Pan Goatee Beheads World’s Fattest and Ugliest Fat Ugly Blimp
Pan Goatee the down to earth and very much above water Jacques Cousteau of the early 21st Century: The environmentalist hero who punishes those who pollute the aesthetic environment of planet Earth
Even some of the greatest and mightiest demons of Hell cannot stand the sight of fat ugly blimps.
That is especially the case with the demon Asmodeus the demon of lust who’s mentioned in the Book of Tobit.
Asmodeus being a demon with exceptionally good taste (unlike the demons Baal, Baphomet, Mammon and Moloch) only lusted after beautiful women.
He certainly didn’t lust after ugly women.
And he especially didn’t lust after the ugliest of ugly women- fat ugly blimps (unlike Sheldon Cooper the brainless self-proclaimed genius with incredibly bad taste in women on The Big Bang Theory).
Thus after having gone off on a bender with his buddy Nimrod the little green frog in Reykjavik Iceland, the two had become separated.
Asmodeus to his huge misfortune had wound up in the City of Calgary- a city well known for its quite repulsively ugly women.
Especially many of the white women.
Calgary’s ugly white women certainly shot the Nazi and Ku Klux Klan theory of white supremacy all to Hell.
Nimrod the little green frog was far more lucky.
He wound up in the town of Moose Jaw Saskatchewan where he was currently sipping Mai Tais and Pina Coladas and relaxing in the waters of the Temple Gardens Mineral Health Spa and discussing Fox Mulder, The X-Files, Steve Martin and Burton Cummings with Japanese tourists.
Asmodeus suddenly found himself boarding a Calgary Transit bus.
As the cigarette smoking demon of lust told a reporter afterwards,
“After the world’s fattest and ugliest fat ugly blimp was so obnoxious and inconsiderate as to board a Calgary transit bus this afternon sickening people with the sheer repulsiveness of her fat ugly definitely facially aesthetically challenged face not to mention making it difficult for people to walk down the aisle to get by the fat cow as the fat cow took up the entire space of the bus aisle from one end to the other.
No doubt this fat uglo is single handedly responsible for all the shortages of groceries on Calgary’s store shelves rather than the Freedom Convoy truckers’ blockade on the Coutts Alberta/Sweetgrass Montana Canada U.S. border.”
The demon Asmodeus then went into cardiac arrest after seeing such a fat ugly blimp of a woman and had to be rushed to Peter Lougheed Hospital.
While there a Dr. Andrew Cuomo (who looked suspiciously like the former Governor of New York State) diagnosed Asmodeus with Covid and sent him to recover in Buckingham Palace in the same bedroom as Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
A gnome called Jarod Jerome Le Gnome (who served in the Last Days Army of Gnomes and Leprechauns being trained by Chiron the centaur) was so offended by the world’s fattest and ugliest fat ugly blimp not wearing a paper bag over her head when she went out in public that he punched the obese uglo in her fat ugly face 999 trillion times.
The finishing touches were administered by world famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee who beheaded the fat ugly blimp with his astral laser machete and then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Krampus the demon goat of Hell arrived on the scene who then carried the fat ugly blimp’s remains down to Tartarus in Hell.
All of Cerberus’ 3 heads started vomiting non-stop when Krampus walked by with ultra-fatso ultra-uglo’s remains.
Hades sent Cerberus up to Earth until he stopped vomiting.
Cerberus went to Justin Trudeau’s residence in Ottawa where the three heads continued to vomit.
In an effort to get Cerberus to leave, Justin Trudeau promised to revoke and drop the Emergencies Act.
Thus Cerberus and his three vomiting heads had managed to (at least temporarily) restore freedom and democracy to Canada.
. . .
The ghost of King Agamemnon of Mycenae was walking the streets of Kiev Ukraine.
Agamemnon’s ghost would be fighting on the side of the Russians should the Russians invade Kiev.
For the ghost of Prince Paris of Troy had come to possess the body of a human looking AI robot (invented by one of Elon Musk’s top scientists Tesla Thoth Merlin) and that Prince Paris possessed AI had kidnapped Russian President Vladimir Putin’s favourite mistress and brought her to Kiev.
