The Elk From CERN On His Dark Throne

June 3, 2020 at 10:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Science, Sorcery, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Elk From CERN On His Dark Throne

Bill Gates was sitting on the couch blubbering away like a baby when his wife Melinda walked in.

“Bill, what’s wrong?” Melinda asked her husband as she poured herself a glass of champagne and opened up a tin of caviar.

“British MP Renfield R. Renfield said in a TV interview last night that I wasn’t cool enough to be the Antichrist,” Tears came down Gates’ cheeks like Niagara Falls, “He said that I was too bland and boring. And after all those billions I’ve spent trying to develop a vaccine that will be able to physically trace and track people – a digital identity card much like the Mark of the Beast system prophesied in the Book of Revelation Chapter 13. And then Renfield tells people that I’m not cool enough to be the Antichrist.”

“Well dear,” Melinda checked her text messages on her smart phone for half an hour and then went over and kissed him, “If it’s any consolation, I think you’re cool enough to be the Antichrist.”

“But Renfield said I wasn’t,” Bill Gates continued to blubber like a whale who was full of it, “And if Renfield said I was cool enough to be the Antichrist, then I really would be.”

“What about my opinion?” Melinda was furious, “Are you saying it’s only worth chopped liver?”.

“Speaking of chopped liver,” Gates started to wipe his glasses with a handkerchief, “Did you remember to pick up some Whiskas for the cat?”.

“You!” Melinda stormed off to the bedroom and slammed the door.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was reading a report on his desk.

Apparently according to the report, the demons Baal and Baphomet had gone to the home of Dr. Anders Tegnell (who was Sweden’s chief epidemiologist) last night and had threatened him.

Dr. Tegnell was the man responsible for Sweden’s controversial decision not to impose a strict lockdown that the rest of the world had done along Stalinist-Maoist lines.

Dr. Tegnell had predicted a couple of months ago that the London models (developed by a research team in London England) showing the number of deaths that would occur due to Covid-19 were far too high a projection.

The epidemiologist said at the time that the number of deaths in Sweden due to Covid-19 would be around 4,000 the same number that usually occurs in the case of a normal flu season and there was no need to move to a total lockdown for the country.

Indeed the number of deaths for Sweden turned out to be 4,542 at this time (quite close to the number Dr. Anders Tegnell had originally predicted a couple of months ago).

While the London models (which the rest of the world’s medical experts had blindly accepted and followed) had far overestimated the number of deaths.

Dr. Anders Tegnell’s moderate approach had fitted in with the numbers he originally projected.

And yet today at a press conference, Dr. Anders Tegnell said that there were far too many deaths in the country.

Had Baal and Baphomet pressured him to attack his own approach?

. . .

Dr. Marmalade Montague (the former Paris baker who now fancied himself the Court Scientist to the Court of Louis Quatorze and a time traveler from that Sun King era) had flown to Rome Italy in the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s environmentally friendly dirigible airship. 

He had gone down to visit Rome’s catacombs.

And as he was walking in one catacomb just below the Vatican, he was startled to see the demons Baal and Baphomet kneeling before an elk seated on a midnight dark black throne.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 3rd
2020.

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Marmalade Montague Encounters Dahud

May 16, 2020 at 10:50 pm (Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Marmalade Montague Encounters Dahud

Dr. Marmalade Montague, the eccentric ex-baker who now fancied himself the Court Scientist To The Court of Louis Quatorze (a scientist whose name has never appeared once in the annals of history) and thought he had somehow time traveled to the year 2020, was hard at work this Saturday night in his small personal laboratory at Set Enterprises in Canary Wharf, London.

Marmalade Montague had become convinced that the reason he had been transported through time from the Sun King’s reign to this year of 2020 was to find a vaccine or antidote to the Covid-19 Coronavirus.

He had been hired by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher earlier this month.

