, Justin, A Gender Confused Wombat and A Pot Smoking Walrus

February 24, 2020 at 11:09 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Countess Draculina, Justin, A Gender Confused Wombat and A Pot Smoking Walrus

Justin entered the mirror.

And felt the wet sand under his feet.

What happened to his shoes and socks he wondered?

The Basilides gnostic god Abraxas had them on his two feet (which were heads of serpents) in another dimension.

Walking through two inter-dimensional portal mirrors on the same night can cause stuff to go missing.

Which was always the noted Australian entertainer Uncle Ernie’s explanation whenever his g-string style jock strap fell off while he was on the stage in his drag queen show and the audience could see what he had (or lack thereof!).

Justin looked at the vampiress who stood before him.

“A little bird tells me that you’re the Countess Draculina the daughter of Count Dracula,” Justin spoke with his usual meandering manner of speaking.

Countess Draculina leaned forward and shouted “Boo!”.

The little hummingbird on Justin’s shoulder flew away.

“I didn’t know there was a full moon tonight,” Justin looked at the full moon and the Scottish castle behind Countess Draculina.

“That is an illusion,” Draculina laughed, “caused by a great searchlight (invented by Nikola Tesla) casting its full moon signal into the air.”

“Will signs and wonders never cease?” Justin used a fine tooth comb to remove gray hairs from his hair.

“Those signs and wonders will soon increase and increase,” Draculina licked the blood off her lips just as an Australian wombat (who was actually Uncle Ernie shapeshifting from another dimension) crawled up and licked the blood off her breasts atop her low-cut gothic attire mini dress.

“And what is the purpose of all these signs and wonders?” Justin asked as he inhaled pot smoke that was being exhaled by a pot smoking Arctic walrus that had just crawled on to the shore from the sea.

The ghost of John Lennon appeared on one of the high towers of the distant Scottish castle and began singing a paraphrased version of one of his old hits, “Imagine all the people worshipping the Antichrist… someday you’ll join us and the world will be as one.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Monday February 24th
2020.

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Inside Magical Mystery Tour

February 23, 2020 at 11:36 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Inside Magical Mystery Tour 

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was inside his greenhouse.

He was staring at the late Victorian/early Edwardian era antique mirror that stood in the place where his pot smoking and cannabis exhaling desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever had once stood.

A mirror that reflected neither Justin’s image nor the area of the greenhouse around him.

For within its glass was the image of a closed rare and used book store at the intersection of a dark alley and desolate London street at night.

“Where’s my pot smoking cactus plant?” Justin asked, “I thought I was getting a pot smoking cactus plant called Magical Mystery Tour?”.

“Enter the mirror, stupid,” a voice from the bookshop inside the mirror spoke.

“Did you just tell me to enter the mirror?” Justin asked.

“Brilliant deduction,” the voice answered.

Justin walked into the mirror and found himself standing at the corner of desolate street and dark alley in London.

The only thing within his sight was the closed used book store.

Mist which smelled a lot like pot smoke filled the dark London street.

He decided to try to open the door of the closed book store that was called Tezcatlipoca’s Antiquarium and Rare Books.

Sure enough the door opened and a bell above the door rang indicating a customer was entering the shop.

The old shop owner who was a skeleton covered in cob webs looked up from the cob web and dust covered book he was reading called The Brothers Grimm Grimoire.

He got up to greet Justin and his skull fell off.

Whereupon the rest of his bones fell apart as well.

A volume called Old Yale University Alumni fell off one of the book shelves and landed on top of the skull and bones.

Justin walked to the back of the bookstore where he saw a pot of coffee brewing.

The pot of coffee was next to an antique mirror (much like the one in Justin’s greenhouse) except this mirror reflected the book shelves round about as well as Justin’s own image.

A bony finger emerged from inside the mirror and pointed at the coffee pot and an old ceramic cup bearing the image of what looked to be an old Aztec deity.

“Take and drink,” a voice inside the mirror commanded.

Justin poured himself a cup of coffee.