Agamemnon had once again foolishly slain a deer sacred to Artemis as he walked in some woods not far from Kiev.
As such he must once again sacrifice his daughter Iphigenia this time in spirit form.
As such he had hired spirit cook Marina Abramovic to help him out on this one.
Clytemnestra was once again plotting the murder of her husband Agamemnon this time in the spirit realm.
Agamemnon’s daughter Electra was currently ghost writing a book called Daddy Dearest.
And Agamemnon’s son Prince Orestes was currently discussing healthy father/son relationships with Dr. Phil and the late Prince Hamlet of Denmark.
Meanwhile the ghost of Prince Hector of Troy was being brought in to fight on the Ukrainian side should the Russians invade Kiev.
The question that now loomed on everyone’s mind was, would the ghost of Achilles be brought in to fight on the side of the Russians?
As for the ghost of Achilles, he was sitting in a nightclub in Casablanca drowning his sorrows.
When suddenly a woman in a white dress and white hat walked in through the door.
“Why,” Achilles asked himself, “of all the gin joints in all the world did she have to walk into this one?”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 23rd
2022.
Athena Offers Four Peaches
Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom stood on an balcony in the Italian city of Syracuse.
Next to a table on which was placed an ancient marble bust of Alexander the Great.
In a dish was 4 peaches.
Lined up in front of Athena were the ghosts of 4 great world conquerers Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Caesar Augustus and Napoleon Bonaparte.
Athena picked up a peach and handed it to Alexander’s ghost.
Then she handed out the three other peaches to the three other world conquerers.
The demon Asmodeus and the little green frog Nimrod watched the spectacle.
“Do you think those ghosts will be able to eat physical peaches?” Nimrod asked Asmodeus.
Asmodeus lit a cigarette and shrugged.
. . .
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who had forgotten that he was supposed to be isolating for five days after the thrice-boostered Neo-Stalinist tyrant announced that he had come down with Covid having got a Covid test at 1 AM in the morning a couple of nights earlier, stood (it was a good thing he was standing after having his buttocks thoroughly tomatoed by London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes the night before) in front of the brainless mainstream media and announced, “These truckers in the convoy are descending on Ottawa to destroy democracy.”
Behind the Neo-Stalinist tyrant (who was only dressed in a pair of diapers) stood the ghosts of Lenin, Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Mao Tse-tung and baby Justin’s possible father Cuban dictator Fidel Castro.
The 5 ghosts applauded baby Justin as he spoke against the truckers.
Meanwhile at the front of the truck convoy, the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln and the great Metis general Gabriel Dumont were riding.
. . .
Many branches of Canada’s RCMP are rapidly becoming replicas of Heinrich Muller’s Gestapo and Lavrentiy Beria’s Stalinist NKVD.
The Hutterite colony of Winnipeg graciously offered to prepare a feast for all the B.C., Alberta and Saskatchewan truckers in the convoy arriving in Winnipeg a couple of days ago.
The meal was to be served at the Flying J truck stop in Winnipeg.
But the RCMP blocked all Flying J entrances and exits so the trucks and their drivers could not access the parking lot.
So the Hutterites drove 2.5 hours from Winnipeg Manitoba to Kenora Ontario (the next major truck stop) and served the food to all the truck convoy drivers there.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 28th
2022.
France’s Basilica of Saint-Denis Vandalized
The demon Asmodeus and the little green frog Nimrod were sitting in The Sherlock Holmes Pub in London eating salted peanuts and drinking beer.
The TV was tuned to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s podcast which was extremely popular with The Sherlock Holmes Pub patrons.
Renfield began his podcast wearing a Star of David badge that bore the inscription “I’m unvaccinated”.
The current Vaccinazi government of Germany in Berlin moved to charge Renfield with sedition even though he was a British subject and not a German citizen.
Renfield began,
“A massive-145 country study found that there was a sharp increase in Covid transmission and death after the so-called “vaccines” were introduced in those nations.
