The Apocalypse Zombies

January 15, 2014 at 8:06 pm (Commentary, Humour, Poetry, Satire, Songs) (, , , , , , , )

The Apocalypse Zombies

(to be sung to the tune of the World War II song The D-Day Dodgers and the World War I song Lili Marlene)

We’re the Apocalypse Zombies of modern history
first made popular in horror flicks as corny as can be
We like to eat people’s brains out
When we roam about
We walked the Halls of Congress but found nothing there
saved shocked Congressmen in their underwear
So we headed across the country in our walkabout
California was as barren as a bear’s stream devoid of trout
we searched for a place we thought would hit the spot
but the state of Colorado had totally gone to pot
We stumbled on the set of a reality TV show
and finding junk food there decided we would go
so we shuffled across this land on our bony feet
with eyes that looked totally deadbeat
We checked Facebook statuses looking for a bite
but all we read were people who ought to fly a kite
And the Twitter tweets were even worse
devoid of verse- a brainless curse
And so we died of hunger
falling like dead junker
because no brains could we find
living man was not kind
It was truly a zombie apocalypse
because no brains would pass our lips
and now we lie buried again under grass
Zombie apocalypse truly come to pass.

-A satirical song written by Christopher
Wednesday January 15th
2014.

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The Twitter Flasher of New York City

June 6, 2011 at 7:12 pm (Commentary, Satire) (, , , , , , , , , , )

After I saw Rep. Anthony Weiner’s pitiful announcement and press conference on CNN today, the thought came to me to write a satirical song about the whole sordid mess.

And the lyrics that were entering my mind as I watched this press conference were to the tune of an old World War II song The D-Day Dodgers.

During World War II, a story surfaced that British Member of Parliament Lady Astor said that the British troops who were fighting in the Invasion of Italy were enjoying a paid holiday and not making the same heroic sacrifices that the Allied soldiers were making on the beaches of Normandy during D-Day and afterwards.

In fact the Allied invasion of Italy was a very bloody campaign and some British soldier took it upon himself to write a reply to Lady Astor in song- a song that became known to history as The D-Day Dodgers.

The tune of the D-Day Dodgers itself came from an earlier World War I song Lily Marlene that was sung in the trenches of that great and terrible war.

Here are the lyrics to The D-Day Dodgers:

We’re the D-Day Dodgers, way off in Italy
Always on the vino, always on the spree,
Eighth Army scoungers and their tanks,
We live in Rome, among the Yanks,
We are the D-Day Dodgers, way out in Italy
We are the D-Day Dodgers, way out in Italy;
We landed in Salerno, a holiday with pay,
the Jerries brought the bands out to greet us on the way.
Showed us the sights and gave us tea,
We all sang songs, the beer was free
To welcome D-Day Dodgers to sunny Italy.

Naples and Casino were taken in our stride,
We didn’t want to fight there, we went just for the ride.
Anzio and Sangro were just names,
We only went to look for dames
The artful D-Day Dodgers, way out in Italy.

Dear Lady Astor, you think you’re mighty hot
Standing on the platform talking tommyrot.
You’re England’s sweetheart and her pride
We think your mouth’s too bleeding wide.
We are the D-Day Dodgers in sunny Italy,
Look around the mountains, in the mud and rain,
you’ll find the scattered crosses, some that have no name.
They are the D-Day Dodgers who stay in Italy.

Here’s a video of the song The D-Day Dodgers so you get an idea of the tune:

Here’s my satirical song The Twitter Flasher of New York City set to the tune of the song The D-Day Dodgers:

I’m the Twitter Flasher of dear New York Cit-ee
always with my weenie when I’m on my PC,
social media scounger with my many pranks
I schmooze in DC- capital of the Yanks
I’m the Twitter Flasher from New York Cit-ee
I’m the Twitter Flasher letting it hang out in DC.
I sent a message on Twitter- a jolly site today
I pulled my Jerry down to greet her this special way.
Showed her the sights before I had to pee
I didn’t realize I’d sent it for everyone to see
so I claimed a hacker hacked in from some unknown point B.

Facebook and Twitter I just took in my stride
all I wanted was to give my jolly a jolly good ride
Miss X and Lady Y were just simply names
I only went FB’ing just to look for dames.
I’m the artful Flasher in NY and DC.

Dear Andrew Breitbart, you think you’re mighty hot
Standing in the blogosphere talking tommy rot
but when it comes to shortcomings, you’ve shown
the world nothing to what I’ve got.
I’m the Twitter Flasher of New York Cit-ee
Look around the cyberlandscape amid the sleeze and the pain
you’ll find the scattered hearts, some that have no name
cause I’m the Twitter Flasher of New York Cit-ee.

-A satirical song written by Christopher Van Helsing
Monday evening June 6th 2011
to be sung to the tune of The D-Day Dodgers.

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