He added cream that he poured from a small statue of the Egyptian cow goddess Hathor.

He added sugar from packets of sugar marked Uncle Ernie’s Sugar Free Sugar that had the inscription at the back Aleister Crowley approved.

He used a skull insignia emblazoned spoon to stir the concoction.

He drank.

Justin then looked at the mirror and saw this image:

Countess Draculina in front of a castle on the West Coast of Scotland

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday February 23rd
2020.

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Dracul and Draculina and Athena

June 23, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Draculina and Athena

After Dracul Van Helsing went to the TV studio where the Countess Draculina had been broadcasting, he let her know that her father Dracula was back from the dead and was now one of the living Undead again.

The old Transylvanian Count and Wallachian Prince had been in Syria fighting alongside the Kurds against invading Turkish forces.

Now he was wandering the streets of Istanbul along with the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem.

They were campaigning for opposition political parties running against megalomaniac President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and his Islamist party which were intent on restoring the Ottoman Empire.

Both the Presidential and Parliamentary elections were being held tomorrow in Turkey.

Now on this Saturday night, the trio were taking a break from campaigning and were enjoying a dinner of lahmacun and drinking Turkish coffee in an Istanbul cafe while they watched a wrestling match going on outside in the street between Cerberus the 3 headed dog of The Underworld and the ghost of Saddam Hussein.

Saddam’s ghost lost.

His ghostly arms and legs had been bitten off by Cerberus’ 3 heads.

Cerberus belched 3 times- one for each head.

The 3 Furies (aka the Erinyes aka the Eumenides) showed up in leather skirted dominatrix outfits and driving a combination black hearse and ambulance.

They picked up the howling Saddam and his separated limbs and stuck them in the back of the hearse/ambulance and headed back to the Underworld of Hades.

“You don’t see that everyday,” Dracula remarked to Theodora and the Controller of the Golem.

Coincidentally Draculina said the same thing to Dracul Van Helsing as she orgasmed for the umpteenth time as the vampire hunter gave her a lesson in tantric sex from the Kama Sutra.

Dracul and the vampiress weather forecaster were back in Dracul’s room in the old Carpathian Mountain inn.

A horse and carriage then showed up at the inn to drive Draculina to Bucharest Airport where she’d catch the evening flight from Bucharest to Istanbul.

“I’ve been to Istanbul before you know,” Draculina remarked as she put her dress back on, “my mother was Turkish you know.”

“I didn’t know that,” Dracul adjusted his tie, “so your father was a Wallachian Prince who’s best known in history for impaling Turks and yet your mother was Turkish.”

“Yes but he impaled her with flesh and not wood,” Draculina put on her pantyhose, “and that instrument gave her pleasure unlike the stakes my father used on the Turkish warriors.”

“I understand the same could not be said for Isis and Osiris on the night they conjugally conceived Horus since Isis couldn’t find Osiris’ phallus after Set had cut him up into 14 pieces and so they were forced to use a phallus made of wood,” Dracul reflected aloud.

“Ouch,” Draculina winced.

“No wonder they’re always showing the Eye of Horus everywhere,” Dracul noted, “what is mistaken for Illuminati symbolism is actually the Egyptian deity advertising for a good ophthalmologist somewhere who can actually get the splinters out of his eye.”

Meanwhile in Damascus, Syria, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad received a phone call on his Hermes Trismegistus smart phone.

“Yes, I did study ophthalmology in London,” Bashar replied to the caller’s question.

“Splinters eh?” Bashar took notes.

In another one of the palace rooms, the head of the Syrian Orthodox Church was chanting the Gospel passage of the day for a small group of Christians who worked in the palace – “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

“How’s your name spelled?” Bashar asked, “Horus? Would that be like the Egyptian god? It would. Well if you can drop around the palace tomorrow…”

After the coach and horse had picked up Draculina, Dracul went for a walk in the woods near the Inn.

There he came across the Greek goddess Athena looking pensive.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 23rd
2018.

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