The 99-page study was titled “Worldwide Bayesian Casual Impact Analysis of Vaccine Administration On Deaths and Cases Associated With Covid-19: A Big Data Analysis of 145 Countries”.
In the U.S. specifically, it was found that the jab caused a whopping 38% more Covid cases per million and an even more astonishing 31% increase in Covid-deaths per million.
Meanwhile deranged medical bureaucrats, tyrannical politicians and the brainless mainstream media continue to push for everyone on the planet to be vaccinated.
Vaccinazi regimes across the world continue to push for vaccine mandates and compulsory mandatory vaccinations.
Yet in lieu of this new report based on the 145 countries’ own government data, it is my contention that only a completely demonically possessed asshole would wax enthusiastic about the Covid-19 vaccines at the start of this new year 2022.”
. . .
Meanwhile at the Vatican in Rome today, Pope Francis waxed enthusiastic about the Covid-19 vaccines in his annual address to the ambassadors accredited to the Vatican which is held shortly after the start of every New Year.
. . .
On January 5th of this year, the evil Jesuit priest Father Caiaphas bar Yochai had used his grandfather clock pendulum, which had the flaming head (caused by Hellfire) of Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin attached to it, to hypnotize a man into attacking and vandalizing the Basilica of Saint-Denis in Paris.
Today Louis Alphonse de Bourbon the Duke of Anjou (and heir to the Royal Throne of France) released a statement,
“I learned with sadness and dismay the vandalization of the Saint Denis Basilica in which my ancestors rest.
The statues of Saint Denis, Saint Genevieve and Saint Antoine were broken with an iron bar as well as many display cases containing sacred objects.”
Louis Alphonse de Bourbon the Duke of Anjou and heir to the throne of France in front of the Basilica of Saint Denis
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday January 10th
2022.
Releasing Judas- The Demon That Lady Gaga Clings To
The demon Asmodeus and his friend the little green frog Nimrod were sitting in a taverna in Rome.
The taverna was supposed to be closed under lockdown but it did offer admittance to important beings.
Who were important beings?
Beings like the demon Asmodeus and Nimrod the builder of the tower of Babel now reduced to being a little green frog.
As Asmodeus and Nimrod sat at a table eating and drinking, the Greek gods Hades, Zeus and Poseidon were talking solemnly among themslves at another table.
“So,” Zeus scratched his beard, “Pope Francis wants you to release the ghost of Judas Iscariot from the Underworld?”.
Hades nodded as he sipped a soft drink in a cup shaped like the Disney character Pluto.
“In what part of the Underworld does Judas reside?” Poseidon asked as he ate his Fettichini ala Neptune.
“Roasting away on a rotating barbeque spit over an open flame in the fiery depths of Tartarus,” Hades stirred a hot toddy.
“I’m sure both Pope Francis and LA’s auxiliary Bishop Robert Barron will be disappointed to hear that,” Poseidon sipped a Caesar (a Canadian drink that was a combination of vodka and Mott’s Clamato Juice).
“They don’t know,” Hades remarked.
“So are you going to release Judas Iscariot from the Underworld?” Zeus inquired.
“I’m still trying to make up my mind,” Hades answered.
“Why don’t you throw an Alexander III King of Macedon (aka Alexander The Great) drachma coin up in the air?” Zeus gave him such a coin, “Heads, you release Judas. Tails, he continues to roast away. ”
Hades threw the coin up in the air.
And it landed on the table.
“Heads,” said Hades.
The three Greek deities finished their meal and left.
“Sounds like Judas will be back on the Earth’s surface again,” Nimrod commented.
“Lady Gaga will be able to cling to her demon in person instead of just singing about it,” Asmodeus noted.
. . .
Asmodeus and Nimrod went to their rooms at a YMCA youth hostel in Rome.
Most of the rooms there were occupied by Jesuit priests and members of the Vatican Curia who were dressed up as The Village People a 1970s American disco band.
“So I hear California Gov. Gavin Newsom is facing a recall election?” Nimrod sipped from a bottle of tequila.
“Did you know California Gov. Gavin Newsom signed a deal with the demons Baal and Baphomet to get where he is today?” Asmodeus lit a cigarette.