Marmalade was oblivious to the fact that Dr. Cadbury Rocher had hired him not because of his supposed alchemy and transmutation of metals skills (which the self-declared “Doctor” Montague had boasted about) but because Dr. Cadbury Rocher had felt sorry for him- a baker who had lost his bakery due to lack of payment of rent due to his bakery being forced to shut down during the Paris lockdown.

Dr. Montague worked quite contentedly on his many recipes for developing an antidote to the Coronavirus.

One was a combination of thousand year old egg (considered a delicacy by members of the Chinese Communist Party Central Committee but by nobody else in the world who had even an ounce of sanity) and horse radish.

That combination was sent to some members of the EU negotiating committee (who were negotiating the UK’s withdrawal from the EU on behalf of the EU).

Later after job advertisements were posted for new negotiators for the EU negotiation team as well as funeral services being livestreamed for some recently departed EU members of that team, Dr. Montague deduced that the combination was not a success.

Dr. Montague decided to go for a walk with Set Enterprises’ panda bear named Genghis Yawn.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher had built a greenhouse at the Set Enterprises’ facility where the bamboo grown in it tasted as fresh and as good as those grown in China itself.

Being a Set Enterprises’ employee, Dr. Marmalade Montague had ID allowing him to walk the streets of London.

As did Set Enterprises’ security guard Gibson who accompanied Marmalade and the panda bear Genghis Yawn on the walk.

Gibson’s purpose was to roll the wheelbarrow full of bamboo leaves, stems and shoots down the street so that Genghis Yawn would have something to eat (for panda bears eat up to 90 lbs. of bamboo a day).

Of course Genghis Yawn didn’t really like to exercise while eating so Dr. Marmalade Montague didn’t get much of an evening walk.

First Genghis would sit down and eat his bamboo.

Then after eating all that bamboo, Genghis would then sleep.

So in fact, Dr. Montague didn’t get any walking done at all.

Genghis was wheeled home in the empty wheelbarrow (now empty of bamboo leaves, stems and shoots) as he slept.

Dr. Marmalade Montague went to his office (next to his lab) where he was starting to feel tired himself as watching Genghis Yawn sleep had made him feel sleepy.

As Dr. Marmalade Montague put his head back on his couch, a beautiful looking short skirted redhead entered through his office window.

“Bonjour, Monsieur. You are single, oui?” The redhead spoke with a French accent.

“Oui, I am, mademoiselle,” Dr. Montague smiled, “I am a widow. My wife was killed in a paratrooper parachuting accident in the Sahara Desert after she had joined the French Foreign Legion upon leaving me. Her last words to me as she went out the door of our apartment were, “I’d rather die than be married to you any longer.” I really didn’t expect her words to be so literal but that turned out to be the case.”

Dahud (for that was the sexy young looking French redhead’s name) pushed Dr. Marmalade Montague back onto the couch and started kissing him passionately on the lips.

At that moment London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering For Set Enterprises entered the room carrying a large Crucifix in her hands.

“Merde!” Dahud exclaimed as she got off the couch.

“Merde!” Dr. Marmalade Montague exclaimed as Dahud went out the office window.

“I came in the nick of time,” Sherrielock stated.

“I’ll have to disagree,” Marmalade Montague sighed, “Where did you get that Crucifix?”.

“It was leant to me by a friend,” Sherrielock explained, “It’s 70 years old and was personally blessed by Pope Pius XII.”

“Well,” Dr. Marmalade Montague remarked wistfully as he watched the short skirted and sexy pantyhose clad redhead mount a fire breathing black horse instead of mounting him the ex-baker turned Louis Quatorze court scientist, “It’s too bad it hadn’t been a Crucifix blessed by Pope Francis. It might not have been so effective.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 16th
2020.

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Renfield Meets Marmalade Montague

May 7, 2020 at 10:59 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield Meets Marmalade Montague

Dr. Marmalade Montague the former Paris baker who now thought he was the Court Scientist to the Court of Louis Quatorze sat in an arm chair about 20 feet across from British MP Renfield R. Renfield in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

“So, you got caught in a time warp and ended up in Paris in the year 2020?” Renfield sipped his martini, “I’d ask for your money back from your time travel tour guide if I was you. You picked a rather shitty time to arrive in.”