“What? Getting recalled?” Nimrod was incredulous.
“No to become Governor of California,” Asmodeus answered.
“I suppose Baal and Baphomet will back Newsom in his re-election bid?” Nimrod said.
Asmodeus shrugged, “Baphomet being a transgendered and transpecies demon itself might back transgender Bruce Caitlyn Jenner’s bid to seek the state Republican nomination and then election to the Governorship.”
“So demons aren’t hesistant about throwing people (that they’ve made past agreements with) under the bus?” Nimrod swallowed the worm in the tequila bottle.
“Indeed not,” Asmodeus threw his cigarette butt out the window.
. . .
Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal had heard about the plan to release Judas from the realm of Hades.
She and six Vampiric Knights-Templar had been living in the Vatican since the autumn of 2017.
But now she decided to leave.
With Judas coming, the Vatican wouldn’t be big enough for both of them.
Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal: Seeking new accomodation.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 27th
2021.
Pan Goatee Strikes Again, Joe Biden’s Increasing Senility, Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Jong and Star of Azazel Rises In The Middle East
Pan Goatee Strikes Again, Joe Biden’s Increasing Senility, Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Kong and Star of Azazel Rises In Middle East
Pan Goatee was walking back from the shopping centre when he suddenly encountered 4 people walking down the sidewalk.
He noticed 3 somewhat attractive girls and another person he assumed was male.
However when he got closer, he noticed the person he thought was male was actually a hideously repulsively ugly female gargoyle.
Goatee promptly beheaded the gargoyle and cut her up into 666 trillion pieces for good measure.
Goatee then beheaded the 3 attractive looking girls remarking, “If you’re going to be walking around with someone that ugly, there is no doubt that that ugliness is probably highly contagious.”
He moved with a swiftness that would have done a WHO (World Health Organization) Crisis Epidemic Action Team proud in the way he quickly contained the potential ugliness epidemic.
. . .
BBC News Announcer on Headlines News: U.S. Democratic Presidential Candidate Joe Biden (who may or may not be senile to paraphrase an expression often used in conversations between a vampire novelist and a science-fiction writer) shocked the media and campaign audiences last week with his whopper of a tall tale on how he encountered his first black person.
According to Mr. Biden’s incoherent ramblings on that day, he encountered his first black person while working as a white life guard in a blacks only swimming pool.
Today Mr. Biden told the media and audiences that he encountered his first Chinese person while eating Chinese food in a Chinese restaurant. He added that he encountered his first gay person when he was sodomized in the rear end in an all male Health Club sauna room…
. . .
Some of the pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong were becoming more violent thanks to Cthulhu’s leadership efforts.
On the other side, the Black Dragon (supernatural entity advisor to China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping) was encouraging pro-Beijing one China civilian hoodlums to attack and club peaceful pro-democracy protestors while the Hong Kong police stood around and watched while consuming vast quantities of coffee and donuts prior to going back and shooting tear gas and rubber bullets at protestors.
Cthulhu thought it would only be a matter of time before Beijing actively intervened.
Therefore for his own part, he was hoping to get the U.S. military involved in the Hong Kong conflict.
But how?
Cthulhu had a video conferencing call with the demon Mephistopheles who had a great deal of influence in the Trump Administration.
Cthulhu hoped to bring Mephistopheles on board into getting the U.S. military involved in the Battle for Hong Kong.
Mephistopheles: Having a video conferencing call with Cthulhu the Great Old One from the Nemo Point of the South Pacific
. . .
The demon Asmodeus was sitting in a lox cream and bagel shop in Tel Aviv watching the Israeli election results come in.
“It looks like another minority government,” the chain smoking Asmodeus remarked to the Norse trickster god Loki who was eating a plate of lutefisk.
“That would appear to be the case,” Loki was now vaping an e-cigarette lethally laced with a combination of Canadian marijuana and Jim Beam doused Australian cactus plant.
“So who do you think is responsible for the attack on the Saudi oil refinery this past weekend?” Asmodeus asked Loki, “The Houthis? The Iranians themselves?”.
“Well, the mighty Thor thinks it was an Israeli operation to get Saudi Arabia and the U.S. into waging war on Iran in order to save Benjamin Netanyahu’s sagging political career,” Loki used a large bottle of vodka to wash the lutefisk down.
“Really?” Asmodeus lit himself another dozen cigarettes which he smoked simultaneously.
Meanwhile over Jerusalem, the Netanyahu government was using a great search light to cast the non-Gotham City bat signal into the night sky to summon the mysterious Mossad operative called Star of Azazel.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 17th
2019.
July 20th 2019: A Very Historic Anniversary
July 20th 2019: A Very Historic Anniversary
July 20th is a significant date in world history.
It was on this date in 356 BC that Alexander the Great was born.
It was 75 years ago today (on July 20th 1944) that the German colonel Count Claus von Stauffenburg tried to assassinate Adolf Hitler in the plot known as Operation Valkyrie.
And it was 50 years ago today (on July 20th 1969) that Neil Armstrong spoke these words from the moon after the Apollo 11 Eagle had landed, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”
On this day July 20th 2019, Alexander the Great’s half-sister Thessalonike of Macedon (who had turned into a mermaid after hearing of her brother’s death) was swimming in the Mediterranean Sea not far from the Egyptian city of Alexandria when an ancient shield happened to float by.
“It’s my brother’s shield!” She cried.
Just then the British destroyer The H.M.S. Balderdash happened to go by en route to the Suez Canal to the Indian Ocean and through the Strait of Hormuz to the Persian Gulf where it would attempt a rescue of the British oil tanker Stena Impero recently seized by Iran.
Thessalonike then posed the same question to the sailors aboard the H.M.S. Balderdash that she posed to the sailors aboard every ship that she had encountered throughout the centuries.
“Is Alexander the King alive?” She asked.
“Which Alexander the King would that be?” Asked Lt. Chamberlain Neville of the H.M.S. Balderdash.
“Alexander the Great, you idiot!” Thessalonike spat seaweed at him.
The correct answer as far as Thessalonike the mermaid was concerned was “He lives and reigns and conquers the world.”
The captain of the ship H.M.S. Balderdash who was none other than Gladstone Disraeli answered, “No, Alexander the Great died centuries ago in the year 323 BC.”
“Wrong answer!” Thessalonike foamed at the mouth spraying sea foam in every direction.
She then turned into a raging Gorgon tearing apart the ship and sending it and every sailor aboard to the bottom of the sea.
Trump would later blame the incident on the Iranians.
Meanwhile the Grey Wolf Formerly Known As Adolf (because it was a grey wolf possessed by the ghost of Adolf Hitler who had been let out of the Underworld a few years ago by Hades and Persephone at the request of the Norse-Germanic god Odin/Wotan) was walking the streets of Saint Petersburg Russia.
“I thought this place was supposed to be called Leningrad,” Adolf thought to himself as he looked at all the street signs.
“And to think I should have taken possession of this city but I failed!” Adolf snarled.
Meanwhile on the moon this day, the demon Asmodeus was walking around because he had never been to the moon and he figured since humans went to the moon, he might as well.
Of course Asmodeus had never learned to fly.
He had skipped the Demonic Learning To Fly Class back in Hell High School because he had been outside smoking cigarettes.
So the chain smoking demon asked the two high flying owls (who were companions to the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith) to grab hold of each one of his arms and fly him to the moon.
Now he was walking around the moon’s surface.
Unbeknownst to Asmodeus, the Norse trickster god Loki had been walking around the moon earlier that day (having been flown to the moon through the help of Valkyries).
Loki had eaten a banana while on the moon and had thrown the peel behind him.
As Asmodeus walked along smoking and coughing and singing that old Frank Sinatra song Fly Me To The Moon, he wasn’t watching where he was going.
The chain smoking demon slipped on the banana.
After hitting backside down on the lunar surface, Asmodeus remarked, “That’s one small slip for a banana, one giant pain in the ass for demonkind.”