“Still I may be able to find a possible vaccine for this Covid-19 virus,” Dr. Montague powdered his silver haired wig.

“Well, you’ve got a better chance at it than Bill Gates does,” Renfield had to admit.

“So, everything is under lockdown across the globe,” Dr. Montague looked at the globe of the world next to his chair which was currently in a vise held in the clenched mouth of a statue of the ancient Canaanite god Moloch.

“Yes, a certain variety of infectious diseases health expert is the very model of the current technocratic elite across the world,” Renfield explained, “Ever since Plato wrote his Republic, people in various fields of specialization thought of themselves as a particular age’s philosopher-kings. It varied from century to century. And decade to decade. This decade has started out with the infectious diseases health expert because of this Covid-19 virus.”

“From your tone of voice, I take it there are side effects to having this type of specialist as the world’s technocratic elite?” Dr. Montague inquired.

“The first side effect was to turn various elected officials across the world into instantaneous Fascists or Communists,” Renfield opened a Budweiser, “This is particularly true in the United States of America which has turned most of that nation’s Democratic Party leadership into raging Communist tyrants. Although that has always lain just beneath the surface of most Democratic Party politicians in the U.S. for the past 40 years. This pandemic has just brought that inherent Bolshevik or Menshivik plague deep within each U.S. Democrat to the surface. This spawn of Hell virus has only encouraged the likes of Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Virginia’s scumbag Governor Ralph Northam, California Gov. Gavin Newsom and New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio to embrace their Inner Josef Stalin and Inner Mao Tse-tung (to use Oprahesque New Age terminology) and arrest people for not wearing masks or arrest people for being Christians or Orthodox Jews. The innate militant atheist Bolshevism of most 21st Century U.S. Democrats is definitely coming to the surface there. City council in Kansas City, Missouri is demanding that churches hand over to City Hall the name and address of every person who attends a church service. It will soon become exceedingly difficult for anyone to be able to sing those Star-Spangled Banner lyrics “the land of the free” with a straight face.”

Athelstan (the butler and valet to Set) entered the living room wearing a World War I gas mask and announced that the guest bedroom had been turned into a Louis XIV era bedroom and was now ready for Dr. Marmalade Montague.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 7th
2020.

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The Inspector and The Baker’s Daughter

May 6, 2020 at 11:23 pm (Arts, Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, International Intrigue, Literature, Mystery, News, Poetry, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Inspector and The Baker’s Daughter


“Are you looking for something, Inspector?” The girl asked him.

A day began like any other for the Inspector
Yet no ordinary day 
These are no ordinary times
Covid-19 pandemic in world.

2 days ago police in Beijing
arrested a professor 
Chen Zhaozhi 
Former professor at the Beijing University of Science and Technology 
for calling Covid-19 
The Chinese Communist Party Virus

But Beijing’s arrest did not concern the French police detective 
What concerned the Paris police detective was a matter that concerned
The Paris Grand Orient Lodge
For British MP Renfield R. Renfield
had sent a confidential report today 
to a French and European politician
The Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI
The leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party 

French President Macron had ordered surveillance of the Kraken’s
emails and text messages
And today Renfield had sent the Kraken 
a confidential report 
which was said to be from Five Eyes
The joint intelligence service of the U.S., Canada, Australia, New Zealand and the United Kingdom
The report claimed that the Covid-19 virus
Was indeed a virus that had accidentally escaped from the Wuhan Institute of Virology

At an emergency meeting of the Grand Orient Lodge
Isis, Osiris and Horus 
demanded to know 
whether the Renfield report 
was an actual copy of a Five Eyes 
Intelligence Report 
or whether the whole report was a 
piece of Renfieldian disinformation
designed to prevent Emmanuel Macron 
from ordering take out deliveries of Chinese food in Paris

A person that the Paris Police Inspector 
thought might know
was Marmalade Montague
a baker and a man 
from whom the Kraken bought 
his croissant rolls and Chinese hot steamed buns 