The Chinese moon goddess Chang’e and the Moon Rabbit remind you:
Only you can prevent lunar fires.
Always douse your campfire and be careful with your cigarette butts.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 20th
2019.
Vampiress Lilith Discusses 5G and AI With The Demon Asmodeus At Astana Kazakhstan
The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith on her estate near the Kazakhstan capital of Astana
The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was standing in the middle of a forest path near her estate waiting for her ally the demon Asmodeus to show up.
Asmodeus showed up with 10 cigarettes in his mouth, a can of Budweiser beer in his left hand and a copy of The Times of London in his right hand.
“Read anything interesting in The Times of London?” Lilith asked as she picked a serpent off an apple tree.
“Well,” Asmodeus sipped Budweiser and belched, “I see British MP Renfield R. Renfield wrote an article examining Huawei and U.S.-China and Canadian-Chinese relations.”
Lilith bit the serpent’s neck with her vampiric incisors and then proceeded to eat it whole.
“Renfield notes that the Chinese government just cancelled over a billion dollars worth of canola exports from the western Canadian province of Manitoba,” Asmodeus read from the Times editorial page as he spilled beer and cigarette ash all over himself, “Renfield says this is all in retaliation for the Canadian government’s arrest and detention of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.”
“Of course it is,” Lilith removed some dental floss attached to her thong and used it to floss snake skin from between her teeth and gums.
The little green frog Nimrod (the resurrected king of Babel and mighty hunter against the Lord who found himself turned into a frog as a result of an unfortunate incident some years back) walked into a tree and knocked himself out when he saw Lilith reach all the way down the low-cut top front of her dress to her thong to get the dental floss.
“What Justin Trudeau and the Canadian government fail to realize is that the conflict between the U.S. and China over Huawei is over what country will be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that the Apostle John foresaw on the island of Patmos and mentioned in Chapter 13 of The Apocalypse or Book of Revelation,” Lilith smoothed the front of her dress, “The 5G network is the Internet of Things network that will be used to implement the Mark of The Beast system. Just like developments in AI will bring to fruition the Image of The Beast so 5G will bring the Mark of the Beast to fruition.”
“I never read the Book of Revelation,” Asmodeus coughed a heavy smokers’ cough, “of course I had been bound and imprisoned in Upper Egypt by the Archangel Raphael for the longest period of time.”
“That bastard Raphael,” Lilith’s face turned as fiery as the recent electrical storms over the state of California, “bound and imprisoned my son Azazel (that I had after relations with the fallen angel and Watcher Semjaza) in the desert at Dudael which is east of Jerusalem.”
“China I believe is about 20 years ahead of developing 5G than the U.S. is, isn’t it?” Asmodeus said as he opened a Chinese fortune cookie and read his fortune.
“It is,” Lilith nodded, “when the U.S. finally figured it out and Donald Trump got his toupee caught in a Venus flytrap, then the word went forth from that time and place for the toppling of Huawei. And Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou was on the U.S. government hit list. And Justin Trudeau’s Canada did the dirty work and was left holding the bag.”
“So China is #1 when it comes to the Internet then?” Asmodeus took out his tablet.
“Actually Israel is ahead of China when it comes to the Internet, 5G and AI,” Lilith answered.
“Israel?” Asmodeus swallowed all 10 of his cigarettes in surprise.
“Yes,” Lilith nodded, “For the past dozen years, Israel has quietly become number one in the world when it comes to Internet technology, Internet security, cyberwarfare, 5G and AI. That’s why Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman is seeking an alliance with Israel. If he wants his new economic autonomous zone and technological research and development super city state of NEOM (to be built over the site where Moses received the 10 Commandments from Yahweh) to succeed, he’ll need Israeli expertise and know-how. Thanks to Israeli agencies like Talpiot which is sort of an Israeli equivalent of DARPA, the Rand Institute think tank and the Green Beret Special Forces combined and Unit 8200 of the Israeli Intelligence Corps., Israel leads the way in Third Wave Information Age technology.”
“Then maybe Israel will bring forth the Mark and the Image of the Beast,” Asmodeus suggested as he ate a kosher corned beef sandwich.
“Well according to some kabbalistic groups in Israel, the Messiah is supposed to arrive on the Festival of Purim this year which falls on March 20th to 21st the same time as the Spring equinox in the northern hemisphere,” Lilith pointed out, “and if the Kabbalistic Messiah is the Antichrist of Christian eschatology, the Mark and Image of the Beast system will be ready to go.”
“Hello,” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing arrived on the scene carrying a personal handwritten message from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to Lilith asking for the release of the Golem of Prague whom the vampiress had recently abducted, “does anyone here know the closest place where I might be able to get some dental floss?”.
Lilith reached down her dress.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 7th
2019.
What occult secrets is the vampiress Lilith hiding under her dress?
Reblog of Shiva Visits An Episcopalian Cathedral
Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote back in 2017.
It shows the interregnum period between the time Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley served as British Members of Parliament and the time they opened up their own Private Eye office in London.
Shiva Visits An Episcopalian Cathedral
Former MPs Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were on a trip to New York City together.
Both men had been defeated in their respective constituencies by candidates for the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party in the recent British general election.
Agathor Christie of the British Conservatives had been defeated in his rural English constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds by British Transhumanist Renfield R. Renfield (the former Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises).
And Magog Rhys Petley of the British Labour Party had been defeated in his rural Welsh constituency of Newbridge by Transhumanist Morgana Fay Lee (who some people claimed was a vampiress and the niece of the Arthurian era sorceress Morgan Le Fay).
Since both men had two things in common- 1) both being defeated by British Transhumanists and 2) Both having an utter loathing for British Prime…
View original post 550 more words
The New Nazi-Russian Pact
The New Nazi-Russian Pact
At the suggestion of the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf, Lilith asked the Norse god Thor to go to Hades for her and request the release of Rasputin’s spirit from the Underworld to go up to Russia and again create havoc like he had done for the Czarist government in the previous century.
Rasputin’s spirit promptly entered the body of a Russian Eurasian brown bear and possessed it.
The grey wolf possessed by the spirit of Adolf Hitler and the Russian Eurasian brown bear possessed by the spirit of Grigori Rasputin then signed a treaty today agreeing to someday mutually attack a certain country in the Middle East.
The treaty was signed aboard a Jules Verne visualized helicopter airship that bore the name Albatross II and was owned by the mysterious enigmatic individual known as Robur The Conquerer II.
The witnesses to the treaty were the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith, the little green frog Nimrod and the cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus.
The treaty was signed on this the 78th Anniversary of the original Nazi-Soviet Pact.
. . .
Hillary Clinton sat at the table drinking her glass of lemonade.
She was angry about what a Fox News commentator said about her this morning.
The Fox News commentator had said that she had lost her marbles.
Imagine that, Hillary harrumphed.
She, Hillary Clinton, had lost her marbles.
Sheesh.
What would they say next?
Hillary looked at her guest sitting across the table from her- Dr. Harvey Nash the world’s greatest bunny rabbit mathematician- 6 ft. 6 in height, pinkish coloured fur, jade green eyes wearing an extremely large pair of spectacles 👓 on his pinkish bunny rabbit nose and whiskers and who, when he spoke, had a voice that sounded a lot like the late Hollywood actor Jimmy Stewart.
Hillary had recently started seeing Dr. Harvey Nash the world’s greatest bunny rabbit mathematician and had hired him to mathematically examine the tweets of Donald Trump to see if Trump was sending coded messages to Russian President Vladimir Putin through his tweets.
She had informed the editorial boards of The Washington Post and The New York Times about Dr. Harvey Nash’s assignment and they told her that they eagerly awaited the results of the investigation with editors from both papers sincerely saying maybe Dr. Nash’s inquiries should be the subject of a Congressional inquiry.
To be fair, she had also contacted Fox News about bunny rabbit mathematician Dr. Harvey Nash’s investigation.
But she never heard back from them.
The only thing she got was some nasty Fox News commentator saying that she Hillary had lost her marbles.
“Would you like another glass of lemonade, dear?” Bill called from the kitchen.