The Paris inspector himself used to buy his cinnamon buns from Marmalade Montague
Montague had recently been thrown out of his bakery 
for lack of payment of rent
due to decline in business 
during the Paris Covid-19 lockdown 
However the inspector decided to visit Montague’s apartment 
Perhaps the baker still lived there
As the building’s landlord had died 
from the Covid-19 virus and his estate was still up in the air

The Inspector entered the apartment
As he passed by the kitchen, he noticed hot cinnamon buns lying on the counter
So the inspector stopped and ate one
He ended up eating all 6 dozen.

The Inspector received a text message on his smart phone 
saying that Marmalade Montague kept poison in his bathroom medicine cabinet.
He went to check out the medicine cabinet 
The bathroom door was still open 
And that’s when the Inspector noticed Marmalade Montague’s lovely daughter Irene
sitting in a chair 
in a corner of the living room 

“Are you looking for something, Inspector?” The girl asked him.

“I was told your father kept poison in his medicine cabinet,” the inspector replied.
“He did but it’s no longer there,” Irene told him.
“Where is it?” The inspector asked.
“I added it to my dad’s recipe for his famous cinnamon buns that I left on the kitchen counter,” Irene answered.

The Inspector never did show up to that evening’s non-social distancing meeting of the Grand Orient Lodge.
A copy of Edgar Allan Poe’s short story Murders In The Rue Morgue was sent to the meeting
with a notation on the page 
before the title page 
that this was where the Inspector was to be found.

-A narrative poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 6th
2020.

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Dark Shadows and Fatal Visions Sensible To Feelings and To Sight

May 5, 2020 at 10:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Dark Shadows and Fatal Visions Sensible To Feelings and To Sight

Corey Johnson the Speaker of the New York City Council was having a wet dream where he was being sodomized by the demon Baphomet.

Waking up with a frenzic smile on his face, he tweeted a denouncement of Rev. Franklin Graham’s Samaritan’s Purse organization saying they should take down their Covid-19 Emergency Field Tent Hospital and get to Hell out of New York State.

Hours later, Johnson had a dream where his eyes were being pecked out by ravens.

Serving demons and participating in abominations always can have its drawbacks.

Johnson was discovering this the hard way as he woke up screaming.

. . .

French President Emmanuel Macron was having a dream where he was staring at Vincent Van Gogh’s painting of a farm field overrun by crows.

Suddenly the crows flew out of the painting and started attacking Macron.

The French President woke up in the arms of a cougar.

. . .

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was in his office at Set Enterprises examining some of the recent data on pandemic dreams- strange dreams that many people were having in this time of the Covid-19 pandemic.

Miranda Singh knocked on his door.

“Dr. Rocher,” Miranda Singh stood some six feet away to keep in line with UK social distancing rules which were constantly changing and being updated every 5 minutes, “there’s some man outside the laboratory premises dressed in Louis XIV era clothing who says his name is Dr. Marmalade Montague and that he’s the Court Scientist to the Court of Louis Quatorze. He’s standing in front of one of those hot air balloons. Claims he flew across the Channel from France to England in it to avoid being murdered by the Grand Orient Lodge of Paris. He’s seeking employment here at Set Enterprises wishing to work in the company’s Covid-19 Vaccine Development Program.”

“All right,” Dr. Rocher put on his PPE Darth Vader mask and suit, “I’ll see him. What is it about pandemics that seems to bring all the nuts out?”.

. . .

The Egyptian jackal headed god Anubis (son of Set and Nephthys) was being held a prisoner in the catacombs of Paris.

He was being continuously stung by Asian green hornets (who had also recently arrived on North America’s West Coast and who were now decapitating and devouring honeybees and feeding them to their young).

If Anubis hadn’t been immortal, he’d have been dead already.

His captor was a giant 50 foot long snake who had the head of a hawk.