“No thanks,” Hillary said.
“But you had originally asked for 2 glasses of lemonade,” Bill pointed out.
“Well,” said Hillary, “I was originally wanting a glass for our guest but you didn’t bring him one.”
“What guest would that be, dear?” Bill asked.
Hillary shook her head and smiled at Dr. Harvey Nash the world’s greatest bunny mathematician as he mathematically found a coded message to President Putin in a single 3-letter tweet of Trump that said, WTF?.
“I think Bill is the one losing his marbles around here,” Hillary laughed.
“So no second glass of lemonade then, dear?” Bill asked again.
“No, but do bring some carrots 🥕,” Hillary said when she noticed how famished Dr. Harvey Nash looked.
“Did you say carrots?” Bill’s voice sounded quizzical from the kitchen.
“Yes, I said carrots,” Hillary sounded exasperated, “and really big ones too.”
“Chelsea,” Bill’s voice rang out, “will you go dig some carrots out of the garden? I’ve eaten carrots but I’ve never dug.”
“The carrots will be along shortly,” Hillary smiled at Dr. Harvey Nash the world’s greatest bunny rabbit mathematician.
. . .
Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan was modelling the robes he would wear when he proclaimed himself the new Sultan of the revived Ottoman Empire (after he had held a national referendum rigged in his favour of course).
The designer of the robes was none other than the great Milan fashion designer 👩🎨 Fabius Faberge.
Erdogan had hired Fabius Faberge to design his Ottoman Sultan robes on the recommendation of British singer Sir Elton John.
“How do they look?” Erdogan asked Fabius Faberge as the Turkish leader twirled around in his robes.
“Fabulous,” Fabius Faberge answered.
August 23rd 2017 was indeed an inauspicious beginning to future geopolitical events on the world stage.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 23rd
2017.
Lilith Takes The Crown
Lilith Takes The Crown
Lilith was being crowned Queen of the Universe at a ceremony in a chapel at the Vatican in Rome.
The cardinal doing the crowning was the Zeus and Apollo worshipping Cardinal JM (JM stood for his secret society moniker Judas Manasseh).
He was assisted in this by his secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe.
The ancient Babylonian vampiress was wearing a beautiful scarlet red evening dress as she was being crowned.
Also present at the ceremony was Nimrod a little green frog.
Nimrod was supposed to be in charge of carrying the flowers for the ceremony but, being a frog, he ate them instead.
As Nimrod was busy hiccoughing rose petals from his mouth, the demon Asmodeus was busy filling up the chapel with his cigarette smoke from his irritatingly bad cigarette smoking habit.
His demonic acquaintances tried to talk him into wearing a nicotine patch which he did but it didn’t seem to work for him.
Coughing on Asmodeus’ cigarette smoke was the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf (a grey wolf whose body had been possessed by the spirit of Adolf Hitler after it had been granted permission by Hades and Persephone to leave the Underworld and wander the Earth for awhile at the Germanic god Wotan’s request which he asked of the Greek chthonic deities through his emissary Thor).
Adolf hadn’t liked cigarette smoke in his previous life and didn’t think much of it in this one either.
But seeing as how he was no longer the Fuhrer of Germany, he could no longer order that Asmodeus be shot by firing squad.
Not that demons were prone to death by firing squad anyways.
When the ceremony was over, they walked outside to enjoy the sunset over Rome.
The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf then started howling that he had an idea on how to cause trouble for Russia.
Since no one in the party understood lupine, they ignored the grey wolf’s howling.
The psychic seer Cassandra Sibylline walked by and she could understand the lupine language.
She said, “The wolf is saying that if you want to destabilize Russia, then go to Hades and Persephone and request that the spirit of Grigori Rasputin be allowed to leave the Underworld and return to Russia for a while.”
A party strategist for the U.S. Democratic National Committee (DNC) walked by and thought that was an excellent suggestion.
He would report back to Hillary Clinton with that suggestion since she was still wanting revenge against Russia for costing her (in her opinion) the last U.S. Presidential election.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 22nd
2017.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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