The hawk headed giant snake fed on dogs and cats as it watched Anubis’ torture.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Tuesday May 5th
2020

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Origins of May The Fourth

May 4, 2020 at 10:00 pm (Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Movies, Mystery, News, Science-Fiction, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Origins of May The Fourth

Back in the mid-1970s as George Lucas was holding auditions for the voice of Darth Vader for his upcoming Star Wars motion picture, among those auditioning for the voice role were writer and actor Truman Capote.

This was the line all audition participants were to speak when auditioning for the Darth Vader voice role, “May the Force be with you.”

Then it came Truman Capote’s turn to audition.

Truman Capote (speaking with his usual fruity lisp): May the fourth be with you.

Thinking that for a galactic villain whose voice was supposed to send chills down audience spines and make their blood run cold, the makers of Star Wars settled for the deep baritone voice of James Earl Jones instead.

However back in the early 2000s, an Australian with the popular nickname of Uncle Ernie found the Truman Capote audition video tape in an old Star Wars lunch box he found in some old cupboards in his backyard unregulated and illegal pharmaceutical manufacturing lab.

And a legend was born.

Since that time, May the Fourth became known as International Star Wars Day.

As May the Force Be With You became Truman Capote’s immortal May the Fourth Be With You.

. . .

“Beam me up, Scotty,” William Shatner spoke to his AI automated dispenser of his favourite brand of toilet paper as he sat on his starship throne.

. . .

Meanwhile in the catacombs of Paris, Marmalade Montague the eccentric former baker who had recently proclaimed himself Court Scientist to the Court of Louis Quatorze overheard a plot by a group of Grand Orient Lodge Freemasons to turn Notre Dame Cathedral into a New Age Freemasonic Temple.

Said the Grand Orient Lodge master, “I’ve been told by the Divine Falcon Headed Human Body Hybrid Horus himself that a world altering miracle will happen this coming May 14th.”

“That’s the same day Pope Francis told all the religions of the world to pray together isn’t it?” the Lodge secretary inquired.

“It is,” the Grand Orient Lodge master answered.

Marmalade Montague decided he better exit the catacombs before his presence was noted.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 4th 
2020.


The Greek goddess Aphrodite pointing downwards at a snake slithering along the floor of one of the Vatican Museum halls.

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Marmalade Montague: Birth of A Legend

April 21, 2020 at 10:04 pm (Comedy, Entertainment, Folklore, Humour, News, Poetry, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Marmalade Montague: Birth of A Legend

In a bakery in Paris 
were posters of the mummy Kharis
Who appeared in 1940s mummy movies 
“Cause Imhotep wasn’t of the jazz Swing era groovies”

The bakery was owned by Marmalade Montague 
At the end of the street or in French “la rue”

Marmalade was an eccentric gent 
And because of the Covid-19 lockdown couldn’t pay the rent 
So into the gutter he was thrown
Getting up, he made a moan 

Inside Marmalade something snapped
opening up a genius untapped 
So into the Paris catacombs he descended 
and ran past ancient pipes all upended 
When he emerged again 
he carried a hen
and wore a silver wig
while his lips munched upon a fig

He was dressed from head to toe in Louis XIV era attire
So it was a good thing that his pants weren’t on fire 
He proclaimed to empty streets 
devoid of all and no words of greets
“I am Marmalade Montague court scientist to the Court of Louis Quatorze”
“So I say to you, Paris, open your doors”

But no doors opened and Marmalade Montague went back to the catacombs 
A world of poor reception for many smart phones 
For Marmalade Montague had gone mad
If he had any friends, they might have felt sad 
But as it was Marmalade had gone from good to bad.

And on this April day a legend was born 
In a world that was by a virus torn
No Sacrifice of the Mass was being said 
Masons hoped to make of Notre Dame a temple of lead
And in Rome, the ex-Vicar of Christ was flaming Bolshevik red 

Marmalade Montague had ceased to be a baker 
In his mind he had become a Louis Quatorze court alchemist faker 
And the world would never again be the same
Although the mainstream media would continue to be lame.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 21st 2020.

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